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fearnesbells · 11 days

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laudna and grief! unformed!

been a minute since i posted something that wasn’t a meme on here, but! c3e95! walk with me!

there is acceptable grief, and there is unacceptable grief. there is grief that fits as a digestible reaction for those around you, and then there is the irradiating, festering grief that grows teeth and eyes and hands and tries to take everything around you and break it down it so the world feels a little less all-consuming. most loss that i have experienced results in some mixture of the two, and this seems to be a fairly universal experience.

orym is a master of acceptable grief. he has a very understandably painful background that is very easy to conceptualize, at least on paper, for those around him. he has lost his father. he has lost his husband. he mourns quietly, by going to gravesites and using tokens of those who died. but that other grief, the irradiating kind, he very obviously does not do anything with that. that’s what led him to encourage laudna to let the darkness overtake her. that’s what led him to take the sword away from everyone. that’s what led him to deal FIFTY POINTS OF DAMAGE to laudna when she tried to wither the sword from his back. his grief has become cancerous! it is tainting his vision and clenching his fists. he is a dangerous, dangerous man right now. but that danger isn’t discussed, because his grief has fit the bounds of acceptance for a very long time, as opposed to:

laudna! laudna, laudna. laudna broke my heart this episode. her grief has never been acceptable. not in its totality. her death was an isolating, singular event, a death for the purpose of a message sent to strangers… more difficult to empathize with, from the outside. and then she WOKE UP! and she came back DIFFERENT! she isn’t mourning a husband, she isn’t solely mourning her father, she mourned HER LIFE. “do not speak to me about loss again.” her violent, evil, unacceptable grief about her death quite literally grew a mouth and eyes and hands, and it became her abuser, perched up in her head, telling her it would keep her safe.

for months now, laudna’s grief has been dismissed because it doesn’t fit a traditional convention of grief, bolstered by her stretching of the truth. (crucially, not lying.) but imogen still manages to see her grief, and tries to reach her, but to her, now, on that roof, in the wake of that fight in the dark, it seems like imogen isn’t worth enough for laudna to set the grief down. to LAUDNA, whose grief suffered through loss has told her time and time again that it is her only protector, cannot understand why imogen cannot see that this grief is FOR her. it’s to keep her safe.

that whole scene on the rooftop. the gears visibly creaking in imogen’s head as she tries her hardest to divine laudna’s intent, to try and find something explainable that will soothe the absolute bone-deep pain they’re both clearly feeling—and there’s nothing. laudna didn’t mean it, but she also did, and she’s not entirely wrong for meaning it. this was delilah, but it was also laudna, but it was also all of the hells gathering up acceptable grief and trying to push the unacceptable grief somewhere it won’t hurt them. it’s no one’s fault. it’s everyone’s.

“i love you, i just don’t know what to do with it.”

imodna: the narrative ship of all time.

#critical role #imodna #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #c3e95 #imogen temult #laudna #orym of the air ashari #bells hells #campaign 3 #imogen x laudna #jackie loves the lesbian witches #cr3 #marisha ray #laura bailey #cr laudna

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diabeticgirl4 · 8 months

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I was originally gonna do this after finishing campaign 2/ right before starting campaign 3, but then I remembered I'm going to a cr panel this Saturday and I'm bound to get spoiled AF so I want to get my thoughts out before then lol.

Aka- here's what I (maybe?) know about cr3 without actually knowing a single thing about it.

Player characters: FCG/Fresh Cut Grass??? (Sam's), Fearne (Ashley's, at some point?), imogen/laudra(?) (marisha's/laura's, don't ask me whose is whose, I have no idea lol), orym(sp?)/ashton(?) (Taliesin's and liam's- again idk which is which lol). ??????? (Aka does Travis even have a character this campaign?? I swear I haven't heard a single thing about his pc). I'm also p sure I heard about Ashley's pc dying early at one point, I know nothing about that character. Also I think (based off a pinterest comment I saw) either Taliesin's, Liam's or Laura's (??) pc also die possibly in the same episode? Big shrug i don't know anything about that.

(Onto what I know about each character:)

Sam's- a robot??? Literal robot?? (Hey Sam what dnd race is that just curious??) Named FCG which apparently stands for Fresh Cut Grass??? I think that was a secret for a good while. Also side note, I don't know anyone's class in this campaign. They are still playing dnd 5e yeah?? Anyways. Childlike robot. I guess. I think there's been some discourse on whether fcg is Sus or just weird or what, but also from what I've heard sam is just playing him completely genuinely childlike and innocent. idk what to make of this.

Liam's- oh!! This is the backup character he's talked about for ages!! The air ashari (race?? I think he's something small, halfling maybe?) guy who's husband died and he's on a grief mission or something. Is named either Ashton or orym, idk which is which. also iirc liam's character in the Dalen's Closet one-shot was his current pc's stepson? or something? idk fun fact I guess? idk I think he's just a sad boi. liam's fave lmao.

Taliesin's- his pc is the one liams isn't lmao. I think he's orym??? I know next to nothing. I keep seeing a character w like. Gem growth on his shoulders or something?? Or wait I think I remember hearing something about an earth genasi? If so that checks out I guess? Idk I couldn't tell you anything else about him lmao. I get punk vibes off his pc art tho.

Laura's/marisha's- they share a bullet point bc I legit don't know the difference. Laudra and Imogen? At least one of them is v goth and angsty and terrible past a la yasha lol. She's like an undead human the same way costco guy from c2 was? Legit don't know anything about the other. They're a canon couple at some point? Like I think somewhat recently they kissed and everyone went nuts over it? Let's go lesbians?

Ashley's- from my understanding she had a first character that died so then she brought in Fearne. I know absolutely nothing about this first character. In every art I've seen of fearne I would do anything for her, she looks so lovely omg. She's like. what's it called a satyr or something?? she looks at least part fae and like. part goat or something. they're rly going outside the normal dnd races this time huh. also she has very much "looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill you" vibes. I love her already. also I'm p sure she's a spellcaster of some kind, I wanna guess druid. this is purely based off one of ashley's podcast intros where she mentions scrying in a voice that's neither pike's nor yasha's so I'm gonna guess it's fearne lol.

Travis's- ???????? I legit don't know anything about his character. I'm trying to remember names I've seen on ao3 and I'm blanking. He's still in this campaign right???? idk what to tell u. I'm assuming he's playing a guy lol. idk man.

Other things I know??

Apparently they bring in a bunch of guests at some point (like the slayers take mini arc in c1 maybe? Where they split the party and bring guests?) And all I remember hearing about emily axford from naddpod. I'm v excited to see her w the cr crew.

Something about an orgy?? As a main plot point?? I'm mildly concerned.

I have no idea when/where this takes place, at least 20-30 years post-c1 and at least partially in taldorei?? I know they go to Whitestone and talk to Actual Percival de Rolo (and/or one of his kids?) And I'm beyond hyped for that lmao. don't know if any other c1 pc's make an appearance.

Although I guess at some point keyleth returns and/or nearly dies and vax comes to her rescue except he gets turned into a ball? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

idk if this was fandom joking or if it actually happened but I remember hearing talk about all 3 of marisha's characters being in the same room or something. I know about keyleth but beau makes a cameo??

Also something about the moon. Moon(s). Moon drama? Not to trust the moon idk.

I remember seeing a vague post about how caduceus would have fared better w the c3 crew as opposed to the c2 crew. I'm not completely done w c2 yet (just starting ep 120!) so idk what to make of this. from vague vibes and discussions c3 crew is basically chaos incarnate? their morals are hand-wavy at best? they're just Weird? heck if I know.

Yeah I have no idea of anything lol. Also I've kinda heard mixed reviews, but I'm still v intrigued and can't wait to start listening.

#ignore me #maddie liveblogs critical role #maddie liveblogs cr3 #whoops that's gonna be my c3 tag whenever I finally get to it #can't wait for when any of this makes sense lol #I'm gonna sneak a peek at tonight's ep and be so lost lmaoo #also for the record pls don't spoil anything for me!#I want to go in as blind and lost as possible lmao

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fearnesbells · 4 months

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orym’s motivations slowly diverging from the original group intent but most of the group following him uncertainly anyway because historically he’s been their heart, their leader.

orym losing himself in something vaguely shaped like a mission and shedding all of his soft layers to accomplish it even when the mission isn’t clear.

orym becoming a Whatever It Takes unstoppable force posited against laudna’s But Not My Girl immovable object.

oh we’re on the moon now, boys. ohhhhh, we are in it now.

vid from @/yencirilla on twitter

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fearnesbells · 4 months

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so about that laudna-has-no-future 4sd chat...

marisha ray has throwaway lines and that is her god given right like anyone else and truly this may mean nothing

BUT

me personally i bluescreened when marisha said "what does laudna have to look forward to, she's dead" in response to a question of would laudna rather make contact with her future or past self.

i think laudna and her evolving worldview over the course of this campaign is sooooooo interesting so thoughts under the cut

"the worst thing that’s ever happened to me has already happened."

we all remember this! this is the response that laudna gave to orym when he softly pointed out that laudna seemed like she had the most positive outlook of the group. it was a central tenet of laudna's character up until that point, that despite the darkness that coated her soul, she was probably the one with the most zest for life.

she tended to believe the best in npcs that the party encountered. she had a rat marionette that got boners and made her laugh. she was wholeheartedly devoted to imogen and never, never believed that the end was the end.

and then, when orym asked her how she accomplished that, she responds in a framing of perspective.

she was murdered by the briarwoods at twenty years old. how can anything seem awful in comparison to that?

she died, and then she got to join an adventuring party. she died, and then she got to use her strange, eerie powers for good. she died, and then she met imogen.

she has hope because she's seen the lowest possible point her life can come to, and can only climb upwards from there.

she had a hope for a future, because of this. a good future. at least one that was better than the worst thing that had ever happened to her. and that future included imogen—

"can keep you from that. can keep us from that."

she had hope.

we all know this quote. this quote is the cottagecore lesbian life that marisha spoke to in four-sided dive. but i think to look at where laudna's at now, and to understand "what does laudna have to look forward to, she's dead", we have to look at the quote in greater context.

laudna is speaking to a possible future here. but in her words she's also saying that she understands that that future might mean abandoning what they feel called to do by the gods. in this moment, she's not guaranteeing a future, she's explaining to imogen that they have a choice.

and as of now, episode 82, arrived on the moon, they've made that choice. they're orpheus. they've descended into hell, and they can't look back if they want to make it out.

it's important to note that laudna wasn't lying way back in heartmoor when she was talking to orym. the worst thing that could ever happen to her had already happened. but she was operating then on her very human understanding of the world.

since then, she's died (again), been resurrected, seen magic beyond comprehension, and surrendered herself over to the spirit of her murderer that lives in her head.

there are no rules anymore. and laudna has learned that there is always something worse.

the quiet life she talked about with imogen might have been taken from her forever. the narrative has grown teeth and it has sunk them into both her and the woman she loves.

"what does laudna have to look forward to, she's dead"

she's orpheus, yeah? we know how this story ends. her love's been called to the hell planet by fate. she won't get out without losing something.

maybe—maybe—there's still hope for that cottage together somewhere. i don't mean to rule it out entirely. but i think that laudna herself, the character, has lost all belief in that possibility at this point. and that presents such a foil to the laudna that we met in episode 1.

sometimes the tragedy comes built-in.

even if. even when.

(all quotes pulled from critical role wiki's transcripts page)

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