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kisskissbanggang · 4 years

Text

@starxblossom - entirely overdue, thank you for your patience

Alright below the cut is literally just me responding to some fic feedback by my darling Rae it is just

too long

to not put under a read more so move along

Let me set the scene: I woke up entirely too late this morning, spending the previous night - more appropriately, early dawn - mourning the fact that my laptop crashed in the middle of me playing Stardew Valley. Rolling out of bed, I knew what I planned to get done today, but after such a sour night, the ball got rolling pretty late. Nevertheless, I’m more than glad to be overly-opinionated about something, if only you still want to hear what I have to say - otherwise feel free to ignore this 😂

Barely bothering with an outfit, I merely threw on my fluffy robe, slipped on the pair of glasses that I need, yet refuse, to wear more consistently, and tied my hair up in that half-effort pony tail that I only wear when I have a long day of analysing to do. By this point, I have powered through four cups of English Breakfast (because I am trying so hard to kick my coffee habits), and I’m overdue for my fifth one.

The sun sets quite fast these days; or maybe I’ve just been waking up too late. But by the time I’ve powered through most of the list - my reading device has signalled its need to be recharged so I decided to hold off on the last two on the list (Prowl and The Sabotage of Simkung House) for the following day - the sun has set and the street lamps glow orange within the misty winter evening.

I’ve always liked your writing - still very much do. And for a long time, I can admit that I was envious of how well you can write, how well you understand your characters and their motivations, and how aware you are of what’s happening in the story from start to finish. I used to punish myself for not being nearly as good as you. I say all of this not to guilt you, but to express my humbled gratitude, that you would turn to me and consistently seek out my opinion. So I tried to be constructive, not just bombard you with well-deserved praises, but also see the work objectively too.

SO let me set the scene. Over the past few months, I have sent you every single thing I write because I’m a glutton for feedback and validation, but also because I found something so touching and forward in how you found me in the first place. You came to me, said you enjoyed my work, only to find out that you’re a terrific and talented writer and human being in general in your own right? I value your take on all art so, so much, and I’ve figured I’ve been greedy on numerous occasions, but I also treasured your critique when it’s difficult to do that to a friend’s work.

So here’s where I’m at. I worked from home today, and this morning starts out fine enough until I deal with a very agitated client on the phone. I’m dour as I sip on the cold brew boba I made this morning in a fit of restless self-criticism, and check my inbox on a whim because I know I’m terrible at keeping up and see your feedback on not just one or two, but nearly EVERYTHING that you hadn’t caught up on yet.

As an added note, I also don’t wear my glasses nearly as much as I should. They spend much more time on top of my head than they should.

Now, shall we begin?

Standby

What I like most about Standby, and really all of your writings, is that it often calls to question, something of a moral dilemma. In Standby, the dilemma is clear, ‘is love allowed to exist in the professional work environment?’, but not just that, there’s also the factor of Chan being an idol and MC being a staff member. Already, there are plenty layers of politics(?) at play here - public vs private, media/celebrity status, gender inequality, etc. Looking over my notes [yes, I wrote physical notes as I read each piece lmao I have too much time now that I’m on semester break], I reserve so many high praises to Standby for constructing a story well, start to finish, and for highlighting the power play effectively through their physical relationship - the sex isn’t just thrown there, it’s an intentional device to shed light to the motivations and the personalities of these characters. It’s not just porn with plot, as you sometimes jokingly claim your writings to be, it’s porn and plot. I’d say other examples of this would be the Keep Away and Asking For It series.

Playing on this same idea, I’m very fond of Chan and MC’s dynamic - the naive and the hyper-anxious, or better, the idealist and the realist. We’ve all been both at some point in our relationships, so I feel like it’s almost too easy to empathise with both, especially when the stakes are so goddamn high. And because these characters are so fleshed out - as in we understand what’s in it for them - every action and every progression in the story makes complete sense. Every twist has a logical resolution as a result of the reader being able to understand who the characters are.

In saying this, I don’t know if it’s only because I didn’t re-read everything from the start, but I would love to know exactly why Chan’s in love with the MC, or why he thinks he is. Their relationship is so circumstantial(?), that one could easily strike Chan out as merely delusional. I think there could’ve been some really interesting storyline about his vulnerabilities as an idealist with such a demanding occupation, or that despite being human his job doesn’t allow him to make mistakes. Perhaps that’s just the pessimist in me refusing to believe he could simply be so ardently in love with the MC in other areas besides their physical romance, but I would’ve loved to see you make room for more emotional confrontations - put the reader right in the thick mud of it all!

Oh, and before I forget: HyunJae! Best side character I’ve read in a fic in a long while. Well developed and contributed to the story in so many, almost blink and you’ll miss it, ways. I especially love the gradual development of her relationship, going from mentor, to sisterly, to borderline parental. And that line about humanising her in the same way as when you first realise your parent is only human too - genius !!

Your points here on Chan’s development is so entirely valid and a great critique to point out. His motives aren’t fleshed out, and we can blame MC’s lack of seeking that out, but I know it’s really on me. If I dig in, I know I originally wanted Chan to find someone who was efficient and professional he was, but even more in control without being as controlling as other people in his life. She challenges him and keeps him on track when he’s very much in that position with his members on a regular basis. He feels comfortable with MC because he feels he’s seen a side of her she doesn’t really show much, and she’s willing to break those walls down to let him in and that really intrigues him and lights his fire, while also encouraging him to let someone else be in charge when he take a break from being leader for a little bit.

And Hyunjae is best girl. She was so fun to write, and I knew right away she needed a solid arc. It’s heartbreaking to feel like you outgrew a mentor, but if you’re lucky they can still be dear to you in some way.

Young Wings

When you said you wrote Young Wings with me in mind, I was more nervous than I was excited; what could possibly warrant such a level of affection? As an unfortunate result, I read this piece while constantly digging for the answer. Does she think I’d make a good stewardess? Am I this skeptical of cute boys? Oh my God did the pilot just die?! Anyhow, I kept being pleasantly surprised as the story progressed, as the characters are stripped back layer by layer, until they’re both literally naked. And soon enough, I figured out why you said you wrote this story with me in mind. You once mentioned - and I’m gravely paraphrasing here - that you saw me as a romantic, maybe even a hopeless one. I refused to believe the title, convincing myself that I have such a hardened heart [despite loving rom-com’s to a fault]. But no, you’re absolutely right, I’m an absolute sucker for romance. And Young Wings has such a beautiful high, a very warm glow of romance emanating from the two characters. They’re very human, very easy to like. And even though it employs a character dynamic of one being professionally above the other (like in Standby, Chan’s job is clearly a lot more essential that MC’s), it’s a softer approach, in a lot better lighting - Also, tangent, but thank you for addressing sexism in the Flight Attendant industry!

And I can’t not point out this heartwarming quote:

“The terrifying thing no one told us growing up was that finding your ‘thing’ isn’t a finish line. It’s not like you find it and that’s it. A lot of times it’s more like goalposts. You have to keep passing them and sometimes there’s never a finish line, but you love it and that’s what matters.”

I’m not an active stan of Stray Kids, nor an active stan of Chan. But I very much fell in love with him in this piece!

I forgot what, exactly, was the precise impetus for having you in mind when writing this (aside from your astute recollection of my labeling you a hopeless romantic) and now I remembered! I believe at the time I wrote it you were going through a period of cold feet around school and a career path and general restlessness and apprehension that I remembered regularly suffering through when I was in school. In my own way, I woke up one day and didn’t feel at home in the skies anymore like the MC does. I keep three or four drafts going simultaneously at almost all times, so here I believe I was wrestling with Prowl pt. 3 and feeling a bit harried on the feelings there. I usually end up pivoting to a project with compared or contrasted feelings, so this is the warmth to Prowl’s cold. And you would make a cute flight attendant for what it’s worth.

To Those Who Wait

I’m not gonna lie, I thought this was set up to be a rom-com of sorts, I really did not think this would take such a tense turn. I really like the premise! Again, it’s such an interesting moral dilemma, having to choose between being stubborn or taking the high ground. Perhaps it was in how well the narrative is set up, that I, too, kept waiting for the curtain to be pulled and for Changbin to reveal some underlying plan. I was antsy, and nervous. And as a result, I really didn’t expect the oncoming series of events - I seldom read the warning labels, especially when I trust the writer and I know what kind of content I can expect from them. But this one really did take me by surprise. I love that, in revising the story, it really was all hinted from the beginning - the power play was clear from the moment the MC was introduced as this ball-busting office worker, and Changbin as the polite and reserved assistant - but I was so invested in hunting down the truth, and being disarmed by Changbin’s sickly sweet performance, that I completely missed the underlying motives of their actions/reactions. I also seemed to have made a note about wanting to see more of Changbin’s submissive nature through real life interactions - ie. he had never taken the train before, so in this situation, he was being guided by the MC - but I think that reaches too far over the line of where you intended to put/write this relationship; it’s more of a personal preference really. Anyhow, this was a thrilling read from start to finish - underlined by the fact that Changbin is my fave in Stray Kids ><

A CHANGBIN STAN WE LOVE TO SEE IT. I fell head over heels for Changbin’s IRL rich kid upbringing, like he really did come from this cushy background and he’s still so talented and capable, and I wanted a fun scenario to plant that into. Funny and thrilling was truly where I wanted it, and I do have this projected as a series to really explore this relationship and what, exactly, these two characters are waiting for. And I’m glad you were caught by Changbin’s reveal! It had to be something he was truly ashamed of and that MC would be bitter about for years but could ultimately forgive.

What You Don’t Know

Funnily enough, my first note is that this reminds me a lot of a friendship I had with someone. Even from the way it began - the unbelievably clever line: It’s not like you hated Jisung when you met him. It wasn’t like you liked him, either. Really, you didn’t anything Jisung - with Jisung and the MC going from strangers, to friends, to questionably more than friends. The bloom of their interactions reads so organically -probably because it mirrors my own experiences- even down to Stephanie’s interference. I really do like this one for a lot of reasons: it’s my favourite AU, it’s a setting that is real to me therefore I can vividly feel everything, and the stakes of the relationship aren’t so dire that it makes the pining so much worse, because you can’t justify the jealousy properly. And the dialogues between Jisung and the MC also reads so realistic, it’s not stiff nor vague. It cleverly reflects the stages of their familiarity, from unsure and stilted to playfully affectionate - this is why I’m so especially fond of the first time she tugs his hair, the tense change in the air, asking you if they just crossed a line or simply made the natural progression in their very fond relationship. ( Also don’t think that scene with MC and Chan in the car is just going to fly over my head missy, I need to know the history there! ) I like this for a multitude of reasons, all of which are deeply influenced by the fact that I’ve been in the MC’s exact shoes. The only difference being that I did not sleep with that friend, and his Stephanie made us stop talking to each other. Otherwise, this story made me squeal, 10/10 for realism!

Yes! Who doesn’t love a college au? They’re so easy to retreat back to. I was literally inspired by a joke in Scrubs (“I nothing you” is the line there) and built an entire scenario around that. The sub argument is an infamous embarrassing moment for me where I did, repeatedly, label one of our friends as a sub and definitely definitely definitely thought of how easy it’d be to prove it like the MC does and NOW IT’S WEIRD WHEN HE CALLS MY PARTNER TO HANG OUT ON THE PHONE ALL THE TIME. I think we’ve all had to deal with a Stephanie (I certainly have) but I hate that yours drove you away! I always thought this scenario was a little universal, but I didn’t expect it to be to that extent. Also, don’t worry, the Chan story gets explained down the line.

Au Pair

I cannot stress this enough, but I love this!! The premise reads like a telenovela, with a quiet tension that can only be found when a scene is handled as expertly as you have. As a result, from the get go, I think I was just waiting for the trouble to kick in. I thought it would hit during the pool scene, or perhaps even the dining room scene when Carson refuses his food. But what I didn’t expect was for the first kick to not even include the MC, but rather just be something that she observed - classic telenovela ! I re-read that paragraph thrice because my jaw dropped. I knew something bad was going to happen, but I really didn’t expect it to be that! I know you wrote is as a oneshot, but I really would love to read more of this. I feel like it could have been fleshed out a bit more, really unpack the characters and their motives. I feel like I’m just getting a taster of something amazing here, something really dramatic and jaw-dropping. I’d also love to see things from Carson’s perspective somehow too! Something I’ve picked up during my babysitting days, very young children tend to subconsciously reflect a lot of a family’s conflicts. Carson is obviously smart, but he’s also a kid, and in a family structure like that with - as you said - a rotation of authority figures, I feel like he could have a lot to contribute, especially as a narrative device! Also I love your choice of mystery member! I think it makes complete sense, I really couldn’t see anyone else for the role, he’s a very fitting choice! I’m obviously fond of this one, it got me really invested, and - I’m not meaning this in a demanding way - I only wish I could read more of it.

A telenovella I LIVE. I guess growing up with Days of Our Lives paid off. This is one of those readings I never expected but I’m thriving off of. I love a good turn of a character feeling like they’ve exposed themselves as a fool, and I’m glad it read well here. Carson IS smart and I love that idea of his perspective. At one point I did picture a small epilogue where Miranda steps up to the plate while the Mystery Member and MC run away and start a new life in San Francisco where he becomes head chef of a trendy fusion restaurant.

Exposure

This made me incredibly nervous in the same way Surreptitious made my hands clammy. Because not only am I (a) a photographer who (b) will pass as a child given the right outfit and mannerisms, but © I know what it’s like to be asked to give up your artistic integrity in exchange for money or exposure (ba dum tsss). So this hits home a little too hard, especially that you made Doyoung the photographic subject rip. But I really really like this one too! It was thrilling in the ways I least expected it to be, this undercover adventure of being a paparazzi, and the active use of disguises to reflect an outward character that Jungwoo has the pleasure of, well, pleasuring himself to - which I think is what makes her last outfit in the story, the black ensemble, all the more interesting!

I also love seeing Jungwoo portrayed this way, that you didn’t entirely sacrifice his disarmingly innocent aura, but you also gave him a devilish streak - so faithful to how I personally imagine him. It’s a wonderful balance that kind of perfectly hits the middle ground, and makes him such an interesting and almost unpredictable character. And I love the MC in this, that she has an inner integrity that is undercut by the way she dresses as these multiple characters throughout the story - I think two two characters compliment each other well. She outwardly presents dynamism, while Jungwoo represents it more inwardly. So when they come together, it’s so masterful and I cannot peel my eyes away from them. I also really like that you didn’t make either one a dom or a sub, which only speaks so much more to that dynamic previously mentioned. It works so especially well, given what we know about these characters, and the non-stakes of their story arcs. I want to see more of this, but I’d also be really satisfied with where it ends. It leaves such a well-rounded note of camaraderie between the two characters, that in my head, I’m rooting for them to somehow end up together.

I felt like I entirely punted this one across the finish line so I am FLOORED by your reading and response. I wanted to try something a little different and felt so, SO self-conscious the whole time I was convinced it showed, so I’m honesty surprised it was effective. I’ve had my own experiences as well with lying to get a job done, but my biggest goal was to challenge the Jungwoo Innocent Baby Boy narrative that the fandom likes to feed into, so I’m VERY glad that was effective.

I just realised that this is now over 2k long, so it’s a good thing that I’m finishing here. Like I said earlier, I’ll be venturing to read Prowl and The Sabotage of Simkung House tomorrow, so expect to hear from me again soon. Otherwise have a good night, or morning, depending when you read this, and thank you for writing such wonderful stories! Truly, you continue to impress me as a writer, and I’m humbled to be your friend.

So by the end of my first reading of these notes, I was pretty much in tears because I loved that you took the time to do this, to read my work that you are not obligated to and give me feedback that I am not entitled to. I love you to bits, Rae, and it stuns me that I found a friend on the other side of the sunset that I feel like I can confide in and look to for guidance. I hope you know how much you shine. ❤️

#FEEDBACK #OH MY GOD RAE #starxblossom #my children #submission

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