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#I want to step on both of these men in pointy stilettos
bougiebutchbitch · 5 months
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Shanks sees the Cross Guild poster, goes through all stages of grief then immediately starts plotting how to fuck Crocodile so he can be 3/3, he might be a scrub but every hole is a goal, he even makes a slideshow and tries to get Buggy and Mihawk to give him cover letters recommending him for number 4 of the polycule. Too bad Crocodile isn't interested in him and actively hates him and is quite happy with his spoiled bratty clown he torments with his bitchy goth swordsman. What would Shanks even bring to the table anyway, whiskey dick? 3way emotional constipation? Buggy can become a portable fleshlight and dildo and they already have the former Roger pirate position covered with him. He gets soundly rejected then cries to Benn about it for a week.
yes. YES. Shanks is the ultimate slut. King cock. Prince pussy. He can do this. He believes in himself
Then Crocodile is like. I don't want no scrubs. Bye.
Cue Shanks crying 5eva
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mariequitecontrarie · 7 years
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Meet Me in the Courtyard: Part 4
Summary: Ruby finds Belle and Gold in an awkward embrace. Later, Leroy approaches Belle with some unsolicited advice. The Fic: Belle hosts a monthly movie night in Storybrooke, always leaving the seat next to her empty. Gold loathes movies, yet movie night at the library is the one community event even he can’t seem to resist.  Rating: T A/N: @a-monthly-rumbelling November prompt:  They work opposite each other. (Also fills October’s prompt, “You said you’d always be there for me…so how did this happen? Why weren’t you there?” but I’m really late). Yes, Ruby is still being a jerk, but Gold’s not going to take it anymore. Also finally some GrumpBelle/ Dwarf Beauty, because I’ve been wanting to fic their friendship for a long time. Thanks to @magnoliatattoo for being my beta!
{On AO3} Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
“Lemme guess…it’s not what it looks like.” Ruby grinned and flicked droplets of water off her raincoat, then shimmied out of the jacket and dumped it on the worktable.
“Actually, it’s exactly what it looks like,” Belle snapped. It was a lie, but Ruby’s arrogance was really pissing her off. Her hair was still attached to Gold’s belt and half her face was pressed against the scratchy wool fabric near his zipper, making it painful to look anywhere but at Ruby’s pointy red stilettos. “Don’t you knock?”
“Don’t you know how to lock a door?” Ruby countered. Belle cringed; the seventies porn couple was still in the throes of their faked orgasms. “It’s pouring outside, or I’d guess you couldn’t hear me over the sound of your heavy breathing.”
“Here to save Miss French from the town monster, Miss Lucas?” Gold asked. Belle felt his body tense, and his knuckles dug into her cheek as he struggled to unbuckle his belt.
“If the knockoff Armani fits…” Ruby sneered.
“It doesn’t,” Belle interrupted, her heart sinking when Gold referred to her as ‘Miss French.’ At this rate, she could say goodbye to any hopes of a relationship. “No rescuing required,” she added with artificial brightness.
“Yeah, looks like things are going really well.” Ruby stepped closer and gave her a condescending pat on the head, then turned to Gold. “Instructional video, huh? Aren’t you a little old not to know how it works?”
Belle gritted her teeth, giving Ruby one-eyed glare while Gold continued to struggle with his belt. Her cheek was chafing from where it was pressed against Gold’s clothing and her neck was starting to cramp.
A snapping noise pierced the room as the belt came off, and she slumped against his legs, smacking her forehead on his kneecap. “Ow!”
Gold snagged her by the arm and hauled her to her feet. She pressed one hand to her throbbing forehead and the other to her scratched cheek. “Are you all right?” he asked near her ear. His warm hands curled around her upper arms, steadying her.
“I’m…yes, I think so.” She took a step back, still massaging her sore face.
“Let me get you some ice,” he said, gesturing toward the small refrigerator in the corner. He tossed his belt on his desk, then made his way to the back corner of the shop.
“Grab your Viagra on your way back,” Ruby sang out. “Looks like you’re gonna need it.”
“Most men would in order to get in the mood with you, dearie.” Gold barked a dry laugh over his shoulder.
Belle slumped onto the small cot she’d been sitting on earlier and rubbed her temples. She wanted to tell Ruby to stop talking and leave, but the room was spinning and her mouth felt like it was stuffed full of cotton.
Gold returned to her side, then handed her an old-fashioned ice bag with a screw-top lid, and Belle pressed it against her forehead with a grateful moan.
He lightly tapped her neck with two warm fingers and her pulse skittered. The spicy scent of his aftershave calmed her, and she leaned against his shoulder, forgetting for a moment that they were no longer alone.
“I think these bruises will fade fast.” He grimaced, reminding her of their audience. “I’m so sorry, Belle.”
“Gross.” Ruby stuck out her tongue. “Don’t start reenacting the porno until after I leave, okay?”
Belle blinked at her and Gold dropped his hands. “We weren’t watching it.”
“Evidently.” Ruby gestured at the screen where the movie continued to play.
“It was an accident,” Belle protested. “The film was there by mistake, and then we couldn’t turn the machine off.”
“Really.” Ruby walked over to the projector and hit the button, and the reel stopped with a creak. “I think that ice is starting to numb your brain, Belles.”
“Miss Lucas, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Gold stood and squared his shoulders. “I’m sure there’s a strapping young lad waiting in a bathroom stall who requires your particular brand of attention.”
“Actually, I’m here with the rent check,” Ruby said with saccharine sweetness. “Thought I’d hand-deliver it this month.” She flapped a damp, coffee-stained enveloped at him.
Gold gave the envelope a distasteful glare. “Missed the large lockbox labeled R-E-N-T outside the door, did you?”
“Yep, breezed right by it.” Ruby said, slapping her hand over her face. “And now I need a drink or bleach for my eyes. Maybe both.”
“Help yourself to the scotch.” Gold waved a hand toward a crystal decanter and a set of tumblers sitting on his desk.
Ruby dumped the amber liquid into a glass with a smirk, filling it almost to the brim. “Don’t mind if I do.” She took a huge swallow and choked, sloshing some of her drink on the floor.
“Probably a good thing you’ve mastered that gag reflex, Miss Lucas.” Gold poured modest servings of scotch into two glasses and handed one to Belle.
“Not at all, Gold.” Ruby hopped up on the worktable and crossed her legs.  “I always gag when I see your ugly face.”
“Ruby!” Belle dropped her drink, splattering scotch, ice cubes, and splintered glass all over the polished hardwood. “Oh no! Gold, I’m sorry.” She hopped off the cot and searched the room for a broom.
Ruby rolled her eyes. “Relax, Belle. It’s just a drink. No need to be so dramatic.”
“Sit down, Belle,” Gold ordered, snatching the broom and handing her his glass. “I’ve got this.”
While Gold mopped up the liquid and swept up the bits of glass into a dustpan, Belle wrapped her hands around his drink, feeling wretched. What was wrong with Ruby? Ever since Belle had finally started connecting with Gold at the library movie nights, her so-called best friend had been smug and snappish and throwing up opposition at every opportunity.
She needed Ruby to leave before things got worse, but she didn’t have the first clue what to say.
Gold shoveled the broken glass into the wastebasket, followed by the empty Johnny Walter bottle, and tied up the bag. “Take this out, would you dearie?” Gold threw the white plastic garbage bag Ruby’s feet. “You know your way around the trash.”
Ruby froze with her drink halfway to her mouth, then set it down with trembling fingers, her eyes wide and her face white as a sheet. “Are you calling me trash?”
“If the pleather fits.” Gold studied his fingernails with quiet nonchalance.
Belle had never seen Ruby move so fast. She watched in stunned silence as Ruby picked up her coat and hurried through the curtain to the front of the shop on wobbly legs.
“Miss Lucas, a moment.”
“What?” Ruby half-turned, her dark hair falling over her cheek.
Gold’s smirk was cold as ice. “I’ll take that rent check now.”
Ruby hurled the envelope, sending the paper fluttering, and he caught it. He slipped the envelope inside his breast pocket in one smooth motion, an impassive expression on his handsome face.
Belle hunched her shoulders, wanting the floor to open and swallow her up. Her stomach gave a sickening lurch; he must be furious with her. Who could blame him? Ashamed, she forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’ll be right back,” she whispered, then hurried toward the front of the shop to catch up with Ruby.
“Ruby! Wait!”
Ruby whirled around, her green eyes snapping. “Can you believe that guy?”
“Yeah, I can.” Belle crossed her arms over her chest. “You deserved it.”
“What?”
“Your behavior tonight was inexcusable.” She wheezed, feeling like a weight was crushing her lungs.
“Are you serious, Belle?” Ruby’s hands flew to her hips. “He’s so stiff he probably sleeps with his cane up his ass. Not to mention he’s old enough to be your father. You’re supposed to be the smart one. I thought you had more dignity and a hell of a lot more sense.”
The string of accusations stung, and angry tears filled Belle’s eyes. She blinked them away, not bothering to explain away her awkward embrace with Gold yet again. Ruby had barged in on them and turned an awkward situation into utter humiliation, and now she wanted to play the injured party?
Belle wanted to scream her frustrations, to fire horrible insults designed to hurt, but she and Ruby had grown up together. They’d supported each other through first crushes and bad breakups and conquered everything side-by-side from acne to the prom. Ever since Belle had thrown a book at Killian “Hook” Jones’ head for dipping Ruby’s pigtails in glue back in second grade, they’d been sworn besties for life. She still had her half of the friendship bracelet they’d bought together when they were ten in her jewelry box.
Even when Belle had gone to college in Boston while Ruby stayed behind in Storybrooke to help Granny run the diner, they texted almost every day, and when Belle came home to work at the library, they’d picked up right where they left off.
It wasn’t so easy to be indifferent to her oldest and closest friend.
“Well?” Ruby tapped her foot. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
That did it.
“Me?” Belle squeaked. “You’re judging me about relationships? You have a red book where you write down all your conquests and rate them on their performance, and I’m the slut.” She was starting to shake, and her throat felt like it was full of sawdust. “You know how I feel about Gold. How long I’ve waited to find someone to love who might actually love me back. Do you know how hard tonight was for me? Well, let me tell you something: it was very hard. I needed a friend today, Ruby. I thought that person was you. You said you’d always be there for me, so how did this happen? Why weren’t you there?”
xoxo
Belle sat alone in a booth in a back corner of the diner, picking at the bits of crispy dried cheese on the edges of her bacon cheeseburger. It looked and smelled delicious, but her appetite had withered when Ruby had flounced past her table without even a glance in her direction. Belle signed and frowned at her iced tea. She’d deliberately sat as far from Ruby’s section as possible, but she should have gone to Tony’s for pizza. Two weeks had gone by since her terrible humiliation, and she hadn’t been able to face either Ruby or Gold.
“Oh, hey. It’s the movie librarian lady,” a gruff male voice said. “I’m Leroy. I work across the street from the library at Snowy White’s.” He held out a beefy, callused hand.
Belle shook his hand without making eye contact and pulled a book out of her handbag. She wasn’t in the mood for conversation, and the last time she’d crossed paths with Leroy, he had been a total jerk. She seemed to be running into jerks a lot lately. “Yes, I know who you are,” she said.
“Snowy White’s is the dry cleaner,” he continued, as if she hadn’t spoken. “I work the front desk.”
“I’ve seen you in the window.” She didn’t add that she often spied on Gold when he went into the cleaner’s with a bundle of shirts to be laundered, or came out with a collection of pressed suits on hangers. She pressed her lips together and cracked the cover on her book, hoping Leroy would leave her alone to read and cry into her burger in peace, but still he stood there, hovering beside the table.
He plopped down on the banquette opposite her. “You look upset, sister. What’s wrong?”
Belle looked up warily. She was at odds with her best friend and she had been completely humiliated front of a man she really liked. The only man she’d ever really liked. She couldn’t handle another scolding from Leroy or anyone else. “Are you going to yell at me?”
He frowned and pulled his cap lower across his forehead, shading his eyes. “Would I have come over here and sat down if I was gonna yell at you?”
“You yelled at me at the movie night last month.” She twisted her mouth. “Remember? I was being too loud, you said. Then you hit me with a box of Junior Mints.”
“Oh.” His neck flushed. “Forgot about that. I’m really sorry. It’s Ruby who got under my skin, to be honest. Girl’s got a mouth the size of Michigan. Also, I, uh, get a little emotional over movies.”
“Me too.” She felt the shadow of a smile cross her face. Leroy was gruff and a little rough around the edges, but there was a kindness in his hazel eyes that put her at ease. And at the moment, the fact that he found Ruby annoying was a point in his favor. She set her book aside. Maybe some company would do her good after all. “Would you like some fries? Granny fixed me this huge plate, but I’m not really hungry.”
“Yeah, thanks.” He removed his cap, and caught the basket of fries she shoved into the center of the table. “You talk, I’ll eat.”
“Deal,” she said, and this time her smile was genuine.
Leroy attacked the food, and Belle found that once she started talking, she couldn’t stop. She told him everything, filling him in about the uncomfortable movie nights, the awkward lunch and dinner out she and Gold had shared, and the horrible evening at the shop with the vintage porn film when Ruby had ruined everything.
“I should have kicked Ruby out myself,” Belle said.
He snorted. “Nah. Gold knows how to take care of himself. But your date didn’t sound so bad before Ruby got there.”
“It was fine. Better than fine.” Flushing, she looked away, remembering how close she and Gold had come to kissing before Ruby barged in. “And then it wasn’t. That was two weeks ago, and I haven’t spoken to Gold since. I call and hang up; I walk by the store and peek in the window, but I can’t bring myself to go inside. Three days ago I saw him at the park.”
“What happened at the park?” Leroy took a long drag from his soda.
“I waved,” she said, cringing at how lame she sounded. “He waved back!”
“That’s it?” Leroy snorted again.
Belle took a sip of tea and changed the subject. “Do you…I mean, what do you think of him? Gold.”
He clamped down on a toothpick. “It doesn’t matter what I think of him. Not me or anyone else. All that matters is you like him. You need to be brave, Belle. If you really like this guy, and it sounds like you do, tell him. Take charge. And be honest about how you feel. Chances are he feels the same, but isn’t sure how to say so.”
“What if he doesn’t?” Belle wasn’t sure she could open herself up to another rejection.
“At least you’ll know.” Leroy rolled the toothpick in his fingertips. “You said he likes Chinese food. Today’s Saturday; date night. And it sounds like he gets twitchy out in public—”
“Twitchy?” Belle interrupted.
Leroy raised an eyebrow. “You know what I mean. The diner, the movies…things seem to go wrong when you’re out. Show up at his house tonight with Mr. Wong’s and a movie and see what happens.”
“Sounds…adventurous. The last time I surprised him, it didn’t end well.” She laughed nervously and tapped the cover of her book. “The stories I read about always end so much more happily than real life.”
He shook his head. “This isn’t a book. This is your life. Don’t think, Belle. Go.”
Belle bit her lip, gripped in indecision.
He reached across the table and patted her hand. “Look, you asked me what I think, and I think Gold’s a self-important jerk.”
“Hey!”
“You asked. But here’s the funny thing, sister. Sometimes people are grumpy because they’re lonely. They’re waiting to see if someone will bother to peel back the layers and see if they’re worth it. You could be that person for Gold. But you’ll never know unless you give it another try.”
“You’re right,” she said. It was the best advice she’d heard in a long time, maybe ever. She was lonely herself these days, and certainly feeling more than a little grumpy. “Thanks Leroy.”
He flushed with the compliment, then rubbed his dark beard. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
He dug around in his pocket, then pulled out a crumpled square of paper. “Would you like a coupon for Snowy White’s? Bring in six sweaters, only pay for four.”
She nodded. “That’s quite an offer.”
“I’ve got a whole book of ‘em,” he said excitedly. “And hey, since we work opposite each other, maybe I could help you. People could drop off their books at the counter when they’re in a hurry, and I could bring them to you at the library at the end of the day. Maybe you could leave some coupons for Snowy’s at the circulation desk, too?”
“I think I can do that,” Belle agreed with a smile.
“Great!”
“So, does this mean…are we becoming friends?” She held her breath, not realizing how much the answer meant to her until she’d asked the question.
“Yeah.” He grinned, showing two rows of gleaming white teeth, a charming little gap between the two front ones. “Yeah, I think we are.”
###
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