#I don't know how I missed it...oh it happened in 1992 when I wasn't living at home and didn't have a tv...

[cinemaocd]

this is probably going to be long

OK, I lived through the AIDS crisis. I was a young person questioning my sexuality at arguably the worst possible time in American history. I discovered the word "bisexual" (hooray I have a label) only to read a few days later in mainstream news about how "bisexuals were responsible for spreading AIDS to the hetero community" which was a take that was tolerated on national news shows at the time. The only sex education I had in my entire public education was a film we were forced to watch about how you could get AIDS from french kissing (you can't) and heavy petting (which we didn't know what it was because it was outdated old people code for oral lol)...

The entire LGBTQIA plus community was not attacked as a monolith, the focus of hate came on gay men, because they were the most obviously effected and also the most visible and prominent in the community. The rest of the community did their best to embrace and protect them. (For example lesbian groups that were on the front lines of caring for people who were sick when no one else would...).

And there were people like myself who identified as allies but were in a place where they didn't feel safe to come out themselves. I did not come out at that time because even though I was in accepting local community at University and working at a feminist journal I knew I would lose friends and family and possibly future work opportunities. Being Bi it was easier to blend in for me and I took advantage of that. Part of the reason I hesitated so long about coming out was I felt a lot of guilt that I didn't come out in the 90s during the AIDS crisis. I felt like a coward who wasn't worthy to stand with such brave people.

It took me a long time to let go of that self-hate to the point where I could come out. A big part of it was acknowledging how fucked up the climate for LGBTQIA folks in the 80s and 90s. We had two family friends (which is how I knew I would probably be rejected by a lot of my family) who died of AIDS. Yes, these were brilliant, creative men who worked in theater. One of them was the props coordinator for Late Night with David Letterman (responsible for building Dave's velcro suit etc.). I also have a peer who died of AIDS in the early 2000s, long after the disease had supposedly been "not a death sentence" who also happened to be an actor.

Despite their lack of political involvement, they were be seen as radical just because they lived openly as gay men in a society that hated them and wanted them dead, and only tolerated them if they were the "fun gays" who weren't actually threatening the status quo...

Being in theater or the arts was a survival tactic for a lot of people ya know because it was a more accepting environment and because it wasn't considered important like politics, medicine, science etc. (Miss me with the gays can't do math jokes. A gay man invented the fucking computer).

The gay men I knew in long-term monogamous relationships survived the worst of the crisis and they automatically became "respectability queers" for having not died and wanting jobs with health insurance etc. Because one dude follows his dream of working in theater and the other quits theater and goes to work at the phone company and buys a house with his partner, one is fun and the other boring? One is a creative genius creating culture and the other is a consumer of cultural pap? Wow. Great take.

FUCK. I'm just getting so angry thinking about this. You want to know why it took me till I was FIFTY fucking years old to come out: AIDS. That's it. ONE Fucking word.

Sorry I have no idea WHY I fucking started this other than I saw a shitty post that said, our culture became boring because all the fun gays died and left only the boring gays who only care about marriage or whatever.

#Also: what the fuck is wrong with CATS and ghostbusters??? #both are great #both have their value #if you want to bitch about marvel or shitty broadway musicals then do it #please don't throw all the old gays under the bus for being boring while you do it #also there was that post yesterday about Anthony Perkins and I did not realize he died of AIDS #I don't know how I missed it...oh it happened in 1992 when I wasn't living at home and didn't have a tv... #sometimes the sex positive bubble of tumblr will prefer the LOLZ lifetime achievment of fucking take #over the he was conflicted because all of society hated him for being gay and many many shitty people rejoiced I'm sure when he died take #as they did when other prominent gay men died of AIDS #PS: those are the same people trying to pass legislation attacking trans people #the same fucking people

[katedrakeohd]

One Handsome Devil (TRR)

Masterlist

Chapter 50 : Part 2

_Recovery_

Kate opens her eyes to a world of grey, feeling groggy and disoriented. The oxygen mask hissed as she breathed, the rubber bands that hooked it behind her ears pinched her skin. As her eyes focused she realized she was in a hospital room. The soft beep of her heart monitor filtered in as her other senses came awake. Lifting her right hand she sees the IV tube in the back of her hand and the electronic sensor clamped to her finger. When she tried to move her other arm it wouldn't budge. Oh my God, what's happening? Why does my shoulder ache so much?

The monitor attached to her finger starts to beep rapidly, registering her growing panic and the thumping of her heart. Her warm breath clouds the mask as she gulps at the cool air filling her lungs, her tears sting her eyes and her cheeks.

She hears the hurried footsteps of someone approaching and then the curtain surrounding her bed is ripped aside. The kind sympathetic face of a young female intern swims into view.

"Easy there Miss Darling, everything is going to be ok." She says, soothingly.

Adjusting the bed and pillows so Kate can sit up, she gently pulls the mask off her face and then dabs at her face with the corner of the bedsheet.

Kate gives her a weak smile of gratitude as she looks up at her nametag.  "Th-..thankyou...Dr. Maloney." she whispers.

Kate's head was full of questions, Where am I? Where is Drake?  Is he Ok?  What happened to me in the accident?

"Where am I?" She asks as she looks at the sling on her left shoulder and the cast on her arm.

Dr. Maloney smiles, "You're at Portavira General Hospital."

Kate frowns, looking around for anyone familiar, suddenly feeling very alone. "Portavira?" where the hell is that?  "I'm not in the Capital?"

The intern shakes her head, picking up her chart. "You were brought here by helicopter."

Kate has a vague memory of being strapped to a stretcher and being lifted. Then the airsick woozy feeling of being moved around randomly like a bad amusement ride.

Sliding her hand over her belly, it feels bloated and there are bandages that scrape against her hospital gown.

"What..what were my injuries?" Kate asks nervously, scared of the answer.

The doctor reads her chart out loud, bypassing the medical jargon and putting things in words Kate would understand, "Uh let's see, a dislocated shoulder, a fracture to the forearm, and a minor tearing of the uterine wall from blunt trauma. You were bleeding out pretty badly, but with a minor surgery they were able to stitch you up and stop the bleeding."

Kate gasps, "A tearing of my what?" 

Terrifying thoughts of future infertility and miscarriage race through her mind, causing a deep feeling of dread. She and Drake had just talked about how much they wanted children.

Dr. Maloney looked up from the chart, noticing that Kate has gotten a little paler, and her eyes were wide with worry. "Don't worry, the womb is very resilient. It takes a beating from the inside for several months while it holds onto a fetus. You'll heal just fine and be able to try for another baby in a few weeks."

Kate grips the sheet over her belly, scoffing with denial, "Another baby? I wasn't pregnant."

Sure I was late, but that was nothing new. But then again the last time I was late I didn't have a boyfriend. Oh my God no..

"According to your bloodwork and a urine sample there was a slight elevation in your hormone levels, and the presence of HCG. But there was only a trace amount so we can't be totally sure at this point. I'm sorry to alarm you. The nature of your bleeding prompted us to assume a miscarriage, and we tested for signs of pregnancy in your bloodwork. Were you and your husband trying to conceive?"

Kate shakes her head trying to swallow, her throat was dry from the oxygen she had been administered. "Can..can I get a drink of water please?" She whispers.

The doctor lays the clipboard on the foot of the bed, "Oh sure, sorry about that. I know this is a lot to take in all at once."

Dr. Maloney pours her a cup of water from a nearby pitcher. Kate accepts it, her hand shaking slightly as she sips. "Thanks."

Picking up her chart again, Dr Maloney looks over her information. "You're a mystery  'Kate Darling, 25'  We have a lot of gaps to fill in. When you arrived we only had your name and age."

Kate takes another sip of water. "I was wondering how you knew my name. I don't remember telling anyone."

"I'm not sure who identified you, that's just what they were calling you when you were wheeled in."

Pulling over a chair, Dr. Maloney clicks her pen and then sits down with her chart. "Ok let's fill in the blanks. Your birthdate?"

"December 17th, 1992." Kate says, guessing that the fresh faced intern was around the same age based on the slight turning up of the corners of her mouth.

"Your address?"

Kate gnaws on her lip, "That's a good question, because I really don't know. I live at the Royal Palace with King Nicholas."

Dr. Maloney chuckles, "Yeah right. Seriously where do you live?"

"I'm not kidding. I live at the Royal Palace with the King and I'm engaged to his best friend." Kate insists, knowing that her story sounded crazy to the average person.

"Okaaay, we'll leave that space blank for now." The doctor says, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head. Seriously how hard did this girl hit her head?

"Who do I list as your next of kin?"

"Umm, well my parents live in the U.S. and Brazil so there's no point in listing them. I should probably say King Nicholas, where he's technically responsible for me being in the country, but there's no way I'm allowed to give out his personal phone number. If I told you any other name than my fiance he'd probably be mad, so list Drake Walker as my next of kin."

The Doctor scribbles his name on the form. "And his phone number?"

"He doesn't have a home phone, just a cell, is that Ok?"

The Doctor nods, waiting.

Kate rhymes off Drake's phone number. Damn I wish I could talk to him, tell him I'm Ok. Looking around the unfamiliar recovery room again, Kate feels incredibly lonely. She could really use a familiar face or voice right now.

"Before we can admit you we need to contact Mr. Walker to let him know where you are. As your next of kin he should know your condition as well."

Kate gives the doctor a grateful smile, "Is there any way I can talk to him? I don't have my phone with me."

Dr. Maloney nods, "Your condition is pretty stable. I'll go get you a wheel chair, and then I'll take you out to the nurse's station to call..." she looks down at the paper again to find his name.

"Drake." Kate replies, smiling.

"Yes, thanks." Dr. Maloney gets up from the chair. "Be right back."

Kate settles back against her pillows, looking down at her arm in its cast and sling, she smooths the blanket over her bandaged sore belly. Did we really have a baby in there? It's only been a few days, probably not. I was just late that's all. I hope the surgery doesn't leave a big scar.

She sees the Doctor coming back with the wheel chair. "Ok Miss Daisy, your chariot awaits."

Dr. Maloney drops the side of her hospital bed, disconnecting her pulse monitor from her finger and switching off the machine when the alarm goes off. Placing an arm around her back, and scooping her arm under her knees she carefully helps Kate turn to sit up on the side of the bed. "You're stronger than you look, Dr. Maloney." Kate laughs.

"I've had plenty of practice. Compared to moving a full grown man, you're light as a feather." She says, blushing at the compliment.

Kate eyes the smooth vinyl seat of the wheelchair and then looks down at her bare legs. "I'm guessing my fancy chariot doesn't have heated leather seat cushions."

Pulling the thermal blanket off the bed, Dr. Maloney folds it in half on the diagonal and lays it across the seat and back of the wheelchair. "That should help. Once you're aboard we can wrap the extra blanket around you like a shawl to keep you covered and preserve a little dignity."

"Awww, thanks Doc, that'll be perfect." Kate says with a grateful sigh of relief.

Once Kate is bundled up in her wheelchair, she wheels her IV pole along while Dr. Maloney pushes the chair. "What's your first name Doctor? If you don't mind me asking? You've been so nice to me I'd feel better if I could refer to you by your first name."

"Denise." She says, navigating Kate out to the nurses station.

Kate cuddles her blanket around herself as Denise talks to the nurse behind the counter. After they update her file in the computer the nurse picks up the receiver on the phone.

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