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evolutionsvoid · 6 years

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As an experienced natural historian, I have dealt with a wide variety of flora and fauna that can be found throughout our world. I have studied Great Mottled Caecilians in the rainforests, traveled with Trolls across great mountain ranges and nearly froze my roots off trying to track Arctic Wolf Fleas across the icy tundra. Not to praise my own petals, but many see me as one of the top researchers in this field. Despite all that, though, I have to question if I am qualified to even write an entry on such a species. While I could write about anatomy, behavior and reproduction of other species with ease, these creatures defy a lot of things I am used to. Honestly, I don't even know if I completely understand how their anatomy works! A part of me thinks that a mage would be better suited for such an entry, but I will do my best to tell you about these strange creatures. I probably know just as much about Sphinxes as the next guy does. The first thing to note about Sphinxes is that they do not appear to have a preferred habitat or environment. This is due to the fact that they seem to not even live on the same plane of existence we do. Much like the Aelf, they appear and disappear at will, showing up without rhyme or reason. This is baffling and frightening to many because Sphinxes are pretty big. They reach the same size as some dragon species, making them quite intimidating when they happen to appear in the middle of town. They are quadrupeds, preferring to walk about on all fours, strutting about with the elegance and ego of a really big cat. That is honestly the closest comparison you could have between a Sphinx and an existing animal, they act like giant cats. The way they walk or jump, the way they stretch when they are tired or bored, the way their tail swishes about without a care and the way they gain entertainment from the suffering and despair of others. It's kind of unsettling how close those two match.

While this comparison may make one assume they are just big dumb cats, one must realize that Sphinxes are incredibly intelligent creatures. Their knowledge blows scholars and mages out of the water, which is surprising when they drop an incredible piece of wisdom with the nonchalance of someone ordering gravy off a menu. Though one may appear on the southern continent, they can easily tell you about things out east as if they had just finished vacationing there. It is obvious that I bring up the riddles and puzzles that they so enjoy, which attests to their knowledge. One thing to know, though, is that they are not all-knowing. As legends and encounters say, there are things Sphinxes do not know, they just happen to know a lot. You won't trip them up with common knowledge, you will need to delve deep into a subject to start finding things they haven't learned yet. On the subject of riddles, it is time we bring up the motives of this species, or what we think is a motive. History has seen several famous Sphinxes appearing over time, each different from the last, but each sharing some common themes. Some Sphinxes have terrorized the countryside, deploying deadly puzzles and devouring the losers. Others have created great lairs and dungeons in which they rule and hoard. Certain encounters have had some showing up to toy around with people, speaking of riddles and puzzles but not eating those who come up empty. It is a strange spectrum of behavior, ranging from voracious tyrant to bored, playful titan. The one theme we can find that connects them is entertainment. Saying it out loud is a little weird, but that is the best we can come up with. Sphinxes who show up in our world seem to be looking for some kind of amusement. Much like how each person has different hobbies, each Sphinx has different ways to amuse themselves. As I mentioned before, some may become monsters who ravage the lands and take entire towns hostage as they play the role of some demented tormentor, while some find fun in bamboozling people with riddles and tricks. Intricate lairs and dungeons formed in mountains and valleys may be an enjoyable hobby to one, as they take pleasure in making elaborate traps and thwarting eager treasure hunters and monster slayers. It all depends on the individual who arrives. So if a Sphinx appears outside your town, pray that it is one who prefers logic puzzles over the taste of human flesh. Though not every Sphinx is a destructive monster, each is well equipped to take down foes (prey is probably a better word, though). Their sheer size and strength already makes for a tough fight, but their intelligence and magical abilities makes slaying them an extraordinary feat. Their magical prowess allows them to unleash devastating spells and they are clever enough to use such powers to create traps and set ups that can take down foes before they even realize their mistake. Though large, they are quite fast, which combined with their size allows them to turn their bodies into battering rams. Their tails are prehensile and can act much like a boneless arm, slapping away foes or snaring them in its grip. The "wings" they possess are tipped with venomous barbs which can paralyze the muscles of those they sting. These stingers are often employed by Sphinxes who enjoy playing a deadly game of riddles. When one fails to answer their riddle, the stingers will whip down and paralyze them, allowing the Sphinx to devour them with ease. Speaking of eating, that mouth is another thing you have to watch out for. With broad, cracking teeth, they can crush metal and stone within their jaws. An odd thing to point out is that the huge mouth on their chest isn't used for talking. Instead, their voice seems to come from the organic vents that are positioned below their eyes. It's quite bizarre. Also, to top it all off, Sphinxes have the ability to create portals out of thin air. With a mere thought, they can open up a gate between places and stroll from one land to another in the blink of an eye. These portals have a wide array of uses, like catching fleeing victims without moving, redirecting spells in complex patterns, hopping from one place to the next and even creating complex dungeons that defy reason. Those who have triumphed over Sphinxes in their lairs have claimed that large chunks of these domains simply blink out of existence with the departure of the creature. I guess it explains how they are able to make such massive labyrinths in such tiny spaces. Now I cannot go too far into this entry without bringing up my encounter with a Sphinx. For the longest time, I had never seen one. They rarely appear in this world, and often disappear just as quickly. Having one show up anywhere near me during my travels was like praying for a miracle. For years, I would hear stories about them, but I could never be around when one showed up. It is more frustrating than the situation with the Aelf, because I at least know it is impossible for me to meet one of those, but the mere ounce of a chance of seeing a Sphinx was excruciating to deal with. At last, though, my time came. I was out studying Rock Dragons in the canyons when a messenger raven dropped a letter at my camp. One of my associates had written to me saying that a Sphinx was spotted out on a plateau that was a five day journey away from me. He said he didn't know when it originally showed up or when it would disappear, but he thought to let me know. I immediately dropped everything and rushed to the scene, writing back to my friend mid-journey. I traveled without rest for days, moving as fast as I could so that I didn't miss my chance. There was not telling when the Sphinx would be driven off or would decide to go home, so I hoofed it the whole way. I did the five-day journey in four, and I was at the verge of collapse when I finally finished my climb onto the plateau and looked to find it empty. Words cannot describe the sheer anger, frustration and disappointment I felt at that moment. I would have burst into tears if I had the energy to do so. All that effort was wasted, the Sphinx was gone. I was ready to give a good cry when someone awkwardly coughed behind me. I turned around to be stunned by the Sphinx, who was just sitting there. I later learned that he had caught wind of some "explorer" who was dying to meet him, and he figured it would be an amusing event. To make things more fun, he hid during my arrival just so he could pull this mean prank. What is with people pranking me all the time? What have I done to deserve this? Anyways, I rejoiced at the sight of him, as I finally had the chance to meet a Sphinx, despite the fact I was moments away from dropping from exhaustion. I introduced myself to him and told him about my background. He seemed to find amusement in me, so he agreed to talk with me further. However, my fatigue made such an interview difficult, so I asked if I could meet with him tomorrow. Thankfully he agreed to that as well, so I went to set up camp. Before I could even open my backpack, there was a flash of light, a mighty shove and I tumbled into the front desk of an inn. Originally, I thought I had just woken up from a dream after some traveler hauled my exhausted carcass to an inn. The terrified owner didn't give me any details, he just threw me my keys and pointed me to my room. Never had a bed felt so good! I passed out the moment I hit the hay! Dream or not, a good night sleep was the greatest thing at the time for me. I don't know how long I slept, but sunlight was what woke me the next day. The blinding light roused me from my slumber and I opened my eyes to find myself in a bed that was sitting in the middle of the plateau. I practically screamed when I saw the Sphinx staring at me like a creep! Thank goodness I had the thought to wear a sleeping gown that night! Of course the Sphinx thought it was hilarious as I scrambled to figure out what was going on. Turns out he dropped me at the inn last night to get some rest, then teleported the whole bed back the next morning to give me a scare! I pointed out to him that this prank seemed more creepy than funny, which he found endlessly amusing. No matter who I deal with, someone is always trying to pull a fast one on me. After changing into proper clothes and collecting my faculties, I finally had my chance to talk this Sphinx. My first question was his name, which he told me. I then promptly asked him to say it again, as it was some sound I couldn't comprehend or even write. I wound up calling him "S" as that was the first part of his name that sounded remotely similar. I immediately threw dozens of questions at him, eager to learn more about his kind. S quickly cut me off and told me that such knowledge came at a price. I thought he meant a dual of riddles, which would put my life on the line. I have to honestly say I would have agreed to such a game. I know that sounds foolish, but discovery requires risk. Thankfully he did not go that route, rather he wanted to do what he called "Quid pro quo." How it would work is that I would tell S a piece of trivia or some kind of fact that I gathered from my journeys. If he did not know this fact, or found it amusing, he would allow me to ask a question. If I failed three times in delivering satisfying trivia, he would cut the interview short and call it a day. I agreed to the game and readied my journals. It was time for the duel to begin! Surprisingly, I actually got him with a few. A part of me was worried I would botch it three times in a row and fail, but I actually interested him with a few pieces! It seems that Sphinxes don't know as much about the Underworld as other places. I am guessing it is a tight fit down there for them, so they avoid it. I was able to ask him four questions before I bungled it, but that was good enough for me! My first was asking if his kind had any sort of culture or society, which S said yes to, only clarifying by saying "it's looser than you would think, but the others force a bit more order to things." My second was asking about Sphinxes and the Aelf, and what their relationship was. S said that the Aelf are a bunch of stuck up, self-serious, doom-sayers who really need to learn how to let go of a grudge. The Sphinxes aren't at war with them, but the two sides often get into arguments and fights. He joked about how Sphinxes are a funner bunch (despite the fact their kind sometimes devours people and terrorizes cities) and that they know that grudges are silly to hang on to. He did grumble, though, that there was one Sphinx that everyone seemed to despise. He mumbled something about how "she ruined the best one for the rest of us." The third thing I got to ask him was how their anatomy worked. It was a pretty broad question, but I figured I would try. S replied by going into detail about Sphinx reproduction which I quickly cut off and refuse to write down here. Clearly that reply was a joke, albeit a rather gross one. He did say that they have skeletons, but they weren't made of the same thing as people "from these parts" have in their bones. My fourth and final question was the big one. I had two strikes at the time, I knew it was now or never to ask the burning question. I looked to S and asked why the Sphinxes came to our world. What did they want from us? What did they seek? S rolled onto his back to catch some sun and told me that "everyone needs a good rumpus room." He said nothing else, and I blew my chance when I failed for the third time. Before I could try and bargain with him, a portal opened up and he batted me into it. One nauseous second later, I found myself sitting in my old camp, where I had been studying Rock Dragons previously. S seemed to be done with me, having gotten all the fun he wanted at the moment. Though disappointed I didn't get to ask more, I was grateful I had the opportunity. That brief conversation I had with him will forever be burned in my mind. Happy with my luck, I turned to my camp to continue my research to find the hotel bed flattening my tent. S was done with me, but apparently still had to squeeze in one more gag. Funny enough, a few days later, when I was watching a family of the creatures drink from a river, I was caught off guard by their hatchling appearing right behind me. The inquisitive thing tried to nibble on me, thinking I was a cactus, which I was forced to fend off. This angered the mother, and I wound up running from an enraged female for the next two hours. Later that day, I received another message by raven saying that S had disappeared from the plateau for good. Something tells me that the "sudden" appearance of the hatchling was some kind of parting "gift" from him. I have to believe he was sitting somewhere that day, chuckling as I scrambled up monoliths to avoid being trampled. And that is all I really have to say about Sphinxes. They are an odd lot who just seem to show up in our world for their own amusement. A part of me hopes to see S again, as there are hundreds of more questions I wish to ask him. The other part of me, though, kind of hopes I don't, because I am starting to get sick and tired of being the butt of every joke. Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian

#monster #creature #sphinx #art #drawing #alien

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jayolstadtv · 7 years

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Introducing a 1996 Honda Accord.

When I heard that and saw 141,095 miles appear on the screen, I laughed out loud. I LOL’d. I literally LOL’d.

Why? For one, this “commercial” I linked to is funny. For twosies, it’s my kind of commercial. And my kind of car.

Let’s level set you. I’m now in the corporate world. It means “bring you up to speed”, not “body slam”. Don’t worry, I made the same mistake.

I’m a type of motorist who doesn’t think he’s gotten his money’s worth after buying a car until said car is begging me to end its life. My last car, a Honda Civic, had no AC and squealed so high near its end I thought the windows were going to crack. I still wondered if -- at 235,000 miles -- I could squeeze a few more years out of it.

How did a I get this way? In short, my father. Yes, my mother a played role, too. But he was the driving force, pun intended.

In the Olstad family, we’d have cars longer than dogs. We’d take family pictures in front of our vehicles as the tow truck was about to pull the sorry rusting, metal carcass away. It’s as if we were saying goodbye to a family member. Having a vehicle for at least 10 years was the norm. 15 was usually the goal, and 200,000-plus miles was a must.

And these motorized family members would get used as my parents drove across the country for family vacations, moved kids into college, visited kids in far-away cities, traveled to see grandkids involved in all kinds of activities. I even remember sleeping in one of our station wagons in the early ‘80’s on the way back from Disney World. Don’t ask. Just think Chevy Chase and Vacation. That wasn’t a movie, that was Real. Life. People. So you can imagine my surprise as a kid when my friends’ parents would get a new car after only 100,000 miles! I know, I was dumbfounded, too. The car had probably seven more good years to go, at least!

And the Olstad family has the cars to prove it. There was the car my dad drove when I was in elementary school that you could hear rumbling three blocks away. Dad’s home! As a passenger, you could see the road whizzing below your feet because a small part of the floor had started to rust out.

The car before that was a doozy, too. I was really young, so I don’t remember it, only the legendary story that emanated from it. My dad got the car from one of his teacher buddies, I believe. He scored a great deal! I would imagine we were the only family willing to buy it after hearing the previous owner hauled manure in it. It was a sedan! How is that even possible?!

But for me the car that will live within my heart for eternity is the 1986 Pontiac Parisienne. This thing could fit a family of six in the trunk. It had one full seat in the front and the the driver side part of the seat was bent backwards. So if you weren’t as tall as my dad (6’4”), you had a tough time reaching the steering wheel. To remedy this, my dad put a cinder block in the back to push the seat forward. And to “hide” the cinder block he put a bright colored bath rug over it that passengers obviously wouldn’t notice except when they got in and out of the car. There’s more. The windshield wipers would go off when you signaled left. And if you turned slow enough, a hubcap might shoot off. It was a big loss when she died.

We did get a new car once. A 1999 Pontiac. It had leather seats and sunroof! My dad finally let it die a few years ago when the leather was more like sandpaper and the sunroof would decide when it wanted to open up rather than the other way around.

Why am I telling you this? Not sure. But like that car commercial I mentioned, the Olstad vehicles were not cars, they were “a state of mind”. My parents “had life figured out”, as much as they could with four kids. They just “needed a way to get somewhere”. Seeing this hilarious commercial reinforced why I almost love our family vehicles as much as the experiences we had in them.

And it most certainly reinforced why I love my family so much. It’s not how we got there, it’s that we were together when we finally arrived.

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mandi-cakes · 7 years

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Vampire Hunter D: Retribution

Chapter 5: CADENZA

Once the relief left her voice, she became stern. Nadia stood up on the thick branch that had been her perch. She trained her sight. She could see through the dark as it were midday and could see far off into the distance. With the Noble blood in her veins, her senses were naturally heightened to a great degree, but she couldn’t recall her vision being this acute; even her hearing seemed to have been sharpened. She could hear the pounding of feet from miles away. But, despite the advances, she couldn’t see through the trees themselves. Strapping her goggles to her face, she adjusted the electronics to locate heat signatures. “Scout parties, this is Scout Master. We have incoming hostiles headed north. Get to high ground and stay alert. D and I will engage. If we get taken out, you know what to do. Scout Master, out.” Nadia slung her rifle from off her back and took proper hold, then made a great leap to the tree across from her that D had been standing under. Without so much as a word, both hunters hastily made their way through the woodland to meet their targets. D traversed the ground while Nadia dashed from branch to branch; their movements were quick and silent. Suddenly they stopped. Some yards ahead, large forms moved through the brush. The giant cats entered a small clearing in the trees, their bulky bodies emitting random bursts of electricity. They stopped and sniffed the air while devilish growls rattled in their throats. The largest of the two then sniffed the ground as if it were searching for a particular scent. D and Nadia hid in the dark, watching every move the beastly cats made. Nadia quietly knelt down on the branch she had landed on, and positioned her rifle. Before she put her eye to the scope, she made a quick glance at the hunter down below. It seemed odd that he merely stood by, but with a closer a look it was apparent he was as ready with an attack as she was. Nadia’s ears picked up the sound of his muscles flexing as he prepared to take his sword. She could hear the sound of tendons stretching in her hands as her fingers gripped her weapon, ready to pull the trigger. Just what had D’s blood done to her? Shaking her head of these thoughts, Nadia trained her rifle, and as soon as the glowing eye of one of the growling beasts was in the crosshairs, she fired two quick shots. Both streaks of hot beams struck the monstrous cat’s face and exited out the back of its head. It’s deathly howl echoed as it fell to the ground. The second giant cat, startled by the shots, leapt away then let out a deafening roar as bursts of lightning shot out from its body. Bright flashes of light lit up the permeating darkness. As soon as the hulking cat got Nadia in its sights it made a lunge for the tree she was perched on just as she fired another shot. It missed, merely singeing fur as it flew past and hit the dirt where the cat had once stood. The cat’s huge paws gripped the trunk of the tree as it climbed up. “I don’t think so, kitty-cat,” Nadia said as she aimed her rifle down. The cat then let out a roar and another burst of lightning that rocketed up tree when two wooden needles struck it in the shoulder. Nadia leapt off her branch before the lightning hit her. She sailed through the air and made a graceful landing a few yards behind the beast as it too hit the dirt. Nadia made a quick about-face as the mutant feline then barreled after D. She fired a shot, hitting the giant cat in the back just as a flash of white light sliced it down the middle. The two halves fell to the ground with a sickening wet slap. The air still crackled with energy as the body of one dead monster cat convulsed slightly, each twitch sending out tiny electric jolts. “Nice takedown,” Nadia said with a few admiring nods. She then slung her rifle across her back. “Thanks for the assist, but we’re not done yet,” Nadia reached for her communicator, “Scout parties, this is Scout Master, hostiles have been eliminated. Leader One, how’s the East side, over?” “East side is clear, over.” “Roger that. Temporarily move part of your team to cover the North, over.” “10-4, Scout Leader One, out.” “Scout Leader Two, how’s the West, over?” Nadia rubbed the back of her neck, still worried over the man’s condition. “West side is clear, over.” Although his voice was somewhat strained, the man seemed resolute. “Roger that. You guys know the drill. West side scouts, however many it takes, haul the carcasses on your end out on to the Northwest side of the plains. D and I will meet you there. Leader Two, position the rest to cover area. Scout Master, out.” Nadia pulled off her goggles, letting them hang on her neck, then walked over to the beast she shot and grabbed its leg. “Not so tough now are ya, eh Fur-face?” Nadia chuckled as she hoisted the corpse over her shoulder then turned toward D. “Alrighty, you make kill, you carry the spill. Thankfully, where we’re headed is close by so you won’t be stuck dragging that thing for long.” Nadia then turned on her heel and headed off. “Pretty nice of you…not slicing it in half to begin with, since doing so would have chopped that tree while she was still in it…” the hoarse voice from his left hand said then made a soft chortle. D said nothing as he grabbed the two halves of the dead cat by the leg and followed after Nadia. “You know, most guys give the girls they’re sweet on flowers and such…but I guess saving her ass from a giant electric cat works too. And, that’s a pretty sweet ass, I must say…” the parasite cackled. “Are you quite finished?” Ordinarily, D wouldn’t have said anything. But in this instance, the voice from his left hand was becoming more bothersome than usual. As they exited the trees and moved further out onto the grassy plains beyond, Nadia veered slightly to meet up with the group of scouts that came out just after. After dropping the bodies of the dead monsters on the ground, one scout approached Nadia as she dumped her kill onto the pile; D followed suit. “Shouldn’t we take them in? We could make use of the meat, couldn’t we?” The young man seemed almost nervous as he spoke, nearly blushing as Nadia met his gaze. “If it was a different breed I’d agree, but these particular ones can’t really be eaten. We can take the hides, though. After that, we’ll burn the bodies and use the ashes to make fertilizer. Next season’s crops will be huge for sure.” The scouts made use of their hunting knives and broadswords to relieve the carcasses of their fur. After toiling away for a time, the skinned beasts were placed back into a pile over chunks of split wood. “Alright, guys,” Nadia turned to address the group of men, “I'll finish up here. Head back and reposition yourselves, we’ve only got a few more hours left. The ashes can be collected after the sun comes up.” The scouts turned to leave, joking and sighing in relief. A few of the men carried bundles of the stripped hides to be taken back to town, while the others hoped the rest of the night went without incident. Once they disappeared into the trees, Nadia faced the pile of skinned flesh. She held out her hands as small plumes of black flames erupted from her palms; the tips of the flames had a golden orange hue with flecks of red. The skin became charred almost instantly, but Nadia’s expression was calm as if she felt nothing at all. Flexing her hands, the flames became bigger. Lobbing the black fire from her hands onto the pile, she stepped back as the flames crawled across the flesh. And, like a magician, she waved her hands, manipulating the flames to spread wider and faster. When she waved her hands up, the flames flared into a brilliant orange and red blaze. Once she seemed satisfied, Nadia turned away and headed back to her post. D followed close behind her. “Interesting little trick, you got there. Why not share it with the rest of the class?” D's left hand spoke aloud as the two hunters trekked through the thick blanket of darkness. “The answer’s kind of obvious, don't you think?” Nadia turned a glaring at eye at D’s left hand. “Come on, you seem liked well enough. Sharing your little secret can’t be all that bad.” With a slight snarl, Nadia whirled around and grabbed D’s left arm by the wrist with one hand, bringing the face of the parasite to her eye level. “Hey, wha-?!” “Look here, Fingers,” Nadia spat as her other hand burst into a small, black fiery ball. Even her eyes went crimson, with two white fangs poking out from under her lips. “I’ve said it once already. There’s a fair amount of people in town who know me well enough not to care about my being a dhampir, but there’s an ever greater number of those who would. If word got out, all hell would break loose! When the day comes where we can walk the streets without being treated like trash, I’ll put on a show, but until then you keep your god-damned mouth shut! Got it?!” Dropping D’s arm with a frustrated grunt, Nadia turned and walked away, quickening her pace as she went.