#These bad times have a potential eviction notice nailed to them.

[blue-kyber]

Things are very, very grim for me right now.

I'm hanging by a thread tied to a long-distance hope of finding a lawyer willing to take my case, and that I'll get hired at the place I interviewed at yesterday.

It's grim, because I've slipped so far behind in everything, all I can afford now is ramen. I eat free food from the restaurant (my job that I'm trying to leave due to them screwing me over so hard I'm IN this situation.)

Things in jeopardy/things I can no longer pay for:

Rent

Car insurance.

2 credit cards.

Traffic ticket that I'm fighting, because the reason is disgustingly stupid - everyone in Los Angeles does what I got pulled over for on the daily. Multiple times. They enter the left hand turn lane before the turn lane starts. I was off my medication at the time (again, problem getting it). This is what the "ADHD Tax" means, and why life with ADHD is more expensive.

Health insurance - which means no more mental health care. Which means no more prescriptions for ADHD medication and antidepressants.

ADHD meds. I've been off of them since the start of August. I either can't afford them, or they're not in stock. Even the generic version of Adderall is out.

Dental Insurance.

Spotify. I have to listen to ads now. An acceptable loss, however annoying.

Disney+ (to be honest, I dropped them before this due to them raising their prices.)

Filling my car's gas tank to Full. It costs me around $88. It lives perpetually on 1 - 2 gallons, so I'm having to keep putting in $10 every other day.

There goes getting a new mattress. I'll keep dealing with lower back pain and restless nights.

Paying the mechanic back for fixing my POS 20 year old car in June.

Paying my friend back $600, and my parents back $900 to help me cover rent in July.

My paychecks and what small tips I make anymore go directly toward the money pit that is rent that I can't afford anymore, food for myself and my cat, and gas for the car.

My biggest fears right now are not making my $1250 rent by Sept. 15th, not being able to pay that ticket (which you have to pay for and hope the court refunds it back after looking at the dispute paperwork), and not getting my ADHD meds. Without them, I've been making more mistakes, and being my old scattered self without any ability to focus on more than 1 thing, and not get important things done that need to be done.

TO SAVE MYSELF...

I am looking for other work.

I took a job every Saturday at my old work (which I didn't want to return to, but I'm desperate. There are REASONS why I left).

Selling my things on Ebay - which isn't going so well. I only sold 2 small things, made $40, but I only got $15 of it. The rest went to Ebay fees and shipping.

Entering writing contests with cash prizes. I haven't won anything.

Getting the odd lottery ticket praying to God for help. Haven't won anything. Not even my $2 back.

I sold my PS2 and some games for $50 and that $50 went to gas and food.

I got a Macy's card so I could get nice work pants for job interviews, and rebuild my credit back into the 700's. It's been driven down to 695, and I am not happy about that. I worked for years to get it back up out of the 400s. Now I owe Macy's $43 by the end of the month.

Now I'm considering donating plasma even if the last time I tried years ago...let's just say it didn't go well. I panicked, I almost blacked out, and I threw up. 3 nurses were around me.

Considering donating blood if they'll pay me for it.

Auditioning for audiobook narration jobs. Haven't landed any new gigs yet, and the one I'm working on is royalty share. Which = experience. No $$$.

I need $1250 by the 15th, and I don't know what else I can do to get it. Aside from starting an Only Fans for guys who like ugly women, cakes, or feet. I am seriously considering posting pictures of my ass and feet for money.

I'm a roller skater. I know I have nice legs and nice bakery. I just really, really, really don't want to have to sink that low. I already have horrible self esteem, body issues, and mental health issues.

I am physically alone through all of this. No partner, no significant other, no family nearby. It's just me having to fight through all of this to keep going alone.

AND ALL OF THIS.... Because my work retaliated against me in June, and continue to do so.

No one wants my voice. - a literal lifetime of training. No one wants my writing - same. Decades of training. Years devoted to a work that holds my soul ("Out There: The 1K"). My patreon failed horribly. No one wants my stuff. - Yes, it's all crap, because I can't afford expensive stuff. No one wants to hire me. - I haven't figured this one out yet. No law firm wants to help me. No one wants...

Me.

BUT I AM STILL TRYING.

I bought a bunch of potatoes today, and some spaghetti. My food for a while will be baked spuds and noodles. I'll get my protein through meat dishes at work.

My cat is amazing. :) She'll always have enough food and love. She's my emotional support companion. She's even registered. And she's saving me right now. All I need to do is look at her, and I can believe for a moment that things will be ok.

I'll get through this and keep a roof over our heads because of her. Because I love her. Because I'm terrified of living on the streets. Of being dropped like I never mattered despite how hard I work to be the best at my job, and a good person.

I know it'll be ok. I just have to follow the advice my MC was given:

"You're meant for something greater out there. Not down here with us in the dirt. But you have to look up. Keep your eyes on the horizon. Keep moving. Don't look back, and don't look down. You do that, and you'll find your way out. And when you do, I hope I'm there to see you break orbit."

That's Gregor's advice to a young Yune Darrak in my novel. Gregor was his first father figure. Yune holds that speech as part of what gets him through impossible times. He named his ship the Horizon after this speech, and in honor of Gregor, of how much he saved his life just by loving him.

I need to follow my own? advice.

I've been strong for months. But now, I really want to go sit in the shower and cry. Be right back.

#Bad times are just times that are bad #These bad times have a potential eviction notice nailed to them. #I just have to stay positive that things will be ok.

[katelynn-a-fan]

Somewhere Over the Rainbow: Chapter 6

First | Previous | Next | Masterlist | Ao3

Summary: Remus has done as best as he could for the child. Now he has to get back to Patton to show him what happened. And perhaps... he was feeling a guilty for leaving Patton hanging. Perhaps.

Word count: 4.4k (4377)

Warnings: Remus type imagery, mention of throwing up, exhaustion

The smell of hospital cleaner invaded Remus's nose and spread through his senses. The more Remus breathed it in, the more Remus was filled with the stench of cleanliness.

Pretty soon it was as if his very blood was full of cleaner, and Remus grimaced at the sickeningly clean sensation that it reminded him of. He only suffered through being clean when he had to sterilize between treating patients when their lives and his job were potentially on the line. 

He was a bastard, not an idiot.

And that was when he remembered he actually had a face… and a job.

It should’ve been odd that he had forgotten he had a face, but right now his clean senses were telling him to try to create a new mess by evicting the contents of his stomach. Or maybe that was just because of the smell and how it turned his stomach into a tumultuous sea of stomach acid rolling around his gut. 

Remus’s face, what he could feel of it at the moment at least, turned to a very slight smile at the absurdity of how he was disgusted with cleanliness and satisfied with being dirty. To others he might have been absurd for desiring to be unhygienic, but he was Remus, and Remus could do whatever he wanted with his dislike of cleaning products because fuck societal standards of hygiene. 

Hygiene was optional, just like anything else.

With that, Remus’s nose full of cleaner smell finally gave him a different sensation, the sensation of something against his nose. A physical sensation.

That was new… ish…

Remus sniffed, the physical sensation of his nose expanded to (for some reason) bring in more of the scent around Remus. The movement created a tingling sensation down his face, like a thousand bugs were crawling in a wave down Remus’s body. In their wake, Remus was finally able to take stock of his body and where his limbs were where moments before the feeling was distant to him at best.

Having sensation down most of his body, he eventually deduced that he was at least standing, which was a feat considering whatever state he was just in. 

His forehead was resting on something smooth and as he was able to peel his eyes open for the first time since… whenever he had closed them.

Staring at a blank wall, Remus’s eyes threatened to close once again as 10 pound weights felt as if they were strapped to them.

This fogginess and lack of memories was growing old quick. Remus just wanted to remember and get on with it, but it was like he had a worm in his brain sucking out all of his most recent memories.

Except the worm had missed one memory, and Remus latched onto it like a man possessed as a grip on his arm tightened and he slowly registered it was his own grip on his arm.

A crystal clear memory broke through the fog, the image of a child with their front soaked in blood and his own hands pressing down on the wound. It nearly sent him reeling, but the memory led to others in his head. Patton opening the door, him walking up to the child and then panicking and rushing about to get the child to the car and then…

The memories of what happened after that crashed down all at once, everything blurring together until Remus found himself…

There.

Remus blinked away the memories as the direct realization he had left Patton in the waiting room to worry chilled his limbs. Memories of pranks some would say are cruel flitted through his mind only for a moment. This wasn’t one of his jokes; this was one of the scarce times he had unintentionally fucked up and fucked up bad.

He had to get to Patton.

Before he even registered he was doing it, he lurched forwards off of the wall, surprisingly keeping on his feet even as the world swam slightly. It only struck him after a few steps that he had no idea if he was going the right way.

Even when Remus looked up at the overhead signs that told him where he was, the word turned to fuzzy white inchworm-looking shapes in front of his eyes instead. 

The signs were useless inchworm farms, he didn’t need them. He knew the hospital like the back of his hand. It didn’t matter that his hand was slowly turning into a fuzzy blob as well, he could still navigate the hospital. Hand or no hand.

He wasn’t one to be discouraged by a fuzzy hand, so he blinked a couple of times and the hallway he was in resolved just enough so that could tell he had actually been going the right way.

Starting up down the hallway again, he swore someone was talking to him, but that was lost in the fog that still pulled his limbs down. The fog was like physical gravity laid on every inch of his limbs and he wished it wouldn’t hang on him so heavily, but no matter how much he mentally pleaded with it, it just hung on him like a snake who had sunk its fangs into something. 

The voice that might have been talking to him grew quieter and quieter with every step Remus took, so he was confident he could get back to Patton without a hitch now.

Shambling down the hallway, Remus had the presence of mind to wonder what in the heck he looked like walking down the hall. Did he look like a zombie with his body nearly skin and bones, and the skin and flesh starting to peel? Or those zombies that looked human until they noticed you and attacked? 

Whatever he looked like, it was enough to warrant a few passing concerned looks from anyone who caught his glance. And if they said anything, Remus again wasn’t paying enough attention to care about their words.

In any case, he ignored everything else that wasn’t important to continuing forwards and made his way in the twisting and turning halls back to the lobby.

Wonder how Patton had been holding up? Hope I haven’t left him in too dire of a strait. He is never too good about worrying. He’s even gotten me worried about him. Ha! If Roman were here, he’d never-

Remus stopped in his tracks. His thoughts cut off as something became lodged in his throat and his vision grew blurrier once again. Fists clenching tight, he screwed his eyes shut to stop the blurriness once and for all.

He couldn’t do that, not now. Remus didn’t have to think about that if he didn’t want to.

Now, he just had to think about getting to Patton.

Breathing in past the tight lump in his throat, Remus opened his eyes. The world was swimming even more now, like a swimmer who was trying to get away from a ravenous shark that would tear them limb from limb if the shark got them. 

Remus was close, he had to be. But time seemed to stretch into infinity with each step he took, and it was starting to get on Remus’s nerves. He wanted to do something nice for Patton for once and time was being mean and not playing fair! 

A dull throb of pain alerted Remus to the fact that he had been digging his nails into his arms without meaning to. He looked down to see thin crescent moons dug into his arm, and one was even lightly filled in with a bright red moon of blood as well. Amusement teased his face, though for what reason he was amused even Remus was in the dark about it. Perhaps it was just the weight on his limbs talking, making him as delirious as a man in the desert finding an oasis that likely wasn’t there.

His ears suddenly perked up, the sounds of someone familiar filtering through the hallway out of what was a bigger, more echoey space. The lobby was just around the corner.

Taking his cue, he sped up his efforts forwards, ignoring the fact his limbs were dragging more and more heavily the closer he got to the sound. 

The sound changed as he pushed forwards faster and faster, but Remus wasn’t paying attention to that as he gripped the wall that had come up to greet him. Remus wasn’t in the mood for a chat with the wall, so he pushed himself off the wall only to stumble into a gurney that made him cringe at the clatter it made. 

Gurney forgotten the moment he looked away from it, Remus’s vision immediately zeroed in on Patton. There were other vaguely familiar people there, but Remus could only see Patton. 

Patton was tired, bags under his eyes and hair sticking out a bit, but he looked better than Remus had been worried he was doing. Remus’s heart jumped in joy and relief at the sight of him.

He desperately pushed himself away from the other wall that came to say hello to him. The world was angry and swam around him like a speedboat now, and Remus had only one thought in his mind.

“Patton.” Remus croaked, a vague surprise rising in him at how hoarse his voice was.

And then the floor abruptly came up to his face and tried to slap him.

It was very rude of the floor to do that to be frank, that was what ran through Remus’s head in that moment as his body crept closer and closer to the ground.

However, something stopped the floor’s hand in its swing as a pair of warm arms caught him. 

Had he been cold all this time? Remus had no clue, but he had warmth wrapped around him as consciousness began to flee further and further from him.

Words were uttered above him, but just like his trek down the hallway, the words weren’t important. Patton was okay, and that was what was important. 

Remus let go of the last thread of consciousness, content that Patton was okay.

That was until the sounds above him filtered back in, forcing themselves into Remus’s consciousness like a reverse alien chest burster.

“-mus. Remus! Please wake up! You… I can’t…” Remus’s stomach dropped as Patton’s voice entered his ears, on the verge of sobbing.

Fuck. Fucky sloppy fuck.

Remus couldn’t leave Patton like this. He was worrying Patton again, the one thing he didn’t want. He… had to…

A ghost of a groan came from his lips as he forced himself to leap for the thread of consciousness, grabbing it as tight as a boa constrictor ready to devour its prey.

“Remus?” The disbelieving but hopeful sound of Patton above him had his hand squeezing a hand that was already in his. He was still awake damn it.

Putting more oomph in it this time, Remus parted his lips in a groan again. He had no clue what he was trying to say. Sorry? I’m awake? Poopy?

Whatever the case, he was able to part his eyes open as a surge of energy, probably from some good old adrenaline, swept through him. The shot of adrenaline even gave him enough strength to right himself a little, before that swimming world was back and forced him back on the ground again.

“Woah, hey Remus, you don’t have to get up just yet. You collapsed from what’s likely exhaustion. You feel really tired, right?”

Remus pursed his lips a little, his face scrunching up automatically as his ‘thinking face.’ 

Exhaustion? Was he exhausted? He… yeah, maybe? In any case, he was too tired to think too hard about it, so he nodded.

“Well before anything, we need to get you somewhere out of the way. Oh…” Patton’s voice grew quiet as Remus watched through cracked eyelids when he turned to someone he couldn’t see. “Can… we use this vacant stretcher? He’s just exhausted from everything this morning, from what I can tell, so he just needs it until he can get up again.”

A voice Remus recognized as Ava’s came from even further away, and though Remus couldn’t hear what exactly she said, Patton nodded and responded to her.

“Okay,” Patton looked down at Remus with a patient smile as he wrapped his arms more securely around Remus, the distant knowledge that Patton would’ve been the one who caught him finally registering in his brain. “Hey Remus, we’re going to get you on the stretcher okay? You’re not hurt from what we can tell, so we’re putting you on the stretcher because you don’t look like you’re in any state to walk.”

Remus would beg to disagree, but the feeling of multiple hands lifting him up prevented him from giving a proper rebuttal. He drifted a little as his body was lifted, the strange feeling of rising doing odd things to his sense of balance. Part of him found the addition of other hands odd, but that part of him was being smothered under the exhausted part of him.

He picked up a few words spoken around him here and there as the feeling of Patton’s hands gripping his returns. But the feeling that something was missing slowly spread through his gut as his mind drifted softly, he was oh so heavy and he just couldn’t keep his eyes open and something was probably wrong…

“What happened? I- we- We thought you-” A voice Remus knew he should know exactly who was speaking said, but it slid off of his groggy mind. He fought a little to stay awake, fighting the feeling pulling him down once again. Why couldn’t he decide whether he wanted to be awake or asleep? It was infuriating to say the least.

Whatever, it was just how it was at that moment.

Remus craned his ears to absently listen to what was said.

“Well, first things first, I’m fine. Please don’t worry. Second, try not to freak out or worry more about what I’m going to say.” Patton’s voice slowly edged into near panic, but a small squeeze from Remus on their clasped hands gave him pause. 

Managing to peel his eyes open a crack, Remus quirked the corner of his mouth at Patton. Patton, who had been looking at something out of Remus’s eyesight, smiled down at Remus gently. It was like Remus was sick and had woken up to someone caring for him when he thought he would deal with it alone. Except of course, he wasn’t sick, not with any ailment other than sleepiness, he hadn’t just woke up, unless he had slipped under and hadn’t noticed and… the last one was… technically true. Sort of.

Still, the sight was… comforting.

His body reacted without him, a sigh escaping his lips as Patton pushed back a single strand hair that had fallen into his face. Eyes slipping closed, Remus hummed softly as Patton’s hand retreated.

“It’s alright Remus, you can sleep if you want. You need it after working so hard, right?”

Had he worked hard? He didn’t remember, but with what he did remember he had to have worked hard, right?

Even though he didn’t completely believe it, Remus let his head bob up and down a few millimeters each way as his tongue was leagues heavier than it should’ve been. Patton was a lot smarter than him at the moment, so Remus took his judgement as what had likely happened instead.

Patton continued, thumb running over Remus’s distant knuckles. 

“Getting back to what happened, I had settled down on the couch with some hot chocolate as well as some cookies I had made,” Patton sounded apologetic about the cookies for some reason Remus couldn’t fathom. Cookies were cookies. What was wrong with that? “And that was when I heard a sound outside the front door. I thought at first it was someone trying to get in to rob the house and/or hurt me, so… I wasn’t prepared to see what was actually behind the door.”

Patton paused, and by his constricting grasp on Remus’s hand, he was likely trying not to cry. Remus hoped Patton had received Remus’s own squeeze in response, but if he did, he didn’t comment on it.

“I uh… had that vase that was in the living room as a weapon even though one of my crutches would’ve been a more solid thing to hit an intruder with, now that I think about it. In any case I uh, opened the door to face the ‘intruder’ only to find… a child on my front door step.”

Above Remus there were a couple of muted exhalations, like someone had been holding their breath for a long time. Patton didn’t slow down, though in fact he only just sped up.

“They had no coat, no gloves, and no shoes. Their limbs were nearly purple and blue from hypothermia and they were just so small-”

Patton's voice broke, jaggedly cutting off as Patton drew in a shuddering breath. Remus forced another hum, trying to sound as comforting as possible as he squeezed Patton’s hand as hard he dared. He hoped Patton got the message that he was trying to comfort him through the simple gesture.

In any case, Patton’s breathing slowly evened out again, his hand settling.

“I’m sorry… they… looked so young, like kindergarten or preschool at most and nearly a toddler at the least. I had to bring them inside, and I think I dropped the vase when I saw them? I… it’s still a bit of a blur.” Patton paused and gulped a little. “I… didn’t know exactly what to do at first, because I had no idea if I could just keep them at home because for all I knew the child could be okay without a hospital. So I uh… panicked a bit, I got my afghan cause they had likely been outside for long enough that they would need something incredibly thick and insulating to warm them up before. I didn’t even think to call Remus ‘cause he was a nurse until I don’t know how after and-”

Patton’s voice cuts off, and Remus was too out of it to do more than wonder why he had stopped and wait patiently for him to continue. He wasn’t crying, as Patton’s voice was relatively steady. After an amount of time that nearly bordered on concerning, Patton shifted slightly away from Remus, his hand nearly leaving Remus’s limp grasp.

Fluttering slightly, Remus’s hand nearly clawed at Patton’s arm before it hit Remus that Patton wasn’t fully pulling away, stopping just before Patton’s hand was out of Remus’s grasp. 

What’s… going on? Is… who…

“Thank you. It’s just… hard…”

This time another voice that was much less familiar to Remus soothingly comforted Patton.

“Hey, no pressure, you can just give us a brief overview of what happened after that. I don’t want you to make yourself panic, okay? We don’t need to know everything right now. Tell us at your own pace alright?”

Patton’s hand bobbed in Remus’s grip, giving the impression Patton was nodding against something, whatever it actually was was beyond Remus.

 As a tiny droplet of something fell onto Remus’s hand, Patton continued, his voice a bit more steady, if but a little smaller and quieter than before.

“Okay… uh… I....called Remus to come over and he of course came over. Together we found blood on the front of their shirt that I didn’t notice before and then we rushed the child to the hospital. I got stuck in the waiting room because I wasn’t a medical professional and I tried to stay awake for a bit in case Remus came back but I fell asleep at some point.”

“So Remus helped you?” The more familiar voice asked.

“Yeah, he is my friend, and he’s owed me a ton of favors by now and this for me expends all of them.”

A strange mix of emotion flows through Remus. His chest tightened, but there was a tiny spark of indignation in his gut as well and it all flowed together into a weird mire of confusion. 

At that point, Remus didn’t know why he was still awake. Patton had everything under control, even if there was something that didn’t completely add up, it was probably fine...

After that, everything got fuzzier and fuzzier, just as Remus was temptingly on the cusp of sleep that he had been so desperate for for the last… who knows how long. That was the moment when somehow every little thing he had missed fell into place like a giant thousand piece puzzle assembling itself and what was once a scattered mess in his head before finally came to make sense.

The collapsing in exhaustion, the hands of other people, the concerned tones of Patton’s voice, and the overwhelming feeling he was missing something super obvious and important. 

But the most important thing was… he recognized the voice that was talking to Patton. 

With that, he suddenly pounced on Patton, shifting his weight as fast he could to grip onto Patton, his slightly wrinkled shirt kneading under his grasp.

“Woah, Remus!” 

Remus held on for dear life to Patton as Patton also clung tightly back. Patton seemed afraid Remus would keel over again out of exhaustion, which could have been a possibility if not for Remus’s gaze searching his surroundings.

Looking through slitted eyes lids, Remus searched hard for who he had heard and quickly found him by his bright red coat.

Roman.

Roman was here.

He… Roman shouldn’t be there in the same room, not with him. With Patton, sure, Patton was his own person and could be in the same room with Roman, but not with Remus. 

Remus anticipated the same glare that always met him when he and Roman met face to face, but strangely there was none. Sure, Roman definitely didn’t look happy to see him as always, but he wasn’t scowling or anything like he usually did. In fact, Remus could dare say Roman looked… concerned?

“Wh- Wh-” Remus could barely speak, his words failing him as he looked back to Patton in confusion, but Patton was only looking at Remus in concern. Out of the corner of Remus’s eye, he saw that Janus was there as well, but that was merely a passing thought that quickly gave way to more confusion

“Hey, Remus. You don’t have to get up or talk, everything’s going to be taken care of. Alright?. Ava said she called for a doctor to talk about going to see the child as long as everyone followed the rules. But you look exhausted and I don’t want you to overexert yourself more than you have.”

And with that, the last key on Remus’s memories turned in the lock of his mind. What his exhausted mind had kept failing to remember and realize hit him at full force as the words soaked into him.

The child.

They were…

He had to show Patton. And fuck anyone if they tried to stop him.

Leaning forwards, Remus jumped haltingly off the bed, holding onto Patton for dear life as they both dangerously came close to falling over, but miraculously both of them managed to hold themselves so that neither fell.

Patton blinked in surprise, mouth opened to likely ask Remus what he was doing. But Remus wasted no time, he pulled on Patton’s arms firmly, leading Patton down the hall.

“Whoa Remus, did you hear what I said? I said a doctor was coming to escort us. I… Do you have the authority to even bring us? ‘Cause we are not their family and…”

If Patton said anything after that, Remus didn’t hear it as now he was intentionally tuning Patton’s words out because they were irrelevant. Patton had to see the child was okay so they had to go see the child now. It was only logical. Not that Remus was an expert in logic, mind you.

All Remus was focused on was tugging Patton down the hall. A slow smile grew on Remus’s face as it became easier and easier to bring Patton along. 

Patton gets to see them. He needs to see the child. Patton gets to see them. He needs to see the child. Patton gets to see them. He needs to see the child. 

The words went in circles in Remus’s head. One morphed into the next in an endless loop with each step Remus took.

Now in reverse, Remus brought Patton down the same path he had stumbled down minutes before, his memories complete, though he didn’t have to think about those now.

Remus only slowed when the room the child was in was in his sights. 

Patton had fallen silent by then. He wasn’t even trying to pull out of Remus’s grasp anymore. Patton wanted to check on the child as much as Remus did.

Remus grasped the doorway tightly as he swayed slightly, but he half-pulled Patton into the doorway to let him see.

The child was on a hospital bed, and somehow they looked even smaller than before. Remus hadn’t noticed that. But they had all the standard workup; an IV, a heartbeat monitor. Under the swanky hospital gown they had on, Remus knew there were bandages over the wound in the child’s stomach that he knew had been from… something that Remus couldn’t think of. They were so pale.

Snapshots of the others’ expressions caught Remus’s eye, even as the fuzziness was closing in again. Patton covering his mouth as tears pricked at his eyes at the sight of the child. Roman’s expression flipping immediately from confused and concerned to concerned and some emotion Remus couldn’t place. And lastly, Janus’s curious expression becoming one of horror.

Remus had no clue what he looked like. His face was probably mostly blank, but happy. That’s what he was right then. 

Happy.

Now that Patton was here with the child, exhaustion swooped over Remus faster than ever before. He had done his job. He… had done a good job. Like Patton said, he… did… good….jo….

And like that, Remus’s world went finally, blissfully black.

#Somewhere Over The Rainbow #sotr #sort #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #gore mention #patton sanders #intruality #roman sanders #janus sanders #royalceit #eventual romantic dlampr #chapter 6

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

SPN 14x13, Lebanon (Yes, That One) -- Thoughts (Spoilers)

It's finally here, guys. The big 300. I've now seen 300 episodes of Supernatural. Phew...what a crazy ride its been. But let's dive into this, shall we.

I'm going to be a little different with this one. This is going to follow a little more of a recap structure. It's the big 300, so of course I had to change it up a little. As I recap this episode, I'll be inserting thoughts I have here and there. I will be recapping from memory so things might get a little out of order. It should go without saying but there will be spoilers. And keep in mind, this is just how I feel and how I interpret things. You may have a completely different interpretation and that's perfectly valid. These are just MY thoughts.

We open up with Sam and Dean in the midst of a hunt. A hunter friend of theirs died and Sam and Dean are trying to recover what was stolen from their friend as well as avenge him. They corner the murderer and in a really cringey fight scene, the murderer meets his maker. Typically, SPN fight scenes are, while not fantastically well put together, but at least put our heroes in a competent light. Honestly, I don't think I've seen such stilted choreography since season 13 in the vamp cave. But anyway, the murderer uses dragon's breath (which is essentially a flamethrower) to escape from Brothers Winchester and it sends them flying in different directions but apparently dragon's breath isn't that hot. Just a small little thing, but if you're standing that close to the fire, you should've had some burn marks, I'm just saying, at the very least, soot on your face. But whatever. Dean gets thrown across the room, Sam ends up on the floor with our villain monologuing to him and I'm uncomfortable with just how incompetent Sam appeared to be in this scene. The villain is monologuing and Sam is just sitting there and doing nothing. What happened to Sam's gun? Why didn't Sam sweep the leg or go for a gut punch? So many things he could've done to get the upper hand in the situation especially since the villain only had a sword. While swords can be very deadly, they're also easier to dodge as opposed to bullets or throwing daggers. But Sam just sits there in fear for a good 5 seconds (and 5 seconds is an eternity both on screen and in a fight) and Dean then shoots the guy and talks about the villain monologuing problem. I'm not mad that Dean got the kill or anything. I don't believe in "staning" culture but if you could at least have made Sam appear competent, that would be nice.

But with the murderer dead, Sam and Dean find out he has a lot of magical junk so they decide to take it back to the bunker. In the files, they find a magical pearl which apparently will grant your greatest desire. Obviously, the boys think, "this is great. Our greatest desire is to evict the douche currently residing in our nagen." But before this greatest wish can be made, we have to make a little side trip because one of the teenagers in Lebanon (the town where the bunker exists) stole the impala. Sam's all, "that kid is in danger, we gotta find her, there's dangerous shit in that car" -- and much to my annoyance, Dean is all, "how dare she take Baby, she better not hurt Baby". *Takes a deep breath* This is an aspect of Dean's character I find super irritating. This weird romance he has with the damn car. How he places the car above things that, realistically, are a little more important. Maybe he should be less concerned about Max scratching the car and more concerned about the fact you have a teenage girl you don't know (or barely know at the very most) in a car with deadly objects and deadly weapons. I get it, this is supposed to be a funny quirk of his and at one point it was but now it's been so overdone that it's more irritating than it is endearing. I really hope the show goes into Dean's character development, and approaches the car as a mirror of how Dean feels about his father and his childhood and as he grows to accept his father more, he'll eventually realize that just like he doesn't need his father, he doesn't need the impala. I'm sure I said something absolutely sacrilegious in the fandom but I'm not going to apologize for it. This whole obsession with the impala is immature and creepy and it makes me worry for Dean's mental health.

So they find the girl but not before the girl's actions releases a serial killer clown ghost (because in an episode dealing with past fears and insecurities, of course it's a clown). They kill the ghost but three of the teenagers see and therefore they get the "talk." And these three also appear to be seen as mirrors for Sam, Dean, and Cas. They weren't very subtle about it, let me tell you.

So after leaving the kids to process the information that the sounds you hear in your closet may actually not be in your head, Brothers Winchester arrive back at the bunker and try out this magical pearl. But behold! It would seem evicting au!Michael is not Dean's greatest desire because Father Winchester is yanked from the past (sometime before the pilot) and dropped into their time. And, I'm not going to say this a lot about this episode, but I like the cinematography used here. It was an excellent usage of the color red symbolizing Brothers Winchester's own repression and isolation they experienced from their father as well as John's revenge focused aggression, blindly lashing out at anything that moves even if it's his own children. And the scene was also shot in a very choppy way meant to be seen as a little confusing...also symbolizing the thoughts of confusion the boys harbor towards their father and much like the confusion John no doubt feels with the turn his life has taken.

Everyone eventually realizes what's up and they fill John in on what's been happening for the past 14 years. And it's a very nice, very touching reunion and then Momma Winchester shows up. John and Mary have a wonderful reunion kiss, its so beautiful. I completely understand how Dean got swept into the moment here. Witnessing something he probably only barely remembers from his childhood, thinking he'll never see it again, and there it is. And just like that it takes him back to a time when life was seemingly perfect. When he had hope, when he had dreams. His parents were alive, they loved each other, they loved him, he had an adorable baby brother. It gave him something he never thought he'd have again. And just the kiss in general, you know. Just so reminiscent of past lovers who never thought they would see each other again suddenly seeing each other and everything they used to feel all coming up at once. It was wonderful. Think Celine Dion, Its All Coming Back to Me Now and I think you'll have the tone of this moment nailed down.

But Sam and Dean leave these two to have their moment and Sam tells Dean there's going to be repercussions for this. Time travel is a funky thing. But they decide to have one family dinner and think about the consequences after that. Dean asks Mary for the ingredients to make her Winchester Surprise and John and Sam have a really touching moment. John feels the need to apologize to Sam about everything that happened between them. And Sam tells him it doesn't matter. Their fight happened a long time ago, he's put it in the past and moved on. Sam also tells his father that the biggest regret he has is never having the chance to say good-bye. Their last conversation being an argument and then Sam finding John dead on the hospital floor. This scene got me so choked up like you don't even know. I've been through this. Lost someone while we were on shaky terms, I never got the chance to say good-bye, so many things were left unsaid and I would kill for an opportunity Sam has here where I can finally tell that person it's okay and rectify the bad blood that occurred between us. And Sam acknowledges it as well. This opportunity he has right here and now is all he's ever wanted.

Sam and Dean go off to buy these ingredients but this is when they start noticing the time travel problems. The future is starting to change, but it's more of a ripple effect right now. They haven't changed yet, but time around them has and eventually the ripple is going to smother out and their new future will take hold. Sam calls it a time paradox. And because of the paradox, we're treated to season 4 Zachariah and Castiel. But in regards to Castiel here, it's important to note that he's more pre-season 4. He hasn't delved into hell yet to get Dean out so he doesn't really have any of those rebellious feelings yet. And no, I'm not going to quote THE Destiel line. In all honesty, I've come to hate the line. It's been over-used so much that it's basically lost all meaning to me. Fandom and canon just keep on poking at it, now it's just something I roll my eyes at whenever I hear it. I am sad that we got season 4 Zachariah. When they were saying we were going to get a different Zachariah, I was so hoping for a role reversal kind of situation but apparently the "different Zachariah" is meant to be interpreted as "different from season 13 au!Zachariah" who actually isn't all that different. PR is not show running, people. Take a grain of salt with everything they say. But the Wing Team is on a quest to find out who meddled with time. Even going so far as to threaten to murder a diner full of people. Thankfully, Sam and Dean stop that from commencing but are in a real shock that with this time paradox, it now means Cas is no longer the Cas they all know and love. That if John stays here, they're going to lose their best friend (in Sam's case) and potential lover (in Dean's case). But the scene plays out how you would expect it to. Zach is his usual douchey self and is giving Sam cancer just like he used to (good times, let me tell ya) but Sam remembers he has an angel blade on him and kills Zach. Nowhere near as badass as it was in season 5, but still cathartic. And next we get to see a re-creation of the tomb scene from season 8 with Dean and Cas in a match of fisticuffs. But this Cas has never met Dean so Dean really has no chance of reaching Cas. But Sam in some quick thinking rembers the sigil that will cast angels out and uses it. The boys make a break for the bunker and everyone gets filled in.

Sam and Dean realize that in order for everything to go back they way it was, they have to smash the pearl. Everything will be forgotten but everything will also revert back to the way it once was. Sam wishes there was a way John could remember everything but Dean tells him he prefers that John doesn't. John going back with knowledge of the future could change who they are and Dean doesn't want that change. He wants to be exactly who he is right here and right now which is just so much progress. John tells them to do it because if the timeline changes, Mary's resurrection could never have happened and she'll eventually disappear. Even though he's going back to a time where he will die, trading himself for Mary is more than worth it. He'd rather have Mary exist in the world and himself die as opposed to living the rest of his days without her. And maybe it's because I have so much Kingsom Hearts nonsense floating through my brain, even if he doesn't remember, this will have left a mark on his heart. It'll leave him feeling something even if he doesn't understand why he feels that way. Everyone has the family dinner they always wanted, John also apologizes to Dean for everything, he tells both of his sons just how proud he is of them, he and Mary have another moment and the pearl is broken. Father Winchester disappears and everyone is crying. Our most beloved Cas returns and remarks on why everyone is acting so weird and Dean tells him they have a story to tell him. I kind of wish we got to see them tell Cas but I understand why we don't. Story-Telling 101. Don't repeat information the audience already knows, instead, insinuate the character is being filled in off-screen. John wakes up in his time in the impala and remarks on the good dream he had and drives off to his dark future. And the episode ends.

So what did I think of this episode? Honestly, I'm of two minds on it. Narratively and character-wise, this was a really good episode. But structurally and production-wise, not so much.

It had a really good narrative, the acting was fantastic, but on a cinematic level, My Chuck, was this episode dull to look at. The directing was just extremely stilted, apart from John's entrance, I don't think there was a single scene I thought was visually appealing. The musical score was very bland. It makes me really sad that there was so much hype for this episode but so little effort put into the production of it. Of the milestone episodes, 200 is probably my favorite.

I also say this episode kind of faltered on a structural basis, as well. While I appreciate the use of the Lebanon characters, I feel like they were largely unnecessary for the actual plot. And when they were first pitching this episode to us last year, I was imagining the Lebanon townsfolk being more of a primary aspect of the episode. While I enjoyed the themes and the mirrors with the Lebanon element, I feel like this would've been a better structured episode without them and given the episode more time with the family reunion and the Wing Team.

But I do love the narrative themes in this episode. Choosing between your past family and your future family. Putting your past behind you and acknowledging yourself as an individual. I've seen a few posts lamenting about how they dislike that Dean didn't yell at John or anything along those lines and honestly, I feel like that's the point. Dean has grown past that. He's acknowledged that as part of his past and has moved on from it. We all have trauma we associate with our parents. And while yelling at our parents might make us feel better, will it really heal us? Will it give us what we really need? And that's the whole thing with Dean, isn't it? Want vs Need. Dean's greatest desire was never to face John again and tell him how much he hates him -- no, Dean's greatest desire was to face his father again and not see himself in his father. To realize he's become his own person that isn't his father and that he likes that person and he doesn't want that to change. That's what Dean wanted. That was the self-acceptance Dean needed and I'm really excited to see where this all heads for Dean as a character. Now that he's accepted himself, is he going to allow himself to be happy now?

Essentially, this episode was a beautiful episode about family, about the progression of family, about finding acceptance and forgiveness and being able to put it behind you and look towards the future and I thought that was extremely beautiful and well done. I'd give this episode a B+. Sadly, I do knock it down because of the production value.

#spn 14x13 spoilers #spn 14.13 spoilers #spn episode 300 spoilers #spn ep 300 spoilers

[prorevenge]

Refuse to be a decent human? Lose your house.

Warning: Very long story.

It's 2011, my boyfriend and I decided to rent a house with our best friends - an engaged couple with two kids. I'm changing names here: I'm Kylie, my boyfriend is Jim, and our couple friends are Brad and Angelina. Jim, Brad, and myself are active duty military.

After over a month of searching we found a really cute house- 1850 sqft, nice yard, great neighbors, only $1350/m, hardwood except for 1 room, 7 minutes from our base. The landlord is in a different state but tells us she pays one of the neighbors to manage the keys for her. It's a military town and that's not uncommon. We all met up with him, toured the house, decided to sign the lease.

We moved in sometime in August. We liked the house, but there were crickets coming into one of the bedrooms through a crack in the window sill. The landlord didn't want to fix it and said to caulk it. It worked, no problem.

We noticed the carpet in the living room was a little dingy and asked her if she would mind paying someone to clean it since we moved in that way. We even made a note of it and took pictures when we moved in. She said no. I bought my own cleaner and the carpet lightened a few shades.

In October, we went to cut the heat on and it didn't work. So we realized the oil tank was empty. Part of the lease states when we move out we needed to leave a full tank of oil, which isn't really a problem as long as we start with a full tank and use all the oil in it. Call the landlord and ask her to have the oil company come fill the tank - which it's 2011 so it's going to cost $1200 to do. She says no. We told her fine, we wouldn't be leaving a full tank when the lease was over though. She got mad and said we had to because it was a clause in our lease. We had the oil company provide statements to say the last time it was filled was that prior January and it was empty when they came to fill our tank that month. We filled the tank, but the heat still didn't work. It's been 2 weeks and it's really getting cold, we asked the LL to get a repairman out to the house. Brad and Angelina have two small kids that need to stay warm. My landlord took another week to fix the heat, and the people that did it were... questionable. It worked for a month, but then quit. We called in our own repairmen to come handle it since the last ones creeped me out, and he noticed some major issues with the chimney that needed attention right away. Like it was unsafe to run the heat at all, the damned thing was about to collapse. We let her know, emailed scans of the paperwork from our nice Honeywell tech and two quotes from contractors to get the work done. (it's going to be $3000-3500ish) It's an emergency repair, at the point it's December and we are really cold. We were using space heaters. The kids have chest colds and Angelina is ready to fly into our landlord's state to handle her physically. I mailed all of that information to her (Angelina's bodily threats omitted) with a signature confirmation and a letter stating the issue.

A few days pass and nothing from our bitch LL. I got onto Google and read the landlord tenant act and local landlord court cases just to see if I had a leg to stand on. I also spoke to my JAG, who's brother happened to be a real estate lawyer, who was also friends with my next door neighbor (the keyholder dude, who surprise, never got paid to watch the house) and decided to come over for dinner with all of us at their place. He gave me some really good info. The next morning, I called our landlord and told her, "look, you get this repair done or I will condemn the house and not pay a dime of rent until it's done". She says she doesn't believe me. I overnighted a certified letter to her explaining the issue and requesting the repair be started within 5 business days since it was an emergency and I had already reported it a week prior. 5 days go by, nothing. At this point I'm ready to walk out on the lease but don't have quite enough legal issues to back that up so- Jim and I requested 20 days of vacation from the military. I drafted a letter to LL telling her she had 10 days to get the repair done or we would terminate the lease, and we would not be paying rent while the heat was in disrepair. I cited the previous letter and included her signature confirmation for it also. 4 days before we go on vacation, I overnighted and signature confirmationed the letter. Two days before we are set to go on vacation I called a city building inspector, set an appointment, he came and condemned the house - it took him less than 15 minutes to decide. Brad and Angelina took off to Angelina's mom's house and Jim and I headed out to spend a few weeks in WARM, SUNNY Florida with his Cuban family. (mmmm, the food). We prorated rent for every day the house was condemned. I called the building inspector every few days to see if the work was done. He also demanded that my landlord do a few minor electrical repairs. Several days have gone by... I spent half that month's rent on good food, liquor, and Disney world tickets. On the 6th day in Florida, the landlord calls me threatening eviction. I told her to please take me to court because I was ready to embarrass her. I cited the landlord tenant act, told her I was going to sue for travel costs to FL, hotel costs, and at that point she was already looking at $850 and it was just going to get more costly. (Longshot, but, I was mad). I also said we were prepared to just walk out if it wasn't done by the time the certified letter stated it should be, again, I wasn't kidding. I had already reserved a uhaul. Oh, and she would be reimbursing me for that $1100 in oil I hadn't been able to burn. She said fine and finally replaced the chimney two weeks after the place was condemned. My neighbor told me she had to borrow money from her family to get it done. Not my problem. She also told me I was a horrible person who was torturing her and her 5 year old who were victims of domestic violence. She also told me we were only slightly better than the last tenants, who she "thought were black by how terrible the house looked when they left". Okay, wow, a slum lord and a racist - I should play the lottery. I'm sorry for your situation but your husband has been a shit to you since you got together. How do I know? Turns out, one of my supervisors is friends with her old supervisor and he and other members of her chain of command had responsed to fights where her and her husband hit each other. Apparently the husband is a drunk too. They tried to get her to leave him but she is just as bad, she busted out his windshield one time and burned all his stuff another. Turns out she got a general administration discharge. She seemed so nice and sweet when we were getting ready to sign that lease. I still can't believe what a bucket of kuku for coco puffs she turned out to be.

Whatever, we came home to a house with functioning heat. Brad and Angelina decided not to move back in but that was all cool with Jim and me. We notarized an agreement between us and told them we totally understood and would take over the rent. Missed them after they left, though.

Later on, in March, a realtor knocked on my door and said he wanted to show the house to a couple. I said, you have the wrong place buddy, I'm renting this right now. He's like no, the owner wants a short sale hopefully by July. I explained I had no notice and was a little confused but it was okay. He was very uncomfortable and unhappy to have walked into a situation where a tenant didn't even know he was coming. I told him it was totally fine, and went on to divulge some details about his new client. He was pretty appalled. He leveled with me- its a cute house but really only worth $90k due to the market crash. It had last sold for $124k, according to zuilla. She's asking for 120k and on the verge of foreclosure. Seriously? I let the couple and realtor in the next day. Didn't worry about it after that. He came to take detailed pictures so he wouldn't have to bother me with flaky potential buyers. He was so nice, I let him help me find a new house to rent when my lease was up. We are still friends on Facebook.

Then, in July the realtor called me and asked if he could show the house to a client. Absolutely. I cleaned and made sure I looked nice for her visit....and when they got to my house I noticed the lady was black. And she wanted to rent. I said, ma'am, call me later today and don't tell anyone. She did! I told her what my LL said about how she couldn't believe her past tenants were white because they left the house trashed when they left. I said, "I don't think this is a good house for you, I know a great guy who is renting out his beach side condo for the next year while he goes out to Africa, why don't you call him?" I text his listing to her, she calls him, ends up renting his house.

None of that is really revenge. Before we moved out, Jim and I cleaned the house. We left the carpets sparkling clean (had professionals come in and do it), payed a gardener to come in and make the yard spiffy, patched up some small nail holes and even painted some window trim that was chipped when we moved in. we basically left it better than we found it, we had already repainted 3 bedrooms in flattering colors when we first moved in (that was approved by the LL no problem of course). We took pictures before and after we moved in. A month goes by, we are all settled in our new condo, and she didn't give us a dime back in freaking deposit. $2400 down the damned drain, plus the cost of little repairs we made out of pocket so we couldn't have to deal with her crazy ass.

I was angry. I began organizing to go to court. Then suddenly Jim is told he's deploying soon. the fuck. A week goes by- Also, I'm pregnant. Which we were casually "not trying but trying" to do. We were happy about that part, but I was puking every day twice a day and emotional. Then Angelina calls me and guess who is on Craigslist slinging her shit hole slum? My LL. I lost it. I got on the same forum her ad was on and posted about the house, every single problem we had, every phone call, every snotty email, how many weeks we went without heat, the crickets, LL's messed up relationship with her off and on again husband, the oil tank, and the racist comments. I never said "don't rent or buy", just shared my experience as a tenant. I didn't name any names but I did link her ad. Received 7 emails thanking me stating LL seemed really nice on the phone but they would be dodging that bullet.

The house foreclosed a few months later.

(source) (story by slumriverofbliss)

#pro revenge #by slumriverofbliss #prorevenge #pro revenge stories #revenge stories #pro #revenge