#also frustrated bc i want to Create but when i post amvs they get like no notes and like

[orpheuscas]

anyway

#also frustrated bc i want to Create but when i post amvs they get like no notes and like #doing it for my own enjoyment not external validation yadda yadda but the external validation is still nice yknow #and i’m kind of mourning my old tumblr and ao3 accounts where i had established followings and like a decades worth of fic published #but some irl people knew about the accounts and i wasn’t enjoying the feeling of performing for people i really know and i missed the #total anonymity so here i am #but like. all that stuff was a part of me and i don’t care about the following so much bc it was mostly other fandoms than spn which is my #main thing now but i guess i miss the continuity with my old self? #and now i feel like an imposter bc i talk about writing fic but have nothing posted on my new ao3 and i just want to scream about all #the stuff i’ve written under a different name but no one cares anyway #and i’m afraid to post anything for spn bc my old fandom (stranger things) was smaller (at least when i was actively writing for it like #2019-2021) and anything i post for spn is just gonna get lost in the noise and i Know i don’t need lots of kudos or whatever to enjoy it #but i’ve been feeling so defeated lately i’m worried posting a fic i’ve poured my soul into and getting no response will just. extra suck #and i’m feeling defeated re: making new amvs too bc there’s so many amvs and no one watches them anyway and it’s fun but half the fun is in #the sharing and the feedback and that just doesn’t really happen #anyway i’m aware i’m being a whiny entitled bitch lmao