#I ACTUALLY SEE THE VISION SO HARD WHAT

[dollsuguru]

starting my curator!geto fic officially now! <3

#really want it to sound artistic bc obvi he’s an artist/art curator so i HOPE that comes through 😭 #also finally got the name of the fic down! i was lamenting for ages bc i couldn’t think of anything that was art-inspired #and then i listened to a song and in the lyrics… There It Was… shining like a beacon of light <3 #(funny bc the name has ‘shadow’ in it) #also by alter-ego you’ll see what i mean once i write more of the fic i promise that part will make sense 😭 #kenjaku exists in this fic almost like an Entity he’s not actually a person in this fic #it’s a no-curses au! just wanted to play w different facets of suguru’s personality is all :3 #why aren’t tags saving #oh now you save you bitch. #ANYWAYS. #editing me here: i’m already reworking this intro so it’s more descriptive and less choppy #but it’s hard bc i wanna use a bunch of descriptors but i don’t want it to be CLUNKY 😭 intro is beating my ASS rn #kenjaku has me against the ropes 😩🫦 #ignore the lipbite or don’t… but omfg… maybe I’M the tortured artist 😳😳😳 suguru step aside #double edit: the newer vision is so much better omfg i’m kinda gagged… #snippets #personal

[sysig]

One better (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Blood #I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0 #Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread #Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers #Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha #The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax! #Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!! #It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!! #Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u; #Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to - #Until it comes to his eye #Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/ #It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh #For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear #It's so sad ;; And so well done <3 #And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl #Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :') #Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it #Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone? #''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really #Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔 #That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :) #I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol) #I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers! #Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally #Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose

[bylertruther]

i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.

#rewatching it bc i wanted to make another foreshadowing compilation post for myself regarding what will's actions will #likely be in season five re: vecna and lmao. so many things are just... it's like. it makes me laugh how In Your Face it is now #that we know all that we know. so many direct parallels both with dialogue and actions. mike/will/lucas/el foreshadowing their s4 roles. #the flaying of the holloways and the creels. the dormancy / activation shit. the building shit. the natural progression of their arcs. #the different ways that their characters approach problem solving and how we see tht reinforced by s4. it's so fascinating #genuinely i think idk it was just such a big culture shock i guess u could say from 1 and 2 that it was hard to digest on its own for me #but now that 4 is in the same vein it's like Oh. Okay. Yeah no. I get it now. That's cool. I'm forever bitter but I get it and respect it. #3 4 and 5 are a package deal considering they also said 4 was like part 1 of 5. #it also makes sense bc the point of 3 was that everyone was changing and building themselves in a new way and that #includes vecna so. just so fascinating how they link everything and how their vision is so consistent with certain plots and characters #like. the lucas max mike n will + el involvement is right there. the idea that they have to kill vecna and not just his puppets is right #there. that 2nd point starts in season two but three is where it really turns into an ''the end justifies the means'' situation #(especially for will which i think is something a lot of people overlook but—) #s3 is painful when considering their personal character arcs but fucking delicious when considering the overarching supernatural vecna plot #bc thts also when he starts his ''there is no stopping this'' shtick and actually enters the story #and he's fucking slimy lol. which i Love #anyway. omg first i defended mike in the rain fight and now i'm saying i kind of like season three who the FUCK am i!!!!! #crazy what feeling the need to defend a white boy's honor will do to you 😳

[milkweedman]

ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.

months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.

#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant) #while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember #usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun #because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die #however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again #so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave #its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad. #i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low #because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in #and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening #i want to scream. #i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care #the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white #hhh. #chronic illness #chronic migraine #and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement #or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body #i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry #at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough #like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it #but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier #im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward #literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit. #so its a catch-22. #vent

[purgemarchlockdown]

Im so incredibly incurably unwell about Amane momose

#what if you were a fucked up 12 year old in a cult #what if you were traumatized to such an extent that you will accept punishment as positive stimuli #what if you believe the people who hate you actually care about you so so much #what if you committed murder for your belief #what if that was because your were punished for not obeying them #and also #because ive been thinking too hard about the animal cover coming #what if you were a small animal actually #what if you are supposed to be 'trained' because good animals are supposed to obey commands #what if you were a cat an animal considered by most to be incredibly disobedient #do you see my fucking vision #milgram #amane momose #I love her so much #008

[oscill4te]

It is genuinely so hard to concentrate on a recipe when it has a million of ads and makes you lose your place where you're reading -_-

#i would benefit greatly from writing a recipe on a piece of paper. it would help me encode the memories bc ur writing it down #thats why active note taking is so helpful for helping u remember thinfs in school. cus ur processing the info in an auditory/visual way #but also transcribing it in a simplified way that makes sense to you #i alwaysss read a recipe thru a day in advance before trying something new #but even then I have to refer back to the actual recipe a lot!! #and the ads make me so angryy and unconcentrated lol i hate this ad world #i think its hard to focus on things when a bunch of boxes w useless info r flashing in ur peripheral vision #i just wanna see if i can make food i can fall in love with again. food has gotten vefy boring #thus i wanna try new things other than just rice and beans or rice brocolli n tempeh for the 100th time #im a foodie and i love the process of cooking. i just never can concentrate #once i learn a recipe without needing to refer to the recipe its so exciting tho :^) #its like you have a book of recipes in your brain and its growing. and you get very good at improvising with what you have at home

[todayisafridaynight]

at this point i just dont know how dreaming works

#snap chats #this sounds depressing as hell no its not im just CONFUSED #i posted bout daigo and mine for like. months everyday 24/7 #and in that time ive had one Utterly Peculiar dream with daigo in it but like. on a technicality #and ive never had a dream with mine yeah. probably for the better #but i swear last night i had a dream where i was watching something with tsutsumi and nakai in it #make it make sense brain. do you know ill be mentally unwell if i see daigo or mine in my dreams. #trying so hard to remember what it was but its been lost to the subconscious #im gonna blame it partially on me having read those arasawa fics right before bed #i mean it was objectively not arakawa and jo in my dream but yk. same face #i just wanna remember what it was even about... mightve been a comedy of sorts... #OH YEAH SINCE I MENTIONED THOSE FICS im gonna throw up they were great #ooohhh i love sad/tragic fics oooh the guilt on both sides was so real and potent #im gonna think of jo helping masato walk until i die #the vision of jo in the rain with masato’s burned in my brain actually i might. draw it if you will #but im going to the mall in a hot hour so. hm. we’ll see #maybe i’ll do it before i leave for the mall... shouldnt take long... #not unless i also wanna include a shot of arakawa and turn this into a two-panel comic ig.... #IDK POINT IS everyone should read those fics. both sides theyre so good #there is no happy thought and if there is its incredibly fleeting and im injecting it right into my veins #these tags are damn everywhere but i treat tumblr like a Blog blog so im updatinng everyone on everything #plus its related ok. im valid. #alright im gonna snake to my computer and crank out that drawing then #mall wont open for another two hours anyway and i dont wanna be a mout breather standin at the door as it opens so

[hauntingblue]

Oh that sheet metal eating little fish should be dead by now

#he is on usopps bodies list on my head that was brutal #with chopper looking like a teen with hia horn point i just keep getting more conviced that they will do chopper like the fishmen #but like a kid with reindeer prosthetics on #and after the time skip he will be a teenager do you see my vision #they dont think they will use cgi for like characters bc the sets and all look quite expensive already. tbh its better this way imo #the zonai fruit turned him into a human like creature idk.... maybe they use cgi in his transformations. its not like chopper looks like an #actual reindeer so.... like just when he is on his reindeer form and he doesnt use it that often #nami is against some random fishmen???? and where is robin my girl robin.... #do you think robin can save the day with her gigantic hands #where does this man keep getting gigantic axes who keeps seling them to him they are branded even #luffy screaming he will protect them all... my beautiful boy with a disorder..... #he cant fucking throw the axe what a useless piece of man #its going down.... #and sugar we're going down swinging #at least the sucker is dead.... small blesings #PUSH IT REAL HARD!!! #cant shirihoshi call on surume or smth to move the boat... like please call the beasts #talking tag #watching one piece #episide 561

[eorzeashan]

I should just buckle down and finish instead of letting my fic do psychic damage to me when i'm not writing it but I still think about the juxtaposition of Eight next to Theron. I've been trying to parse why their relationship is so tense from Theron's pov even though Eight feels no threat or animosity towards him whatsoever and besides the guilt, it's because he's looking at what he's afraid of being: a spy that became so much of the role's definition that he no longer has any place among other people. One who is used to hurting and hurting others. An agent who only exists in the liminal spaces of blacked-out documents and in the hurried whispers of shadowy figures that do not stay.

Theron is a good spy. He devotes himself wholly to the job. But he hurts and hesitates when forced to do an aspect of it that goes against his conscience; an odd thing to have as an agent, when betrayal is the name of the game.

He remains riddled with guilt for one mission that ultimately had no friendly casualties, while Eight stands before him, an agent known for killing friend and foe, for his lack of commitment to sides, for his self-made solitude built out of the skeletons of other people. Eight is so desensitized to the game that he can thrive nowhere else. Eight has been in it so long he does not blink at these actions, nor at Theron's. He wonders if he's really here for him or just to watch him fall, like a carrion feeder waiting for the body to cool.

Then he beats himself up for thinking that way towards someone who has taken shrapnel for him without hesitation before, and the cycle of having no answers to a cipher of a living being continues.

But in the back of his mind, he sees the same nightmare he so often dreams about on the most sleepless of eves; Eight is extending a hand to him, halfway through a door with no light. "Come on," He says, darkness lapping at his outline like disturbed waters, "I'll lead you to a place where no one can see your mistakes ever again."

#swtor #oc: orradiz #the pipeline of theron being scared of him then being scared of being him was slow. #it's a ridiculous notion from an outside pov #but i feel like alone with his anxiety during the traitor arc feeling how he lives for the first time #rejected by the people you serve and alone in your own game #he wonders if this is the first of many good intentions that lead to eight's hell. #they're spies. they're not from some different planet #but at the same time...I suppose he's hard to look at when you're someone like theron. who does not want to forget what it means to live #to forget your personhood... #there's the actual idea of a spy (a tool) vs an idealistic vision of a spy (a person at the same time) #and I think theron embodies the other half so the horrifying aspect of being one occasionally brushing against him #like the curious touch of a passing sea beast that you can't see under your boat #kinda shakes him #eight is very much a personification of the horrors of espionage #people also tend to be much more scared of what they think is duplicity behind a kind veneer #theron isn't some naive babe in a cradle unknown to these horrors #but he still balks at killing. at betrayal. #he holds very tight to his idea of right bc i think if he didn't have that he'd have nothing #is this your friend? or your cautionary tale?

[moe-broey]

I'm too lazy to illustrate it (plus I think I'd get too caught up in the process LMFAO) but when drawing/adding personal touches to Lif's design I am channeling Lio Fotia Promare for his armor (ESP the Mad Burnish armor) Lewis Mystery Skulls (less aesthetic similarities reflected but like, kinda similar broad chested body type similar vibes and important heart motifs) (heart motif isn't pictured in this Lewis image but if you've seen the animated music vids you get it) and literally just any 2D animated Disney villain who is Shaped and Dramatic (and has a huge fucking cape or coat -- tbh the specific ones I think about are Maleficent and Cruella just from the dramatic/big cape standpoint, purely aesthetic)

(fuck it after a lot of thinking Hades is a good one too)

#no main tags about it but. i need everyone to understand my vision. #ig maleficent is more sleek than i'd ever draw lif but it's about vibes. fucked up dramatic evil vibes. #when it comes to body language i am always imagining him moving around in that dramatic disney villain way too #like i adore the serious art of him that captures his canon very well i adore seeing his severe and threatening side #but to me when i portray him he is just a little campy. #i can't help it LMFAO everything i touch gets a little silly and gay AGSJHAKSKAK #THE FLOURISH. THAT'S WHAT I'M ALWAYS IMAGINING. THE EVIL FLOURISH. #and like v important he's still so serious. and angry and full of grief. a threatening foe and liability as an ally. #someone you love but don't fully trust. #i feel like i. don't always capture the full scope of complexities in my work. too busy staying silly ig LMFAO #fe lif #<- one main tag actually. but only so i can find this later on my blog if i need it 👍 #THINKING THIS OVER AGAIN the reason i gravitate towards maleficent is bc of the Sharpness in her design #like dr facilier/the shadow man could fit v well here too aesthetically and hades thematically esp #but also full disclosure i haven't watched any classic disney movies in years LMFAO #literally was just frantically looking up 'most iconic classic disney villains' to look at their character sheets #bc i was SO hard pressed by the maleficent inspo. i feel like she is the EPITOME of dramatic disney villain #and i happened upon cruella and was like OH FUCK YES BIG FUCKING FUR COAT!!!!!!!!!!!! implementing this forevwr now #pouring over model sheets i almost feel like dr facilier is a bit too flamboyant actually? #like he's too playful actually. fantastic vibes but not quite for lif. #i think hades captures the silliness/exaggerated rage/movementa i think of and cruella also captures this #AND she has the big fur coat. i desperately wanna watch 101 dalmatians now LMAO #just to see how her coat moves and the weight of it. #but also i think maleficent captures the Classic dramatic and severe villain i was also imagining. #she has a lot of seriousness to her too. plus big cape. and drama. ect. #CATEGORY 5 AUTISM MOMENT. I KNOW. I NEED TO STOP THINKING I WANNA DO SALMON RUN

[torgawl]

do you think part of the reason diluc still struggles with his resentment towards kaeya is because kaeya is more like what crepus wished diluc to be? crepus was so proud of diluc for his accomplishments as a knight and lived his dream through him as well and we know how much crepus' approval meant for diluc, more than any title or doing. i sometimes wonder if diluc feels hurt knowing that kaeya gets to live the equivalent to his past life as a knight as if nothing happened when he had to make sacrifices for his own peace of mind and sense of justice. i wonder if that's what pains him the most, not the fact kaeya ommited the truth about his past for so many years but having felt like he was the only one who cared to do something regarding his father's death and who showed any sense of uprightness when confronted with the knights' request to cover their mistake and negligence. i always think about how diluc might have felt like everything was a lie and his sense of betrayal. but maybe that didn't matter as much as having the support of his brother and someone he could share his pain with would have mattered. maybe the worst thing wasn't what kaeya did but what he didn't do; maybe it was never about his actions but the lack thereof.

#i just keep thinking about how lonely diluc must have felt #we know they kept in contact but it wasn't the same #but i also feel so much for kaeya who must have been deeply worried all the time diluc spent away all the times his letters were unanswered #do you think kaeya checked diluc's vision frequently to see if it ever faultered? #my heart clenches whenever i think about them #as much as i love to dwell on the angst of their relationship i feel so happy to see an accurate representation of what healing is like #and the usage of time as a way of storytelling #how it's a slow process and how you get there little by little #how conflicting it is #you have diluc's simultaneously passionate/fierce and stoic personality vs his more vulnerable anonymous messaged in cat's tail board #he admits it pains him and he reminisces of the past yet it's so easy to get angry and it's so easy to build up walls #and then you have kaeya who comes across as confident charming laid-back but who's so hard to read #there's a sadness in him even though he's mostly well resolved #you wonder if some of his diligence is actually his or compensation for his guilt #i just really enjoy them both and how different they are yet so similar #how they are both deeply lonely how they draw a line at anyone putting people at risk #they're not my favourite characters by chance i really think they're extremely well characterised and i think they're easy to relate to #and even though kaeya uses the term anti-hero with attitude problems to describe himself they're both genuinely kind hearted people #they're both warm in their own way #and i hope they hug one day i hope by the end of this stupid game that they get to properly be in each others lives again #the way kaeya called diluc his brother in his hangouts warmed my heart a lot i'm just so glad despite everything they're still able to keep #the other around even if diluc is a silly grumpy guy the fact they dined together like the old times already means something too #my boys <3 #sometimes i want to hit diluc because it's him who pushes kaeya away the most but i also understand that the process of getting ready to #fully let go of his struggles and forgive kaeya takes time #i'm simultaneously hitting him with a cardboard tube and giving him a big big hug #i still think they should be put in the get along t-shirt though 😂 i think that's what they're lacking that would work for sure

[tiktaaliker]

i have this thing where sometimes i see a smooth surface (cgi is specifically bad for this) and some part of my brain goes. hey wouldnt it be fucked up if that was Flawlessly and Perfectly Smooth. and i go yeah that would be fucked up and proceed to have an anxiety attack over the concept of a really really really flat rock face or some shit like that

#howling #and then the other people in my brain MAKE FUN OF ME FOR IT #i dont get it either!!!! #like part of my obsession with deep water stems from a reoccurring. uh #it wasnt a nightmare or anything because i would be awake it was like. a vision. or hallucination i guess but idk if it was one for real #but it was like. a glass of water but the glass was perfectly smooth and the water was perfectly flat and didn't ripple #so all the sides were SUPER smooth #and it doesnt SOUND fucked up but the actual image itself was the scariest goddamn thing imaginable #i dont See It anymore (it used to be if i even THOUGHT about it it would show up) #but sometimes ill see something and i get the Water Glass Terror (tm) again without the actual water glass #all this to say that i watched the first episode of that ashoka show today #and in like the second scene she cuts holes in the ground with a lightsaber and it fucked me up a little bit #anyways the only reason why im sharing it is because there really isnt a pattern #on what smooth surfaces do or do not trigger the Water Glass Terror #and even then any given thing only works once #like even with cgi sometimes itll hit REALLY hard and other times? nothing #idk man im just still feeling it a little bit and want to get some of this shit off my chest #catch me oversharing on the oversharing webbed sight <3

[dutybcrne]

While he’d had Diluc’s Vision in his care, Kaeya often spoke to it. Updates on how things were going in Mondstadt, on Jean and the Knights, quiet admissions on how much he missed him and hoped he was alright. Demands he come back to Mond alive, if not for the family he’d discarded, if not for the Knights, then for those at the Dawn Winery at the very least. They missed him more than anyone.

Kaeya doubted Diluc could even hear them, but if there was a chance those words could reach him, that Diluc could somehow be reassured through whatever turmoil he was facing in that moment and given some burst of determination to succeed through the worst from them, Kaeya would still ensure not a day went by without speaking to the Vision, conversations scarcely more than two hours apart if he could help it. It was a childish, most likely vain hope, he knew. But nothing and no one, including himself, would ever have been able to curb the habit.

Anything to make sure that Vision never once dulled to emptiness.

#Sb: You two were always so attached at the hip; it must be hard with Master Diluc gone #Kaeya; with the Vision tucked safely in his vest: Haha; what? I don't miss him; I'm relieved he can't fucken NAG me anymore- #hc; kaeya #//Imagine the messes he kept getting himself into if keeping the Vision near kept screwing up with his own Vision usage #//The Pyro IMMEDIATELY reacting to counter his Cryo usage (Kae can't help bitterly think it MEANS something; proof of Diluc's resentment) #//Kaeya simultaneously getting sabotaged by that happening AND his own worries making him sloppy #//Kae making jokes that he's been cursed with bad luck; and damn well KNOWS keeping the Vision so close is only trouble #//But anyone'd have to pry that Pyro Vision from his cold dead hands if he could help it #//When Diluc comes back and Kae HAS to part with the Vision; he can't help feeling lonely again #//Almost misses the damn thing was still on hand to sabotage him #//It's easier dealing with the Vision acting up than having to actually HEAR how much Diluc resents him now (as he thinks he does) #//It certainly was easier to TALK to #//sometimes; he genuinely can't tell if it was more stressful only ever having the Vision to tell if Diluc was alive #//Or being able to see him in person and check on him then #//Letters could only do so much and with only Two he received compared to all those he sent; well; he couldn't trust like that #//But then talking to him after everything is just the Worst because both their guards are up and the ways they deal with it Clash #//Will that stop him? Ofc not #//He can deal with bruised pride and hurt feelings if it means making sure he's still kicking. He owes him that much #//Idk; found this half-written while clearing drafts and A #//Had to finish the thoughts

[the-punforgiven]

It's like 9am I wasn't expecting a second sleepless night in a row

#I've gone through a huge emotional rollercoaster already earlier in the night I'm off the ride and stable now #I'm just really REALLY tired and numb listening to music I don't like #and wanting to draw something far out of my comfort zone that I know I'll hate for some reason #I am always at my worst when I'm listening to uh #I don't know what this music even is it's like super harsh very crunchy edm and I don't like it #it feels like some shit you'd hear at a cybergoth rave #while desperately searching for the exit because you realized most of the attendees are vampires who just caught on that you aren't one #you're feeling the effects of something you took earlier and it's hitting you hard #though you got them off a vampire so there's a good chance you'll be feeling the effects of prion disease after the high wears down #the exits are locked and your vision is faded #you see the long batlike shadows of the attendees closing in #your vision's going dark and the attendees look like silhouettes with the loud flashing lights behind them #the music's slurring in your ears and you're so dizzy you can barely stand #you head throbs and your heart beats to the rhythm of the music that consumes all other sound #the incoherent mass of silhouetted bodies creeps closer and you can smell the blood in the air #their features are so blurred and distorted by the lights the music and your own shitty vision you can barely tell what you're looking at #yet somehow #their teeth are crystal clear #this song sucks and I feel actually physically sick #not sure if thats from the song though lmao #Pun's text Posts

[morningmarionette]

im currently writing an atsugawa (I hate the name shin soukoku or whatever I'm sorry but I'm actually not. also I cannot pronounce soukoku {this is the real reason I don't use soukoku}) and I don't even ship it lmaoo

#maris bsd 🗞️ #like its not a bad ship for my personal tastes #I like them alot more in trios tho I've realized #absolutely adore anytime atsu aku and kyouka are together #two disaters and a teenage girl going through the inexplicable horrors #my favorite #I also desparately wish more people saw the atsulucygawa vision..... #anyways the fic is actually more like before an establish relationship but you can read it as romantic if you want #you'd have to work extra hard though because their bickering isn't like #romantic bickering they're actually kinda getting on each others nerves #but then they have a cute moment talking about their respective agency co workers and realize they do have common ground and that's how muc #they love their lil found dysfunctional families #actually its mostly akutagawa talking Abt port mafia (IM SICK OF PPL SAYING HE DOESNT CARE ABT THEM IDC I wRITE CANON NOW TY) and atsu #realizing that akus never rlly been in a position where he could safely and openly show his affection for anyone #and the one time he did they left (dazai) (this is how the conversation starts) #(aku says smth Abt gin and atsus like “awhh you care alot :3” and akus like “no I don't” and then atsus like “ykw its okay to care Abt ppl” #and akus like “:(( but what if they leave again” and atsus like “but what if they stay?” and basically lists all the reasons why they'd sta #and then akus gets all soft and has a nice moment of caring about everyone he works with #(except maybe chuuya I cant rmb any times they've interacted and i cant think of anything fun or like core memory things they'd do together #and then aku is like “what Abt you and your family? how are they?” and then it's atsus turn to be all sappy about their family #and so then they end up having a way better day than expected AND they walked away from it with a new friend and an even better #understanding of each other and stuff #yeah #reminder I don't even ship atsugawa but wow I feel deeply abt them both. #maybe Id like them as like QPR?? #I can see that alot better #but man atsulucygawa.... #even they'd probably be QPR though imo #anyways pushing my “aku doesn't feel like he can allow himself to share his affection for people because he doesn't want them to leave” #agenda ty for coming to my Ted talk

[shotmrmiller]

it turned to smut in seconds, i cannot control my own hands, ok. 18+ (implication of breeding kink or something and simon's a jealous boy)

ex-husband simon who signed the divorce papers without a fight. it'd stung, you're not gonna lie, but it needed to be done and the fact that he didn't make a big fuss about it made things easier for you physically. (emotionally you were in shambles because did he not even want to try and fight for you?)

he comes over only on the weekends when he's on leave.

he's a good father to his boys. he takes them to their softball games when he can, buys them the ice cream and takes them toy shopping.

and then there's a sharp knock at your door on a wednesday afternoon.

"simon?"

he walks in like he owns the place, which technically he does- even pays the mortgage because there's no way you would be able to afford living here with your own measly income.

"what's this the boys are tellin' me 'bout a man bein' in here?" his voice is calm, steady. but you know simon better than you know yourself, and he's furious.

"i- i'm not sure-" he swipes his hand in the air and your mouth clicks shut.

"don't lie t'me, poppet, or i'll be findin' him myself an' you really don't want tha'."

what man? there hasn't been any since the divorce! you're digging through your memories, scrambling to find what the hell he's talking about when-

"oh! it's the plumber!" you take steadying breath. "i called a plumber on sunday. i needed the kitchen sink fixed."

his dark eyes are piercing, so sharp they could cut. simon's always been a walking lie detector, and it's unnerving to be on the opposite end of that analyzing stare.

he nods imperceptibly, then flicks his gaze to behind you, over your head. "show me."

you scoff indignantly. "show you what? the bloody sink?"

simon wordlessly heads to the kitchen and his knees pop as he kneels-

he's actually checking the fucking sink.

with a grunt, he leans his head into the cabinet and twist awkwardly which is no doubt causing a familiar pain to flare up in his lower back. you can't help but wince in sympathy.

lo and behold, there's a shiny, white elbow in the middle of the rest of the dirty, scratched pipe.

he hums, and rises to his feet, closing the cabinet with his leg.

simon approaches you slowly, fingertips touching the kitchen island as he rounds it. "palms flat on the counter, sweetheart."

oh. oh you know exactly what that means, and your pussy throbs almost in reflex. months without his touch and your body still responds the same.

your protest already at the tip of your tongue, almost involuntarily because principles, but he sees right through you, as he's always done.

"jus' a reward for all o' your hard work. takin' care o' the boys is a stressful job all on its own." his worn hand cups the underside of your jaw tenderly. "aren't i always good t'ya?"

your exhales are weak, just like your resolve. "okay."

simon's eyes glint with satisfaction as he lifts his hand, index pointing upwards and twirls it in a slow, deliberate motion.

your palms are flat on the counter when he curls his fingers into the waistband of your shorts and knickers, tugging them downward.

they're flat on the counter when he lowers himself to his knees and taps the inside of your foot, indicating you to widen your stance.

they're curled into fists when his breath puffs against your slick cunt and his warm tongue slides through your folds, drawing lazy circles around your bud. a tingle of arousal shoots up your spine, his mouth sparking a fire right under your navel.

they're reaching for simon, nails sinking into the delicate skin of his wrist as your back bows when you come on his tongue, vision spotted with black, blurry dots and white hot ecstasy coursing through your veins.

your hands are now crossed at the base of your spine, your cheek pressing into the cool kitchen counter as he bends you over it.

"15 minutes before the boys are home from school. tha's plenty o'time, yeah?"

a rhetorical, if you've ever heard one.

your knuckles stain white as you clench your fists at the heavy, hot weight of his manhood stretching your walls to take him in, a sweet burn that you've always loved. he's gentle but sure, bottoming out in one smooth stroke that pushes the air out of your lungs. the sibilant hiss simon lets out is never fails to elicit a whimper out of you.

"fuck," he groans. "i could stay inside this pretty pussy forever."

and the dirty talk. how much you've missed it.

"would you like tha', pet? be inside of ya til you don't know where i end and you begin?"

a garbled mhm slips past your lips. your head already empty at just the sensation of being so unbearably full that it feels like you're tearing at the seams.

"another time, then, since the kids'll be home soon."

he begins to move, shallow but firm thrusts that drag his cock along your nerves deliciously- a sure fire way of getting you to climax around him in minutes.

your walls begin to squeeze down as the knot in your stomach tightens, and he lets go of your wrists, looping an arm around your waist and straightens you- his broad chest to your much smaller back.

his clever fingers wind downwards, and rub precise, little circles on your slippery clit, and it's all too much, you're hurtling toward the precipice at neck break speed- "god, simon, please-"

his pace never falters, not his hips nor his fingers as your moans begin to rise in pitch. "i'll get ya there, love."

he does, he gets you to your highest peak- blindingly intense- one that chokes the very breath out of you and slackens your knees. "i've got ya."

there's no strength left in you to brace for the spine-jarring thrusts he gives after, the only thing keeping you from sprawling forward is the arm that's looped around you as he pulls you to him.

"on anything?" he rumbles.

your ears ring at that because he can't possibly- your head shakes unbidden.

"good."

the last four thrusts are heavy, backed by his weight, and he smothers a loud groan into the junction of your shoulder as he finishes inside of you- thick, viscous cum filling you until it begins to drip and fall to the floor with an audible plop.

he presses tender little kisses to your sweaty shoulder and nips the side of your neck. "just in time."

the clock on the stove says 5 minutes before the bus gets there.

he helps you redress, chuckling under his breath when you won't look him in the eye. "i'll get the kids, go get cleaned up."

the knot in your chest loosens when you hear the boys' laughter at seeing their father on the driveway. it loosens when simon picks both of them up, one in each arm, and glances up at you as you look down at them from the window.

heat licks up your cheeks when he gives you a smarmy little grin.

idiot.

#call of duty #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x f reader #simon ghost riley smut #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley x you #simon riley smut #cod smut #cod mwii #simon riley #ghost smut