The Soup Incident [Episode 22]
Random Jin Guy:
hey u know ur sister
WWX:
everyone's mom?
best person in the world?
beset by terminal heterosexuality?
rings a bell
LWJ:
i'm sure this is more important than a war
Random Jin Guy:
something happened with j
WWX: [overrunning other line]
I MUST GO
MY MEDDLING IS REQUIRED
Random Nie Guy:
oop there he go
LWJ:
wow this sounds serious
WWX:
what horrors will i find
what trauma will this compound
what cruelty will i be met with
also how did i know exactly where to go
WWX:
OH.
YOU.
JZX:
gross
JYL:
oh an audience
perfect
i'm sure this will de-escalate things
WWX:
can we solve this with castration?
tell me we can
JYL:
no thanks i'd still like the option
if it's all the same to u
WWX:
it's not
let me remove his body parts
JZX:
like i'd let u near me
u classless hellion
JYL:
listen
life hasn't been like the greatest lately
had a lot of shitty carriage rides
i'd like things to chill out
and by things i mean namely u in this moment
can we go now pls
i have an appointment to cry into my pillow that i'm missing
WWX:
omg noooo
i'll behave
i'm here to support u
i'll be impartial
JYL:
i don't believe that for a single second tho hun
WWX:
impartial to how mUCH BLOOD I'M GONNA GET EVERYWHERE
HOW IS IT EVERY TIME I SEE UR STUPID FACE I HATE U MORE
fuck u
u piece o shit
JYL:
and there it is
JZX:
[angry sleeve flap of disdainful eloquence]
WWX:
wtf
JYL:
yeah he's good at those
JYL:
honey ur not helping urself here
he beat the shit out of u BEFORE he marinated in dark energy for 3 months
pls use ur words
and ur brain
WWX:
WAT DID UR SLEEVE SAY TO ME BITCH
JYL:
can we just go pls
i like to not be reminded of exactly how much stupid i willingly allow into my life
WWX:
but shijie
M U R D E R
JYL:
inexplicably i still want to marry him
so no thank u
JZX:
oh look mianmian's here
MM:
u fuckin bet i am
u dipshit
WWX:
wtaf is wrong with him
MM:
ok listen
LISTEN
i know
i feel u
trust me
JZX:
time to return to the arrogance corner
WWX:
UR YOUNG MASTER'S A BITCH
JYL:
a-xian n o
MM:
no he totally is
u right
JYL:
well then he's MY bitch :(
MM:
why do i bother to stay up late to practice conversations with u if u don't bother to try
all that time wasted
am i supposed to cover for u now?
JZX:
bold of u to assume u can
but go for it
still don't know why tf ur all here
just wanna eat my soup
WWX:
HEY I HAVE A FUN GAME
IT'S CALLED HOW MUCH OF CHENQING CAN WE FIT INTO JIN ZIXUAN
quick someone pick an orifice
JYL:
gross
MM:
tempting
LWJ:
oh hey i'm here now
i walk slow
oh shit
the nice jiang is crying
who would hurt the nice jiang?
MM:
ok so u know how ur sister makes soup?
JYL:
i never really stop
it's a little pathological at this point
maybe i should talk to someone...
LWJ:
oh
more heterosexual antics
wei ying's achilles heel
best wait outside
thank god Xichen is mostly functional
and gay as the day is long
MM:
so she makes soup right?
2 goes to you chuckleheads and the third goes to
emporer perpetual foot-in-mouth over here
JZX:
[buffering]
MM:
jfc why do i even try
WWX:
DID HE INSULT UR S O U P ?!
JYL:
sorta
i am soup and soup is me
MM:
so anyway
JZX: [overrunning previous line]
HOLD UP
I THOUGHT RANDOM SERVANT NUMBER 62 BROUGHT ME THE SOUP THAT'S NATIVE TO YUNGMENG WHERE MY EX-FIANCE GREW UP
WWX:
ur in love with an idiot
JYL:
i'm in love with an idiot
MM:
I STG UR HEAD IS FILLED WITH JUST HAIRBALLS AND LINT
HOW ARE U STILL BREATHING
MM:
SHE MAKES SOUP.
SHE'S THE SOUP LADY.
ASK PEOPLE WHAT THEY THINK OF WHEN U SAY YANLI AND THEY'LL SAY KINDNESS.
A N D S O U P .
and her murder-brothers
but that's not the point rn
JZX:
...u made me soup
MM:
i'm so fucking sorry pls marry him
i need a competent woman to hang around with
i'm getting dumber by the day
WWX:
seriously
this guy
u love this guy?
JYL:
xianxian pls
romantic idiocy runs in our family
it's practically traditional
JYL:
i mean...yes
i have 2 coping mechanisms; soup and crying
neither of them are working rn tho
help
i don't unlock righteous fury until level 25
JZX:
wow she made me soup
WWX:
of course she made u soup u human inner-thigh chafe
show us the flashback mianmian
MM: [off screen]
oh yeah that
roll the tape jeeves
[ENTER FLASHBACK]
JYL:
i made u soup bb
JZX:
ur not servant number 62 go fuck urself
JYL:
wut
[END FLASHBACK]
WWX:
NO FURTHER QUESTIONS UR HONOR
Random Jin Guy Who Brought Wuxian:
perhaps this was a [cursive writing] Mistake™
JZX:
ouchie
i can twirly fight countless puppets
can't dodge a punch of the life of me
cultivation jesus that's gonna leave a mark
JYL:
GOD I WISH THIS WAS MORE CATHARTIC
how does this always happen?
who raised this kid?
oh right me
Group of Random Jin Guards:
we are all well intentioned but
ultimately expendable extras
fear us
Random Jin Guard:
UNHAND HIM FIEND
WWX:
cool imma write u a song
it's called Don't Care Didn't Ask
Gonna Kill Everyone In This Tent Over Soup
in b flat
tootly toot here comes the murder flute
Random Jin Guards attacked by resentful energy:
[keyboard smash]
LWJ:
wait hold on
that's his shit starting music
has shit been started??
wEi YiNg
WWX:
are u prepared for the journey i'm about to send u on little man
JZX:
i'm actually good here thanks
[unintelligible teenage screaming]
MM:
HEY LISTEN
U CAN'T DO THAT
MURDER IS BAD and i still like him
i sympathize but like...u can't
WWX:
the semi corporeal black smoke demons that sublet my soul tell me that it's fine sooo
JYL:
a-xian if u kill him now i will have put up with so much bs for n o t h i n g
LWJ:
take a deep breath
us ur words
what in the actual hell is going on
WWX:
fuck u ur not my therapist
LWJ:
u do not have a therapist
never has someone so clearly NOT had a therapist
except maybe jiang cheng
WWX:
SOUP MURDER IS GOING ON
LWJ:
wut
JYL:
pls understand it's just as dumb as you think
LWJ:
...
i refuse to let soup related crimes of passion be something my future husband is known for
u stop that
WWX:
THEN I'M LEAVING
LWJ:
wow
JYL:
we're both in love with idiots
JZX:
am i still gonna keep getting soup?
[this is a thing i do sometimes so if you would like to see more...]
Scene suggested by @nagisachan1!! (I’m so sorry I forgot to tag/credit you when I posted this!)
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