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themartinsguide · 7 years

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Colombo, Sri Lanka - Paper and The Package

30 Mar - 03 April 2017

Bidding bon voyage to Thai immigration, we were off on our merry way to Sri Lanka, via a short (12 hour) layover in Kuala Lumpur. In our quest to save a few dollars (James assured Hannah it would definitely be worth it), our flight from KL to Colombo departed at 2225, after our arrival from Thailand around 10am. However, some good old-fashioned Google searching had informed us that our departure terminal had a gym, movie theatre, and plenty of other activities to keep our Gen Y minds suitably distracted.

However, as we had booked our flights separately (again, a money saving tip for the young player) we would have to clear Malay immigration, uplift our baggage, check in and re-clear Customs. Fortunately, Malaysia does not charge for their tourist visa, but unfortunately we had to wait 8 hours to check in. Although James did manage to sleep on a bench for three hours (with some impressive snoring to boot) this particular section of the airport was not as quite as well equipped as we had hoped. Adding further insult to injury, McDonalds (or James) screwed up Hannah’s McDonalds order, and she got the “worlds worst McChicken” instead of her much anticipated and salivated over Triple Cheeseburger. Divorce was on the cards. But a good sweat would work it off, and boost those endorphins, so having checked in, cleared immigration (legally this time), we took ourselves and our horrendously overstuffed carry-on (gym gear, books, passports etc) baggage down to the gym. Which was no longer open for use… So we had a beer and A giant (500g) chocolate bar instead. Adios South East Asia.

For those of you arriving late into Colombo Airport, which is highly likely for the next wee while as they upgrade the runway in the off-peak hours of 8am - 4pm, we would thoroughly recommend the A4 Residence, Colombo Airport (due to our 11pm arrival time we didn’t feel like making the hour long journey in Colombo - FYI the airport is a fair whack out of the capital). Although it was a first for us to be asked to pick up booze in duty free for a hotel (which we came to better understand as the challenges of getting a beer in Sri Lanka became apparent), and some of the artwork was questionable (including a large swan water feature in the “lobby”) we did not let this dampen our enthusiasm, and we were thoroughly rewarded with the “best breakfast ever” the next morning. The feast of 12 dishes laid in front of us at breakfast would have been large enough to feed the All Blacks front row on a hangover, and gave us our first introduction to some of the delicious Sri Lankan specialties we had to look forward to, including sambol (James’ current favourite), egg rolls and coconut rotti. To top it all off, our driver was ready and waiting (we believe he was called when we went to the bathroom for our morning ablutions, around the same time our breakfast was laid out in anticipation of our emergence dingo the dining area). It was a slick operation and the people were genuinely some of the loveliest people we had ever met.

Being the Team Jannah paper wedding anniversary weekend (and also the weekend of Cole and Crysell’s wedding - congratulations team) we had decided to book ourselves into a moderately priced 3.5 - 4 star hotel, with a pool, a gym, reasonably central in Colombo, and which would, crucially, be able to assist us in sending back to NZ a package of unnecessary accoutrements we had originally packed or enquired en-route. The Mandarina Colombo ticked all the boxes, and the Guest Services Manager had assured James that the package would be no problem at all… more fool him for replying to James’ email. The infinity pool, while lacking in sun loungers (which had been previously noted on Trip Advisor so we were not unaware), had the key prerequisite of being full of water, the gym had the necessary torture devices, mirrors, and air conditioning, and the hotel was located within walking distance or a short tuk-tuk ride from all the major attractions. But the 9kg package would prove to be a touch more challenging for all manner of staff at the Mandarina Colombo…

This tale of package woe may be most upsetting or amusing to those of you, such as RC, who have worked in the hotel industry. But for our other three followers, please feel free to read on.

Midday Sunday morning. James and Hannah, on their way out for High Tea, on their anniversary, take The Package, a non-descript cardboard box with a few clothes and books in it, to the concierge. Upon presentation of The Package, the concierge immediately refers James and Hannah to the front desk. Front Desk Staff 1 (FDS1) assures James and Hannah that he will get a quote by that afternoon, and that yes he understands it should be a slow, cheap option as they won’t be home for months.

Early evening Sunday. James and Hannah go to the Front Desk to enquire after their package. Front Desk Staff 2 (FDS 2) looks completely puzzled, despite The Package sitting on the floor next to his right foot, and explains he has no idea what they are talking about. Helpfully FDS 3 chips in with “yeah I got the message, but the office is closed until Monday so we won’t know the cost until then.” Upon Hannah pointing out that we were checking out on Monday morning and had received a note informing us that “systems would be down” and that all bills needed to be paid by 10am (convenient time) it was helpfully suggested by FDS3 that we take the package, go to our room and weigh it, search the price on the Internet, and come down and tell the FDS how much it would cost so they could bill us for it. A little surprised, and somewhat off balanced by this DIY approach to customer service, we retrieved our package and returned to our room in compliance with FDS institutions.

30 mins later. James returns to the lobby bearing instructions on how to send packages through UPS Sri Lanka, the cost based on the weight and dimensions, and some simple advice on taping the package up (clearly this was their first package). Upon sighting FDS 2 James explained, quite politely, that he would like to talk to the Night Manager, as he had decided this was beyond the ability of the FDS. After sitting down for 20 minutes and, ironically, reading an article in which Mandarina Colombo billed itself as a business travellers dream, James was surprised that neither the Night Manager nor another member of staff had come to talk to him. Particularly as The Package was sitting on the table, and the following people had all acknowledged him sitting and fuming - FDS 2, FDS 3, Concierge, a cleaner, some random guy in a suit (repeatedly). Approaching the FDS again, James was somewhat dismayed to discover that the Night Manager was not on his way as no-one had informed him that James was wishing to speak with him. He was further dismayed when the random man in the suit identified himself as the Night Manager and enquired as to what the problem was. James, still clutching The Package, somewhat lost his cool and explained that as no one in the hotel seemed to be able to assist him with The Package he would be down first thing to speak to the General Manager, who he was assured would be in by 0900.

1 hour later. James and Hananh receive a phone call from the General Manager asking if they would like to discuss The Package now. It was mutually decided to wait until 0845 Monday morning. By this time one FDS had knocked on our door asking what had gone wrong and the Night Manager had also made a visit to our room offering us a complimentary meal.

0845 Mon… FDS 3 informs James (again clutching the package) that the manager is not in yet but should be soon.

0945 Monday… FDS 3 informs James (with Package) that the manager is not available, as he is “busy at breakfast”. James politely suggests to FDS 3 that he really would like to speak to the General Manager. FDS 3 helpfully points out that he didn’t specify which manager he wanted, and assured him the GM would be down soon.

0947 - 0957. The GM agrees with James that it is not usual to ask guests to weigh packages and look up costs online after agreeing to send a package for them, that James’ elevator time could have been better spent on his anniversary, and that it was perhaps ironic that a business travellers dream hotel would struggle to send a package. The Package is finally taken from James.

1015. Checkout. FDS 2 asks James if he knows where The Package is. James does not. The last he saw of it the GM was promising to sort it out. FDS 2 backs off slowly.

1017. The Guest Services Manager explains to James that the UPS Office was closed. James explains that he doesn’t give a fucking rats arse, and if he hears about The Package one more time he is going to erupt. The Guest Services Manager backs off slowly.

3 days later. The Package arrives in NZ, not in accordance with James’ handwritten instructions.

Don’t let this dissuade you from visiting Colombo though, as packages aside, we had a couple of fantastic days (although, to be honest, it reminded us a little of Phnom Penh, and you all know how we fee, about that place…). High Tea (sans booze) at the English Cake Company was an exercise in gluttony, as our hard earned $30 was invested in three tiers of cakes, savoury seafood items, and tortes. It was tough to pick a winner, but the salted caramel torte was pretty magical (RC you would have loved it), though the leftover cheesecake got a few admiring glances on our bus ride the next day. It had begun to appear that gaining a liquor licence in Sri Lanka was as challenging as sending a package. However, we did find a cheap bottle of bubbles (but still more expensive than Lindaur) in a secret corner of the local Cargills (a Sri Lankan supermarket chain) which was sipped out of water glasses when we returned to our hotel room, which had been adorned with flowers, a fruit platter and another bloody cake. Sugar levels were peaking and as a result we didn’t end up venturing down to the old Dutch Hospital shopping precinct, which is meant to be lovely. In fact, we didn’t visit any of the TripAdvisor “things to do” in Colombo. Maybe next time.

Fortunately, the cricket ODI we attended between SL and Bangladesh, with its proud Anglo-Indian heritage, was awash in Sri Lanka’s local brew, Lion. Lion in Sri Lanka, much like its NZ namesake, is best enjoyed at the end of a hard night drinking, yelling and smoking when your tastebuds are frazzled. This did not stop us imbibing at 10am though, which was not the wisest move in 35 degrees perhaps. Still, in a sign of our growing maturity we managed to sit on our first beers for a good 30 minutes, and make it through the day without offending or cursing anyone (even though, as Peter informed us, the word “Jannah” is a Muslim concept for paradise… Just search the hashtag on Instagram). Watching cricket in Sri Lanka was a very different experience to NZ, as people joined in the singing and dancing with reckless abandon, moved around seats at will (Westpac Stadium’s security would have had heart attacks), and ribbed their opponent’s supporters with good natured banter as opposed to ruthless, intimidatory heckling. An experience not be missed, although make sure you get covered seats or splash out of the section with ceiling fans. The heat is phenomenal.

On a side note, for those of you travelling to Sri Lanka in the near future, tuk tuks are incredibly cheap (and while the idea of "tourist prices" is still in its infancy, it's still worth bartering a little), and the seafood is incredible, as is Sri Lankan food in general. Before your visit make sure you google the different foods so you know what you’re ordering when you arrive as it isn’t that easy to work it out from the menu (even though English is generally spoken very well by the locals). Even the curries are different to Indian curries. As a start, check out kottu, sambol, and devilled anything. Sri Lankan’s love their bakeries and in addition to the wide range of sweet treats, the bakeries also usually offer short eats which are deep-fried savoury morsels such as egg rolls (taste much better than they sound), samosas, etc (these can also be found at most roadside stalls and are safe to eat - touch wood).

Having successfully celebrated one year married, and exchanged paper gifts of crickets tickets with naff love notes scrawled across them, we were off toTrincomalee to do some diving.

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