#I dont see this type of sibling dynamic enough and Im gonna try and write that

[randaccidents]

Oh to write the incredibly complex relationship between siblings. Specifically, the really weird one I have with mine.

Like.

I hate you, I love you, we live in the same house, I want you gone, I want you by my side.

Fighting and arguing, then 5 minutes later one of you showing up at the others door to ask for help with homework and being told to get in and pass a pen and paper. Or 5 minutes later telling them to come over for something and them actually showing up at your door. Or asking about something and getting a response.

Literally never apologising because the apology is implicit. The apology is in the ability to laugh at each others jokes barely 5 minutes later. The apology is in still being allowed to ask for help and receive it.

No one else is allowed this level of violence and kindness. You would verbally murder anyone who says the things about your sibling that you just said. They would probably commit an actual murder if it was said by anyone other than you.

They would rather choke than listen to you. They do anyways, because you are older and they trust you. They dont sometimes, because they know better.

Its a 30 minute argument. One of you interjects with an important family chore or duty and suddenly the argument is forgotten entirely and youre working together.

Somewhere in all of that, you do genuinely love each other. I dont know about my sibling, but I wonder if they hate me enough to want me gone, and then I remember all this. Loving a sibling is letting yourself be hurt by them.

Most days though, I wonder if they would rather I was gone from their life entirely. I dont want them to know my emotions about our relationship.

(Anyways this is an incredibly long way to describe how Im attempting to write Heartless!HMS relationship. They love and hate in equal amounts, but there is an implicit love that they do not express. The problem with that is that it leaves a lot for interpretation, and if you're in a depressive state like Heart you will not see that love. I know I didn't)

#rambles #rand.hc #Heartless AU #and technically #Tridential Whole #Heartless stuff #quick posting this while my sibling is asleep for the next 4 hours #so that itll be buried once they wake #because I dont want them to know about my emotions #and isnt that another thing? #ig I can tag this as srs? #but yeah incredibly complicated relationship of love and hate in equal amounts #I dont see this type of sibling dynamic enough and Im gonna try and write that

[cacaitos]

 so this is i think one of the last rants i had left, also abt incest so like.

what is it about incest that makes it even appealing in the first place...??? like this is not an essay i’m genuinely just ...???  and like writing the thought process so im gonna try to keep it as short as i can.

mostly abt fiction and fetish as smth that hinges on the social nature of a type pf relationship. what i mean is that tho incest exists as an action, im talking of the fetish part that through the conceptions of what a, say, sibling-like relationship is usually known of gets inserted into another relationship or are elements that are framed to arouse.

moving on, what i don’t get is what even, unique to a filial relationship, is supposed to be attractive.  like for starters let’s forbode noticeable agegaps and intergenerational incest bc age taints over the incest combined or not (like even for ppl born basically at the same time they assign them power over other thru age, but i mean what i see it’s the main appeal point abt that little sister-older brother for example, or niece/uncle/stepparent thing is the age-power dynamic that the incest is subservient to or as an aid). 

even staying purely horizontal here, see how people talk about cousins, even in things that have absolutely nothing to do w incest; a counsin they see only every 5 years, [aunt’s name here]’s family, their family; politically like close enough to keep X family resource inside but far enough to get external resource or relationship or benefit, those incestuous flings ppl seem to have as in ‘we’re not THAT close’ ‘that’s not THAT much blood relation’. frequently theres a sense of distanciation, sometimes they’re talked as if theyre not or just barely family, like theyre some rando.

honestly similar can be said of how ppl talk abt step siblings, or half siblings or adopted ones, even unrelated to incest, it’s just a tendency to Other family members like that much theire detriment sometimes. but w all this as far as reasons go abt justifying incest or why they just gravitate to incestuous relationships in fiction/fetisg even **if for not-so-malicious intents, to me there’s the Despite-of and the Because-of. So the ones where the incest is minimized of just that the pair are revealed to be related later on (real or fictional) for example are Despite-of. In contrast the Because-of is where i’m still perplexed about.

like anyone can say abt using incest as a narrative tool to say Y and Z abt The Human Condition, relationships or horror etc like sure ig, w good writing it’s meant to say smth significative. very big brain and all. or bc an exemplar coincides w more common and popular, unrelated to incest, tropes. But. i don’t think that’s what porn actor are thinking about. and i say actors or porn directors and not porn writers bc writers are still obligated to develop a story in its own right (regardless of writing quality) while porn, video, comic, images, whatever can exist on its own and whose context can be summarized in a single title w/o any story whatsoever.

WHAT about the idea of siblingry, in its most simple platonic ideal, is what’s sexy, regardles if the people are actual siblings or not, bc the title could also be put over ppl that didnt even have the concept of incest in mind and were not involved in the titling at all. again unlike age, or physical or any other type of power dynamuc that usually has v defined roles, WHAT can you insert abt siblingry, that’s unique to it, into a sexual or romantic relationship that appeals to some basic taste, need ot whatever.

i dont need to follow the thought process of a pedophile or a chaser of any kind to, at the very least, recognize the demographics they pursue and recognize why they do, or rather what allows them to predate them. you can at the very least understan that looking after vulnerable people or marginalized demographics is very convinient, be it individually (say, a drunk person), or as a class/group (lgbt teens). but can you describe A Sibling. even based on stereotypes, try to visualize a sibling. what does it look like, what age are they, like not even one related to you just the idea of a Sibling etc, its all relative. you can say the same abt parents ofc but more often than not, you can visualize an average age, reasons they couldva had children, that theyre parents BC they have children, thats a relative thing, but you dont need  to know the age of the kid or how they look bc the subject is Parent, not Child, no matter the stage of life either of those are in, theres a clear division of roles. but people have no control over siblings, theyre just givens outside their own control that you have to live with. it doesnt necesarily mean a cordial relationship or a jealous or a confrontational or competitive type of relationship, in my opinion.

it doesnt click yet in my mind what even the most basic, path of least resistance popular reason about it is that makes it, all in all, a very popular fetish, i try i really do. like if it’s just Bc It’s Taboo reasoning, literally you tell a kid not to do smth so theyre gonna do it stronger logic, i hope i don’t lose contact from the eyeroll im gonna do.

#txt #judgement turned down moreso to avoid going into 800 tangents and bc this is just a trend observation #incest tw

[tundrainafrica]

This is mostly me daydreaming off of your writing, but for that postcanon/domestic au thing you have, i always have a soft spot for it because while domestic AUs are nice, I’ve never read one that captured my feelings towards relationship dynamics and parenthood. I often read books/fics where the maternal parent (usually the mom) is the one who is emotionally attached to motherhood and kids. I’ve read so many stories where a mom will just abandon her personal goals for raising her kids, or starts out not wanting kids but the moment they’re born she does a 180. These stories are nice and I appreciate them, but i also dislike how 90% of the time this seems like the only possible outcome. The other 10% is used to show that a woman not being emotional about kids/motherhood = bad human being. I remember seeing a detective show where the bad guy was this woman who was stealing babies of homeless people and the “connection” for how she could do that was that she was cold tempered and gave up her own kid for adoption because she didn’t want to have kids. So like it’s full emotional motherhood or terrible parent, no in between. When i read your domestic AU i dont get that feeling all. Not only are L/H dynamics different to the stereotypical relationship dynamics but the way you portray their parenting makes me feel like my views are valid and that im not a bad person. When i tell people that im not cut out for parenthood, that im too selfish to put a baby before my work, people don’t believe me. They tell me I’ll change my mind once i have one of my own. The fact that most media supports this mindset makes me feel like im a bad person for feeling different. So seeing a hange who isn’t aware that she’s pregnant cause she’s so busy with her work, seeing one who struggles to be a provider when levi gets hurt is so refreshing man. I can’t really thank you enough for writing types these fics. In your recent one with the bad words, there was one line that stayed with me, something like “do you want me to make dinner/ no, i want you to spend time with Luke”. It’s probably just a throwaway dialogue line connecting the bigger themes you have, but for me that line meant a lot and i started to imagine scenarios where hange struggles to accept being a parent, struggles to connect emotionally to a being that not only can’t fully understand her but also doesn’t have patience to listen to her, shows affection through education over cuddling and such, etc. Babies can be a fun “science project”, but they’re not sitting patiently in a lab waiting for the scientist to figure them out, they’re bawling at 3 am for the 10th night in a row. I am sort of self projecting here, but it’s just nice to see something different for once. Lol, sorry for making this long, its hard to phrase things sometimes.

ANON. PLEASE do not feel bad about writing long stuff. You made me so happy reading this. I write to process emotions, experiences and to see that people feel the same way or are able to take home things from my writing makes me so happy.

I'm gonna be completely honest. I didn't grow up with the most hands on mother or actually the most hands on parents in general so like 'Hange' parents were the type of parents I grew up with and 'Levi' parents are kinda the wish fulfillment for me, or the parents which I didn't have but when I stay in people's houses, when I watch my cousins, siblings or even my friends parent, those are the type of parenting methods I swoon over.

My parents were the type of people who birthed us and just went straight to work after. Like 'what is a maternal leave/paternal leave' levels of dedicated to their work.

Most people would probably think my parents weren't caring or a lot of people tend to treat that as 'bad.' I see the other way around too where when people choose to stay at home and raise kids and other people say 'don't you wanna have a life' like choosing to dedicating your life to kids is also a bad thing lmao.

Regardless of what you do, there will be people who criticize parenting methods anyway lmao. Like yeah, my parents were major workaholics, not very hands on but I think as kids, we all turned out fine.

I mean my parents weren't horrible people either. They are very reasonable people. They approach all conflict calmly. They rarely cry, get mad. And when something bad happens, they sit down and just discuss it and how to solve it calmly lmao. And they were amazing providers.

So like, I never actually saw the 'Hange' parenting or even the 'Levi' parenting thing which I write out as a bad thing?? Parenting is parenting? Parents are constantly trying to raise their 'mini mes' while trying to have a life at the same time.

As long as the parents aren't completely assholes and they do shit within reason and they try to learn from their mistakes, I don't think parents can be considered 'bad?'