#I'm not done with the game yet so i ain't checking tags

[hyakunana]

When you need to lie, but you're a good boy.

#Lies of P #lop #neowiz #pinocchio #fanart #comics #interrupting your local d2 art fever for puppet time -- we shall return soon #I'm not done with the game yet so i ain't checking tags #steamrolled this one bc i still wanna do another d2 comic for the weekend #cant lose momentum yet yelp #as i prepare this post i'm stuck on the cathedral boss for two afternoons already #like-- i am having progress with the battle and improving my timing so i guess that's something? #i'm not a souls player -- that's my brother -- but when i doubt myself he pats me and #'nah you are a souls player - you have persistence' and honestly he's not wrong #i'm actually enjoying the learning process of the battle even tho i'm stuck for two afternoons #i mean i spent 37 hours on the demo so at least i am taking my time sdfghjhgfd

[im-pok]

Just for fun (and to make these easier to find) I have made a compilation of JSRF quotes!

I did find the quotes from this video by RisingSonic17 on YouTube. I do suggest watching it as it gives more context to the lines:

Keep in mind that some interactions may be missing, as I have never played JSRF and may be unaware of some interactions. Characters and their quotes appear in chronological order according to the video.

Corn:

"This is the GG's Garage. Hey, where's our pizza? Huh? You're not the pizza guy? Oh, you're here to join the GG's, eh? Heh... Tell you what. Find Gum. She's the one you wanna talk to. Just get close to her and pull the 'Right Trigger'. Got it?"

"Why don't you talk to her now?"

"Now, just 'cause you're new don't mean you can act like a big baby. The police are tightening up here, especially since the Rokkaku took over the police force. I know we look crazy 'n all, but even we know to pick our fights. So don't mess things up for the rest of us, got it?"

"Roboy's training changes as your skill level changes, so be on the lookout."

"I had a feeling Poison Jam would have their hideout in the sewers beneath Rokkaku-dai Heights. This is it... looks like the time to throw down has finally come."

"Man, those Poison Jam freaks are out of control. I say we start on Chuo Street and cover everything to Rokkaku-dai Heights and 99th Street in our graffiti. Chuo Street is probably the best place to start."

"Roboy told you, right? If you find a Mystery Tape, you gotta check the GG-notebook. It'll tell you where to find the Graffiti Souls in the area."

"Where the hell is Yoyo? Maybe he freaked out and skipped town? I'm sure he's alright. But we gotta take care of those Immortals. They've been walkin' around like they own the place. We gotta go and cover up all their graffiti."

"I'll send those Immortals back to the grave as many times as I need to!"

"We'll stop those Noise Tanks!"

Gum:

"Poison Jam knows something about Yoyo. I know they do."

"Damn! Punk, I'll get you for that!"

"The fortified residential zone... that's deep in the ghetto. And it could be the fake one again..."

"Here they come. The crazies from the Golden Rhinos. Concentrate, and watch your back. These guys ain't no joke."

"We gotta protect the streets. That's not a choice. We can't let these fools just waltz in and take over."

"The real enemy is your own fear. Remember that."

"So you're the cat that wants to join us, huh? I don't know where you're from, but the streets are tough. Real tough. Let's see what you're made of. We'll start you off nice and slow. Let's see how much air you can grab. Press the "A Button" to jump."

"Dogenzaka Hill is GG territory. I heard there's some headphone wearin' freak creepin' up here. If I could just find him, I'd show him what's up...."

"You can do it, can't you?"

"There are a couple of places in Shibuya Terminal where you can get on the roof of some buildings. You can get there by jumping from a Grind. You should check it out. Who knows what you'll find up there? When you're looking for something, the best place to start is the Map. You can see it by pressing the START button."

"The area of 99th Street is built around a tower that has a bunch of places to Grind. Definitely check that place out. There are also telephone poles to Grind and billboards to Wallride... the most important thing is to just try everything out. Oh, and don't forget to check the map by pressing the START button. That should give you some helpful hints"

"We actually found Roboy in a dumpster. Corn fixed him up real nice."

"I've been lost in the severs before. Its kinda crazy in there, but as long as you keep moving up, you'll be ok."

"Yoyo just can't chill and stay out, can he? He'll be back soon, I'm sure. I heard the Immortals hang out in the skyscraper district or something..."

"Actually, they say Roboy is actually a Noise Tank prototype. Don't tell him that though, ok? We don't wanna make him cry or nothin'. In any case, we're gonna get those damn Noise Tanks."

Yoyo:

"Those tracks should connect Sky Dinosaurian Square to the edge of the skyscraper district..."

"I hear that Poison Jam's woman leader has been showin' her face in town."

"Man, the Rhinos gotta be pissed off!"

"Shibuya Terminal is in a state of panic. I really wanna stay out of this, but we gotta go over there and take care of business."

"Don't use your eyes. Just try to feel it, ya know?"

"Graffiti has the power to wake up the energy that's asleep in the streets of Tokyo. The Rokkaku Group... the police... they don't know what's up. So let's just cover this whole place in art, yo."

"Yo, you know that dude Hayashi from the Rokkaku police force? That guy is one messed up dude. He's a complete psycho. Watch out for him."

"I heard through the grapevine that some weird-lookin' girl's been hangin' out at Rokkaku-dai Heights."

"So you think Poison Jam is after us?"

"We gotta get the Doganzaka Hill goddess statue that Poison Jam took. We better hurry, or things are gonna get real ugly."

Beat:

"Anything go down while I was gone?"

"I've always thought that thing in Shibuya Terminal was nasty lookin' anyway! Let's do a little redecoration."

"Sometimes, you just gotta get moving or else nothin's gonna get done, yo.

"Hey, I've heard of you. You're one of the GG's, huh? Tell you what... I'll race you. If I can beat you in a race around Doganzaka Hill, then this place belongs to me. Got it?"

"Hope you won't regret that."

"Shibuya Terminal? Now that you mention it, there was this huge guy wandering around there... And fishy graffiti? That sounds familiar, but I didn't really look close enough to see if the graffiti that the fool was paintin' actually looked like a fish or nothin'."

"Hey. Is it true Poison Jam used to cause trouble in Chuo Street under a different name?"

"Rapid 99 of 99th Street. They don't show their faces in public very often. Some say Rapid 99 and Poison Jam are sworn enemies because something big went down a while back. I don't know the details, though. A friend of mine told me that the girls in Rapid 99 are real lookers. I just think he was too scared of 'em to say otherwise. In any case, it ain't gonna be easy to find 'em."

"You meet Rapid 99 yet?"

"Noise Tanks? Never heard of 'em. But we gotta find Yoyo. I'll go through the sewers and check out Kiboganoka Hill."

"Those Immortals really get on my nerves..."

"Crazy stuff is going down all over town! Looks like it's time for a little clean up... GG's style!"

Combo:

"Time to get serious."

"This kid's kinda funny."

"This time we should be able to tell if it's the real one or the fake Yoyo just by talkin' to him, right?"

"That crazy guy?! What're you talkin' about? He looks nothing like me. Besides, we don't got time to deal with that fool. Remember? The Golden Rhinos??"

"Well, they told us to come. Don't look like we got any choice."

"There are some things that you can only feel when you're out in the streets, you know?"

"What's this?! Who's been sprayin' these ugly tags on my turf?! Hmph. I'm guessin' it was you... Its on! If you loose, you're gonna be answerin' to me from now on, punk!"

"You think you can do this too? Let's see it!"

"Man, you're not all that. Here, I'll show you one more time."

"The deep end of the sewers is closed off because it's contaminated. At least, that's what I heard..."

"Hey, why you gotta go out and get a dog?! There's only one thing I hate more than dogs, and that's goldfish."

"I heard Rapid 99 used to run under a leader named Cube..."

"Thing that ticks me off most is, the Immortals ain't worth all this talk and trouble. I wonder if they got somethin' to do with Yoyo's disappearance?"

"There's a bunch of real big guys with real big attitudes causin' a big scene over on Highway Zero. Maybe they might know something about the Noise Tanks. Man, where the hell is Yoyo?!"

Rynth:

"What is UP with Yoyo, anyway?!"

"Hey, Graffiti Souls are a big commodity, right?"

"I don't care if it's a golden rhino or a blue hippo, I'll send 'em right back to the zoo where they belong."

"What's their master plan? I mean, the Golden Rhinos don't seem like their just out here to run the streets, you know what I'm sayin'?" (This quote was spelled like this in game. From my knowledge it should be "they're just out here...")

"Here comes Gouji. Let's end this."

"Did you get all the Graffiti Souls? We still got a full laundry list of things to take care of, you know."

"Hehehe... So this is your hideout."

"Poison Jam are... kinda cute!"

"Is it just me, or does Captain Hayashi not look like he eats his breakfast?"

Poison Jam:

"I don't think Yoyo's that kind of a person."

"I think hes hiding something."

"This feels like a trap. Be careful."

"Someone's after DJ-K?! You sure about that?!"

"Gouji Rokkaku is kinda interesting. But, I think he went a little too far this time..."

"I love everything about Tokyo... even the things I hate."

"Hur hur hur. You want to get rid of us, don't you? Nothing in life is free. You gotta work for it. Beat us in this race and we won't mess with you anymore."

"Har har har!! I told ya'll you were a bunch of wussies!"

Rapid 99:

"ghahah! Next thing you know, you will be all crying like a baby."

"If you can win a flag battle against us, I'll tell you where Poison Jam' s hideout is."

"Suit yourself."

Garam:

"I won't hold back."

"Hey. Keep it real."

"There's this lightning-quick girl over at Kiboganoka Hill. Dunno if she's still there. But man, I gotta say, I'm really trippin' out over Yoyo missin' and all."

"When it comes down to it, the Immortals are just dried up mummies, man. I bet they all nasty under those bandages."

Boogie:

"The Noise Tanks might look strong, but they're like cheap action figures! Just run into them and they fall apart! Oh yeah, that girl from the stadium... I heard she's been lookin' for us. You seen her yet?"

"Aww man..."

"The fortified residential zone... it's directly attached to the underground sewers. Man. I don't like that place at all."

"Is that dude in black even human? My heart's pounding... I don't know why."

"You're never as good as you can be! Don't slack off!"

"Y'all are crazy!"

Jazz:

"This doesn't look good."

"Alright. Stay cool."

"Yeah.... we were a little too laid back this time, I think."

"The fortified residential zone... hey, why don't we pick numbers to decide who goes?"

"It's about time the Rhinos brought things up a notch. We better be ready to get real serious too."

"What the hell IS that big thing, anyway? But, you better watch out for that fool in black..."

"If you get a "Jet" in the Trials, you can even use people who aren't here to take out into the streets."

"You're one of the GG's, right? Then tell this fool that they got the wrong girl! They think I'm one of you guys! So, they dragged me out here and looked what's happened to me!!"

"Hurry up! Tell him that I'm not a GG!!"

Noise Tanks:

"Hey, you're that GG that helped me out! Thanks for that man. Say... there's something that I've been wondering since then. You wanna find out who's the fastest? I KNOW I can beat you. Let's give it a shot!"

"Alright. Fine. See ya."

"I'll get 'em good no matter what!"

"The more worked up we get about this, the harder it'll be to find what we're lookin' for."

"There's somethin' not right about the way the Golden Rhino's are actin'."

"Why are those Golden Rhinos going after the Radio station? Well, make sure to be on the lookout for Captain Psychopath."

"We gotta save DJ-K! I can't stand listening to this music anymore!"

"If this town could talk, what poetry it would speak..."

"Ready?"

"Practice all you want, it will not make a difference."

"It is not over yet. Prepare yourselves."

"Heh... Go on. Fight!"

"Are you ready?"

Special interactions:

"Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much you practice."

Slate:

"Dude. I'm bored. Entertain me."

"Hmph. What a bore."

"My sources tell me that the Noise Tanks and the Rokkaku Group are in this together. Be careful."

"So is that Clutch guy in with Rokkaku too? Or is he just a little punk?"

"I'm about ready."

"The Golden Rhinos are really startin' to get on my nerves..."

"I got better things to do than play house with Gouji Rokkaku, but man, that big ugly thing has GOT to go."

"Graffiti Souls' sole purpose is to be sought out."

Clutch:

"You're looking for that kid, Yoyo, right? Tell ya what, if you go out and get some Graffiti Soul points... Hey! Wait a sec, you've already got quite a few. Lemme see those... Sucka! Thanks for the Graffiti Souls! See ya around!"

"Hah, hah! I look forward to it!"

"I dunno, but I just don't get what's going on here. Heh..."

"This Gouji Rokkaku dude is pretty funny!"

"Haaaahaha! Tokyo ain't half bad!"

Cube:

"If you can beat me at my own game, I'll leave you alone."

"Suit yourself."

"The fortified residential zone... Unless you're absolutely sure of your skills, you should stay away from that place."

"I've dealt with the Golden Rhinos once before. If you don't take them seriously, you're as good as dead."

"I can't stand even looking at that thing. Its just so... so... damn ugly!"

"Yeah. You just have to try everything with an open mind."

Beat to Corn:

"So you're the leader of the GG's? Heh... How's this sound? If I beat you in a race around Doganzaka Hill, you and your buddies have to answer to me from now on. If you beat me... well, we'll just see when it happens."

"Huuuh? You're so boooring..."

Talking to Beat in the garage before fighting the police:

"Anyway, I'm ready to rock. But what's up with that pooch, eh? Where did ya pick him up? You sure that's not the leader in disguise? Heh heh. Its only a matter of time before I become the leader of the GG's anyway."

Combo to Gum:

"What's this?! Who's been sprayin' these ugly tags on my turf?! Hmph. Was it you, princess? You've been a bad, bad girl. You've better hit me with everything you've got, 'cause I ain't gonna hold back just because you're a girl!!"

"The cue tone get you all jumpy?"

"You liked that, eh? I'll do it again for you."

Yoyo to Rynth:

"You're... like... you know... yo."

"Where'd you come from?"

Gum to Rynth:

Rynth to Beat:

"Cool. Welcome aboard."

"You kinda... smell weird."

Garam to Boogie:

"Hey. I'm next in command around here, little lady. The name's Garam,"

Combo to Boogie:

"This group is growing bigger every day. Fool just dig me, I guess."

Gum to Boogie:

"So you're the one from Kiboganoka Hill, huh? Well, this is the GG's. What you see is what you get. Just be yourself, you'll be cool."

Garam to Jazz:

"Well, um... I... uh... be cool."

"That freak who's been making all those weird tags... you think he's connected with the Golden Rhinos somehow?"

Boogie to Garam:

"Alright. Stay cool."

Jazz to Garam:

"I feel ya, but I think you should try to chill a bit. Keep it together."

Corn to Clutch:

"What a fool. But the fortified residential zone... that's deep in the ghetto. And it could be the fake one again..."

Jazz to Clutch:

"Don't push your luck."

Beat to Clutch:

"You just wanted some attention from us, right? Aww..."

Combo to Clutch:

"Man, you're such a jerk I almost like you."

Garam to Clutch:

"One of these days, I'll get you one-on-one! Just you and me, fool!"

Boogie to Clutch:

"Fine. I'll let you off just this once."

Slate to Clutch:

"Heh... Stay outta trouble."

Corn to Yoyo:

"Long time no see, bro."

Clutch to Yoyo:

"So you're that Yoyo guy, huh? Heh..."

Jazz to Yoyo:

"So, you're the real deal, huh? 'Sup. I'm Jazz."

Combo to Yoyo:

"You gonna go and try to get back into shape, huh?'

Garam to Yoyo:

"Heh... I caused enough havoc for the both of us while you were gone, bro."

Rynth to Yoyo:

"The most unbelievable stuff was happening while you were gone! Hehehe..."

Yoyo to Slate:

"Hey, sorry about all that, yo. My bad. But thanks to those fools, I'm all out of shape now. Maybe I'll go out and cause a little havoc to warm up, yo."

Yoyo to Jazz:

"Man, things have sure gotten busier sice I was last here?"

Gum to Beat:

"That fool dressed in black who's been hanging around Chuo Street... now that I think about it, you guys kinda look alike."

Clutch to Beat:

"In times like this, you won't fall as long as you look where you're going. Heh heh."

Garam to Beat:

"Hey, you know that guy everyone's been saying looks like you? Well, is it you?"

There is some cutscene dialogue missing from these lines. If I can find all the cutscenes, then I'll be sure to add them.

#jsrf #long post #jsrf beat #jsrf yoyo #jsrf corn #jsrf gum #Youtube

[knockknockchicagopd]

A SERIE WITH HANK VOIGHT. CHAPTER II.

❚❙ WORDS: about 1.2k

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place, or something that makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to the author.

❚❙ Tag list: @melblacc @rebelwrites @skyofficialxx @sesamepancakes @scarletsoldierrr @mondefantastique @that-chick212 @enbyamaro @inlovewith3 @ocetevasgirl @destynelseclipsa @jadakiss13 @mcgreads @graniairish @sophie-writes. If you want to be added to my tag list, send me a message.

You haven't been able to stop thinking about Hank and his visit the whole day, about what he said, about what he gave you. Natalie's opinion is you should give him a second chance, but Maggie and April don't agree. They said people don't change, but, what if he has done it after being in jail? At least, you need to know if it's true what he told you about his new job. Maybe this is going to help you to make a decision. You're not an officer, but you're aware of the difference between Intelligence and the Gang Unit.

Passing away the private parking of the District, you check his car is still there, which means he's working yet. Taking a deep breath until filling up your lungs completely, you leave your black Mustang in front of the building to step out of it. You're not going to lie saying you aren't nervous, while you're forced to keep your trembling hands inside the pockets of your jacket. The last time you were there was a year ago, to be interrogated by two cops who treated you like shit. You don't know what happened with them, but after Hank told you he made a deal with the Attorney for you, they maybe were relieved to Traffic.

As you shake your head to focus on what you're going to do, you go upstairs walking in, straight to the main desk. Platt is there, and she can't hide a smile as soon as she sees you coming. She has been one of these people who didn't abandon you after what happened, keeping you under her wings only like a mother would do. Boden and she have been like your parents since they passed out when you were just a kid.

“Is it true?” You whisper unzipping your jacket.

By the look on her face, you know that Hank has talked with her already about his visit this morning. She nods in silence, before pressing a button under the desk, causing a buzz in a metallic fence some feet away from you.

“Upstairs, honey”.

Not saying anything else, you continue your path leaving behind you the bustle of the officers to only hear Hank Voight's voice. You are still assimilating it. You can't believe he is free, after what he did. And you sure he has already apologized, even if you also know it doesn't fix everything. His words are interrupted when he lands his eyes on yours, earning other gazes. You can see Erin raising her chin proudly, sitting over her desk, and waving a hand slightly to welcome you.

“Sorry, I can come back later”.

“No. It's okay”. He quickly replies, before pointing at the board with different information written down and some pictures of guys that look like total jerks. “Start to work”.

After that demand, the new sergeant makes you a sign to follow him into his private office, rolling down the shutters to have some intimacy. Closing the door behind your back, you can't help but tour the place with your eyes and the curiosity that resides inside you ever since. Taking off your jacket, he grabs it to hang it on the coat rack before signaling the sofa at your left. You sit in silence, pulling away some bristles of hair behind your ears visibly nervous. You aren't even sure of what you want to tell him. If you want him in your life, or if you want him to disappear again.

At first, you watch sideways Hank resting his body against his desk, but he finally decides to sit by your side. You're not two strangers. You have been through a lot of shit together and he only wants to win you back, to be like in the old times. Doubting, he holds your hands to urge you to look at him.

“I wanna do the right thing this time. You don't have to say yes right now, we can work on this. Step by step”. His voice has always calmed you, no matter which kind of situation you've been in. And now, it's doing it again. “Justin and you were the reason why I continued waking up every day. And I did anything in my hands to protect you while I was outta the game. I want my life back. I will fight every day”.

Licking his teeth, Hank shakes his head briefly while putting his eyes on the window at his left, waiting for a word coming from your lips. But what he hears is a heavy sniff. About to cry, you try to gulp all the pain it has following you for long, long months since he left. If he doesn't want you, if he doesn't really love you, he'd not have gone to find you. He'd have not protected you all this time. And he is still there. Waiting for you.

Hank tosses an arm behind your neck to push you closer, almost lying you on his chest to place sweet kisses on your head. Earning soft but bitter sobs from you, he ends up wrapping your body as tightly as he can, rocking you under his grip. He didn't do the right thing putting you away, practically ghosting you. He has caused you a horrible sorrow all these months. Long days waiting for a call. Long nights sleeping alone and wishing to be by his side. But you have to keep in mind Platt's reaction. She is a good woman. She knows you ever since. She wouldn't let Hank hurt you a second time.

“Step by step”. He repeats in a raspy whisper, cupping your cheek into his hands to clean your tears with his thumbs. “I'm sorry. I swear it, (Y/N)”.

You know it, you can see it.

“Can I kiss you?”

The unexpected question causes you to giggle in tears. “Since when do you have to ask for it?”

“You have punched me before, sweetheart. I ain't gonna take the risk again”. He laughs rubbing the left side of his jaw.

Taking the advantage of having a hand free, you place it on the back of his neck to make your mouths crash in a kiss full of necessity. You have forgotten how good he used to taste, how good he used to make you feel. All your fears turn into ashes after the fire he provokes within your chest, embracing you closer and sitting you on his lap. Neither the two of you want any kind of distance right now between your bodies, having missed the touch from the other. Your lips were made to fit, transmitting so much tenderness, so much love; a bunch of emotions contained for a year, thinking you wouldn't be able to kiss him again, overwhelming your senses and clouding your mind.

Running out of air, caressing both sides of his neck with your fingertips, he pushes himself away just an inch enough to find your eyes again. Shining like never before. Falling a little more in love with you.

“Step by step”. You remark biting your bottom lip, softly sniffing again.

“All the steps you need”.

#lemme know what you think in a comment! ⚡ #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #one chicago #hank voight imagine #hank voight x reader #hank voight

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [hit her with the shameless party host girl's DMs after literally no time since she was humiliated] Jimmy: It's looking like we need a new scale just for her Janis: seriously Janis: where's the rock she was meant to crawl under and die Janis: 🧠 her with it Jimmy: we probably smashed or hid it when we trashed the place Jimmy: what else do you wanna do about this? Janis: parents are right amateurs Janis: can't even take her 📴 away Janis: what do we do Janis: the DMs are peaking atm, really annoying when I'm trying to sort customers from timewasters Jimmy: I could post hers, but she'd probably take pride in the promo Jimmy: fake 👰💍🤵? Janis: yeah Janis: when your last lad would untag himself from anything you tagged him in and not take a photo with you Janis: that kinda shit is EVERYTHING to them Janis: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: where'd I get a fake 👗 Jimmy: you said you didn't know her, been busy, have you? 😏 Janis: erm shut up, you know they're all the same and it was a generalization Janis: a fair one, but still Jimmy: 👌 babe Janis: [dogwalking photo like there, still busy, thank you] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 🐶🌭💦 #kinkunlocked??? Jimmy: [a picture of Twix with his hands over her ears like shh] Janis: Oh no Janis: do I ring childline or RSPCA? 😏 Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: how lonely you've been without me Jimmy: one would be a well longer chat than the other Janis: not been 🐶 levels of pining for you Janis: but my ability to fake it if necessary hasn't gone away Jimmy: write me a better DM than hers and I'll put 'em side by side Janis: not hard Janis: even if you aren't as inspiring as me 😘 Jimmy: soz I meant to say write me a 🥇 one Janis: not been long enough you can act like you forgot who I am Jimmy: if Bill can't get me wearing tights and prancing about on stage for a fake ⚔ or 💔 then there's no chance of you managing it, mate Jimmy: so there's no act Jimmy: just don't know who you are Janis: 🙄 Janis: alright, but the point is there is an act and it's clearly still needed Jimmy: 🖋 your 💌 when you're not too busy or owt Janis: [🔥 tweet that would get everyone talking about them as a them again] Janis: like I said, piece of piss Jimmy: [cue a 🔥 exchange cos obvs he's gotta pull his weight and prove how easy it is for him too it's not like he missed her or anything NOPE] Janis: always a pleasure doing business with you Jimmy: pleasure would be all mine if we were done but Janis: that would mean life was fair, wouldn't it Jimmy: that would mean any dickhead could crack on to any other with an @ and it'd make 'em #fated Janis: the point is to put out the opposite and keep the @s from other dickheads to a minimum, I'm aware Janis: so what's step 2 this time Jimmy: you're gonna have to 🙄 at me in person Jimmy: how massive of an audience do you want? Janis: MASSIVE Janis: not only do I get to shout that at you Janis: 🔫 as many inbox lurkers as possible in one 🎯 Jimmy: had my 🤞 you'd say that Jimmy: Alright, that's work ❌ unless you've got nowt but 👴👵 or 🤰👶 in your inbox Janis: sadly, my inbox is about as diverse as 💙 Janis: some 👴 but mostly their sons and grandsons, like Jimmy: leaving me their daughters Janis: you're welcome Janis: only a few who took Mia's casual homophobia to 💘 which is a bit 😬 but you know Jimmy: hang on, there are people who take owt she 🗨s to 💘??!! Janis: ask the other gals Janis: between the 😭 Jimmy: come on, they'd need a 💘 Jimmy: instead of just being 🧫 with hair Janis: 😏 Janis: alright, decent description Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: never been much of a 🖋💕 Jimmy: reckon you might have the wrong 👻 Janis: or Bill has possessed you Janis: without permission is a bit #metoo of him but Janis: different times, you know Jimmy: without buying me a drink, he would an' all Jimmy: that's what I get for having an earring Janis: did he start that or what Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: 💰 on him taking the credit Janis: invite him to a dinner party, or whatever that game is Jimmy: fuck's sake, we don't have to have a dinner party to show everyone we're still #goals do we? Janis: I sincerely hope not Janis: they'd be the FUSSIEST guests Jimmy: nah chuck them cotton wool balls in a bowl instead of crisps or 🔑🔑🔑 Janis: grim Janis: fake 👰💍🤵 is one thing Janis: playing 🏡 is just silly Jimmy: What are we gonna do then? Jimmy: I dunno where the fuck a MASSIVE crowd of our dickhead fans are Janis: lemme 🔭 Jimmy: Tah, if I point mine towards the park I'll probably get arrested Janis: not redeeming that rep for you Janis: have limits Jimmy: I get it 👀 out your window only works if you've seen a murder and you're the one with the dodgy ankle, not me Janis: just saying, you'll want people to think you're in it for the 🐶s Janis: it's gonna be another bullshit party Janis: all there ever is Jimmy: Alright Janis: just working out which will be the biggest Jimmy: been in your DMs too long, girl Janis: ha ha Janis: though sending them back size comparisons is a solid idea Jimmy: it ain't been long enough for you to forget how many 🥇💡 I have Jimmy: pick the one that'll be the most bearable, word and 📷 will get round Janis: I think she'll be at this [slightly smaller basic party] one but there will be more people at [larger basic party] this one Janis: true though Janis: but they'll all be shit Jimmy: are you gonna smack her? Janis: jealousy isn't very goals Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: yeah but even if I'd LOVE to, not gonna have it looking like that's why Janis: so unlikely Jimmy: if you'd love to but you reckon you can't, we won't go wherever she is Janis: s'different for lads Janis: you're a pussy if you don't, I'd be a psycho if I did Janis: we can hit multiple potentially, max coverage, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll crack on building an assault course she can fall off Janis: cheers Janis: [party] is near-ish the CG, go there first makes sense Jimmy: loads of ways to 💀💀💀 ourselves and then just haunt it Janis: caffeine OD, you mean or? Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: 💀👑 ain't possessed me an' all Janis: then fill me in on the poisons you keep next to the caramel syrup, like Jimmy: if I wanted to make your heart beat faster there's no need to make you a latte Jimmy: and for stopping it, there's no need to use ☠ that's Bill's ™ Janis: definitely 🤓 flirting Jimmy: send it to her, she must be 💔🎻😭 by now Janis: is bound to be missing me as well Jimmy: 🤞 she tweets her 💕 for you so I can give it a retweet Janis: lazy back in style then Jimmy: is it? Janis: I'm asking you Jimmy: how would I know? Jimmy: got my own 😎🚬 Janis: 👌 got your 15mins Janis: made up for you Jimmy: if I did I wouldn't be 🗨 to you Janis: 💔🎻😭 I'm sure Jimmy: save it for our fake breakup, Jillian Janis: naturally I'll be living my best life Janis: anything more tragic? think not Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you've been possessed by my ex, not fuming she's dead but not chuffed by the idea of going to a party with her, so wrestle back control Janis: shit at accents Janis: not gonna try to #trigger you Jimmy: she weren't much of a talker, you're alright Janis: don't need the details, you're alright too Jimmy: I'll put my picture I was painting you in the bin then Jimmy: bit rude Janis: Poor boy Jimmy: Oi, I definitely already put the bank statements in Janis: this is the part where I make you buy me shit I don't need then Janis: alright Jimmy: I'll give you a bit to crack on 💭🤔 Janis: if the list ain't double-sided, I've fucked up Jimmy: 🐴🍾👠💍👜💄👗💎🏎🏠🏖 Jimmy: ✈🦷🐅💐👶🦪🚢🖼⌚️ Janis: 👏 Janis: I'll flog most of it Janis: great rate on 👶 Jimmy: and the 🐅 Janis: I wanna keep the 🐅 Jimmy: 🤞 it eats the 🐴 before you get weirdly attached Jimmy: jealousy ain't goals you said, and I would be Janis: feed you sugar cubes if you really want Jimmy: then I'd have to buy myself new 🦷 an' all Janis: they work last I checked Jimmy: til you rot 'em out my head, we'll be proper #goals us Janis: one way to put people off Janis: long term Janis: have to keep doing this 'til the damage really sets in Jimmy: if only you were sweeter 💔 Janis: unlucky Janis: surprised you ain't moved yet Jimmy: nah, you taste nice really Jimmy: unlike that bitter 💊 Janis: obvs 👍 Janis: weird they're not dying to get rid of yous Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: crack on with fucking your co-workers tah very much Jimmy: need a new mum and address obvs Janis: #whenorientationdrags Jimmy: #whenyouvelostyourtouchbecauseyouaintallowedtoslaplassesonthearseatthephotocopierthesedays Janis: #romanceisDEAD Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: that'll be why he keeps getting ghosted Janis: won't get my ma involved then, even though step-sister is ultimate goals in ALL lad's books Janis: she's the 👑 of that Jimmy: if they look like you, yeah Jimmy: not like some of the ones he'd have stuck me with if he could keep a missus around Janis: can't even fuck then, what is the point Jimmy: can chuck 👶 and 🐕 at them Jimmy: they might even live Janis: don't even have to pay 'em Janis: skint equivalent of the nanny, clearly Jimmy: 👍 Janis: now I'm just gutted about my lack of a new dad, thanks a lot Jimmy: take mine Janis: he'll take me out for 🍦 WITHOUT piping my mum?! Janis: yay Jimmy: I dunno what your mum looks like but I've seen you, it's a safe 💰 on yeah Jimmy: say you've been on holiday and it's a tan that'll fade, you'll be alright Janis: make her go along with the babysitter line Janis: always a good one Jimmy: nowt could go wrong Janis: you're being the snobby LiLo twin no swapsies Jimmy: only 'cause you can't do accents Janis: neither could she Janis: I'm just 😎 than you Jimmy: you just wanna pierce my other ear and cut my hair Janis: you do need a haircut Jimmy: bollocks do I Janis: 😏 Jimmy: find loads of yours in owt I've worn AND wake up with it in my mouth Jimmy: it'd take the piss trying to murder you Janis: with this perma-tan? Janis: still get away with it, don't worry Janis: anyway, I'll 💀 you first Jimmy: so you keep promising Janis: time and a place is all I need, new boy Jimmy: if you need a written invite I'm sure whoever's party this is can at least manage to 🖋 your name, Jenna Janis: wouldn't 🤞 Janis: am a vampire though so, at least gotta wave me in Jimmy: good thing you scrub up decent then Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: gonna teach me how to sign it if I make sure you're saying it right in Irish? Jimmy: about equal as useful skills go probably Jimmy: unless your next fake boyfriend is deaf and then I'll be fuming duh Janis: gonna make that happen now, obvs Janis: gonna be a tough stalk but got no doubt in my skillz Jimmy: brb 😭 Jimmy: *🥊 Jimmy: 💪🏆 obvs Janis: I'll tell him you're so 💪🏆 Jimmy: tell everyone how well hard I am, double meaning works for lads and lasses Janis: don't wanna come across as protest too much though Janis: fine line Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll leak my nudes Janis: not gonna hurt your rep Jimmy: I know, but we're trying to clear my DMs not encourage lasses to send more Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: I do it when we've been together a bit and I've let myself go Janis: gut covering most of it? Janis: good idea Jimmy: works for Mr Lucas Jimmy: I bloody miss that stud Janis: will 🤞 mine you get at least one date with him 'fore you piss off then Jimmy: SO romantic that Jimmy: tah my dear Janis: not like the prospect of being alone with him actually makes my skin crawl Jimmy: 'course not, you know how lucky you are Jimmy: and dead special Janis: sound like his lines Jimmy: we're that #connected OMG Janis: 💫🔮 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: @ me as a 👻 when he does you in though Jimmy: as fake girlfriend's go Janis: you done this before? Jimmy: What? Janis: fake 💕 Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Dunno Janis: just trying to gage how much of a compliment it is Jimmy: how much of a compliment do you want? Janis: fake ones don't interest me Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: saying if you don't wanna say it, I don't wanna hear it Jimmy: I don't say owt unless I want to Janis: me either Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: weren't a request or anything Jimmy: can be Janis: it wasn't Jimmy: Alright Janis: meet you later then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit Janis: they been in today Jimmy: are we gonna start asking questions we know the answer to now or what? Janis: not the most fun game 2 people can play but Jimmy: but? Janis: both too busy for fuck all else Jimmy: oi, I'm NEVER too busy for you 💕 Janis: that's the official story Janis: also surely 🥇 if I don't distract you from your 💰 Jimmy: 🥇 that you do Janis: hmm Janis: might have to wait on that Janis: my dog walking look ain't one, no doubt Jimmy: it is if my 😍 say so Jimmy: and it were you who said they chase lads and try and all that bollocks, you don't have to, that's why it's goals Janis: what time does your shift end today anyway? Jimmy: I'm closing that's why you got to see my 🐕📷 earlier Janis: she's cute Jimmy: @ her Jimmy: reckon my sister's made her one by now Janis: don't even Janis: Gracie used to have one for every cat we had and they all had a different 'voice' Janis: sign of trouble to come, tbh 🤪 Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: compelling narrative, very 🧼 lives they were apparently living Jimmy: maybe Bill's 👻 will follow her round for a bit, leave me to my 🎭 Janis: obviously got bullied out of that behaviour ages ago, soz Jimmy: like the bollocks Mia has her doing ain't even more Shakespearean Janis: regardless, she's up her 😽 instead now Janis: cats are gutted Janis: all that graft for nothing Jimmy: lovely Jimmy: such a way with words he'll be after you Janis: 'cos you've been soliloquizing this whole time Janis: he's well impressed with me already tah Jimmy: one word for it 😏 Janis: 🛑😂 Jimmy: soz that verbally wanking off these customers for tips don't roll off the tongue in the same way but Jimmy: customer service ain't come a very long way Janis: I get it Janis: worst part of the day is talking to the owners Jimmy: next place I'm fully committing to fake deaf mute Janis: I would Jimmy: back up north they'll be thick enough to believe it were hereditary and stuck me down suddenly while I were gone Janis: could always have one off if you wanna go for a bit of realism Jimmy: most of 'em ain't heard me say nowt any road Jimmy: no need to come for Vinnie's entire brand Janis: you always had the mute part down then Jimmy: that a question? Janis: if you liked the obvious one earlier, can be Jimmy: you heard me say I don't say owt unless I want to Jimmy: unless you've got the deaf bit down yourself Janis: a plot twist too far, I reckon Jimmy: you can have a 🏆 if you're faking being that shit at signing Janis: cheek Janis: you're obviously a bad teacher Jimmy: would be if you were getting me to teach you things you already know, yeah Janis: that'd just be silly Jimmy: nowt close to the biggest load of bollocks we've done though Janis: don't remind me Jimmy: alright, what can I remind you of? Janis: our 🏆👑💪🥇 moments, obviously Jimmy: that's LITERALLY all of 'em Janis: DUH Jimmy: I get it, you want a soliloquy Janis: double-sided Jimmy: [is a nerd so does write her one] Janis: not gonna mark it Janis: can't do it how Lucas does, 'course 💔 Jimmy: don't remind me Janis: you said you couldn't write Jimmy: and? Jimmy: I can't Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: you get what you ask for, just the kind of fake boyfriend I am Janis: you can do my English homework for the foreseeable then Jimmy: he'll know it's me but if that's alright with you Janis: oh yeah, your connection Jimmy: that and the quality'll go way up Janis: why I'm asking Janis: got that much brain, like Jimmy: don't need loads to be better than whatever 💌 you've done for Lucas before Janis: fuck off Jimmy: What, you're gonna pretend you give a shit now? Or just fake that you're offended that I know you don't Janis: don't call me thick, 'cos I ain't, is what Jimmy: I didn't Janis: Good as Jimmy: Where? Janis: alright, we can drop it Jimmy: you mean you wanna drop it 'cause I said nowt of the sort Jimmy: go on then Janis: shut up Janis: you were taking the piss regardless Jimmy: no I weren't Jimmy: you had the hump regardless, more like Janis: this is helping Jimmy: What's your problem? Janis: what's yours Jimmy: I asked you first Janis: Don't be annoying Janis: clearly, I thought you were taking the piss, if you ain't, then whatever Jimmy: is it? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: actually leave you to it now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🤮 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: nah Janis: you're throwing 💋s I'm throwing 🦠s Jimmy: can you not chuck 💀👑 and her mates about tah, got enough tidying up to do Jimmy: be hair everywhere Janis: sweep it up, stick it back on Janis: pay fortunes for that, well decent tip Jimmy: 🧹💰💰 Janis: don't do TOO good a job, or you will be stuck for life Janis: definitely not the point Jimmy: 🤞 even Ian ain't that useless Janis: statistically impossible that there's no bitch in his office with low self-esteem Jimmy: he's had enough time to wear away any lass who had a bit if there weren't Janis: any day now Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: what you going back for Janis: the weather? Jimmy: 🌧✔ Jimmy: got that here an' all, bighead Janis: alright Janis: can't hear all of a sudden Jimmy: maybe you got water in your ears from all the 🌧 we've been having Janis: I meant you, ignoring my ? dickhead Janis: but could be Jimmy: I've got a mum, don't I? Jimmy: will that do you for an answer? Janis: if you want Jimmy: not really, she's well shit Jimmy: but until Ian pulls his finger out and puts a 💍 on another lass' she's the only one I've got Janis: must be Janis: why'd she let your dad take your kid brother Jimmy: didn't @ her beforehand Janis: why'd you come with him then Jimmy: Why would I leave them alone with him? Janis: if he's done a bunk with some kids, then they won't be with him long Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: alright Jimmy: it's not 📺 you can leave it out Janis: Fine Janis: done Jimmy: are you? 👏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: don't whatever me about my own life, I've got the 🎻🎻 living it, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't more bored than me Janis: I stopped talking ages ago Janis: you don't need to say no more Jimmy: and I gave you a 👏 for it, you after a 🏆 an' all now? Janis: right Jimmy: 🏆 then Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't bother about later, alright Jimmy: I'm already bothered about it Jimmy: don't piss about, how's that? Janis: then mute your phone for the evening or until I am Jimmy: I'm not changing my plans just 'cause it's taken you this long to realise I've got a shit mum and a shit dad Janis: then you can go by yourself or realise you don't have much of a plan without my help Jimmy: funnily enough, I already knew I couldn't do this single handed Janis: don't chat to me like shit regardless of however much your life is Jimmy: don't ask me questions if you can't hack the answers Janis: Just don't answer if you don't want to Janis: that's your rule, apparently Janis: don't bullshit you have when you've just been cagey about it, I said alright, so move on Jimmy: it were you who couldn't shut up fast enough, not me Janis: you literally asked me to Janis: why would I keep on Jimmy: I haven't asked for nowt Janis: 'you can leave it out' Janis: so I did Janis: then I weren't interested enough Janis: I hit a nerve, it was an accident, so fuck off and deal with it or drop it Jimmy: what would you like me to deal with, that my mum can't do nowt or that I dunno if she would even if she could do? 'Cause that's where we were going with your bollocks assessment of my life story there Jimmy: they're as useless to me as each other Janis: She did the bunk, not your dad Jimmy: she did one first Janis: right Janis: Jesus Jimmy: I don't reckon he's involved, unless she found him on her way out Janis: your dad know where she is, or was that the point Jimmy: does it sound like he tells me owt he knows? Janis: you'd probably knew if he knew Janis: crap at hiding that kind of stuff Jimmy: is he? Janis: all adults are, especially the stuff they want to keep from you Jimmy: 1. can barely call him an adult 2. he can't lord it over us without telling us, that'll be what he wants to do Janis: yeah, so he don't know Janis: if he could call your mum crap for this, then he would, you'd never hear the end of it Janis: even if smug silence was his style, still loud Jimmy: he calls her all sorts and his girlfriend's never hear the end of it either Janis: is that just male tears 'cos she left HIM though Jimmy: it suits him, when it don't, might be a different story Janis: counts as foreplay for 'em, father of the year, sure Jimmy: I can't make a 🏆 for him an' all, I ain't finished making all yours Janis: you can buy mugs Janis: just so you know Jimmy: WHAT??! Those things I stare at all day?! Janis: yeah, ikr Janis: world's best [insert title here] Jimmy: who does that work for? Janis: never have my name Janis: unlikely they have 'fake girlfriend' so you know Jimmy: never been nowhere how the fuck would I know what the world's got to offer Jimmy: be a pisstake that Janis: ✔ here off the bucket list Jimmy: chuffed to bits, like Janis: how could you not be Jimmy: 💀💀💀 inside Jimmy: and out 👻 Janis: don't stop me living and loving every second Jimmy: why you're 🥇 Janis: feels great Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: right laugh now you've got the 💕 an' all Janis: why else would you pick me Jimmy: ? Janis: 'cos I'm a well known laugh a minute Jimmy: you owe me loads if that ain't all chat but alright Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: yeah, be about right Janis: you weren't wrong, anyway Jimmy: sounds fake that Janis: just saying, whatever you heard or reckoned, about me being sad enough to agree, probably spot on so there we go Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: you either thought I'd be up for this fake dating bollocks because I legit needed a beard or 'cos I had fuck all else on Jimmy: don't be a twat Janis: I'm not, it's comforting, dickhead Jimmy: it's bollocks, nowt else Janis: let me be nice Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you know why I asked you and it's nowt to do with any of that Jimmy: I didn't even reckon you'd say yeah, alright? Janis: had no reason to say no Jimmy: there are loads but it's a bit late now Janis: you know why I said yes as well Janis: so yeah, don't matter Jimmy: no I don't Janis: oi Janis: I didn't take the opportunity to make you say it, why should I now Jimmy: I didn't say you had to tell me, I said I dunno Janis: yes you do Jimmy: stop it Janis: what? Jimmy: I just said I don't, it's nowt to argue about Janis: why you asked'll be why I said yes Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: rude Jimmy: how am I? Janis: how aren't you? Jimmy: THAT'S rude Janis: what you get Janis: weren't interested in nice Jimmy: you weren't being nice Janis: how weren't I? Jimmy: how were you? Janis: 🙄 Janis: truce Jimmy: are you gonna keep being a dickhead after I agree? Janis: don't you trust me Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: 🥇 one Jimmy: I keep telling you, girl, you can't give 🏆🥇 to yourself Jimmy: keep trying to put me out of a job, well trustworthy that is Janis: you keep complaining about how many I need Janis: called being helpful Jimmy: now you're slagging off my work ethic Jimmy: that's called 💔 Janis: finding fault in EVERYTHING I do now Janis: very rude Jimmy: you started it Janis: No I never Jimmy: yeah you did Jimmy: go have a look Janis: do I have to? Jimmy: can't make you from here Janis: that's called 💔 Jimmy: I know 🎻 Janis: what have you been doing Janis: case I need to act like I know Jimmy: you do Jimmy: #🎨 Janis: right Janis: covers all sins Janis: ☕🖋💘 Jimmy: tell me then Janis: tell you what? Jimmy: It's the same question, my dear Janis: oh, all the 🎨 I've been doing Janis: 🏃🐕🏋️🥊 Janis: repeat Jimmy: I should probably post some, remind me when I get back to mine Janis: the fans demand it Jimmy: won't be very #goals for them to be reckoning you've only inspired 💭💕 Jimmy: or true Janis: what are you posting Janis: do I get a preview Jimmy: do you want one? Janis: yeah Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: come here, I'll reenact it for you Janis: 😳 Jimmy: don't worry I'm not ripping off Titanic Jimmy: gotta leave something for the 💭💕 Janis: have a job to steam up an entire cafe Janis: even with the necessary equipment Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 😏 Janis: definite health and safety hazard Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: get it now Janis: your manager is a CLOSE 🥈 to Lucas and you want attention Jimmy: your guess is as good as mine, mate Jimmy: never seen him Janis: 🤨 Janis: is CG a front for 💰🧺 Jimmy: might be Jimmy: or he's a 👻 an' all and it's getting crowded ⚰ with me and Bill pissing about Janis: intriguing Janis: 😍 Jimmy: don't dump me for a shyer 👻 Janis: not trying to work my way up your corporate ladder Jimmy: unless that's a euphemism, you're alright Janis: maybe that's the kind of work-related sexy talk your dad is going for Janis: not the one Jimmy: 🤢 Jimmy: can I call in sick off the back of that? Janis: I think so Jimmy: fucking can't though 'cause you're meeting me here UGH Janis: could meet you at yours if I was 💀👑 and knew where it was Jimmy: it were you who said the party was near here Janis: it is Jimmy: not gonna piss off back home then, am I? Jimmy: don't miss Ian that much Janis: power through then, baby Jimmy: help me then Jimmy: you're so 💪🏆🥇 Janis: what do you need? Jimmy: If I knew that I'd be 💪🏆🥇 an' all and I wouldn't need you Jimmy: but I do Janis: tell me when your next break is Janis: and I'll see what I can do Jimmy: [gives her a time for when it's meant to be which I hope is soon for both their sakes] Janis: alright, I'll have dropped the majority of the pack by then so I can do it Jimmy: yeah? Janis: 'course Janis: you owe me a preview Jimmy: 💭💕 til then Janis: easy Jimmy: for you, you ain't carrying ☕ about Jimmy: or making it, #extra🌡don't reckon you want a preview of my newest burn scars Janis: don't hurt yourself Janis: or I'll have to prioritize nursing you Jimmy: it's my turn but Janis: you had a long weekend Janis: wouldn't be fair Jimmy: right Janis: gotta keep being 💪🏆🥇 Jimmy: how's your ankle? you never said Janis: it's alright Jimmy: alright actually or alright how you say it is when you don't wanna talk about it? Janis: alright like it'd probably be better if I could rest it more but I can't so it'd as good as it can be Jimmy: Oi, you're resting it tomorrow Jimmy: tonight goes without saying Janis: you know what I do for my 💰 yeah Jimmy: yeah and I'll do it Jimmy: if I ain't about my sister will Janis: you don't need to Janis: and you can't sign her up without asking Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: I weren't asking for your permission or hers Jimmy: you're resting and she's giving me a hand Janis: you're in charge now, yeah Jimmy: soz I'm SUCH a #lad Jimmy: you can have a go at me when you're better Janis: see how I feel about it then Jimmy: me an' all, see if you're a 🥇 patient or not Janis: you know I'm not Jimmy: that were then Janis: you think I'll be better behaved now? Janis: such an optimist Jimmy: I might just be a realist ☀ girl Jimmy: I reckon I can make it happen Janis: you're being very distracting Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 it'd really take the piss and go against owt I'm trying to do Janis: do my best Janis: even if it goes against Bill's plan Jimmy: I've got my own for you, he don't get a say unless he's #teambedrest Janis: 💀💀💀bed Jimmy: not til I've fixed your ankle and behaviour Jimmy: soz Janis: jesus Jimmy: I get that you don't wanna wait that long, but I'll do my best an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: it's been too long Janis: know it's only been days but Jimmy: it's alright, I'm gonna look after you Janis: what about you Jimmy: what about me? Janis: you need looking after too Jimmy: I sent out my SOS a bit ago and you said you'd be there, don't need nowt else, do I? Janis: you're gonna make me bedrest on my own? Jimmy: you won't be very rested with me and Bill crowding you Jimmy: take all my jobs seriously, me Janis: I'd rather have you Janis: but okay Janis: reluctant 😇 Jimmy: I'll be about keeping an 👀 Janis: Good Janis: make sure you have something to see Jimmy: be a shit nurse if you can't find me whenever you need owt Janis: you're very dedicated to all your jobs, I remember Jimmy: still should've checked on you before now Janis: nah Janis: had no reason to Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: alright, being 🥇 fake boyfriend-nurse would've maybe kept her out of your DMs a day longer Jimmy: til she breaks her leg or something 🤞 I'll be back round for a house call Janis: don't be doing house calls for no one else Jimmy: I ain't doing 'em for you either, that 🚍 took fucking ages Janis: basically live in the 🏞 Jimmy: and you can't do an assault course 💔 gutted Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Calm down, it were my fault Janis: it was stupid, is what it was Jimmy: yeah, I were Janis: nah Janis: I was the one who fell on my arse Jimmy: don't be making it sound like you and Ella are in the same boat Jimmy: that's like saying it's my own fault Asia dropped me on my arse Janis: it's sizeable Janis: 🍑 Jimmy: you giving me a compliment or taking the piss? Janis: which would you prefer Jimmy: you meant it how you meant it, Jules, nowt to do with me Janis: 😏 Jimmy: are you not gonna tell us? Janis: can't a girl have any secrets Jimmy: if that's the kind of fake girlfriend you wanna be Janis: I can't just compliment you Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos it's not fake at all Jimmy: I won't tweet it to the fans then Jimmy: everything you say to me don't have to be fake Janis: like everything we do Jimmy: I'm not nursing you back to health 'cause it's #goals Jimmy: I know it winds you up not being able to do nowt and I want you to feel better Janis: I actually appreciate it Janis: you know that Jimmy: but I'm not doing it for that either Jimmy: you can be a twat if you want or if it hurts, I don't care Janis: if your sister does the walks, I'll give her the cash, I'm not gonna be that twat at any rate Jimmy: she gets 💰 for doing ours, no need for you to lose out Jimmy: and before you start, it's Ian paying out Janis: I'll discuss it with her Jimmy: or you'll just listen to me and leave it out, how about that? Jimmy: I'll only get her to give me a hand if I've got work Jimmy: write your schedule down or whatever Janis: alright, hang on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [amalgamating your calendar for what dogs needs walking and when tomorrow] Janis: even if you could do the AM, then I'd be rested enough to do the afternoon shift Janis: [list of some of the dogs] these ones only really need taking out, so I can do then and sit whilst they 💩 Janis: but [other list] these ones actually want the exercise Jimmy: no bloody wonder it ain't healed Jimmy: is there a 🐕 about you ain't walking? steady on, dickhead Janis: just LOVE 💰💰💰 obvs Janis: and not being in the house Jimmy: Oi where's that list I done? scroll up Jimmy: you can buy us a 🐅 and whatever else it were Janis: bet 🐅 need LOADS of walking Janis: giving yourself another job there, boy Jimmy: let it eat my 🐕 and it won't be any extra Janis: definitely RSPCA Jimmy: crack on Jimmy: best place for it, can find a home that ain't full of dickheads Jimmy: maybe the dad in that one'll run it by 'em before it brings it back Jimmy: he* Janis: 🎁puppy? Janis: how cliche Janis: did you not give him your list? Jimmy: I don't give him nowt unless it's 🖕 obvs Janis: fair Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: rebel with the one cause, me Janis: ☕ Jimmy: 🛏⛓ duh Janis: remind me to check for sledgehammers before I get in bed with you again Jimmy: if that's what you wanna call it, don't let me stop you 😏 far as compliments go Janis: 😂 shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: alright, one more drop off then I'll be with you Jimmy: ⏲ but be careful, like Janis: 👀 open, I know Jimmy: you'll have loads of time to close 'em in a bit Janis: as long as I get to look at you for a bit before that Jimmy: I get it, as uniforms go, could've done worse Jimmy: tah @ my 👻 manager Janis: not my kink, thank you Jimmy: UGH fine I'll take it off, stop begging Janis: do you have a defibrillator? the 👵 are gonna be hitting the deck Janis: not in a suggestive way Jimmy: Oi I have that effect on 👴 an' all Janis: in yours dreams, babes Jimmy: in sirs Jimmy: and stop messing me about! Either you can read minds or you can't Jimmy: what's the truth, Jolene? Janis: only when the 🧠 is predictable Janis: 💁 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you aren't mad I like you for your ⚒ not your 🧠 Jimmy: get out of my head, you, how's a lad meant to stay fit and mysterious? Janis: far as the fans know Jimmy: steady on, that were almost a promise to keep my secrets there Janis: only the ones that are mutually beneficial Janis: neither of us needs to be outed for fake dating, s'why it works as a deal Jimmy: even if we were, nobody'd believe it, that's why it works Janis: exactly, if one of us went 😤 😠 😡 🤬 and tried to 💣💥 then we'd just look like we were chatting shit Janis: foolproof in that way at least Jimmy: if you wanna smack that lass I'll think of a way to make it #goals, nowt I can't Janis: alright, don't make me 🤤 Jimmy: don't you make me have to get a mop out Janis: 🚬 break, baby Janis: no work required Jimmy: alright, if you want me 🤤 an' all you're going the right way about it Janis: maybe you can take TWENTY minutes instead 🥴 Jimmy: depends Janis: go on Jimmy: if you'll live Jimmy: don't reckon we do have one of them defibrillators Janis: depends as well, that Jimmy: yeah, can you take it or can't you? Janis: 'course I can Jimmy: 20 then Janis: loads I can do for you in 20 Jimmy: just come here Janis: [picture walking with no dogs like omw] Jimmy: already behaving for me? 🏆😍🤤 Janis: I just wanna see you Jimmy: [a picture like 👋 cos he's a nerd] Janis: rude Jimmy: soz I don't have any nudes to hand Janis: 1. amateur 2. not what I meant 3. that you look like that Jimmy: 1. Oi 2. maybe you should say what you mean 3. you're one to talk Janis: I did Jimmy: I'll let you off then Janis: really are 👮 aren't ya Jimmy: 🚔🚨 Jimmy: don't tell that lass I could have her in handcuffs Janis: not rushing into her inbox for anything, let alone that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: she's such a dick Jimmy: I get now why she's so 😍 for me, she ain't got a clue about her angles Jimmy: right crime, that Janis: no angle is hiding that Janis: 💔 Jimmy: I could make her look #goals if there were a gun to my head Janis: shh, don't give her ideas Janis: not allowed to 💀 for her socials Jimmy: if she's listening, it'll be you who's getting 💀💀💀 Jimmy: soz I fucked you over by not being able to get enough of you Janis: I reckon I can handle that Jimmy: for 20 minutes yeah, you said Janis: maybe after that and all Janis: see how we feel, like Jimmy: see how you feel after you've been stuck in my bed for ages with me fussing over you, more like Janis: that too Jimmy: my 💰's on 🤬🤬🤬 Janis: not a bet I'd take Janis: too easy Jimmy: you don't reckon it'll be easy for me to make you 😍😍🤤🤤 again an' all? Janis: you reckon it will be? Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: yeah, it's a question Janis: answer it Jimmy: answer mine Janis: how can I answer that Jimmy: with a yeah or a no Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 25% Jimmy: you making a 💕 scale now? Janis: 😍 🥰 😘 😗 😙 😚 😋 😛 😝 😜 🤪 🤨 Janis: sliding scale, that one Jimmy: you ain't got 🤤 or 😳 though Janis: UGH Janis: 😍 🥰 😳 🤤 😘 😗 😙 😚 😋 😛 😝 😜 🤪 🤨 Jimmy: Where are you then? Janis: currently Janis: this dead-in-the-eyes one OBVS 😛 Jimmy: hot Janis: you're 😳 deffo Jimmy: piss off I'm always 😘 Janis: nah Janis: the steam Jimmy: is that a #kinkunlocked with you or what? Janis: just facts Janis: [making self seen in the window like hey] Jimmy: [immediately coming out to kiss her as if it's been years instead of days] Janis: [the most extra moment] Jimmy: [we'll allow it lads] Janis: [shit got intense] Jimmy: [yeah it really did and lbr even if it hadn't you'd still have missed each other] Janis: [casually missed you way too much to be comfortable with] Jimmy: [likewise and also feel bad about her ankle so we have lifted her off the ground during this makeout] Janis: [just rest up on this cafe like no one is watching oh you two] Jimmy: [not even putting on a show rn though we're just doing what we wanna BYE] Janis: [that's how it is from now tbh that's the tea] Jimmy: [sadly not doing everything that they wanna because you're in public thank you but being as extra as we can get away with] Janis: [just enjoy the time you have] Jimmy: [another shit party will be upon you soon enough, you can do whatever you want then] Janis: [casually not wanting to go when time is up] Jimmy: [stay for a bit gal you've got an ankle to rest] Janis: [so unnatural in this environment] Jimmy: [at least he can go off menu for your food and drink choices because christ knows] Janis: where are you now? Jimmy: on which scale? Janis: Both, if you like Jimmy: I don't think I need to tell you where I am on the 💕 one, wouldn't take a 🧠📖 Jimmy: you can probably feel where I am on the other an' all, reckon you're there yourself Janis: alright, fit and mysterious Janis: I get it Jimmy: is it a mystery that I don't wanna be here? Jimmy: must be a top actor 🏆🥇 Janis: your customer service voice won't be a turn-on, promise you that Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: so you're not gonna leave me a tip? Janis: 😱 Janis: #diditallforthetip Jimmy: that a mystery an' all? Jimmy: you're losing your touch, girl Janis: psh Janis: no mystery, maybe I respect the hustle Janis: no, keep your money, no need to lose out Janis: yeah right Jimmy: 😏 Janis: shameless, some might say Jimmy: some will have done Jimmy: what are you gonna say? Janis: officially? Janis: sharing my location, OBVS Jimmy: officially there's never any mystery DUH Janis: so in-synch so trusting yeah Jimmy: unless it's #datenight 😱😱 Jimmy: a lad's allowed his secrets for a bit then Janis: a good idea for when we aren't obligated to SHOW UP to these bullshit parties Jimmy: I get it, you're still 😭 you still can't dance Jimmy: soon baby Janis: I can dance, you won't let me Jimmy: Oi, pick your moments I'm 😭 there ain't a nurse emoji Jimmy: how am I supposed to #flex? Janis: NO emoji can show how caring you are, babes Jimmy: BABE Jimmy: I need everyone to know I have the outfit Jimmy: ugh I'll have to get my 📷 out again, takes the piss, that Janis: GURL 😤 Janis: unless someone has a costume party for their birthday, you CANNOT Jimmy: 🥺 Janis: it's a tragedy Janis: will 👏 halloween 👏 hurry 👏 up Jimmy: that's every day when you're 👻💕🧛 Janis: for my 👀 only Janis: but I'll take some 🔥 shots without your consent, 'course Jimmy: how 🔥 can they be without MY help? Janis: RUDENESS! Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: [IRL 😛] Jimmy: you've never looked more 🥇 or 🔥 Janis: shut up or publically declare it Jimmy: [cue some extra posts on socials] Janis: [extra ass reply about how hard it is to let him work like you don't mean it at all okay] Jimmy: [we're just flirting hardcore and we mean every word] Janis: how do you do this Janis: ignore all the 🤤 Jimmy: other than being a fake deaf mute? Janis: some of them must be at least a little 😜 though Janis: not all 🤨🤢🤮 Jimmy: why must they? Janis: odds Janis: not every customer can be Janis: well, maybe they can Jimmy: I ain't bothered, that's about me not them Jimmy: already got one work place romeo in @iantaylor8 Janis: fair Janis: be a weird one to be 💪🏆 about Janis: with your dad, anyway Janis: other barista boys, OBVS 🙄 Jimmy: worse than new boy, that Janis: not like you have nametags or anything Jimmy: [looks down at his like what bollocks does mine say today] Janis: you do all look much of a muchness Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're definitely like, top 3 though Jimmy: you're just being a dickhead now Janis: [IRL 😏] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: very ungrateful Janis: still placed podium Jimmy: what do I always say? Janis: is that a trick question? Jimmy: yeah, if you pay attention to owt Jimmy: keep your 🥈🥉 Janis: I'm paying you plenty of attention Jimmy: if that's the best you can do, we can call it plenty Janis: 😒 Janis: erm, didn't BARELY 👀 at that other lad mopping up that spill for you for nothing Jimmy: very ungrateful, me Jimmy: you said it Janis: MEAN too Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: [comes over and gives her something like a 🍪 in a very flirty manner like am I though] Janis: ['bribery' but as per whispering so everything is saucier than it needs to be] Jimmy: [looks over at the tip jar and back at her with a little lol like] Janis: ['so pushy!' but a lol and a LOOK, and is obvs gonna pay at the end we're not cheeky] Jimmy: [always gotta give her a LOOK back but this one is even more extra cos we have to walk away at the same time] Janis: [actual pouting, like obvs in an OTT way but we know you mean it] Jimmy: [we all know he's gonna come back and kiss her for that pouty lip goodness because his manager is not around] Janis: [not like any customer didn't see you making out outside, live ya lives] Jimmy: [sadly the flatwhites aren't here but it gives us an excuse to have another moment™ when they are] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [do some actual work but send LOOKS her way because it's been a long few days without the bae] Janis: I can head out Janis: 'til you're done Jimmy: none of the fans are here running a ⏲ far as I can 👀 Janis: just the ones who NEED everyone to know they NEED to be back in the office asap Jimmy: hang on, Mia's dad's here???! 😱😱 Janis: and you, without a lick of makeup on Janis: honestly, how are you going to catch a man, never mind keep one Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: doubt he's a bigger tipper than 💀👑 Jimmy: 1. I've always got my 🤡 face on 2. I LOVE him for his 💙 and values, tah very much Janis: 1. JUST his type, give or take a few shades towards the orange 2. big yikes sis Jimmy: would've thought it'd be the whiter the better, FULL of surprises, him Jimmy: can't wait to send him my nudes and how many words I can type a minute!! 🍆💦 Janis: oh, strictly FAKE tan honey Janis: lucky for you Janis: 🤞 you get IT Jimmy: legs uncrossed Jimmy: streaky with my bottled tan Janis: stop trying to make me jealous Jimmy: if you'd JUST learn to share we could sort that threesome Janis: sounds like a trio of 🥉 to me Jimmy: I won't have you talking about yourself like that, sweetheart Jimmy: put me out of a job Janis: fuck off 😂 Janis: 💭 up a better third and it could be 🥇 Jimmy: walking out would put me out of a job an' all 💔 Jimmy: unless my manager's our 3rd Janis: 👻🧛👻 Janis: every gals dream Jimmy: 🤞 you don't feel him more than you do me, that'd be my nightmare Janis: awh Janis: baby Jimmy: [sad face] Janis: stop it Janis: everyone gonna rush over with 💰 and I won't be able to get close Jimmy: [comes over under the pretence of cleaning up as if you need to be getting as close as you are to do that, boy] Janis: [just being over-friendly like OMG thank you SO much] Jimmy: [being OTT touchy feely in return but we know you're not really doing it for tips this time lol] Janis: you're trying to get me to 😳 on the scale, yeah Jimmy: keeping you on brand, every dickhead knows pink is your colour Janis: I suit every colour Jimmy: it's only hats you don't, head that big Janis: and hair Janis: a struggle Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: you're really getting put through it, yeah? Janis: mhmm Janis: where is your care and attention now, honestly Jimmy: I've got struggles of my own, don't I? Janis: you mean I didn't make you feel better? Jimmy: 1. it's my job to make you feel better 2. I just wanna do that and I can't Janis: 1. **2nd or 3rd job though 2. then I'll go 'til you can 🤏 easier to miss you when you aren't right there Jimmy: 1. Depends how you're ranking 'em 2. 🤏 rude Janis: 1. 💍 to this one, I know 2. I meant it VERY nicely 😇 Jimmy: Where are you going then? Janis: 🤷 Janis: see where my 👣 take me, just quirky like that Jimmy: why are you trying to sabotage all my hard work? Jimmy: that ankle ain't meant to be taking you nowhere Jimmy: at least chuck an 👵 out of her 🦽 or nick a 🛒 off her put upon daughter/son/husband Janis: no 🏃💃 I promise Jimmy: 😒 Janis: trust me Janis: wouldn't do ANYTHING to prolong my bedrest Jimmy: I remember how much it did your head in Janis: some parts of it Jimmy: 🖋 me a list, it's not a bollocks ploy to get you to stay off your feet for a bit longer or owt, I'll TOTALLY read it Janis: only of the bits I didn't like Janis: gonna tell you what I did later Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👋 then Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [blows actual at him as she goes] Jimmy: [we're just watching her leave as per] Janis: earn those tips babe Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Imma hit up Bill for a 🖋 Jimmy: you should've said, I've had given you one Janis: know you've got a sharpie Janis: want a full feather and ink job Jimmy: bit rude of you to assume I don't have them in my pocket an' all Janis: you were very pleased to see me Jimmy: yeah Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: you can tell me the truth you know, I've worked out you're going dress shopping for the fake 👰💍🤵 Janis: LOVE to be that psychotic Janis: make 'em be my bridesmaids Jimmy: keep your 🥊 up in case you see that lass in there having a try on Janis: fight over the dress, the 🤵 Janis: definitely a romcom Jimmy: buy the one she 💀💀💀 Jimmy: * in Janis: hot Janis: she's short as fuck though, look ridiculous Jimmy: I'll wear it then Janis: hotter Janis: nurse outfit who? Jimmy: save that for the honeymoon, depending where we go depends what you manage to fall off but Janis: full-body cast is not condusive to a wedding LEWK or a good time Jimmy: would make you look fat Janis: well that's uncalled for Jimmy: soz they don't do slimline plaster casts, babes Janis: soz I said your arse was 🍑 Janis: you've taken that to heart, obvs Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: thicc or sensitive? Jimmy: both, obvs Janis: 👀🍵 Jimmy: why are you chucking pea soup at me? Janis: it's tea and I am sipping it, HUN Jimmy: you don't drink green tea, hun Janis: you can't take a compliment Jimmy: you ain't given me any Janis: umm Janis: are you forgetting sledgehammer Jimmy: I said that, you were trying to call me Kathy Bates, nowt complimentary there Janis: now you're just tearing other gals down Jimmy: she'll live Jimmy: if she still is Janis: probably not Janis: lucky cow Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: you know you're 🥵 Jimmy: that'll be the steam you like to go on about Janis: nah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: where's the thank you? Jimmy: that's not why you give compliments, dickhead Janis: it is Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: give me one at least Jimmy: I'm going to this party with you, that's a massive compliment Janis: you're going for you though Jimmy: I'm going so you can start your murder spree and I can watch Janis: oh 😳 Jimmy: the only kink of mine that lass'd ever unlock Janis: good Janis: she better not Jimmy: I'm not gonna dump you for her Janis: don't Janis: you have taste Janis: and a 🧠 Jimmy: you're the only fake girlfriend I want Janis: it works for me too Jimmy: good Janis: 👌 Jimmy: [enough time to have passed that while he's meant to working hard he's drawn a picture of her that's very complimentary because she wanted one and he obvs misses her] Janis: glad you didn't put that on any bitch's latte Janis: it's 🎨🖼 Jimmy: it'd take ages to do your hair, these #bossbabes have shit to do, Jasmine Janis: don't need 'em 😭 into it with 💚 Jimmy: only fun to make you jealous, obvs Janis: you've never made me jealous Jimmy: alright Janis: don't you sound unconvinced like that Jimmy: I won't when you convince me Janis: Easy Jimmy: go on Janis: why would I be jealous Janis: you don't wanna fuck her Jimmy: you know that now, you didn't when you were Janis: when do you think I was Jimmy: come on Janis: serious Janis: I told you on the bus what it was about Jimmy: alright Janis: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: I said alright Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What? Janis: never mind Jimmy: stop trying to have a 🥊 with me Janis: why you casting aspersions on my good name Jimmy: Why are you making up words? 🤓 Janis: gaslighter Janis: deffo a word Jimmy: 💀👑's fave Janis: that's me Janis: 💁 Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: yep Janis: jade green, you Jimmy: @ her she'll be well chuffed Janis: not fun, is it Jimmy: being her fave? I wouldn't know Janis: @ing her Jimmy: Depends Janis: making her 😤 😠 😡 🤬 duh Janis: not 💚 Jimmy: same thing Janis: that's why you reckon I'm so jealous Jimmy: leave it out Janis: alright Jimmy: you're not in the same boat as her Janis: tell me about it Janis: 🛶 to her 🚤 Jimmy: dunno nowt about 🚤 soz Janis: I'm so 💔 Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: Ian's been a letdown in every sense Janis: put it on the list Janis: or was it Janis: either way Jimmy: might use my sharpie to write it on his head so all the lass' have been warned Janis: DOESN'T HAVE A YACHT Jimmy: can't even spell it Jimmy: #thickANDnorthern Janis: do a doodle, babes Jimmy: I've told you, I've only got the one muse Jimmy: and I've done my 🎨 for the day any road Janis: fair Jimmy: @ him with your commissions, bound to find you dead inspiring an' all Janis: be a bit weird Janis: not even seen a 📸 Jimmy: be better off using your 💭😍 Janis: thought as much Janis: not gonna be a 💀👑 daddy Jimmy: who is? He's 💰💪🏆🥇💰 that one Janis: we could all wish Jimmy: we all DO, mate 🤞💭💕 Janis: s'weird Jimmy: that she wants to fuck her dad? Yeah obvs Jimmy: even if my mum's legged it and got 💰💰 I won't be suggesting it to her 💌 Janis: well, yeah Janis: but DaddyIssues™ in general Janis: how many of them are actually about it, fucked Jimmy: don't worry it ain't a #kinkunlocked Jimmy: we can leave my shit parents out of it Jimmy: save money on the fake 👰💍🤵 while we're there Janis: mine an' all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: my mum is partial to a fake illegal wedding, so she'd stay away for the #vibe of it Jimmy: won't be offended, have that affect on mums, like Janis: 🥁 Jimmy: *🎻 Janis: 'course Janis: very concerned Jimmy: still be a better party than the one in a bit Janis: duh Janis: can't fake it better than we can Jimmy: they can't do nowt better, real or fake Jimmy: and we can't stop being #goals Janis: it's the fake happiest day of your life, how couldn't that beat hanging about real dickheads being real boring Jimmy: unless you've 🤰👶 before it then owt else is pointless by comparison Jimmy: gotta use all your fake happiness up on that Janis: not walking 'round with a pillow up my top for 9 months, tah Jimmy: SUCH a part timer, you Janis: of course you'd LOVE it Jimmy: how'd you work that out? Janis: you wouldn't let me do anything, it's the PERFECT time to get out the handcuffs Jimmy: SO soz I've stumbled on my calling and unlocked my ultimate kink, Janet! GOD Jimmy: no need to 🌧 on it Janis: just saying, WELL sure this is how accidents happen, 6/10 REAL babies come from these fake elaborate schemes Jimmy: it ain't my fault all you paddys are still using the pull out and pray method Janis: heathen Jimmy: it's the only thing my parents didn't fuck up, tah Jimmy: no need to get him involved in my sob story an' all Janis: 3 isn't a bad score Janis: unless you got more Jimmy: might be why she left, been ages if she just went to grab 🚬 or milk Janis: could be Janis: bit of a flair for the dramatic but then you'd make sense so Jimmy: dunno why she wouldn't have just had it first and left it with him an' all but Janis: as a baby being the wrong colour survivor, throw that out there Janis: giving her the credit of working it out before seeing it's face Jimmy: plot hole being that there ain't any black or asian people in the north Jimmy: they've got more sense Janis: know for a fact Bradford exists, seen the gritty dramas so, don't lie to me, boy Janis: not to mention the soul part of, you lot didn't know you had one before Jimmy: How far my mum did or didn't travel for her dick appointments is none of my business, girl Janis: not one for the family calendar, no Jimmy: far as the gossip goes, reckon it were a few streets one way or the other Jimmy: explain where all the 💰 were going if I had half siblings in every 🏠 along Jimmy: 🤞 my ex weren't one though, be a bit awkward Janis: awkward is one word for it Jimmy: at least I know her 👶 ain't mine Jimmy: could nick it though, when we need one, every dickhead knows all white people look alike Janis: and if she's your sister, just say your genes are that 💪 Janis: how old is it Jimmy: @ her that's something we might need to know Janis: just need to know how fake sad I need to be for the poor bitch Jimmy: it don't have 🦷 but neither does the dad so Jimmy: maybe his genes are that 💪 Janis: lord Jimmy: bit late to tell her about the pull out and pray thing Janis: helpful to console my sister when she next gets dumped Janis: least he had 🦷 babes Jimmy: chin up, Gracie Jimmy: weren't 👴 with no 💰 Jimmy: and you didn't 💍 soon as you turned 16 Janis: older lady Janis: interesting Jimmy: you reckon she did it to one up me? Janis: weird flex Jimmy: when I get Mr Lucas she'll be 💚 and 💔 Janis: you about that then Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: idk Jimmy: you obvs wanna know something, go on Janis: I don't Jimmy: 👌 I'll shut up Janis: me too Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yeah, party party Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: 🍺 🍻 🥂 🍷 🥃 🍸 🍹 🍾 Jimmy: that'd do Jimmy: sure you don't want 🍵 though? Janis: psh Janis: do you want to have a good time in the time we ain't faking it or do you wanna be wearing green in all the ways Jimmy: I'm trying to make sure you do, baby, nowt I wouldn't do to make you happy Jimmy: heard you LOVE 🍵 Janis: such a twat 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: I miss you an' all Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: bored though, does that count? Jimmy: does it count towards what? Janis: missing you Jimmy: I don't care why you wanna see me, just that you do Janis: I wanna see you Janis: more Jimmy: come back Janis: it's not fair Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanna be distracting Janis: but I don't Jimmy: you are, it don't matter if you're here or not Janis: should matter, a bit Jimmy: Oi, you know what I mean Janis: yeah Janis: I reckon Jimmy: 🧠📖 Janis: can we Janis: go bed first Janis: just this one time, like, not gonna complain Jimmy: Why not? Jimmy: can do whatever you want Janis: but what do you want to do Jimmy: do I have to take back your 🧠📖🏆 or what? Janis: just Jimmy: I want you, dickhead Janis: good Jimmy: it will be when I'm not pissing about here serving ☕ for dickheads who aren't you Janis: ain't even gonna ask you to make me a 🍵 Janis: very serious Jimmy: I won't ask you to make me a 🥪 then, even though I'm SUCH a #lad Janis: fully expecting you to prove it in the other way so that's fine Jimmy: it ain't been long enough that I should need to prove owt but alright Janis: need/want, an argument we can have if you really fancy Jimmy: that's nerd flirting Janis: reckon it is Jimmy: we've FINALLY cracked it, babe Janis: she'll be SO proud Jimmy: do you reckon the 🏆 will be REAL gold? Janis: 🤞 Janis: then we can fuck on the 🚤 Jimmy: if you bother to learn chess when you're resting tomorrow she'll give you another one and then we can 💰💰 the yacht an' all Janis: 😍 Janis: it's a plan Jimmy: you gonna teach me after? Janis: 'course Janis: my fair lady Jimmy: I can't do the accent soz Janis: we'll work on it Jimmy: be a shit roleplay if not Janis: I don't want to be your rich daddy, FYI, so soz Jimmy: I'll live Janis: good Janis: plenty I do wanna do 'til you fuck off and 💀💀💀 Jimmy: do I get a preview or what? Janis: you know I've not punched her out for the dress yet but Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: [some saucy selfie from a changing room] Jimmy: you just said you didn't want me to 💀💀💀 Janis: I said I'd miss you when you did Jimmy: I'll miss you when I do Janis: thendon't miss me now Jimmy: then come here Janis: alright Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: I can take the blame easier than I do a compliment Janis: I don't have to compliment you Janis: or say anything I just Janis: dunno Jimmy: I'm crap with words but that don't mean you have to shut up an' all Jimmy: we can't both be mute Janis: I'm not better though so Janis: maybe we can Jimmy: you're alright Janis: thanks Jimmy: I get how sarcastic that sounded but it weren't Janis: I know Janis: it's easier being fake Jimmy: is it? Janis: for what to say, like Jimmy: any bollocks will do Janis: you reckon any of them mean it Jimmy: probably shouldn't open up a Q&A about it Janis: obvs Janis: how fake is your relationship, lemme know gals Jimmy: start a twitter poll Janis: later Janis: got somewhere to be right now Jimmy: right Janis: 5 minutes Jimmy: Oi no 🏃 Janis: 10 then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least I didn't get home Jimmy: Do you need to? Janis: never Jimmy: I don't have a dress you can borrow Janis: you might not have noticed Janis: but I was in a changing room in that picture Jimmy: yeah I was well bothered about your surroundings Janis: thought as much Janis: all about the aesthetic, as per Jimmy: what else are you thinking? Janis: you Jimmy: if that's a question I'm thinking how long 10 minutes is Janis: wasn't meant to be but Janis: same Jimmy: are you gonna hang about this time? Janis: depends Jimmy: go on Janis: if you want me to Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: I wanna be with you Jimmy: Then stay Janis: alright Jimmy: it's a bit quieter now, you won't have to 🥊👵 for access to the tip jar Janis: my main concern Janis: of course Jimmy: no need to be a mind reader to know that Janis: good thing you don't need to read my mind to do any of this Jimmy: there's nowt I'd need to read your mind for, I've got my own Lucas fantasies, tah Janis: now who can't share Jimmy: never said I could or would Janis: 😤 Janis: what's yours is mine, babes Jimmy: you wanting me for my 🧠 brain sounds fake Janis: wanting you to give me things is the REALEST Jimmy: the 🐅 is on order, my dear Janis: but where is 👴 Janis: oh yeah, ⛓ in your other bed Jimmy: how many beds do you reckon I've got? Jimmy: he'll be ⛓ next to you and you're welcome Janis: ⛓ to me? 🥺 Jimmy: Alright Janis: awh baby Janis: you're the best Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: come prove it Jimmy: or you come here and we can go round the back so I don't have to prove it to anyone but you Janis: how could I refuse an offer like that Jimmy: you might do if having everyone 👀 is a #kinkunlocked Janis: I'll survive Jimmy: I'd be a shit nurse if I can't manage that Janis: never Janis: [show up] Jimmy: [thank god his manager isn't here cos we don't need to be getting in trouble today] Janis: [got time for that lads] Jimmy: [it's not a cockblock we need rn] Janis: [live ya lives tbh] Jimmy: [it's deserved] Janis: [gotta get to this shit party in a while] Jimmy: [we'll do our best to try and let you have some fun there too but yeah] Janis: [you know you will, gotta pretend to be put upon] Jimmy: [mmhmm] Janis: [meanwhile, chill whilst he finishes here] Jimmy: [try not to be too distracting by which I mean please be very distracting haha] Janis: [casually so obvious to everyone what you just did like] Jimmy: [once again devastated Mia isn't here to be devastated but we can't have everything] Janis: [sure one of your coworkers/if not multiple can be trusted to say something] Jimmy: [Pete would NEVER but there's bound to be loads of annoying barista girls who work there] Janis: [can't all be good boys] Jimmy: [shoutout to him for blatantly covering for Jimothy there because I doubt very much you were due another break sir] Janis: [you'd be so lucky, casual MVP tho] Jimmy: [we stan Pete and this lifelong friendship between you and your future children so] Janis: everyone 🔊 you, mute boy Jimmy: your fault, that Janis: 🤏 yours Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: what's the blonde girl's name Jimmy: why? Janis: keeps 👀 at me funny Jimmy: maybe she heard you Janis: what you saying Janis: I sound funny? Jimmy: might be how she does 😍 Jimmy: not every dickhead's as good at flirting as me Janis: *nerd flirting Jimmy: hang on, I'll ask her if she knows how to play chess Janis: she'd 💘 that Janis: check out her name tag whilst you're there Jimmy: she'd love that it'd look like I was 👀 at her tits Janis: exactly Janis: just get express permission 'fore you 🖐 then it's fine Jimmy: fine for her Janis: who else? Jimmy: me if I were gonna bother Janis: 🙄 alright Jimmy: what are you 🙄 at me for? Janis: well I ain't looking at her tits, am I Janis: good one Jimmy: it won't be right any road Jimmy: none of the name tags are Janis: how do you not know Jimmy: What 'cause I'm BFFs with her? Janis: if I can remember however many dogs stupid names Janis: well unprofessional Jimmy: I can't remember yours, why would I bother to commit hers to memory? Janis: be more believable if she hadn't heard you Jimmy: it were you saying mine that she would've heard Jimmy: I've not said yours Janis: shut up Jimmy: bit late for it Janis: ugh Janis: [going to the toilets] Jimmy: 💕 Janis: do some work Jimmy: I'm a bit busy chatting to blonde barista #1 Jimmy: we're gonna be mates by the end of this shift or my name ain't Jamie Janis: see, yours is your real name Janis: full of shit, you Jimmy: her name's gotta be Reagan then Janis: 👍 Jimmy: is there owt else you wanna know? Janis: can find out the rest myself Jimmy: 👍 Janis: enjoy then Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: [flying out this bathroom] Jimmy: watch your ankle Janis: it's my ankle Jimmy: tah for clearing that up Jimmy: you wanna carry on with why you're getting mardy for the next thing? Janis: no Jimmy: what? Janis: just leave it Jimmy: no Janis: then I'll leave Janis: this is stupid Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: why should I? Janis: you ain't Jimmy: I haven't done nowt Janis: then it's just how you are Janis: me and all Janis: chuck a #fated on it, whatever Jimmy: long as you chuck a load more #s after it to tell me what's up with you Janis: there's a word limit, surely Jimmy: that what's done it, is it? Janis: Sorry my life story ain't fitting in a tweet Jimmy: the fans an' all Janis: 💔 Jimmy: just Janis: don't matter Janis: gotta get shoes Jimmy: don't go Janis: don't need to stick around to have her judging me Jimmy: she's not asking you to, I am Janis: thanks for clearing that up Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: seen not heard again Janis: 👌 Jimmy: I'm trying to talk to you Janis: what, then Jimmy: I'm sorry for being a twat Janis: you don't Janis: what you saying sorry for Jimmy: I dunno but I've done something obvs Janis: really sincere then Jimmy: I wouldn't have said it if it weren't Janis: how can you be sorry for something you don't know you did Janis: don't need your impression of a middle-aged bloke, tah Jimmy: 'cause I know it's made you go into a strop with me Janis: I ain't in a fucking strop, for starters Jimmy: call it what you want Janis: don't you call it a strop, twat Jimmy: okay Janis: I ain't gonna say sorry Janis: but it's fine Jimmy: I don't want you to Janis: good then, ain't it Jimmy: is it? Janis: don't it feel it? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one that's easy enough to answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to an' all Janis: why would I ask a question I knew the answer to? Jimmy: 'cause you don't wanna answer any Janis: I've answered all your questions what you on about Jimmy: then why don't I know what's upset you? Janis: you're just that oblivious, I reckon Janis: it's alright, upset's too strong a word Jimmy: so put another word to it Janis: you've mildly annoyed me Janis: most people do Jimmy: how? Janis: do we have to Janis: you've blanket statement apologized Jimmy: alright Janis: what you want me to stay for anyway? Jimmy: you said you wanted to Janis: I wanted to see you Janis: not have a cake and a coffee Jimmy: do what you want then Janis: obviously Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [out again lmao] Jimmy: [watching her go again but 😒 this time] Janis: [oh you two] Jimmy: [do you wanna do a skip to when he's done here?] Janis: [makes sense boo] Jimmy: We going to this party or what? Janis: that's the plan Jimmy: the plan were you'd meet me here Jimmy: where are you? Janis: had enough of that place for a lifetime Janis: 'round the corner, you know the gym? Janis: on the way so you come here Jimmy: I'll find it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [show up like this isn't gonna be really awkward] Janis: [barely nodding a hello and walking on] Jimmy: [just gotta follow her cos you don't know where you're going] Janis: [hope this isn't a particularly long walk lol, especially in the heels you've bought despite your ankle 'cos gotta be that bitch] Jimmy: [we all know he's noticed them and is fuming but we're not saying a word obvs] Janis: [fun times lmao] Jimmy: [🚬 because if it's not a long walk it gives him an excuse to stay outside for a bit because we don't wanna do this rn or lowkey ever] Janis: [always so lowkey offended when he doesn't offer her one but likewise, what you gonna say] Jimmy: [it's his ultimate shade, feel it gal] Janis: [at least you secured another bottle so you can now not share that like if that's how we being] Jimmy: [I'm loling cos she'd be taller than him in heels] Janis: [tom cruise whomst] Jimmy: [at least she actually is tall and not just like 5 ft 4 but taller than you that'd be worse] Janis: [you're hot you don't need to be insecure boy] Jimmy: [we all know he isn't, well not about that anyway, the other issues are strong but] Janis: [neither of you has that going on lol] Jimmy: [literally going straight into the kitchen to see what booze there is the second we're there because we're not asking the bae to share with us we'd rather die] Janis: [just having to make a point of finding whoever's party this is and being chummy af] Jimmy: [take a bottle boy and get stuck into it because I doubt the CG closes that late so you're probably here early again] Janis: [giving him a hot sec before] Janis: right, are you gonna come at least look at me or what Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me how to do this Janis: you aren't doing it at all right now so Janis: how am I meant to know Jimmy: [comes in and kisses her in a really extra fashion to make a point] Janis: [SUCH an aggressive kiss, nbd people] Jimmy: [oh the vibe there is rn, excuse us everyone] Janis: [at least this can be a bigger, more actually happening party when it gets going but for rn] Jimmy: [for rn we're kissing and downing whatever this beverage is between said kisses and looking hot doing it] Janis: [when you wanna take this somewhere more private but you don't 'cos then you'll have to stop so just endlessly making out] Jimmy: [and you also don't wanna have to talk to her or look at her so it's easier to just keep kissing] Janis: [excuse you, the few randoms that are here already lol] Jimmy: [makes me die to imagine the scene] Janis: [assumedly it's like the close friends already hanging then you two just show up like ook] Jimmy: [with your PDA and intense vibe] Janis: [ahh the drama, eventually break off by going in his pocket and taking the essentials like bye with a wink] Jimmy: [at least you can take your turn being fake social with these party goers jimothy, use that barista charm again] Janis: [dragging this smoke out for as long as humanly possible] Jimmy: [comes out after it's been ages and gives her his jacket because that's the fake bf thing to do not because he's worried she's cold or anything caring like that] Janis: [surruptitiously looking around to see who/if anyone can see, so she knows how buzzing to be about this gesture 'tah' but snuggling into it all cute case anyone looking out the kitchen window] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we have that 😎 rep anyway so we don't have to worry] Janis: [hearing a loud ass group of people showing up out front and fully sighing like thank fuck] Jimmy: [taking a huge swig and heading back inside] Janis: [go talk to these new people, convince them to dance with you] Jimmy: [oh boy that's the last thing your sulk needs, we know you can't dance] Janis: [and that you don't want her to on that ankle in these heels] Jimmy: [he's so annoyed there's no faking he's not] Janis: [ahh the fake lover's tiff that ain't even] Jimmy: [your turn to strop off sir, go to the kitchen and do some shots with people in there] Janis: [when you've danced for a sufficient amount of time, go disappear into the loo or somewhere] Janis: how do you wanna play this Janis: is it like, loud makeup sex or something more subtle Jimmy: you heard me say do what you want Janis: this isn't about what either of us want is it Janis: what will look better, that's why we're here Jimmy: go with whatever you reckon'll look better then Janis: why so I can do all the work Janis: come on Jimmy: I'll do my bit when you tell me what that is Janis: yeah, then I'll do fuck all then, oh wait, that don't work Janis: got to be a team effort Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: jesus Janis: you wanna be here all night now is it Jimmy: you just said it ain't about that Jimmy: so it don't matter, does it? Janis: if you're having a good time, then I'll say I'm sick, knock yourself out Jimmy: wouldn't be #goals of me to not give a fuck that you're sick and keep the party going Janis: very lad Janis: they'll allow it if you can at least be bothered to do a decent goodbye Jimmy: I'll just go an' all, let 'em think we're together Janis: then we may as well do what we came here to do Janis: stop being awkward Jimmy: I've done nowt wrong, stop having a go at me like I'm fucking this up Janis: all I'm trying to do is work out the next move Janis: you're being uncooperative about it Jimmy: yeah it's me who keeps pissing off, not you Janis: I was dancing in the main room Janis: I've gone to the toilet Jimmy: 👌 Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: fine Janis: I'll go back until you're ready to do something about it Jimmy: you do something about it Janis: I'm fucking trying to Janis: You want me to do something so you can complain I did it wrong after Janis: if it don't work for us both, there's no point Jimmy: Why the fuck would I want that? Janis: so you can be pissy and have a go at me Jimmy: I don't wanna fight with you Janis: then let's stop fighting on this and get it sorted Janis: why won't you if not that Jimmy: I don't know what to do, alright? Janis: alright Janis: we don't need to overcomplicate it Janis: we can leave it at routine socials, she clearly don't give a fuck anyway, does she Janis: or your new BFF Jimmy: who am I BFF's with now? Janis: the blonde girl, you said Janis: I did not know how serious the shamelessness issue was, that was an oversight on my behalf, like Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: I'm saying Janis: you could be fake married, and they'd find it hard to give a shit Jimmy: are you saying you don't wanna do this any more an' all or what? Janis: and all Janis: right Janis: when did you decide that Jimmy: I haven't decided nowt I'm asking if you're in or out or if you're just whinging about what we already know about lasses Janis: you wouldn't say it like that if you hadn't Janis: and I was saying that we might need to rethink some shit so it works better but that don't matter now Jimmy: I just did say it like that and I also just said I ain't decided nowt Jimmy: come on Jimmy: it were my idea and it's good Janis: if you reckon it's so good play the game Jimmy: fuck routine socials then Jimmy: if they're gonna be shameless, I'll be shameless Janis: alright Janis: sounds promising Jimmy: it would be if I knew what to actually do Janis: let's think Janis: obviously the #goals best boyfriend ever cutesy shit doesn't work on them all Janis: so we need to show 'em the opposite without you giving it to them, like they reckon you wanna Jimmy: the opposite being what? me playing myself? Janis: basically Janis: so, aside from ignoring them, how would you wanna respond Jimmy: I'd tell 'em to leave me the fuck alone, obvs Janis: so let's do that Janis: literally do that, not a social @ everyone Janis: they can have a 📸 each, they ain't ashamed to be direct so, worth a shot Jimmy: what about you? Jimmy: 💀👑 ain't gonna be impressed or 💔 by this Janis: the goals shit is, as she's incapable of feeling human emotions Janis: fake we're doing some cute thing this weekend, then we're off the hook for any parties for a couple of days Jimmy: Alright Janis: no need to be together actually, plenty we can fake from a distance, yeah Jimmy: easily Janis: that's alright, then Janis: come here so we can take the shots Jimmy: [does] Janis: [letting him in the bathroom, probably to the annoyance of people waiting, not soz 'can be more of a fuck you if we ain't got an audience' shrugging like you got to explain everything 'cos awkward] Jimmy: [I hope there was a line of people waiting lol] Janis: [almost certainly] Jimmy: [just looking at her because you have not dared to prior to this] Janis: [managing to look back like hey] Jimmy: [sitting on the edge of the bath like you've got all the time in the world to piss about in here because what a day and intense convo we've had] Janis: [sitting on the floor with your back to the door 'there's some old photos on my phone, that we never used, I think' you know you've not deleted 'em 'if you don't want to take more' as per talking quietly so people don't overhear] Jimmy: [comes over and takes her heels off because we're angry and worried about them in equal measure and holding his hand out for her phone like you need to scrutinise if these photos are good enough and you're not just stalling for longer] Janis: [shooketh but just handing the phone over, we all know they the ones from when it went too far and hard to post which would make them perfect for now but just hoping he's like no no lol] Jimmy: [does not remotely need to sit down ridiculously close to her and look at these so she can also see and relive the #mems but does] Janis: [just touching where he used to have a big lovebite like not there now, as if they're likely to notice] Jimmy: [does the same to her but doesn't stop at just touching it because why would he when he can just put it back there, duh] , Janis: [when the noise comes out 'cos frustration is too high rn] Jimmy: [spurring him on to keep going as if she needs any more or we need any excuses, but we're going for quality not quantity for once here because just really want her to feel it] Janis: [getting out, barely between the sounds you're making and the ones you're holding back meaning your breathing is ragged af, 'you know what we could do...'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ? because we know you can't speak rn boy and we know exactly what happened when you tried to because there's no holding anything back with you] Janis: ['video message her' just looking at him so he knows you're serious 'party girl, that is' 'cos blonde barista was not being that extra and we don't need to involve her] Jimmy: [when he would have imagined a million possible things she could've said then but never that but gets her phone from wherever it got dropped when they were having that moment so she knows he's on board] Janis: ['reckon you can make it look accidental whilst making sure she sees or are we being that shameless that we just do it without the pretense?'] Jimmy: ['I can make it look and sound however you want' because could and also how saucy did you wanna make that proposition boy] Janis: ['just-' repositioning herself to be on top of him as per 'make it look and sound like you've got everything you want, however you do it'] Jimmy: [thank god that whatever feelsy thing he was gonna say about her being everything he wants won't come out because SUCH a noise does whenever she gets on his lap because it's his shameless fave] Janis: ['like that' and we happy 'cos can't be confused about how into this we both are at least] Jimmy: [also Harry has never given you a sound like that, god bless you Jimothy, and bless you both because this will look accidental for the same reason that you end up out of frame during photoshoots, you're too into each other to care] Janis: [or made you make any kinda sound, no blessing for you boy, like truly, enjoy the brief snapshot you gonna get gal] Jimmy: [I like that though cos you don't deserve to think you matter or got under Janis' skin party gal but we are gonna enjoy the excuse to say things we wouldn't normally like how beautiful the bae is and shit like that because we can pretend it's just for the benefit of] Janis: [saying his name way more than we did earlier for that fuck you moment] Jimmy: [still not saying yours yet gal but don't worry it'll be worth the wait] Janis: [don't even care that you're not calling that girl, just need to get it out there lol] Jimmy: [I respect it] Janis: [the people outside this door must be livid] Jimmy: [I vote he should've broke her dress in some way, purely accidentally because that'll be a mood when they do have to go back to this party and it makes me lol cos you can't return that now if you wanted to] Janis: [100% down] Jimmy: [didn't notice at the time obvs but then it's like 😳 so soz gal] Janis: [style it out babe] Jimmy: [we know she won't care and she's got his jacket if needs but he'll be worried how he do] Janis: nice one, mate Jimmy: weren't EXACTLY what you were saying but close enough Janis: [😏] Janis: was there, you don't need to tell me Jimmy: I get it, too soon for reminders Jimmy: have your recovery time then Janis: fuck off with your massive head and find us some drink Jimmy: [does go and forage because kind of bf he is but we're looking back at the dress worriedly and doing an adorable worried lip bite because 😳 did not mean to be that extra] ] Janis: you're cute Janis: not my favourite Jimmy: bigheads are your type, I know Jimmy: but I've fucked the possibility of body shots 💔 the 👗'd be off you after the one Janis: ha Janis: you think you know Janis: and lads might disagrre but reckon you can see enough as is Jimmy: I do know, just heard it, along with every dickhead waiting to have a piss Janis: you act like you were silent Jimmy: not that decent of an actor, am I? Jimmy: and silent films were ages ago Janis: I can feel what's real and what ain't Janis: neither of us need to pretend we can't Janis: like I've never pretended I don't really like fucking you Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll take that compliment Jimmy: you can stop trying to give 'em out now, my dear 😏 Janis: it's you who's trying to take the piss, dickhead Jimmy: bit rude how you reckon it's not #effortless Janis: how could it be when your natural state is 🤓😍 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: sure babes Jimmy: [brings her a drink of some description] Janis: [cheersing and going in] Jimmy: [just looking at her cos we can now we're not fuming] Janis: [definitely left our shoes in that bathroom] Jimmy: [boy you've really ruined her lewk in all the ways, she's not made of money in the reboot how dare you] Janis: [she could've stole them it's fine lol, doing a thumbs up at him like ?] Jimmy: [I hope you did gal, just shamelessly touching her hair like lemme fix that for you as if that's remotely why you were staring at her] Janis: [a look like really? 😏 'cos least of the issues you've caused here] Jimmy: [shrug because we can't think about the dress issue because we're embarrassed so gotta act like we're not] Janis: [checking the phone to see if party girl has done anything but she must just be crying about it so 👍] Jimmy: [getting close to her like you wanna check the phone too but 1.you have your own 2. she told you it's fine 3. you don't actually care that much] Janis: ['happy now, baby?' gotta ask him in an extra way 'cos back in the party but also genuinely asking] Jimmy: [hugging her because it's a fake boyfriend yes answer for everyone but as he does it writes 'you?' on her with a fingertip unbeknownst anyone else because obvs wants to know if she's happy before he knows what mood to be in] Janis: ['how could I not be?' in his ear 'cos hugs him back obvs] Jimmy: [picks her up because that tricksy ankle could be a reason and finding her somewhere to sit in the midst of this party like excuse me everyone] Janis: [obviously makes him sit with her, imagining an arm chair so you're both kinda curled up] Jimmy: [we're snuggling] Janis: [just ignoring everyone at this party how we meant to] Jimmy: [live your best lives lads you've had a way more intense time than I envisioned when we started this convo so] Janis: [hohaha love it] Jimmy: [we'll let you have a chill time now it's fine] Janis: [or will we haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [yes gal or Jimothy'll have no secrets left] Janis: [poo] Jimmy: [well that's just rude] Janis: [jkjk]

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: Distract me Rio: ? Rio: As much as it's one of my favourite things to do Buster: Please Rio: Okay Rio: I can catch you up on what's happened since you left if you like Rio: Never a dull moment Buster: Go on Buster: Tell me Rio: Well, Indie got caught riding her dirtbike again so the garda took it off her Rio: cue the phonecall that she's kicking off and me having to go down there and basically beg for it back/them not to actually charge her Rio: got away with a warning and not inducing Ro into labour by keeping it hush hush Buster: Bet Drew was really helpful over the whole thing Rio: As if he's voluntarily going anywhere near the station Rio: or Indie would bell him Buster: Sure she will after the fact to show him what a rudegirl she is, like Buster: 😂 Rio: 🙄 Not wrong Rio: the things she's gotta do to make her Da proud Rio: let's not Buster: Agreed, let's not Rio: I'm thinking if there's been much else drama Rio: aside from the obvious Rio: Everyone kinda letting Nance have her moment, idk if that's a good thing Rio: tell 'em to up their game Rio: So, what's wrong? Buster: I can't talk about Nance right now, okay? Buster: I've had a shit enough day as is Rio: 'Course Rio: She's alright, though, don't worry Rio: What can I do? Buster: Tell me I can get on a plane right now and not have to come back here until I want Rio: I mean Rio: You can do whatever you want, yeah? Buster: Until I miss too much school and my grades drop, like Buster: End of the world as the fam knows it Rio: Not naming names but you're probably good for a minor blip right about now due to, like Rio: That bad? Buster: Nah, gotta hang onto that golden boy tag for as long as, you know Buster: It's standard. That's what makes it bad. Does that even make any sense? Rio: Don't blame you, babe Rio: Completely Rio: Fuck the cunts, do something selfish, that's what you'd tell me Buster: Yeah Buster: But you're the only thing I want and I can't come and get you Rio: I can come and be with you Buster: I can't ask for you to just drop everything for me Rio: You don't have to Rio: Still coming Buster: What about Indie? Buster: Plus work Rio: She's got School too, like Rio: What's one more for Ma to drag in by her hair? Rio: I'll worry about work later Buster: Babe Buster: You don't need to worry about me Rio: Who else is gonna if not me? Rio: And I wanna, so let me Buster: Well, I want you here so I'm not gonna argue any more Rio: If I could make time go faster I would Rio: fuck this year Buster: You do Buster: That sounds really stupid but like Rio: Babe Rio: You know you deserve to be happy, yeah Buster: Shh Buster: You make me happy Rio: Good Rio: S'a start for sure Buster: Are you serious about coming here just 'cause I'm being a mopey cunt? Rio: Yeah Rio: like I need much of an excuse Rio: completely selfish, naturally 😉 Buster: 'Course Buster: Speaking of, we should probably start planning my birthday Buster: Get your lies and excuses ready for that at least Rio: I've literally been pondering on your gift so hard Rio: You're hard to buy for Rio: What do you want, baby? Buster: You do reckon you're gift enough? Rio: For every day? Obviously Rio: but it's your special day Rio: you get whatever you want Buster: Yeah but it's not like its an important one, what am I gonna do, go vote? Buster: Everything else I can do already Rio: I know you wanna be in charge always but like, yeah, do your civic duty, boy 😜 Rio: but now you can do it legally, fun fun fun right? Rio: adulthood, babe Rio: we'll make it important Buster: 😂 Buster: Let's go somewhere Buster: Not be surrounded by cunts for a change Rio: You wanna be surprised or you wanna look together Buster: Surprise me Buster: Anywhere but Skerries, like Rio: Damn Rio: 😂 Rio: I'm on it forreal, no caravans or fam in sight Buster: One of many reasons I love you Rio: If you get stuck for ideas for my upcoming Rio: just write that list, babe Rio: not that i'm already making this about me Buster: 'Course not 😇 Buster: Only room for one selfish cunt Rio: Already competing with Halloween Rio: how many costume parties can one boy have Buster: Good thing blind folds and ball gags aren't technically costumes so you can still wear them for me without me wasting a wish Rio: 😳 Rio: Okay, and you're acting like you don't have plans Rio: Damn Buster: No plans yet Buster: Just thinking Buster: Like I said, shit day Rio: Well, feel free to take it all out on me Rio: just keep me in the loop 'cos I wanna know Rio: Who's got you so mad though? Buster: You don't wanna know, babe Buster: I'm not trying to get you mad too Rio: I do but I dont need many guesses now Rio: What the fuck's she been saying Buster: Just ignore any screenshots you see 'cause you know the context isn't there Buster: Depends if you wanna be mad on my behalf or my sister's Rio: I'm sure I can manage both Buster: You and me both, babe Rio: Not amatuers Rio: She's a bitch on such a ridiculous level it should be comical Rio: but it ain't Buster: Yeah Buster: At least I as good as told her I have a girlfriend so hopefully that's the last time she'll find her way into my inbox Rio: Be nice but wouldn't put money on her being the respectful type Rio: See if she's got as much staying power as Ryan, ha Rio: I'm sorry Buster: Hardly respectful at the party from what I remember. And what I don't Buster: So I'm sorry too, like Rio: Don't apologise Rio: It's fucked up, she is Buster: Yeah Buster: She's so smug about it that's what's fucked Rio: That's gross Rio: Does she not realise what she's done or like? Rio: fucked up power trip, okay bitch Buster: [sends own screenshots because you suck Chlo] Rio: I hate her Rio: I'm gonna fuck her up Buster: You can't Buster: She's the exact type to get you in trouble if you tried Rio: Give a shit Rio: Who does she think she is Buster: You do give a shit though Buster: And so do I Buster: She's already fucked everything up, there's no way it's happening again Rio: Okay Rio: I'll get Billie to throw some bad juju her way then Rio: Oh, babe, now I know what you mean Rio: Fuming Buster: Same Buster: Like what can I actually do? Rio: Fuck her Rio: like, don't, ew Rio: but Rio: she's seriously not worth the aggro, avoid at all costs 'cos I weren't joking that she gives me those Ryan vibes Rio: you don't need that Rio: it's hard when she's winding you up like that but try not to engage unless you have to now Buster: Right pair me and you are Buster: How do we attract these types? Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Who don't we attract Rio: so irresistible, right? Buster: True Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you too Rio: not for long, like Rio: just sorting shit here Buster: How long can you stay? Rio: I dunno, baby Rio: As long as I can, that's for sure Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Rio: She don't know shit, yeah, remember that Buster: I just wish she knew some shit Buster: It'd make things easier Rio: Who said that Rio: Can't argue with idiots, get you down to their level and win by experience, yeah? Rio: the lawyer in you gotta stay out of it babe Buster: Okay, you're right Buster: Just this once, obviously Rio: 😏 Rio: Won't even gloat Rio: 'cos I want you to feel like a winner too Buster: 👑 always Buster: Pormise Rio: Good Buster: What's Nance doing for Halloween, do you know? Rio: I've not heard yet Rio: Some cute nerdy goodness with June, no doubt Rio: I'll put the feelers out Buster: Like, can I be that selfish? You can't be in two places at once Rio: I'm sure I ain't all her plans hinge on Buster: Not with that attitude, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: Who's bday is it again, Nance? Rio: Do you want me to stay here? Buster: Don't be an idiot Buster: I just Buster: Feel like more of a cunt than usual today, that's all Rio: Don't let her do you like that Rio: She seriously doesn't know you Rio: and she can't chat about doing Nance wrong Rio: trust me, I know who she actually hates, and it ain't you babe, promise Buster: Nance still ain't gonna forgive me though Rio: She will Rio: it'll take a lot Rio: and time, lots of probably too but Rio: even if you were a total cunt Rio: she ain't, yeah? Buster: Such a know-it-all Buster: Christ Rio: Don't act like you don't love it Rio: 😏 Buster: I can't Buster: I can imagine how buzzing you are right now at being so smart Buster: so cute Rio: 😋 Rio: Fun being a nerd, I see why you rep so hard Buster: You wish, babe Buster: If that's what you're after you're gonna have to trade me in when we go check out Harvard Rio: That's the plan isn't it Rio: if I don't hook me a prof for the daddy vibes Imma get me a future billionaire Buster: Well, my plan was to see how far around Campus we could get before I got you too turned on to resist me Buster: Standard Rio: Well that sounds like more fun Rio: you've got to focus though, so serious Buster: I'll focus on you Buster: that sounds more fun to me Rio: 😒 boy Rio: catch me packing nothing but turtlenecks and floor-length skirts Buster: 😂 Buster: Catch me planning the trip for summer then Rio: You're mean Rio: play fair Buster: I could say the same to you Buster: Denying a whole university campus that body Buster: So selfish, babe Rio: Right? Aren't you proud of me, daddy? Buster: You're learning Buster: Very appropriate considering where we're going, like Rio: Not got the cap and gown but Rio: you're a pretty good teacher, babe Buster: You can borrow mine Buster: I reckon you'll look pretty good in it Rio: Reckon I can borrow something of yours forreal Rio: not a label whore just miss you Buster: 'Course baby Buster: Whatever you want Rio: better stick to a plan tee, like Rio: could be anyone's Rio: long as it smells like my baby Buster: So smart Buster: And cute Rio: 😻 Rio: I just like the idea of having you wrapped around my body even when you're not Buster: Well now that's all I can think about Rio: Good Rio: You wanted distraction, right? Buster: Now all I want is you Rio: I'm going to be there so soon Rio: Should I get a hotel or am I making up an excuse for being in LDN again? Buster: I'll book you a room Buster: You deserve it for being so nice to me Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah, babe? Rio: If you ain't gonna let me give you at least half, make sure it's cheap and cheerful yeah Buster: Not gonna happen Rio: It's not worth fighting you on this, is it? Buster: I mean, you can, and I'd enjoy it but I promise you'll enjoy the hotel more Rio: You're bad Buster: You love it Rio: All I know I love is that I can do whatever I want to you and not be disturbed Buster: You're not the only one with good ideas, babe Rio: I know Rio: tell me more about that blindfold and ball gag, like Buster: Thinking I need some silk scarves added to that list Rio: Yeah? Buster: I know you're gonna be here soon but I'm already thinking that I don't want you to leave Buster: It's one solution, like Rio: 🤤 Rio: Won't be complaining Rio: I don't wanna leave Buster: If you think that now, wait until you check in Buster: [sends fancy af hotel deets] Rio: Okay know I'm still mad but you spoil me so well Buster: Don't be mad I just want you close to me Buster: I can walk there if I need to Rio: I'm not Rio: I like it when you look after me but shh Rio: reputation already there without proving it Buster: I haven't even started to take care of you yet Rio: I'm meant to be looking after you Buster: I only asked you to distract me and you are Buster: I'm so fucking distracted right now Rio: My specialty Buster: Is everything you're packing a surprise or do I get to hear about what you're gonna wear for me 'cause that's part of your specialty Rio: I guess you gave me some spoilers to prepare me Rio: Only fair Buster: If you wanna play fair, yeah Rio: Decisions decisions Rio: Oh, I have some cute pjs Rio: wanna see? Buster: You know I do Rio: [Snap] Rio: Adorable, yeah? Buster: Babe Buster: Adorable ain't the word Rio: Give me the words Buster: I'll try, seeing as it's so unfair that you couldn't hear the sound I made when I opened that Buster: Fuck Buster: How do you keep doing this to me? Rio: Seriously unfair Rio: Your noises are my favourite thing Rio: Just doing what you asked me to do, babe Buster: You'll just have to get me to make them again Buster: Or others Rio: I want to so bad Rio: I want YOU so bad Buster: How bad? Buster: Show me Rio: I'm so wet it's embarrassing baby Rio: you should see my knickers then you'd know just how much I need you Buster: Embarrassing isn't the word, babe Rio: I've got no shame Rio: I'm your dirty slut, and I want you to know it Buster: Good Buster: You're perfect, I need you to know that Rio: Shh Buster: I'm trying to be quiet but you keep getting me to make all those noises you like so Rio: You better be recording yourself Rio: Or I'm gonna need you on the phone right now, like Buster: [Sends video] Buster: I know what you like, don't worry Rio: Yes, you really fucking do Rio: Fuck me Buster: I want to so badly Rio: I'm coming in the AM Rio: Flight booked, shit sorted Buster: I'll get you early check in so we can go straight there Rio: Good Rio: No better way to spend a Sunday Buster: It's gonna be the best, baby Rio: Yeah it is Rio: If you decide to go to School the next day though, I don't mind Rio: I can find plenty to do Buster: I'll mind Buster: Do me Rio: 😂 Rio: Just trying to make you behave Buster: That isn't what you really want Rio: No, but I only want to get you into fun trouble Buster: My attendance ain't nothing for you to worry about Buster: I'm a nerd, remember Buster: I'm not usually missing that many days Rio: Okay, cutie Rio: Stay with me then Buster: You ain't getting rid of me easy Rio: Not even gotta tie you up, yeah? Buster: I won't be mad if you want to but Rio: Hmm Rio: Might be fun to play look but don't touch with you Buster: Aren't we already playing that right now? Rio: Too true Rio: Didn't say it'd last long before I needed your hands all over me Buster: I know Buster: I need my mouth on you too so again, not mad about it Rio: Well, you can do that with you hands behind your back Rio: I believe in you, babe Buster: Yeah Rio: Indie is roasting me 😖 Buster: Dare I ask Rio: Thinks it's jokes how whipped I am Rio: no point trying to fool her these days Buster: As long as you don't tell her I am Rio: This is where the heroics stop then, yeah? Rio: Charming 🙄 Buster: If you need a hero tell her she's gotta shut and go so you can fuck yourself for me 'cause I need to cum for you Rio: BABY Rio: You can't just say things like that 😩 Buster: I just did Rio: The sound I just made was unholy and is so not helping my case Rio: Are you close? Buster: I'm gonna need you to make that sound for me right now Buster: Please Rio: Buster you're so fucking hot do you have any idea Rio: No one has ever turned me on as much as you, or as hard as you do Buster: I feel it too Buster: Like I said, you're perfect Rio: Maybe this is why we weren't meant to do this Rio: can't stop Buster: I don't care Buster: I don't wanna stop Rio: Me either Buster: I love you so much Rio: I love you too Rio: One day, we can let people know Rio: can't we Buster: Of course we can, babe Rio: It's not just that sneaking around is hard Rio: I want to too, you know Buster: I know Buster: Me too Buster: Even telling Chlo about you, sort of, was kinda nice in a way Rio: Yeah? Bet she was gutted Rio: Should be, bitch 🖕 Rio: Mine Buster: She just thinks I'm lying Buster: Give a shit Rio: Can see why but yeah, not gonna rush it just to wipe the smug off her face Rio: though it will be a nice bonus Buster: 😏 Buster: One day I'll be able to claim you properly, but for now I'll just have to settle with continuing to leave marks that only you can see Buster: As far as consolation prizes go, it could be worse Rio: I like 'em Rio: I'll put pictures up Rio: Gonna know I'm not just letting anyone do that, even if they don't know it's you, yet Buster: I know you do Buster: It's killing me to think about how much you like it Buster: And what seeing those pics is gonna do to me Rio: Hopefully wanna mark me some more Rio: Otherwise I've really fucked the shot Buster: That's what I always want Rio: Good Rio: I like your bruises 'cos I can see and feel how much you want me Buster: Good Buster: I've never wanted anyone as much as you Rio: Me either Rio: even before I'd ever had you Buster: I know Buster: And I can't act like it wasn't exactly the same for me Rio: Even the bad kiss was good, somehow Buster: 'Cause you loved me Buster: I could get away with anything back then Rio: Oh hush 😂 Buster: You so did though Buster: Take that mum and dad with your childhood love story, like Rio: 😩😬😶 Rio: How embarrassing, lil bitch Rio: you were cute Buster: You were beautiful and you ain't outgrown it Rio: Awh, bringing all the old feelings back here 😜 Buster: You're gonna have to wait until tomorrow for a kiss but at least this one actually will be worth the wait Rio: Looking forward to it, babe Buster: Bit rude if you ain't Rio: 😂 Rio: Bit weird too Rio: in it for the hotel room or? i'm not that desperate Buster: Glad to hear it Buster: Like I've gone whole nights without kissing girls on the mouth but I'm not trying to remember that right now Rio: How do you even... Rio: Never mind Rio: not remembering, I've got you Buster: I can show you if you're that curious Buster: But it's not rocket science Rio: I don't wanna Buster: Baby Rio: It'd make me sad Buster: I told you before, you don't have to worry about me Buster: Same goes for being sad Rio: I know, I know Rio: but I still do Buster: 'Cause you're perfect Buster: How many times am I gonna have to say this Rio: Erm, I ain't making you 😂 Buster: Yeah you are Rio: Babe Buster: Babe? Rio: You're a nerd Rio: and I love you Buster: Yeah, yeah Rio: 😠 Buster: What's that face for? Rio: You didn't say it back 😥 Buster: Well, you ain't a nerd really Buster: But of course I love you Rio: Ha ha Rio: 👀 you boy Buster: Good Buster: I love the way you look at me too so Rio: Who doesn't love 😻 Buster: Normally me but you make it work somehow Rio: 'Cos I'm actually seeing you Rio: not just your abs, though appreciating that too, of course Buster: Shhh Buster: You gotta keep my secrets, babe Rio: Yeah, that was way too close to sincerity Rio: Shut me up, babe Buster: I can't Buster: I need to hear every sound from you Rio: Well Indie's packed and gone so Rio: Call me Buster: Thank Christ Buster: I thought you'd never ask Rio: I know, poor baby Rio: Practically torture Buster: I'm not trying to cum when all you've done is breathe into the phone Buster: Who am I? Rio: Who am I breathing down the phone Rio: old school pervert in the phonebox, like Buster: 😂 Rio: not the sexy vibe i'm going for, babe Rio: can ask you what colour your undies are if that'll get you going Buster: Hurry up and show me your actual vibe then is all I'm saying Buster: Killing me here Rio: I know, soz, spend too much time with that one now I think I got jokes too 😏 Buster: We both know you've got jokes, babe Buster: But there's a time and place, like Rio: That's me told Rio: Gonna be good now, promise 😇 Buster: Not too good though, yeah? Rio: Duh, I already told you, slut for you always Buster: Good