#I'm not fuc king scared of being open I'm usedto being open and easily read stop projecting and assuming ughhh hh foaming at the mouth rn

[neverendingford]

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#m afraid of things #surely there's no other aspects here at all at play #they always either jump on the depression or the anxiety train and they ride it into the sunset #and I“m sitting here like yeah sure explain this to me not like I've heard it before not like I”ve read fucking academic papers about it #therapists sitting at their desk typing with a single finger going “today I taught the patient that her anxiety is anxiety” #congrats I'm glad you're getting paid for this I'm not getting anything out of it though #also a half hour isn't long enough to talk about fucking alnything at all #an hour is barely enough time to explore a topic with any sort of thoroughness so a half hour? miss me with that shit #I'm over here like “hey I've never wanted to fuck someone more than twice and I move friend groups like I”m playing musical chairs #and I block five year friends with no emotional hesitation at all. maybe there's something wrong? #and the therapist perks up like “oooo maybe it's anxiety? or it might be your depression but it's anxiety I think” #if I had an autism diagnosis they would be just substituting the word anxiety for the word autism #useless useless useless #I know how to fix most of my problems I #m here to learn calculus cause I've already learned algebra don't fucking try and teach me arithmetic #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so annoyed #“wow you type so fast” yeah yeah can we get back to talking about things? #was gonna talk about the year it's been since I tried to kill myself and she's like “now I know talking about your feelings can be scary” #I'm not fuc king scared of being open I'm usedto being open and easily read stop projecting and assuming ughhh hh foaming at the mouth rn #if anything it's a problem that talking about emotions isn't scary cause I'm so fucking detached from them they're happening to someone els #someone else not me it's not me who feels emotions its whoever else is in here I'm at the keyboard but I can't see the screen #life is just co-op gaming with myself and we share functions and we're so in sync we don't recognize the other as separate usually #but he's got the emotions today actually that's not true I've got the rage I've got the anger I'm going into self defense mode I can feel i #I #tag talk #vent #iteration- *checks notes* 5 of feeling smarter than the therapist I got assigned #today we spend thirty minutes going over how anxiety is actually a kind of fear. wow so amazing and cool #I'm really learning so much here about how Im here because I recognize I have patterns of behavior that I can't find the root cause of #Im going to leave before I just start ranting. anyway. I'm annoyed nobody fucking understands us when we're talking