#I was going to write LWJ lamenting to the moon but that ending is just chef's kiss levels of dramatic

[thewickling]

winding moonrise - trouble

winding moonrise master post

[Context: Set before thirteen years in their last year of college.]

Lan Wangji's cheer shocks his shufu and xiong.

One imagines Lan Wangji's smile like a crack in a sheet of ice. A fractureline that is so faint one would barely notice it. That to call it lips upturned would be an exaggeration. Many of his pack believe this.

Yet it sweeps across him like sunlight touching the first growth of spring through melting snow. Touching his fold his arms to his head, he thanks Lan Qiren. His voice rings determined and sincere.

Lan Qiren hates iron for not becoming steel. He loaths that nephew has be dug up by a pig. He still thinks 'Wei Ying is a bane' on his spotless teaching career. A part of him grimaces at the thought that they could have met younger. Not a single cell of his rejoices in his decision, yet Lan Wangji's soft joyous expression gives him pause.

Dragged by the neck, Lan Qiren's xiong announces in his ear, "I've met her, my moon."

His xiong's arms trembled with the emotions that he can't contain. His timbre turned to lilts as he described her. He sang with elation.

The memory sharply contrasts the devastation and bowed head when he breathlessly voiced that she's killed their shifu. The resolution and sobriety with which he declared their marriage still sends Lan Qiren's blood boiling. Whatever hesitation catches him is annihilated.

An acridic taste invades his sense with its unwanted familiarity. Between the moon-blessed, fate does not promise happiness. He curses the moon for guiding his nephew to... He does not have a word for the various ways in which he disproves of Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji finally straightens as if the weight of his gratitude held him in place. He shifts and turns to bow to Lan Xichen. He repeats his thanks.

Lan Xichen ponders the last time he saw this sight. He bites his lip, recalling his di grinning on his mother's lap. It clashes with Lan Wangji's kneeling figure outside her detached house. That tiny voice inquiring is engraved in his heart: "Has she returned?"

He lowers his head.

Lan Wangji keeps his earnest posture. He acts from the pack manners carved in his bones. Inwardly, he races through the woods, howling.

His bowed figure burns into Lan Qiren's irises. Only tradition keeps him from looking away. He does not deserve or want his cherished nephew's heartfelt gradtitude. He questions if his xiong's ghost pried his begrudging consent from his throat.

Lan Wangji pleaded his case every day until he was prohibited. Then, he dug up half-forgotten traditions so that he could petition once each fornight. The numbers soared over a hundred times.

Some of their clan believed Lan Wangji's preseverance wore down Lan Qiren's ivory tower. Others suspected that Lan Xichen, who had this point inherited his duties in all but name, had said he would approve, giving the most esteemed elder of theirs no choice but to accept unless he wanted to be the first to come into conflict with the head of pack's first formal decree. Many of the Lans shared these thoughts but these were never spoken as gossip is barred.

The approval is both shocking and unsurprising. After all, a wolf meeting their moon is auspicious. It is the thing of legends. It is a blessing from the moon herself. In all of Lan's history, a moon-blessed pairing is only delayed never denied.

The elders ready red-envelopes. The more excitable ones quietly pass on suggestions. Celebration is in the air.

The atmospheric change flis over Lan Wangji's head. One of the Twin Jades of the Lan is not careless but a glance tells everyone his mind holds than any action he currently does. His daily practice croons sweeter. His manners contain extra consideration. His steps glide with excitment.

Considering the possible location and time and environment for the thousandth time, Lan Wangji thinks, Wei Ying wouldn't care.

Even if he shared his secret in the worst of conditions, but he cannot imagine that Wei Wuxian is unkind even is worst of moods, he trusts that if Wei Wuxian does not return his affections (not that Wei Wuxian has any obligation to return it, though with every breath of his life he hopes his moon will shine on him) that his secret is as safe with his moon is it is with him. Wei Wuxian might not care, but Lan Wangji does. He wants it to be perfect.

Perfection is a fool's errand.

What a better cause to be a fool than love?

Lan Qiren taught him restraint. Every lesson cautioned aganist giving in to unbridled emotion. That such a careless action is a threat him and the pack.

Lan Wangji read Confucian, stuided Daoism, and reflected on the eight-fold path. He knows the boundary. He does not expect his affections to be returned.

He also isn't bitter for how long it took to gain his pack's consent. It allowed him to grow close to Wei Wuxian. He recalls his thoughts when he first saw his moon: He looks like trouble.

The thought swelled when Wei Wuxian's scent first hit him: He smells like trouble.

A gust sweeping across a lake. A clarity and freshness that purified the sterile and musky scent of dorms. Yet rather than calming it triggered every alarm in his body.

His limbs locked in place. His heart thumped like it wanted to punch through his chest. His lungs released all their air.

Never had he felt more helpless. His eyes traced Wei Wuxian's figure. He engraved the mirthful, smiling, and handsome teen in his heart. Landing on the glass bottle in Wei Wuxian's hands, the conduct etched in his bones took over.

Grabbing Wei Wuxian's wrist, he stated, "Alcohol is banned in the dorms."

"Ge," Wei Wuxian said, wide-eyed.

His brown eyes were so bright that Lan Wangji wonders if he is sick. What else could explain why he wants to both flee that from that warming gaze and also never move again.

"Are you serious?" he laughs.

Now even his ears are overwhelmed. The timbre and tone is frustrating unfamiliar yet it comes straight of his memory. His fingers tightened to hold himself upright.

"Mnn."

"It's move in day! One of my cousins snuck into my luggage." He bowed coyly as he pleaded, "Look it isn't even open. I'll toss it out right now. You can even come with me! Ge, nobody has to know but us. It can be are little secret."

Those brown eyes peered up with him so... For the first time he understood why people wanted to melt chocolate on their tongue. Never had he been more frustrated. Principles are not principles if they bend for a breeze. He shook his head. "Rules are rules."

And Wei Wuxian literally disarmed him.

He is my moon? Lan Wangji thought, correcting stance. His reflexes honed even as his mind was in chaos. Restraining the other student again, his heart confirmed, He is trouble.

Between thoughts of the first place they met and the other firsts Wei Wuxian took, Lan Wangji considers, It was best that I waited.

It gave him time to accept his own feelings.

He settles on the park. Wei Wuxian is so clever. From the very first year, Wei Wuxian ensnared him in debate. What started as an argument carried them through the campus park in provoking discussion. He captured Lan Wangji over and over and over until it became habit long after the park stopped being a converging point between their classes for them to drift toward the park every time they crossed paths. Certainly they will continue this tradition until graduation. He wants every time they tread that path after to remind him of this confession.

The day of he presses palms tightly into his pants. His bag feels strangely heavy with Wei Wuxian's favorite spicy snack. In the crowd of students shuttling from class to class, the two fall into step as if it was explained beyond a message to meet that neither listed a place or time.

"Lan Zhan! You would never believe what Wen..."

He doesn't ignore Wei Wuxian. How could he when sun shines so enticely on Wei Wuxian's skin, bringing out warm notes that make his teeth itch and inspire him to lean down... He swallows. He counts down the steps it'd take for them to reach the groove, their favorite spot.

Ten.

Wei Wuxian's words form a piece that he never wants to stop hearing.

Nine.

His shoulders brush Lan Wangji's. The heat soaks into his skin.

Eight.

Wei Wuxian's heart stutters.

S-

The world jitters. Wei Wuxian leaps behind him. His heart gallops in his chest like a skittish horse. His fingers dig into Lan Wangji's arm.

Wei Wuxian is a handful of centimeters taller than him and they share familiar figures but with all of his ability Wei Wuxian hides behind Lan Wangji. He shifts and teeters as if noticing every exposed milimeter with dread.

All of Lan Wangji's reflexes kick in. Heat surges through his veins alongside adrenaline. The urge to shift slams him. Scanning the horizon, he analyzes, What threatened his moon?

Wei Wuxian is so brave after all. During the joint hike between their majors, he lead half of the group to leap off a waterfall. His smiled all the way down.

He assesses trees, open grass, and distant figures only to eliminate them.

"Lan Zhan! Dog!"

Lan Wangji's blood thickens, wondering how he could have missed a danger like an aggressive hound.

His attention lands on medium-sized dog, bounding toward them. A leash trails behind it, emphasizing its wagging tail.

"Save me." Wei Wuxian whispers, breathless with panic.

Confusion flushes his mind. Harsh reality chills his blood. Wei Wuxian is terrified of dogs.

He vocalizes a threat that humans' can't hear and adds a 'shoo' for safe measure.

It races off.

"Wei Ying. It's gone. You're safe." The sun shines on them but Lan Wangji might as well be in Yanluo for how freezing he is.

"Thank you! Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian steps out, patting Lan Wangji's shoulder. His mouth moves nervously, "My hero."

"You're the best. Dogs are the worst!" he speaks for the sake of speaking. Wei Wuxian knows it's irrational but even the smallest of dogs punches his flight reflex. When he thinks of dogs, he recalls the time one nearly took a chunk out of his face but on a level he denies their bark brings up the howl of grimey and arctic streets, their teeth of the bite of constant hunger and uncaring hands, their claws of scraped palms and hands emptied of the little food or comfort gained... "They're so scary with their teeth and claws."

Lan Wangji's blood stops. If dogs turn Wei Wuxian's scent into a tumultuous wave of polluted sewer water, what would a wolf do? For the first time, his heritage bears down on him like the curse it once was.

"Thanks for not laughing. I know it's silly but dogs and I are not met for each other or my name isn't Wei. Jiang Cheng loves them but I can't..."

"You're welcome," he says as much out of reflex as self-preservation. He is certain he is going into shock. But he can't let Wei Wuxian be mistaken. "You don't have to thank me."

"What?" Wei Wuxian quirks his head,

"You don't have to thank me or apologize." Lan Wangji's surprised he can speak but Wei Wuxian is distressed. His moon can't be under the delusion he would not sacrifice nearly everything to defend him. Or that he would want nothing more than soothe his moon even as he's certain his heart stops. "It's fine."

"Right? Why did you want to meet?" Rubbing his neck, he inquires, "Other than to show off how much of a perfect gentleman you are, anyway."

"Nothing important." He answers, reaching into his bag. He hands over the snack. His actions are stiff and heavy.

"You are the best! Did an admirer sneak it in your bag?" Wei Wuxian chatters, used to filling the space between them. Strangely, the silence is nearly unnerving, but he chalks it up to Lan Wangji processing his phobia. He spins noise into aimless words so that Lan Wangji knows that this had not changed their friendship. If anything, it is a relief for Lan Wangji to know and accept it.

Lan Wangji drinks in it, but realizes with startling clarity that the sound is just as sweet as a few minutes ago. Wei Wuxian hasn't changed. He has. That the sound he considered an upbeat, love ballad now sounds like a lamentation on lost.

After all his heart is gone, he gave it to Wei Wuxian long ago, but his moon will never shine on him.

Another epiphany strikes hims him like a lightning tribulation. That he is shouldn't be a jade of his pack. After all Lan Qiren cautioned him from birth and raised him to restrain his emotions.

He was blind to his hubris. I don't have any expectations?

The version of him that died minutes ago was truly a fool. He did not meditate enough. His understanding of principle of Confucian, the Dao, or the Buddha barely skimmed the surface.

Did he not hope or pray or wish that Wei Wuxian would love him?

No.

He wanted it like air. Now he suffocates. His throat constricts. His unwarranted expectations choke up there.

A hollow exists where his heart should be. In a utopia, Wei Wuxian would have placed his heart in Lan Wangji's care. He cannot take back his heart nor does he want to. The moon may not bless people once but he has made his choice. His love where it is rightfully where it belongs. Love is no obligation.

The fault lays in his shallow cultivation. He swore to never impose their fated-bond on Wei Wuxian. That much he barely managed. He intends to keep that oath. For the rest of his days, he will mind his position. He will hope for the honor of remaining Wei Wuxian's friend. He has to.

Wei Wuxian can't discover this. That he has fiercesome teeth. That his claws are more menacing than a dog's. That he is the kind of being that his moon despises.

He dare not exist then.

The Lan juniors being adorable part has been linked incase you need to recover from the above.

#Winding Moonrise #MDZS #Wangxian #Medium Sads #(I asked two people based on the last three lines how sad it was and averaged the result) #This is the longest part I have written #wick writes #I was going to write LWJ lamenting to the moon but that ending is just chef's kiss levels of dramatic #I physically cannot tell how sad any part is because I am 100% looking forward to writing the drama of specific scenes