#SORRY im uhhh. stressed. and mad as fuck about always having to sacrifice my health just to keep my very part time job

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this is just me rambling mostly about myself sorry. but i hate how much it Sucks having a completely invisible and often totally unrecognized+dismissed disability 🥲 like i have non-24 hour sleep-wake disorder and it makes it impossible for me to keep a normal schedule (when ive had to - ie when i attended school, or if i were to work any regular job - id get so sleep deprived i couldnt wake myself up and/or would become too drained to function) but circadian rhythm disorders are full on seen as nonexistent by a majority of the population and those that do know of them often think its just "being a night owl" and you "can just work through it with a little discipline". so access to a diagnosis and/or accomodations is virtually nonexistent and i basically just have to either constantly deprive myself of sleep and permanently wreck my health or just put my entire life on hold for almost a third of every month. and im fortunate enough to have a job that (somewhat) allows me to work flexible hours and generally lets me work only the days im awake to, but because of my disorder being so invisible i know that from the perspective of everyone else there i just look like a guy with unpredictable attendance who comes in at inconsistent times and often only stays for like three hours, with nothing at all that makes it obvious that its because of a fucking disability. so to almost everyone that doesnt intimately know me, for the rest of my life, i will look like nothing but a profoundly lazy and unreliable individual. and it sucks!! and it makes me so mad!!! and its hard to face the fact that even what i CAN do still isnt enough so i constantly have to break my fucking back and put a lot of strain on my body just to meet like what are considered bare minimum standards. im constantly walking on thin ice because there is just no understanding from people of what things are like when you have a lifelong disabling condition that cant be fixed. and i still have it relatively easy! bcos during the times when im functional during the day i have pretty much no issues doing so. but for people with an invisible disability that affects their ability to function or work All The Time theyre Still often held to the same standards as everyone else because of perceptions of what "being disabled" is and basically i just really really hate how society treats invisible disabilities. fuck. its not fair or sustainable its literally killing people

#.pdf #rd #n24 tag #SORRY im uhhh. stressed. and mad as fuck about always having to sacrifice my health just to keep my very part time job #and the fact that nobody else can even see that thats whats happening #sorry long post. i thought about putting it under a readmore but its my own blog and im not gonna make my invisible disability even more so