#I was gonna do a Ship of Theseus part but I can't be asked

[vectorisheree]

"You ever wonder what it would be like to wake up outside your own body?"

Holy shit!? Holy fucking shit????? Very surprised that they're actually acknowledging the fact that Eclipse was apart of Moon- practically was Moon (or is Moon, he was at least a fragment of old Moon, are we counting fragments as equal to the person, or ai, themselves?), since he definitely sees himself as Moon, referring to Moon’s body as his 'own'. Eclipse was discarded part of Moon, an unfavourable aspect of Moon that, instead of accepting it as a part of himself, Moon tore and ripped Eclipse, his killcode, from his code and abandoned within Sun, quite literally dumping his main problem on him (in him?)

And like, old Moon had some serious issues and anxiety over losing his bodily autonomy, being trapped in Sun again (to the point that another dimentional version of him literally ends up killing Sun for his, perceived, freedom) , and I'd like to assume that this trait is shared with Eclipse, who was once promised his own freedom through Moon's, only to have it stripped away, only to find himself still stuck, fragmented and alone. Abandoned, disposed of. Betrayed at the very least.

How could Eclipse ever forgive the man who discarded him and left him to rot? Personally, with the way things are going now, I don't believe he could, not on his own, not without some serious intervention (through Earth or new Moon, or whoever really) or guidance. Old Moon is dead, replaced by a convincing replica, nothing that new Moon says or could say about old Moon's actions would really get to Eclipse, both because of his current general distrust of Moon, but also because new Moon is a completely different person to old Moon, he can't apologise and atone for the actions of another, not in anyway significant, its just not the same. Eclipse holds a grudge against a dead man and he'll never reach a satisfying end for himself. What can he do? (Even in a dimention where Eclipse does get the star, his previous main goal, he never seemed too happy) I think that Eclipse will have to accept what has happened to him and that he can't do anything about it before he is able to move on and grow around his past.

"...Horrifying."

I was already working on an Eclipse rant from like last week as well, what a coincidence, so I'll keep this short (will post at some point this week or month or year) (My wording was pretty bad in the last part but I do think that an Eclipse redemption could be possible, just that it would take a lot of work from multiple parties)

#Btw do people find the italics annoying? #Genuine question because I feel a little self conscious about it #I was gonna do a Ship of Theseus part but I can't be asked #tsams #the sun and moon show #eclipse sams #sams eclipse #sun and moon show eclipse #the sun and moon show eclipse #tsams eclipse #myposts #vecramble #VecText #tsams moon #tw swearing #eclipse tsams

[blackjack-15]

"what's going on?" oh we're not gonna hear that almost gentle tone again for the rest of the episode are we. maybe the rest of the season

"i quit. is what's going on." y'all can't see me, by the grace of God, but i am throwing things

there were so many ways to handle this, i want to congratulate syd and marcus for choosing the worst ones!! that takes real vision!!

i get it. i do. but there are things you just don't do, and running away after causing problems (marcus seriously???? the doughnuts right now???) is something you don't do

"right now?? you quit right now??" yeah the anxiety and anger there...yeah that's gonna be the top of the iceberg huh

"what are you doing. what are you doing." he really can't quite parse it and the fear in his voice is really exquisitely well-played. syd's the person he hired, the person he did the background check on, the person he had confidence to put in a position of leadership, and -- 'outside' of regular work, the person he's talked to, confided in, and worked on a relationship with. this is probably going to Not Be Great. my anxiety pillow might not be enough

"you are an excellent chef. you are also a piece of shit." yeah i mean girl that was obvious when you were hired. like he's being a bit shitty right now, but like....this is not even mostly on him

and she knows it, it's why she's running. she's seeing visions of sheridan road in her head, and she's running. it's fine, it's good character work, i'm happy about it in a larger plot sense, but the dumb monkey part of my brain wants to shake her by her shoulders and prolly slap marcus upside the head

"this isn't on me. good luck." well. oof.

is carmy gonna have a heart attack?? is his actor gonna have a heart attack?? those veins are worrying me

what did syd grab on her way out? why'd she go over to the other part of the kitchen before leaving?

carmy throwing the sharpie where syd had been a moment ago is really well done, because it makes him walking to the door seem like he might actually go after her and call her back

but he doesn't

oh off the floor carmy really?? i mean it's no worse than anything else he does to his body i guess

that smile at how good the doughnut is, then the slapping of the preorder receipts, and his marching out to the front -- that's the repression in full force babe!

okay onto the last episode. can i breathe, please? i think some apologies are needed all the way around -- excepting Tina, Fak, Manny, Angel, Ebra, Gary, and Louie, of course, who should go out for drinks and a long weekend after this. i am blowing kisses to chicago for louie

oh and before i forget, the episode asks at the start, when is it the Ship of Theseus? the answer it presents is that when all the pieces are there, working together -- and right now, all the pieces are gone, and the ship is sinking in the water

RIP richie's ass i hope he gets stitches

#the bear #liveblogging #i feel like a ran a marathon while someone behind me tazed me the whole way through #i know it'll get better b/c this was the Worst it could have gotten #but there are some much needed apologies from a whole host of people and i'm really hoping we get them #whether they say the words “i'm sorry” or not

[johnandrasjaqobis]

Water, Earth, Fire, Air, for the ask because I keep hearing the intro in my head and it's on you now to save the world

Swear I didn't forget about this!! it has simply been a few days since I've actually pulled out the laptop, thank you for the ask friend!!!

Water: How did you start writing? warriors cat fanfiction. I didn't know fanfiction was the term for it at the time, I was like 9 and writing little stories about cats on the portable keyboards we were supposed to be doing typing lessons on. Went straight from that into roleplay on the neopets message boards, the most prestigious training grounds

Earth: What do you think is the foundation of your WIP? excellent question and one i am. wracking my brain for an answer for fjdskl If we mean like. the core theme or whatnot. I think discverse is a lot of autonomy, very ship of theseus sorts of questions (if your entire consciousness is boiled down to what's essentially lines of code in a little disc, what if someone slides an extra line of code in there, are the results of that real, are they you?) and spacecapades. hm. a lot of human stubbornness, to settle where every law of nature says we shouldn't, to defend what little homes we've scraped out of the rocks, to protect what's ours, and every one of these against rather ridiculous odds. You tell people "you can't do that" and there's always a group of them that will dig their heels in and do it out of spite.

Fire: What’s a scene that you are dying to write? any of them at all at this point I think in spacecapades the scene of finding Donny after All That Time is gonna be really fun, who needs context for that. for discverse...honestly I don't know if the plot would ever actually lead to the clone factory on/in the one moon but boy I think anything in that place would be super creepy and delightful

Air: What’s the easiest part of writing for you? Dialogue babeyyy I love me some dialogue!! So much of the random ideas I get during my shifts at work are just chunks of dialogue that I then have to find context for

#spacecapades #discverse #i use the term wip Very loosely very little is actually being progressed

[wistfulrat]

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[ for my fellow fledgling drarry stans! the drama list is here and, well. like i didn’t initially intend to go off in the mini-reviews beneath every rec but it’s just that you can't nOT yell about drarry as classic literary foils!! also it’s my dumb sideblog so i decided there are no rules and i get to be annoying about good writing.

but rly, the whole premise of the drarry pairing is shaped by this genre and if the ~serious world of serious published writers~ weren’t absolute cowards, they would admit that drama fic authors have contributed more to the genre than the average shit you can find at your local chain bookstore. so that's that on thAT. & if you love a fic here, don't forget to follow the authors, leave kudos & comments on their work, send them nice msgs bc they do all this shit for free xoxo ]

part 2: dramas

mood: for when I need emotional catharsis and maybe 7 hours to sob/brood about loneliness, the cost of love, & the perpetual fear of being truly known

includes: angst, hurt/comfort, reconciliation fics. it’s cruelty o’clock folks and someone is about to say/do something Fucked Up that they can’t take back. but don’t worry!! there will be a Reckoning feat. hamlet-worthy monologues, ugly truths, unbridled rage, trauma, insecurity, and just a fuck ton of tears!! but maybe even tender apologies and mended things.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil​ - 36k - E | Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected. | --- can a fic be tender and unflinching at the same time? bc this story strikes that balance rly well and for a piece about unwantedness, it is incredibly humanizing. ginny holding her own, draco being gentle but not letting harry play victim, hermione calling harry “hazzah” and just the way this friendship insists on the validity of found families even when harry is spiraling?? and you’re forced to consider that no one has the monopoly on fucked-upness and that doesn’t absolve us of the ways we hurt each other but it means that everyone has the same potential to be better after being broken. goD JUST READ IT, OKAY.

Blood Magic, the series by @houseofhebrideanblacks and @thestralsofspinnersend 335k - E “Later that night. . .Draco wondered at the depths of magic, its breadth and scope. The ways in which life pervades and eludes death, the ways in which they endure all manners of small and large deaths within their lives.” -- if you don't read any other fic on this list, i hope you read this series bc holy shit it’s breathtaking. harry’s a recovering addict, draco’s recovering from abuse, and in a cottage within the forbidden forest begins an unlikely partnership as the boys take up the tedious work of healing. there are thestrals and everyone's in therapy. there are whole chapters of cottagecore drarry. it's a beautiful exploration of how we bare the immensity of loss against the miracles of birth and regrowth. 

Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia - 18k - T “A ship in a full sail, a ship in a state of decay, a ship that had been rebuilt, slightly different. A repeating cycle. “What makes the ship the same?” asked Harry. “I don’t know. There must be something in it that lasts across the changes.” -- DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS QUOTE LIVES RENT FREE IN MY SAD, SAD BRAIN. DO YOU KNOW HOW I LOSE SLEEP THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING SHIP OF THESEUS. it’s a memory loss fic and everything is so unFAIR. you want to murder harry sometimes bc he’s such a shiT and you suffer through the ways he questions desire, penance, redemption, true love. and by the end, you want to believe in those golden slumber lyrics: “once, there was a way to get back home” 

Yours to Keep by @dracoismytrashson​ - 135k - E i love the university setting, i love getting to see harry and draco’s first forays into a real LGBTQ community, the class and race structures outside of the wizarding world. i love that this is the context in which they’re allowed to confront the shittiness of PTSD, anxiety, depression etc. as they come together and fall apart against each other’s traumas. it makes the ending feel earned af. “Baby, we’ve been easing into it for a decade.” -- my god this line

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered​ - 153k - T  this fic is devastating. like, completely forget whatever reticence you might have towards a de-aging fic and read this. the de-aging premise allows the author to cut through the ways harry and draco hold each other at a distance and you end up with these stunning moments of clarity where they’re truly seeing each other for the first time. and suddenly everything makes sense. i won't spoil it here but there’s a scene towards the end where harry is talking to hermione and ron about realizing the first time he felt what its like to be loved and I fucking SOBBED. an all-time fave fic about learning how to belong.

Had To Be You by @lettersbyelise​​ - 59k - E a genuinely excellent slow burn about absolute fucking morons who refuse to express their mutual love over the course of literal years?? HOW MANY TENDER MEET-CUTES DO 2 GAY IDIOTS EVEN NEED. a car ride a bookshop a street corner -- when harry met sally is my enemy. but you know what? this fic is masterfully written, it’s an epic tale of unexpected friendships and the inability to say the things we feel. also its very much also a soft boi fic if not for the Major Fuck Up that pushes it into drama territory for me. so worth the turmoil tbh.

Hurricane by phrynne - 120k - E auror partners terrified of love. it’s a fic about walls - where the emotional landscape of this fic is occluded by dishonest words so you feel the tension play out in hollow voices, shuttered looks, emptied eyes. it’s like watching two ppl get flayed alive in slow motion and everything is SHIT for a little. it’s mean, it’s ugly, it doesn’t let you give the characters an out when they’re being cruel - to each other and to themselves. but harry and draco are two violent forces hurling toward each other’s walls and the inevitable reckoning comes and it’s so very worth the ending. the hospital bed scene to rule all hospital bed scenes.

Returning Tides by @zigster-ao3​ - E  “Is my timing that flawed? Our respect run so dry? Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives” --those fuCKing ian curtis lyrics in the summary!! p a i n. why do i put myself through getting-back-together fics knowing full well i’m gonna be Sad As Hell during the not-together portion of the story?? we are all unfortunately hoes for heartache. anyway this fic is beautiful. draco’s a dad and recently widowed, harry has a thestral reserve, the settings here are stunning. a story about grief and love that lingers.

A Piercing Comfort by @talithan - 44k - T “There is no objective scorecard. There isn’t anything that a person does that tips the balance from ‘deserving’ to ‘undeserving’, or vice versa. A ‘deserving’ person will not run out of worthiness after a set time of happiness and have to then go about working to deserve it again. And an ‘undeserving’ person does not have to suffer at length before having the opportunity to be ‘deserving’.” -- the heart of this fic. harry’s in therapy, facing depression, and learning how to accept love he doesn’t think he deserves. (also draco is harry’s therapist but yes, that power dynamic is handled ethically-well imo and addressed in the author notes I promise!!).

Borrowing Courage by @xx-thedarklord-xx​ - 70k - E |After years of being a Magical Artist and painting for other people, Draco decides it’s time to paint for himself for once. The secrets pile up as he tries to unravel the mystery of his relatives but the only thing he didn’t count on was having to go to Potter of all people for approval.| --god i love this fic. the thing about drarry here is that they never mean to hurt each other but they do. they do and draco’s trying to do the right thing and he wants so badly for good family but harry’s never rly stopped grieving sirius and it’s this whole unintended mess of festering wounds forced to heal. everyone needs a hug. also ron/blaise pairing and ron+draco’s friendship here is everything!!

Reparations and the sequel, Foundations by Saras_Girl - 320k - E | Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.| -- incredible. harry and draco’s dynamic as healers, the cast of original characters, the boys learning what it means to trust each other, draco building a rehabilitation center, harry falling in love with him, and “meus fabula est mei ut dico: my story is mine to tell.”  i cry

The Ties that Bind by phoenix_writing (not on ao3) - 61k - T | Upon Andromeda’s death, Harry and Draco are given custody of Teddy. Their lives will never be the same.| -- harry’s got major abandonment issues and he’s just trying to be a good co-parent with draco but everyone is being the woRST and you want to murder them on behalf of harry. but then, the boys learn to listen to each other and god it all becomes so tender. also harry has a gay panic. things are awful but it all works out. -

[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #drarry dramas #im so sorry if this got long but also #I have too many Thoughts #all I do is cry over two sad gays #its pain o'clock sweeties #time to Sob about the mortifying ordeal of being Known