#I think readmore just breaks the post oof

[artobotsrollout]

ROASTING REVIEWING KNOCKOFF TRANSFORMERS

Part 1

So it's no secret that I enjoy collecting TF figures. My collection isn't massive but I like to collect my favourite characters! Hasbro figures (at least the first series released at the start of a continuity is. I can't speak to some of the later releases) are usually p decent quality.

Decent faces. Thought out weight distribution so even characters like TfP Starscream can stand. Smooth joints. Basically an all around decent toy.

Of course with any piece of media there are the knockoffs.

Let's get into the first one

DINOSAUR Battle $4

Montoy

I saw these and thought they were cute right? "ooh a bunch of mini transformable dinosaurs"

However, the moment I look a little closer I already found things that bug me.

Review under Readmore

* Please be aware that this entire post is meant to be jokey. I'm not actually angry about any of these things. I'm exaggerating for emphasis and humour. *

The pictures of the dinosaurs to the left of each toy are not the same colours as the actual toys in the packaging. It's possible maybe the colours are random but from what I could see all the packages had the same colours??

Another issue... Maybe it's not as big of a deal to most people but as a paleo-nerd it really bugs me. So they label which dinosaurs they are right?? Well...

CRYPTOCLIOUS IS A PLESIOSAUR (Think long necked swimming dinosaur. Think Loch Ness monster) which if you look at the figure

IT HAS FREAKING FEET

A better name would be diplodocus or brachiosaurus OR Yknow what I'd even accept the outdated term Brontosaurus for this guy. At least it's the long necked land living dinosaur and not the water dwelling sea reptile.

I FEEL LIKE to have put down Cryptocleus you had to google it. So if you had to google you'd have seen that cryptoclious has FREAKING FLIPPERS.

I don't usually get upset about dinosaur mistakes bc like... I don't want to be that person who yells at people for not knowing dinosaurs / extinct creatures. Lord know I have gaps in my own knowledge. It's more just baffling to me that they picked a species that isn't even a dinosaur like the toy is. And it's such a weirdly weirdly specific and not well known species too.

I haven't even opened them yet and for some reason?? I expected every dinosaur to transform but apparently they are just meant to combine?? Into a wholeass dude? And that's it?

Anyways here they are

Despite my misgivings and the definitely cheap plastic used some of the designs are p cute.

Only the tip of the wings flap apparently 😂 the rest of the wing is permanently out oof.

Poor T-Rex. This is as high on his body as his head goes. He is doomed to forever fall flat on his face. 😔 Truly tragic

I appreciate the stegosaurus having constant finger guns 😂

The joints are not great. Some are okay while others are kinda tough to move. The pieces come off too easily as well.

Time to make it into a man.

....

........

...........

How the Frick is this a man?!?

This is so goofy looking help 😂

Amazing.

Now I'm gonna leave the joking mode and be serious for the conclusion.

These are not great quality but they have cute designs. The designs are fun if a bit odd at some parts. Cheap plastic and not super well thought out toy. Then again I didn't expect much for $4CAD

If you're someone who likes painting toys then these could be fun to use as a base.

I don't have children and haven't worked very much with children so take what I say with a grain of salt. For a child who is delicate with their toys and old enough to not eat everything it's not terrible. Could be cute in a gift bag from a birthday party. Wouldn't recommend for young children. There's a lot of easily removable small parts that could be consumed and be a choking hazard. Not to mention idk how toxic the material is. Also wouldn't recommend for children who play very roughly with their toys. Parts will go missing easily and some of the parts are thin and feel like it wouldn't take very much to break them.

The Combiner mode is kinda pathetic so if you are getting the toy, get it for the cute robot dinosaurs and not for the robot they turn into.

#Tf figures #Transformers #Transformer figures #Transformer toys #Transformers toys #Autothots reviews #knock off #Knock off transformers

[sp-ud]

Now that I'm free from tumblr post limit hell, I'm just gonna shove all the notes i made while unable to post.

I was watching bbh's stream

Also I said a lot so let's get a readmore B) spoilers for bbh's dec 11th stream

Alright time to hit that copy paste

• The egg saw bbh choosing skeppy over bbh so it took skeppy

• Why can't I make drafts when I've hit the post limit this is stupid

• Chat stop telling bbh to kiss skeppy

• Kinda hope the egg gets freed and bbh and skeppy are on the same side again

• Lol skeppy said fuck

• Skeppys red skin is so ugly but at least mans changed it and is dedicated

• Lmao hes talking to skeppy like a dog

• I wonder what my parents think im listening to rn, they can probs only hear the screaming

• Does this mean skeppy was hatched from the egg?

• Not skeppy being on twitter in the middle of rp

• I cant believe Twitter is canon

• Me looking at all the posts I can't rb: :(

• Skeppys only fine with the egg being destroyed because of the obsidian needs to be destroyed first lmao

• IS BBH GONNA KISS PUFFY? DIVJEKSNF LOVE OVERCOMES? NAH JEALOUSY DOES IN THIS HOUSE

• I put some roleplay in the roleplay

• Aww lil smooch on the nose and then one on the cheek

• "Cringe."

• How many times can bbh try "one last thing"

• Bbh and puffy on the crafting table together, guys thats not how it works

• Skeppy just fucking appearing. Also tf is ponk doing

• Is ponk flying in the bg??? Hello???

• We not gonna talk about ponk flying in the bg???

• Okay but... does skeppy even have a nose too smooch?

• DUDUDUDU

• Why do all the rituals happen on bbh and skeppys lawn

• DISC?????

• I wish puffy wasn't discount skeppy for all if this even tho its kinda funny

• FUCK AN AD :(

• BAD PUT THE DISC AWAY RN please

• Bbh have rain off but not the water droplets is trippy

• Hahaha well I bet the disc is gonna die

• Lmao the deaths dont count cuz its a side plot

• LMAO SKEPPY BACKPEDALING YHE SECOND BAD FINALLY DECIDES TO SMOOCH HIM

• Just cuz the deaths aren't canon doesn't mean the events arent

• Props to bbh puffy and skeppy for being able to carry a whole rp stream just the 3 of them

• LMAO JELOUSBOYHALO

• Sam was there and then he's gone oof, one person who could break the egg

• This ad was oof timing

• I am so sad, tumblr let me post again alreadyy

• Sleeping on the couch? Nah make them room in the basement

• Bad 🥺🥺🥺

• I cant hear "but um" without going "tss"

• Technoblade???

• Aww bad ending cuz it got a bit too much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

• AWWWWW SKEPPY SENDING A <3 WHOLESOME POG

• Bye bad! Take care of urself! I bet he and skeppy are gonna hang out off stream like the best buds they are :D

• I cant wait to post this shit on tumblr once they free me, I think I have like 40 mins left trapped in hell

• Puffy in a sad voice: he looks like the kool-aid man

• Skeppy has like a... dictionary or some shit next to him

• I love these new nicknames

• I want to be free from tumblr hell

#spud liveblogs #technically #spud rambles #mcyt #dream smp #badboyhalo #skeppy #captainpuffy #dream smp spoilers #dsmp spoilers

[macgyvertape]

50 or so hours into Cyberpunk 2077

This should be roughly the correct amount of time, ive been leaving the game running as I get up to get food or do stretches. Quests are roughly in order I did them

non spoilers above cut:

 i haven't found a single hat/helmet i like, and since you can't hide them I just am not wearing any. It matters that much.

I posted the other day about bugs, every few hours I play I find new bugs. some require me to go back and reload a save others I honestly can’t tell if it’s a bug or just really poor development

there are several perks that don’t quite do what the description says, like the Anamesis perk. Based on reddit and trying it out it seems to just not do anything.

sometimes in car chase segments the passenger will say “look out” as cars spawn in my path and hit me. Can’t tell if that was deliberate or a pop in issue

Yeah I’ve just totally given up on doing pacifist things unless required by a mission. Given up on doing stealth too unless a mission objective, except for sneaking around to set up a fight.

:readmore:

the delemain car quest is fun. From the shock of the one going "beep beep motherfucker" and doing a hit and run to start it off, to the GLADOS car i see a lot of people talking about. It was fun to explore the city when i might have missed places like the landfill apparently there is follow up on T-bug's death if you go back to the quick hack shop in Kabuki. It's not much but better than nothing I made the pass with Panam of "what if the room just had one bed". I know she won't do a wlw romance, which is fine since I wouldn’t have chosen her.  I enjoy her as a character, don’t get me wrong, my V considers her as a friend, but it seems like theres always drama going on which would be tiring. I would have gone for a fling, i like her leotard-pants combo with all the straps

but also her questline was buggy as hell. Multiple cases of having to reload due to clipping into objects, including her in a driving section, or just insta-dying when collision physics with some rocks broke "your neural network can no longer function independantly of the chip" me slapping my desk: s y m b i o te!!! come on lets have some s y m b i o s i s

in the scene with hellman i really liked how Johnny moved around the room. It made him feel like he was really there. it was hard to follow the convo as I left the room, i would not have understood it without subtitles. But i guess Takemura fucking waterboarded hellman. :|

lol I hope the dialogue is different b/c i refuse to smoke for Johnny

i am level 18 and still can't beat the first opponents in the fist fighting quest. ffs

I looked up the romances options so I went to do the I fought the law quest as soon as i got it. ACAB, but like I literally just met River Ward 2 minutes ago, and I really like him. His earring and cyborg eye, his big fluffy coat. I'm definitely gonna sleep with him Ok i like how when River Ward is dealing with the tiger claws if you interject it leads to a fight. It goes better if you follow his instructions and let him deal with it. Seriously I enjoy that sometimes its good to not pick a dialogue choice.

during the red queen club part, there was no dialogue over the phone. So i reloaded a save and got myself spotted and attacked. Then River showed up to help me <3 and it was more enjoyable having him there. I honestly am not sure if him not going to the club level is bug or not.

then uuuuuugh the worst of irl police "cops are my family" from Detective Han. Again ACAB "FRATERNITY OF CITY COPS RESEMBLES A [Nomad] CLAN NOT AT ALL" ok a few minutes ago i was complaining about bugs, but the character modeling in this game is good (when they're there). You can see body posture, characters jiggle their legs when they are nervous. Like I though character A was just throwing a cigarette on the ground, but then character B flinches back; I realize Char A threw it at B as a fuck you

I'm honestly curious if "I fought the Law" quest will have any impact later on. My choices were that I thought there was more going on than Holt being the only person behind this (based on how complicated the main questline heist is, and keeping an eye on some of the in game news), and told him not to take it to internal affairs, and I loved his response of how he doesn't give a shit what we think, he's doing it anyway.

In the elevator to report in, Johnny said "this muck is deeper than you think, tell them nothing", so i just said that the case was complicated. anyway i love how much of a sarcastic asshole V is

I thought i was being nonlethal with the monk quest, but it seems i accidently killed someone. RIP, but thats kind of the problem with this game. Like when i do the non lethal cyberpychosis quests I equip my non lethal modded gun and hope for the est. I like how a go here kill things quest led to Charles the ripperdoc. He's getting all his parts from scav gang members so I felt obligated to take him out. I got a police bounty for it but w/e.

I merged the Delemain fragments with the whole. Guess he's the meta now. (Side note: some of my favorite rvb fanfic plots are Ai consiousness/memory merging with the humans, so I’m having fun with this game and look foward to introspective fanfic)

Honestly Jonny made some good points, the fragments didn't deserve to die; but also destroying the core and freeing the fragments, they couldn't really function alone.

I was able to rescue Saul fine with stealth. Using cameras and the synapse overload really made it easy.  Can't use the sniper rifle reward b/c I don't have the stats for it, and while it has a silencer the fact that it's a ricochette weapon and not a shoot through walls weapons, makes it not as good imo; and theres a legendary one that is stats free for only 100k.

Lol made a pass again at Panam, and she immediately shut me down. I then did Mitch's quest and I love every time someone tells V they area  good person.

I hacked the operation carpe noctem shard, and wow the corporations are using ai to make people have cyberpsychosis, or something like that. What a shocker /s, I've played Deus Ex HR before

lol driving through the unifinished interstate, past the fight from Panam's first quest I found a "batcave" with a very nice car, and a manifesto written by "muckman'. But here's my complaint about the loot, there is a legendary top, but it had 16 armor. My current top has 84 armor, like why would i switch?? then later i found a bunker with soviet spies in it. Wild

Doing River's second quest, love the timing of as soon as you ask, why are we breaking in, someone shows up to tell you he got kicked off the force. It's funny how Johnny comments how maybe River's into you, and V just doubts Johnny's words. Love how the first kid asks River if I'm his girlfriend. also wow like oof both the second parts of Judy and River's quest are SUPER fucked UP!! oof like i stopped doing first person mode on the braindances for those quests as soon as i could, just made me too uncomfortable seeing that in first person.

DRIVING IN THE GAME IS BAD! nowhere is it more apparent than the sinnerman quest, which took me 3 times to get the driving section done, as cars spawned out of nowhere to hit me. Then when you restart, there is a bunch of dialogue it doesn't let you fast forward through. The rest of the Sinnerman questline is interesting. My V took every option to tell the dude that he was messed up, and what he was doing was wrong. idk, I was surprised how much dialogue there was that let you buy into his whole "forgiveness thing" and how there wasn't any real dialogue to call him the fuck out, that in seeking forgiveness he continues to do harm both emotional to the mother of the man he killed, but also that he got the husband killed via cop. The later follow up quest, I told him that what he is doing is crazy, studio is just going to profit off this vid. Then I refused to join him prayer, and told him fuck no i wasn't going to hammer him to the cross, or even watch. Yes, the man is scared of dying, and the corporation is exploiting him, but he keeps creating burdens for others.  I think the discussion on this quest will be interesting to read, it's definitely my own personal experience with religion coloring my view. Anyway back to a main quest, yeah i don't trust Placide, especially in that scene where he grabs my hand, then jacks in. I ran off to do most of the sidequests here and got some criticism from him. I do love how in the cinema the western movie switches to a mission brief as the netwatch agent talks. its a fun enviromental detail.  I took the netwatch offer, i don't think he's being fully honest with me, but he didn't put a virus in my head. As I told Placide later, I didn't pick a side. I like how you can then talk with the agent, who is a fan of Western movies, b/c they show "a simpler time where all good guys carry badges" :eyeroll:, and then V recommends Unforgiven, which from the wiki summary goes against that theme.

Looks like the Voodoo boys all got killed by Netwatch, but I as revenge for them trying to set me up I'm fine with it. Honestly after speaking with ai!Alt I don’t believe their plan of trying to be on good relations with AI would work. 

doing the johnny flashback 2, and wow Johnny really is an asshole. Like I had gotten so used to him in side missions I forgot how self centered and unlikable he was.You constantly get prompts to drink or do drugs, which I ignored. But i do love the goth/punk love Rogue and others have.

lol i called it, when Hellman said that the engram would seek to override the host, put V on the engram. I really like how as the relic malfunctions, you wind up in the chair with a cigarette, which you can either smoke and say you are turning into Johnny or throw away. My dialogue "your problem is the ends justify the means", which is true!!! He and Rogue detonated a nuke downtown, does anyone know that, and like ask Rogue about it????

(Funny you can ask Rouge about Johnny silverhand, over the phone, then the game bugs out and spawns her npc where you are. She doens't say much about the nuke, but she does say no one trusts you for jobs). The line of no one trusting you for jobs is pretty funny at level 46 street cred where im at “respected” status. really loving the family atmosphere at River's 3rd quest. Also his big strong arms, and the fact he is no longer a cop. I totally let the kids win, and wow the family dinner where they GRILL YOU over the relationship and try to set the two of you up, then the water tower scene!!!!! I don't love the first person sex cutscenes but they do have personality. I'm glad afterwards you got to tell River about the biochip and that you might die. Because he's so far removed from your personal plot. So I took that option to back out of a relationship.

I do love that you wake up with "river's tanktop" that says "fuck the police" It actually has extremely good armor stats, so thats what I'll wear now.

panam 3rd quest, when shes like why did you help me, I'm like "because it's important to you". Basically the closest you can get to "when a friend asks for help you help them", which as an ex-nomad backstory I really choose the nomad options when ever i can Paralezes quest part 2! I love the piano song but I always think of it as ocean's 11 music. It's also fun to see the computer and see Judy recommended you for the first quest. The emails talk about "forgetting" to hire a staffer, on the balocony a strange antennia was scannable, the color of the roses was remembered wrong...  lol guess i was right with those giant wall screens. Its fun environmental details that spell things out before you can notice, and it ties into some other quests where people's behavior is being altered. Actually, this quest "Dream On" I love it! For a while I've been like "wheres the illuminati conspiracy! Here it IS! I chose to follow Elisabeth's wishes and not tell her husband he was being brainwashed. In best case they program him to forget again, in worst case he ends up dead. The gaslighting Elisabeth described is CHILLING, her husband describes a vacation she can't remember and she doesn't know whose memories have been messed with. On your way to the plaza you get a call from someone/something that says the know exactly WHAT you are, any you black out!!! It's such a great feeling of helplessness that you're just one person in a world so big that you can't fight every power. As Johnny said, could be a corporation, could be a rogue ai, either way Jefferson is fucked (and so are you).

#cyberpunk 2077 #mac plays video games #a lot of this journaling i do #so in a few years i can look back #and see my first impressions

[bythewoodsitgrows]

would u do the whole "unique" questions ask game 👀👀 if not just 1-6 :)

i Love answering questions, so ofc i will answer all of them ghfjshdjkgd. i think you mean these? i couldn’t find asks that said “unique” on them that i’ve reblogged recently so... idk! but thank you

(hopefully these are the right ones, if not pls yell at me which ones to answer and i’ll take myself out behind the shed)

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? / closed oh my god, if there’s a murderer i don’t wanna know

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? / nah, they usually aren’t good for my hair and i’m very particular

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? / tucked up under my feet!

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? / no but i’ve absolutely thought about it

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? / yessss

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? / i def use them if i cut them out

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? / i would rather be attack by a bear bc it’s one thing versus like 500 things

8: Do you have freckles? / yes! i love them

9: Do you always smile for pictures? / yah pretty much! that or a funny face

10: What is your biggest pet peeve? / people who i dont know just... touching me. or people who don’t follow store rules

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? / noppeeee 

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? / god no

13: What about pooped in the woods? / no 

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? / i am Always Wiggling

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? / nah, i chew my mouth

16: How many people have you slept with this week? / none

17: What size is your bed? / right now its a queen

18: What is your Song of the week? / how do you sleep by sam smith, i love them so so so much

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? / yes its just a color

20: Do you still watch cartoons? / i dont watch much of anything tbh

21: Whats your least favorite movie? / chucky. any chucky movie.

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? / the bottom of the sea

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? / i’m neither. my hat size is large

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? / ketchup or sweet n sour sauce!

25: What is your favorite food? / mustard and pickles, gag

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? / i have seen resident evil: apocalypse and ocean’s 8 about a million times each. also ponyo and spirited away

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? / the last person to kiss me on the lips shall not be named

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? / nopeee

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? / uhh, nah, i don’t think i would

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? / it’s been a while. i want to do that again

31: Can you change the oil on a car? / i don’t even know where to begin

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? / no, i got a parking ticket once though

33: Ever ran out of gas? / not that i can remember

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? / philly cheesesteak beechhh

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? / biscuits and gravy, with bacon and orange juice

36: What is your usual bedtime? / around 1 am, best case scenario

37: Are you lazy? / no i have executive dysfunction issues

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? / i just loved any reason to wear my cape lol

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? / i am an earth rabbit!

40: Are you horny? / dhjalhgfjg wild question. sometimes?

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? / nope. i used to be subscribed to gameinformer tho

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? / legos! but the big ones, not the little ones

43: Are you stubborn? / yes.

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? / gag me

45: Ever watch soap operas? / yesyesyes i used to LOVE watching k-dramas

46: Are you afraid of heights? / not especially

47: Do you sing in the car? / yes 

48: Do you sing in the shower? / yes yes

49: Do you dance in the car? / yes yes yes

50: Ever used a gun? / nope, and i don’t want to 

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? / when i was graduating high school

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? / i want to BE in a musical, i love them. yes they are cheesy

53: Is Christmas stressful? / yeahhh

54: Ever eat a pierogi? / a wot

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? / apple or cherry

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? / i wanted to be a pediatrician for the longest time

57: Do you believe in ghosts? / yes.

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? / constantly, all the time

59: Take a vitamin daily? / yep!

60: Wear slippers? / oh yeah

61: Wear a bath robe? / nope, they’re not comfy

62: What do you wear to bed? / either a hoodie and shorts, or just shorts

63: First concert? / green day, revolution radio tour in 2016 or 2017!

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? / target! i love kmarts though

65: Nike or Adidas? / adidassss

66: Cheetos Or Fritos? / cheetos!

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? / peanuts but only boiled, otherwise sunflowers

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? / i don’t know her

69: Ever take dance lessons? / in elementary school!

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? / not really? probably something similar to whatever i end up doing i guess?

71: Can you curl your tongue? / yes ;)

72: Ever won a spelling bee? / nope, always close but no cigar

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? / yah all the time

74: Own any record albums? / nope

75: Own a record player? / nope

76: Regularly burn incense? / yes! i love it

77: Ever been in love? / yes. it’s a really lovely feeling.

78: Who would you like to see in concert? / lana del rey or allie x currently

79: What was the last concert you saw? / some tribute band to some other band, i can’t remember right now. but the guitarist threw his guitar pick in my shirt, so that was fun

80: Hot tea or cold tea? / both!

81: Tea or coffee? / both!

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? / sugar!

83: Can you swim well? / not that well, but i probably won’t drown

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? / yep! for a while, about 2-3 minutes

85: Are you patient? / depends

86: DJ or band, at a wedding? / a band sounds so nice

87: Ever won a contest? / yeah! a writing one, forever ago

88: Ever have plastic surgery? / oof no

89: Which are better black or green olives? / olives are a sin

90: Can you knit or crochet? / i can do both! but i prefer crochet

91: Best room for a fireplace? / the livingroom? would it be anywhere else?

92: Do you want to get married? / yes, someday.

93: If married, how long have you been married? / i’m not

94: Who was your HS crush? / i was too busy breaking and getting my heart broken to have crushes that mattered

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? / no, ofc not

96: Do you have kids? / nope!

97: Do you want kids? / idk! i don’t think i want to have them myself, if i ever do

98: Whats your favorite color? / green and purple

99: Do you miss anyone right now? / god, i miss so many people. i just moved, so i miss basically everyone in my life.

#anonsanonsanons #asks #question meme #thank you lovely

[femslashy]

break the chain

happy birthday @carryonsimoncarryon!!

length: 3.7k

genre(s): angst+fluff

triggers/warnings: none

simon and baz get in a fight during 7th year and end up magically handcuffed together 

a/n: thank you @cherryonsimon for ur beta skills and brutal honesty :p AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAILEY!!!! ENJOY BEING OLD 💜💜

(if the readmore doesn’t work then just click the url and it will take you to the post ^__^)

Simon

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

My jaw drops and I stare at Agatha. She doesn’t look like she’s joking, and I start to feel sick.

“What?”

“I want to break up.”

“But--but why?”

“I just don’t think we’re good together,” she says, like her words aren’t devastating. Like she hasn’t just unraveled all of my plans for our future together.

“But...but I love you…” I say, a bit pathetically, and her face hardens.

“I’m not doing this because I don’t love you, Simon. I just don’t want to be with you anymore.”

I don’t know what to say to that, and she’s not listening anyway. She’s looking at something over my shoulder and I turn around quickly to see what it is.

It’s Baz.

He gives her a lazy wave and a wink, and when I face her again she’s gone pink.

“Him?” I say incredulously. “You’re breaking up with me for him?”

“What if I am?” she says, and I feel my magic starting to rise. She takes a step back, looking scared. I curse and try to force it back down.

“Agatha,” I say, but she’s still moving. “Agatha! I didn’t mean it!”

She spins on her heel and walks off, leaving me behind in the hall.

I’m sure I look like a fish out of water; students are leaving the classrooms and everyone’s giving me a funny look. I’m still fighting to keep my magic under control and I only have one thought on my mind: this is Baz’s fault.

* * *

Baz had somehow disappeared after my confrontation with Agatha, so I go looking for him. I eventually find him lurking in an unused corridor--the one with the room where the Crucible is stored. Surely Baz isn’t daft enough to try and mess with it. He must have some other scheme planned.

I don’t care what it is, I don’t care about anything else right now other than the fact that Baz has once again ruined my life.

I’m attempting to sneak up on him when the sole of my shoe squeaks, and he whips around.

“What do you want, Snow?” Baz spits, and I rush forward without thinking.

“This is all your fault!” I yell as I shove him, “if you’d just left Agatha well alone she wouldn’t have broken up with me!”

He looks confused for a second and then smirks. That makes me angrier, so I shove him again. Harder. This time his head makes a satisfying crack as it hits the wall. I rush forward with my arm pulled back, ready to punch him. He moves to block me and our hands collide in mid-air.

I feel a shimmer of magic around my wrist and my stomach drops. Baz must have cast something too low for me to hear, and now...well, I’m not really sure what he did until I look at my hand and see the shiny metal bracelet. I don’t realize what’s happened at first; Baz tugs his wrist and mine comes with it.

Merlin’s tits, I’m fucking handcuffed to Baz. What is he planning to do to me? This must be one of his schemes! He’s going to...he’s going to…

Well, I’m not sure what he’s going to do, but it probably involves me and a pair of handcuffs.

“What the hell, Baz!” I growl, “let me go!”

He looks indignant. “I didn’t do this!”

“Of course you did!”

“Crowley, Snow, do you really think I’d attach myself to you on purpose?”

Baz

The air starts to fill with smoke, and I realize it’s Snow. Shit, I should have known this would happen. He’s going to bloody go off. I’m tempted to poke him as I usually do--because I know he’ll just shield me--but I finally give into my urge to just...help him.

“Deep breaths now, Snow,” I say, and his head snaps up. He narrows his eyes at me, but I keep going; keep holding his gaze. “Let it go. Some of it. Before you start another fire. Whatever--fuck!”

Snow shoves me into the wall for the second time today, only this time he comes with me and I’m hit from both sides.

“What was that for? I was helping you, you numpty!”

“I don’t need your help,” he snarls.

“Fine!” I spit, “let’s go find you someone else then!”

* * * The Mage is away (not that I’d want his help anyway) and Miss Possibelf is no help at all.

“I can’t fix this, boys,” she says, sounding apologetic, “the Crucible contains old and powerful magic; we don’t know how this happened, and we don’t know how to reverse it either. You’ll have to figure it out on your own.”

Snow looks like he’s ready to go off again, and I give the chain a sharp tug. It seems to bring him back to his senses and the smell of smoke starts to fade away.

“You really can’t help us?” I ask, trying not to sound as desperate as I feel. She shakes her head, and I’m almost tempted to bring up my mother. Remind her who used to run the place.

But I don’t. I’m too tired and I don’t want to risk Snow almost going off again.

I stand, tugging a snarling Snow with me and stalk towards the door. He says a quick goodbye to Miss Possibelf who calls after us, “think of it as extra-credit!” (I’d like to tell her where she can stick her bloody extra credit).

Snow is still silent as I drag him along, and I almost wish I had the distraction from my thoughts.

Aleister Crowley, why me? And why did it have to be Snow? Why do I have to be joined at the wrist with the last person on earth I want to be this close to? It only makes me that much more aware of him.

And what I can never have.

* * *

Simon

Walking up to our room is difficult; the staircase is only wide enough for one person. Baz had shoved himself in front of me, and I had no choice but to follow. He’d been walking so fast that I’d had to work to keep up and nearly tripped at the top step.

“Having trouble, Snow?” Baz asks, meanly, once we’re at the door, and I have to stop myself from sticking my tongue out like a child. I make a point of not looking at him as I walk towards my bed. I don’t make it two steps before I’m yanked back by my wrist.

“What the hell, Baz!” I yelp and try to step forward again, only to be pulled back more forcefully this time.

Two can play at this game, I think as I bend my elbow quickly, making Baz stumble forward. I do it again, and he mimics the movement until we’re playing tug-o-war with the cuffs. I’m glaring at him, and he’s glaring right back. Neither of us are backing down, and, finally, I can’t take it anymore.

He’s unprepared for my surrender and, after a particularly forceful tug, I slam into Baz’s chest with an oof.

“What the hell Baz!” I shout, “how am I supposed to sleep if you won’t let me get into bed?” he raises an eyebrow and it dawns on me.

He must see it on my face, because he sneers,  “figured it out, have you?”

Merlin, have I. Not only are we being forced to eat and attend classes together, but we’re going to have to share a bed as well. This is probably the worst thing that’s happened to me, aside from the time the crucible cast the two of us together in first year. And the time with the chimera. But it’s definitely in the top five.

“Which one?” I ask, as though either of the beds are big enough for two people.

Baz looks at me like I’m daft. “We have to push them together.”

That makes sense. Damn him for being so right all the time. He’s such a show-off. I feel a tug on my wrist, gentle this time, and I realize Baz asked me something.

“Sorry?”

He rolls his eyes. “I asked if you were ready.”

“Oh. Right...yes...okay--yeah. Yeah, I’m ready.”

We both take a step forward, careful not to pull the other person, and then stop and stare at the two beds.

“How are we going to do this?” I ask.

Baz sniffs. “We’re mages, Snow. We’re going to use magick, obviously.”

I reach for my wand, and Baz shakes his head. “We won’t have beds if you do that.” He points his wand at my bed and says “oh the places you’ll go!” The bed start to vibrate and he directs it to the other side of the room with his wand.

Baz

“I could have done that,” Snow says, insistently, and I almost start laughing. Until it dies in my throat, because I’ve just remembered we’re handcuffed together.

“Snow,” I say, “how are we going to get…” I don’t know what to say. How do we strip down? How will we manage our pyjamas? I don’t know any spells to get clothes off, only on.

Simon seems to understand, because he lifts his wand and casts it’s gettin’ hot in here; I’m suddenly down to my pants, and throw a quick hand in front of myself.

“Fuck a nine-toed troll, Snow! Warn me next time!”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, covering himself in the same way. We shuffle awkwardly to the en suite and both manage to kick our pants off with our eyes closed.

The shower is torture. Snow steps in and immediately turns to face the wall; I step in and turn the opposite way.  It’s probably the quickest I’ve ever washed, and I shiver out of the spray as Simon finishes. He avoids eye contact as he gets out and grabs us both towels, and I hold mine in front of myself with one hand.

“Thanks,” I mumble, and he nods.

“How are we going to get our pyjamas on?” he asks, and I curse because I didn’t think about that.

I pick up my wand from where it’s resting on the sink and try to cast the clothes make the man--which I’ve used before to get my uniform on in a hurry--but it doesn’t work. I curse again, and then remember the spell my stepmother uses to get the baby ready for bed when he’s fussy. It’s juvenile and embarrassing, but it should work.

“Wee willie winkie!” I try, hoping I won’t have to cast the whole rhyme (because I don’t remember it. And I can’t exactly ask Daphne for help.) Mercifully, it works. Snows got his usual school-issued bottoms on, and I’m wearing my favorite silk pair. I sigh in relief; at least some things are going right today.

Snow looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “Did you just cast a spell for babies?”

“I didn’t see you offering up any ideas,” I sneer.

He shrugs, just like he always fucking does, and picks up his toothbrush. I do the same, and we get ready for bed in silence.

Simon

Sigfried and fucking Roy, I’m sleeping next to Baz. Not that I’ve never done that. Sleep next to Baz, I mean. But it’s different now, the space between us is gone. He’s always been close enough to touch, but now he’s so close I could kiss him.

Not that I want to kiss him, of course; he’d probably cast something nasty if I even tried, but the thought is still there. Then I remember Baz is a vampire, and that kissing him would be dangerous. (Also he’s my sworn enemy and I’m going to have to kill him someday. Kissing would just complicate things.)

How would I even do it, anyway? Just lean in and kiss him? He’s sleeping, can I do it when he’s sleeping?

Baz shifts in his sleep, and our fingers brush. I feel something when it happens, like a tingle. Only it’s not magic. It’s--it’s...well, I can’t consider what it is. Except trying not to think about Baz is like...it’s like trying not to think about an elephant that’s standing on your chest.

I can’t do it.

Having Baz next to me is a strange comfort, and I can barely keep my eyes open. i shouldn’t give in, especially not when Baz is so close, but I’m exhausted. Besides, if Baz tries anything it will wake me up. (I think.)

I lie awake for as long as I can. And then, for the first time in a long time, I fall asleep with Baz in the room.

* * *

Baz

When I wake up the next morning, I’m convinced I’m dreaming. Snow’s head is on my shoulder-- he’s still asleep, thank magic--and his hand is resting on my hip. It hurts to do it, but I slowly extract myself from his grip, holding my breath the entire time.

As soon as I’m completely free, Snow wakes up. He blinks sleepily at me, and the sunlight turns his curls golden. I can’t stand to look at him.

How many days am I going to have to endure this torture? Waking up to an angelic Simon Snow; one that can never be mine.

“Good morning,” Simon says, and I ignore him. He looks confused but doesn’t try again.

We get ready in silence.

Simon

Baz used the clothes make the man on us this morning, and I swear I feel more posh. (I don’t say anything, though. Baz would never let me live that down.) (Me? Posh? Never.)

Everyone turns to look at us as we enter the dining hall, and I’m tempted to walk back out. Only I can’t, because Baz marches us right over to get food, and then to a table right in the middle of everything.

Merlin and Morgana, I’m tempted to hide under the bloody table; instead, I decide to make the best of it and dig into my eggs.

“Circe, Snow!” Baz snaps. “Do you really need to chew with your mouth open like that?”

I grin at Baz, making sure he can see everything. (He looks disgusted. Good.)

* * *

This situation didn’t affect our class schedules--beyond forcing us to sit next to each other--because we have all of the same courses, but I didn’t consider what would happen after.

Baz is sulking because he has to miss football practice, and I’m sulking because I’d been practicing a new sword fighting technique and now I can’t perfect it. I sigh loudly, and Baz raises an eyebrow.

“What is it, Snow?”

“I’m supposed to be practicing with my sword. I can’t do that when I’m stuck with you.” I say angrily.

His neutral facial expression drop. “Oh, and I suppose this is a fucking picnic for me, then?“ Baz spits, “how am I supposed to play football? Or practice violin? This isn’t just about you and your bloody sword, Snow! I have a life too! Or do you really think I spend my days ‘plotting your demise’?”

I open my mouth to argue, but all I can think to say is, “fuck off, Baz.”

He rattles the chain of the cuffs and sneers. “I can’t, thanks to you.”

“You’re the one who started the fight!”

“I did no such thing,” he sniffs. “You’re the one who pushed me first, you fucking animal.”

“You stole Agatha from me!”

“You can’t blame me for that. You lost Agatha on your own.”

I stand up then, pulling him with me. I’m about to start yelling when I notice that Baz looks even grayer than usual; like he’s ill or something. Except...except Baz hasn’t been ill in all his years at Watford. Something else must be wrong--I suspect it’s a vampire thing.  

Merlin, how did I forget? Baz is a vampire! Baz needs blood. Baz hasn’t been able to get blood since we got handcuffed together; he must be thirsty.

Baz needs...blood...

Oh, Merlin. What am I going to do?

“Baz?” I ask tentatively.

He looks up and scowls. “What?”

“Are you--are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” he snaps, but I can tell he’s not. He looks weak, like he’s about to pass out at any second.

“Are you--I mean you’re not...you’re not going to--going to bite me, are you?”

He looks like I’ve just slapped him. “Do you have any idea what my father would do to me if I bit a human? He would--” Baz stops short; I feel a strange sort of satisfaction, because he’s just admitted it. That he’s a vampire. That he drinks blood.

That he doesn’t bite people.

“You don’t want to bite me?”

“Crowley, Simon. Of course not.”

There it is again. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Calling me Simon.”

“Do you prefer ‘Chosen One’ then?”

“No...no--I like it--Simon. I like Simon.”

He rolls his eyes, and then wobbles slightly on his feet, which reminds me of my mission. “We’re going to the catacombs.”

“Crowley,” Baz says, “we are not.”

I grab his hand; I’m not taking no for an answer. “You’re not going to die on me; not today.” And I drag him out the door.

* * *

Baz

It took me a bit to be able to look Snow in the eye after what I’d let him witness. He’d bullied me into it, of course, and now I have no where else to look but his eyes--considering his face is right in front of mine.

We’re lying side by side in bed, both propped up on our elbows, and I say what’s been worrying me ever since I fed. “Aren’t you going to go running off to the Mage?”

“What? Why?”

“Because you have proof now. That I’m a--”

“Vampire?”

I nod, and he shrugs. (Of course he does.)

“I don’t care.”

“You--you don’t--” I’m spluttering just as bad as Snow, and he fucking shrugs again.

“I mean, it freaked me out when I thought you were going to drain me dry one night, but now that I know you won’t, well...I don’t care.” he laughs. “It’s not like I’m a militant vegetarian or something.

“You don’t care.” I say flatly, because I still don’t believe him. He looks like he’s about to shrug again, and I stand up abruptly. He hisses as his arm is yanked up and glares.

“Christ, Baz! Warn me next time?”

I turn away. “Let’s get ready for bed.”

He doesn’t move. “How can I convince you?”

“I don’t know.” I really don’t.

He seems to accept this as an answer, because he drops the subject. After a while, his breathing slows, and I know he’s fallen asleep. He whimpers--nightmare--and I’m tempted to reach for him. Before I get a chance he rolls on his side, throwing his arm over me. I stay very still, sure that he’s going to wake up and move away, but he doesn’t.

I fall asleep in Simon’s arms.

* * * Simon

When I wake up, Baz is sitting at the edge of the beds, fully dressed. (I don’t know how he did that without waking me up, and that should make me nervous.)  (Except it doesn’t)

“There’s probably something at my house that will help us. We can go there today.”

“And then what?” I ask.

“And then this is all over and we can go back to normal.”

“Normal as in--as in being enemies? Fighting?” He nods, and I frown. I’d thought...I don’t know what I thought. I guess I thought he wouldn’t want to fight anymore.

“Maybe we could--maybe we don’t...don’t have to do that.”

He shakes his head, looking resigned. “There’s no point. Nothing’s going to change; as soon as these come off we’re just going to go back to how we were before. We shouldn’t--”

“Baz.” I interrupt, and his eyes meet mine. He looks nervous. Scared, even. His brow is furrowed and I’m tempted to reach up and smooth it out. And maybe let my hand fall to the back of his neck and pull him down, until he’s the right height for me to--

“I don’t want to fight you anymore.” I whisper.

“I don’t want to fight you either.” Baz whispers back, looking even more nervous and scared than before.

I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff; the anticipation is intoxicating. ”What do you want then?”

Baz steps forward and leans down until our foreheads are touching. “I want you,”

I lift my hand and place it on his cheek. “You can have me.”

And then Baz presses his lips to mine.

Baz

Aleister Crowley, I’m kissing Simon Snow. I’m kissing the bloody Mage’s Heir and he’s letting me. He’s more than letting me. He’s got his fingers in my hair and is pulling me closer, closer and crashing his mouth into mine again and again, until I’m gasping.

I swear he murmurs my name, but I don’t have much time to dwell on it, because he’s doing that nice thing with his chin and sliding his tongue in my mouth.

He’s done this before, I can tell. Except I’m not jealous, because he isn’t kissing anyone else right now. He’s kissing me, and I’m kissing him, and it feels good. (So good.)

We kiss until we can’t anymore, and Simon pulls his head back. His hand falls from my cheek, and I mourn its absence.

Simon

I feel something pulling me towards him, only this time it’s not The Crucible. It’s... well I’m not really sure what it is; all I know is that I want to be as close to Baz as possible. Right now. The hook in my belly feels so familiar that I want to laugh.

Before I can stop myself, I’m holding out my hand.

Baz looks at me like I’m mad, and, for a moment, I’m afraid he’s going to reject me the same way he did in first year. I’m about to drop my hand when he clasps my fingers. I can’t stop the smile that spreading across my face, and he’s blushing. (As much as Baz can blush, that is.)

“Hello,” I say, “I’m Simon Snow.”

“Nice to meet you, Simon,” he replies. “I’m Baz.”

And, just like that, the chain is broken.

#snowbaz #carry on #listen there's still an hour of ur bday left so this counts lmao #<33333