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[mubal4]

Life Lessons – From Time on the Trails

 Back in October, Halloween to be exact 😊, I wrote this blog on life lessons I learned from wrestling.  Around that same time, I had two other ideas in mind about sharing life lessons I’ve been fortunate to learn from other moments in my life.  They have both been sitting in my notes to get to and today, as I had one of those quite moments all to myself, while reading, I was reminded about one of those items.  I believe the title is spot on but the content will share thoughts about running, specifically on trails and in ultramarathons, but just getting out, into nature, in the mountains, and how, what’ve been able to glean has carried with me over the last several years.  As I am thinking about how this will go, my mind shifts to timing really; so, let’s begin with running in general.  That started when I was in middle school probably.  Well, let’s talk about really running though because in youth sports, football & wrestling specifically, we ran to get in shape and stay in shape.  It was probably around 8th grade where I started running, almost daily, outside of practices.  That process continued through high school and college with the same purpose in mind, get in shape/stay in shape for wrestling.  I can probably say for about 14 years following college graduation, full transparency, I ran 3-5 times per week just so I can eat what I want and drink a lot of beer 😊.  Just being honest here.  Yes, I did enjoy running and staying in shape and there were some moments, usually a meal a day, that I stuffed some salads in my head but I was likely managing 20-25 miles per week, usually on a treadmill at a gym, running to stay in shape and eat/drink as I wished. 😊  Still funny to think back about that time.  I was in my 20’s/early 30’s, living as if I had not many responsibilities, then got married and things got somewhat real right!  My running/lifting continued but at this point, not with much purpose other than to still stay in shape and eat & drink beer.

 It was right around winter of 2010-2011 where, for some reason, I decided to sign up for a Tough Mudder.  I can’t remember why I did it; maybe my boss/friend at the time gave me the idea, but I though that running 13-ish miles and doing a bunch of obstacles in the woods, in the snow, would be cool.  So, I started training for it and my typical 5-8 miles runs when to 10-13-mile runs.  This was going to be the furthest I had run since high school cross country.  This training led me from Tough Mudders to the Spartan Death Races and those 10 or so mile runs grew to 15-20-mile runs.  Up until this point however, most of those runs, sadly to say, were on treadmills.  Maybe a couple of times a month I would get out on the roads but that was it.  In the summer of 2011, because of what we thought was necessary to compete in these races, I felt the mountains was where I needed to be.  Living in the suburbs of Philly at that time I thought I was screwed.  However, with a little Google search I found a bunch of trails 3 miles from our house and, that magical place where this whole trail running journey began, The Appalachian Trail, about an hour drive away. From June 2011 through June of 2018, for seven years, the Wissahickon Trail and Appalachian Trail served as a training ground for me and where I started to completely fall in love with being out on single track trails, climbing, hiking, and running hours on end.  

 Here is where the timing aspect comes into play and I believe had a significant role on the impact trail running has had in my life the last decade.  See, right around the end of 2009, beginning of 2010, as I’ve shared in this blog many times, I realized I needed to be better.  I had to make a change, to be a better husband, father, and human being; for my wife, my girls, and everyone that I am blessed to connect with.  It is a long story, but I had a mission and was fortunate to have the awareness to start on this journey that will continue throughout my life. What were those changes? At that point I had no idea other than I needed to do shit differently; not everything, but a lot.  So I began getting out of my comfort zone and doing the tough stuff that I tried to avoid in the past; essentially, I did the stuff that I didn’t like to do at times I didn’t want to do them.  Nothing magical!!  What is ironic, getting out on a mountain for several hours in extreme cold, or burning heat, with things hurting and my not wanting to be there, became something I fell in love what.  Kinda sick and twisted but my point in sharing that backdrop is that running, and specifically to me, trail running became incredibly instrumental in my healing, cleansing, transformational process.  Sure, there are many times today that I don’t love it, I don’t want to go do it, it is hot/cold…. insert complaint here!!! But, once I step onto that trail, I hear my feet it that dirt, my lungs are hurting from a climb and my quads are burning, then you hit that peak and are able to look around at the beauty; everything stops!!  And, when you are finished there is that sense of gratification!

 I first started realizing this in 2012 and it has become addictive.  There were times back then, and still today, where I am not able to get out on the trails for a couple of days and I kinda go through a withdrawal.  It is wonderful and weird at the same time.  In 2015 I decided, with the help of someone particular 😊, to do my first ultra-marathon; a 50K in Reading PA.  I had no idea what to be in store for and didn’t know what to expect. I felt that being able to run for 31 miles in the woods and mountains would be awesome but also hard as hell; and this race didn’t disappoint in those areas.  What I didn’t realize was the culture of this sport, which again, has become incredibly addicting.  The people are awesome!  Over the last 5 years I have been fortunate to GET to race a bunch of ultra-marathons, as well as, train, and just run/hike in a bunch of ultra-marathons in some pretty epic locations.  Sure, there are times when I dread heading out because it is going to be a trail/course that I’ve done countless times.  Those first couple of miles you are thinking that this sucks, I got shit to do, I don’t feel like doing this, my knee feels wonky; all sorts of shit brews up in your mind.  Then you hit that first climb and all those thoughts subside and you are focused on climbing.  Then you get to the top & you breath it all in.  Epic!!  There are those other times, where you just go with no expectation, no particular destination, no specific trail, you just run.  Those are the best ones and that is so awesome about running; you don’t need much to do it; slap on a pair of shorts, a shirt, socks, shoes, and go…. some folks don’t even wear shoes 😊.  But there is a lesson, LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS.  

 I have learned, whether it is a training run or a race, when I don’t have an expectation and just set out to enjoy the day, have gratitude that I GET to do this, that is when it is most fulfilling. That is something that is so important in life because it works the same way.  When I wake up in the morning, and it is rare to be honest, that I don’t have my mind racing on what I “need” to do today or what “has” to get done; and my attention reverts to gratitude to be up and moving and all the things I “GET” to experience today; those are the best days.  IT IS HARD AS F#%& to have that outlook just some of the time; I don’t know anyone that has it every day.  It is a constant battle but so fulfilling when it happens!  That’s the beauty of this process that keeps unfolding and that we get to continue learning how to be better, do things different, and grow.  I’ve learned that if you just keep going, you will eventually get to where you want to go.  This is just perseverance and not giving up.  When it means something to you, when you have desire to finish that run, race, business venture, painting, whatever it is, if you just keep moving forward and work a little each day on it, eventually you will get it done. Like running 100 miles, it is one step at a time………or, like that popular saying, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.  I’ve been caught, like so many others, when tackling something big, by getting lost in the enormity of it all.  I don’t think anything is that big and anything is attainable; one step at a time.  Sure, it gets lost, a lot, and I tend to not be a very patient person a times 😊 (not comments Robin, Alaina, Isabella 😊).  But trail running has taught me more patience, perseverance, and just how much we, us, as human being, how much we can take.  There are so many times in training and races, and in everyday life too, where I JUST DON’T WANT TO DO IT!! Or, I just want to stop. All the fear, uncertainty, and doubt seeps in and you begin questioning the meaning.  How far do I have to go? My knees, quads, feet, etc. hurt.  I am tired.  It’s too hard.  What the hell am I doing this?  All these come into our mind no matter what mission we may be on.  But there are so many times we continue to move forward, left foot, right foot.  We get frustrated, angry, and disappointed maybe because in that hour, day, or year; we haven’t gotten to be where we expected to be in that period.  Let go of those expectations because they are all arbitrary timelines, we set for ourselves and in reality, they are bullshit.  It really means nothing.  I get caught up when a race is coming up in “runner math.” Thinking about pace, distance, time, and what I think would be a cool time to finish running this particular distance in.  “Well if I can do this pace for this long and factor in the climbs, downhills, yada, yada, yada……” It doesn’t mean anything really, but, if I can get across that finish line healthy, grateful, with great people I’ve connected with, I have a story to tell. Don’t get me wrong, I get wanting to finish a race in a certain place or time, but that is that person’s mission.  Not mine and the funny thing is, whether you finish a race 1st, 20th, 150th, or last – all the dark moments and the questions outlined above still come up.  That is the great thing about this sport, about trail running, yeah there are times that differentiate you but the experiences you realize can be incredibly similar.  It is all what you want to get out of it and when you let go of those expectations, at least in my experience, is when it is most fulfilling.  

 Many times, out, again, race or run, I seem to learn something new about me, my surroundings, my body, my life.  The thoughts that come up when you are alone on a trail in the middle of nowhere can be mind-blowing, sometimes scary, sometimes incredibly weird. I’ve thought about shit from 30 years ago and had no idea how that thought came into my head.  At that point is when you catch a toe and fall on your face 😊, good times right there.  I am not solving the world’s problems when I am out there, but I do have instances where I gain perspective on situations.  Maybe I could have handled a situation with our family or at work differently.  I could have used different language or word choices when having that conversation.  A blog or podcast idea or a different way to attack our finances or business ventures next week? Could be as easy as what I think we should all do for dinner this week.  Or, the one’s that I particularly enjoy, you think about that one person that you haven’t connected with in a while, stop, snap a picture and send them a text saying, “just thinking about you.”

 My intent is not to inspire you to start running. I wanted to share this because I was fortunate to find something that I am passionate about, that positively impacts my journey, mission, my health, and helps me cleanse and heal.  For me it just so happens to be trail running. Most importantly, from my perspective, it is directly related to our life’s journey.  I can also say that I’ve seen how this sport has impacted many in the same manner.  I don’t know what “that thing” is for you that will enable your healing and keep you moving on your journey.  My hope is that we all have the ability and awareness to find it and the courage to take the first step to implement it.

 “Those destined for greatness must walk alone in the desert.” – Winston Churchill

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