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starryficsfinishwen · 7 months

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✧!。◟[kinktober 2023] ᴄᴏɴꜰᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴꜱ — PGR & GI x reader [week 3]

baptize in your thighs until it hurts

a.n. - waow I'm on my break, what a surprise. I'm super super sorry for the delay. I got busy again after midterms week, and also other real life stuff. meanwhile I'm writing this down while in the bathroom LOL

pairings - forsaken + cerberus [watanabe, noan, noctis, murray] & anemo bois [kazuha, venti] x fem!reader

kinktober masterlist

warnings - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. NSFW THEMES: breeding kink, praise kink, size kink, bimbofication, dacryphilia, lingerie, body worship. cervix fucking?? size kink includes tummy bulging heuheue. also includes exhibitionism (bar; noctis, venti). "just the tip, but whoops" (noctis). some soft sex (kazuha, venti). cunnilingus (venti). fingering (noan, kazuha)

special mention - banners by @/rookthornesartistry, @/cafekitsune

! — Watanabe: Epitaph [ breeding kink ]

[a.n. - have y'all SEEN this man's awakening portrait? I'm creaming.]

Your lover doesn't take “no” for an answer.

“Nngh, w-wait, Wata-ah,” your whines are muffled into the sheets, “s-slow down, please!”

You've long been accustomed to Watanabe's absence— one of the cons for being an ally of Forsaken and especially being their leader's lover. You'd spend days, even weeks and months, find yourself without him. However, you've been an angel to the faction, always helping around whenever one needs help. Things do get different by the time your lover, your Watanabe, comes home—

“That's it, fuck,” mumbled Watanabe, “doin' fucking well,”

He becomes a different person; burying into your cunt as deep as possible, fucking you into oblivion.

Unfortunately, your pleas fall on deaf ears; Watanabe's gloveless fingers trail down from the nape of your exposed neck, to the base of your spine, where your hands are currently tied, holding it down with only a fraction of his strength. His other hand grips hard on your hips, one that you were sure would leave bruises in the morning. You gasp as the sensation, tickling and teasing, overwhelm you.

“I missed you,” he groans, a hard thrust to your pussy, your walls clinging onto his large dick mercilessly. “Ah, ha, I see that this pussy missed me, too.”

“Wa-Watanabe,” you whined further, squirming as he bullies your pussy, “t-too much, s'too big...!”

“But you're taking it so well,” he hums as he leaned onto the arch of your back, one hand now fiddling with your breast, and the other now trailing to your face, “you've always taken it so, so well, darling. That's my girl, mmh?”

Your cries intensified as his free hand finds your mouth, fingers shoved in, and you automatically sucked it, “fuck, yes, that's it...fuck, good, good girl.”

You feel your walls spasm uncontrollably as Watanabe fucks you harshly, certain that his dick snugly rams into your cervix, the drag of his shaft achingly alpng your walls made you feel so full after months of his absence. You cried out, mouth drooling over his fingers, and Watanabe laughs.

“I fucked you so many times now, but you're still so tight; god, you're driving me insane.”

Your brain fogs up at his praise, drowning in the endless waves of pleasure. Without a warning, his cock still deeply inside of you, he flips you over— and you find yourself staring at his green eye.

“Mm, my darling's already fucked out, mmh?” The hand on your mouth now trails to your jaw, and you feel yourself ache as he looks at you so tenderly despite his rough thrusts, “Did you miss me that much?”

“Y-yes,” you mewled, feeling his other hand effortlessly bring your legs over his shoulder, feeling his dick bury itself deeper in you, “W-Watanabe...yo-you're going to break me-”

“Can't help it,” his other hand now frees your tied hands, “not when you looked so good with those children.”

Although your brain is a messy mush, you faintly recall the event earlier— the kids who were at Watanabe's legs, laughing and cheering for their grand hero's welcome. You remember calling them back to you to not distract Watanabe, how you laughed alongside them, and how you carefully took care of them in the main team's absence.

“W-wha-”

“You'd look so good, fuck,” his hand now grips the other side of your hip, the other on your slightly bulging belly and holding it down, somehow aware that his big dick was rearranging your insides, “if I could fill your belly up with kids, mmh? I think you'd look so good carrying our child.”

A part of you wants to point out that you can't, but god— the way his cock was splitting you in half, drilling into that one spot that's making you see so many stars, you forget and instead latch onto his broad shoulders, nails sinking into them.

“Watanabe,” you moaned, your back arching to meet his fast thrusts, “fill me up, please, fill me up so good,”

His body pressed into you, his lips nibbling onto the expanse of your neck, leaving hickies wherever he could reach, while fucking you without a fail.

“Wanna make you a daddy,” you dawdled out, cockdrunk as his dick pulsed inside of you— “fuck and fill me up, Watanabe.”

And oh, it felt so good, too good, when his grunts in your ear makes you shiver all over— the tall tale sign of him coming soon.

“God, fuck,” his fingers reached to rub your throbbing clit, your orgasm cresting over your foggy mind, “cum for me, [Y/N], let me fill you up with my cum.”

You cried out your lover's name as your high comes unexpectedly, with Watanabe unraveling alongside you— his cum filling your empty womb, overfilling you more maybe so as something wet and sticky coats your inner thighs, and him fucking you through your orgasms. Although tired, you whined as you pulled Watanabe back in your bare chest, pouting as he attempted to pull out.

“D-don't,” you whispered, lethargy pulling you to sleep, “don't wanna let your cum out...”

“I missed you, too,” Watanabe chuckles, “but you already know that...”

You pouted, feigning obliviousness, “no. But I do believe in miracles.”

You clench around him, his still-hard dick, and he looks away, his hair covering half of his face. “[Y/N]...”

“Fuck me until I can't walk, Watanabe. Who knows, you just might get me pregnant.”

! — Noctis: Indominus [ size kink ]

Sometimes, you think your boyfriend is a little dumb.

Sure, causing a ruckus and nearly getting you (and Cerberus) in trouble nearly costs half of your mortal life— you're quite surprised you haven't ascended to heaven yet. Although that happens, you still love your boyfriend to bits; knowing that he's just a little dumb boy who needs a little guidance.

Or so you thought.

“N-Noctis!” a moan slips out of your covered mouth, as you felt his cockhead tease the entrance of your slip, “w-what if someone sees us-!”

“So they would,” he groans in your ear, breath tickling you from your neck, down to your wet cunt, “god, I will die if I can't fuck this pussy.”

“Noctis...!” Although you want to reprimand him for being less careful, you can't help but succumb to the way he shallowly thrusts into you. “I-I thought you said-”

“Mmh, just the tip, hngh,” he assures you, leaving little kisses all over your jaw, “I-I promise, it won't take long.”

You dumb ass as a boyfriend is nothing but trouble. You sigh, already feeling full just from his cockhead, “o-okay...just please, make it quick...”

“thank god,” he whines into your ear, hips uncontrollably rutting into you, “i-it won't take long.”

But your boyfriend is kind, loving even— seeing the way your lips curl into crescents, teeth biting into them as you suppress your moans, your closed eyes, pussy gripping onto him like a vice— it almost feels like he's close to drowning. Drowning to the point that he ruts into you like he's running, holding you down further.

You notice this quickly, eyes wide open as he sinks you further into his long and thick cock, tears forming in the corner of your eyes,

“W-wait...!” you cried out, feeling the delicious stretch of your cunt just to accommodate his length, “Noctis, y-you promised!”

Although it's been so many times since you've engaged in such acts, your pussy still struggles to take in everything in Noctis; sometimes, only half of his dick is inside of you. But now-

“shit,” he growled loudly, caging you further as he drills you into the walls, your cries only turning him on as he sees his cock finally nearing to be buried deep inside of you, “such a greedy little pussy.”

Your cunt throbs as a response as you felt him split you open. “Ah, hah, Noctis, p-please...”

“Look at this,” his hands run through the bulge in your stomach, where his cock snugly rests, “I knew you could take it. You're a champ, babe.”

You whined— overwhelmed as he starts to fuck you, the first time that his dick immediately reaches the sweet spots inside of you. Maybe he's not the one who's dumb, but you. It's harder to hold back your moans now, no— not when your boyfriend is now chasing the high alongside you, the pleasure burning your mind.

“Fuck that; don't cover your mouth, baby. Let the whole bar hear how you're only for me, yeah?”

! — Noan: Arca [ praise kink ]

Noan is the prettiest construct you've ever seen in your whole life.

Soft black hair, innocent and careful lime green irises, smooth yet refined jaw— he's basically the whole package. Not only that, you're lucky to have him as your lover.

A lover who's hellbent on getting your praises.

“Good boy,” you cooed, fingers threading through Noan's hair, moans spewing out of your lips as you felt his own fingers toying inside if you, “you're doing good for me.”

Picture this: a lazy Sunday morning, and you're both watching some cheesy telenovela to pass some time before you go back to work tomorrow. At some point, while the casts are busy arguing over trivial issues, clothes have long been forgotten, and your boy is under you, looking confusingly pretty as he plays with your cunt.

You straddle him by the hips, leaning back, pride swelling in your chest as you notice Noan is trying so many things with you. His usual smiling expression is flushed pink, as he looks at you with such interest and curiosity.

“Noan, no,” you whispered, a hand on his cheek, “you're doing so, so good, nngh, I love it when you do this.”

A poor boy, just experimenting with everything new. It could be overwhelming, seeing as he never had any experience, but you think this is the perfect time to try— especially now that you're both horny.

“Fuck,” you cursed as you felt his fingers curls around the spot you've waited, “r-right there, Noan, shit, you're so good...”

Noan wouldn't admit it, but it's true- he's getting too turned on. Just the way you've looked above him, your moans and calling out to him, and just how warm and wet the inside felt. He unconsciously licks his lips as he looked up at you, already feeling so lightheaded just from looking at you.

“[Y/N],” he maintains the pace as he sees you rolling your hips to meet his thrusts, a waterfall of moans crying out his name, “you look so...”

Without a warning, you unravel in Noan's fingers, something wet and sticky coming out of your pussy. Noan keeps his fingers going, even after you came, coaxing whatever liquid was still left inside of you.

That was your first orgasm in front of the boy, somehow, it made the boy's chest throb— was he really that good? To make someone- his lover- come so good like that?

Reality pulls him back, when he felt your fingers wrap itself around his shaft, a lewd and unapologetic moan coming out of his lips. You stared back at him, a small smile on your lips.

“Did you like that, Noan?” You purred, standing a bit so you could slot yourself in between his shaft, making the both of you moan, “you made me cum with your fingers; you're doing so well.”

His dick throbs at the phrase, “i-it's my first time...”

You start to grind on his shaft, eyes rolling back at how long it would be inside of you. “Mm, I'm enjoying it, I really do confess...”

It sparked his interest. Noan shifts a bit, so the prominent vein in his dick perfectly grinds with your trembling clit, “what is, [Y/N]?”

“I think about this situation a lot.” Your grinding becomes rougher, causing the both of you to moan out loud, “god, the thought of you fucking me is so unreal; but here we are.”

He groans as he felt your hands back at his hair, pulling him close as you grinded more on his leaking cockhead now, “that you must look so pretty when you're under me...”

You stood up slightly, one hand now aligning his aching dick closer to your warm hole, “seems like I won't be imagining that now, hm?”

Moaning out his name, you bottomed out in one thrust. Noan gasps in surprise, as he felt your walls tremble with his cock inside of you.

“Look at me, Noan,” you opened your mouth to warn him, one hand tilting his chin to reach your line of vision. “you'll be a good boy and fuck me like this, yeah?”

He groans, but thrusts up, as a response to your order, “y-yes...”

“Good boy,” you cooed once more, bouncing on his cock with a smile on your face as his expression contorts in pleasure, “let me be the one to teach you proper etiquette in fucking me.”

! — Murray: ?? [ bimbofication + dacryphilia ]

If he wasn't being a doting brother to Lee, then he's known to be one of the most calculative and cunning commandants— a well-known fact even that he is Cerberus' esteemed commandant. You wouldn't lie; Murray lived up to all his titles and responsibilities. He's the perfect man for any job you'd ask for: in politics, in the battlefield, and anything else in between.

As a foundation of his existence as an extraordinary individual, another comes into the picture: his pretty, little trophy girlfriend— you. A sweet, sweet little thing; always at his beck and call, always there to relieve him from his stress and sadness. In the eyes of those around you, you're always his support person, giving him hugs and kisses when he's looking down. You also bake pastries to give out around the hall, and occasionally to your lover's team, too. What a pretty, little, sweet thing you were—

Quite literally.

“Do you like the view?” Murray's sinister grin is etched on his face, your eyes nearly close to forming heart-shaped irises, the drag of his dick in between the crevices of your breasts, “you do, you little minx?”

Behind the tasteful eyes of the public, your Murray was not the sweet man they knew; vicious, manipulative, and—

“Yes, yes,” you dawdled out, a shudder across your body as you felt the vibrator slip in deeper inside of you, “that feels s-so good, m-master...”

Murray's favorite little plaything: you. Other than being his doting girlfriend, you were his plaything; dolled up to his preferences, always hungry for his cock.

“Mhm, it does,” Murray fucks between your breasts, his hand finding your jaw and slotting his thumb in between your open lips, “such a good girl for me.”

When he pulls away (you whine from the loss of his heat; he finds it endearing), he slowly pulls out your favorite pink vibrator out of your overstimulated pussy. You cry out, “w-wait, n-no...!”

“Mm? What's wrong?” He teases, mirth dripping from his tons, “do you prefer a poor old vibrator than my cock, dear?”

You whined once more, desperate to feel something fill up your awaiting walls, hole clenching around nothing.

“W-wanna feel you in me, m-master,” you sniffled, tears beginning to form like crystals in the corner of your eye, “I feel so empty, wan' your dick in me, master, please?”

And who was Murray to deny his pretty little plaything; you, sprawled out so beautifully in his bed, pussy aching and drenched in your arousal, little tears escaping your eyes? Murray growls as your tears begin to turn him on, crawling so that his shaft rubs your neglected pussy.

You've both been awfully stressed anyways. But god— he wishes he could keep teasing you until you break.

“Fuck, pretty girl,” he moans your name when the tip of his cock catches your clit, “be good for me, hm? I'm going to start fucking you...”

Without a delay, he slips in his pussy into your wet, warm walls; the instrusion make the both of you cry out. Tears now spill out of your eyes, and Murray ruts into you, without even letting you adjust.

“God, still so tight for me,” he chuckles, watching you squirm as he fucks you harder, “my little girl, my little plaything.”

But you've long descended into heaven, your wordless babbles of "more, more" and "please, more", feeling the drag of his dick now filling you up more than ever.

When Murray feels your orgasm teetering closer, he only hastens the pace, hand over your drooling mouth, as you mindlessly drown in the pleasure he gives, “You'll take more, hm? How about you count the number of times I make you cum tonight; we'll start again if you lose count, okay, darling?”

! — Kazuha: Scarlet Leaves Pursue Wild Waves [ lingerie ]

Kazuha has always been away far too long.

Always traveling to where the winds would take him— you believe that it's really the reason why he has anemo as a vision; he can talk to the trees with only a whisper of the wind— and only comes back weeks or months later.

Although a ring is out of the picture, he once promised his love to you with the call of the wind as your witness. At first, it was stupid; but you loved him that you'd let him go, when the wind was as free as it could get.

To cope with his absence, you started to look for ways to surprise your lover when he comes back. At first, they were little trinkets you'd find by the market, into desserts and food that you can make. Quite recently though, after asking around the married ladies in Liyue harbor, they told you about a secret they'd do when they wait for their husbands at sea: wearing something that their husbands couldn't wait to see them in.

Lo and behold, an autumn-colored lace drapes around your body. Lingerie. Although it's awkward (you've never been entirely confident with your physique), you think that it might look different in your lover's eyes anyway. You prepare to put it away, waiting for the day Kazuha would come home.

Yet, that day seemed to be today.

“Are you trying that on for me, my love?”

You whirled around to meet Kazuha, who was leaning by the doorframe, a gentle smile on his lips. Quickly, you try to grab the nearest clothing to shield yourself from his knowing gaze, “K-Kazuha! You're home early!”

He says nothing, but walks lightly to you. You back away until the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed, and you are left with Kazuha, bodies touching and his face inches away from you.

“I asked you a question, my dove,” he smiles, taking your hand to his lips, “are you trying this on for me?”

You try not to look at his face, guilt and embarrassment making your cheeks flush a deep shade of red, “I-I...was just trying them on...”

“My dove, my love,” he calls out, lips from your hand now trailing to your shoulder blades and to your jaw, a soft kiss there, “why are you so flustered?”

“U-um...”

Words die on your throat, as you felt his hands snake to your hips, guiding you onto the bed, his lips kissing and teeth nibbling on your skin. “You look...very beautiful in it. I know you've always been so beautiful, but in this...you look so...breathtaking.”

You softly moaned at his words and his ministrations, his kiss turning into a hickey in one side of your neck, “Kazuha, I...”

“So beautiful,” he laughs and his breath tickles your skin, your cunt throbbing when his other hand now rests at your inner thighs, massaging it down there, “my pretty dove is dressing up like a gift for me.”

His fingers deftly brush your clothed pussy, a small patch of wetness staining it. Putting light pressure onto where your clit was, Kazuha starts to rub you down there, making you squirm. But Kazuha doesn't mind; he leaves more hickies where his kisses left, his other hand now delicately massaging one mound of your breast.

“I-I wasn't sure if you'd like this...”

“Darling,” he purrs in your ear, making you shiver, “you are a gift to me; naked or not, I will always think that you are so beautiful.”

Pushing your lacey panties aside, Kazuha swiftly slips in a finger inside of you, making you gasp, but he quickly kisses you. His thumb caresses your clit while fingering your little cunt, your moans get swallowed in his kiss. The smell of Inazuman air, sakura trees, and ocean drives you insane— this was your lover, and he was back once more in your arms.

With a loud cry, you come undone in Kazuha's fingers, squirting after such an intense atmosphere. When you've calmed down, you notice a glint in Kazuha's eyes, and you knew that wasn't the end of it.

“I missed you, my dove. Why don't I show you how much I've missed you? Ah; don't take that off, I want to make love with you while you're wearing that.”

! — Venti/Barbatos: Windborne Bard [ body worship ]

Your god is kind; benevolent, unwavering, commited.

His aquamarine eyes glow so brightly than you've ever seen before. Even as he stands before you, a sinner so bare in the eyes of a god—your god— his lips are a sweet smile, and you've known these lips for a long time now.

“My angel,” your god is a lover, voice used for singing ballads and songs of tales, “so, you are here.”

In a cathedral. In Barbatos' throne, where his lyre laid at his feet. You throb at the very thought of sinning in his holy cathedral— stained glass shone by moonlight cast an ethereal glow over the man in front of you as he looked at you with such reverence, you forgot for a moment that you were going to do something so...unholy in this sacred place.

“This is your idea,” you huffed, already feeling conscious as you shuffle in your makeshift bed (your cape and clothes), feeling so shy in your god's presence, “are you sure I won't get sentenced to hell here?”

Venti laughs, settling in between your legs, “relax~ I double checked everything. You needn't worry, my muse.”

You've always known Venti had a penchant for doing so many reckless things— never would have thought that having sex in a cathedral— his cathedral— being one. Venti blows a strong wind to your exposed cunt, causing you to yelp.

“V-Venti!”

“Pretty,” he purred, fingers tracing the inside of your thigh, “my windblume, have I ever told you how pretty you are?”

“Countless times now,” you retorted, “including now.”

“Tsk, I ought to teach you better than that.” He smiles at you, the same aquamarine irises you've fallen in love with glowing brighter once more, “this offer is so tempting, you wouldn't have the heart to deny it.”

“I'd like to see you try, then, my bard.”

Your bard, your god, chuckles. Effortlessly, he hoists your legs up to his shoulder blades, your ankles over his shoulders. You watch as he keeps his gaze at you, sultry and honest, as he kisses the area above your feet.

“My windblume,” he breathed into your legs, trailing kisses without breaking eye contact, “my precious dove,”

He kisses and kisses— your legs, your knees, the back of your knees— and you think of it so endearing, even as arousal pools down there, and his kisses are still so gentle; his fingers would absentmindedly trail your thighs, and his gaze was far too intense, you had to look away.

“My muse, don't look away,” his spare hand finds your jaw, to make you look at him, as he goes down and kisses the inside of your thighs. “let me worship you, the same way you did to me.”

It tugs an unknown emotion in your heart, as you cannot look away; no, when he reverently kisses the inside of your thighs more, near your sopping wet core. It makes you cry out—“Venti,” but he nibbles that area more.

Your god spews words of worship and prayers in between them, your core that throbs at his words. You hold onto his hair, but he remains unfazed, only teasing you more.

“Barbatos,” you cried out, and Venti only smiles down there.

“Yes, call me that, my muse,” he holds onto your hips, as he licks a long stripe of your pussy, tasting you.

“Call your god,” he whispers in between your folds, now hellbent to fuck you with his tongue, “and I'll make you cum.”

Venti is relentless as he tastes you, face buried in between your legs. You moan and cry out his name, archons your witness; but tonight, your god forgets he is a god. Rather— he worships you, a sinner, as he makes you unravel in his touch.

“That's it, my muse,” he hums, coaxing the first orgasm of tonight, “let this cathedral know whose god you're worshipping while I fuck you hard like this.”

please like, reblog, comment if you likey! please don't copy, plagiarize, or translate my work without my permission!

-ˋˏ starryficsfinishwen ˎˊ

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watanabes-cum-dump · 11 months

Text

Big Brother

Synopsis: Lee reflects on his experience as an older brother, both to Murray and the Gray Ravens.

Note: Basically Gray Raven found family + Murray.

AO3 link

I am five when my brother is born.

He’s so small, so fragile, and so loud. But I want to protect him, because mother loves him, and I will too. I will be good for her, and good for him. Father is nowhere to be found, but it’s alright. Me and my brother can be the men in mom’s life.

I am six when he starts to walk, Murray stumbles around grasping at toys with his chubby little hands. He can’t go to school yet, so I still walk alone, but he will join me in a few years. He loves the little robot I made out of pipe cleaners and cardboard, he loves it more than the stuffed cat mom bought for him. She laughs, saying that maybe she should just keep the cat.

Next thing I know, I was nine and my mother is dead. The Punishing virus, of course.

I don’t cry when they burn her body. Because I have to take care of my brother now. Murray can cry because I will comfort him, I will dry his tears. If I cry, who will dry my tears?

It’s not that bad when mom dies. A children’s home takes us in. We still have a roof over our heads, and I can still take care of Murray. He’s alright, making his own toys out of pipe cleaners and cardboard. I’m alright too, because I started to learn about robotics. I’m going to make the best robot for him, so that he’ll always have a friend.

I am ten when Murray is diagnosed with a heart condition. He’s more fragile than ever, launching into coughing fits whenever he exerts himself too much. The medicine is expensive, I dry up mother’s savings to pay for it. I feel bad, because mother said that we could use it to get a bigger place and get better food. But I don’t mind the children’s home, I didn’t mind out tiny apartment either. Not when Murray is with me.

I am twelve when I realise just how much I miss mom. I miss her voice, her touch. I don’t want to have to take care of Murray all the time. Why should I raise him when I’m just a kid? I have school, I want to have friends to hang out with but I have a younger brother who’s always sick. He’s a burden, but one that I am willing to shoulder.

I am still twelve when I get my first job. The pay is low but the old lady running the shop is nice anyways. She gets it, she wants to help me. Her mom died too when she was young, she knows what it’s like. I am too young to work, but the Punishing virus has left the world broken beyond repair. Age just determines your value in the workforce now.

I am thirteen when I forget my mother’s face. I’ve seen so many come in and out of the shop, in and out of the children’s home. Only Murray’s face stays with me. He looks like me but not really. His eyes are bigger, and his lip are thinner. But anyone could tell we were brothers. Morian who is thin but tall with blond hair and blue eyes, and Murray, who is also rather tall for his age with the same hair and eyes as me.

Someone once told me I look like my mother. I am not sure, I don’t remember her.

I am sixteen when me and Murray move out of the children’s home. It’s a small apartment, just like the one I grew up in, but it’s not that same. It’s a shoddy studio with a leaky kitchen sink and the bathroom door doesn’t close all the way. But we make it home. I hang some posters up, and once the bed is messed up and the blinds are crooked, it’s our new home.

I am seventeen when I start doing mercenary work. It’s dangerous, but it pays well enough that maybe I can finally pay for Murray’s heart surgery. I found I’m quite a good shot, though I wish I could just tinker with little robots all day. I don’t like the job, but eventually, I don’t feel anything about it. It’s a means of survival, in this world where death’s shadow never truly leaves, it’s all I can do.

I am not Morian when I work, when I work I am Lee. A blue demon with two pistols and sharp eyes. Lee is cold and efficient, Morian is a warm older brother. Lee is a lone wolf, Morian is always with his family. I think that way I never felt all that bad about the job. Separating myself from Lee made me feel lighter, as if I was just a normal boy. As normal as a boy could be in a post apocalyptic world I suppose.

I am eighteen when I find a way to save Murray. This is it, this is all I’ve ever wanted. A ticket to Babylonia, a ticket to safety and security, and all I have to do is give up my body to Kurono.

So I do.

My heart goes to Murray, finally he has his heart surgery. The rest of my body goes to the wastes. Am I still Morian? Or am I just Lee now? Can Lee be human? I wasn’t sure, it made me uneasy for a while. The idea that I was only Lee now, that I was only the soldier. I could never go back to being an older brother, I could never go back to that little apartment, and I could never remember my mother.

I never turn nineteen.

I am eighteen forever. I am an adult technically but I never really feel like one.

Murray turns nineteen.

Then he turns twenty.

I am younger than my little brother now.

But I still love him the same. I still ask him how he is, I still tease him occasionally and I watch him grow. It’s scary to think that now, there is a possibility that I will be alive when he is not. Or that I could die and leave him alone. That’s what scares me the most, so I try to come back from my missions alive.

I do a bit of a double take when he calls me Morian. He knows I’ve been going by Lee but, to him I’m still Morian. His older brother. I do not know if Morian is still alive, truthfully. Have I replaced him? Is it just Lee now?

Eventually, I left Kurono and joined Babylonia’s task force. My new teammates are Lucia, a veteran soldier who still has the charm of a teenage girl, and Liv, a sweet young medic. They’re both younger than me, which was a bit jarring at first. Liv is sixteen, what has she already seen? And Lucia, how long has she been a construct? Where is her family?

Our leader, the commandant, is an accomplished one. The valedictorian of their class at Faust military academy, and an ace shot. I think they’re just as good as me. The Gray Ravens become my new home in no time.

I would never turn down Liv’s request to help her in her training, and I remain… supportive, of Lucia’s attempts at cooking. They’ve become dear to me, and even the commandant stays close. I know most commandants don’t usually get this close or even think of the constructs in their squads as human, but they do. And it makes me feel like Morian again.

Eventually, I realise that Lee and Morian are one in the same. Sometimes Morian is violent and cold, and sometimes, Lee is soft and welcoming.

HQ is nothing like that rundown apartment, the couch is soft in the commons, and the sink works just fine. There are no blinds to speak of, the sky remains starry at all times of the day. It is always well lit, and it’s always the right temperature. I even have a place to make whatever contraptions my heart desires, and I have the means to repair my clothes.

It’s not that rundown apartment, but it has the same feeling. It feels like home.

Home is wherever my family is. Yes, Gray Raven is my family. I am the oldest, I will dry their tears and help them anyway I can. I am the Gray Ravens older brother, and I have two younger sisters who will never cry, never feel hopeless because I am here for them.

Soon enough, I realise that they will dry my tears too. They will help me, they will take care of me. Because that’s what family does.

I am still eighteen, despite the years that have passed since my reconstruction surgery. But in my mind, I am still a kid. I still get pouty and commandant pokes fun at me for it. I will never truly grow up, I will be stuck in this limbo forever and I will only become even younger than Murray.

I know he works for Kurono now. I know he’s doing shady things, just as I did for him once. I don’t care, I still love him. Because I know he would still love me in spite of the dirt I’ve trudged through. We are both brothers and sinners.

I think he could be a commandant in all honesty, but I think he’s still a little fragile for it. No matter, he makes good money in Kurono, and we even get to hang out sometimes. It should be the other way around, I should be treating my little brother to cool exhibits and arcades. In another timeline, maybe I am.

In another timeline, maybe Lucia, Liv and the commandant are friends from school. In that timeline, maybe mom is still alive and me and Murray can play video games and build little robots together. Maybe dad is there, whoever he is.

In that timeline and in this one, I am their older brother.

I am still eighteen, I always will be. Whether I am the Palefire or the Entropy, I remain eighteen forever, and I remain their big brother.

#Punishing gray raven #pgr #Pgr lee #Pgr lucia #pgr liv #pgr fanfic #PGR Murray #Gray Ravens #Now time to write smut now that I’ve gotten all the feelsies out :D

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