#Scottish cycling hero Skinner tells how the pursuit of glory led to depression and early retirement"

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Scottish cycling hero Skinner tells how the pursuit of glory led to depression and early retirement

What happens when the brilliance of the gold becomes dull when the thousands have traveled but the destination remains unknown, even unreachable ,

& I was in Scotland Scotland and felt trapped. I knew that when I stood up or looked into someone's eyes I burst into tears. I was in my gear for an hour and a half, sat. Locked up. Become more anxious. It felt like I was in a prison. I text & # 39; the friends, my mother, looking for help. I thought, "I can't do this." It was a complete slump. It felt like I was in a prison. & # 39;

The speaker is Callum Skinner, Olympic gold medalist. The scene was the cycling track during the Commonwealth Games of 2018 in the Gold Coast . It was a Friday and Skinner had the heir of the keirin, where he did not advance. The next day I was scheduled to participate in the sprint. But the dam burst apart

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Olympic champion Great Britain Callum Skinner withdrew from the elite cycling at the age of 26

Olympic champion Great Britain Callum Skinner retired 26 years old back from the elite cycling

& # 39; I went through a period in which I thought I felt like I was ticking the dike, but in the end I felt it would overflow & # 39 ;, he says, publicly publicizing his fights with depression for the first time.

A relentless pursuit for gold to the soundtrack of harmful, intrusive voices in his head had reached the ground to stop in a full arena for the world's press.

Skinner sought comfort and help in the form of the Scottish team doctor. The cyclist, who refused medication, was instructed not to race.

& # 39; My mother came and saw me & # 39 ;, he recalls. & # 39; She realized how bad it was. The light had disappeared from my face. She looked at me with tears. It was a difficult few days. & # 39; That was Friday. On Sunday, Skinner won the bronze medal in the 1,000-meter time trial. This performance is screaming of resilience, it is screaming of hardness. It also whispers emphatically from obsession.

<img id = "i-a37566f2fd02617" src = "https://dailym.ai/2FouBCY 0-image-a-63_1561159202767.jpg "height =" 422 "width =" 634 "alt =" Philip Hindes of Philip, Jason Kenny and Callum Skinner at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games Philip Hindes of Team GB, Jason Kenny and Callum Skinner at the Rio Olympics in 2016

Philip Hindes, Philip Kenny and Callum Skinner from Team GB at the Rio Olympics in 2016

& # 39; I said to myself, "It's a one-way trip, alone." I had never won the Commonwealth Games Medal, so you never know when it will be your last chance, & he says. & # 39; was one of the most difficult races of my life, I crossed the line first.

& # 39; There were two riders left, so I knew I had won a medal.

& # 39; Behind the sight was di EPE sadness. The expectation of elation to win a medal did not come, it had not taken away the bad feeling deep down. I had won a medal, but I wanted to run away. & # 39; The race had failed him. Performance could not silence the internal monologue. A medal could not bring peace.

& # 39; I never realized until I realized how great the distraction was of pursuing an Olympic medal, & # 39; he says, thinking about winning team gold and an individual silver in the sprint at Rio de Janeiro in 2016. & # 39; When it left me, it became a bit of a mourning process. It became the most difficult two years of my life. & # 39; The road from Rio included treatment from the Priory, intervention by the leading sports psychiatrist of his time and a bruise against a personality in British Cycling. But what happened after the Golden Coast?

He explains: & # 39; I did everything else after the Games. I have been partying, drinking and falling off the radar for a while. Then I kept going. I was in denial. & # 39; So how did it happen? Skinner, 26, sits in a Glasgow restaurant, graciously fit and compellingly worded about cycling at full speed in the abyss.

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Ilympic gold was followed by the most difficult two years of his life and a & # 39; mourning process & # 39; mourning process & # 39;

He said goodbye to a glorious career earlier this year. The unintentional words of his statement contain a hint of the greater truth. He spoke about & # 39; making the athlete's experience more human & # 39 ;.

Skinner elaborates on this theme and says: & I feel that I am now in the right place to tell the whole story. I have always been a free public person and I feel obliged to share my experience about how the sporting world lags behind society, the less glamorous side of sport, and its reality. I have a story to tell and I am tired of covering it up with people. & # 39; As a leader of Global Athlete, an organization that wants to improve the rights of athletes, I also want to add corrective staff to a widespread message.

& # 39; I know people who need help & # 39 ;, he says. & # 39; But I recently saw a campaign that advised athletes to talk about their feelings, it was titled & # 39; Let & # 39; s Talk & # 39 ;. I did that. With 99 percent of the people it was fine, people made it terrible. It was a disaster.

& # 39; It is not a responsible message. Not everyone is your friend. Do it with someone you trust. I say this to prevent someone from making a wrong decision. & # 39; The recovery of Skinner began when he spoke with professor Steve Peters, the sports psychiatrist and author of The Chimp Paradox. Peters took over the cyclist pro bono after the cycling body refused to finance the treatment.

& I had been wrongly diagnosed with cancer when I was 18 when I

The Peters Sessions were favorable. the cycling program and Steve was there, & # 39; says Skinner. & # 39; I have done a lot of research and you have no lymphoma & # 39 ;. I was walking around the circuit as if I was dying, but Steve was right, so I had this savior mentality about him.

I went to his house and it was a real stump in his stomach. I wanted him to say "I'm fine". I would like to take a break from cycling. I felt that my world collapsed on me. The weight of his words was enormous. & # 39; The long period of post-Olympic depression had to be tackled

I loved cycling as a hobby, as an escape, he explains.

& # 39; There was a very difficult time when I got these pushy voices when I was on my bike. They told me: "You are nonsense, you are useless, you are afraid of this". This was my safe place. Whatever happened at home or at school, where I was rather shy, I could escape on my bike. But suddenly it became a bit of a prison. & # 39; Peters offered the shine of a delay. & # 39; Things then did a twist & # 39 ;, says Skinner.

& # 39; In one of his many negative comments, I was called to a meeting, he made me feel that it was necessary to explain myself.

& # 39; Everyone takes a gamble to tell how much you have to tell someone to get their insight.

& # 39; I was advised by Steve, my coach, family and doctor to take a break because of my "safety", but the position of this person was: we don't let our athletes 12 weeks of vacation. It was more than two years before the Tokyo Olympic Games

& He had an outdated opinion on what mental health was. I tried to put my problems in bed with that guy. Some people just aren't good people. No empathy, no understanding. I feel that I'm over now.

& # 39; But that meeting was crucial. At that moment I collapsed inside. That was when I decided to delete. At that moment. I would not question my athleticism and work ethic. & # 39; This is how it is now, with Skinner saying: & I started to get better when I decided it was time to stop using energy to become competitive again.

& # 39; It was time to focus on improving the competition. . And it worked. I have had some setbacks along the way, but I am better. & # 39;

& # 39; I remember having this worried thought that I had lost a bit of myself when darkness was lifted & he said. & # 39; There was a part of me that always embraced. But it has been a long process to see any light. & # 39;

& # 39; I think the world of the British bicycle system, & # 39; he says. & # 39; I had the best time of my life there and I met people who will always be my friends. To win an Olympic gold medal with two of your best friends … It's the perfect place to be if you want to be a champion. I don't let an employee tarnish that memory, I don't represent the British cycling I know. & # 39; But he is determined to protect his fellow-worners from unnecessary pressure and adds: & # 39; I am passionate about that. Athletes are people and not goods. I know the reality of an elite program, it's murderous and I respect that. But something has to change in the landscape. & # 39; He reflects on his experience: & # 39; It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I lost a relationship, a successful and above all happy career, commercial opportunities and I made sure that people loved each other. But I realized that I have fought a lot to fight it all my life. However, a doctor told me that I wasn't pedaling. I was drowning.

& # 39; I know myself a lot better. I still make mistakes. I see scores such as the Olympic Games partly as a bandage on what really hurt me. Cycling was my world, but I moved on, changed jobs. & # 39; In the past year he has quickly become a leading reformist-focused athlete; a prominent voice on anti-doping and appeared on TV and radio, talking about politics and culture.

& # 39; I do something new, challenging, exciting, I do something new, challenging, exciting. I have my new Olympic Games.

The effortless recall of that glorious day suggests the love of cycling. & # 39; Of course you do, & # 39; he says. I loved the sport, I loved competitions and I loved my teammates. It was all great until it became a little more ominous.

I still do it, but it is on my terms. I'm still here. I'm still on my bike. It has become my escape again. & # 39; With a smile and perhaps a surprise, he says: & # 39; I feel free. & # 39;

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#Scottish cycling hero Skinner tells how the pursuit of glory led to depression and early retirement"