#a revision could be adding a verb that makes the simile more congruent btw

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

rereading the worst scene I have ever written in my entire life and why did harrison have to drag lonan so hard here:

The sound of Lonan’s voice is like crashing into a concrete wall.

#this is a simile that in my poetry workshop we might say isn't quite symmetrical enough #BUT IS IT FUNNY YEAH #not that I care to critique the line because literally not the point of this book but since we're here and I mentioned the symmetrical thin #LET'S TALK ABOUT IT BC IT'S ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I LIKED #ABOUT MY POETRY WORKSHOPS (this is a joke if my prof ever sees this) #anyway so basically entails having a simile where the comparison doesn't feel quite accurate to what it's describing #that can entail accuracy in tone size etc #like for example here it's hard to grasp how a voice can BE like crashing into a wall #bc the senses here aren't quite symmetrical (hearing the sound of a voice VS feeling or seeing something crash) #ANYWAY not saying I don't think it works it's just a neat thing I learned that I actually do like and think you can use #intentionally too....... but I'd never thought of the symmetricality (? lmao) of similes before #& I think it's made them stronger #a revision could be adding a verb that makes the simile more congruent btw #like “HEARING lonan's voice is like crashing into a wall” etc bc the verb hearing is symmetrical with the “image” (in this case sound) #that a crash makes..... anyway this has helped me when i'm like why tf does this simile not work #ANYWAY RANDOM CRAFT CHAT IN THE TAGS AS WE LAUGH AT LONAN HAHAHA YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES U etc