#Littlecritter35 writes something
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I’m dumb, please read
swg
i'm asking my sister again for bachelorette party ideas
what all she wants
and she's just like /that's your job!/
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uuuuuh
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bitch i'm asking how big you want it
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Take her to vegas
On the cheapest airline
swg
and so i told her if she doesn't give input then she's getting penis themed everything
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Get the sketchiest party bus
With a really old male stripper
swg
perfect
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stay in a rickety motel that definitely has bed bugs in literally everything and probably has a dead body in at least five of the rooms
Maybe all the same dead body, just, you know, chopped up
The front desk person is some woman with a huge ass mole on her cheek in a really unattractive spot, with at least three long hairs sticking out of it
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.......
i owrry
worry
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Or she's just tried to trim them, so they're these sticky, poky hairs just jutting out of her cheeks
With obviously fake red hair that is in the worst of the 80s perm style or whatever
Blue eyeshadow and sallow skin
The place smells perpetually of smoke and piss, and you're pretty sure that it's just a front for hookers
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Christ
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It's a pay by the hour place, but it costs less and less the longer you stay, so you're like "what the hell? We'll stay for a few days" and it ends up costing about 10 a night.
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how much have you thought about this
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But when you actually get there, Erin gives you this horrified expression. You're just like "Just give it a chance." You find out more and more about this ramshackle motel, and Erin keeps giving you more and more concerned looks. You just tell her "Give it a chance" but you're more and more uncertain yourself.
That's when one of the bridesmaids find the foot
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how much have you thought about this
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You pull Erin to the side like "Yeah, I know this kind of sucks, maybe you should have given me some input, I'm poor as fuck, but you know what? THere's a mystery afoot"
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i hate you so much
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She looks at you and says "Fucking really?" and you just innocently look at her like "What?"
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So, on the first day, you run around Vegas doing typical Vegas things. Like, taking in the rampant consumerism that comes from a city whose economy is based entirely in sin. You have to visit several churches, because Sandra can't handle all of this. She has to pray and ask for forgiveness.
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there's no sandra in the party
that i know of...
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After a while it gets tiresome, and Priscilla yells at Sandra, "If you had to constantly derail everything with your constant praying, maybe you shouldn't have come in the first place???"
Sandra's eyes well with tears, she's so betrayed by Priscilla's sudden cruelty. "I'm sorry that I'm just so much closer to God and Jesus than you are, but maybe if you just--" "Jesus Christ Sandra, get off your fucking high horse!"
The wedding party is in shambles
You, as the maid of honor, desperately try to refocus everyone. You still had three more days of this. How could you save the wedding party?
swg
which reminds me
i do have a bruise from last night
but it's like
dark, small, and faint
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You manage to sooth Sandra enough to keep her from rushing to the airport and taking the first plane back to Florida. She'd come all the way out here. She hasn't seen Erin in over a year. They'd been best friends since elementary school. Would she really throw away this friendship that easily? Sandra nodded her head slowly. Mesmerized by your blue eyes. She stares at you a little too long. You glance to the side uncomfortably. You need to move the party on.
swg
so sandra is actually emilie
who's husband is going to be stationed in japan...at some point this year so they're moving and isn't going to be in the wedding
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Sandra looks off into the distance, hiding the pain she feels, because she hasn't told Erin about the move yet. She hasn't said how she'll be going across the ocean before the wedding, and trans-ocean flights are really expensive and long, so she won't be there for Erin on the most important day of her life. The..... sequel she guesses? "Marriage, the weddening"
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You all walk down the strip, which is way less interesting during the day. You go to a fancy restaurant where there are chippendale (how spell?) dancers as waiters. Priscilla is delighted, and after a few shots of tequila, Sandra is shyly excited
Everyone has a few too many drinks (or just the right amount ;D ), so everyone stumbles out of the restaurant. Sandra is clutching a piece of greasy paper reverently, a phone number scrawled across it.
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After that you had a pretty good day, considering the Las Vegas day life isn't all that interesting. At about three, you all go back to the motel to take a quick power nap, and sleep off the alcohol at least a little bit. That's when Stacy found the foot. You knew how to save the party. Mystery shenanigans.
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Everyone was too frightened to be in the motel, especially when they called the police, they just laughed and said "Yeah, that happens all the time there" before hanging up on Erin. You usher everyone out and you go to a casino to kill some time. Go to one of those washed up daytime shows. Everyone starts to relax a little. Stacy just looks at everything with a fifty yard stare. You look at her in concern, knowing that she will never unsee what she saw that day. It was a pretty productive first day, you figure. You somehow manage to convince everyone to go back to the hotel, but only after everyone decided to sleep in the same room after looking through everything and making sure there are no more dead body parts. All seven of you cram into the the small room, and somehow fit three people on the two twin mattresses. Erin takes the couch, because that one seemed to have the least amount of bed bugs, and it's her trip, right? So she shouldn't be crammed into a bed with two other people. Everyone nodded, agreeing that was the best solution. Anyone else could sleep on the floor.
No one slept well.
The next morning, which, let's be honest, is at three in the morning, because everyone slept like shit. You ushered Erin over and told her about your idea to get to the bottom of this mystery. A productive way to find closure. Erin looks at you uncertainly again. You nod your head exuberantly. This would be exactly what the wedding party needs.
You figure the best way to start would be to question the day desk person. A significantly younger and much prettier woman, but with that same odd mole. You figure she must be the other woman's daughter. You lean up against the desk conspiratorially. You begin to grill her about what happens in the motel. Slyly. She'll never guess your true purpose. Erin looks at you with a dumb expression on her face.
"Are you trying to ask me if people get murdered in this motel regularly?" the woman asks eventually. She's giving you a glance over her glasses, taking you in with a sneer. You realize the look on Erin's face had been befuddlement. You cough and change the subject immediately. "So, if what sort of things do you do around here for fun? /murderer says what?/" "I'm not falling for that." "Dammit! Ok, but really. What is there to do during the day?" "I don't know. Strip clubs are open all day? They don't pay me enough to answer these questions." She then promptly ignores you, opens her phone, and scrolls through tumblr or something. It's full of porn.
"Ok, we have lulled her into a sense of complacency. We can explore the entire motel and she'll be none the wiser." "perfect," Erin says sarcastically with a very impressive eye roll.
sweg lyf
Mole placement is hereditary
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The first door you try opens easily. There's a couple sleeping in there. You look at each other in horror. The security in the place is awful. You enter the room anyway and start investigating. You find a dismembered ear. You steal the plastic lining from the ice bucket (even though there's no ice machine. Why did they need an ice bucket. You decide not to dwell on it.) and collect the ear as evidence. You scuttle back out of the room.
You make your way through the rooms, finding more and more grisly evidence. You look in mild horror (mild, because at this point, you've been so desensitized to murder that it doesn't bother you anymore) at the frankensteinien monster before you. You arrange the pieces into the semblance of a body. The parts had to have come from six different bodies. It made a total body but..... not a whole body.
"Shit, this goes deeper than we thought" you say as you look at the pieces. Stacy wakes up, looks at you and Erin in a half asleep and very hung over stupor, looks down at the macabre display you had compiled on the floor and screams in bloody murder. Everyone else wakes up, sees what's on the ground, and the room becomes its own tiny version of Bedlam. There's screaming, shouting, Antoinette is pulling at her hair while looking at the pieces. Only Genevieve, who's a forensic scientist looks at your creation in interest.
Everyone except for Genevieve decide that they've had enough of this trip. They were going home. Now. You try to convince them all to stay. You swear that this will bring all of you closer! It will be the best! Antoinette just glares at you and says she's only in the wedding party because she's the groom's sister. She doesn't even like Erin. Stacy gasps. "But Erin is the kindest person!" "Yeah, well, maybe I don't like nice people?" Antoinette is the first to storm out. She doesn't even bother gathering her things. You decide that's probably for the best really. Everyone else leaves, including Genevieve. You look at Erin with questioning eyes. Would she leave you too? She just shakes her head and tells you that she won't leave you to do this alone. Although she doesn't know what this is.
You decide what you need to do is enter a closed, government facility to illegally use some lab equipment. You'll use the equipment to study the DNA and match them with a database and find out who these poor people are.
You get to the room with the necessary equipment (after a few failed attempts, an awkward chance encounter with a couple in a broom closet, and a very friendly security guard who doesn't even question two young women wearing clothes that are probably infested in bed bugs and clearly hadn't been taken off since the day before). As you step in the lab there's a feeling in your gut that this is the right room. Also the sign says "DNA testing laboratory" which is also a good indication.
You also realize that you don't know how to fucking use anything in there.
Neither does Erin.
You look at each other a little bewilderly, look down at your bag o' parts, and leave the facility, your mission failed.
*bewilderedly
On the way back to the hotel everything goes black. You wake up in a completely empty flight hangar. You look around in terror, trying to spot Erin, but she's nowhere around. You murdered your sister. Maybe not literally, but your actions got her killed. That's the only thing that could have happened.
A man sits on a folding chair a little ways away, but directly in front of you. He's rifling through some cards, your wallet discarded on the ground near his feet. He's clearly supposed to be an imposing presence, and it works. You try to shake the ropes free, but you can't escape. You shrink into yourself and watch him in hopeless terror.
"Emily Bacon. From Iowa?" He glances over at you. You nod your head vigorously, hoping that if you do, he'll let you go alive. "24 years old, a former student at UNO in Nebraska. Is that where the Cornhuskers are from?" He asks, the innocuous nature of the question throwing you completely off. "They're from Lincoln," you mumble nervously. A niggling feeling of anger worms it's way into the forefront of your psyche though. Why don't people realize there's more than one University of Nebraska? You must have said that out loud, because the man holds his hands up as though to defend himself from your words and gives you a very disarming smile. "Sorry, I didn't realize."
"So, you've been poking around in some business that I really don't need you poking around. I have a really nice business going here. The cops don't sniff around that motel much, and tourists never want to stay there, because we managed to give it -5 stars. So, how did you, Emily from Iowa who went to University of Nebraska in Omaha, end up there anyway?"
You tried to answer, but words didn't come out.
"Are you from some sort of sting operation meant to catch me? Are you with the FBI?" He looks at you with an intensity that made you cringe. You shook your head vigorously.
"It ended up being $10 a night," you whisper. The man drums his fingers on his legs and gives you a considering look. "We should really change that algorithm." You look at him dumbly as he thinks over the logistics of running a money laundering front for prostitution, pimping, and murder.
"You didn't happen to go to school for business management or accounting, did you?" He asked you with that sudden change that completely threw you off. You shook your head slowly. "Well, in that case, I don't really need to keep you around, Emily from Iowa." He stood, bracing his hands on his knees and casually walked away. Two forms came up from behind you suddenly. You cringed from the two people in horror.
They were.
Stacy and Antoinette.
Huge smiles on their faces.
Erin followed them. She looked like the cat who had gotten the cream.
"ERIN????" You scream in horrified fury.
"You must have a lot of questions," Erin said calmly, that smug grin still plastered on her face.
"YOU WERE BEHIND ALL OF THIS????"
"Antoinette hacked into your business transactions to see what you were planning. So we decided to mess with you. The motel you chose was the perfect setting for a murder mystery. Almost too perfect, actually. So we actually ended up buying out all the rooms in the hotel, planted very realistic, but fake body parts. From there, we just let you go. I was super impressed that you managed to get into the government facility, because that was all you. I really don't know how you did that."
"So then after that, we set this interrogation up, scared you a little, and that's the end of the story.'
"Are you shitting me? Are you literally shitting me right now? Am I a literal pile of shit on this fucking chair--SOMEONE CUT ME OUT OF THIS CHAIR!!!" Someone releases you from your bonds. Sandra, you think? You stand up and very dramatically stalk toward Erin, all rage and frustration, using those emotions to wind your hand back and slap that bitch right across the face with all your strength. Everyone is stunned.
Anyway, that's how you should plan the bachelorette party
I'm going to print this off and leave it scattered throughout the house
Maybe bind it?
Make a tiny little novel
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