#He had fun wrapping them

[comixandco]

there’s an alternate universe out there where when you reach the sanctum in totk when “zelda” does her little cutscene she ends it by throwing a dagger at you and it whistles just past link’s head as he reacts in shock before readying himself for battle and then you regain control of him as a boss bar appears at the top of the screen that reads “Puppet Zelda, Twisted Memory”

and Link is forced to fight the one he swore he would protect and has been chasing after the entire game, and instead of a sage offering him warnings or encouragement the Zelda belittles him and accuses him of abandoning her and failing her and leaving her to die

and her attacks at the beginning of the fight are those bursts of bright light and the daggers but as you whittle down her health and begin stage two the facade begins to slip and the light bursts are replaced with darkness and she oozes gloom wherever she moves and her movements become more stiff and skeletal and broken

and then once you’ve defeated her she rises into the air all broken and limp but still looking at you and says that it doesn’t matter that she wasn’t zelda because zelda is still gone, trapped in the past with no way to come home she could be burried anywhere in hyrule, and she summons a dark bow of light and draws it back as a red-purple bulging mass begins to form at the arrow tip

and that’s when the sages turn up, sidon unleashing a wave that pushes the bow aside, tulin firing an arrow that riju uses to cast down lightning, and yunobo at link’s side, and they all have their own line of dialogue that boils down to ‘don’t worry link, there’s no way that’s zelda, she would never say those horrible things, and we know she’s still out there because you heard her true voice, so don’t lose hope!’

and then zelda dissolves into gloom with a fit of that uncanny laughter and that’s when that megamind-style ganondorf head appears and makes his whole speech about how they have no idea who he is or was and you get his memory and that he has waited all his imprisonment to battle against link and prove that he is the strongest in hyrule, ‘and then you will fall, link, as rauru and zelda did, knowing that hyrule falls with you. Come to the Depths beneath this wretched castle, and meet your fate, o destined hero.’

and then the zelda-gloom melts away into a heart, and the sages have that post-battle talk about re-grouping at lookout landing, and tell link not to do anything rash because they will find the real zelda together

#totk spoilers #totk #i just. we were robbed of a puppet zelda fight imo #don’t spend all that time building up a creepy ganon-controlled zelda and then get me right where she wants me then give me some phantoms #i can fight phantom ganons whenever i want they’re in set locations with gloom hands!!! Give me a unique boss battle that sets up ganon’s #final plans and properly wraps up the first arc of the game where ganon is leading you as zelda to collect the spiritual stones #so that he can take them from everybody’s corpses when he defeats you and gain even more power #at least. that’s what i want his plan to be bc it makes the most sense i haven’t exactly gone to fight him yet >-< #and like. this doesn’t solve the problem of act two being nothing if you’ve done actions out of order or that the tears spell out the entir #mystery of where zelda is which ruins the main quests of the game because everybody’s like ‘where’s zelda????’ and you’re just like 🙄👆🐉 #but you aren’t given that dialogue option ever BUT it would have been much more forgivable if the obvious not-zelda #had culminated in a super fun angsty puppet fight like in tp or st

[ambiguousdisorderken]

something tumblr loves to do is recreating the big bad straw man vegan because it's easier than reevaluating your beliefs and god forbid changing your habits, again and again and again and ag

#oh yes this is about the vegan to ecofasc post #so we are ecofascists because we do not support animal abuse??? #get this. veganism is For the animals. first and foremost. #they are not objects. we do not own them. they do not exist to benefit us humans. we are not entitled to their bodies. #yes! i too used to say oh i could never go vegan. but it's not about me. it's about them. i dont want baby chickens to be ground to death #i dont want cows to be raped again and again just so i can drink milk from their udders wtf #i dont want whales and dolphins to be sentenced to a lifetime inside a tank with no contact with their kin #i dont want another ryder lying on the streets of new york because he was exploited so tourists could prance around #i dont want beagles or rats or monkeys suffering inside laboratories getting experiments done on them #animals do not exist so we can abuse them #i loved fried chicken too much and my favorite food was sushi and i didnt see animals as beings #and all i see now is the mass suffering that we cause and im ashamed and i wish people on this goddamn website understood #because when i was at the supermarket someone made a joke pointing to the dead bodies of baby turkeys frozen and wrapped up in plastic #and they thought it was funny and i would've thought so too before. and now it's just . a fridge with corpses. and we had no right. #and it's victims you're making fun of. it's not vegans. #now go post in support of all other social movements. as long as they're human-centered of course #vegan #boohoo to anyone and everyone getting mad at this or saying i missed the point . i did not . #the only time carnists reblog vegan posts is when said post puts veganism in a bad light. pleather or quinoa or almond milk or ??? #oh but dont you dare compare humans to animals!! why the fuck not . antivegs will be the first ones to say animals eat other animals. #im so tired so fucking tired and it's this tumblr toxic troll behavior whenever veganism is mentioned

[septembersghost]

…got a surprise gift from a friend today, i might be crying?! 🥺🥹💗💗💗 🎶🎸 you’re the cutest lover doll i ever did see 🎸🎶

#honestly no words #he dropped his guitar trying to get to me so i had to fix them up which was fun tbh #I’M OVERWHELMED I DON’T KNOW #they’ll be very beloved in my collection #elvis presley #barbie #bubble wrap around my heart #jess.mess #i was a dreamer

[horrorgirlreads]

If anyone is wondering what being in a relationship when you're both neurodivergent is like, my partner just called me into the kitchen so I could crush up some long expired weetabix he'd forgotten about in the cupboard because he knew I'd like the crunch

#mine #random #neurodivergent #we also had eggs with dinner and he wrapped up the shells in kitchen roll so I could crush them for fun

[loidsxf]

NOTHING COULD PREPARE ME FOR THIS LOOK

#your honor he may be dressed like a clown but i still love him #this whole part had me deadddd how he was like i WILL win at having fun in this trip i will show everyone!!! #but he just ended up being an embarrassing dad for anya 😭😭 #he's so good at father-ing he's just unlocked the embarrassing dad level!!!! jsjsjsjdjd #i literally wanna post about every part in this manga it's just sooooo insane i love them #spy x family #my posts #loid forger #anya is SO good at playing him btw. she's got him wrapped around her finger. i love this overthinking clown spy dad sm

[wolves-in-the-world]

possibility: tara owing sophie A Favour isn't because professional favours are an accepted thing for more than just hitters, but because tara is a grifter-with-a-side-of-hitter in much the same way that eliot's a hitter-with-a-side-of-grifter.

that makes it very fun to me that tara had eliot figured out well enough to go "do the thing with your eyes that scares people." (the grifter thing. oh, you know exactly what I mean.)

more than that - eliot looks like a hitter and wants people to assume that's all he can do; tara looks like a grifter and takes even eliot by surprise when she fights. her "please don't hurt me, good, okay, now I'm going to hurt you" play with the triad goon is the exact reverse of eliot's "look punchy, don't let them see you can do more than that" shtick, but for the exact same "underestimate me so I can prove you wrong" purpose.

and that is so neat.

#tara cole #tara leverage #eliot spencer #tara #eliot #I was thinking about hitter culture and the honour of favours and confidentiality and trust etc and just had a tiny oh shit moment #tara's favour could have no significance here but I'm expanding on it because it's fun #tara handshake emoji eliot: IMPROVISED WEAPONS #she fights a guy with an iron and knocks him out with her head and tells eliot ''admit it. you kinda like me now.'' #and yeah of course he would!! she just did HIS thing and did it well! #like her ROLE is grifter but she uses hitter skills competently and keeps them under wraps imo #on the one hand it's a good thing she never became their enemy but also I kinda wish we got to see more of her #without that big professional favour keeping her in a job she wasn't doing for personal reasons #there's depth and complexity there and we only see hints of it. #tara handshake emoji eliot: flirting their way out of trouble #tara handshake emoji eliot: doing the work for work reasons and finding a deeper purpose along the way #tara handshake emoji eliot: the blood they have on their hands. #(that commentary quote about how sophie exchanges christmas cards with her old marks #and tara has walked away from burning buildings with a bloodstained suitcase and never looked back.) #I think she couldn't stay because they were a complete team without her once sophie got back #and because she didn't like that she was a little bit compromised. #deep sigh #messed up punchy people my beloved

[aezyrraeshh]

tagged by @arklay and @jillvalcntines to fill this out for some of my ocs; thank you so much loves!! and thank YOU so much leah for adding more options!!!

tagging: @aartyom @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @cultistbase @faarkas @florbelles @nuclearstorms @reaperkiller @shadowglens @steelport @stormveils @swordcoasts @wrymbloods & whoever else wants to do this!

OC APPEARANCE SURVERY.

; CANDY

BODY

Long legs. Average legs. Short legs. Slender thighs. Thick thighs. Muscular thighs. Slender arms. Soft arms. Muscular arms. Lean arms. Toned stomach. Flat stomach. Ample stomach. Soft stomach. Six-pack. Beer belly. Lean frame. Muscular frame. Beefy frame. Curvy frame. Voluptuous frame. Petite frame. Lanky frame. Short nails. Long nails. Manicured nails. Acrylic nails. Dirty nails. Small breast. Average breast. Big breast. Flat ass. Toned ass. Bubble butt. Thick ass. Small waist. Straight waist. Thick waist. Narrow hips. Average hips. Wide hips. Big feet. Average feet. Small feet. Soft feet. Slender feet. Calloused hands. Soft hands. Big hands. Average hands. Small hands. Long fingers. Average fingers. Short fingers. Narrow shoulders. Average shoulders. Broad shoulders.

HEIGHT

Shorter than 140 cm. 140-150 cm. 151 cm to 160 cm. 161 cm to 170 cm. 171 cm to 180 cm. 181 cm to 190 cm. 191 cm to 2 m. Taller than 2 m.

SKIN

Light. Tanned. Brown. Dark. Rosy. Neutral. Olive. Golden. Pallid. Blotchy. Albinism. Vitiligo. Birthmarks. Freckles. Moles. Wrinkles. Stretch marks. Scars. Burns. Acne. Smooth. Dry. Oily. Combination.

EYES

Small. Large. Average. Dark brown. Light brown. Hazel. Green. Blue. Grey. Violet. Gold. Other. Heterochromia. Doe-eyed. Close-set. Wide-set. Deep-set. Protruding. Narrow. Monolid. Almond. Round. Heavy eyelids. Upturned. Downturned.

HAIR

Thin. Thick. Fine. Average. Oily. Dry. Neutral. Soft. Shiny. Curly. Frizzy. Wild. Unruly. Smooth. Straight. Wavy. Cropped. Pixie-cut. Bob. Mullet. Mohawk. Half-shaved. Under cut. Buzz cut. Shaved. Bald. Hair extensions. Weave. Afro. Waves. Dreadlocks. Box braids. Braids. Twists. Faux locs. Jaw length. Shoulder length. Armpit length. Mid-back length. Waist length. Hip length. Past hip-length. Middle part. Side part. Blunt bangs. Curtain bangs. Wispy bangs. Short bangs. Side bangs. Dyed bangs. Ombre. Dyed. Grey. White. Platinum. Platinum blonde. Golden blonde. Dirty blonde. Blonde. Strawberry blonde. Ginger. Red. Auburn. Light brown. Mouse brown. Chestnut brown. Caramel brown. Chocolate brown. Dark brown. Black. Jet black. Clean shaven. Stubble. Sideburns. Moustache. Goatee. Beard. Thin eyebrows. Average eyebrows. Thick eyebrows. Plucked eyebrows.

TATTOOS/PIERCINGS

Full sleeve. Half sleeve. Forearm tattoo. Wrist tattoo. Hand tattoo(s). Ankle tattoo. Calf tattoo. Thigh tattoo. Hip tattoo. Neck tattoo. Chest tattoo. Rib tattoo(s). Back tattoo. Shoulder blade tattoo. Face tattoo(s). One tattoo. A few here and there. Multiple. No tattoos. Nose piercing. Septum. Nipple piercing(s) 👀. Genital piercing(s). Prince Albert piercing. Industrial piercing. Helix piercing. Tragus piercing. Conch piercing. Earlobe piercings. Stretched out ears. Eyebrow piercing(s). Bridge piercing. Tongue piercing(s). Monroe piercing. Angel bites. Snake bites. Labret. Navel piercing. Inverse navel piercing. Cheek piercing(s). Smiley. Nape piercing(s). No piercings.

COSMETICS

Eyeliner. Light eyeliner. Heavy eyeliner. Cat eyes. Mascara. Fake eyelashes. Light eyeshadow. Neutral eyeshadow. Smoky eyes. Colourful eyeshadow. Matte lipstick. Regular lipstick. Lipgloss. Lip liner. Lip balm. Red lips. Pink lips. Neutral lips. Dark lips. Colourful lips. Bronzer. Highlighter. Blush. Light contouring. Heavy contouring. Powder. Matte foundation. Dewy foundation. Concealer. BB cream/tinted moisturiser. Wears make-up regularly. Wears it from time to time. Rarely wears make-up.

SCENT

Floral. Herbal. Earthy. Fruity. Fresh. Perfumes. Aftershave. Cocoa. Moisturiser. Shampoo. Cigarettes. Leather. Sweat. Food. Incense. Marijuana. Cologne. Whiskey. Wine. Fried food. Blood. Fire. Metal. Rain.

CLOTHES

Jeans. Tight pants. Cigarette pants. Cargo pants. Khaki pants. Harem pants. Sweatpants. Yoga pants. Leggings. Tights. Stockings. Overknee socks. Pencil skirt. Tight skirt. Loose skirt. Ballerina skirt. Long skirt. Miniskirt. Maxidress. Sundress. T-shirt/Sweater dress. Tight/Form-fitting dress. High slit dress/skirt. Cocktail dress. Gowns. Tuxedo. Suit. Tie. Waistcoat. Sweater vest. Sweater. Hoodie. Leather jacket. Denim jacket. Bomber jacket. Parka. Peacoat. Trench coat. Cardigans. Tunic. Turtleneck. Blouse. Button up shirt. Cuban shirt. Flannel shirt. Polo shirt. Camisole. Bustier. Tube top. Crop top. Tank top. Muscle T-shirt. T-shirt. Band T-shirt. Sports T-shirt. Basketball shorts. Pleated shorts. Jean shorts. Hotpants. Bodysuit. Jumpsuit. Overalls. Corset. Nightgowns. Robes. Lingerie. Bra. Sports bra. G-string. Thong. Panties. Briefs. Boxer briefs. Boxers. Loose clothing. Tight clothing. Revealing clothing. Designer. High street. Thrift. Patterns. Florals. Polka dots. Stripes. Sequins. Cotton. Linen. Silk. Lace. Leather. Velvet. Fur/Faux fur. Light colours. Pastels. Neon colours. Bright colours. Dark colours. White. Black. Heavy armour. Medium armour. Light armour.

SHOES

Bare feet. Slippers. Sandals. Gladiator shoes. Flats. Slip-ons. Loafers. Oxfords. Sneakers. High tops. Ankle boots. Hiking boots. Combat boots. Cowboy boots. Knee-high. Platforms. Wedges. Stilettos. Chunky. Kitten heels. Slingbacks. Pumps. High Heels. Stripper heels.

; ALEKSANDR ROMANOV

BODY

Long legs. Average legs. Short legs. Slender thighs. Thick thighs. Muscular thighs. Slender arms. Soft arms. Muscular arms. Lean arms. Toned stomach. Flat stomach. Ample stomach. Soft stomach. Six-pack. Beer belly. Lean frame. Muscular frame. Beefy frame. Curvy frame. Voluptuous frame. Petite frame. Lanky frame. Short nails. Long nails. Manicured nails. Acrylic nails. Dirty nails. Small breast. Average breast. Big breast. Flat ass. Toned ass. Bubble butt. Thick ass. Small waist. Straight waist. Thick waist. Narrow hips. Average hips. Wide hips. Big feet. Average feet. Small feet. Soft feet. Slender feet. Calloused hands. Soft hands. Big hands. Average hands. Small hands. Long fingers. Average fingers. Short fingers. Narrow shoulders. Average shoulders. Broad shoulders.

HEIGHT

Shorter than 140 cm. 140-150 cm. 151 cm to 160 cm. 161 cm to 170 cm. 171 cm to 180 cm. 181 cm to 190 cm. 191 cm to 2 m. Taller than 2 m.

SKIN

Light. Tanned. Brown. Dark. Rosy. Neutral. Olive. Golden. Pallid. Blotchy. Albinism. Vitiligo. Birthmarks. Freckles. Moles. Wrinkles. Stretch marks. Scars. Burns. Acne. Smooth. Dry. Oily. Combination.

EYES

Small. Large. Average. Dark brown. Light brown. Hazel. Green. Blue. Grey. Violet. Gold. Other. Heterochromia. Doe-eyed. Close-set. Wide-set. Deep-set. Protruding. Narrow. Monolid. Almond. Round. Heavy eyelids. Upturned. Downturned.

HAIR

Thin. Thick. Fine. Average. Oily. Dry. Neutral. Soft. Shiny. Curly. Frizzy. Wild. Unruly. Smooth. Straight. Wavy. Cropped. Pixie-cut. Bob. Mullet. Mohawk. Half-shaved. Under cut. Buzz cut. Shaved. Bald. Hair extensions. Weave. Afro. Waves. Dreadlocks. Box braids. Braids. Twists. Faux locs. Jaw length. Shoulder length. Armpit length. Mid-back length. Waist length. Hip length. Past hip-length. Middle part. Side part. Blunt bangs. Curtain bangs. Wispy bangs. Short bangs. Side bangs. Dyed bangs. Ombre. Dyed. Grey. White. Platinum. Platinum blonde. Golden blonde. Dirty blonde. Blonde. Strawberry blonde. Ginger. Red. Auburn. Light brown. Mouse brown. Chestnut brown. Caramel brown. Chocolate brown. Dark brown. Black. Jet black. Clean shaven. Stubble. Sideburns. Moustache. Goatee. Beard. Thin eyebrows. Average eyebrows. Thick eyebrows. Plucked eyebrows.

TATTOOS/PIERCINGS

Full sleeve. Half sleeve. Forearm tattoo. Wrist tattoo. Hand tattoo(s). Ankle tattoo. Calf tattoo. Thigh tattoo. Hip tattoo. Neck tattoo. Chest tattoo. Rib tattoo(s). Back tattoo. Shoulder blade tattoo. Face tattoo(s). One tattoo. A few here and there. Multiple. No tattoos. Nose piercing. Septum. Nipple piercing(s). Genital piercing(s). Prince Albert piercing. Industrial piercing. Helix piercing. Tragus piercing. Conch piercing. Earlobe piercings. Stretched out ears. Eyebrow piercing(s). Bridge piercing. Tongue piercing(s). Monroe piercing. Angel bites. Snake bites. Labret. Navel piercing. Inverse navel piercing. Cheek piercing(s). Smiley. Nape piercing(s). No piercings.

COSMETICS

Eyeliner. Light eyeliner. Heavy eyeliner. Cat eyes. Mascara. Fake eyelashes. Light eyeshadow. Neutral eyeshadow. Smoky eyes. Colourful eyeshadow. Matte lipstick. Regular lipstick. Lipgloss. Lip liner. Lip balm. Red lips. Pink lips. Neutral lips. Dark lips. Colourful lips. Bronzer. Highlighter. Blush. Light contouring. Heavy contouring. Powder. Matte foundation. Dewy foundation. Concealer. BB cream/tinted moisturiser. Wears make-up regularly. Wears it from time to time. Rarely wears make-up.

my evil boy loves make up okay

SCENT

Floral. Herbal. Earthy. Fruity. Fresh. Perfumes. Aftershave. Cocoa. Moisturiser. Shampoo. Cigarettes. Leather. Sweat. Food. Incense. Marijuana. Cologne. Whiskey. Wine. Fried food. Blood. Fire. Metal. Rain.

CLOTHES

Jeans. Tight pants. Cigarette pants. Cargo pants. Khaki pants. Harem pants. Sweatpants. Yoga pants. Leggings. Tights. Stockings. Overknee socks. Pencil skirt. Tight skirt. Loose skirt. Ballerina skirt. Long skirt. Miniskirt. Maxidress. Sundress. T-shirt/Sweater dress. Tight/Form-fitting dress. High slit dress/skirt. Cocktail dress. Gowns. Tuxedo. Suit. Tie. Waistcoat. Sweater vest. Sweater. Hoodie he steals them from candy. Leather jacket also steals them from a certain someone. Denim jacket someone stop this thief. Bomber jacket. Parka. Peacoat. Trench coat. Cardigans. Tunic. Turtleneck. Blouse. Button up shirt. Cuban shirt. Flannel shirt. Polo shirt. Camisole. Bustier. Tube top. Crop top. Tank top. Muscle T-shirt. T-shirt. Band T-shirt sigh guess where he gets them from. Sports T-shirt. Basketball shorts. Pleated shorts. Jean shorts. Hotpants. Bodysuit. Jumpsuit. Overalls. Corset 👀. Nightgowns. Robes. Lingerie. Bra. Sports bra. G-string. Thong. Panties. Briefs. Boxer briefs. Boxers. Loose clothing. Tight clothing. Revealing clothing. Designer. High street. Thrift. Patterns. Florals. Polka dots. Stripes. Sequins. Cotton. Linen. Silk. Lace. Leather. Velvet. Fur/Faux fur. Light colours. Pastels. Neon colours. Bright colours. Dark colours. White. Black. Heavy armour. Medium armour. Light armour.

SHOES

Bare feet. Slippers. Sandals. Gladiator shoes. Flats. Slip-ons. Loafers. Oxfords. Sneakers. High tops. Ankle boots. Hiking boots. Combat boots. Cowboy boots. Knee-high. Platforms. Wedges. Stilettos. Chunky. Kitten heels. Slingbacks. Pumps. High Heels. Stripper heels.

#all i could think about while highliting small waist for sasha is how candy would wrap their hands around his waist AND OH MY GOD BESTIES #like either just a soft moment of comfort or how they would tug him to them by his waist and his brain would just malfunction #same sasha same oh my god #also he absolutely loves to experiment with make up and clothes outside his work and he gives zero fucks about what anyone else thinks abou #t it and he is so right #go off sasha go off #anyways i have so many thoughts here like so many #so thank you besties for tagging me in this i had lots of fun #♡: tag games #my oc: candy #my oc: aleksandr romanov

[distantsonata]

I fucked up like two pallets today and drove into a rack. so. uh. yeah I'm fucking nailing it fellas

#but then some other guy completely fucked up way more than I did #like. #it was loud when I ran into the rack #but I ran into it because my shit fell over and it spooked me and I forgot to keep turning/brake lmao #this dude... he had a HUGE pallet... like... they give him 150 item pallets #and one of them #completely fucking fell over #and I felt SO bad for him #it'd been wrapped and everything already #all I did was fuck up some cans and break a bag of salt lmao #I have a problem with going too quickly and taking turns WAY too hard #... it's fun to drive okay and it goes fast

[nomaishuttle]

prev post well i scrolled once and realized it IS a moshi monster huge win for the moshi monster artstyle recognizers of the world

#verrry exciting. i never actualy got suepr into moshi monsters (didnt know there was an online game until last year) but i had the ds game #the carnival one. n rly loved it #and i hate a katsuma plush who was legit my favorite toy id take him with me everywhere. theres even this frankly very scary book i wrote #and illustrated (bc that used 2 be my favorite thjng t do.. i would staple paper together and judt write things like i had one abt natural #disasters explainjng them bc i loveddd natural disasters basicslly) #but anywyas. i wrote one abt katsuma listing all of katsumas favorite things n stuff. katsumas favorite food was STRAWBERRIES and he loved #hide and seek #speaking od hide and seek one time i was playing hide and seek with him u see. which means i was finding places to hide him #and then pretending to find him. and atp was when we livd in my grans house #so there was a pool table downstairs. andwell. i shoved him into one of the pool table holes #so imagine my shock and horror when i pulled him out and he was absolurely covered in like..black dust. #luckily there was a bathroom in the basement (my grandpa built it it was called the loo #) so i went in there and just. run water over him #and then wrapped him in a towel. and then tried to sneak past my.mom upstairs #bc she was on the couch and inws trying to get to my room. so i wrapped katsuma in a human sized towel and like. quickly ran up the atairs #and past my mom. and she was like. looking at the comically large bundle of towels in my hands. like Everything ok. and i was lke YES. and #ran to my room. idk why i was convinced id be in trouble if she found out i .. #got a toy dirty? n tried to wash it? but it ws very funny. thats my 2 biggest katsuma memories but i loved that guy. i took him 2 the #playgrounds we went to (my mom hd a fun game wed do where we would go to a new playground and then wed rate the playground based on certain #features like what all things it had how much fun we had how long we wanted tonsray etc. so whenever we were like trying to kill time in a #new town or something like rhat wed go and she always had th clipboard on her. so we would do that :]] and i liked to take katsuma and push #katsuma on the swings and down the slides and things of that nature

[unproduciblesmackdown]

linked to this article in another post not long after it was published, but revisited it just now and we can all do so. amazing headline obviously, great pictures, charming and fun all around

#hacker mode to get this Expanded Pic...when removing the ''?crop=etc'' type part of the url i thought that like #that May yield a secret higher resolution but it also actually meant [crop] like the Square Proportions you see in the article lol #cuts off at the outer edge of the laptop & inner edge of the sink zone. great photo overall clearly ouagh #and i Get making the headline that lmao but to be sure this reveals he is distinctly Not haunted by bob fosse in his dressing room #whether figuratively like tossing & turning abt the concept of him or literally bob fosse's ghost is there (the article's re: the latter) #saying Other ppl are being haunted by bob fosse but not me & my dressing room access is a limited kind of invite anyways #and the fun of [bob fosse ghost will manifest to push you towards your mark if you're off] Specifically being what he hasn't had happen #(or anything else) & the article indeed immediately pointing out ''so maybe he's just always been perfectly on his marks'' lol #the little detective fun of first seeing will's dressing room prior via a bway.com vlog ep; spotting the Box that seemed to be labeled with #Billions & just guessing it Could be a bottle of smthing alcoholic in there & that Could be a wrap gift type of situation #then getting that precisely confirmed here lol. thanks uhh think it was david constie damian lewie and maggie siffie #yeah it was....also the fun of this One Article being the sole thing i think i've ever seen abbreviate the show title as simply ''chill'' #bmc #winston billions #will roland #remembering that mention of zojirushi water boilers lol got a water bottle from them.... #what a cute little detail making your dressing room litchreally smell like home b/c of using the same Aroma Diffusers #steph wes's flower arrangements in there up to more visual arts engagement...the photographer's eye for compositions #abbreviating her last name is just confusing lol. imagine it like ;w; Stwess. to follow previous form: steph wessie

[stepmom]

season 9 review

#there's so much i could say about this season tbh it unlocked something in my brain #it rearranged my brain chemistry and i'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing yet #first of all my man was a hot fucking MESS this season from the whole angel possession thing and the cain thing it was bad for him AND me #this season also got me to come around to cas finally after him being on the show for five seasons #and sam is starting not to bother me as much he's mellowing out and i'm enjoying that #all that being said this in my opinion is one of the weaker seasons of the ones i've seen so far #a lot like season 7 it felt like a plot that could've been fleshed out and resolved in maybe 10 to 15 episodes if that #and the writers needed to meet the 23 episode mark and they didn't really know how to stretch the plot to make that happen #and so they kind of wandered around plot wise for about 7ish episodes where in other seasons almost every filler ties back to the main plot #i could really feel the filler episodes this season the same way i felt them in s7 and although a lot more happened this season #it still could've been wrapped up a lot faster or they could've done more with the plot lines they had going #i did enjoy this season like i'm having fun watching the show it just felt a little weak in certain areas #AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE BACKDOOR PILOT EPISODE THAT WAS SOOOOOO FUCKING AWFUL #anyways my updated season ranking is 5 > 3 > 2 > 4 > 8 > 1 > 6 > 9 > 7 #walkie.talkie

[whispering-kavka]

gross/scary under the cut !

so today my dad had a house showing scheduled w/ a potential buyer and i wanted to come with him to see if there's any cool stuff my grandma had (she did and i brought some of them home ^-^ i now have a cute silver/mirror-like tray, a decorative fruit bowl and a fish pitcher!!) so he was just telling the guy about the house and i was just looking around on my own time we ended up kinda splitting, they left the upstairs as i was done with the ground floor, and went to the basement while i went upstairs and here comes the horrid part so the house has many holes in the roof meaning it's very uh. wet in there. one room (kitchen??) had a small pond forming there . but then to my horror i saw the cobwebs. there were so many of them . that on it's own wouldn't be terrible, of course spiders run wild when there's nobody around ! but they were just so . large and they were hanging from places i really wasn't used to seeing them in. that was only a bit unnerving but then i found the spiders. in total, there were only two alive daddy longlegs on the ground floor. the absurd amount of huge spider corpses were almost everywhere. and completely covered in fluffy white mold. after i noticed that fuzz i got real worried about touching any and all cobwebs because 1) GROSS 2)DANGEROUS MAYBE?

obviously mold grows on everything when the right conditions are met but like. it was really spooky seeing all those spiders like this 😰

now a smart person after witnessing that would go "huh! better leave and not come back any time soon :)" but as we all know i have about 1 braincell to my name and wanted to see what the attic looked like NEWSFLASH IDIOT IT'S ALSO FULL OF HUGE COBWEBS AND DEAD SPIDERS COVERED IN MOLD . also i managed to ram my head right into the roof while i was entering and tbh that's probably for the better because the attic was dark as hell and my phone flashlight was too weak for that darkness. but i did get a glimpse of all the same things i've screamed about before but somehow the one spider was even bigger than the others . must've had a good life there before the mold hit . but that was the moment i decided i was done with it and went downstairs only to find out that the door is fucking locked . that entire trip felt like a goddamn tma episode but thankfully the door's lock just got a bit jammed and my dad came to rescue me after i called him :')

so after being repeatedly spooked by scary mold, hitting my head hard enough to feel my teeth rattle and getting locked in, you'd think "yeah that's enough for kavvie for today :)" but you'd be WRONG because i also wanted to see the basement and [literally nothing new. more dead spiders and cobwebs.]

in conclusion, i would be perfectly fine if the spiders were alive and not consumed by the mold thank you and goodnight

#wouldn't recommend reading any of what i've just written truly #lotsa spiders in this one #and i will be coming back of course. there's loot to be had (like an ancient singer sewing machine) #and a few coats . also!!!!! my gma used to make straw hats and i did find some of those straw 'ribbons' for that exact purpose :) #anyway today sure was eventful. 1st job interview (not great but i hope they're desperate for an employee) #then this whole situation . and after that getting my mom from hospital and taking her to auntie doctor because #those fools at the hospital didn't prescribe my mom anything!!!! she was after a surgery!!! usually people get anti-clotting meds for that! #so yeah she's fine for now but she'll call her surgeon tomorrow to make sure if everything's fine #oh!! didn't happen to me but my sister was invited to a grill with her buddies :) she had fun :3 #her friends kept wrapping her in blankets because they thought she looked “cold” dkfjlskj #also on that same party were two of my former classmates?? who are apparently good pals with the host . #they somehow remembered me and also sent their regards through my sister dskjfsk #she even got pics of them! THEY LOOK NOTHING LIKE THEY DID IN GIMNAZJUM . IF I RAN INTO THEM IN THE STREET I'D FEEL SCARED #one of them is in the military now apparently . sucks to suck ig i hope he gets better #anyway PEACE ✌💥💯

[illputdownmyrootswhenimdead]

thinkin about how many times in my childhood it should have been Obvious i have Something Going On

#the top one is me at christmas with all my cousins sitting on the floor unfolding and straightening out wrapping paper #like everyone else was playing with their toys and i was just like I Would Like To Do This Small Task Only Please #baby dove making a stack of flattened neat wrapping paper like THIS is how you have fun #just like a cat playing in a box instead of the toys you bought them #also me watching the film AND special features for the wizard of oz every night for at least 3 months #and before that watching cinderella so many times i burnt through 2-3 discs #also x2 me disassembling and reassembling my lego sets regularly even the big complex ones #the routine of assembling them was soothing! #i feel like most kids have weird obsessions like that because children are weird but it was Weird 10000 for me lol #dove talks #remembering a time another homeschool mom assumed i was autistic and started talking to my mom about it lmao #she was like oh my son is autistic as well! he does the same things your kid does! #and my mom got. incredibly bothered by it but it was so funny #baby me was so intensely neurodivergent that people just kind of assumed i had to have Something #part of that 100% came from being extra isolated and therefore incredibly strange ngl #anyway back to sleep. was briefly awake for a snack you know how it is

[gallusrostromegalus]

I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.

-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a

~*Spiritual Experience*~

I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.

Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.

He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only BARELY enough space for the fireworks and certainly none for his truck.

So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand. This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.

He begins, and this is crucial to what happens next, by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it unsecured on his lawn.

Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.

His process for unloading the fireworks is to 1. Climb up through the gate into the bed of his pickup truck (a feat made unusually difficult due to the slope of his driveway, and this man's fascinating decision to wear the world's Siffest and least Flexible Denim Overalls. 2. Once in the pickup bed, he selects ONE (1) box from the pile He is apparently from a niche religious institution that doesn't believe in stacking things. 3. Carries it awkwardly around the palette that barely fits in the truck bed 4. His wife yells "Be careful!" when he nearly falls out of the pickup. 5. He Yells "SHADDUP!" back at her. 6. The Large German Shepherd barks from inside the house. 7. He yells "SHADDUP!" back at her too. 8. He sets the (1) box down on the gate 9. Slowly and awkwardly climbs out of the pickup bed 10. picks the box back up, and carries it into the garage.

Question: Aren't you going to help this poor man? Answer: Absolutely Not.

There's four military veterans, MANY dogs, and several people with dementia in this neighborhood, all of whom are terrified by this chicanery every year and many neighbors have repeatedly asked him to maybe do the fireworks somewhere else. (This is the Eighth Year Running he's held a major demolition event in his driveway, and for those of you who can do math, you may be able to guess the precipitating incident to this little ritual) Additionally, I live in Colorado, a state marginally less prone to spontaneous and catastrophic conflagrations than a rotting grain silo, but only marginally. Our recreational explosives laws are written accordingly.

I am in fact calling the Non Emergency line to report Fireworks violations, and reading off the brand labels to someone named Dorothy, who is gleefully totaling up a SPECTACULAR fine for my oblivious neighbor.

However, while I'm on the phone with Dorothy, I notice the wind begin to pick up. and by "Notice" I mean "The Industrial Saran Wrap he left on his Lawn earlier is suddenly swept up about 100 feet into the air by an updraft intense enough to make my ears pop" And by "Pick Up" I mean "I look up to see the sky has turned a fun and exciting shade of glass green, and the bottoms of the clouds are bumpy and rounded, and the overall effect is not unlike looking up through the bottom of the cup at God's Matcha Boba Tea."

For those of you who do not live in places with Inclement Weather, these conditions mean "You have about 30 seconds before a Major Meteorological Event Occurs."

I move under the eaves. "Hang on Dorothy." I say, nose filling with Petrichor. "The show is about to be cancelled." "Oh, that doesn't matter!" Dorothy cheerfully informs me. "It's illegal for him just to possess those, no matter if he actually gets to set them off or not." "Terrific, because he's gotten maybe five boxes out of a hundred inside."

Sometimes, the weather gods are Merciful and give you a verbal warning, typically in the kind of thunderclap that makes your ears ring.

The Gods were not merciful today.

It's not often that I am in the time, place, correct angle or in a properly observational frame of mind to see this, But I got to see it today. Huh. I thought. I've never seen a cloud just DIVE for the ground before. Oh. I realized as it got closer. That's RAIN.

Sometimes, a thunderstorm will form in such a way that the rain that would normally be distributed over an area of say, five to tent square miles, is instead concentrated into an area of say, my neighborhood exactly.

So today, I was granted the rare privilege of being able to actually see the literal wall of water descend from On High and DIRECTLY onto my porch, my street, and my neighbor's truck, and his pile of unwrapped fireworks.

The sheer impact force of the downpour immediately scatters the teetering pile of fireworks boxes in the back of the truck, like the wrath of God striking down the tower of Babel. Boxes tumble, then are washed out of the bed of the truck by the deluge. Smaller Boxes are carried down the road in a little line by the stream forming in the gutter, like little impotent explosive ducklings.

My neighbor was definitely yelling something, but I could not hear what over the DEAFENING noise several million gallons of water makes upon high-speed contact with the earth's surface, but there was a lot of arm-waving and faces turning red as he went looking for the saran wrap that had probably blown to Nebraska by now, while his wife started disassembling the complex three-dimensional puzzle of interlocking material goods in search of a tarp. They do not have a tarp. They have one of those wretched Thin Blue Line flags though, and my neighbor jogs out in a futile effort to cover what's left in the truck.

Which is when the hail begins.

"HELLO?" Yelled Dorothy. "HI!" I shouted. "WE'RE HAVING SOME WEATHER!" "OH GOOD!" she shouts back. "WE NEED THE MOISTURE!"

I watch for a minute longer, but the loss was immediate and catastrophic- the hail is the size of marbles and dense and cares not for your pitiful cardboard and cellophane, ripping the boxes asunder and punching holes in the few things covered in plastic. The colors on the Thin Blue Line Flag are seeping all over the remains of that it was supposed to protect in a particularly apt visual metaphor. Not even the few boxes that made it into the garage are spared, as the German Shepherd escapes from indoors, and in an attempt to assist her humans, jumps directly into the small stack of not-yet-ruined boxes, scattering them into the driveway and deluge. She even picks one up so her humans will chase her around the yard, before dropping it in the gutter to be swept away.

So. I was raised Agnostic -but even I can recognize when God slaps someone upside the head and shouts "NO!" at them.

---

(If you laughed, please consider supporting my Ko-fi or preordering my book of Strange Stories on Patreon)

#Family Lore #Long Post #Local Man Experiences Local Weather

[felinebadsign]

happy one year anniversary to the waterparks induced hellscape in my brain

#i feel like i went through all the stages of grief in a year and the horrors persist #my spotify wrapped? a testament to insanity #one year later i finally saw them live too and can say i had fun #please go back to writing lyrics like entertainment though. please. give me sleep alone flavor #banging my head on the wall ripping my hair out screaming crying #thanks boo boo bear geoff and otter woods #i can and will see you again just tweak the setlist a little and stop getting into dumb twitter shenanigans #do other people like bands like this. is this normal to have such a love hate relationship #oh! the misery #and ANOTHER thing i cannot believe he doesnt write shit like new wave anymore. go back for an album

[altruisticalastor]

↳˗ˏˋAlastor x Readerˊˎ˗ ↴

☒ Summary: Alastor rarely lost control of his shadows. It only happened when he was deep in thought planning his next broadcast. Or when he was sleeping. But those moments were few and far between. Though when he did, one shadow, in particular, always came to your side.

☒ Warnings: fem!reader, she/her pronouns, smut, fingering, dubious consent from alastor's shadow, but consent from alastor himself, established relationship, slight misunderstandings, groping, making out, first time together, oral (reader receiving), breeding kink, praise, slight teasing, begging, squirting, alastor has a knot, soft aftercare, alastor's ears are his weak spot, reader holds onto alastor's antlers while they...ykyk

☒ Word Count: 3,756

Alastor rarely lost control of his shadows. It only happened when he was deep in thought planning his next broadcast. Or when he was sleeping. But those moments were few and far between. Though when he did, one shadow, in particular, always came to your side. 

The dark silhouette was playful. You couldn’t help but giggle when the shadow would dance along the wall, morphing into silly shapes. Or when the silhouette would play with the bubbles while you took a relaxing bath. You were pleasantly shocked when the shadow slipped into the tub with you, cupping some bubbles in its palm and forming a soapy beard around your jaw. 

It was harmless fun. You never mentioned it to Alastor because you figured he sent the shadows of his own volition. Your partner had trouble with physical intimacy, so you assumed Alastor was testing the waters with his shadowy counterpart. Little did you know, that was far from the truth. 

In some ways, Alastor’s shadows had a mind of their own. They reflected his deepest desires and emotions. So, when he didn’t keep them in check, it only made sense that one of his shadows would find its way to you. Alastor simply adored you but he only showed you tenderness behind closed doors. Not wanting his reputation to be tarnished- or for you to get caught in the crossfire of any turf wars. So, the attention you were getting from his dark silhouette was more than welcome. 

Over time, things became more… perverse. You had just gotten out of your bath, dressing yourself in your comfiest nightgown, when the shadow made its presence known. You jumped slightly when the void arms wrapped around your waist from where it towered behind you. The shadow nuzzled its face into the crook of your neck, breathing heavily against your nape. A shudder ran through you as your partner's silhouette pulled your back flush against its chest. 

“This is… different,” You chuckled playfully, placing your hands over the shadow's hands that rested atop your abdomen. Slowly, they began moving down. Your breath hitched when the shadow of sharp nails raked up the tops of your thighs tauntingly, inching higher under your nightgown. Your hands came up to clasp around your mouth, failing miserably at muffling your sinful sounds. The shadow’s hand cupped your panty-clad core, caressing you in a teasing fashion. A moan of your lover's name slipped past your lips as the silhouette became more brazen. It dipped a hand underneath the waistband of your panties before slowly running a deft finger through your slick folds. 

Alastor and you have never done anything sexual. Sure, you shared kisses and warm embraces, but never anything further. You had desires for Alastor in that way, but you never wanted to put him in a position where he would feel uncomfortable. You knew touch was quite challenging for your lover, so respecting his wishes was your top priority. Whenever you got needy, you took care of yourself, plain and simple. But having Alastor’s shadow feel you up so sensually, going so far as to gather the embarrassing amount of slick that pooled in your core with its wicked digit was more than a surprise for you. It felt amazing, better than you pictured. You only wished it was Alastor in the flesh instead of his shadow. But if this was what he was comfortable with until then, you weren’t complaining. 

Sultry whines of yours were muffled by your palm as the shadow dipped a finger into your welcoming heat. You clenched tightly from the sudden intrusion, the pleasure rushing straight to your head. Your eyes rolled back into your skull as the shadow added a second finger, pumping into you slowly. The tantalizing drag of its fingers from deep within your pussy made your legs shake wildly. You still couldn’t believe this was happening, but you were too scared to pinch yourself if this was a dream; because it was certainly one you didn’t want to wake from. 

From atop the radio tower, Alastor was fretting over the fine details for his next broadcast. His eyebrows were threaded in concentration as he typed away at his typewriter, tearing page after page and starting anew. None of what he was coming up with was up to par. It needed to be perfect. Amid all the stress and frustration, his devilish shadow slipped away from him. It sensed that Alastor needed comfort, and you were always his solace. The shadow also picked up on another urge that Alastor had as a cause of all his frustrations; a need for release. 

That’s when the shadow snuck into your and Alastor’s shared room, hence the predicament you’re currently in. But little did you know, Alastor wasn’t immune to his own shadow’s ministrations. Abruptly, Alastor doubled over. Warmth spread through his lower abdomen as he felt all the blood in his body rush south. Alastor’s eyebrows shot up in shock, eyes blown wide as he looked down into his lap. “What just happened..?” Alastor asked himself. His voice fell flat from his usually staticky tone, utterly dumbfounded as to why his body began to betray him. The heat in his belly grew, as did the ache in his groin. Alastor’s face flushed a deep crimson, complimenting his hair nicely as his breaths became labored. “F-Fuck…” He scored his bottom lip with his teeth, drawing blood as his cock twitched with need beneath his pants. Alastor’s nails dug deep into his desk, leaving deep scratch marks as his hips jolted up involuntarily. The need for release was almost painful, and he craved any sort of friction he could get at that moment. 

Alastor took in a shaky breath, attempting to regain his composure. His mind was reeling, but he tried to focus. That’s when he noticed, his shadows went astray. “I rather hate when this happens,” Alastor spat through gritted teeth. He swallowed thickly before standing on shaky legs. He took one last breath before storming out of his radio tower. The need for release was suppressed momentarily as the desire to punish those pesky shadows outweighed. 

As for you, the shadow continued its teasing pace. Each time you got close to the edge the shadow would stop entirely. Dragging out your much-needed orgasm and causing you to feel more desperate than ever. You craved release more than anything. Your mind was fuzzy, all you could focus on was the pleasure Alastor's shadow granted you. The only thing holding you up was one of the shadow's slender arms wrapped around your midsection. If not for that, your shaky legs surely would have given out by now.

Before your mind could catch up, the bedroom door slammed open. In an instant, the shadow that had been toying with you was gone. You dropped to the floor, eyes flickering open to comprehend what had happened. That's when your gaze fell upon Alastor. Embarrassment coursed through your veins at the sight of your lover. "A-Alastor..." Your voice was hoarse from all the whines that slipped past your lips only moments ago. 

Alastor ushered to your side immediately. His gaze was full of worry as you watched a bead of sweat cascade down his forehead. "Oh dear, this certainly wasn't what I expected my shadow to be up to," He trailed off, the static in his voice laced with shame. Alastor grasped your hands in his before tugging you up off the floor. Your legs were still uneasy as you placed your hands atop your lover's shoulders to stabilize yourself. 

"Wait... don't tell me you... didn't know?" Your bottom lip quivered as you avoided Alastor's intense gaze. You felt the tears well up in your eyes before he grasped your chin, forcing you to look at him. His other hand sat firmly on your hip, not wanting you to lose your footing. "My darling, I am so... please, forgive me for this vulgar display presented by my shadow. I had no clue that it was tormenting you until... my body became receptive. But not to worry, that wretched shadow will be punished."

The tears fell freely down your cheeks at his words. In a way, you felt rejected by your lover, and you felt stupid for even thinking he desired you in that way. How pathetic, you thought. Alastor wiped away your tears with the pad of his thumb. His heart ached in his chest upon seeing you in such a fragile state. "How laughable, I really thought this was intentional. Ah, I feel so embarssed... I think I should be the one apologizing, Al," You sniffled, dropping your hands down to your sides, putting a bit of distance between Alastor and yourself.

His expression turned into one of perplexity until it all clicked in his mind. Alastor felt a knot in his stomach. His darling felt rejected by him because she assumed her desires weren't reciprocated. Little did you know, his shadows mirrored his deepest needs. So, your assumption couldn't have been further from the truth. Ah, just what was he to do to mend this?

"Nonsense, dearest. You don't need to be sorry for a single thing. Please, don't feel ashamed. The reason I apologized was because I assumed my shadow forced itself onto you. But to my better understanding, you enjoyed the pleasure it gave you," Alastor's voice deepened. Voice crackling with that signature radio static. His crimson gaze raked over your frame. He felt heat swirl within his lower abdomen once more at the sight of your disheveled state. 

Your panties were pooling at your ankles, and the flimsy straps of your nightgown draped down your shoulders. Alastor didn't fail to notice the slick trailing down your inner thighs, nor the way your legs shook with need. "I really enjoyed it, Al..." You sniffled, a small frown painting your features. Alastor's grip around your waist tightened as the hand caressing your cheek began to trail lower. "Oh my little doe, the feeling is mutual," Alstor whispered, grasping your wrist before guiding your palm to the front of his trousers. A gasp slipped past your lips at the feeling of your lover's hard cock straining against his pants. "You see, my shadows share the same desires as I. They are a part of me, after all," He continued, large palm dwarfing the back of your hand as he pressed you further into his crotch. 

Alastor let out a strangled groan at the much-needed friction, and the sound alone had you dripping with need. "What made you think I wouldn't want to absolutely ravish you? You truly believe fucking you hasn't crossed my mind countless times, hm?" You bit your lip at his words, squeezing your thighs together. Alastor let out a low chuckle, and before you could process it, he ushered you both to the bed. A breath escaped you as your back hit the mattress. In no time, Alastor was crawling on top of you, his slender thighs caging you underneath him. He dipped his face low, nose nearly brushing against yours. "Well, use your words, darling." 

Your heart was pounding against your ribcage as you gazed into his frenzied gaze. His eyes were half-lidded, the corners of his lips twitching slightly. "N-No! I... I just thought that-" Alastor brought a finger to your lips, shushing you softly. "You thought wrong, my dearest. This isn't quite what I had in mind for our first time, but alas," Alastor's large palms trailed down your body. He pushed your thighs apart with ease, slotting himself between them. A gasp escaped your lips at the feeling of his clothed erection pressing deeply into your exposed pussy. You were sure you had left a wet patch at the front of his pants from his gesture, but you couldn't care less. 

Alastor's gaze never once left yours. He drank up your expressions. The way your lips parted as another whimper escaped your throat was simply adorable to him. Alastor pushed your nightgown higher up your thighs and over your torso before skillfully ridding you of the garment entirely. "My, my... you are quite a sight for sore eyes. I could just eat you up," He inched his way down the bed, still gazing into your eyes as he laid flat on his stomach from beneath your legs. Alastor hooked your thighs over his shoulders, nipping and licking at the sensitive flesh. Pulling moans from your lips and causing you to drip even more with need. His sinful tongue wasted no time delving into your folds. A deep groan escaped Alastor's throat as he tasted you for the very first time. You were absolutely divine, his new favorite flavor.

Alastor dipped his wicked tongue into your needy hole, lapping up all of your slick before trailing higher. The moment his tongue teased at your clit, you were thrashing with pleasure. Without thinking, your hands flickered to the top of Alastor's head. Your fingers wrapped around his growing antlers, holding onto them for dear life as your lover devoured you. He moaned against your clit, the vibrations making your eyes roll back into your head. The pleasure he was granting you was heavenly; ironically so. You were close, and you craved release more than anything. The moment Alastor wrapped his lips around your clit, giving your nub a strong suck, you were done for. Your orgasm crashed over you, the pleasure reaching its peak as your thighs tightened around your lover's head. "A-Alastor!" Your vision went fuzzy as he worked you through your high, only pulling back when he felt your thighs relax. 

As you caught your breath, Alastor knelt between your legs. He swiftly undid his belt before tugging his trousers low enough down his thighs for his cock to spring free. "You see what you do to me, my dearest? You make me lose my composure, so you're going to have to take responsibility." He quipped, gazing down at you like you were his prey. The sight of his throbbing cock made you clench around nothing. You needed him inside you more than you needed air. Your mind was so fuzzy as you nodded your head in agreement, sitting up slightly to grasp your lover's cock at the base. Alastor let out a low moan as you leisurely stroked him. "I take full responsibility, I promise I'll make it up to you," You babbled, wrapping your free hand around the back of Alastor's neck, successfully pulling him on top of you. Your hand that grasped his length lined the ruddy tip of his cock up to your entrance. Alastor's breath hitched before he whispered, "Oh I know you will, my good girl." 

With that, Alastor pushed his hips forward. Slowly, he sunk into you inch by inch. "F-Fuck... you are squeezing me so tightly..." The stretch was delightful, your lover filled you perfectly. It's like you were made for one another. The moment his balls came flush against the underside of your pussy, you let out a breath you weren't even aware you were holding onto. Alastor's gaze held so much fondness for you, that it made your heart flutter. "Such a sweet little thing, taking me to the hilt with ease. You're mine, all mine." Alastor proclaimed before capturing your lips with his for the first time tonight. He poured all his emotions into the embrace, and your eyes fluttered shut as your hands came up to card through his two-toned locks. Alastor's tongue swiped along your bottom lip, asking permission to deepen the kiss. Without a second thought, you allowed him to invade your mouth. You whined against his lips as your fingers found his ears. You felt Alastor's cock twitch wildly from where he was nestled deep inside your warm wet heat. His head shot back in pleasure, breaking away from the kiss as your fingernails grazed the base of his ears. 

The moan he let out was obscene, making your walls flutter around his length. Alastor's gaze darkened tremendously when his eyes met yours again. "I hope you know I won't be holding back after that, my darling. It seems as though my self-control went amiss," He paused, delivering a quick but shallow thrust. A moan was ripped from you as Alastor ground his pelvis into yours, keeping himself deep inside you. "But you're such a sweet little thing, you can take it. Right, my darling?" Alastor quipped, still grinding his hips into yours. Your breath was labored as you tried to regain some semblance of composure. Just enough to answer your lover. "Y-Yes! I can take it- I promise!" You blurted out desperately as you pushed your hips into his, solidifying your words. Alastor let out a half chuckle half moan. It crackled deep within his chest before he brought his face to yours, lips ghosting over one another. "Good girl." With that, Alastor began fucking into you with reckless abandon. His hips pistoned into you hard and quick as deep grunts and groans slipped out of him. You held onto his antlers once more as your lover fucked you senseless.

With each drag of his hips, the tip of his cock prodded at your sweet spot. You were seeing stars. Alastor's hands began to wander as his pace quickened, and your back arched as he tweaked your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Your pussy tightened around him like a vise as he toyed with your other nipple. His crimson gaze memorized every reaction you had, making his head spin. Alastor's hands quickly came down to your thighs, pushing them up toward your chest. He shuddered as his cock reached deeper inside you than ever before. You were an absolute mess underneath him, but you took Alastor's rough treatment nicely. Just as you promised. "My, my! You're making quite a mess of our sheets darling. My pants are practically soaked with your arousal too! How naughty, I didn't know my darling was this desperate for my cock." His teasing only pushed you closer to your next release, and he knew it. Alastor could fucking feel it. Experimentally, he brought the pad of his thumb down to your clit. Your breath hitched as he began circling your puffy nub. His pace inside you was brutal, but his movements against your clit were painfully slow, making your legs shake wildly from the conflicting sensations. 

"Please, please, please!" You begged, tightening your grasp around his antlers as you pushed your hips into his, meeting his ruthless thrusts halfway. Alastor let out a dark chuckle. The static crackle rang through your ears as he began circling your clit faster. "Please? Please, what, darling?" He teased, slowing his hips slightly so you could get your words out. You let out a small whimper before blurting out, "Please, my love- can I cum? I wanna cum on your cock!" A flush spread to Alastor's cheeks, all the way down his neck from your words. How vulgar, he thought. His cock twitched wildly from within your inviting walls as he fucked into you with vigor, balls slapping against the underside of your pussy, causing lewd sounds to fill the room. "So filthy, my doe. Cum then. Let me feel you try to milk me for all I'm worth." His words were all you needed to cause the coil from deep within your tummy to snap. A throaty whine escaped you as you thrashed wildly against the sheets. Your legs twitched as you came all over your lover's cock. But this orgasm felt different than any other you had before. Your eyes shot down to where Alastor and yourself were connected, and that's when you noticed it. You were squirting. Alastor's eyes widened in shock, the sight of you cumming harshly underneath him pushed him impossibly close to his own release. You hardly had a moment to recover from your orgasm when you felt Alastor swelling from deep inside you. 

"You're going to take my seed like the good little doe you are. I'm going to breed you, mark you so no one ever dares to take what's mine." Alastor manically babbled. The possessive side of him always got you all hot and bothered. With each passing thrust, his knot swelled more and more until he could barely move from deep inside you. Alastor let out a strangled moan as he stilled, finally releasing his load deep within your cunt. You whimpered at the feeling of being filled up by your lover. There was so much. Each twitch of his cock pumped another thick load of cum inside your greedy heat. Alastor must have really been pent up, you thought. He gritted his teeth as the last of his load spilled into you. Alastor collapsed on top of you as his knot began to deflate, and his cock softened inside you. "Alastor... that was amazing." You chuckled breathlessly as your lover slipped out of your warmth. He rolled off of you before standing beside the bed. You watched as he rid himself of the rest of his clothing before he scooped you up into his arms bridal style. "You are perfection, my dear! I'm delighted to know I was able to satisfy your deepest desires." 

Your arms tightened around the back of his neck as Alastor made quick strides toward your private bathroom. He placed you atop the sink countertop before turning to fill the tub. "I didn't know that you, uh-" Heat rushed to your face as you tried to find the words, suddenly feeling rather bashful. Alastor finished adding the bubbles before turning to face you once more. He slotted himself between your parted thighs from where you sat atop the sink countertop, giving you a teasing look as his hands rubbed your sides. "That I...? What, darling?" He knew what you were trying to say, but he wanted to hear you say it for himself. You puffed out your cheeks as you wrapped your arms around his slender neck, pulling him in for a chaste kiss. Alastor chuckled against your lips before you blurted out, "I didn't know that you- had a... that you could knot... me." You let out a gasp as Alastor picked you up once more. Slowly lowering you into the tub before joining you. "Oh, my darling, there are many things you don't know about me! Maybe next time you'll get to experience more of my... surprises." 

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