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aimskyymama-blog · 7 years

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My Natural Hair Journey

As a Dominican growing up I was always told that sleek, straight, flat hair was beautiful and curly, kinky, afro hair wasn’t. As a child my mom would pull our hair into the tightest ponytails and braids but I hated it. I would literally wear my hair wild and hide when it was time to comb it. Bless my moms soul, she has silky straight hair so she did what she could with hair that she had no clue how to handle.

I’m the unhappy child waiting for cake with the blow dried bangs haha. I saw my mom, aunts, and cousins all have their hair put into rolos and blow dried weekly. If you have ever visitied my country you would quickly realize that there is a bodega (corner store) and salon on every corner. Its no secret that a lot of women will run to a Dominican salon even in the US for a good blow out. I personally believe we perfected it haha. Because of this I hated my curly hair. When I was 13 years old I had a derizado done when I lived in the Dominican Republic. Basically, I killed the hell out of my curls and scalp with a chemical straightener. I remember being so excited. “Finally” I thought to myself “No more nappy hair!”. I thought my hair was beautiful this way. Gone were the coils and curls and here was the dull, lifeless, straight hair that didn’t fight the heat or humidity. I am not saying straight hair is dull, but the chemicals used on my hair made my hair so dull. But I would do anything to look like the women in novelas on the tv with their silky straight hair. I remember freaking out when my natural hair began to grow in and I could see curls at my roots. Clearly, this is where my self confidence started to dwindle.

Why would I want to wear my natural hair when all of the women around me would strut their blow outs? In my country there is a very sad and obvious push against associating with our African roots. As a child I didn’t understand it but as an adult its impossible to miss. Words like "Pajon" which means afro and “Negra” were used as insults. Dominicans who displayed more of their Spanish roots were envied while those who had stronger African roots were not. My grandmother on my fathers side is what most would call “Morena”. She had the most beautiful dark shade of black skin. I thank her for my melanin (gracias Mama Rosa!)

Fast forward to years later. The flat iron became popular and although my derizado was growing out, I grew a new unhealthy way to kill my curls. I loved it. I was able to get it to my roots and fry those curls straight. I cant tell you how many burn marks I had on my temple and nape of my neck lol. But I didn’t care, my hair was straight! If I heard my hair sizzle or I saw any steam/smoke come out of the iron I would think to myself “Good, hopefully these curls never come back.” If anyone would tell me “I would’ve never guessed you had curly hair.” I was full of joy lol. Im telling you, growing up hearing curly hair is “Pelo malo” (bad hair) really did a number on me mentally. My goodness how I destroyed my hair. My ends were dead and I had crazy fly away’s from broken hair.

It wasn’t long I finally learned a bit more about applying heat to my hair and I started to use heat protectants. Still, killed my hair. Just at a much slower pace. Then I learned about the keratin treatments. I thought to myself “So its like a perm, but healthier? Sign me up!”. Almost $200 later I was back to chemical straightening. I continued to do the keratin treatment for about 4 years. My curls were barely there and this is how it would air dry.

At the time I didn’t notice, but my hair began to thin out because of it. After moving to Hawaii I realized how much I hated not going into the ocean without worrying about my hair. If you have done the treatment you know that salt reverses the treatment somewhat which is why you have to wash your hair with a sulfate free shampoo. I would go take a dip in the ocean and then hate that I needed to do my hair for work again the next day. It started to become a hassle. Slowly I started to get curious about letting my hair air dry more and what my natural curls looked like. I was stuck in this phase for about two years. I started to grow out the keratin but I hated having two textures.

Because of this, I buckled and went back to the hot tools. I wish I just did the big chop then!

But I was holding onto my waist length hair for dear life (even though majority was so damaged).

I finally realized I would have to cut the dead hair to really style my curls. So I did….

and then like a complete idiot who was still insecure about her own beautiful curls, I did keratin…again…look at how I lost the little bit of progress I had made.

I know I know. WHAT was I thinking? This is where I take a moment to tell you that if you’re struggling with accepting your natural hair, I HAVE BEEN THERE. If you feel like you look a hot mess and that people will judge your hair texture, I HAVE BEEN THERE. If you feel like you are simply not you when you wear your hair naturally so you continue to apply heat to blend in with others expectations, I HAVE BEEN THERE. If you feel like wearing your hair naturally makes you look unprofessional or unkempt. I. HAVE. BEEN. THERE.

This is what happens when you are growing up in a society that only has straight sleek hair in commercials. When “frizzy hair” is the before photo and “straight hair” is the after. When going to an event means applying heat your “unruly” hair because you want to look presentable. When not one of your dolls has curly hair. This insecurity starts as a small seed and grows and grows until it takes over your way of thinking about yourself.

Believe me. its hard as hell. This is why some people who don’t have curly, kinky or coily hair will never understand how much going natural means to me or anyone else. I not only found a head full of beautiful coils, frizz, and curls…but I found ME. I found who I really was. Going natural opened up a whole other world of self acceptance. I accepted my skin color, my hair texture, and my roots. This is why “Going Natural” is such a big movement! Its all about feeling good in your own skin and not changing yourself to please others.

When I turned 25 I officially said no more. I told myself if I wanted to grow my natural hair out, I needed to really commit. So I started to follow curly haired influencers. Sunkissalba, Shinestruck, lipstickncurls, Charmsie… just to name a few. This is why I can cry when anyone tells me I have inspired them to do the big chop and go natural because I was there once. I know how much it means to draw inspiration and motivation from others! So to you all, damn man. I really appreciate you! Seeing their curls on my feed planted a new seed in my head. One that screamed “YASSSSS gurl love your curls!” haha. Then I started to look up curly haired big chops. I followed TheCutLife and found so much inspiration. Proir to this I only found photos of wavy hair as inspiration but I knew that was not my texture. I needed to see real curly hair. Then right before my 25th birthday I walked into a super cuts (I know super cuts? But that’s where some of my best cuts came from lol!) and chopped it all off. I still had kertain/heat damage but I felt SO liberated. I wont lie, I cried when I first did it. But as my curls grew in, my confidence in my decision did as well. I have NEVER looked back since.

And alas, here I am now. Four years later back to a big chop because of my texture change due to pregnancy! Left is when I first did the big chop 4 years ago and the right photo is now. Completely different hair texture. I can only hope my curls return but I’ve also made peace with the idea of it never returning like many other mama’s have experienced. Either way, I am so happy to have shared my experience with you all! So many women tell me I inspired them to accept their curl texture and begin their own journey. I am forever humbled by that and I thank so many of you for letting me know that I not only changed myself but I’ve helped change the mind of others as well. I can sit here and wonder why I even went through years of growing my hair back only to lose it all again, but then I remember how many beautiful people I have inspired and I don’t feel so bad about it anymore. My journey was worth it all, even if in the end I have to begin again.

xoxo, Aimee

#naturally curly #naturalhair #bigchop #twa #aimskyy

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