#I guess my upbringing has told me that people are inherently unsafe and they will hurt you and that’s just life

[anonyma13]

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#not being able to trust my own feelings and perspective is a special kind of hell #I hate that relationships are a source of intense anxiety for me #no matter how positive the core is I am still sick with it #do we have massively different values and I’ve just been pretending otherwise to myself? #or am I following in my mothers footsteps and blowing it all up for nothing? #or is it somewhere in between? #I can never be honest about how I feel because the bad days make it feel like everything is rotten #don’t give me that you just need other people in your life bullshit #when I struggle so hard with isolating myself #I guess my upbringing has told me that people are inherently unsafe and they will hurt you and that’s just life #maaaaybe I knocked some shit loose journaling about my childhood today #sigh #highly personal #I’m feeling so stressed and I know I’m getting so little sleep #th bright side is that a coworker slash maybe friend cares enough about me to want to get a drink #I think I kinda alarmed her with the whole all of the things I’ve built my life on have dry rotted #and I’m just trying to rebuild on my own with no support #but are you getting the care you need she asked me #and I about had a breakdown later because the answer is no #I wish I wish I wish I had just been able to slow down when we started dating #I wish I had been more self possessed and intentional #I’m #probably not getting any sleep tonight