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quitewar · 1 year

Text

I've been on the low

I been taking my time

I feel like I'm out of my mind

It feel like my life ain't mine

Who can relate? Woo

I've been on the low

I been taking my time

I feel like I'm out of my mind

It feel like my life ain't mine

I don't wanna be alive

I just wanna die today

I just wanna die

I don't wanna be alive

I just wanna die

And let me tell you why

All this other shit I'm talkin' 'bout, they think they know it

I've been prayin' for somebody to save me, no one's heroic

And my life don't even matter, I know it, I know it

I know I'm hurtin' deep down but can't show it

I never had a place to call my own

I never had a home, ain't nobody callin' my phone

Where you been? Where you at? What's on your mind?

They say every life precious but nobody care about mine

I've been on the low

I been taking my time

I feel like I'm out of my mind

It feel like my life ain't mine

Who can relate? Woo

I've been on the low

I been taking my time

I feel like I'm out of my mind

It feel like my life ain't mine

I want you to be alive

You don't gotta die today

You don't gotta die

I want you to be alive

You don't gotta die

Now let me tell you why

It's the very first breath

When your head's been drownin' underwater

And it's the lightness in the air

When you're there, chest to chest with a lover

It's holdin' on, though the road's long

And seein' light in the darkest things

And when you stare at your reflection, finally knowin' who it is

I know that you'll thank God you did

I know where you been, where you are, where you goin' (yeah, yeah)

I know you're the reason I believe in life

What's the day without a little night?

I'm just tryna shed a little light

It can be hard

It can be so hard

But you gotta live right now

You got everything to give right now

I've been on the low

I been taking my time

I feel like I'm out of my mind

It feel like my life ain't mine

Who can relate? Woo

I've been on the low

I been taking my time

I feel like I'm out of my mind

It feel like my life ain't mine

I finally wanna be alive (finally wanna be alive)

I finally wanna be alive (hey)

I don't wanna die today

I don't wanna die

I finally wanna be alive (finally wanna be alive)

I finally wanna be alive (oh)

I don't wanna die (no, I don't wanna die)

I don't wanna die

(I just wanna live)

Pain don't hurt the same, I know

The lane I travel feels alone

But I'm moving 'til my legs give out

And I see my tears melt in the snow

But I don't wanna cry

I don't wanna cry anymore

I wanna feel alive

I don't even wanna die anymore

Oh, I don't wanna

I don't wanna

I don't even wanna die anymore

Problem is I just wanna see the end faster. My life is a total wreck and I hide on here bc nobody knows who I am. Fake smiles are starting to creep in again.

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wildcatofgreen · 1 year

Note

“Penny for your thoughts” Surge

Send “Penny for your thoughts” to find out what my muse really thinks of yours

"Yyyyup. Here's the complicated one.

"Look, lemme be clear--Surge is a great gal and she's a good friend. 'Lil misguided, needs a lotta help. An' I'm down 'ta give it to her, alright? If ya wanna know how I feel about her then that's that an' we can end it right there.

"But,

"Ever since she told me--er, not me, my ''cat'' I guess--about what happened to her... I jus' dunno how 'ta feel. I know Iun't like her like I do Lyli or Sony. There ain't nothin' there for that.

"But.

"She's got that same confidence Lyli does, knowin' what she is an' ain't afraid 'ta show it. She's got some'a her scars, she's got some'a her looks--the girl ain't gonna flick her hair at me any time soon but those damn eyes I swear I'm seein' Lyli all over again.

"Is that why I'm helpin' her so much? 'Cause'a Lyli? Would I even help if--

"Eh, no, I probably would.

"But still. Bein' aroun' her.

"I... I feel kinda... like the old times. Like it's just me an' Lyli again. Ain't got nobody else 'ta deal with. Nobody else 'ta mess with. From when we first got that treehouse, until I got this gem an' Sony showed up.

"She makes me feel how I did back then. When I ain't have all these stupid responsibilities and stress from stupid greedy mayors all on my back. When I could bother Lyli an' just shoot the shit with her. When we'd laugh an' play games an' watch shows an' cuddle jus' 'cause we loved each other, we wanted 'ta be aroun' each other. I feel so damn relaxed aroun' her--

"DAMN IT, I AIN'T HAVIN' ANOTHER AFFAIR, I DON'T LIKE HER LIKE THAT.

"Iunno how else 'ta explain it. Me an' Lyli were in a pretty comfy spot for a bit there where we were the only people that mattered. Sure, we hugged and cuddled and were very touchy-feely with each other 'cause like, best friends, and also had this unrequited shit goin' on damn I wish one of us said somethin' sooner.

"But this ain't exactly that, either. I see Lyli in her, but the Lyli I'd call my best friend. Which is weird. Because I still have feelings for Lyli--that I have come to terms with. That's what's making it fuckin' weird for me 'ta pinpoint because I know for a fact when I see her face I don't wanna do any romance stuff. But.

"Man is it selfish 'ta say that I was really happy when she said she'd be movin' here? That my Ly--fuck, that Surge would be livin' here an' I could chill with her like every day? Dun't even need a momento, I can just drive to Cory's and chill with her and 'cause some fuckin' mischief. Be fuckin' bad, do fun stuff with her.

"I hate this. I'm gettin' Lyli vibes again from all my fuckin' words but I know in my heart that ain't what I'm feelin'. But am I deludin' myself in'ta thinkin' that? Or do I really think that? Iun't fuckin' know!!!

"Maybe I'm jus' bein' a baby an' I wanted more friends. More people that are like, tangible. Not somethin' I gotta keep teleportin' back an' forth for.

"Maybe I saw another destroyed person, an' I wanted 'ta help her as best as I could. I helped Lilac, every single day I helped that girl the best I could.

"Maybe I can help her too. That she's more than just Brevon's toy--DAMN IT I DID IT AGAIN.

"I'm done. Take my nonsense an' get out."

#carol's cruisings #atangledfate #asks #meme answers #ever so self critical

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amalthemir · 5 years

Text

OC Interview!

I was tagged by @nuka-nuke (luv u bab) for this, so here I go!

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

I’ll tag @scarecrow-forest @lamorellenoire6 @chibikinesis @ryu-no-joou and @beetleboo

1. What is your name?

Would be sitting comfortably in a chair, whiskey glass in hand

"We'll aren't you straight to the point. If you've got to know, name's Texas, doll~."

2. Do you know why are you named that?

"Dunno, mama once said somethin' about her ancestors bein' from a place called Texas back before the world went t' shit. Might've all jus' been some bullshit for all I know."

3. Are you single or taken?

Smirks

"Well that answer depends on if I find ya interestin' or not. But for t' sake of time, I'm seein' someone, well, a few someones. That satisfy yer curiosity yet, doll?"

4. Have any abilities or powers?

Laughs

"Sure do princess! I've got a this cute lil' trick where if I say someone is dead, they'll show up dead the next day! World works in strange ways, darlin'."

"Aside from that, I'm killer with an automatic rifle, you'd be dead in a secon' if I wanted it. The rest of my talents are... well, let's just say I'm good with a rope."

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

"Who t' hell is that Mary Sue lady? You better not be playin' me for a fool if you know what's good for you..."

6. What’s your eye color?

"Brown, plain an' simple. Mama said I had papa's eyes, always said that his were like chocolate- or caramel or some shit. Don't rightly give a fuck to be honest."

7. How about your hair color?

"Brown again, dark brown to be frank, but you can prob'ly see the color better in good lightin'."

8. Have any family members?

"No, mama got sick and died like a dog, and papa left and never came back, fucker probably got himself killed years ago, wouldn't be surprised if he's still in a ditch somewhere back in Vegas."

9. Oh? How about pets?

Sits up a bit straighter

"Well... don't rightly have one unless you count that quantum deathclaw egg I stole- rescued from an empty nest after its parents were... killed in an unfortunate hunting expedition. The thing hasn't hatched, but it hasnt rotten yet either, so don't know what's gonna happen with it."

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

"Well now that you mention it, havin' someone waste my time askin' stupid questions is pretty high on my list of things I don't like."

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

"You mean besides tying people up, takin' people's shit, or getting myself a new "toy" to play with? Dunno, all that takes up most of my time."

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

"You... are you fuckin' serious? I had a feelin' you were a dumbass but boy, you're somethin' else. Yeah I've hurt people, sometimes they even like it when I do it."

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

"Well sorry to disappoint, darlin', but you don't get t' where I am without poppin' a few heads. If it makes ya feel any better, I prefer playin' with my toys rather than breakin' 'em... at least at first."

Chuckles

14. What kind of animal are you?

"What kind of- the hell kinda question is that? I don't fuckin' know, a damn coyote for all I care."

15. Name your worst habits?

"Do you really want me to? There's a lot of 'em. Off the top of my head I'd say maybe drinkin' on the job, not bein' able to stop myself from wanting to... get a taste of something I find interesting, and dunno, maybe, just maybe, I like to stay a bit too clean sometimes, old habit really."

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

"Nope, nobody at all. Other people are just pawns, though I like to play with some more than others."

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

"I'm whatever you want me to be, baby doll."

18. Do you go to school?

"Do we fuckin' look like we have a damn school here at Nukaworld? Or do I like like a damn brat that should be sittin' on a desk takin' damn notes about some bullshit? Yeah, thought so."

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

"Hell no, don' wanna get caught up in any of that business. Like hell that I'm ever gonna allow myself to get tied down to one por sod for the rest of my life. That's what mama did, and look at her now, six feet under cuz she was sure papa would come prancin' on in like nothin' happened. No thanks. As for kids that's another can of blood worms I ain't touchin' anytime soon."

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

Laughs

"Sure do, people line up to see me every day, all eyes on me whenever I walk in the market, real ego booster if you ask me."

21. What are you most afraid of?

"Dying of boredom, so right now I'm pretty much on death's row."

22. What do you usually wear?

"A suit. I know, I know, you must be wonderin' why the hell I wear a suit, well, to be the best you gotta look the part, don't cha' think? Plus, it's catches people's attention, makes it easier to lure them in. Guess keeping it all clean is a hassle, but I've got people for that."

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

"Hm.... maybe some mirelurk cakes, damn things are pretty good when you find someone to cook 'em right."

24. Am I annoying to you?

"Nooooo of course not. I'm having the time of my life, can't you tell?"

25. Well, it’s still not over!

"Christ sake... this better be worth it."

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

"High and mighty, darlin'."

27. How many friends do you have?

"Yes."

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

"Pies? Why fuckin' pies of all damn things? I don't know, them pre-war ones looked good I guess, never had one. Might try to get someone that knows how to make one."

29. Favorite drink?

"Whiskey, plain and simple. Used to have Susnset Sarsaparilla back in Vegas, but they don't have those over here. Nuka-Wild comes close enough I guess, doesn't quite taste the same though."

30. What’s your favorite place?

"Anywhere that's mine, that's private, and a place that I can drag a new toy into in order to have some fun."

31. Are you interested in anyone?

"You could say that... there's a certain pup that I'm training into being more... well behaved. Gotta say, I'm hooked so far."

32. That was a stupid question…

"I'd say the same for all the other questions you've asked, but sure, whatever floats yer boat."

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

"Neither."

34. What’s your type?

"Hm... guess I like a challenge. Don't get me wrong, being able to do what I please with someone from day one is always fun, but there's something about breaking them and making them mine that turns me on intensely."

35. Any fetishes?

"Yyyyyup, let's see... domination, bondage, being rough, puppy play, being very physical, etcetera, too many to name."

36. Camping or outdoors?

"Pretty much everyone has slept outdoors before in their lives, how else you think I traveled from the west all the way to the east?."

#fallout oc #my oc #fallout 4 #texas #raider oc #nukaworld raider #raider

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despairforme · 5 years

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"Damn, yer even taller in person." That was the FIRST thing Grimmjow blurted out at the other, upon walking up to him. He was fucking HUGE. Looks like today was FULL of firsts. First time in an actual filming studio. First time meeting his co-stars. And the first time Grimmjow had to come to work CLOTHED. "The name's Grimmjow." He held his hand out. "I ain't sure if you've heard 'bout me yet, but I'm gonna be playin Ángel." He smirked. "Don't worry. You'll be seein me around A LOT." [ACTOR AU.]

His mood? SHITTY. Actually, ‘ shitty ‘ was the understatement of the year. Nnoitra more or less felt like his life was falling apart. He KNEW he was being ‘ dramatic ‘ and that he should take a professional approach to all of this but— FUCK it was hard! The biggest problem was that all his attempts to get himself OUT of this situation had failed. He had thought that, yeah it all sucked - BUT he would be able to get out of it. All he needed to do was talk to the writers and the producers, to get them to understand that the script they had given him was completely out of character for Jian. But, somehow - FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, nobody seemed to see it from his point of view! Nobody shared his opinion, and even though he felt like he had explained it to them in a way that was easy to understand, they still hadn’t been able to grasp what he was talking about. Was it THAT difficult to understand that Jian was straight? Apparently. So, all in all? Nnoitra was fucked.

He hadn’t given up easily. He had been in several heated arguments with lots of people. He had made a few completely empty threats about quitting. He had considered that it might be better for Jian to get killed off rather than have his character completely destroyed with this new love interest he was getting in this season. But, it seemed like such a waste, to have all his hard work just end with the character dying in some random scene. Jian deserved better. He deserved better than falling in love with a guy as well, but there was nothing Nnoitra could do about it. When this realization finally sunk in, he became sort of… Depressed. He felt powerless and used. It sucked. Defeated, that’s what he felt - and what he was.

After the ‘ acceptance ‘ stage was over, Nnoitra had begun to actually LOOK at his script, to begin to prepare for the upcoming scenes. Since he always took longer than everyone else to learn his lines, AND he had gotten his script last, he was far behind the other actors. Because of the delay of his script ( it had needed some last-minute tweaking ), scenes not involving him were already being filmed. Nnoitra had spent a few days on set, to meet up with the new members of the cast, and of course to chat up his other colleagues. People he had known for years. After receiving his manuscript, Nnoitra hadn’t been seen for a few days while he tried to cope with everything. Now though, he was more or less done with sulking. He was… As ready as he would ever be to get on with all of this. He was on set today because he would be a part of a scene. Thankfully he only had a few lines. He had spent all morning practicing them. They were GOOD, and it really cheered him up to know that at least Jian still got to have some snarky comments. He needed that, seeing as he was literally going to be stripped of all dignity.

It was almost time for him to head over to the hair-and-make-up section and get into his costume. It had been a while since he had had his hair styled like Jian’s, and he was kinda looking forward to it. Getting his hair touched by his stylist was always soothing. Considering how tense he was feeling, it was something he sorely needed. He figured he should head over so that his stylist could spend a little extra time on him.

But, on his way over to the stylist section, someone stopped him. Nnoitra thought he had already greeted all the new actors, but this was a guy he hadn’t seen before. He was fairly tall ( though of course, no where near his own height ). That comment about him being tall was something he had heard about a million times, but it wasn’t often the first thing a person said to him when meeting. Nnoitra looked him up and down. He had that athletic build that Nnoitra could only dream of. His eyes were piercing blue, like he had a fucking SKY trapped in his head. Oh, and he was blonde. Nnoitra realized who he was before he introduced himself. Of fucking course. There was only ONE ‘ character ‘ he hadn’t met yet. Jian’s love interest. Nnoitra was so stunned by suddenly being face-to-face with the source of all the distress he had been in these past few days, that it took him a moment to take the other’s hand. On a professional level, he KNEW that it wasn’t this guy’s fault that the writers had decided Jian’s fate to be so messed up. So, Nnoitra took his hand. Grimmjow, huh? What a weird name. Nnoitra hadn’t heard of him before.

❝ I’m Nnoitra. ❞ Obviously. Grimmjow seemed like a pretty cocky guy, judging from that smirk. Clearly, he DIDN’T have a problem with the role he was going to play. Well, figures, since he must’ve auditioned for it. Nnoitra wondered why ANYONE would want such a role. Did this guy realize what he was getting himself into? Nnoitra wondered how many had been to the audition. Nnoitra squeezed the other’s hand in a FIRM hand-shake, as if to tell him who the FUCK was in charge here. While Grimmjow was smirking, Nnoitra was expressing his distaste for all of this. It was hard to not make this personal. He knew it wasn’t but… Yeah.

He’d be seeing him around a LOT, huh? Yeah. He was FULLY AWARE of that! The two of them had plenty of scenes together. Nnoitra pulled his hand way, and crossed his arms over his chest. Another sign that he was neither comfortable OR happy. ❝ So yer ‘da guy who’s gonna be playin’ HIM, huh? Why would ya wanna play that role? ❞ It might be rude, but he didn’t give a shit. He just wanted to know WHY he wanted that role. The fact that the show had chosen an unknown actor to play that role, when they COULD have afforded a well known one, did indicate that not that many people had audictioned for the role.

Nnoitra looked at him, and tried to imagine what it would be like to play against him. How was he supposed to make it believable that Jian was in love with him? Like HELL Nnoitra wanted his acting to look shitty just because he was thrown this challenge. It was the script that was bad, that did NOT mean his acting was going to be! But, how was he supposed to… Do this? How was he supposed to look at him like he was into him? And what about those… PHYSICAL scenes? Nnoitra suppressed a shiver. Not like the guy was bad looking or anything. Nnoitra could already imagine him getting plenty of fan-girls with those looks. But that didn’t change the fact that he WAS A GUY.

Another question that needed to be answered was - would it be easier to play this role if he KNEW the guy? Or would that make it even more awkward? Because of his inability to learn lines by reading them, he often had one-on-ones in private with the other actors. By playing out the lines, he was able to learn them. He knew many thought he was a pain in the ass for being so BAD at learning shit. But, he DID get along with some of the other actors, so that their one-on-ones were fun. How was he supposed to do that with THIS GUY? Without it becoming the most awkward situation known to man? Nnoitra didn’t think he had ever met someone who had given him so many questions. Or stressed him out this much. Not that it showed, apart from how his arms squeezed his chest a bit, and his shoulders tensed. How was he going to deal with all of this?

#grimmjxw #[ Y E A H !!!!!!! ]#[ ooof i love this au already ]#[ thank you for doing it with me lexie!! ]#[ honestly you're always so amazing for doing all these aus with me t-t ]#[ i couldn't ask for a better ship partner ]#[ i'm REALLY excited for this ]#[ and we haven't even done any plotting ]#[ i have ideas ]#[ I FEEL LIKE WE'RE DOING A LOT OF UNPLOTTED STUFF THESE DAYS ]#[ and like?? it's great? ]#[ also ]#[ i'm still not over the fact that grimmjow has platinum blonde hair in this au ]#[ i mean... i'm dead ]#[ i can't wait to draw ..... a poster ]#[ for this ]#[ ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THREAD ]#[ THEM HAVING TO DO A PHOTO SHOOT FOR A PROMOTION POSTER ]#[ nnoitra: - nopes out - ]#[ nnoitra stfu i bet you 100000000 dollars you're gonna fall in love ]#[ ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN AND DOING THIS AU WITH ME!! ]#ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶤʳ ;; ic.#ᶜᶤᶰᵉᵐᵃᵗᶤᶜ ;; au.25.#ᵗᵃˡᵏᶤᶰ' ˢʰᶤᵗ ;; answers.

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wildcatofgreen · 1 year

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⚰️👪🧱😱

headcanon memes; comfort character edition

"Woof, that's uh... That's a lot, chief! I mean, can't say I'm mad but stones.

"I mean, let's get at 'em I guess? Can't be that bad."

[ ⚰️ ] what are your muse’s greatest regrets? what would flash before their eyes when they’re on their deathbed?

"Nope. It is that bad. Right off the bat. Fuck.

"I mean... ugh, Iunno. Still kinda banged up about the Lyli thing. Wish we both said somethin' sooner. She's still my bestie--dun't get me wrong, but damn, if I jus' told her back when Sony left for the first time I think a lotta that drama could'a been avoided.

"An' dun't even get me started on the drama. That shit makes me regret even lovin' Lyli in the first place. That I could throw away my damn husband like that, 'cause of some stupid shit I did. Spirits above, that had'ta be my second biggest fuck up.

"First bein' lettin' Lyli run off on her own. Lettin' her get hurt like that. If I fuckin' knew she was gonna get tortured I would'a never fuckin' left her. Not for a second.

"If she asked me 'ta come with her 'ta help her dragon stuff I would'a, honestly. I know I got so much here in Shang Tu, but I was jus'... waitin' for her 'ta say somethin'. Anythin'.

"But. She wanted 'ta go alone. An' I'm okay with that. She's with Merga, apparently. She's got good company. She'll be okay.

"But that torture shit... I think seein' Lyli so burnt and hurt, that'll be what I see before I die. Constant reminder of how bad I fucked up that day. Swear I regret it every day.

"Eugh."

[ 👪 ] what is your muse’s relationship with their parents like? was it always this way?

"They're dead, dickweed. I ain't ever know my parents. One thing closest to 'em was my sis and she fuckin' left.

"Most I know about 'em is that they loved me. That's what Cory tells me whenever I ask."

[ 🧱 ] how would you describe your muses’ morality? what are their core values?

"I--... Iunno. Like.

"I... Iunno!!! Like, I know my cores--if ya see someone in danger, help 'em. No stealin' from people who look like they need the money. Dun't bully people unless they're asshats an' they deserve it. No killin'.

"But my overall morality...? I jus'... I ain't got a clear answer for ya. I try 'ta be good, I guess. I'm like, a hero, right? So, I gotta be good. It's apart of the job or somethin'.

"Don't hurt no one who don't deserve it. Help your friends out. Be good. That's... that's what I stand for, I think. Jus'... bein' good."

[ 😱 ] does your muse have any specific fears? where did those fears come from?

"Nah, I'm completely fearless. Jus' another great quirk of Carol the Wildcat~.

"Haha... yeah I'm jokin'. I ain't... as scared of death as I was before--I can thank Bapho for that--but it still kinda... messes with me. Jus' ain't somethin' I'm ready for--ain't somethin' I feel like I'll ever be ready for.

"An', I guess I also got a 'lil fear of... Iunno, people leavin' me? That... that one feels new. But it's scary, bein' all alone. No one there 'ta help ya, no one there 'ta even talk to ya, even if it's negative. I'd take a conversation with someone who sucked charlies jus' so I could talk 'ta someone, if I ain't have nobody left.

"I can't stand bein' alone. I really can't. Not even for a fuckin' second, it's just... it's awful. It makes me get this pit in my stomach and I feel that empty feelin' again and it makes me not wanna speak 'ta anyone anyway but like I wanna speak 'ta someone but my thoughts keep tellin' me that ain't nobody wanna speak to ya in the first place an'--

"Iun't... Iun't wanna think about this no more, man. This fuckin' sucks. This fuckin' sucks real bad.

"Fuck."

#carol's cruisings #diffxrentwxrlds #asks #meme answers

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