#I know I write for everything but benlos truly was the first ship I got deeply invested in for this movie

[thebluestbluewords]

The Same Coin

I’m still having fun with the Valentine’s ficlets, so have some benlos! Set in no particular timeline, but there’s a nod to poly ot5 in the background.

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“We don’t celebrate valentine’s day. On the Isle.” 

Ben tilts his head. His face is set into one of the middle levels of the Neutral Face of Acceptance, one of the ones that means he’s genuinely listening, not just trying not to look horrified while he thinks about other things. “Oh?” 

“It’s about feelings,” Carlos says slowly, trying to come up with a way to say the next part that won’t sound horrible. “And like, love, and stuff. And. We weren’t exactly. Allowed. To do that.” 

Ben cocks his head somehow further into the Neutral Acceptance Position. “What, to love people?” 

Nail, head. 

“Uh, yeah.” 

“I’m…” Ben trails off into silence for a moment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would be so different for you four. Valentine’s day is so…” 

“So commercialized?” Carlos says, before he can think twice about how mean it sounds. He’s supposed to be having a meaningful moment where he gets to help the king reach some sort of shared cultural understanding with the poor sad Isle kids he’s so kindly pulled out of their pathetic former existence, and instead of being sincere, like an Auradon kid should be, he’s making fun of Ben’s beloved holiday. And like, family tradition. Probably. He should just stop thinking. “I mean, uh. Not that buying your girlfriend stuff is a bad thing. It’s fine. The more stuff you buy here, the more junk people have to donate to us, so. I’ll just. Uh.  Stop talking.” 

Ben smiles, but his expression had slipped into something more like a strained grimace, all tight and fake around the eyes.  “I was going to say ingrained in our culture.. We’re taught to value love, so I assumed that the same would hold true for you. I should have known better.” 

“Ouch.” 

Ben goes red. “Not that you four don’t feel love!” 

It’s easier to look at Ben now that they’ve both put their foot in it. “I feel rage,” Carlos offers, softly. “If that helps at all.” 

“It’s not quite the same thing.” 

“Two sides of the same feeling,” Carlos says, feeling the weight of the words as they leave his mouth. “My mom’s not a great example, but she told me that you can’t hate something if you don’t love it, at least a little bit. They come from the same place, y’know. When you feel so much that there’s nowhere else for the feelings to go. They either come out as love, I guess, or if there’s too much, or the love isn’t reflected back…” 

Ben nods, and reaches over to take his hand. “Rage?” 

“Hatred, anger, jealousy.” Carlos ticks the feelings off on the fingers of his free hand as he goes. He doesn’t exactly like holding hands, because there’s too many opportunities to get distracted and leave yourself open if you’re walking hand in hand with someone, but it’s okay right now because they’re not moving, so there’s no way for Ben to pull him down and make it look like an accident, and they’re alone enough that nobody’s going to shout at them for doing it, and it’s still light enough that they could see anyone coming and let go before they’d get in trouble. “They’re all the same feeling. If obsession is good you end up in love with the thing, and if it’s bad you end up hating it with the same enthusiasm.” 

“I don’t think I could ever hate you,” Ben says softly. He’s doing a distracting thing with his hand, a little squeeze that’s drawing all of Carlos’s attention to where they’re connected. “Do you ever think that maybe your mom was wrong?” 

“About dogs, and driving cars, and how much pepper should go on food, yeah.” Carlos says. “But not this.” 

“Oh.” 

“Not–”  Carlos stutters around the words. He’s not sure what he even wants to say, but he’s so sure of this one. He used to hate Mal, back home when she was the one pushing him into closets and lockers and stealing his inventions, and then it was like a switch got flipped and all the times he’d followed her around to make her day worse, to try and spit gum into her hair from rooftops, and drop salt into her coffee when she left it on her school desk all seemed petty and stupid in light of how much he was suddenly devoted to her. He’d hated Jay too, up until the moment when he looked over at the wrong time, and all the feelings switched over into confused-hungry-aching, and he couldn’t stand to look at him, until his feelings for Mal settled into place and he fell in love with the both of them. 

He’s never not loved Evie, but Evie’s special. 

“Not like that.” Carlos says, finally. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just that I don’t know how to have emotions like normal people do, and for me, they’re sort of the same thing.” 

The callouses on Ben’s writing finger slide against the rough skin on Carlos’s knuckles. The places where he’s split them open from hot water and abrasive chemicals don’t hurt anymore, but they catch, against the rough pieces of Ben. 

He’s wearing them down. Evie’s helping, with her potions and chemistry. They’re working on it together. 

“Okay,” Ben says, and he’s not looking at Carlos. “Is it okay if I say I love you anyway?” 

The horrible-wonderful feeling that’s somewhere between fear and anger and love bursts hot and painful in his chest. 

“Yeah,” Carlos whispers. His voice cracks anyway, because it’s stupid that way. “I can’t– I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to say it back. But I don’t hate you.” 

A squeeze. 

“I love you too.” 

#my fic #descendants #descendants fic #ben florian #carlos de vil #benlos #ship of my heart…. #I know I write for everything but benlos truly was the first ship I got deeply invested in for this movie #the good boy scene was deeply influential. To me.