#also I've been to exactly one festival bc I hate them. I feel like it shows but this is My world. I make the rules

[blackllghtburns]

Brandon likes festivals.

The UK? Not so much. It’s not that playing Reading and Leeds isn’t an honor. It should be. For a little band from Arizona, playing a festival overseas should feel good, like an accomplishment. And it does. But–

Well, Brandon’s bored. Very bored, and the weather isn’t helping. He’s used to the sunshine that even the worst places in the US can offer. Over here, Brandon’s pretty sure he hasn’t seen the sun at all. Endless clouds, endless fog, endless…

Gloom.

It had taken a major toll on his mood, even if the day itself had been good so far. They’d played their set to an energetic crowd. The fans that had shown up specifically for Blind Faith had come, taking their place at the very front of the crowd. The crowd had been infectiously ecstatic, singing along and moving to each new song. Even the ones who clearly had no idea who they were had seemed to enjoy themselves. And after, the band and some friends had gone back to the bus for their usual post-show party. It was good. It was fun. 

… So why does Brandon feel like this?

He’s restless, antsy. As much as he likes staying in and partying, it doesn’t feel like the move tonight. So Brandon slips out. The rest of the guys don’t seem to notice. Evan’s busy talking to some blonde chick he’d brought back with him. The guys from Significant Other – Kyle, Trent, and the others – are too preoccupied with the bottle of Patrón Brandon had dragged out. So, he’s able to slip out without much of a fuss.

It’s getting late. The sun hasn’t quite set, but it’s sinking lower and lower into the sky. The festival’s still raging on. Maybe this is what he needs. To get out, get out of his own head, and listen to some new music. Then maybe Brandon won’t feel so weird. At the very least, it’ll be an hour or so where he’s distracted. The rest… he can sort that out later.

It takes a bit of walking, but eventually Brandon reaches the nearest stage. Or the crowd for the nearest stage, anyway. The next band is just coming on. Brandon doesn’t recognize them or their logo, a heart wrapped in thorns. He also doesn’t recognize the first song as they start playing, soliciting an uproar of cheers from the crowd. 

The band doesn’t have much in common with Blind Faith. Where Blind Faith is all loud guitars, obnoxious drums and Brandon’s wailing vocals, what this band does is more... refined. The singer, Brandon pinpoints pretty quickly, isn’t American, though he can’t place the accent. What Brandon also pinpoints fairly quickly is that this is a man of craft. Everything he does has purpose. Every note, every lyric... it has meaning. He’s a storyteller who’s mastered his craft, one that believes every word that leaves his own mouth. 

What the bands do have in common is women.

When Brandon is on stage, he’s a beacon of energy. He'd once been called a ping-pong ball, and admittedly, it’s true. Brandon never stops moving. And with each song that passes, and the wilder Brandon gets, the more women scream. By the end of the night, when he lays on his back and belts out the final notes of their closing song, he’ll be covered in whatever bras and panties find their way on stage.

As he watches this singer, Brandon sees him doing the same thing. He's locked eyes with a woman in the front row, singing to her as they finish another song -- some number about eternal love. The woman’s openly weeping, reaching her hand out towards him. It’s… captivating. Personable. And the crowd’s going insane. What it lacks in size, it makes up for in passion. Brandon guesses this man could lure any woman here back to his bed if he wanted to. He looks the part. The sleeveless shirt he’s wearing perfectly shows off his tattoos, and with his long hair…

Brandon turns to the woman next to him in the crowd.

“What band is this?” He asks.

The woman (clearly a fan, judging by the wrist tattoo) replies quickly.

“Rakkaus,” she says. “From Finland.”

Rakkaus.

Brandon has to meet them.

#oc: brandon #oc: aaro #my writing #I have never posted OC stuff on here before but. #here is a snippet. tbh I don't rly even care if anyone reads it #it just kinda gives me more motivation to write #also hi I love my bands that are just parodies of real bands #significant other is my bizkit parody. rakkaus is HIM. blind faith is #well. they're no one. but I love them #anyway. sorry. I love these fools #also I've been to exactly one festival bc I hate them. I feel like it shows but this is My world. I make the rules

[yungfrieda]

6/15/23

where to start, where to start

i've been drinking this evening - just as an early caveat in case this post gets too long and wordy. BUT things are feeling okay.

I'm excited to be on a new festival project with Superfly - despite it being a dream job, i still treat it like work. i understand my own personal reverence for what it is i've done by being a producer on this project. it's exciting and i'm thrilled about it because i've wanted to work at this company since forever and i'm finally able to check it off the bucketlist.

i don't know where to start with present happenings. i can really only speak about them romantically in context bc that's where my heart is at. i went to visit my crush at his job this evening. it was a pleasure to see him but really funny, as always, given how shy he is around me. a few months back, we went on a really fun date where we basically skipped around town enjoying each other's company and roasting each other like we'd been friends forever. he's awkward and shy around me now which makes things a lot more complicated on my end because i'd assumed we'd broken all of those barriers but it's uhhhh... a nice slow burn lmao

called Jerome yesterday. he didn't answer which was honestly fine and very affirming. i spend a lot of time thinking about him but less time today than yesterday and the day before yesterday. i imagine him taking time for himself and getting better, for some reason.

it seems easier to imagine than the alternative, which is him not being well, which is the reason i called him in the first place. i just have a weird feeling, but either way, i can't will him to accept my presence in his life especially when he eventually came to hate it so much.

we had a conversation awhile ago where he said

"I like spending time with Kiana a lot - she's a challenging, unique, beautiful, intellectual soul" i responded: "then why do you act like it's the worst thing? why do you act like Kiana hates you and does everything not to understand you?" "I do not begrudge Kiana her humanity, I simply enforce breaks"

I wonder if this is a break, a boundary- and i wonder why it matters so much to me, what it is, especially when our relationship became so harmful. I suppose Jerome made me realize so many parts of myself - maybe not in the way he intended me to realize, but i saw a lot of myself through him. i saw so many things i could hold on if i kept making that choice, so many reasons to gnash my teeth and snarl at anyone who made me feel insecure and endangered in any way. i wonder when i became the enemy in his mind, really - or if anything he said to me at that point in time was real in the first place or if he was just imagining some version of me.

i'm learning who i am, day by day, and i don't always think it's a person people will agree with or like. that's okay - i know how to compromise and i'm learning how to do so without compromising myself - compromising for the sake of getting things done, getting even a half a percentage of needs met. Or at least being honest when someone is asking me for something I can't give. I asked Jerome, at one point, how i could help foster better communication between us and he said he wasn't sure or didn't have the answer - i don't remember exactly.

but i'm... that type of person. Like Jerome, i react out of hurt. Even if it's not the level of vitriol as Jerome, the reaction is still an escape or a way out of asking directly for what it is i need. it kicks up drama, and makes my needs even more obscured than before. i end up blaming the other person for not responding appropriately for needs i haven't expressed and cannot even see well enough to express.

he'd expressed this cycle as being a familial pattern. i also know it as a familial pattern but i refuse to pretend like it doesn't bring hurt. i try to be as direct as possible, to my detriment and also to my benefit, because ambiguity gives me too much space for my brain to roam. i prefer to know what i'm dealing with - but most people are not great at communication, especially if it's uncomfortable.

one of the things i always used to wonder with him - was whether or not rejecting me was something he did because he truly wanted me to be better or if he saw behavior in me that he refused to see in himself. i believe it to be the latter - and i refuse to live that way. i want to rekindle our friendship, for selfish reasons. because i think he knows this about himself and that he's in denial for the sake of being "right" in our argument. but at the same time, i think he's a traumatized person, as i am, and he may decide to demonize who i was in his life forever. i wonder sometimes why i care - but i also genuinely appreciated how much i understood his upbringing and how much i thought he understood mine. trauma bonds are truly the most troublesome to let go of.

ah. i'll figure it out.

#personal

[olwolo]

Stayed up a bit later after finishing my studying to catch up with the last Quackity (and wilbur and tommy lol) stream I missed and OH GOD. You're so right and like the thing about worrying if he's being genuine with phil is exactly what I feel with tommy right now. It's so weird bc after that first stream I was so sure he was just manipulating him but them c!wilbur is like begging for tommy to not leave him in the recent one and I HATE believing that for even a second. It sucks bc it's exactly what you said like c!wilbur is so fucking calculating around everybody now you can see him stop to listen to what ppl say and thinking before speaking up and that terrifies me lmao it's so great. C!wilbur is DEFINITELY picking up to Tommy's weakness (or strength in my opinion lol) in trusting the ppl he care about too much and you can see like moments tommy says things that shows how much he matured after wilbur died and the way the bastard keeps being able to convince him is driving me crazy lmao but yeah I guess those are my thoughts about that last stream (had to catch up for techno lol) there's also like tnt duo back and just, everything. I'm loving it. Remember we spoke already about their interactions being interesting bc of the contrasting opinions? We're so right and that stream was way better than I expected lmao I can't WAIT to see what they are doing next tbh also bc I really missed wilbur streams UGHHH he's so great, so great.

About the whole pit thing yeah dream smp storytelling might had helped that a bit considering I was a lot on techno side, seeing wilbur just crazily insisting for him to give tommy a lesson lol (or it seemed like one, back then) but after that I kind of understood the fact that wilbur was always very aware of his downfall ig so I completely agree with you !! and the thing abt tubbo forgiving techno is just SUCH a tubbo thing!! I've seen ppl say that he shouldn't have forgave him that easily but dude the way I see that is exactly like tommy said once, c!tubbo has a thicker skin than his. C!tubbo is such a resilient character even though you can like feel his hesitation in talking with techno when he visited snowchester!! He moves on even if shit happens and he doesn't quite understand or forgive them and I'm pretty sure that's one of the things he differs the most of tommy, who's like way more emotional (positively lol) like you said!! It's just ugh I love it. 🧨 btw the emoji keeps being a great choice considering the rivalry between tnt duo is what kept me up til 2am now lol I'm really excited ok!!

the whole situation with c!wilbur is so interesting and i can't wait to see how it develops further. the 'you weren't here for a long time' line from tommy hit so well because it's true, like he wasn't here for so many important moments after his death and so many things changed and i really want to see it explored more. and the tnt duo interactions were so good!! just two people who's greatest weapon is using their words going against each other. absolutely love it. just get c!tommy out of there and let him chill in snowchester or something, he's been through enough.

and tubbo!! he is such an interesting character. idk how coherent i will be about this but just i always found it interesting how he was ready to forgive techno after the festival, even sympathizing with the situation. he overall showed this trait of wanting to avoid conflict the best during his time as president with the rules and laws he instilled in new l'manburg and it's what made him vulnerable to c!dream's manipulation during that period too. and i feel like that need to ensure safety to those around him and not really holding grudges against people like techno or phil (he even admitted to not really wanting to kill techno during the execution on a recent stream with philza) stems from him bottling his emotions and trauma? idk how intentional this is but the way he rarely adresses what happened to him yet shows instances of everything still affecting him really gets me. like he never told ranboo where his scars came from, one of the first things he did as the president was ban any destructive weapons but still planned to store them as a deterrent (very reminiscent of the nukes situation), the overall cracks in his front showing how he has no confidence in himself during the exile arc or how content he was with dying in the disc war finale (just overall i love how he's portrayed during his time as president, there are so many good moments there). i feel like because c!tubbo bottles up so much the only thing he feels like he can do is move on and try to create a safe environment for himself and when those bottled up things come up to the surface he has no idea how to face them so it just festers inside him. and so he moves on, he forgives and he acts like everything is fine. he was hurt so many times it feels like he has to be resilient at this point.

#replies