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crispy-chan · 3 years

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Maze of Memories ch.1 | bang chan x reader (hunger games au)

➳ pairing: bang chan x f.reader (ft. felix)

➳ genre: hunger games au, action, fluff if you squint, angst

➳ warnings: infatuation, major and minor character death (in future chapters), angst, cursing

➳ summary: you're the unlucky reaped female tribute from district 9 with no fighting skills whatsoever. all you want is to enjoy your last few days of life before perishing in the arena, but you somehow manage to catch the eye of the volunteer from district 2…

➳ word count: 5.5k

➳ a/n: hello, welcome to my new series. I've been brainstorming for this during the weekend and finally managed to start writing the chapter today after online class. Please excuse any mistakes since I wrote and edited this all today. Constructive criticism is highly appreciated. Feel free to hmu about any questions or comments. Hope you enjoy <3

ps: listen to maze of memories (I got the inspo from this song)

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***

"District 9 is Panem's bread bowl, giving us the fertile harvest we need to keep rising as a nation. Its amber waves of grain are an inspiration to us all."

***

You sighed groggily as you threw your feet over your bed. It was past eight o'clock, way too early to be awake in your opinion. But it seems like the opinion of some peasant from a poorer district was never exactly important to the Capitol. Why else would they continue holding such a dreadful event like the Hunger Games. You could hear your parents prepping in the kitchen, your mom had definitely managed to pick a dress for you to wear today…

And you were right. It was a beautiful red sundress with a gold accent at the hem. It was actually too beautiful, in your opinion, for this horrid event you had to take part in. You carefully slipped it on and twirled in front of the mirror. Oh, how you wish you could wear it on a different occasion. You seriously doubted you could ever look at it again, let alone voluntarily put it on after the reaping.

You didn't however expect it to be the last time you'd be even stepping in your house.

You ate the soft steaming bun with butter for breakfast and bid your parents goodbye since they weren't even permitted in the same area during the reaping. Stepping out of the house, you joined the crowd of kids agonizingly walking to what could eventually become their death sentence.

Although you had already done this five times, it still didn't manage to ease your nerves. The only thing keeping you afloat every year was the prospect of getting closer to adulthood and thus escaping this terrifying period of life.

You begrudgingly quickened your pace, hoping to catch up with the mob of equally frightened teenagers but failed to notice the boy turning from around the corner without an apparent care in the world.

“Shit, sorry,” you rubbed your head as you slowly gazed up and met his eyes. “No worries,” he muttered, more so to himself, “I wasn't exactly looking where I was going.” His voice held a velvety deep quality, making you shudder in your spot. You would have never expected it from a boy with such a youthful face. He flashed you a soft smile, which made you notice the beautiful freckles littered across his face. He was truly breathtaking.

“Ehm, we should probably go, don't want to be late…”

You were broken from your trance and immediately nodded, hoping not to further embarrass yourself. You could feel your face heating up as the boy merely chuckled.

“Let's go,” you stammered, hoping to preserve at least a bit of your dignity.

The both of you briskly walked to the main square, where the event took place every year. You reached the spot from where only the same gender could continue so you bid each other goodbye.

“Good luck,” he murmured, holding your hand in his. You couldn't manage anything else than a simple “you too,” before you guys were forcefully separated by the peacekeepers. You stole a last glance at him, as he disappeared in the sea of other teenage boys.

You let them push you into the hoard of girls, blending in with the rest of them. In retrospect, you were nothing to them - they didn't care about the hardworking people of this district. They only cared about the fat paycheck they would receive at the end of every month for cooperating with the Capitol and blatantly ignoring human rights. You were absolutely disgusted by these people but knew better than to disobey them. You really didn't want to get publicly whipped by some lame-ass cowards who hid behind white suits that resembled plastic armor.

Just as the town clock struck twelve, the mayor of the district stepped up onto the podium and began his speech. He went through the history of Panem, the country that rose up from the ashes, and reminded everybody (not that anyone has forgotten) the reason why the games are held every year.

If it wasn't for lives being at stake, you would be bored out of your mind. You've already heard this speech multiple times and could probably say it in your sleep if required.

You snorted at the apparent giddiness of the mayor. It's not like he had to worry about his child. The boy turned eighteen last year and was free from this godforsaken curse. The chances of anyone wealthy being chosen were very slim too. The poorer families had their kids’ names in the big glass ball as many as thirty times, the tesserae consisting of a small supply of grain and oil being enough to tempt them and make their kids risk their necks.

After the lengthy speech, the Capitol provided escort (you recalled her name to be something along the lines of Flaverie, or was it Flamiere?) hopped up on stage and excitedly shouted: “Happy Hunger Games.”

As if this was some sort of holiday. Although you wouldn't put it past her to think like that - these Capitol airheads seemed to think the Hunger Games were a reason to celebrate. If only they lived in someone else's shoes for the reaping. Then they would understand the terror of this whole ordeal and maybe at least sympathize with the families affected instead of telling them that it's an honor to compete and they should be proud to watch their children being slaughtered for the entertainment of the rich.

She slowly dipped her hand inside the bowl, loving the attention she received, and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper.

“For the female tribute...” she unfolded the slip of paper at an agonizingly slow pace and read the name, almost enjoying the way everybody hung on her lips, “we have the lovely Y/n L/n, can we get an applause please.”

Your blood ran cold the moment you heard your name roll off her tongue. It felt like you were under hypnosis - you didn't even realize it but you were wordlessly walking up to the podium as everybody cleared the way for you, most likely relieved that they were spared this ticket to hell.

She gave you an awkward hug as she lifted your hand like you were some sort of hero and exclaimed loudly, “Y/n L/n, what a beautiful girl. Now I'm sure you're all excited for the male tribute accompanying her!”

You zoned out at her babbling as you roamed the square, trying to catch sight of your poor parents having to watch their only child being sentenced to death. Sure enough, you could see your mother weeping into the chest of your father, whose eyes were steadily watering.

You refocused your attention on the escort pulling out yet another slip of paper that would possibly fuck up another family.

“As for the male tribute,” she gushed as if this were a simple lottery, “we have Lee Felix.”

The name seemed somewhat familiar but you couldn't exactly pin it to a face. Your eyes flashed in recognition as the boy you ran into earlier today quietly walked up the steps.

The odds were definitely not in your favor today.

“Oh my, what a handsome young man,” she embraced him. “How old are you?”

“I'm turning eighteen in a few months,” he said gravely in that deep voice of his. Flaverie looked shocked for a moment before she quickly composed herself and smiled at the both of you.

“May the odds ever be in your favor,” she recited the infamous line and motioned at the peacekeepers to come and collect you.

You took the time to try and recompose yourself. It was a lot to take in obviously - the threat always loomed over your head but you never actually thought you'd be reaped. The possibility of having to kill was absolutely disgusting and you hoped you wouldn't have to resort to ending someone else’s life.

They shoved you and Felix each into a separate room where you waited for the couple minutes they would give you to bid your family farewell as the probability of one of you surviving was almost nonexistent. The careers almost always won, easily overpowering the malnourished children of the poorer districts. They also usually had the whole Capitol including the sponsors on their side.

You whipped your head up at the stomping you heard. Your mother and father ran into the room and practically tackled you as they pulled you into the possibly last hug you were gonna receive. You couldn't help but start weeping too, snuggling your face into the chest of your mother.

“I'm so sorry my baby,” she sobbed as she patted your head. Your father rubbing comforting circles on your back as tears rolled down his face.

“You have to promise us you will try your best to survive, ok?” she muttered.

“Forget about us and just focus on making it out,” your father declared but his voice horribly cracked at the end resulting in him bursting out in tears and joining the group hug.

After a few seconds of incoherent sobbing, the peacekeepers ripped you away from the comforting hold of your parents. You managed to whimper a goodbye before the doors slammed shut.

The last thing you were ever gonna tell them, you realized later.

As they say - no use crying over spilled milk. You weren't crying. You were practically wailing as you wiped your snotty nose into your sleeve.

I'm too young to die, you thought.

***

On the train, you met your mentor. He was a handsome man in his late twenties having won the games over a decade ago.

“I'm Min Yoongi,” he swiftly introduced himself. “I'll be your mentor for the games and I will walk you through the steps and try to ensure the victory of one of you.”

He had a lean build, maybe an inch taller than Felix, pale glowing skin, and a mop of silver unruly hair, probably dyed you noted. His nose was sharp and pointed, just like his jawline, and his catlike eyes contrasted with his ghostly skin. Overall he was quite good looking but you noticed how his eyes seemed lifeless. You almost snorted, of course they were lifeless. How could anybody in their right mind be all happy after going through the Hunger Games? He probably saw his district partner die, possibly even had to kill a few people himself to be standing here today.

***

“So tell me now, what are you guys capable of? Anything that could be useful in the arena?” Yoongi leaned further into the plush couch opposite to the one you and Felix were occupying.

He stared at the both of you, waiting to hear something he could work with and build a strategy.

“I'm a black belt in taekwondo and can use a knife,” Felix declared in that bottomless voice of his, “but I'm not that great with it, just some beginner stuff.”

Yoongi nodded in understanding before redirecting his intense gaze onto you.

“What about you Y/n?” he inquired.

“About that…” you muttered with a dejected sigh, “I'm not partially skilled in any fighting technique. I can probably recognize more plants than others and move quite fast since I don't exactly have much muscle mass,” you pointed to yourself, “but that's about it.”

“Not bad, not bad,” Yoongi said more so to himself and gave you something akin to a smile.

“I'd love to give you guys some time to get to know each other and relax but we're running out of it and every moment discussing and strategizing is crucial and could potentially save your ass in the arena.”

The both of you hummed in agreement and perked your ears, wanting to soak up anything your mentor could tell you. Unlike all the other people from your district, he had actually been through the Games and survived so if you were gonna listen to anyone, it would be him.

***

It was past dinner. The three of you had gone through many conversations from how to avoid the bloodbath to the importance of sponsorships. Yoongi couldn't stress enough, how the two of you should avoid the cornucopia.

“If you're swift enough, you can grab a small pack near you but don't you dare try to fight with the careers over the stuff. It's seriously not worth it.”

You could swear you saw pain flash in his eyes but it was gone before you could even think about it any further.

“After that, whether you managed to secure something or not...scram!”

You gulped and nodded along with Felix. You could tell Yoongi was really serious about this, maybe his district mate died during the initial bloodbath and he just wanted you guys to avoid that fate and not perish during the first minutes.

“Now, this will be completely up to you guys, but I’d definitely recommend you guys team up...at least for the first few days in the arena. You are obviously at a disadvantage here so teaming up could lower your chances of dying right away.”

He looked at the both of you, expecting some comments.

You nervously looked up from your spot in the armchair and stammered, “I would definitely not mind teaming up… but I'd understand if Felix wouldn't want to.”

Both you and Yoongi stared at the freckled boy, waiting for him to state his opinion on the matter. Hopefully, he wouldn't oppose it. The thought of teaming up with someone from your district would definitely provide some comfort to your already weak and deprived mind.

“I'd also be in favor of forming an alliance,” his deep voice rang through the compartment and you almost jumped with joy. You at least wouldn't be completely alone.

Yoongi smiled softly at the display. Although it pained him to know that one of you is most likely going to have to kill or watch someone else kill the other, these short-term alliances were a little confidence boost needed for the lonely kids who were here against their own will. It was nice to have someone watch their back during training and exchange skills and knowledge with. He hoped the enthusiasm would last you guys into the arena.

***

You knew you should be sleeping. You will need all the rest you can get for the upcoming days, but you just couldn't fall asleep. Many thoughts ran through your mind. Like how the hell were you even going to train with the other tributes? You were aware there were many younger ones, probably at a bigger disadvantage than you, but you couldn't help but worry.

Your biggest fear was definitely the careers. They were practically serial killers in-training trapped in teenager's bodies. You saw enough games to know that they mercilessly killed anyone who got in their way. Slaughtering children was definitely not a problem for them. You heard Flaverie chat with some staff about the volunteers of this year. A boy named Chris has definitely caught their attention as they gushed about him for twenty minutes straight.

“I heard everyone started screaming when he volunteered,” she screeched. “He is apparently the best fighter back in two. People are already betting on him to be the winner.”

The realization made you sick. Even your own escort was gushing about some career and she apparently thought he would emerge as the victor too. It's not like you expected to win the Games but it still felt like a stab in the heart. You quickly rushed to some unoccupied room where you could finally let go. You started sobbing, how was this fair? You never chose to be here. What did you do to deserve to be here? As far as you were concerned, you haven't done anything to warrant being slaughtered on live television.

Your crying was apparently not quiet enough as the door slowly creaked open. In the doorway stood a pajama-clad Felix. He looked over you curiously before taking brisk steps in your direction. Your eyes widened like diner plates and before you could say anything, he engulfed you in a warm hug. You were so shocked it momentarily stopped the waterfall of tears but after fully comprehending what he had done, a fresh wave of them rolled down your face.

“Shh, it's ok,” he murmured while rubbing soothing circles on the small of your back. It worked like a charm because after a few moments, your sobbing slowly subsided until you were only occasionally hiccuping.

When you finally stopped, you croaked out a weak ‘thank you’. Felix just smiled and sat down on the floor next to you. You sat for a while in the comforting silence before you managed to speak properly.

“I'm so sorry for that. This is so embarrassing - I completely understand if you don't want to be part-”

“Shhh. Who said that I don't want to be partners anymore? Don't worry, this is a completely normal reaction,” he comforted you.

“I think it would be best if we could support one another while we still can.”

You smiled at him softly. Being teammates with Felix was definitely one of the best things that could happen to you.

“I just heard that the district two volunteer already managed to knock off everyone's socks. They're already betting on him to be the winner.”

Felix nodded in understanding. “But that means he will definitely be a cocky bastard and will underestimate the rest of us,” he chuckled, pinching your still damp cheek.

“Ouch,” you laughed and swatted his hand away, finally feeling at ease. “I guess…”

You guys sat in a comfortable silence yet again, before you decided to confide in him, “you know what's the worst? The fact that I basically pity myself. I feel like we did nothing to deserve this. I haven't lived a full enough life… there are so many things I didn't get the chance to do,” you sighed angrily.

“What did you not get the chance to do?” Felix asked curiously with a raised brow.

“I really wanted to bake my parents a cake for their anniversary. And I've never been on a date,” you lamented, blushing at the last part.

“Seriously Y/n? We're possibly gonna die in a week and you are talking about never being on a date?” he chuckled, amused at your antics.

“Oh come on, I've never even been properly in love which is quite sad…I'm a romantic at heart, ok?”

Felix just burst out laughing and you managed to crack a small smile. This wasn't so bad after all. It was really nice to just let it all out and have someone comfort you. Felix was a really good person, you have deduced that much even after knowing him for barely twelve hours. If it counted for anything, you hoped he would end up winning - you knew he would help your family if they were in need.

***

The next morning, the both of you had woken up to the sun shining through the now drawn curtains. You yawned and looked around before you noticed what happened. You were laying on the carpeted floor next to Felix who was still asleep, softly snoring and a slightly amused Yoongi stood by the window. You blushed immediately at the compromising position you were in and were about to shake Felix and wake him but you didn't have to. A loud and cheery Flaverie burst through the door.

“Rise and shine my lovely tributes. Don't wanna be la-” she halted as she took in the scene in front of her. “Aaaah, how cute,” she beamed at you guys.

Felix was slowly coming to his senses, the drowsiness escaping him as soon as he realized what happened. Red stained his cheeks as the escort continued her rant about how adorable the two of you were.

“Right, get up you lovebugs,” Yoongi groaned, pulling the protesting woman out of the room and slamming the door shut.

You immediately looked away, utterly embarrassed at the whole situation.

“So, how did you sleep?” Felix teased except it came out as more of a rasp since his morning voice was even deeper than normal (imagine: wakey wakey). “Oh shut up,” you grumbled, still not looking at him.

“Turn around,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“Nope,” you argued but were cut short as Felix scooped you up bridal style and headed to the door with a smirk.

“What the fu-” you spluttered but couldn't even finish your sentence as you took in his appearance. His bedhead looked absolutely adorable and made you momentarily forget he was carrying you to the breakfast carriage where all the people were gathered.

After overcoming that little brainfart you had, you quickly jumped out of his arms. He pouted at that but didn't make an effort to grab you again. You got to the table and sat down, purposely avoiding the eyes of two certain people.

***

After breakfast, the three of you continued from where you left off the day before.

“Sponsorships,” Yoongi repeated for the n-th time. “It sounds stupid but it's basically your best chance at survival. If you want to be sent the stuff you need in dire times, you're going to have to work for it.”

You and Felix both nodded, recognizing the importance of getting the people on your side.

“You have to suck up to them, please them, and make yourself memorable. If the people will root for you, you will have done about half the work.”

During the session, Flaverie popped in every once in a while to order some poor Avox to refill your drinks and make sure you had everything needed. Thank god nobody mentioned the incident from the morning.

“During training, focus also on some survival skills. Go over the plants, how to make shelters and fires etc. And when it comes to battle, try out some hand-to-hand combat, that shouldn't be a problem for you Felix, and some basic knife skills. Don't bother with any other weapons - you are more likely to come across some sort of knife or blade than a sword or ax.”

You leaned further into the fluffy couch, hoping to hide in the overly cozy blanket and never come out. You were too busy pitying yourself and Felix, you almost forgot that you had to train amongst all those kids tomorrow, some of them being literal killing machines.

“I would also suggest not to reveal all your skills. Show them that you aren't completely worthless but don't try to draw attention to yourself.”

You had to stop the groan that almost came out of your mouth. What Yoongi said could apply to Felix but you on the other hand had nothing to offer. You bleakly pursed your lips into a thin line and tried to not think about the assessment. This was going to be a ride.

***

It was around noon that you guys arrived at the Capitol. The both of you gawked at the grandness (if that's even a proper word) of the city. You hated to admit it but the scenery was truly breathtaking. The beautiful mountains peaked from behind the skyscrapers and ran around the city, almost as if shielding it from the districts. You scoffed at that, the Capitol people being so prissy they had to have a barrier around them, likely not wanting to have anything to do with the poorer parts of the nation.

You could see people on the platform fighting to get in front to catch a glimpse of some of the tributes. You snorted, what a bunch of cunts. To your right, Felix waved to the frenzied crowd and flashed a smile.

“What the hell are you doing?” you poked him in the ribs. You would never take him to be the one sucking up to them.

“Who knows?” he shrugged. “One of them may be rich.”

You let out a boisterous laugh, mentally agreeing with him. If you wanted to make it, you would have to swallow your pride and humor them.

You departed the train to a loud cheer from the Capitol citizens and were ushered to a sleek black van. It was going to take you to the quarters. There you were gonna be prepped for the chariot ride which you ultimately dreaded.

***

“Come on Y/n, let me finish this,” one of your stylists, Hortencia or something, ripped off yet another wax strip on your calf. You let out a loud scream - it hurt like a bitch. You would have thought that they would have some fancy laser technology or something to remove the hair but that wasn't the case. They used many more of the strips until they managed to remove all the hair on your body other than your hair and eyebrows of course. After that, they hushed your still naked form into the bathtub full of bubbles and proceed to wash the entirety of your body (hair too) before drying you off and smearing you in some body lotion. By the end of it, you smelled like you were marinated in some flower-scented perfume. (botanical garden™)

They put you into a silk bathrobe and sat you down in front of a vanity with a monstrous mirror lined with small lights. Hortencia worked on your face, applying various creams and serums while Lavender tried to presentably manicure your hands.

“I swear to god, teenagers these days,” she complained, “you've basically got no nails.”

You were really pissed off but were too tired to argue with her. It wasn't your fault you feared for your life and bit off your nails on the train because of the stress.

After she managed to do your poor excuse of nails into a somewhat acceptable manicure, she got up to consult your outfit with the third stylist, Alphonse.

“Look, I talked to the stylists of the boy and we agreed to do a more land-inspired natural look. It will go well with the theme of the district,” he added, pointing to one of the dresses. After what seemed like ages, she finally agreed under the circumstance that she would get to do your hair.

They shimmied you into your simple, yet beautiful dress, arranged all the necessary accessories and put you in front of the full-body mirror.

You gasped at your own reflection, barely recognizing yourself. You were dressed in a beautiful lengthy dress with a loose beige bodice and an emerald green skirt. They had applied lightly accented makeup that made your eyes pop and curled your hair into supple waves that sat under an emerald green beret. At first, you weren't sure how this exactly represented your district but didn't find yourself minding. You slipped on the laced sandals that Alphonso handed you, feeling grateful you didn't have to wear heels.

This was definitely an upgrade you thought. You remembered how the previous tributes from your district were dressed. It was always something covered with grains or wheat stems as the stylists didn't exactly understand that the costumes didn't have to be literally the product of your districts. The whole outfit was pleasing to the eye, and you deduced that it still managed to hint at the production of grain which was the main source district nine offered to the Capitol.

After a few minutes, they pushed you out of the dressing room where a stoic Yoongi awaited. He looked at you from head to toe before nodding, a slight smile appearing on his face.

“You look good,” he nodded and you thanked him gratefully. It took a while but soon after, Felix appeared from the dressing room neighboring yours. You had to control yourself so you wouldn't stare, he looked ethereal.

They dyed his hair a shimmering silver and trimmed it into a minimalist mullet. His eyes shined, with deep green eyeshadow giving them more depth. He wore a pair of beige woolen flowy pants that resembled slacks (but had a more chill vibe to them) and had an oversized green silk button-down that was partially tucked inside his pants at the front. The top few buttons were left undone revealing some of his smooth creamy chest. He had a single hoop earring in one of his ears and wore a thin chain around his neck.

But it looked like you weren't the only one trying not to stare. Felix looked just as shocked as you, as he took your whole appearance in.

“Wow…you look really pretty,” he commented, looking away slightly embarrassed. “You don't look that bad yourself,” you teased.

That made you look at the brighter side of things. Practically speaking, there weren't many things to be excited about so you had to cherish every moment. It was nice to feel beautiful for once so you just tried to think about that.

Yoongi ushered the both of you towards your awaiting chariot. Felix extended his arm and you gladly entwined it with yours. “Let's go,” he motioned to the carriage. You silently followed him, the nerves already getting to you.

He hopped on first, grabbing you by your waist, and literally threw you onboard the chariot.

“Felix!” you whisper-shouted at him, “I can walk up some steps on my own, thank you very much.”

He just laughed in reply at your cute wannabe-angry stunt and linked your hands yet again.

When the chariot finally emerged, the both of you plastered your best smiles and waved at all the people cheering you on. Your mouth started to ache by the time you finally arrived at the podium where the president would have his speech.

Finally, you thought. Your eyes honestly ached from all those people with overly colorful hairstyles and eccentric mismatched clothing. The citizens of the Capitol were filthy rich, couldn't they afford some actually nice clothes? They just looked like a bunch of clowns to you.

You could hear the anthem roaring through the speakers, and battled plugging your ears. You were surprised you could still hear anything when the anthem subsided and president Snow took his place behind the stand.

“Welcome to the Capitol! In a mere four days, you will be in the arena, fulfilling the tradition that has been here for decades, and competing in the Hunger Games. Every year, a boy and girl from each district are chosen to represent their homeland in an honoring fight for victory. Let this be a reminder, that the Capitol rules over Panem with an iron fist and will not permit any rebellion. And as always, may the odds ever be in your favor!”

A cheerful applause could be heard as the people in the stands shouted in support. You felt your stomach clench. This was disgusting. How dare he say it was an honor to be here. How dare he say it was an honor for you children to kill or be killed by other children and broadcast it on national television.

During the speech, you felt eyes boring into you but you couldn't exactly pinpoint the owner of those eyes. You looked around frantically, the gaze making you uncomfortable when Felix nudged you slightly in the ribs.

“Look over there,” he discretely pointed in the direction of the other chariots, “see that one that looks like a warrior?”

You nodded intently, immediately spotting the handsome boy who looked like some sort of god of war. He wore cuffed pants with combat boots and a sleeveless top with a string detail at the front which was neatly tucked at his waist. Over that he had a simple black and silver harness that tightened around the material of his shirt and made the outline of his toned abdomen visible. His dark brown hair was messily styled into a parted updo, revealing his forehead and a fake scar down his eye. A furry coat was thrown over his shoulders, making you wonder how he wasn't sweating already, it was scorching hot. The holster around hi waist held a few sharp daggers.

“He has been staring at you for the last ten minutes,” he whispers. You cower in your spot behind your district mate, not liking that some career has already noticed you.

“I'm pretty sure he's from district two,” Felix mumbles in your ear, “the one voted most likely to win this year.”

A shiver ran down your spine.

Chris.

The tribute your escort couldn't get enough of. The one everybody was betting on this year.

And for some reason he was staring right at you, appreciatively glancing at you from head to toe like you were a piece of meat. This was exactly what you were trying to avoid, a career somehow separating you from the rest of the nameless tributes. This was, well...bizarre to say the least.

He smirked at your clearly flustered state, sending you a wink before finally turning around and facing the podium.

From next to you, Felix visibly frowned, not happy that one of the careers has pinpointed you among all the others.

This was going to be hard…

read chapter 2 >>

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bitch-banshee · 4 years

Text

Goner

Prompt: Reader finds Derek on a hike while he's been wounded from hunters. She doesn't know about supernaturals so she thinks there's a serial killer. She takes him home and tends to his wounds.

This has been sitting for so long....sorry y’all.

Masterlist

Living in a town where the main attraction is the woods was a blessing and curse. Hiking was always fun, finding new places all the time by a simple veer of the beaten path.

Until today.

I had just passed a small creek when i heard a sharp shout and a thud. Against my better brain waves and ignoring every movie ever. I decided to venture even further to see what was going on.

"Uhh hello?" The gentle English tilt to my voice slipped out in my fear. "Is there someone there" i continued treading as lightly as i could. If it was an animal that was hurt the last thing you wanted to do was scare it. I came around a large tree slowly, it wasn't an animal.

"Oh my god!" I whispered and fell to my knees. It was a man, and he had 4 long slash marks on his bare back. "A-are you okay, oh my god, who did this to you, can you stand, oh my god" my hands trembled as they reached for him. Too many questions Olivia.

"Okay okay okay, i need you to stand, can you do that for me?" A grunt, we were getting somewhere. "Alright, wanna tell me your name?" He leaned heavily against me, and i was thankful for all the months I'd been hiking.

"Mm Derek" he slurred, his head lolling to one side. "Okay! Derek, I'm gonna bring you to my car okay? Is that alright?" Another grunt. Not a man of words i see.

"It's just over the hill, can you make that Derek, i need you to tell me, or else I'll call an ambulance to help" at this his eyes snapped open, "no hospital " it was clear, free of the slur from before. Okay, "cool, no hospital, i can work with that, you're lucky I'm a doctor, not for people but i don't think that matters" a dry laugh slipped from my lips.

I was rambling, and i knew it. More than once i was all to aware of his slipping consciousness, and the blood sliding over my fingers. But by some miracle we made it to my truck.

"Okay Derek, can you lean here for just a second, I've got a towel in the back" incoherent words slipped from his lips, an agreement i think. I'll never know.

Still with shaking hands, i draped the towel over his back. He hissed, I'd drenched it in water, because putting a dry towel on an open wound was stupid. "Sorry sorry" somehow i got him in my passenger seat. He didn't lean back.

Okay, so he's aware enough to not get blood on my seat. Great. With a shut of the door and a sprint to the other side. The car ride was filled with shuddering breaths and soft apologies. Someone had tried to hill him. With a knife it looked, I'd been paying attention to the news.

Animal attacks, and half found bodies, someone was slaughtering people so bad the only explanation was an animal. My mind churned, i wouldn't be going back into the woods until they caught that lunatic. If i found Derek, that killer could find me. I looked over with frantic eyes "still with me Derek" a soft hum slid from his chest to my ears.

When we pulled up to my house, getting him out was way harder than getting him in. "Okay Derek just lean over like that, I've got you, Oh shit" he slipped and i caught him twisting before we both fell.

"We're not doing that again, agreed" i didn't expect him to answer. His face was ashen, it made me nervous. With fumbling fingers and hot breaths i busted through my front door. We didn't make it to the garage where i had a table for this sort of thing. The kitchen it was.

With quick hands i sent everything onto the floor.

"Sorry Ana" i whispered to my housemate that wasn't in. "Derek, you there, i need you to lay on your stomach,I'm gonna clean you up okay?" I whispered, he flinched anyways.

Once he was laid down i ran to the garage. Pulling antiseptic and hydrogen peroxide. I heard a deep groan and raced back. He was moving, pushing his arms from the counter. "No no no no no" i pushed him back down.

"This isn't gonna hurt, but it won't feel good either, you ready?" A nod, halfhearted and heartbreaking. I pursed my lips in concentration, trying to still my wiggling hands. "Cmon liv" i admonished myself and tending to his wounds.

The cuts were long, deliberate and they weren't the only ones. Through careful cleaning and inspection there were bruises under all the blood. "Jesus. You still with me" i ran my fingers over his head, like i could a dog before snapping it back.

This was a person, flesh blood bones and brains. A muffled "yeah I'm here" and i almost cried out of relief. "AH words! Yes okay" i pulled out a needle and thread and stared "I'm gonna gave to stitch these, okay" a deep sigh, "okay"

After several deep breaths and some winces and grunts I'd put in about 150 stitches. "Don't move, I'm gonna get bandaids" i placed my hands softly on his shoulders, a drowsy murrp came from his mouth. Minutes later he was bandaged and lying on my couch. "Are you allergic to any pain medication?" I squatted before him.

"Derek, i can't give you anything for the pain if you don't tell me." The assertion in my voice surprised even me. "No, no meds, m'ok" he groaned and went to stretch before his face screwed up and his eyes popped open. Wide and scared.

"Don't panic, you're fine, you're okay" i soothed slightly "are you allergic?" I asked again. He shook his head, probably annoyed with my pestering. I nodded and stuck him with some morphine.

Maybe 20 minutes later Derek was fast asleep. I was thankful for the open floor plan because i could see him from the kitchen.

"No Ana i didn't go out looking for an injured man" i hissed over the phone. "Why did you bring him back?" "You've seen the news, people are dying, i couldn't leave him here. He looks like escaped from someone. You know what whatever, are you staying with Brenton tonight?" She humphed "i could be" i rolled my eyes, hearing her smug smile. "Do" was all i said before i heard Derek groan. "I'm gonna check on him, i call you later" "okay liv, be careful" i sighed and hung up.

Rounding the couch i saw he was still asleep but sweating. I put my hand on his head and he was burning up. "Shit" he was going to sweat the pain meds right out. I went to the fridge and took out some frozen corn before placing it on the back of his neck. He blew out a long breath, before settling against the chocolate brown couch. At that moment my stomach grumbled. "Let's hope you're alright while i cook" i said to his sleeping form, pulling my hands through my hair.

30 minutes later I'd made tomato soup and a grilled cheese when Derek moved. It took me all of four seconds to be in front of him. "Derek, hey, take it slow you're gonna rip your stitches" his green eyes were frantic, swiping over the unfamiliar room before landing on me.

"Who are you" he mouth settled in a scowl, eyes blazing green fire. "I-I'm Olivia, i found you in the woods. Y-you were dying" my voice trembled out, words flying from my mouth. I recapped the whole story of finding him and bringing him here and stitching him up.

His face softened, but not enough to not look intimidating "thank you, but i should leave" he made moves to get up. My hands slapped down on his still bare shoulders.

"LEAVE? You can't leave, you shouldn't even be able to stand. Your pain tolerance must be though the roof. You shouldn't be moving around for a few days Derek. Then we should go to the police. I wanted to take you to the hospital but you said very seriously in your blood loss haze no to that. I'm sorry, I'm talking a lot, but you can't leave." I kept shaking my head, hands squeezing his shoulder involuntarily at my hasty speaking.

"Okay" was all he said. Gruff and annoyed.

"Okay" i responded "i made soup, do you want some" he nodded slowly, his gaze so alert and sliding over my face it made me shiver. I made him promise not to move while i got his food.

Derek needed to leave. He needed to get out of this house with this strangely nice and gorgeous woman. His eyes slid over her face and he'd wished he'd remained on her eyes. The baby blues were captivating enough. But when he let his gaze wander to the small nose and full pink lips being worried by her teeth. He felt his nostrils flare when she walked away from him.

She smelled like rain and honeysuckle. Not to mention the unintentional way of her hips made him weak and willing to do anything for her. When she set the steaming food in front of him with an easy smile and an earnest nod he knew he was a goner.

"What were you running from?" She inquired, smelling of anxiety atop her natural scent. He didn't answer, he couldn't, clearly she didn't know anything of his kind or the hunters hellbent on ending his life.

"Cmon Derek, it's okay, someone tried to hurt you, no doubt a serial killer that would've cut you up and scattered you around the woods" her voice lilted in a way that proved not only did she know nothing about supernaturals she also wasn't from here.

"How did you know what to do" he asked a question of his own. She faultered, caught off by such a question.

"I'm a vet, i moved here a few months ago, and I've been unable to catch up with the clinic owner here" she shrugged and nibbled at her sandwich. Derek caught a whiff of sadness and immediately felt bad.

"Sorry, thank you for not letting me die" his voice was stiff, he knew the slashes had already healed. Unless they hadn't, by the twist of his back and the ebbing pain that bloomed being any indication. She was immediately up, swathing him in her scent again "don't do that, God you're going to rip those open" she was behind him.

Soft fingers searing over his back, warmth flowing from her to him. He humphed "you're a good cook" he tried to appeal to her, to ease her strong feelings of anxiety and lingering sadness.

"Liar, I'm a horrid cook, you got lucky we had the only thing i can cook in the house" she laughed and it was like windchimes. Floating through the air, she was so soft spoken it didn't hurt his werewolf ears.

Like stiles did when he rambled, getting louder and louder. Her voice thinned and quieted as more words flew from her mouth. He realized he hadn't been listening to what she was saying. Her mumbles quiet as she continued to look over and slide her fingers over his back.

Yup he was a goner.

———————————

@dylinski @terminallygenius @parker-potter @just-jordie-things

#alpha derek #derek hale #hale #derek #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf #teen wolf au #derek x oc!#tyler heochlin #tyler hoechlin #derek is such a dumb soft boi #someone tried to kill him and liv is gonna figure out who.#i just need someone to care for derek #i deserve hale babies

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noctuascion · 4 years

Note

Don't think I've sent you a prompt yet. So here ya go. Possible fluff prompt: Crypto gets sick and Mirage has to look after him.

Ahh, the good ol' sick fic, my favorite. Ty for your ask!! I'll do my best!!! ✨

---

Mornings were always particularly hard for Park. The night prior was either spent restlessly looking through files on his computer, or he was struggling to remain asleep due to constant nightmares or insomnia. Sleeping was something that merely evaded him, and he was thankful the cameras never zoomed in too much, otherwise they'd see just how fatigued he usually was during games, even if he still managed to pull his weight, if not just by a sliver.

Mornings were spent sleeping in until he couldn't stay in bed any longer. Breakfast was either skipped entirely or the bare minimum—toast and coffee—and all of his other meals were relatively spotty as well. He sometimes forgot lunch entirely, and, if it wasn't for Makoa politely asking him to join them for dinner, he'd probably forget that, too.

He ate very little, unconsciously trying to conserve his food, a habit likely picked up from his days with Mystik at the orphanage. His preference for junk food and takeout didn't provide for a healthy diet either, hence why he could admit he was a bit on the skinny side.

Coupling that with his horrible sleep schedule could likely provide an explanation as to why he woke up one morning feeling uncomfortably warm, head aching something terrible, throat sore, congestion in his nostrils, and limbs weak, a feeling of fragility he despised. He hadn't been feeling the best these past few days, but he had just assumed it was just a lack in sleep.

The hacker groaned when he tried moving, the action upsetting the headache he was currently nursing, before looking to the clock beside his bed. It read six thirty-seven, which meant he was up way earlier than he normally was. The other Legends tended to tackle the day before the sun was at the zenith of its arch, but Park preferred sleeping in, especially on days off.

However, with how horrid he currently felt, like he was overheating in his blankets, he couldn't see himself doing much else besides laying in bed, more miserable than he usually was.

That is until he heard a knock on his door, a rhythmic seven taps that indicated only one person.

"Rise and shine, butterscotch!" came Elliott's voice, providing yet another ridiculous appellation assigned to his person. "You said we could go see that cool fireworks show later, and I thought: why not get there and enjoy the festival for a bit?"

Oh, he had completely forgotten about the supposed "festival" being hosted by Hammond Robotics, some ridiculous, over-the-top celebration about nothing Park could bring himself to care about. He had said he didn't want to go, but Elliott had nearly begged him to go—and he agreed, though he didn't want to be around people for too long. His boyfriend understood his introverted tendencies to a degree, but Park knew there were still aspects he was oblivious to—much like how Park was completely oblivious to any and all aspects of Elliott's extroverted personality.

When no answer was had, Elliott opened the door with the spare key provided, something Park entrusted him with for situations just like these. Sunshine incarnate stepped inaide the surveillance expert's gloomy abode, donning that fond smile and gentle eyes. If Park didn't feel like absolute garbage, he'd happily welcome the other into his room with a hug and a kiss—if he was feeling confident enough, that is.

"Hey, you wanna get up anytime soon?" he asked gently, nothing condescending or belittling in his tone. He sat down on Park's bed, the mattress dipping with the added weight, and cringed upon seeing his boyfriend. "Wow, you look like shit—worse than usual—n-not like you're ugly or bad looking—it's just that you don't sleep much and—"

"I'm sick…" Park managed, immediately regretting it when he heard just how congested he sounded, how his throat burned at uttering just two simple words.

"Y-Yeah, I can tell."

Elliott's too warm hand came to rest on Park's forehead, the back of his hand pressing delicately against heated skin. He already felt like he could snap in half—he didn't need Elliott treating him like he would.

However, Park couldn't find it in himself to be angry—not when Elliott was shining those puppy-like eyes at him, concern painting his handsome features. Frankly, he felt bad for making him worry, but it wasn't exactly something he could stop.

"My poor shortcake. You got hit hard, huh?" the trickster whispered, likely taking into account Park's possible headache, his hand sliding along heated skin to gently cup the other's cheek. "Lemme go to our lil' clinic and grab you some meds. I'll ask Makoa if he can get me some tea for your throat and sinuses, too, m'kay?"

"Unnecessary…" he mumbled, hoping the quieter volume wouldn't elicit any flaring pain; it did, but not as severe. "I'll wait it out… Don't worry…"

"… And you call me an idiot."

Park wasn't exactly the easiest person to get a request from. Elliott had asked him countless times what he wanted and needed, getting the same responses over and over again, like he was a broken record. He hated feeling like a burden, and hated feeling indebted to someone. Elliott had to learn from picking up on social cues just to figure out he wanted a hug. Getting him to voluntarily ask for help, especially since he's too sick to go to the festival, the one Elliott really wanted to take him too, would be potentially be near impossible.

Park was stubborn, but Elliott was, too.

"Sweet angel that fell from the heavens, my beautiful boy, the cutest shortcake to exist—just let me do this for you." Hopefully, the puppy eye look was enough to get his stubborn lover to finally give in and let him be taken care of. "I love the shit out of you, and I hate seeing you sick. Lemme help you feel better—or I'll just have to kiss you better."

"Then you would end up sick, moron." Park pulled up his blanket a bit to cover the cough suddenly shaking his frame, expression pinched and pained; it was probably murder on his already sore throat. "Fine… But I promise to make up for the festival…"

"You don't have to, hon. Just feel better soon."

Despite knowing Park would protest, Elliott leaned down to press a kiss to the other's skin, a hand leaving the comfort of his blanket to swat him away, eliciting a laugh from the trickster.

Quickly, he made his way out of the hacker's room, shutting the door quietly behind him, before hurrying off to fetch the promised items. He asked Makoa first if he'd be willing to make some tea, explaining that Park was feeling under the weather, and even offered to make soup for him. The man was a saint, laughing off Elliott's "would that be asking too much?" with that same boisterous laugh. Afterwards, Elliott made his way to the clinic, their resident medic checking over medications and organizing her supplies. After explaining his symptoms, Ajay provided some ibuprofen, asking if he'd tell Park to "get better soon so they can even the score."

Once the medicine was acquired, Elliott returned to the kitchen, where the scent of ginger and tomato seemed ever so prominent. Makoa waved him over, allowing him to see the progress. He wasn't finished just yet, but he would be soon.

And, once he was, Elliott placed everything on a tray and brought it back to Park's room, where the hacker had fallen asleep in, though his slumber looked anything but peaceful. Elliott set the tray at the end of Park's bed, making sure it wouldn't tip over, before gently placing a hand on the slumbering man's shoulder, gingerly shaking him awake. Glazed over hazel optics moved to blearily stare at Elliott; said man could only smile once seeing him awake.

"Makoa made you some tomato soup and ginger tea, and Ajay gave you some ibuprofen," he said, moving to grab the tray and bring it over. "You think you're strong enough to eat and drink?"

A tired nod was all he got in response, Park's arms moving to push him up into a sitting position. Elliott moved his pillows around a bit so they'd provide some support for him, setting the tray in his lap. The hacker attempted to take a whiff through his congested sinuses, humming when the ginger tea provided some semblance of assistance.

"Okay, you eat, take your meds, and I'll go run you a cold bath."

"Cold…?" the hacker suddenly asked pitifully; he wasn't particularly fond of lower temperatures…

"It's to help with your fever, baby. I doubt feeling like you're cooking alive under your blankets is a good feeling."

Park let out a huff, a hand reaching for his ginger tea and the other taking the recommended dosage of ibuprofen. "I guess you're right…"

"I'm always right. The rightest man on the Frontier. You won't find a righter man than me." Elliott leaned over to press another kiss to heated skin, receiving yet another swat for his efforts, which, in turn, elicited yet another chuckle from the taller. "Enjoy your soup and gross meds, angel cake."

With the wave Park sent his way, Elliott hurried off to do as promised. The bath wasn't frigid, but it was just a little below lukewarm. He didn't want the other actually freezing; his sensitivity to the cold was cute, sure, because it meant more snuggles and hugs when they were out in the cold, but he didn't want to actually bring his boyfriend any discomfort. He even put in that little Nessie rubber toy the other insisted he hated, even though Elliott's seen him admiring it or even having it in his tub when he's washing up.

When he finished, Elliott returned to see Park had finished up most of his soup and that his tea was nearly gone. He assumes he took the medicine; Park's never given him any reason to doubt in the first place.

"Finished?" he asked, receiving a nod. He lifted the tray off the other's lap, setting it on his desk, which had a few takeout containers and papers strewn about. They'd have to clean that later. "You okay enough to walk to the bathroom?"

"Yes."

"Cool, cool."

And, despite the answer that couldn't have been anymore straightforward, Elliott moved forward, pulled the blanket off, slipped his hands under the baffled hacker's legs and back, and lifted him up like he weighed almost nothing. Park's arms unconsciously wrapped around his neck in a panic, already red-hued features darkening at the sudden action.

"I said I can walk," he muttered angrily, glaring up at his uncaring boyfriend, who didn't seem bothered by the scowl adorning the hacker's visage. Frankly, it's lost any intimidation it used to have and just reminds Elliott of a feral but sweet cat.

"I know."

"Then put me down."

"Nah."

"Idiot."

"Shortcake."

And if bathing with Park, who had rested against Elliott's chest the entire time, pliant and quiet, nearly dozing off, wasn't worth missing out on the festival, then watching as the hacker drifted off to sleep later that night, content and comfortable in Elliott's arms, definitely made it worthwhile.

He couldn't help but press a kiss to the other's forehead again, knowing that, if the other was awake, he'd just swat him away like he normally does. Even though Park's fever worsened, fluctuating between stable and unstable, and eventually broke a few days later, Elliott didn't mind any of it, didn't mind the fact that they missed out on a few date opportunities, that they missed movie night and a few hours of sleep. Seeing his lover get better made any problem worth it, and the smile he got was all the reward he ever needed.

#apex legends #crypto #tae joon park #mirage #elliott witt #cryptage #eugh this was corny and GROSS #i hope you at least enjoyed some of it haha #ty so much for the ask!!! they're always immensely appreciated!!!#lenardo does a write

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indomitablemegnolia · 4 years

Text

"Hmmm, e.e. cummings, that speaks to my heart; my blood approves, and your kisses are a better fate, than wisdom. Though, going by the poem, it's you who focused on syntax." He kissed me deep and hungry, what could be a better fate.. than this, gripping his lapels I dipped deeper into his mouth, I slid tongue along the roof of his mouth, ending by pulling his top lip in for a small nibble.

"God is this undeniable connection between us, I am pulled to you; this strong pull, like a 400 ton electromagnets, that neither of us through this horrid day could avoid;" I sucked in a deep breath, "when first I looked into your eyes they spoke."

His deep chuckle rumbled, travelling the distance between us, "Now, what did they say to you?"

I raised my eyebrows looking up rather coyly, "Honestly?" He nodded emphatically, I tilted my head smiling with just one side of my lips, suddenly, stupidly, doubting my ability to read people; "they said 'it is you I want.' I know wishful..."

He cut me off with a kiss, pulling me as he laid back, I cuddled into his chest, it was a deep hungry kiss, I felt his wish filled hope; he broke away for air, "It's true," he spokedeliciously between caresses of his lips, "I did," he kissed me deeply, I took over the kiss, manipulating his lips, "mmm I do." He nuzzled my neck. "Back to your first point, that pull, the attraction, it was never one-sided, it was gravity." I giggled, he pulled me closer, looking directly into my eyes, "don't mock, it's as real as the gravity that pulls the tide." He slid those skillful delicious hands along my frame, "as real as the force that pushes your body in for a perfect fit along mine, so close right this moment; we were pulled and pushed together, I am sure if I hadn't trailed after you we would have possibly crashed into each other, hurled by the cosmos."

I was caught breathless by that truth, "I still wonder why... why me? How was I so blessed? I have trouble believing this is real."

"Sweetheart like we talked about, this is your world, you control all of this world;" He kissed me deeply, "let your pain go," he kissed me deeper, "let the hurt go," he kissed licking the edge of my soul, "let the guilt go." He kissed me pulling my body so that not an inch wasn't pressed to him. "What you are imagining right now, that world you control, in this place as real as any pain?"

I moaned my answer, "Hmmmm, possibility." I sat up looking down at him; "what are you imagining?"

He laughed and my toes curled, "I am not sure you want to know."

"Oh, but I do." I kissed him, "I want to know everything you want, everything you imagine; I want to know what you feel, what you want, what you imagine... I want to feel, I am like a robot just awakened, I want to know why me?"

He sighed, resigning himself, "I don't know why you, I have been obsessed since first I saw you; you were at a gate waiting at five a.m., writing in a red notebook like the green one that i have been reading from; your face a mix of both angry and sad; you struck a chord in my heart that I had not heard in a while. I saw you, I didn't just want to capture your attention; I wanted to rip it from you, leaving you breathless; god, I would love taking that beautifully faceted mind to new, unfathomable heights." He kissed me deeply wanting more I clung to him, "You are no robot, I have seen too many of those. You are simply a human who like the tinman forgot there was a heart beating in that breast." His eyes drifting appreciatively to my chest, his hands poised inreverencee; "My imagination is something of its own, but this is your world."

"I don't want to be in this world alone, we both need to be here, we both need to learn each other."

He growled, his eyes rolled, I had finally pushed him onto his uncomfortable place; "My imagination, my wants, my needs are simple; I just hunger to be near you. I would love to just sip coffee and kisses for days; make out like mad teenagers; I want nothing from you, nothing you wouldnt gladly give; all I require from you, all I ask of you, all I want is for this sliver of a moment, a simple time away from time."

He stopped, breathing in sharply, a look crossed his face as if something inside was daring him to tell the unvarnished truth; hallelujah, I have been waiting, angling, yearning, longing for this moment for a while; I simply waited for a few more breaths for that idea that struck so suddenly so deeply his jaw dropped, "Oh, shit." He ran his hand through his hair, dropping his hands, looking up, he sighed as if he'd just had a revelation; I gave him time to let it settle in; he looked away letting out half a chuckle, finally he came to a resolution; I watched the knowledge settle in, his shoulders relaxed, his breath slowed.

He sucked air through his teeth, he looked almost apprehensive, his eyes wary, maybe even a little scared; "I suddenly realize what I must say, what I gotta do; I know now that I need to rip your attention away;" he moved fast, flipping me to my back; "to capture your mind;" his hands framing my face, looking deep in my eyes, "I need to cast these doubts away; the only way to do that correctly is to lay my own soul all the way out, just as you have all this night, in reciprocation; I finally understand it's my turn to lay it all out bare;" he rolled, his knees between my ankles, "I have to be as unashamedly honest, as you have been; I have to let you know my hidden self, and trust that you will not run... I have to trust you with what my imagination screams: I hunger for you, even thoese kisses, these tiny tastes, only whet my appetite for you, I long to devour you, every inch;" his eyes raked suggestively to the flavours he craved, he eased up between so my knees met his knees, crawling along the inside of my legs, his hands slowly sliding up the outside over the robe to my hips, "I need to touch you; I am lost to it," he crawled slowly up my body, "God, I want you, all of you. I have this entire time. I. Want. You. And even more; I need you;" he locked me in place as his arms braced his frame planted on either side of my head; "your eyes, your lips, your mind," he sighed, kissing me softly, "your heart... Lord, your body," he nestled himself between my legs, "I want you;" he took a breath, his eyes sliding over me, "sensually," he kissed me harder doing things with his tongue that made my breath leave in a moan; "sexually," he ground his hips suggestively against me "I want to bury myself so deeply in you that I might drown;" he stopped looking a little ashamed, he kissed me, holding me close, "I want you, simply as a man wants a woman; simple, no rules, no expectations, no explanations; just simply; I know I can't always get what I want; so, basically, I am willing to take as much as you are willing to give." He kissed me softly, slowly, undressing my soul; "I ask you in return, why not you? Someone like you, so beautiful, so open, your ideas so delicious... why not you? Look at your sweet confused face, you have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" He kissed me soft, "God, so beautiful, but why me?" I must have given him that look again, he set his jaw, "Seriously darling, why me? How was it that you found me, of all beings available, acceptable?"

"Simple," I rolled to where he had left my journal, he tried to reclaim it from my fingers, I slapped lightly at his hands, pulling it farther away from him when he reached for it, I carded through until I found the dress piece; "Read, I knew you, I loved you well before we met." I pushed the book under his nose, he read, his eyes flaring; he looked up. I nodded, "Yup, I wrote of you long before the possibility of you seemed real; look at the date;" I curled my finger over the edge of the book to emphase my point, "ages ago, in a time when I had friends and they included me of their wedding plans; a friend was belabouring the cut of the dress, the flavour of the cake, how the bridesmaids would behave; but always ignoring the fact that her intended was a jerk, who ended up beating her; I wrote that to satisfy my soul; solidly believing that no such human existed; but then there was you." I leaned in close, whispering into his ear; "I want you, I have had to suppress it, clamping my thighs together so many times tonight." I licked the edge of his ear.

His breath hitched, "How, how, I doubt anyone knew me; I didn't even know me, then." I watched him read it again, "I gather you thought all of these were impossibilities to find all together;" he rolled to his side as close to me as possible, that long leg laying over mine like a downed tree; he began reading in that dramatic voice; "I was listening to a friends diatribe about trying to find the perfect wedding dress… It has to have a bit of this or an overlay of that. She was fussing and fawning over the bow details when the Person about to stand opposite of her was of the inadequate material. So I started mulling over who, if ever anyone, I would stand opposite. I thought I would fuss over the important things...

@pedeka who needs to get better...

@keeper0fthestars escape

@iamhisgloriouspurpose curiosity

@writernotwaiting ... if only...

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indomitablemegnolia · 5 years

Text

For @pedeka who always needs jewels..

I streaked my hand across the steam that fogged the mirror, looking at myself, honestly. Gods, I am; I am alive, bring my hand to my throat, my heartbeat was strong; alive, god yes, I am alive, for now.

Soul searching time, why am I being so very panicky? I am alive, heart beating proud. So, then what is the problem? Why can’t I just enjoy the moment; be alive? Why the cold sweats? He now knows I am dying, he knows that I am temperary at best. I never did want to be that Camus lover, dead in the salad days; haunting the other for eternity, but that shouldn't preclude me from the better aspects of life. Hope began taunting; you don't actually think someone like him, that beautiful god king, would lament losing someone like you for even a moment? I shot myself a dirty look in the mirror, shut up.

I have been very clear with my expectations, I have been honest and still this lilylivered reaction. What kind of major malfunction is this?

Why do I never get an answer, when I'm knocking at the door?

Maybe it is because the truth is too hard to swallow.

No I will the answer to never come?

Is this, in fact, what the war for love is for?

Jesus, is this a test?

No just another chance to fail.

Who really is counting? Who really cares?

Honey, as I said... this just is.

Yes, but is this romance? Is it love?

Jesus, why am I asking such stupid questions? Just stop it stupid, stop thinking, stop being rabbity; rhetoric is the downfall of the foolish; stop, just let it flow, let what will happen, happen; don't be a chicken-shit, stop running, let this experience live. Seriously, this couldnt have been laid out more perfect, remember what you wrote once upon a time; he is the walking talking archetype of what was written.

The man knows Oscar, he quotes things from the Wilde, and Oscar did say the very essence of romance is uncertainty.

The gods know that if this was anything, this is was vague, unfamiliar, and damn uncertain.

Yes, this is risky, but all the best things are.

I know the uncertainty in this case is not the usual who or how or how long; it is the simple question is just how much it will hurt… and if anything was certain, that answer is easy: A LOT!

But it has, it already did, as he walked away, lord just being this far from him, does... it does.

Really, dummy, you know that the never tried, the what if's, the unresolved coulda's, the shoulda's, the undone regrets they always hurt the very worst, those ambiguous ifs.

So what?

So, shut up, stop whining and let it flow, don't direct, don't chicken out, just let it flow. Be like water.

I ruffed my hair drying it, well a little bit; I examined my face in the mirror, not horrible, the dark body bags under my eyes from crying couldn't be helped, using my fingers to 'style' my hair, pinching health into my cheeks. I ran two fingers along my lightly kiss swollen lips, I giggled; boy, that was fun, confirming that yes, I loved kissing and damn he was good at it; so much better than even memory.

I had to admit I didn't look bad; now the time to hesitate is through, for the first time in my life I resolve to be Wilde, to be Wildely feminine; I tied the sash of the robe, flipped my hair and walked out.

There he was lounging in a matching robe, diagnally across the large bed; lush bare legs stretched out in front of him, the heavenly puff of the duvet made him look like an overgrown cherub on a fluffy cumulus cloud, still... reading my journal, caressing the pages.

"Oh me, oh my, but you strike a pretty picture, not my usual fare coming out of the shower, I'll take it; so, you're still not bored of reading my whimsy's?"

He laughed rolling to a sitting position, "Honey, to be grotesquely honest, I doubt that I could ever; I am in a way, addicted to your mind, how you think; it's alluring to me, like a sirens song." He chuckled, "now, I need to know, are you okay?" His earnest face so endearing.

I shrugged, trying to look uneffected, browsing the milquetoast art on the walls, horrid pottery barn fare, "yeah, fine," keeping my voice light, looking anywhere, but his face.

He sighed, "what a load of crap,"I heard him moving, I refused to look. "Come on," I jumped startled, his voice just behind my ear, "you can't give me that, honey, look at me," I complied with a roll of my eyes, "are you okay?" I nodded, "Honesty." I shrugged, so he doubled down, "I know you were crying, I heard your sighing sniffles, so, I ask, are you okay?"

I turned to stand in front of him, shoulders straight, arms crossed, plastic smile in place, "I am fine." He gave me that demanding galled look that screamed liar, "yes, okay, I cried, that's done, I am good now."

He slowly stood, pulling my hands into his, I hadn't realized before that he was so deliciously much taller than me. "I didn't mean to upset you, I did not lie, you were so delicious, and so alive." He put his arms around me in a loose hug. "kissing you, it had been so tempting for so long, you tantalize just by breathing, so after it felt so perfect, natural..." his hug tightened, "I need to ask, I have to know, why were you crying? Please trust me enough to tell me."

I sucked a breath in through my nose, slowly letting it out, burying my face in the pile of robe covering his chest. "Honestly, for very stupid reasons, mostly self doubt;" stupid don't chicken out now... just let it flow, "even as a kid, I had never really cared about impressing others, suddenly with you... I assessed myself as not good enough," I sucked in a quick breath, "if you spend long enough dying, enough people step away because it is too painful for them to watch, enough people caring at a distance, shaking hands with you using salad tongs," he laughed, that rumble against my cheek heavenly, "you begin believing that, they are right, that you are this depressing weight, that it is all you deserve." I held him tighter, hiding my face as he was trying to pull back and look at me. "Your kiss caused my heart to beat, your kind words, caused me to feel, and then I felt unworthy, I have been dying almost as long as I have been alive, it is hard for me to believe your sincerity." I tripped over myself to reassure him, "I believe, or at the very least I want to believe, with all that is holy, that you are." I gave a nervous titter.

He pulled away, not letting me hide away any longer, he looked so earnest. He pulled me to sit near him on the bed. He ran his hands through my lightly damp hair, pushing it away to reveal my face. He kissed my forehead, thrilling me to my core. "I am sincere, I had wanted that kiss since I sauntered up to you as you were settling in. I really want to do it again. Talking with you, laughing, I was not even exaggerating when I told Opie that it was magic."

I shivered, "There are no certainty in this world, no assurances, but to be horribly honest, I wanted your kiss, to be crass and open," I blushed, looking shy away, "I want more, I want you, and whatever this may be," I waved my hands between us, "I long for it to linger for days on end, like the ghost of the feel of your caress on my skin, right now. I am greedy for your attention. As I said before, there is no forever, no permanent, but I want, this... here... now, for as long as it is mine to have."

He breathed in slow, "oh, that beautiful honesty." He pulled up my hand kissing it, lingering, looking up with just his eyes, "To be honest in return... god, I want that too. Although, I have more faith in the possible. In the fact it may linger." He hesitsted.

The trail off hit me like Mohammed Ali taking that last swing at Sonny Listin, fear clenched my stomach, that horrible hesitation, but I stared it down, "but what?" He didn't rush to answer, "but what?" I said it louder, more stern.

His laugh was slow, "shhh, don't worry, it's just this game, the no names, I am feeling like that is being dishonest with you."

It was my turn to laugh, "Dishonest? how? why? Have you lied in any of your answers?" He shook his head, "have you been as honest as possible at all times?" He nodded, "Do you think I have been, even the tiniest bit dishonest with you?" He shook his head emphatically, "Have you been dishonest with all of these touches, kisses?" He shook his head harder, "Good answers, I know by the way you keep eye contact, the way you lean in, the way you touch while you talk that you are used to having most of the control, your charm says that you are used to being boss; then you seem to think name, job or whatever else you think would make me think of you differently. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet."

His face was beautifully placid as I talked, as if he were only half convinced, I turned up the heat. "If you need to call me a name, give me one, if you think I need yours tell me what to call you, but I am being the most honest with you now than I have ever been in my life, with anyone. Right now, we are free of expectations; I am so much more free to touch, to kiss, to tell you even the darkest secrets in my soul; magically without entailments; this is that once in a lifetime moment of freedom; this is a slice of heaven. I keep thinking perhaps I had died and this is the after life. I have been horribly honest laying the truth of my life at your feet, my dreams, my ideas, what I haven't actually spoke, you have read." I slowed finally, making my point. "I believe you are being just as painfully honest with me as I you, names be damned." I sighed, "You must understand the feeling of freedom from all that baggage I drag around, the demons usually nipping at my heels, suddenly, quiet." I cuddle into his chest closely, "as this rapture speaks of you, it says only this to my demons, 'Sleep now. Your day is done.' And for now they cannot find me. If I were the other me, that one with a name, I would like to talk to you, but feel myself shut closed down, quiet and I can’t become shut just now."

Using two gentle fingers tucked under my chin, he pulled my face up to look at him; he looked into my eyes, I saw understanding; he nodded, then he rushed in like a wave, his lips were soft, his kiss, honestly pleading; I opened my self to his possibility, surrendering, accepting, wanting; kissing him back. Suckling his tongue, nibbling his lips, deepening the kiss, tasting his soul.

Pulling back holding my will in check, "Hang a name on me, call me Sue if you have to, but what is a name? Just a word to attribute, as if it could make sense of the madness in this, but we are not mad; we are human, all searching for that one thing we want... love, even for a moment, when we find that someone we must forgive for the paths we take towards that love; the paths are many, so many with wide dark places," I kissed him, roughly pushing his robe open, pawing his chest.

"Honey, I get it; I understand, I finally understand the why; no regrets."

Breathing slowly rolling my eyes open, "Close, here this might explain it more clarity, the scientific definition of insanity is to recreate past mistakes over and over; stuck for eternity in a temporal causality that relationship between cause and effect caught in a loop, the affected of the effect expecting different outcomes, is insanity and possibly unsanitary. It took long moments, maybe even years rattling around in my brain, but why now does that suddenly make sense to me?" I kissed along his collar bone, "I am not insane, so today, instead of zig this time I zagged," dipping my tongue into that delicious suprasternal notch "and look where it got me. Instead of a S.R.O. like the shitty motel I was stuck in last night, the neighbors trying their best at making more cracks in the wall with their animalistic sex habits, talk about unsanitary, but today on the zag, I have this," I kissed him hard and deep, "Will the mornings come too soon, do they? Personally, they usually, no they always do; is this night, this storm just long enough, to tide us over? I don't know, but suddenly I am making a different choice, breaking that insanity; even if, it is for but a short while."

That beautiful golden voice entered into my ears. “Forget about what came before; don't fear what is going to come later.” I felt the warmth of his hands, cradle my face, the low light eclipse from my face, as he rolled us side by side, I felt that possibility, his presence washing over me. My eyes fluttered open, I look into his smiling face, "Most people spend too much time staring into screens, trying to make sense of life, thinking hard work and sacrifice are the meaning of life, I watched you check one single text message; you are not exactly that kind, but I still know, that even so, you don’t spend enough time laughing or drinking wine, kissing deeply or dancing in the moonlight.” He eased me gently to my back, looking down into my eyes; my arms reflexively looping around the back of his neck.

@writernotwaiting @keeper0fthestars @iamhisgloriouspurpose @littletesla

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