#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
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In loving memory of a legend, Professor Patrick Henry Winston
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: In life and in death, the best teachers’ lessons stick with you. This month, I have used one of Professor Winston’s favorite quotes as a hashtag to document the role that other people played in my MIT experience.
MIT is hard but the people in this place make every single piece of this journey (both good and bad) worth it. Goodbye, MIT. Thank you for an experience of a lifetime.
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Dear Professor Winston,
It breaks my heart today to reminisce about how much you impacted me at MIT. I know that I am a crybaby but there is something about death that hurts deeply. I’ve always wondered how people get over it.
I still remember my chatty self gisting with Jenny in 10-250 about 30 minutes before classes started on the first day, when you mentioned my full name (CORRECTLY!) out of nowhere. You were the first professor to get it right on the first try and I remember how you broke into a grin when I looked at you, utterly surprised.
I remember how eagerly I dragged myself to 6.034 lectures (especially the non-compulsory ones) where you dropped life gems. Advice on how to speak, how to tell stories, how to work with people, how to start and run a business, among others.
I recently read one of your last emails to me which was a response to my request for permission to be absent from 6.833 lecture. I told you that I was struggling with negative dynamics from a professor in another class and had switched into a new one which required that I catch up 5 weeks of work in 2 days. You not only changed the subject of the email asking me to get some sleep (because I sent the email at about 4am), but you also told me that you wouldn’t bother to verify with my SCubed Dean because you trusted your students. The next day, you followed up with me and sent me notes from lecture.
Your passing has taught me a lot as time has gone by. It has caused me to reflect on all the incredible teachers I have had growing up; it’s one thing to be brilliant and another to share that knowledge as a teacher. But you didn’t only share knowledge; you shared wisdom.
Till date, whenever controversial issues arise at MIT, I usually think to myself “I wonder what Professor Winston would have said about this” Regardless of how messy it was, you would have encouraged us to fight for our people (staff, students, faculty) and protect them at all cost. You would have encouraged us to channel our brain power into helping to solve the problem rather than using it to argue with one another.
Professor Winston, “Jessica with the big hair” is so grateful to God for the chance to have attended MIT. For the chance to have encountered you publicly as a professor and privately as a mentor and friend. For the chance to have learned that all the “genius” in the world amounts to nothing without a genuine love for people. I hope that one day I will get over the pain and sadness that learning about your passing caused me. I hope that there will come a time when I don’t break down in tears after reflecting on all that you taught me in your actions more so than in your words. I pray that your soul continues to find rest until we meet again.
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Professor Terman, I am 100% sure that God planted you to teach both 6.009 and 6.004 that one semester in which I took both. I still marvel at your brilliance and the agility of your mind in solving complex problems so quickly. I remember one day in your office when you sat patiently waiting as I processed a question. My face lit up with the answer 10 years later and you broke into your signature smile and said “Yes! That’s correct!” At a time when I was just starting out in Course 6, your generosity with your time and support meant so much to me.
I want to honor all the lecturers and faculty at MIT that have invested in me. From Professors Joe Steinmeyer and Joel Voldman who taught me my first Course 6 class to Professor Fadel Adib who taught me my last, every single one of you empowered me to become the person I am today. You tolerated my questions, made time to help me when I was struggling, and encouraged me to keep working until I succeeded.
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I still have a LONGGGG list of people to thank but I’m sure this month-long series has made the point. MIT is hard but the people in this place make every single piece of this journey (both good and bad) worth it. Goodbye, MIT. Thank you for an experience of a lifetime. 💛
#RIPProfessorWinston #youcandoit #onlyyoucandoit #youcantdoitalone #ifyoutakecareofyourownyouwillneverbealone
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Celebrating beacons of light, Lina Ahmed and Sandy Jean-Charles
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: Everybody is carrying a load. No matter how heavy your load is, there is always someone with a heavier load. Please do what you can to help lighten someone else’s. Spreading love and light does not require a lot of effort but it makes a world of difference.
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Lina Ahmed and Sandy Jean-Charles. Two beacons of love and light.
Although I know Lina and Sandy in different capacities, they represent something similar to me. I’m sure that like most MIT students, they have moments where they are GOING THROUGH IT but I have never encountered them and left feeling anything less than uplifted.
Linaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. This girl really amazes me. One afternoon after classes, I tapped my ID and opened the front door only to be met with Lina screaming “Welcome to McCormick!” with a smile. I was intrigued to see her do this for everyone that walked past that day for about an hour so I asked her why she did it. She said “Oh I just wanted to brighten someone else’s day 😊” And that is typical Lina for you. Greeting people with a big hug and a warm smile. Giving people good vibes. Performing random acts of kindness.
I worked with Lina on ASA exec this past year and I really appreciated her constant reminders to take things easy and enjoy the process. Whenever I was getting worked up or stressing about something, Lina would pull me aside and say to me, “Jessica, relax. Everything is going to be okay. You’re doing a great job. Breathe. Calm down. Take a moment to enjoy all your hardwork because every thing will work out. Now let me see you smile 😄” During our cleaning session after Cultural Night, Lina pulled me onto the dance floor as she said “Jessicaaaa, come and let’s celebrate the end of a long period of planning and hardwork. We really did thatttttt. 🎉 Now, you don't have an excuse to not celebrate!” I am sure that Lina has had her fair share of challenges but I know that if she learns about an opportunity to bring light to someone, she will jump at it and do what she can.
Sandy is a bright light that I am grateful to have encountered at McCormick. At front desk, she talks to EVERYONE that walks through the door. She has a beautiful smile that lights up the place and whether or not she knows the person, she easily strikes conversation. Sandy can chattttttt. What! No matter how bad my day is, I know that once I encounter her, it will be better. I have watched Sandy year in year out pour her blood, sweat and tears into causes that she cares about. I have seen her give things up for the greater good of her communities regardless of what it cost her. Has she had bad days? I’m fairly certain that the answer is yes. Has that stopped her from extending warmth? Never. I miss Sandy’s infectious laughter and cute mannerisms.
Both Lina and Sandy have shown me time and time again that no matter how difficult life gets, it is possible to make some space in your heart to do good for others. In a place where things can get gloomy, they have stood out as beacons of love and light to friends and strangers.
Everybody is carrying a load. No matter how heavy your load is, there is always someone with a heavier load. Please do what you can to help lighten someone else’s. Spreading love and light does not require a lot of effort but it makes a world of difference.
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Celebrating a man doing his best, President Rafael Reif
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: Heavy is the head that wears the crown. I hope that anytime you read that phrase, you realize that it is a HUMAN head that is wearing the crown. That a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. That God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.
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President Rafael Reif. A man who is honestly doing the best he can.
I want to thank President Reif for giving sophomore Jessica an opportunity to change something that really mattered to me. There are so many great opportunities here at MIT but if a student is unable to settle in, they will not be able to take advantage of them. Orientation (both the week-long program AND support given throughout the first year) has significantly improved since I first arrived and I am so grateful to him and all the organizations on campus that have worked hard to improve the transition to college.
The first time I spoke to him was at his meeting with OMESAC that happens once every year. I poured out my heart about how adapting to MIT was difficult for minority students, but even more difficult for international students who also identified as under-represented minorities. We were immersed in this place brimming with opportunity and excitement but for some, it was too overwhelming to take it all in. I still remember his response to my 5-minute monologue: “Jessica, I completely empathize with you as I myself immigrated to the US from Venezuela for graduate school. I agree with you that this has to change…” After the meeting, he charged the Office of the Vice Chancellor and the OME with the task of forming a working group that would help international students who identified as under-represented minorities to adapt to MIT. Two years later, orientation has been remodeled to better serve the needs of diverse populations within the incoming class and though it is not perfect, it is certainly closer to what I had wished for as a freshman.
It’s one thing to say or do something because you have to, and another to do it because you want to be closer to the people you are serving. President Reif sometimes randomly stopped by McCormick to interact with students. Once, it was at our E=mc^2 party. The other time, it was at karaoke in Raul and Flavia’s apartment (MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE MCCORMICK EVENT). I’m grateful that even though he is juggling a million and one things, he makes time for students - OMESAC, first generation students, living groups, town halls, etc. His job is difficult, and I appreciate the fact that he is doing his best.
Before I go on, I want you to understand that President Reif is a human being before he is a president. And by virtue of being human, he is imperfect. It is impossible to agree with every single ideology of his, similar to the way we sometimes disagree with our parents. If this is the case, then why do we find it so easy to insult him? Why can’t we accord him the same level of respect that we give to our parents even when they do things that hurt us or hold certain opinions that we strongly disagree with? Why do we always hold an antagonistic view of him?
Last semester was rough. And I want to give a shout out to all the leaders - student, staff and faculty - that helped us to get through that scandal. On October 1st, I went to the student town hall in 10-250 and I experienced second-hand pain from some of the words that were spoken to President Reif and MIT admin. Please understand that I am not arguing for a party here. I am not saying the students were right or the admin was right. What I am saying is that it is possible to communicate your pain and trauma in a respectful way. It was certainly a murky situation and I will leave people to decide what is right and what is wrong. My question is: why spew out words that cause someone pain without speaking to the situation? I had never heard some of those words before and hearing them fly out of different speakers’ mouths repeatedly broke my heart. I was so SHOCKED to see him maintain his calm and composure.
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. I hope that anytime you read that phrase, you realize that it is a HUMAN head that is wearing the crown. That a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. That God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called. Thank you, President Reif, for doing your best.
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Celebrating a God-send, Bettina Arkhurst
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: We live in a small, connected world. You never know who you will encounter decades later, so do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Once again, our all-knowing and all-powerful God connects us with people long before the need arises - it could be a few days, a few months, or a couple of decades, but when everything falls into place, you will marvel at His wondrous works.
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Bettina Arkhurst. My God-ordained older sister.
I don’t think I can ever tell my MIT story without talking about Bettina. My experience with Bettina is the most tangible illustration of how God arranges life paths decades before the need arises.
I first met Bettina when I was about 8 years old. We attended the same primary school when she moved to Ghana for about a year but I don’t think we ever spoke because she was one grade above me.
10 years later, on the first day I walked into McCormick Hall, I saw someone who closely resembled her. I really wanted to scream “Bettina!” but 1. It was only day one and 2. I would feel REALLY bad if it wasn’t her. So I focused on hauling my suitcases into my room and made a note to self to find out if it was her later. When Bettina spotted me a few hours later, she screamed: “Is that Jessica Quaye?!” “Bettina?!” We both screamed and she gave me a BIG hug. Then she said: Wow! Welcome to MIT!
During the second weekend of the semester, I asked her if I could speak with her. She boxed brunch and asked me to come over to her room. Bettina extended warmth that reminded me of Raul and Flavia. She said to me “Jessica, week 2 is already done! How’s it going? How are you liking it?” I still remember how quickly her smile faded as she dropped her fork into her green box when I burst into tears screaming “I really want to go home!” Bettina comforted me and explained that homesickness was common for freshmen, but she told me that it didn’t last forever and things would get better with time.
Please help me to understand this. What are the odds that I will meet someone who spent only a year in my primary school IN GHANA at MIT? What are the odds that she and I will live in the same residence hall?
Every close friend of Bettina’s either heard of me or met me because I was her self-appointed +1. Everywhere she went, I clung onto her because she was one of the few familiar faces I knew. I even remember joining her and her friends to study in Seminar Room A 😂
Bettina introduced me to several organizations at MIT that saw me through to the end. She introduced me to PT when I asked for church recommendations (specifically the 11:30am service which was heavily attended by college students) and 4 years later I couldn’t be more grateful to have joined the PT family. She, Ashley and I walked to church together on most Sundays (except when Bettina was late - lol sorry to out you Bettina). She also introduced me to Gospel Choir, a student group where I gained another family and nurtured my vocal prowess.
On my first birthday at MIT, Bettina took me to Flour. She got me a cute cupcake and did the whole birthday shebang - song, candle, public attention. She made me feel so loved and cared for.
Bettina’s mother took me as her own. Every time she visited, I felt like my own mother had visited 😭 Whenever she came, she brought all the Ghanaians packages containing jollof, chicken, shito, and other Ghanaian goodies. Her biggest gift to me was her big heart wrapped in a Ghanaian mother’s love. I loved hearing the familiar Fante that rolled off her tongue and the laughter that accompanied her funny memories of Ghana.
Bettina had a heart for people; she cared deeply about mental health awareness and she invested a lot of time and energy into making MIT a more balanced place. At MIT, she founded a movement called “Random Acts of Kindness” Week (RAK Week). RAK Week is a week for randomly reaching out to others and showing them some love and warmth in whichever way you can. Whether it's a smile and a wave or a note of gratitude to a friend or staff member, RAK Week was founded to encourage people to randomly do something nice or show love to a stranger.
Last summer, Bettina and I reconnected when she visited Seattle. In true Bettina fashion, she surprised me at work with a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Pike Place Market and then she took me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant.
I like to think of Bettina as my God-sent older sister with whom I could share my first 2 years at MIT. She was in a unique position to understand my situation - having lived in Ghana once and known what a transition to an education system like MIT’s felt like, being plugged into a Bible-believing church and settled at MIT, and having a heart of compassion which never ceased to care for others.
Bettina, I never forgot what you did for me in my first 2 years at MIT. No matter where I was, for whatever reason, whenever I called, you came through. Whether it was lending me clothes, hearing me cry, cheering for me, tolerating me when you had your own battles to fight, or making me feel like I mattered, you played your God-given role of big sister through and through. When you briefly attended Alsyd about 15 years ago, who ever thought that our paths would cross again? I always pray that I can be at least half the person you were to me when I first arrived at MIT.
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Celebrating my academic advisor, Professor Leslie Kaelbling
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: Academic advisors exist for a reason that goes beyond approving your registration for the semester. Every relationship is defined by what you make of it, so think critically about what you are looking for.
Also, it’s important to speak up if you think that something is not working for you. If you don’t seek help, you will never experience better. BUT, speak up with respect and appreciate good effort; do not focus solely on the negatives.
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Professor Leslie Kaelbling. One of the best academic advisors in the EECS department.
I did not have a great experience with my first Course 6 advisor. Whenever I visited their office, I could sense the pressure to finish quickly and leave. It’s not that they were rude or mean to me. No, never. But they just had this air about them that made me want to hurry so that they could move on to the next thing. Sometimes I had to suppress my questions or concerns so that they could run off to their next meeting. That was not what I was looking for in an academic advisor. I hadn’t come to MIT with a well-thought-out plan for every class I wanted to take so I needed guidance in exploring my interests. I needed someone who had time to discuss my options and not someone that made me feel like I was standing in their way.
The first time we had to choose advisors, I did some research but I honestly didn’t know enough to choose someone. So when I went to Anne Hunter’s office to request a change of advisor, I made sure that I did my due diligence. I asked as many people as I could, read almost every post on the Course 6.AcAd piazza, and looked at subject evals as well as the HKN Underground guide. Based on her thoughtful responses on Piazza, her rate of response, and the extensive positive feedback I garnered, I requested Prof Kaelbling as an academic advisor.
Prof Kaelbling is incredibly brilliant and yet one of the few professors I have met who is slow to speak. Before she makes a call or jumps to a conclusion, she will patiently wait for your input and ask clarifying questions where necessary. She will then pause and reflect, all the while giving you time to also reflect on what you have said. She has this peace and calm around her that makes you feel at home in her office.
Every time I showed up for registration, her first question (before looking at my grades from the previous semester or the classes I had pre-registered for) would be : “How did last semester go? How did you feel about your classes? Which ones did you enjoy and why? Did you have time to pursue other interests? ” Then, based on my response, we would evaluate the classes I had selected for the upcoming semester.
Sometimes Prof Kaelbling agreed with my choice of classes, but other times she would push back: “I think you should try to take Class X at this point because it is critical for every engineer to know this material and it will serve you well later.” She understood that her students had different goals so when I told her that I wanted to take at least one project-based class every semester because I learned by doing, she allowed me to.
I called Leslie “Prof Kaelbling” for a very long time although she signed off all her emails with “Leslie”. So one day, after our meeting, I said to her “I have noticed that you sign off your emails with ‘Leslie’. Are you okay with me calling you Prof Kaelbling?” She had this heart-warming smile that she broke into whenever something amused her. Then she said: “Mm, I prefer Leslie. Whenever people say ‘Prof Kaelbling’ I look over my shoulder and wonder who they are referring to…” We both laughed, and I decided to go with ‘Leslie’ moving forward.
Leslie was more than an “academic” advisor. Halfway through my Course 6 journey, I had a “mid-Course 6” crisis. 😂 I emailed Leslie because I wasn’t sure what made the most sense to do post-MIT : should I pursue an MEng? should I go to grad school? should I apply for fellowships?
I know that I tend to exaggerate but you need to believe me on this one - Leslie’s response rate is a little under 5 minutes regardless of time of day. She responded and scheduled time to chat about my goals and how things aligned. Even at her distinguished position, she was not afraid to acknowledge what she didn’t know: “I’m not really the best person to give you advice about this because I did Y instead. But I know someone who did this and I can put you in touch with them.” During our conversation, she gave candid advice and offered to leverage her network to support me where possible.
In spite of her phenomenal research, Leslie makes time for her advisees and her students. Given that she is an incredible advisor, I should have known that she would make an even more exceptional teacher and I deeply regret waiting this long to take 6.036 (the one semester that she didn’t teach it 😭).
I loved watching her 6.036 lectures.
She had "study questions" during the lecture that made you stop and think about what you were learning: What happens if epsilon is 0? Does our theory still hold? What if it goes to infinity? Does it still make sense?
She also equipped students with an intuition -
Think about the discount factor when calculating the expected value for infinite horizon this way: rewards that happen sooner are worth more than rewards that happen far in the future.
The intuition for dropout is that everyday you might miss a few team members at random, so you need to train your system in order to cover for one another when this happens.
Becoming one of Prof Kaelbling’s advisees was one of the best decisions I made at MIT. My experience with her made me appreciate the impact of good mentorship and support. I know many people have different opinions on this topic but I believe that academic advisors exist for a reason and it certainly goes way beyond approving your registration for the semester. Every relationship is defined by what you make of it, so think critically about what you are looking for.
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Celebrating my older sister, Ashley Simon
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: Grace comforts. Grace soothes. Grace restores. Please extend grace without giving consideration to people’s race, gender, socio-economic status, religious affiliation, etc. Not many people in our world today do this. Your doing so will contribute to making the world a better place.
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Ashley-Grace Simon. The gift that keeps on giving.
We don’t often think about people’s names. We just call them, they respond and then we move on with our lives. But you meet people like Ashley-GRACE who live out the meaning of their name and it makes you pause. GRACE-ful and beautiful. GRAC-ious, kind-hearted and compassionate. Then you realize, “Oh wait. Names actually do matter”
With Ashley, where can I start for this to make sense? Because I feel like I’ve known her forever. Guys, God is a mastermind. He is TRULY Jehovah Jireh and the sad thing is sometimes we don’t even notice or appreciate while He is providing. Ashley was a gift sent by God, and one that never stopped giving.
When I tell you that God really comes through, I mean it. Ashley was my sister in Christ. We went to church together almost every Sunday and she was quick to point out the hand of God in my life. She was the one person I knew would come and wake me up to get ready for church if I had pulled an all-nighter and messaged the group chat requesting a wake-up call because I feared that I would oversleep out of exhaustion.
Ashley is the upperclassman that I spent the most time with. From living in McCormick together, to singing in Gospel Choir together, to going to church together. You know how God sends people to support and correct you? Ashley was that voice of God reminding me of what the Bible instructed in different circumstances. She never stopped extending grace even when she advised me and I did the EXACT OPPOSITE 😭
Ashley is the only person I have met at MIT who takes forever to calculate your share of the bill and Venmo-charge you. After some point you start to feel bad and like you are taking her for granted but no matter how many times you insist, Ashley will simply not budge. Every Uber to church, every meal, every gift from Ashley was given without a second thought. And she would always say “use the money to pay it forward instead”.
Ashley had the biggest room in McCormick. It was a room that served me well. A room that held many tears I cried. A room that heard Ashley shriek in excitement when she celebrated me. A room that watched Ashley work magic on my hair when I needed a makeover. A room whose door was never locked (metaphorically because Ashley is security-conscious 😂).
I’ve spoken about sophomore year so many times that you are probably sick of it. But I haven’t mentioned how much time Ashley gave to me in what was a really difficult period. I vividly remember sitting in front of the McC East Tower elevator with Ashley one day. Ashley spent 4 hours reminding me of the Word of God concerning my life and my situation. She strongly encouraged me to hold on to God when it was hardest because there was light on the other side even though it was hard to see.
Ashley is beautiful inside and out (I mean, the pictures speak for themselves don’t they? 😉) She made me appreciate the value of taking care of yourself and nurturing your inner man. She took her time with God really seriously at a place where it’s easy to give up so many things, and it inspired me to hold fast to my relationship with God.
Grace comforts. Grace soothes. Grace restores. And Ashley is a living epitome of grace. In a place like MIT where time is the hottest commodity, she graciously gave her time to others. She had a heart for people regardless of race, gender, social status, religious affiliation, you name it. I’m only one of the many people that Ashley impacted at MIT with her grace and I thank God for her life everyday.
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Celebrating my first next door neighbor, Kerrie Greene
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: It’s hard to think about the outlier when there are so many vibrant people around you. But the quiet ones are equally as valuable; they may just need a little nudge or may be suffering inside.
And as I have said before, God plants people in your life for a reason. God has a strategic way of placing us in the BEST environments even when we don’t see it.
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Dr. Kerrie Greene (MD/PhD). THE Kerrie Greene. My next door neighbor and #1 cheerleader.
Picture this. Freshmen have arrived on campus and almost all of them have infectious energy. There are the charming, amiable ones who are really excited about the next 4 years. There are the over-accomplished ones that leave you feeling inspired and looking up to them. And then there’s me. Quiet, always crying, and honestly not really the most interesting person to speak to at the time.
Relatable, funny, sweet Kerrie had the unfortunate luck of being my next door neighbor and I am SO, SO, SO grateful to God that He planted me right next to her. Kerrie was a whole VIBEEEE. As in, this girl was so accomplished and slaying everything at MIT but you would never know it from your interactions with her.
I can’t count how many days I was crying in my room when I heard Kerrie knock on my door. I would quickly dry my eyes, double check in the mirror to make sure there were no traces, and then ask her to come in. Kerrie was HILARIOUS. Oh my days, she made me laugh so hard. I now know that God sent her because sometimes she showed up on my lowest of days and really lifted my mood without even knowing.
Kerrie had a colorful and thoughtful personality, and she was a role model for academic excellence. From her, I saw the value of working hard at MIT and reaping the fruits of your labor. Whenever I was preparing for my interviews, she always had good vibes: “You got this. Go and show them who is boss. Call me with the good news when you receive it.” (Even when I bombed some mock interviews). We spoke about a lot of random things but we also spoke about grad school, career plans, and what made the most sense. It was really cool to have a friend and a coach in one person. Someone who you could sit and literally talk with for hours about nothing productive but also someone who was invested in your academic growth and professional development. Someone who didn’t have to talk about her accomplishments to inspire you - whose way of life was the inspiration.
Listen, it’s really hard to put yourself out there and make friends as an international student. But Kerrie just went with the flow. You don’t understand X? Oh cool, here’s what it is. You said Y and I’ve never heard of it, please tell me more. Simple. It was really nice to have one less person to code-switch around.
One Sunday morning, I woke up to Kerrie pounding on my door. “Jessica? Jessica, you need to wake up now! Jessica! Jessica! JESSICA!” I had gone to bed really late and didn’t have the energy to get up but this was the first time she had knocked so aggressively. I opened my eyes to a room filled with fog. I thought my eyes were adjusting to the lighting in the room so I ignored them. I sat up, turned on my side and stepped into a pool of water that came up to my knees. My room was flooded! Our side of the floor was flooded! One of the pipes in the kitchen was burst because someone left the window in the kitchen open (which is a VERY bad idea in the winter). Since my room was closest to the kitchen, it was the most affected. For some reason, instead of putting my backpack on my chair like I usually did, I had placed my backpack on the floor (probably because I was so exhausted). Everything that could be destroyed was destroyed. My laptop, my notebooks, my files, my suitcases, my shoes, everything. Hmm, the story of everything that happened and the aftermath is for another day. Kerrie stayed and helped me to clean my room.
It broke my heart to move off 6E because of Kerrie. She had added so much color to my once bland life as a lonely freshman and I really cherished randomly bumping into her in the kitchen or in the bathroom. But even after I moved off, Kerrie kept the same energy. She stayed invested in my life and was my cheerleader from afar. Kerrie was (and still is) for me, someone that made (makes) life less difficult. Someone that accepted me for who I was when I was finding my place in a new space.
It’s hard to be a Kerrie for someone when there are so many vibrant people around you. But the quiet ones are equally as valuable; they may just need a little nudge or may be suffering inside. You can be the light that highlights their beauty. You can be a (Kerrie) G to someone and have a significant impact on their life’s journey.
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Celebrating one of the best project partners, Premila Rowles
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: Be open-minded and kind; some of the best friendships come out of good partnerships irrespective of your differences.
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Premila Rowles (doesn’t rhyme with Knowles, but good try 😉). One of the best teammates I have ever had.
Making it to MIT as an undergrad is pretty impressive. Being a varsity athlete in addition? Well, that’s on a whole new level. And yet, PREMILA DID THAT!
I met Premila in 18.03 office hours. It was the day of the final and the TA was 2 hours late for office hours. There were 4 of us waiting and at that point, we weren’t sure that the TA was going to show up. Premila kept making us laugh as we tried to answer one another’s questions until the TA finally showed up.
We met again in 6.111 and ended up working together on our final project. I haven’t met someone at MIT whose craziness has matched mine as well as Premila’s has. Premila would never settle for anything subpar; even if we both did not know how to do something, she was committed to working hard to learn it where necessary. Her energy was refreshing and energizing. She would show up and do her part and do it well. But like I said, we were both crazy and strong-headed. I’m pretty sure other people thought that we were insane when we screamed at each other in lab only to turn around a few minutes later to discuss where we should grab dinner.
Premila had this level of commitment to honing her craft that left me in awe. In the last lap for our final project, we were racing towards the deadline and had been working for several hours. When we took a one-hour break, I went to Kendall Square to grab dinner and she went to the gym. 😱😂😭
Working with Premila constantly reminded me of my older sister’s mantra to “live a little”. As in, it’s important to work hard but it’s equally important to take a break. To break into a song in the middle of lab when the Verilog isn’t compiling. 😭 To take a walk. To call it a day and come back tomorrow to try. To take Saturday off and do something that you like.
Were we similar in our strong-headedness and passion for learning? Of course. Did we agree on everything or believe in the same things? Absolutely not. But Premila taught me that your biggest learnings can come from the people who don’t think exactly like you. That it pays to find someone who is willing to put in the work to accomplish difficult things. That the strongest and toughest people are some of the most beautiful on the inside.
Premila was the last person I said goodbye to after my last in-person class at MIT. I cried as I hugged her, thanking her for teaching me what it means to have an open mind and for being a good friend and teammate. She said to me: “Aww, Jessica I know this really sucks but it’s not goodbye. I’m going to miss you but I am literally going to see you in 3 months. You’re still going to come to Cali this summer and I’m still going to show you around where I grew up. 💛 Stay strong and safe travels”
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Celebrating a peer role model, Marla Odell
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: No matter how good you are, there will always be someone who is better. Smarter, more eloquent, faster at grasping concepts, etc. The magic of MIT, among many other things, is the fact that people who are way out of your league make it easy for you to be vulnerable around them while acknowledging that you bring something valuable to the table.
Whether or not you get to be an MIT student, I want you to shake off that feeling of not being enough. In the words of Shonda Rhimes, “Nobody knows what they are doing. Nobody. Nobody is 100% sure and 100% confident that they know everything. Remember that you belong in any room that you enter. And if you don’t feel like you truly belong, act like you belong.”
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Marla Odell. A peer role model and dear friend.
I am not sure that I can articulate the way Marla makes me feel but I will try. It’s a mixture of awe and admiration, laced with a deep appreciation for the way that she makes everyone feel valued and welcome. It’s the feeling of being around someone far ahead of you in every way and yet who makes you feel like you have way more to offer her. The key thing to note here is that she NEVER makes you feel less than her- she has a sweet and gentle spirit, one that is warm and welcoming.
Most people don’t understand why I make so much noise about GEL. GEL nurtured me as a leader, for which I am eternally grateful, but the greatest gift I received was the opportunity to work with my Spring ELL team. That team was a fireeeeee team. From Riley (our GEL 2 coach) to Kaitlyn to Marla to Rayna to Russell to Ryan, every member of the team had a unique strength. Our team had a penchant for team spirit (I wish I had taken pictures on the days we dressed with a common theme 😭) and everyone’s unique strengths helped us to improve as individuals and as a team.
I still remember Marla’s warm smile every Friday. I had 3 classes before ELL and by the time I showed up I was exhausted. Every blessed Friday, right before we were given our engineering task, Marla would ask with a smile: “So how is everybody doing? How did your week go?” and we would go around sharing until there was a call to order. She wasn’t just asking for asking sake - she actually remembered things that people said and followed up in subsequent weeks. She was such a good leader that even when tensions were high, she had this unoffensive way of giving input that made you feel empowered instead of discouraged.
After GEL, Marla and I remained friends and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for the privilege of knowing her. Marla is a gifted intellectual. She has a deep understanding of interdisciplinary subjects and she is so good at clearly explaining ideas. But when you are in her presence, she makes you feel like *you* rather have something to teach her. Like you are a gift that she treasures (when in reality it is the other way round). My conversations with Marla have caused me to think critically not just about technical material, but also about how policies influence science and technology, and how they in turn affect the world.
One day, Marla invited me to a dinner conversation with a group of her friends. When I saw the list of distinguished guests (😂 listen, MIT students are very accomplished), I informed her that my imposter syndrome had left me leaning towards a no-show. This is what Marla said to me: “Jessica, let me start off by saying you are every bit as smart and thoughtful as ANYONE in that group. I really want you to come because I know you have so much to share with everyone else in the group. I am all too personally familiar with self-doubt, but please don’t let that be a reason not to come. I promise it will be a very warm environment where you can speak freely (or just listen to what others have to say). And you can leave at anytime if you aren’t comfortable.” After some back and forth, I ended up going to that dinner and it was an unforgettable experience.
Marla embodies the magic of MIT; the fact that there are so many brilliant, electrifying people around who are exponentially better than you but who are excited about learning from you as much as you are about learning from them.
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Celebrating my African family
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: You can’t buy love (or trust); you have to earn it. You need to invest time and energy into establishing genuine relationships and building a community. Dear student group leaders, I know what it feels like to have a million things on your plate AND to have to be there for others but please invest in creating a community. There is absolutely no point in working so hard if nobody feels valued enough to come and reap the fruits.
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MIT African Students' Association - ASA . My Day 1.
Being an introverted international student who is suffering from imposter syndrome is hard. It’s not that you don’t want to make friends or you’re rude. Sometimes it’s that you don’t know what to say. Other times people might not understand your jokes or references because of cultural differences. And when things are really hard, you wonder if you truly belong 😟
I would like to take off the former president hat and talk about my experience with the ASA as an intimidated freshman 😢 I discovered the ASA at Activities Midway and was really excited to learn more about the community. As someone with acute homesickness, I spent more time crying in my room than I did trying to make friends. But that didn’t stop people from reaching out to me. Kayode Ezike, who was the president at the time, poured his blood, sweat and tears into making us feel welcome. Sometimes he would reach out to check if we were doing okay. Other times, he would invite us to come meet other members of the community at events. I was very inspired by how committed he was to getting us plugged in, by how the exec board at the time organized professional development and community-building events, and by how members of the community reached out to us just because.
One of my favorite memories of the ASA is of our potluck-turned-cookout in New House in my freshman year. It was late October/early November and it had started getting cold. We made jollof, chapati, grilled chicken and fried plantains, and we had as much fun preparing the food as we did eating together.
I grew fonder of the ASA over the years. Grateful that it had made me feel like I mattered when I felt lost in a big, new world. Thankful that it had given me a taste of home every once in a while (even though half the time the Ghanaians and the Nigerians were fighting over whose jollof was better 😏)
Last semester, when things got REALLY rough, one of my acquaintances said to me, “I feel like you are overdoing this whole ASA thing. It’s just a student group but you are giving too much to it”. I honestly don’t blame them because they didn’t understand. Firstly, it wasn’t about what it WAS - it was about what it COULD BE. Also, they didn’t understand what the ASA meant to me and how it made such a huge and intimidating place like MIT feel like home. THAT was why I was willing to “give too much to it”
I have seen several generations of ASA leaders working to make life better for current and future students and I have been a beneficiary of their toil and sweat. To former, current and future generations of the ASA, I want to thank you for doing your best. We are all MIT students and to be honest, it’s hard for everybody. So thank you for playing your part in creating a place I could call home.
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Celebrating a support backbone, Kim
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: There is never a perfect time to do anything. So if you ever think about doing something that is edifying and legal, do it today.
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[I unfortunately do not have any pictures of/with Kim 😭]
Kimmmmm. Someone that always brightened my nights 💛
I actually enjoy working desk. Sure, it’s a job and may not be the most appealing when you are racing against time to submit a pset or final project. Also not the most ideal when you need to be at your friend’s birthday surprise at 11:59pm but your shift ends at 12:30am.
But 80% of the time when you’re not in those circumstances, it’s pretty nice. It’s a nice study break. A change of pace and place. Something different. Also, you have the added benefit of hanging out with the security workers who have the most interesting stories (and with whom you experience the drama of difficult visitors)
I usually worked the night shifts so I interacted with Kim the most. I’m not sure how exactly we started talking but Kim soon became someone that I looked forward to seeing everyday. She came around the floors once every hour and every time she saw me, she would either be fascinated at how hard I was working or concerned that I was burning myself out.
If she entered the kitchen and it was past 4am, she would most likely say “Oh no, my poor baby. Please get some sleep”
Kim was so funny - she congratulated me every single time I came back to McCormick before 3am. 😂 She knew that MIT was hard and that I had no choice but to work hard if I wanted to stay afloat. But as a mother, she was concerned; concerned that I was trading off my health and wellness for something that was important but not worth giving up my wellbeing for.
At 3am, talking to Kim was therapeutic. She was always curious about why I was still awake and sometimes I would tell her about some bug I was still trying to figure out. But most of the time, we talked about life.
We spoke about many things. Sometimes I would tell her about my background, the way my parents raised us, and the way living in America was both a blessing and a curse. She would also tell me about how she believed in the value of working hard and how she ended up living in the US. We spoke about everything from relationships to life plans and everything in between.
One day, I was rehearsing my 6.UAT presentation at desk. After I had rehearsed it for the umpteenth time, Kim gave me extremely valuable feedback. She pinpointed the areas that were strong and then told me to spend some time explaining the relevance of my project because there was no hook to draw people in. Guess what? The next day, the one thing she told me to do was the one thing that everyone in the class loved about my presentation.
Kim was the last person I waved goodbye when flying out for interviews and the first person I saw when I returned after all my red eyes. As soon as I tapped my ID and opened the door, she would ask “How did it go? How are you feeling?”
Kim never ceased to remind me of how proud she was of me. She told me to never stop working hard and she always encouraged me to further my education and see it through while I was young. She said “If you have a keen interest and you have been given the opportunity and funding, do not take it for granted. Make good use of it so that you can build a better life for your family.” I know she was concerned about all the late nights I stayed up but she taught me to never become complacent.
Kim looked forward to my graduation even more than I did. She kept saying “Wowwwww. It’s been 4 years already. I can’t wait to celebrate all your late nights and your hard work.” Every single night, whether she met me on 4E or 7E or when I went to drop off the study room keys, she encouraged me. Every single time I had won an award or been accepted into some program, she would remind me how proud she was of me and how my hard work was paying off.
More than anything, I was looking forward to taking pictures with Kim on my graduation day. But this crisis has taught me that sometimes you just need to go for it; there’s no better time and tomorrow is not guaranteed. So, just do it.
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Celebrating a God-sent friend, Marwa Abdulhai
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: There are some people sent in your life to be destiny helpers. People who believe in your vision. People who are slow to speak and quick to listen. People who will cheer you on relentlessly. People who will believe in you when you no longer believe in yourself. Hold them close. Appreciate them. Pray for them. And give gratitude to God for the privilege of their presence in your life.
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Marwa Abdulhai. A destiny helper. An unwithering burst of energy. A Godsend.
(Wow, there is something really special about the name Marwa).
You know that feeling after talking to someone who always feels like a breath of fresh air? The one that leaves you looking forward to your next conversation? That’s how I feel about Marwa.
I started thinking about GTL Ghana about 2.5 years ago. I was thinking about ways to increase opportunity visibility to Ghanaian high schoolers and GTL seemed like a great way to kickstart. I remember sitting at the 3rd table on the leftmost row in McC dining (right next to the window overlooking Memorial Drive) in my Junior Fall. Marwa and I were grabbing dinner and we were catching up on life and discussing our IAP plans. We spoke about my ideas and vision for GTL. And let me just say this: if you ever need someone to pressure test an idea, Marwa is the person to go to. What! She turned my ideas upside down and around and around to ensure that I had all my bases covered.
When I was preparing for my Schwarzman interview, Marwa NEVER stopped rooting for me. I still remember our mock interview in Date Room A with her difficult questions. After each response, she would give me an encouraging comment, type away her feedback and then move on to the next. The 1-hour mock interview turned into a 2-hour session but Marwa didn’t say a thing. I knew that Senior Fall was tight and that she had her own things to work through so I was trying to be respectful of her time. But she said to me : “No, Jessica. Don’t worry about this at all. I believe in you and I know that inshAllah you will make it! Let’s just continue since your interview is so soon.” She looked at me with eyes filled with hope. And when we finished the mock interview, she gave me extensive feedback - “You had an excellent response but you didn’t acknowledge this risk. You made a good point here and I love the story that came with it. Hmmm for this one I wasn’t sure what you meant…”
Afterwards, she cheered me on. I still remember the exact words she spoke to me that day: “Jessica, you did an incredible job! [even when I didn’t feel like it] I can tell that you have been thinking about these issues and I know that you will do well. I have resource X, Y, Z that may be useful so I will send them over...”
You know that feeling after a mock interview when you feel inadequate because you weren’t able to nail everything? Marwa CRUSHED that feeling to death. She left me feeling like I would excel. That even if I didn’t get this fellowship, I was still destined to do great things. I sat in Date Room A crying after Marwa left. I could not believe that she had this much faith in me and was willing to invest her time even when I didn’t think I was good enough.
When we started research, we were both excited about the journey ahead. But halfway through, I was ready to give up. I was convinced that I wasn’t cut out for research. That maybe I should just stick to industry. That not everything worked out for everyone and that was okay. What I didn’t realize was that I was in a toxic environment that wasn’t providing me with the necessary mentorship. That night, I messaged Marwa to inform her that although it had been a great learning experience, I was jumping off the research bandwagon. Marwa came to my room that night. She had moved out of McCormick but found her way to my room. I remember Marwa sitting in the center of my room saying to me : “No, Jessica. You cannot give up. I know it may seem really bad right now but trust me, I have seen you work all these years. I know the kinds of questions you ask in class. I know how hard you work. These are traits of an excellent researcher. I think your case is one of a bad mentor and a series of unfortunate events. Research is a fulfilling experience and with the right mentor you will grow immensely. You seem very excited about your classes this semester. How about you try changing labs to join one of your professors whose research seems interesting?” When you have someone with THAT much positive energy around you, it makes a difference.
During IAP, Marwa got in touch. She wanted to know how GTL planning was panning out and if I had gotten in touch with other professors for my research.
Marwa, on Tuesday when I submitted my thesis, I broke down crying. OH MY GOD. MARWA I *ACTUALLY* MADE IT. The amount of progress I made with my research. The amount of work I accomplished with my new team. The way I looked forward to our team meetings and sometimes spent my free time working on my project. I really cannot help but marvel. God used you to teach me that perseverance pays the most when it is the hardest thing to do. God used you to remind me that He can take you from grass to grace in ANY situation.
Marwa showed up at almost every ASA event that she could. She was genuinely curious about the continent and she believed that meeting people was the best way to learn about their countries. She came to the BoY BBQ, to ALC, to Cultural Night, to Senior Night.
It was unsurprising that we always needed HUGE spaces like the BLR or MCC Game Room to celebrate Marwa’s birthday. She had a big heart and had impacted so many lives and we all wanted to celebrate her.
I can go on and on. Marwa is an epitome of genuine generosity; the one that does not keep a record or act with a reward in mind. She is generous with her time, with her love and with her energy. Every single one of my friends who has met Marwa (whether or not they know her personally) say “she is the most positive person I have met”. She is, indeed, and I am blessed to call her my friend.
Marwa, Alhamdulillah WE MADE ITTTTTTT. God handpicked you as my friend and I am so grateful for all the good times we have shared whether it was a random catch-up or an ideation session. Your faith in Allah and your commitment to growing your relationship with Him and the Muslim community on campus really inspired me to take my walk with God seriously. You have taught me to see the world differently and your unrelenting faith has reinforced the hustler in me. I know that Allah has only started with you and I am so excited to see your research blossom and grow. You are destined to change the world and I pray that Allah will equip you with supernatural strength during this time of Ramadan.
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Celebrating a family away from home, The Dakubus
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: There is a reason why it is more blessed to give than it is to receive. Being kind to someone else doesn’t always feel good - sometimes you might not be in the mood, or your act of kindness might require you to go out of your way. Being wicked, on the other hand, is very easy; people don’t usually go the extra mile to be wicked. However, be reminded that the kindness that you extend to someone today can blow their mind and plant a seed that they can pay forward.
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The Dakubus. A family away from home.
Today’s story is going to take the form of a thank you letter to the Dakubus.
Dear Grandpa and Grandma Dakubu,
I hope that despite everything that is going on in the world today, you are doing well. I wrote my last final today, and if the world were as we knew it in the past, I would probably be sitting somewhere in your living room talking about my favorite class this semester right about now. Since this was my last, we would probably have had a celebration and I would have taken you on a trip down memory lane. So here goes:
I remember when we first met during my freshman Thanksgiving. Man, I was so homesick. But I felt at home during that long weekend. Thank you so much for giving me a refreshing break away from campus and for sending me back to campus with all the Ghanaian goodies that I had been craving.
I also remember when the end of freshman spring rolled around and everyone was looking for storage. McCormick didn’t offer storage at the time and I was so stressed. You not only graciously offered to store my things, but also drove to MIT to pick them up. Even when it meant that you had to make two trips. Even when I filled your study room with my belongings. You were the one doing me the favor, so I should have uber-ed right? But no, Grandma T did not only come and pick my stuff up. She also woke up early to drive me to the airport whenever I was traveling.
You were both such good listeners and great story-tellers! I loved telling you all about my coursework and final projects. You asked great questions and caused me to think more deeply about what I had learned. And your research stories from back in the day taught me some really big lessons. I also loved talking to Mahrya about my biggest takeaways from the semester and how my summer plans fit into my long term goals. She had such great advice!
Do you remember my airport saga? Hmm Awurade Nyame. We have seen things oo 😂 Thank you so much for the comforting beef stroganoff that you made for dinner in lieu of the fufu and goat soup that was waiting for me on the other side of the world. I appreciated your thoughtfulness and generosity so greatly that night.
When sophomore year came with all of its problems, you always called me to check up on me. You never ceased to remind me that I could “come home anytime to escape the stress of campus or just to get some home-cooked meals”. You showed me what it meant to have a family away from home in my lowest moments. And in my best of times, when good news came, you were there to celebrate me. Showing up was more than enough for me. But no, you decided to come with amazing bouquets of flowers every time.
When Isabelle came, you extended your kindness to her in every way possible.
It’s getting late so I’m going to end my reminiscing here for today. But please know that I will never forget the kindness that you extended to me over and over and over again. It’s one thing to say that you will do something for someone, and another to go above and beyond just doing it.
It breaks my heart that due to the COVID-19 crisis, I was not able to say goodbye to you in person as I had intended to. I hope that this letter will bring to mind some fun memories that we shared together and remind you of the role you played in my settling at MIT.
At this time in our world where people find it hard to be kind to others, I pray that God will place kind deeds at your doorstep wherever you find yourself. May God continue to protect and guide you until next time.
Stay safe and well.
With lots of love and gratitude,
Jessica
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Celebrating a mentor, Professor Amah Edoh
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: We often take for granted the statement “you can’t be what you can’t see” but it is a phenomenon that is ingrained in the human psyche; even if it doesn’t ring true for you, it will certainly come up when you are in crisis. When you are a minority in a position of power, rising stars look up to you. Sometimes they may be dealt a blow that throws them off balance ; where possible, please support them.
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Professor Amah Edoh. A role model. A confidante. A teacher who prepares students for life.
Almost all my professors at MIT have been amazing teachers. Actually, all but one of them have facilitated my growth as a scholar and a community-minded individual.
One day I was in the middle of clarifying my question to a professor in office hours when they slammed the table. They said to me “This is a waste of my time! You should have figured this out long before...” I was so shocked that I couldn’t even form sentences. I managed to string words together to apologize to them, thanked them and left. Then I stopped in the nearest bathroom and called Isabelle crying. This professor had been subtly trivializing my contributions in class but I had convinced myself that I was overthinking their actions all along.
I wasn’t sure what to do so I cold-emailed Professor Amah Edoh asking to speak with her about a personal issue. Although she had not met me before, she responded promptly on the same day and offered to meet me as soon as possible. I was pleasantly surprised by how she went the extra mile to respect my privacy by offering to meet me in a more private space (instead of her office which had thin walls) so that I could feel comfortable speaking.
When I met Prof Edoh, I told her what had happened. So many things had compounded to this point that I wasn’t sure what to do next. Prof Edoh listened as I shared my experience. She empathized with me and tried to shed light on the professor’s perspective. She told me that their action was by no means acceptable, but that they may have had a bad day that they didn’t get a grip on. She also mentioned that sometimes there is an insane amount of pressure on a professor to crank out research papers or do a stellar job at something and that pressure can cause them to say/do things that they typically wouldn’t. However, all of that was not to say that what they did was okay. It absolutely was not. We brainstormed ways to navigate my situation.
As I listened to her speak, I started to wonder if it was possible to switch into her class instead. Here was a professor I knew from NOWHERE who had graciously offered me her time. The way that she empathized and calmly explained to me that the other professor’s action may not have been deliberate really touched me; she made sure to not invalidate my experience while helping me see the other side.
I decided not to report this professor and I will tell you why. They were not a monster. Even with the friction that I sometimes experienced, they had been nice to me on occasion. Their actions on that day were inappropriate but I thought that everyone deserved a second chance.
I believe that every instructor at MIT is brilliant. So when you are choosing a class, it is important to choose an instructor who will not just teach technical knowledge, but will also teach you to become a better person for your community and for the world. Prof Edoh struck me as one of those people; right before we parted ways, I asked her if I could switch into her class (literally the Wednesday before add date - look at God! 🙏🏾)
Long story short, moving into 21G.026 was one of the best decisions I made at MIT. It was my first HASS in which I read every single reading more than once (we had 3-4 each week).
Prof Edoh knew how to get everyone to engage with the material. The readings complemented each other so well and provided an enriching learning experience. They forced me to think about Africa through many different perspectives ; the subject’s perspective, the narrator’s perspective and the reader’s perspective. She taught me to engage with material and think critically not just about the content but the lens and the voice through which the content was presented.
During lectures, she asked people to elaborate on their one-liners so that they could shed more light on their ideas. She knew how to steer conversations to avoid monopolized, two-person discussions.
Prof Edoh has remained a mentor and confidante over the years. Every conversation I have with her enriches me as a global scholar and as a person who cares about my community.
That professor who lashed out at me gave me one of the biggest gifts I have received at MIT even though at the time it broke my heart. Dear friends, you too can be a silver lining in a stranger’s cloud. You too can help a helpless student to navigate difficult situations. You too can help to rebuild their confidence. You can be a Prof Edoh to someone today.
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Celebrate Dean Bisrat Abebe, my Student Support Dean
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: Mental health is an important aspect of our well-being that we often neglect. Please pay attention to your mental health and get help when you need it. And once again, PLEASE be kind to strangers, especially when you can tell that they are not in a good place.
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Dean Bisrat Abebe. One of my lifelines at MIT.
Hmm, sophomore fall. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller. What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter with footsteps even lighter.
The first time I called Mental Health, I was connected to Dr. Maryam Khodadoust. She was soooooo kind and helpful, even over the phone. She helped me to calm down and we scheduled a time for me to go see her.
On the day I showed up for my appointment, I was so distraught. I was sitting in the lobby crying my eyes out when a stranger walked up to me. She said hello and asked if she could hug me. After I consented, she gave me a big hug and told me that everything would be okay. Oh Lord. Tema Nwana, I never forgot that hug you gave me when I was in such a broken place. You have no idea how much it meant to me.
Guys, I cannot overemphasize this; PLEASE be kind to strangers. I understand that you cannot offer a hug to everyone in a crisis but please, try to be kind to people, especially when they need it.
Dean Bisrat Abebe. I simply cannot put into words how many times this man offered me support in crisis whether in person or remotely. I cannot count how many times I showed up to his office crying my eyes out on really bad days. He went above and beyond his call of duty every single time. Now you might think - it was his job so what is the big deal? Well one day I went to SCubed and Bisrat was not around so I was assigned to another dean temporarily. About 2 minutes into my conversation with this dean, they said “Well, I think you are overreacting here. You should be able to handle this by….” After 5 minutes I felt I was in the wrong place and politely excused myself.
Bisrat understood that different students had different needs and experienced the MIT firehose at different points in their career. For some, it was freshman year when they were immersed in a whirlwind of MIT rigor and extracurriculars. For others, it was when sophomore year dealt them a heavy blow for a variety of reasons. Yet still for others, it was junior/senior year when they questioned their decision of major or life plans. The thing I loved most about Bisrat was how he didn’t use the stereotypical “one-size-fits-all” approach to support students. He was careful not to extrapolate one student’s experiences unto another ; he had the understanding that every person is unique and should be treated as such.
Bisrat was flexible. Sometimes he would just listen and I honestly wouldn’t realize that that was what I needed until our session was over. Other times, he would ask “what can I do to help?” One day I remember that I asked him if I really did belong at MIT and if ever things would get better. He never stopped drumming it into my head that I belonged here. That there was a way out of my situation and he was willing to work with me to find it. That bad times didn’t last forever. That I would one day be in a better place.
Last semester when Bisrat left MIT, I CRIED. Oh God. He had seen me through the darkest of days and just when things had gotten better he was leaving. I cried not just out of gratitude but also out of pain for the future MIT students who would not get to experience the blessing of Bisrat. Bisrat, saying that you changed my life is an understatement. You served as a lifeline and a father to me - someone with whom I could share many struggles as well as many celebrations and I thank God so much that I had the opportunity to meet you while you were at MIT.
MIT is an amazing place but once in a while we get overwhelmed with everything happening at the same time. I would absolutely not have gotten through MIT without the help of Student Support Services and I am so grateful that the Institute invests in providing support resources like SCubed, Mental Health and Counseling, etc.
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Celebrating a Godsend, Dean LaTarri Canty
#YouCanDoItOnlyYouCanDoItYouCantDoItAlone
Summary: Society puts a lot of pressure on us, especially when you are at a top school like MIT, but remember that God’s word should always be the light unto your path. Having a Christian mentor can make a world of difference in your life. When they give you counsel, they don’t just counsel you based on what looks best on social media and on your resume; they give Godly counsel that will guide you to follow God’s will for your life even if it does not appear glamorous from the onset. But be rest assured that God will make all things beautiful in His own time.
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In the spirit of Mothers’ Day, I want to celebrate a woman at MIT that reminds me of my mother. Dean La-Tarri Canty! The queen of all nuggets 😂
God works in mysterious ways. While exploring Course 16 as a freshman, I became friends with Tiera Guinn who was a mentor and sister to me in so many ways. Before Tiera graduated, she highly encouraged me to find and connect with La-Tarri, one of her mentors and trusted friends at MIT.
Two years later, I reached out to La-Tarri to schedule a chat. I did not have any agenda in mind beyond just learning about her life and her background. Tell me how halfway through our conversation we were discussing some things I had been praying about. It’s really amazing how God works. Till date, I don’t even remember how exactly the tables turned to talking about me.
I was at a point where I was deliberating between 2 options - one looked glamorous and prestigious but I felt like it would slowly kill me inside, while the other may not have looked so great but brought me inner peace and joy. God had directed me on what to do but hmmmm you know the human flesh. It will push you until you are literally about to jump off a cliff. La-Tarri laughed. She said to me : “Children of God are really amusing. Are you waiting to hear a deep voice in the middle of the night while you are asleep saying ‘This is the way’ before you know where God is directing you? Society puts a lot of pressure on us, especially when you are at a top school like MIT, but remember that God’s word should always be the light unto your path”
I laughed as she imitated the “this is the way” 😂😂 but I took everything that she said extremely seriously. Wow. Did I already say that I went to this woman’s office to learn about HER story and HER background? But we ended up discussing how God has a plan for everyone and specifically my situation? As soon as I walked out of her office that day, I made the calls that I needed to make and committed before I could be convinced otherwise.
La-Tarri had this very perceptive demeanor that really fascinated me. As you spoke, she would listen quietly and carefully, before she said a word. You know how there is the reason why you don’t want to do something and then there’s the REASON why? As you spoke, she would be quiet. Just let the quietness sit. And more often than not, as you spoke, you would end up discovering what was TRULY the source of your discomfort.
One day, I was really struggling to understand why I had been asked to perform a specific task. Due to several traumatizing experiences in the past, I had resolved to steer clear of such a thing by all means. Brothers and sisters, I don’t even know how I ended up in SPXCE and in La-Tarri’s office that day. When she asked me “What is the source of this feeling? Is it because you genuinely can’t do this or it’s because of the pain that other people....” I had never really thought about it. God used La-Tarri to identify when exactly those seeds of doubt and hurt had been planted in my life. She made me realize that God was doing a new thing in my life with this task and that forgiveness isn’t just about the words we say; it also has to reflect in our heart’s posture towards new assignments.
When La-Tarri spoke, she spoke wisdom. She would share stories that would make you realize that “mmmmm. If God is in the boat, it may rock from side to side. It may even be shaken by the waters. But it will remain steadfast and sure while the billows roll”
Having a Christian mentor can make a world of difference in your life. When they give you counsel, they don’t just counsel you based on what looks best on social media and on your resume; they give Godly counsel that will guide you to follow God’s will for your life even if it does not appear glamorous from the onset. But be rest assured that God will make all things beautiful in His own time.
La-Tarri, the queen of all nuggets 😂 your baby nugget is soooooo grateful for all the times that you tossed her around as she cooked in the oil to ensure that she attained a crisp taste and golden brown color. I pray God will reward you for your seen and unseen works 🙏🏾
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