#I JUST DON'T WANT TO ASSUME AND LIKE........MAKE TROUBLE YOU KNOW (INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA ALERT!!!!!!!!!)

[d1anna]

@ PRETTY BALLET GIRL! DO YOU LIKE GIRLS???? LIKE ME?????

#i saw her backstage after we performed and i could have stood next to her but i was like....... #i am not worthy............ i'll stand in the corner even though there's space </3 #like literally i looked up her name to find her instagram #i found her linkedin instead and she's a biomedical engineering major and working at this major tech company (like WORKING not INTERNING) #she's so accomplished 😭😭 simultaneously envious and in awe and in love ok...… #on a slightly different note i haven't had a crush like this on a girl in a while #i always try to suppress my crushes on girls because i always feel like i'm being (internalized) creepy (homophobia) #like even backstage today it was all girls and some of them were changing and i was like looking everywhere but where #people were standing #i felt so self-conscious … like i always get scared that someone will notice my...…..gayness lol #also like her staring at me while she was dancing and like stealing glances at me every now and then made me feel even more self-conscious #i swear i have a gaydar until it comes to girls i'm attracted to #I JUST DON'T WANT TO ASSUME AND LIKE........MAKE TROUBLE YOU KNOW (INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA ALERT!!!!!!!!!) #having crushes on boys is so much easier because i typically don't care for them as much lol #it's hard to explain but i find guys physically attractive but i rarely find them actually romantically attractive #most of the time the prospect of being in an actual REAL relationship with men repulses me or at the very least gives me indigestion #i don't know............ anyway i'm kind of on a sugar high from one (ONE) cookie that i ate after dinner #it was really good but i had two yesterday as well and it gave me a bad sugar crash after my parents and i went to this park #knocked out for two hours after we got back to our hotel #and then we went to this venezuelan restaurant and it was AMAZING #i had an arepa and an empanada con queso with fosforera soup (gorgeous) #i want more it was so good #so sad i have to go back to my rotation of the same four meals now that my parents have gone back home lol #dianna.moon #also i could have broken up this post instead of writing everything in the tags but i do what i want