#RenKazuma

[everything-on-a-bl-bagel]

Tokyo In April Is - Fear, Guilt and Misunderstanding After the First Time

Although Ren did not initiate the offer to have sex with Kazuma, Ren suddenly realizes that Kazuma’s offer might have not been his real choice. He double checks with Kazuma to see if he is truly willing.

Because Ren asked earlier if Kazuma likes girls, he must think his friend is just 'helping him out'. Ren seems oblivious to Kazuma's desire for him.

Kazuma then narrates his true feelings of desire for Ren. He has kept his feelings from showing to Ren as much as he can. In the past he grudgingly answered Ren's question about dating a girl with an officially accepted response of yes.

Kazuma then worries that Ren's First Time was not deserving of the location. Perhaps thinking he himself is not worthy of Ren's First Time.

This realization that Ren's First Time was not worthy of Ren, makes Kazuma cry. He has failed his idol.

Of course, Ren interprets the tears completely differently.

Ren feels that he took advantage of his friend. I am sure the guilt is immense. Then the very next day, Kozuma gets deathly ill. Ren must feel that Kazuma waiting in the rain for him made him sick.

These two occurrences are entwined in Ren’s head. Double the guilt.

Ren does not realize that Kazuma has always wanted him. Kazuma was either really good at keeping his feelings at bay,  or Ren's awareness of others is just as broke as his young gaydar.

Ren spends the next ten years feeling responsible for Kazuma's sickness and taking of of his friend. And the tears after the sex only multiplies the guilt of damaging his friend.

Now, with a second chance, Ren is incredibly cautious.  Ren is avoiding emotional attachment by offering a Friends With Benefits option. That, and the dumb-ass STILL thinks Kazuma is straight?!

#Tokyo in April #Tokyo In April Is #RenKazuma #KazumaRen #Japanese BL #bl Japan