#I have a few groupchats with college friends but I'm not really active in them. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cbocstar · 9 months

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I think I'm slowly coming to terms with my friendship that's been ending. I am saddened, and I have noticed a pattern between my friends over the last few years. This friend is someone I have known since high school (I'll name her Rina). Kavie and I and Rina were the three muskateers. There were three of us in this group. We were outsiders but out of comfort. I've known Kavie since 8th grade. She's like one of my best friends. Rina I met in p.e. class and Kavie and I both loved her dearly but once we graduated high school and started college I already felt this invisible thread being pulled. And I've been holding onto it tightly as she casually loosens the seams. I am very sentimental and I live vicariously through my memories. I don't really remember much of my childhood due to childhood trauma. So, when it comes to friendships, they are so important to me. It started out in small episodes. Rina would bring another friend (ill name her Tina) to the hangouts and I'm just like OKAY COOL, NEW FRIENDS!! And it got to the point when Rina would have inside jokes with her new friend and would wear matching outfits on our day outings. And felt like I was at the butt of the receiving end of the joke. Rina and Tina would hang out a lot and I'm just whatever that's okay. Rina can be her own person and make friends. Rina wanted to hang out later at night more instead of during the daytime. At the time I had a curfew (I still have one but this is now by my own choice), and I couldn't stay out too late so Rina didn't include me in the hangout invitations anymore. Kavie couldn't hang out late due to her situation at home. But our outings with Rina became fewer and less. I remember asking to get together and she cancelled. Then Kavie and I got a bunch of Snapchat from Rina and Tina of both of them hanging out together that same night in a teasing way. It was a huge spam. I remember my phone spazzing and closing and crashing because of the amount of content that was sent to me from both parties. I had serious FOMO so I remember lashing out and asking Rina to not send me any more snaps of it because it was rude and obnoxious. That was probably the first crack into the friendship. But after that, I didn't see Rina as much anymore and we just did our own thing. Multiple Years passed by. I started a relationship with my ex Steven and Rina started to become active in my life again and would frequently shoot me messages asking me if I would be interested in doing double dates with her and her bf. I just started that relationship with steven and I already had a feeling about the personality which is very different, so I said no. Steven and I didn't last due to multiple differences and Rina would cancel plans. I made a groupchat through messenger to try and start hangouts with rina with me and kavie. and it was always put off or cancelled. Other plans. just not a priority. Got to the point where the chat went radio silent. Couple years later Rina noticed I been in a relationship with Kyle and reaches out if I would be interested in doing a double date. I said okay and would message. I guess what I'm trying to mentally understand as I journal this in. Rina only wants to be friends with me when it benefits her. An opportunist. Will only seek out spending time if I have a partner. Other than that it's never available. Or if I know certain people that can take photographs for her wedding. I'm just someone to be used i feel. I dont know. We eventually did get to hang out the three of us again but it left a bitter taste in my mouth. Rina would talk down about Tina and then the next week she would be spending time with tina again. So I don't know. I just

i guess there are some friendships in my life that make me question if this is even worth keeping? I think about removing rina but then i feel like i need to be positively sure if that is what i truly want and not regret it. I did finally removed rina's parents and siblings from my facebook. I am just slowly transitioning her out of my life. I dont know I feel like just keeping her as an acquaintance is kind of painful to me. Idk I'm having a hard time with this. And she's been actively not trying to keep together or make plans with us and all i am just the fool that is sitting in denial. I dont know how to feel.

#personal #ceerainrambles

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uncloseted · 2 years

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But I literally have no friends. The last time I had real friends was in elementary school. I made one real friend in high school but it wasn't a "group". And now I'm 21 and I feel like I will never have friends because everyone already has their friends and I will add nothing to their lives. And I don't even feel like a person now because of the isolation. I have no anecdotes or personality. (I'm clearly not American these are normal teen things in my country). I've never been to a club, I've

never had a groupchat with friends wherr we just talked about life. We just used it to decide whose house we'd have dinner at every Saturday. I had one "friend" that was just focused on fixing me rather than being my friend and I wasn't close at all to the rest of the group. But I was the only one in the group who didn't have other friends. My niece met a girl last year and they became really close friends. They had a small business together, she knew her family. They don't talk anymore but

But to me that's a real friendship. And people can feel that there's something wrong with me because all the girls from my class in college have bonded and I'm the only one who isn't part of the group. I try to talk to them but they just don't accept me. It feels so unfair because other people are born and go to kindergarten and make friends there, then elementary school and high school and college and make friends everywhere they go and I can't. Or if they don't like anyone at school they look

for friends somewhere else and I don't even know. how to do that

It can definitely be challenging to make new friends, especially in places where people stay with the same friend group that they've had since they were children. But the good news is that there are ways you can try to connect with new people and make friends, and there are a lot of other people who are in a similar boat to you where they want to make friends but don't know how.

I suggest this a lot on here, but my biggest tip would be to join as many social groups as you can. Classes, sports teams, community theater companies, MeetUp groups, volunteer projects, anything you can think of that you might be interested in and that has other people around. This is an especially good approach if it's a group that also hangs out socially, like one of those adult sports leagues that go to the pub after their practice. The benefit to doing this is that there's an activity you can engage in, so the pressure isn't on you to come up with things to talk about. And because there's a larger group that you're automatically part of, you'll keep getting invited to things and kind of have a built-in social circle. Lastly, doing this can help you to build some new interests and start finding your personality, whether or not you make friends doing it.

Along these lines, you can try joining groups or apps that are specifically for young women who want to make friends. Where I am, there are tons of groups for people looking to make friends- "I Can Haz Friendz (20s and 30s)", "20-something Ladies Social", "20s-30s Fun Club", "20s and 30s Westside Social", "20s and 30s Life Adventures", "Make More Friends", "I Wanted To Do That... Just Not Alone!", "20s and 30s Co-Ed Social Club", and "20s and 30s Chill Penguins" are just a few that I found in my area with a quick search. Your town or city likely also has groups like these. If you're looking for one-on-one interactions, you could try setting up a profile on Bumble BFF, Yubo, Hey! VINA, Friender, or another friend-meeting app. Even just regular dating apps like Tinder or Hinge can work for this purpose as long as you're up-front about your intentions.

Finally, I would suggest just working on learning to enjoy your own company. Too often, I think we have this belief that we can only do fun things if we have other people around, but that's not true. If you want to go to the club, why not go alone? Of course, make sure you're doing it safely (have your phone on you at all times, don't take any drinks from strangers, go to a club that has a good reputation, etc), but going by yourself is a possibility. Maybe you'll even make some friends there. Or if you really love going to museums or to the movies, go alone! It's okay to be in the company of yourself, and it can help you develop your personality and your life experiences.

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kirksfattitties · 4 years

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Hey hey hey, got any highschool advice? I'm starting in a week.

first of all, i’m SO sorry

second, if your experience is anything like mine, high school is a LOT better than middle school, BUT it still kinda sucks

i’m not really sure abt advice for online school if you have online classes (still trying to figure that out myself skshsjhejsl)

but if you have in-person classes i do have a few tips (some of these could probably work for online too? idk)

a planner (paper or an app) was really helpful for me, but i know not everyone works like that 🤷🏻‍♂️ i would try it for at least your freshman year (or whatever they call it in other countries idk) and if it doesn’t work, stop after that

bring extra gum/mints (and food if you bring your lunch) -> this will help you make friends (or at least have people think nicely of you. i’m super annoying but most people actually liked me because i would freely give out snacks and gum if people needed/wanted some)*

along the same lines is have extra pencils/pens/notebook paper/graphing paper -> someone is gonna forget something and they’ll be very grateful if you let them borrow/take something (make sure the pencils/pens aren’t your best ones because people might forget to give them back)*

try to make at least one friend/acquaintance in each class -> if you miss a day or don’t understand something, you can ask them questions (a study group or a groupchat would be super cool, but i know that’s not feasible for everyone)

try to take notes/highlight in different colors for each class -> this helps my brain differentiate between each course subject and “switch gears” (for example last semester at college for chemistry i had dark blue pens, hilighters, and notebooks (for chem lab everything was purple); for genetics i had red pens, pink hilighters, and red notebook; for ecology everything was green; for earth science everything was light blue/teal; for technical writing everything was greyscale or yellow; etc)*

if you’re going to college after high school, try to kiss up to at least two teachers/coaches/whatever while you’re there so they can give you a good recommendation letter (if you know what field you wanna go into, try to make nice with a teacher in that field). this is good even if you don’t go to college, bc it could help you get a recommendation for a job or something

try to do at least some of your homework. if your teacher doesn’t take late grades, turn in what you have done even if it’s not finished (a 50 is better than a 0)

join clubs/extracurricular activities if you want! it’s a great way to make friends!

don’t burn yourself out!! if you’re doing too much it’s okay to ask for help and/or lighten your load. my freshman year (of high school) i was doing all AP/pre-AP classes AND marching band and i was severely depressed and anxious and i ended up having to be hospitalized twice for mental health reasons. don’t let it get to the point where things are too much! if you need to lighten your load or ask for help from a councilor, that’s okay and it’s not admitting defeat!

try not to compare yourself to other people either. try to do the best FOR YOU because everyone has different limits

i’m not sure if people are still gonna be having parties with covid going on, but if they do and you go to one, be careful and stay safe

i know shit sucks but still try to have fun! give yourself breaks and spend time with friends (in person or online if that’s safer) and make time for hobbies

*(these may cost extra money because it’s supplies, so it’s okay if you don’t want to/can’t do these)

good luck and i hope this helps!! 💕

#asks #not star trek #food mention #suicide mention tw #this got a little tmi sorry !! 😬#anyway i love getting asked for advice because it makes me feel like a cool older brother #i mean i AM a cool older brother but my brother hates me and doesnt listen to anything i say #long post

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