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thisdreamplace · 1 year

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Hi :)

I wanted to ask you what you'd do in my situation. Last year I started working while also studying engineering in college. It turns out that I was quickly burnt out and started doing a shitty job both at my uni classes and at my job, which I hated because I'm a perfectionist. I failed many classes and unfortunately the kind of career I want requires a degree, and this year I thought the wisest thing to do is leave my job. The decision has been made and my parents are open to support me, but I'm scared. I got so used to my financial freedom and now I'm not only scared about my finances but also other areas of my life, I'm freaking out 😭 my boyfriend and I are in a LDR and my parents will never give me money to visit him lol and like I know he could visit me but that is making me feel so guilty, like it's unfair and I wouldn't be bringing anything to the table. I'm seriously freaking out. This is the kind of situation in which most people in the community would say that "circumstances don't matter" but ugh, they matter so much to me right now. I'm feeling like I want to isolate :( but I also like... really need to quit the job and endure anything that happens until I graduate. This is making me hate uni so much :((( I'm even worrying about sunscreen, that sh** is so expensive

hello <3

so much of your frustration is coming from this need to control, this need to see how everything works out right now. but everything is going to work out, and this is the moment where you let go and relax into all of those uncomfortable feelings of the unknown and let it be as such, knowing that it all works it outself out. so i guess, in other words, i would focus my energy on relaxing into the unknown tbh. what else is there to do ? worrying so much isn't solving your problems. and you could be putting your energy into love. like, making comments such as you would feel bad if your own bf came to see you and you bring nothing to the table ?........... does he only love you because what you can produce in this world ? or does he love you for being yourself ? i think that, he would be understanding of your situation and that wouldn't be an excuse to stop you from being together. and that you could spend more time realizing existing is your right to be loved, and to be taken care of. not only by him, but by this entire world. by god. yourself.

and i get it, because i couldnt keep saying "circumstances dont matter" after a certain part, not the way its said anyway. circumstances dont matter in that way that, this moment, this phase in life is fleeting and it's not your forever. so i would honestly focus on what i want to, doing what i can to make it through this less desirable time. it matters, because you feel it inside yourself but, it's not your end. it's not your forever, so remember that. i understand your battle right now so much, but i promise you things always work out. even if it doesnt seem like they are, they always are. so this is your chance to take the opportunity life is presenting you, to take a step back, let go of control, and trust in what's happening next. you're choosing to put your education first, and there's a lot of good in that. embrace putting yourself first here, and allow all those ideas of problems to fall away, becoming what they may in the meantime. it's simply not your job to grasp on so hard here. that only makes it more painful. i truly believe that life presents these moments to us, to give us an opportunity to trust in true love (taking care of all areas of your life, the god within who carries you through it all) and stop being controlled by fears.

anyway, i hope this is helpful and makes sense <3 im rooting for u dear anon ! xo

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