#also extremely normal about amputation as a form of stripping away sam's autonomy

[ro-sham-no]

what if lucifer made sam spend years and years in hell without some limb or other. sam adjusts to not having the limb, functioning without it and what not, but he gets phantom pains during that time (as lucifer orchestrated, of course). not as a main form of torture, but just as something that hit at random times during their combined tenure in hell.

he adjusts to it, overtime, only for lucifer to give the limb back after a decade or so. just enough time to make sure it really stuck in sam's mind, y'know.

so sam is re-limbed, off-kilter again except now it's in the opposite sense, having gained what feels like an extra limb.

but imagine sam's slow, painful realization when, even after he has started to fully re-adjust to his once-missing limb, he still gets the phantom pains. they don't slow down or lessen in frequency, if anything they get worse. arcing through him like lightning, breathtaking in the worst possible way. so fierce it takes him to his knees, sometimes even fully to the floor, writhing around, clutching the physical proof that the pain isn't even real. it's not the kind of pain you could ever get used to.

imagine the horror sam feels when lucifer does it again, with a different limb, this time.

when he's finally topside, when he's gotten his soul back, when castiel has torn down the wall, he's so beyond messed up that he forgets about it, amongst the myriad of other nauseating things that lucifer did to him.

but it's random. just because it doesn't happen at first doesn't mean he's gotten away from it.

imagine the full bodied agony of having all your feasible extremities light up with the piercing fire of angered non-existence, the feeling of your nerves having long been severed, even though in this body they haven't been. sam just thrashes around on the ground, dissolved into screaming sobs all at once from the pain of it, hands scrabbling at his skin and joints, gripping, tearing, anything to just please, Lucifer- Messiah, Elohim, יהוה - please make it stop PLEASE-

#i'm so normal about all the possible tortures lucifer put sam through in hell #also extremely normal about amputation as a form of stripping away sam's autonomy #( #spn #sam winchester #lucifer #the cage #torture #amputation #phantom pain #ro writing tag #)