#Kinn baby - once again I am offering you a hug or shoulder Pats or whatever r

[i-got-the-feels]

Kinn, Porsche and Introspection via Reflections

Kinn is someone who is, rather has learned to become someone who doesn't let himself feel emotions because his father expects him to do so, because when he previously felt emotions and let his guard down - he was betrayed (screw you, tawan)

But he is still human, so those emotions sneak in. Even without him wanting to.

And it's no surprise it happens because of Porsche - a person who he met in a long time who isn't fake with him, openly expresses his dislikes and disagreements, openly expresses how he hates he is dependent on his money. But just because he respects Porsche doesn't mean he trusts him - so he doesn't let Porsche in.

That's seen in how the first time they are in front of reflective surface - Kinn is the one to push porsche away when Porsche continued looking at Kinn.

Next time we see Kinn and a reflective surface is after the kiss at the peir. He doesn't dare look too long into the mirror because if he does he will have to face the eye of cyclone that's his feelings and acknowledge that he feels for Porsche and against all odds hopes and believes he and Porsche can make it.

Especially after the conversation at the peir where porsche sees Kinn - not Kinn Theerpanyakul-the mafia boss but Kinn - a man who has to everyday kill the person he is inside to be a good son and good brother. And porsche kissed him back after seeing that pain and hurt - instead of running away, he kissed him back. So of course Kinn cannot simply cannot look inside himself and face his feelings

But Porsche has no qualms in doing so. He has no problem looking inside at how he is feeling. When he is drugged and even when he isn't - he honestly asks Kinn if he likes him, hell baits and goads him (he does this even when he isn't drugged - come on, go ahead and do what you want) and when Kinn doesn't kiss him properly and reciprocate HE SHOWS HIM how he is feeling and what he wants.

It's easier for Porsche to be open with Kinn that it is for Kinn because Porsche is open with himself.

And that courage gives Kinn some courage to look inside at what he is feeling-at least when Porsche is with him because now he trusts him. Porsche is the same man who took his brother who hasn't left home out of house and ensured he had a good experience. Because Porsche shot someone to save Kinn without thinking even though he knows how much he hates the job. Because Porsche called out Big for invading Kinn and his guests privacy and possibly using his sexuality as a bait for his petty revenge.

So when Porsche is around, Kinn looks inside and acts and accepts how he feels, even if a part of him knows that this isn't the best way to act on his feelings.

And when he gets a reminder of it from his father, he again closes off until he is litreally forced to look at himself - to see his choices and their consequences, to deal with how they made him and the man he loves feel. But this time- he doesn't act on it, he regrets how he acted on it once and crossed the line with Porsche so this time - he will draw firmer lines and replaces him as his bodyguard.

Again, Porsche needed no such push for him to acknowledge he is hurt and disturbed by what happened, how he is angry that kinn isn't communicating, how he is afraid of his feelings for Kinn. He acknowledges and accepts that he feels miserable and tired does his best to comfort himself (apo, sweetie, your acting in this scene deserves ALL the awards)

Cut to now - Kinn has acknowledged how he feels and Porsche knows how Kinn feels. He screamed it when he told him to go and live his dreams. He screamed it when he asks do you want to call your brother. He screamed it when he repeatedly said please come back to me after the mission.

So Porsche knows how Kinn feels and assumes Kinn knows too - because like he said "Well, I am lying down here. You still need to ask that?" so when Kinn doesn't trust him and calls him a whore because of Vegas of all people - someone who Porsche was repeatedly warned to stay from because he doesn't trust him, Porsche is hurt and angry at Kinn and at himself for loving him.

And Kinn understands that - that is why this time without Porsche pushing him, he looks into himself and apologises for what he did. He lets his walls down for Porsche. He does what he has always wanted to do with those walls, break them apart and let's Porsche in.

But just because he found the courage to let him in- doesn't mean he isn't scared that he in fact did let him in, because know he has to think of some sort of walls that probably have to be built again, probably with Porsche and that means pulling Porsche deeper into the world and how to do that without hurting Porsche isn't something Kinn knows and that's why he cries - all the fears, hopes, love, wishes and dreams. He cries for them. He cries because of them. He cries because in a long time he feels free. And the man who made him feel free will probably feel more trapped in Kinn's world - if he decides to continue staying by his side and selfishly Kinn hopes Porsche chooses to stay ( also, Mile, darling, I hope you get ALL the awards for this scene)

#kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #kinnporche #kinn x porsche #kinn anakinn #kinn theerapanyakul #porsche pachara #mile phakphum #apo nattawin #igtf edits #My gifs #The way I made myself emotional while writing this meta #Kinn baby - once again I am offering you a hug or shoulder Pats or whatever r #Let me just comfort you #Porsche sweetie - flying kisses and hugs for you