#actually all that said i do wonder how this episode will affect the way Shinae views the brothers and how her relationship with them is

[trashlie]

ILY FP 209

vHowdy ho guys! Yet another post where I’ve basically taken my initial write up on reddit and edited it for additional thoughts/insight/changes in my thinking! Sorry to keep doing this but I feel like it’s the easiest way to do this, rather than just trying to write something new using all the points I’ve made before lol. That said, I still want to write up a post about how I’m viewing Alyssa and her sexuality (and how it relates to her need to fit in!) but I’m still struggling to figure out how to manage my time properly lately. ;A; 

Anyway, this was SUCH an episode! Like, literally gave it 5 stars for everything that it contains, and if you guys have read my ILY Brainrot long enough, you know this was total catnip for me. Nol airing grievances, Kousuke’s insecurities being addressed, some interesting callbacks/parallels to an earlier scene that has constantly vexed me, and a whole lot of drama. This episode was worthy of a bag of popcorn, frankly! Let’s dive in!

Kousuke actually saying, out loud, that Nol would be doing everyone a favor if he was gone is SO cold. Not that he's ever really kept it a secret, but I don't think Kousuke has intentionally said that out loud in front of Nol (at least, not knowingly, unlike that time Nol called him). I had said that I had a feeling Nol would be able to muster up the ability to say nice things about Kousuke in a genuine way, but actually seeing how many things he could say he admires about him, while Kousuke couldn't even pull up one, only a condescending backwards compliment... I feel like these last two episodes really epitomize their relationships and who THEY are. Kousuke has always been driven by his growing paranoia AND his fear of disappointing Rand, and they're both full on display. The way he loathes Nol is completely different from the way Nol dislikes (or hates?) Kousuke.

For Nol, it’s a matter of how Kousuke has reduced him to nothing over the years, how he pointedly denied Nol any right to happiness (and this is something I’d like to go a little deeper into, if possible, sometime!), how he belittled him for so many years. Nol’s dislike/hatred stems from years of being attacked. But Kousuke hates Nol just for existing. Nothing Nol could do or not do would ever change Kousuke’s mind. It’s so raw and vitriolic. 

There's so much honesty coming out in this episode and I don't know how to describe how it makes me feel - sad feels like such a paltry understatement? It really re-centers what we knew from those little snippets of their pasts: once upon a time Nol tried SO HARD to be a brother to Kousuke, to curry his favor, until one day he realized it was an impossible task. Once he was made to feel like nothing he tried to BECOME nothing, and even that was still too much for Kousuke. He tried to do what Kousuke wanted but his chance to disappear was taken away by him, too, in a fit of paranoia. Nol spoke nothing but the truth and Kousuke continues to warp and distort reality EVEN AS IT PLAYS OUT. The insistence that he'll be in trouble despite the conversation with Rand, because Kousuke is incapable of believing that. But what Nol said is probably true - Kousuke likely has never truly been in trouble, but to Kousuke, disappointing Rand is the same thing (and I imagine Yui is not without some kind of manipulative quip that makes Kousuke feel like he did not exceed expectations). And all this time, Rand has been ENCOURAGING Kousuke to do exactly what Nol's telling him. Perhaps he wouldn't describe it in the same words, but Rand knows that Kousuke has been at his beck and call his entire life and he doesn't want that for him.

It's funny that Kousuke is always calling Nol selfish. As readers we know that Nol puts nearly everyone ahead of him. In order to be selfish, you have to care enough to put yourself ahead of others, to take things for yourself without consideration of others. But Nol has spent his whole life considerate of Kousuke. On the other hand, Kousuke has spent his entire life trying to impress or please his father, without once following his own whims. To him, Nol looks selfish because Kousuke truly believes his life to be indolent, because he doesn't operate in an effort to please Rand. Kousuke feels the weight of a burden that Nol doesn't share - except the only person shackling him with that burden is himself (and arguably Yui, but that's a whole other thing). We haven't ever seen Kousuke chase after something HE truly wants - something out of pleasure or joy. I assume university was the last time he ever did anything truly for himself, and we saw that he was called home and left it all behind to come to this life and never looked back. What Nol said about playing the piano - when did Kousuke stop? Has he ever played it recently? Is it something that he told himself was a childish hobby and now, as a grown man, he mustn't entertain these childish whims anymore or something?

Idk how to word it well but this chapter just feels SO raw. Nol put SO MUCH of himself out there. They're an interesting opposite of each other in this way - though Nol has kept everything to himself and swallowed everything down whole, he's the one more willing to air his grievances with Kousuke and be honest but Kousuke can't even be honest to himself. Every day he is lying to himself. Think about how he had to talk to himself about the CFO position, reminding himself he wants this, he wants that life, even if he has to uproot himself and go to Tokyo. At the end of the day, Kousuke goes through the motions. Does he enjoy his job or is it all just the pursuit of someone else's approval? No wonder he thinks Nol is childish and lazy - Kousuke was made to believe that as adults, we must sacrifice things and that there is no room in an adult life for whimsy or pointless enjoyment. In episode 27 when Nol says he’ll be cold with Shinae, Kousuke closes his eyes and says they’re ridiculous and tells them to stop acting like children. Why are his eyes closed? He’s been conditioned to think that everyone must act a certain way - that he has an image to keep and he doesn’t have the “liberty” to live freely as he thinks Nol does. To him, Nol is the selfish one for living for himself when he’s supposed to be adhering to a particular image, because isn’t that what it means to be mature, to be an adult, to impress others? 

This is also the second time someone has predicted Kousuke won't be good at his job. Yujing has noted that she thinks he's not ready, he's moving too fast. Nol isn't wrong that someone without his own convictions won't be fit to run a company. I don't doubt that Kousuke has and will continue to develop other necessary skills, but convictions are important. A CEO can't fold to everyone else's whims, and that's where Kousuke lacks the most. How do you push back against the people you are trying to maintain good relations with? 

In the same way that Nol has spent so many years now living as Yeonggi in a prison of his own making, Kousuke has been living like a dog chained up - except the chain is of his own making. Like Nol says - there's a difference between respect and blind obedience. Kousuke is in his mid 20s and he still lives like he's a 14 year old afraid to be grounded. That fear of disappointment is SO. DEEPLY. ROOTED. And I know that's a hard thing to let go of. As a 30-year-old I still avoid certain confrontation with my parents for fear of having to deal with that fall out. But what Kousuke is dealing with is something so much bigger than that. He DOES need help. He needs someone to help him unlearn and let go of those fears. His entire identity is comprised of this, and it’s why he unraveled like that when he found out Rand had heard everything he said. Without these aspects of his identity, who is Kousuke? 

But it's also so sad to see Nol lay out his feelings like that, and how Kousuke meets them so coldly. Nol was a threat from the very beginning. He was never given a chance. Even as Nol stood in front of him and sincerely complimented him, talked about things he admires even if he hates that, Kousuke still heard it as condescending, as attacks. That paranoia is beyond unhealthy. Nol's interview with Oxford University? Obviously all about Kousuke, because why else would Nol do anything if not to undermime him, right? And isn’t that interesting, that Nol had the opportunity to get away, that he could have gone far away from this family and been out of Kousuke’s hair, but he didn’t let him. What is it Kousuke wants? To get rid of Nol or not? Is it just that he believes everything Nol does is a slight against him, an attempt to make him look inferior? Or is it more subconscious - that so much of who Kousuke is was a result of ensuring that he always remained three steps ahead of Nol. Kousuke compares himself to Nol more than he’ll ever care to admit, and has used Nol as a benchmark measure for how he’s supposed to act and whether or not he’s the successful golden son. As long as Nol isn’t succeeding at anything, Kousuke remains on the throne. And how can he know how he compares to Nol if Nol isn’t here? If he goes to another country? And not only that, but it was Oxford. Their father’s alma matter. A school Kousuke didn’t think possible for Nol to get into. But JUUUUST in case he could, thanks to his connection to Rand, Kousuke saw to it that he never even had the chance, didn’t get to prove if he was the worthy adversary Kousuke worries he is. If he doesn’t know, then it can’t be true, right? 

Like Nol tells him, without his name, without Rand’s validation, without his family, Kousuke is nothing. Strip all of that away and what’s he left with? Who is he under the family name, who is he without Rand’s validation, who is he without his name? Would he amount to the same without it? I think there’s some extra nuance here that can be gleaned through earlier episodes - like Kousuke’s paranoid drunken break down, thinking everyone is calling him out on his flaws and predicting his downfall, because deep down, subconsciously, Kousuke knows what he is (or rather, isn’t) and that without any of that he is nothing. So he strips Nol of anything that can bring him warmth, of anything that can make him happy, of any opportunity to amount to anything, to ensure that at least if Kousuke is nothing, then Nol is negative. To ensure that Nol can’t benefit from the very things Kousuke has. He could have allowed himself a personality, hobbies, an identity, but instead he just decided to tear down someone else in effort to life up himself. 

But something that’s interesting about Kousuke comparing himself to Nol is: this isn’t the first time Nol has managed to goad Kousuke into doing something just to prove himself. When Nol turns to leave, after Kousuke drops to his knees in front of him, he goads Kousuke a little more and Kousuke finally takes the bait. Though far more dramatic, this is much like an earlier scene back in episode 27. Kousuke makes a fuss about having to eat a hamburger with his hands and Nol makes a comment to just leave Kousuke be and let him eat it the way he wants. “He’s always been prim and proper, he won’t do it.” And then Kousuke does it. He cannot stand to let Nol have any upperhand. If Nol says he can’t do it, then Kousuke will prove him wrong. Afterwards, Nol smiles and I used to think (or hope?) it meant that Nol thought he was getting through to Kousuke, that maybe with enough prodding he could be a tolerable person, but now I think it was more that Nol just realized what kind of advantage he possessed, and how he could use that against Kousuke. I don’t think it was ever about any warmth towards Kousuke as much as a realization that there were some ways Nol had an upperhand when it came to Kousuke. 

And here he uses that advantage, goads Kousuke in to proving him wrong. It’s funny, because Kousuke has lately been talking about Nol like he’s a vicious animal, like he’s someone violent and unstable and ready to attack at any moment. But in the end, Kousuke succumbs to that violence. In the end, he can’t resist his own sucker punch (waiting for Nol to turn his back). He was unable to let Nol leave that room with the satisfaction that he was right. Kousuke ends up doing something he condemns in order to prove Nol wrong, because it turns out that proving him wrong is more important than upholding his image. 

“I would never stoop to your level” Kousuke says, before he does exactly that. Allows himself to feel something, to relish in his vitriolic hate, and embraces that moment of violence. 

I’ve said it before that in the same way Yeonggi was a mask, Kousuke also wears a mask, except his has become so interwoven, he doesn’t know where his mask ends and he begins. He puts on his little show, acts the way he’s supposed to, maintains the intellectual and mature hobbies he’s supposed to, puts on airs, makes himself look impressive. All these things that are just a superficial face. Nol said that Kousuke’s home is pristine, everything is minimalist, no clutter, designed with purpose. Who is Kousuke? WHAT is he? He finally succumbs to his baser instinct out of bitterness and loathing, intent on yet again proving Nol wrong, and all that hatred and loathing comes out through his fist. For a moment, Kousuke lets the mask slip and lets his real self come out and do what he’s probably always wanted to do.

Actually, on this tangent, there’s a lot of power dynamics at play here. Kousuke is the eldest and the heir, sufficiently the one who holds most power. Throughout their lives, he’s exerted his power on making Nol feel small, like nothing, ensuring that he stands on his chest and keeps him down. But isn’t it funny, how Nol ends up the taller one, the one who looks most like Rand and possesses some of his expressions and mannerisms? Kousuke has spent his entire life striving to become Rand and here Nol, a nobody, a nothing, an insignificant bastard is the spitting image of him but for his hair. And though Kousuke has made Nol feel like nothing, made him feel so small, now Nol looks down upon him in disdain. He’s no longer making himself smaller for Kousuke’s convenience, no longer minimizing himself, and by letting himself take up that space, he looks down upon the man who looked down on him. The balance has shifted. Kousuke’s upperhand no longer exists. He was keeping Yeonggi in place, he was keeping that kid in place - but Nol isn’t that kid anymore. There’s so many panels that emphasize the way Nol is looking down on Kousuke - both physically and metaphorically as he calls out Kousuke on his fears, as he turns the zero around on Kousuke. 

The way Kousuke wars with what he wants is interesting. There’s that moment where he slips, where he flies over to Nol and grabs him by the collar, but as Nol jeers down at him, Kousuke can’t do it and he slumps to the ground. He literally kneels on the floor beneath Nol, as Nol looks down upon him. All these years Nol has been the pest, the cockroach that won’t leave, a crumbling mess under Kousuke’s shoe - and here the roles have reversed. Nol looks down at Kousuke. 

Idk it’s just such a fascinating, interesting episode to me, and it really reinforces the identities of Nol and Kousuke - who and what they are. Though he’s hidden so much, Nol has still lived more honestly than Kousuke, and Kousuke has kept himself chained up, unable to live that way, and his envy towards Nol’s seemingly indolent life turns into hate. He feels so threatened by Nol’s existence that he’s believed everything Nol ever did was about him. I’m willing to bet he even thought Nol was hanging out with Shine as a dig against him. And here, again, I’d love to revisit the ways that Kousuke has pointedly denied Nol any kind of happiness (such as the way he demanded that Nol cease his friendship with Shinae). Everything Nol has ever done, Kousuke has twisted to make about him, because his life is so wrapped up in  Nol, in his comparison to him, in his effort to always best him a nd beat him into the ground that he believes Nol’s life must be so about him. It’s impossible that Nol could ever want to do anything for himself or for others, could have any other personality that wasn’t about cutting him down if Kousuke can’t, right? Isn’t that wild, isn’t that sad? Kousuke’s whole life is made up of other people. His personality is fragments of others’ desires pieced together. He can’t fathom that Nol does things of his own volition because Kousuke himself does nothing of his own volition. 

I feel like there's nothing else I can say without repeating myself. It's just. It's all sad. Nol never stood a chance. Whether or not he tried, whether or not he made himself scarce, none of it matters because Kousuke will always find a way to make it about himself. No wonder Nol feels like nothing, why he feels like he's always being punished. No amount of effort could ever make his family love him* so what was the point of anything?

(* I can tell Rand loves him but he has never really shown it so I'm not going to pretend that Nol knows he does. As far as Nol knows, he's a mistake that shouldn't have happened and he's made life worse.)

I've talked a lot about my feelings that the big time jump will see the main characters going their separate was and coming back into each others' lives as adults, and I wonder if this would lead to that or not. Nol gave him his word and Kousuke gave him the reaction he was trying so hard to get. So will he go ahead and disappear like he said? I hope not, but also, can you blame him for wanting so badly to just get away from it all? God it all just makes me feel so SAD.

EDIT: follow up because everyone has pointed out the railing breaking and !!!!! aaaaaaahhhh!!!!! There's so many falls, Nol has had so many falls, and one CAUSED by Kousuke is big! Who was it who has the theory that the altercation between Nol and Kousuke involved some kind of fall for Kousuke? And now this time, it's Kousuke the one to cause something? My how the turntables! But also.... if you get injured prior to getting locked away, what do they do with you?! We don't need any more head injuries.... (I’ve been informed he would go to a hospital and then just be transported to prison once he’s released).

And it always brings up: how is Kousuke going to feel? Vindicated? Horrified? Will he just wheel it back and blame Nol because "you pushed me you made me do it"? Will he actually show some sense of care and worry that ISN'T rooted in what father will think or do? Does he care at all about Nol or is it all just pure resentment anymore? It’s true, Nol did goad Kousuke into doing it, but Kousuke succumbing to violence was still his own choice. The only thing that made him do it was his need to prove Nol wrong, to try to maintain his upperhand. With so much vitriol in his heart, would Kousuke even care that he caused harm or just be horrified that he did, horrified of what other people will think? Much to think about! 

#I Love Yoo #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #ILY Brainrot #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Nol #Kousuke Hirahara #i mean this is largely about them let's admit it lol #I don't think it's worth tagging anyone else because this all about the Kousuke Nol dynamics slash power play #actually all that said i do wonder how this episode will affect the way Shinae views the brothers and how her relationship with them is #she tried so hard to keep them from going at each other but forces of nature cannot be tamed #will she be horrified by both of them? will she feel nol's pain? will she condemn his methods? #will she rethink if Nol (who is not Yeonggi) is a person she wants to stay by #will she see the face value of nol and kousuke's relationship and understand? #it's such a complex situation tbh and i can't blame her if this makes her take a step back but aaahhhhhhhh #so many things to mull about #ILY Commentary

[trashlie]

New Aegi hug on the anniversary of Ep151 hug and it starts snowing because Symbolism baby!!! 🤗🤗🤗🥰

Didn't Quimchee say she wanted to show how everyone's memories are not 100% reliable due to their own implicit biases and trauma?  Thus creating inconsistencies in the flashbacks. I wonder what other purpose Maya's flashback serves. She's the third party in this situation having observed the two of them and will probably play a role in resolving their drama. The thought of Alyssa and Nol both hurting Shinae to protect her kills me!!!! You are galaxy brain girl! 🤯 Yes, I think this recollection will be a huge revelation for Shinae. She's not at fault for putting her trust in others. She can have faith in humanity even if it feels like the world is against her. I think this will help her become the supportive friend she aspires to be. Whatever comes from their exchange, I really want Nol to gain insight from Shinae to never give up hope in the goodness in people Kousuke like Shinae did.

As for Kousuke, my theory is that after the flashback, he will go to the party to talk to Shinae. She called him and we don't know what he said to her regarding Nol. Maybe he wants to make up an explanation. (There's also Rand's speech on TV that may be important storywise for him to watch. Perhaps Rand will reword it to send a message to both him and Nol.) On his way there, I think he will witness them reconciling. It was talked about on twitter that there could be a parallel to the end of Ep18 where Kousuke was watching them exchange phone numbers from a balcony. It would be a really nice touch for the story circle back to the moment when all three of them intertwined their lives together but with Nolan this time instead of Yeonggi.

I definitely wanted to answer this earlier this week before this episode went up but WELP I clearly did not do that lol but bear with me! I loooooooove this ask; you brought up something I LOVE to talk about! (Spoiler alert: I love to talk about everything lmao)

God I forgot Shinae had said she wants to give Nol a hug haha imagine actually getting that wauw! I'm not really holding my breath for it given how things currently are but I would love that. BOOKENDS!!!!! A parting hug and a reunited hug!!!! From rain to snow!!!!!! GOD that's beautiful!

Didn't Quimchee say she wanted to show how everyone's memories are not 100% reliable due to their own implicit biases and trauma?

BINGO BINGO BINGO Even though 197 made me pause and contemplate what I'd written before it came out, I still think this is worth examining, and this goes for all flashbacks. We've seen it most heavily with Nol and Kousuke, of course, where Kousuke's censored Nol's mom in his own memories, and the way Yui appears in Nol's recollection, but yes, I think we are supposed to acknowledge that in all memories or recollections, we are not seeing the whole story, or even necessarily the way things happened. In fact, even after episode 197, I think a lot of this still stands, because something important to glean from Shinae's memories is that what happened with her and Alyssa was not simply between her and Alyssa. There's a number of extenuating circumstances and forces that influence their choices and behavior. If it was solely between Alyssa and Shinae, maybe it would have turned out differently, but given that we know Alyssa is a character with different wants and needs than Shinae, who is affected differently than Shinae by the bullying the image others have created for her, it's no surprise that she makes the choices she does, right? I think you know well enough that when I say this I'm not excusing her behavior, but sometimes I like to reiterate this lol. At the end of the day, Shinae can only remember the way she was influenced and affected; especially if Alyssa isn't forthcoming about things, she's not privy Alyssa's side of the story, to why she did the things she did or made the choices she did. In Shinae's view, it's always going to be something confusing that she didn't quite understand, and may still not understand after all.

Yes, I think this recollection will be a huge revelation for Shinae. She's not at fault for putting her trust in others. She can have faith in humanity even if it feels like the world is against her.

This is what I hope for, as well! One of the most important lessons for Shinae to learn is that no matter how it feels, she is still the one in control of her own life, that she's not fighting against some kind of karmic destiny; the cards are just stacked against her. Because of how Alyssa hurt her, she built these walls and convinced herself that people could only let her down, but even though Nol did let her down, she's also learned that's not true. There are people like Minhyuk and Dieter who have never let her down. There are people like Rika and Maya who let her down but made it up to her and resolved to start over and do better. I think seeing herself in Nol will help her view her past through a new kind of clarity and understanding that she is always responsible for her choices. Does she want to stay locked inside of her self-built prison, to never again give anyone chance and lie to herself all the time again? Or does she want to embrace what she really wants and face her fears? No one can change over night, and Shinae will still take time to grow, but I think - or maybe I just hope - that seeing each other in one and other will help Nol and Shinae climb out of those very deep holes they're currently stuck in.

Tangential, but this is absolutely something I love about Shinae, because once upon a time I also had very similar ideas, though not nearly as deeply rooted. It's so easy to tell yourself that people suck and will always let you down. There's a sort of comfort in it, because once you start to think otherwise, you have to reckon with questions like "If people don't inherently suck, then why did this person hurt me?" which is sometimes even more uncomfortable, right? Shinae has been hurt by a lot of people and acknowledging that they hurt her by choice, not because that's just human nature, can make those instances feel even more painful. But again, that's something I hope she will come away from this flashback with - that even though she's been hurt, there are still those who DON'T want to hurt her, those who will see her for all that she really is. Minhyuk, for instance, is pointedly juxtaposed against Alyssa in that one is willing to throw her under the bus in order to save face and get what she wants and the other is willing to stand up for her despite what others will think of him.

And like you, I want Nol to come to this same conclusion, too - that there are people worth investing in, people worth fighting against the universe for, people worth letting down your guard and sharing a part of your heart. Despite knowing that Soushi is "working for Kousuke", I think it's safe to still say that, like Shinae, Dieter and Soushi have proven to be people who do care about Nol and his friendship, who appreciate what he's done for him, and are willing to fight for him, too. And, yes, I think there's also some kind of hope that one day he and Kousuke can.... reconcile? Make peace is probably the better word lol. Like Nol, Kousuke has been dealt his own circumstances, and I hope that Kousuke will come to see beyond them and maybe, you know, deal with all his trauma lol. I'm really, really looking forward to seeing what comes of their futures, actually.

The thought of Alyssa and Nol both hurting Shinae to protect her kills me!!!!

I find myself already questioning this one, as much as I really want it to be true lol just based on 197 because SIGH Alyssa is Alyssa lol. I think.... there's still two different forces affecting Alyssa and she's trying to control them in her own way but this is something I'll have to come back to again sometime. I think it would be fun if I was on to something, because I do love the idea that in the same way Shinae is a foil to Alyssa regarding their individual relationships with Nol, I'd LOVE to see Nol as a parallel to Alyssa regarding Shinae. We already see hints of it, in which they both have been people to "cause" (used loosely here lol) a fall that resulted in a head injury to Shinae, both having betrayed her trust and affection. I guess if it turns out I'm wrong, then we get to see Nol and Alyssa foiled, in that one made choices for their own benefit and the other made choices for Shinae's benefit? I guess that's something we'll have to revisit one day!

I know it's very naive of me, but I'm constantly hoping there's more to Alyssa and Shinae's past, because why else would we see it played out in such a long-drawn-out format, when we could have used what we already knew? I guess, again, part of it is illuminating that no situation is as simple as it appears - that Alyssa is pitted with what she wants against what she has, and that she makes choices based on those external factors, like validation and how others perceive her, compared to someone like Shinae who has learned that she'd rather have a real friend that someone who fakes it. But... idk. I guess I'm constantly holding out hope there's something more, and I feel like the implications of the bullying in 196 DO give us a little more insight to things. Maybe that's the straw that broke the camel's back, something she wants to guard so strongly that she snaps and falls apart?

(I think this is a good time to remind us of Alyssa's parallels with Kousuke, how they both reach a point where they can no longer control the narrative and snap, passionately reacting in anger. Alyssa has been cornered and despite doing everything she can to shake this association she was "saddled" with, she's failing to do just that. This is something I think I'll get into in another post, but essentially, I think we're seeing that Alyssa was driven into a corner and behaved much like Kousuke does when he's also driven into a corner; she found a way to take control her own way, and it bore consequences against others.)

It would be a really nice touch for the story circle back to the moment when all three of them intertwined their lives together but with Nolan this time instead of Yeonggi.

Oh ILOVE this, I love this a lot and I did not even consider it at all lol. Frankly I am not sure what Kousuke is going to get up to, but since Yujing drove them all, it's not like he's going to drive himself back, short of hailing a taxi, which is a possibility! But aaahhh the idea of going ALL THE WAY FULL CIRCLE is !!!!!!!!!! Extremely up my alley lol. Also just RIGHT paralleling the beginning of it all? DELICIOUS!!!!! I've already talked at great length about how this is clearly a new beginning for Nol and Shinae, in that he made his decision to return, that the act of climbing up to meet her is a conscious choice and not for the sake of closure, I'm pretty sure. So the idea of Kousuke seeing them making up (ESPECIALLY now that Shinae knows Kousuke had interfered in their relationship!!!), with Nol truly himself, not a fake version of himself, is absolutely delightful.

I know once upon a time, quim said there was a panel in the first so many episodes of ILY that revealed the relationship between Nol, Kousuke, and Shinae, and it's essentially believed to be one wherein Nol is walking away from everyone and Shinae is being taken away by Kousuke. I wonder if it's likely that what we now get to see is a conscious choice against that - where yes, once upon a time, Yeonggi was someone who walked away from his friends, but now Nol is going to be making his own choices? Again, I have to reiterate that this entire reunion arc doesn't feel like it's simply for closure, otherwise why dedicate so much build up and climax to it, you know? There doesn't feel like an air of finality to it as much as an air of a beginning. One, again, with fewer secrets, no masks, and equal footing. One where maybe this time Kousuke does not hold all the cards, where Shinae is more forthright and assertive, and where Nol, hopefully, is more considerate of his choices?

There's a whole tangent here we could get into about what this means for Kousuke, too - to have less control over the people he's been trying to keep a handle on, in addition to the fact that Nol is facing him more squarely. We already saw at Alyssa's agency's party how very thrown off balance he was by... well, everything lol. I think that's going to be something that affects more than just this moment, but that's something we stand yet to see, I think!

Again, something I continue to reiterate is that I believe this reunion is absolutely setting us up for the dynamics these characters will have when we reach our Big Time Skip, so the idea of this being a bookend to how Nol and Shinae first "became friends" (under the guise of Nol's mask as Yeonggi, never intending to be true friends, watched over by Kousuke) to a true friendship and alliance forming where Kousuke holds less control... POWERFUL. Thank you for bringing that concept to my attention, I'm going to fixate on it all night long now!

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Nol #Alyssa Cho #Kousuke Hirahara #i skirted around spoilers again so I don't think this needs a spoiler tag lol #I'm trying to save all my more spoilery thoughts for a better more cohesive post but i'm also like should i just wait for this arc to end? #i think we have one more post to this flashback unless there's any way to stretch out what remains so? #i just have a LOT of thoughts about alyssa and co and i wanna yell about them #but look i just have a lot of thoughts period at any given time so who is really surprised #anyway as always i am a suCKEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR for parallels so THANK YOU for bringing these up to me #PARALELLS. BOOKENDS. #god bookends are especially good because i have never in my life been a crafty enough storyteller to utilize them #just always here screaming into the night about nol and shinae starting over their friendship for real as friends. so good to me