#I've been thinking a lot about my dad dying recently cause of the holidays and it sucks massive donkey balls

[milo-is-rambling]

Thinking about how when my dad was in the hospital they were making a machine breathe for him and there was black junk and like weed resin coming out of his lungs and I made a joke about smoking it because my family can't handle death

#i feel bad for those nurses when I think about it but like looking back it's exactly how he would've wanted to go #me and mom going from crying to joking around #calling her a WILF (widow I'd like to fuck) while next to him in the hospital #I've repressed so much of the hospital experience cause actually thinking about it sucks but it's nice that even in my darkest times we #we're still laughing and cracking jokes through tears #I've been thinking a lot about my dad dying recently cause of the holidays and it sucks massive donkey balls #but like can't do shit about it baby that's life and it ends and it sucks but you move on and laugh and shit gets better #idk just weird to think about #grief is hard #but like it's fine #grief is also something that doesn't go away and there's no wrong way to do it #so like whoops if I make other ppl uncomfortable cause that's just how I deal with it #and I don't mean that as like a suck it up edgy thing but more like I tell myself to suck it up so often that if I can force myself to deal #with it by laughing than I'm gonna do that