#Halsin loves Astarion like a Hozier song

[astarionsilverbough]

Whenever Astarion gets angry with Halsin - properly, truly upset - the former archdruid will crowd close to the vampire instead of moving away.

Most think Astarion needs space to be furious.

Most people don’t know him the way Halsin does.

Because were Halsin to give him space, Astarion would internalize his own anger as wrong, as a slight against Halsin despite it being entirely warranted. He would assume Halsin was punishing him for feeling - and Halsin knows this because it’s how it has always been.

Astarion Ancunin has never been encouraged to feel.

So Halsin crowds close when he tastes the sharp tang of Astarion’s anger and revels in the sting of it when Astarion’s nose furls in an elegant snarl.

Astarion has never been encouraged to feel, so when he does, it comes like a storm. He is the most brilliant tempest Halsin has ever withstood.

“I am quite capable of speaking for myself,” the vampire says viciously as Halsin closes in, “did you think - did you seriously think! I would even entertain the thought of copulating with that, that foul, hideous beast?”

“No,” Halsin says lowly, earnestly, “I trust you - and I told you, you do not belong to anyone but yourself. I was -“

“You do?” Astarion looks like he’s been willingly disarmed. “You trust me? To - you know. You have to know.”

Halsin cups the vampire’s chin. “I know only what you tell me,” he says gently. “I’ve assumed too much in my lifetime and been proven the fool - I refuse to be foolish with you any longer.”

Astarion’s jaw drops. Halsin understands - he does - that Astarion has never been treated gently, or with much dignity. But -

“You can’t think that extraordinary,” Halsin says with a huff.

“I think everything about you is extraordinary,” Astarion says. It’s heartbreakingly soft. “And your company is the only company I yearn for at night. I can handle lecherous fools, Halsin - I’ve been fending off suitors since I was eighteen, I assure you I am an apt hand at it.”

“It was not that,” Halsin says, gently pushing Astarion’s upper lip up so he can thumb at a fang. Astarion’s eyes go hazy, lidded. “He spoke with disrespect and it angered me. I know you can handle yourself, lover, but Oak Father preserve me - I wanted to rip his throat out.”

“Oh,” Astarion purrs, smiling a bit to reveal more fang. Halsin’s stomach clenches and his cock stirs. “Well, then. Don’t hold yourself back on my account.”

“I won’t,” Halsin says wryly. “Clearly.”

Astarion steps close then, pouting as he kisses at Halsin’s thumb. “I’m sorry I got so upset, darling,” he coos. “Can you forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive,” Halsin murmurs, utterly fixated on the way Astarion’s mouth melts against the hard line of his thumb. The vampire kisses slowly down the heel of his palm, sunset eyes lingering on Halsin’s face.

“Let’s pretend there is,” Astarion simpers, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Astarion Ancunin has never been given the space to feel. Halsin would give him the world to do so even if the reward for it was a brutal ruin. Such as it is, Astarion Ancunin is not just the scorch of a vengeful sun but the gentle warmth of the first rays of spring.

And in that warmth, deliverance.

#the land of gods and monsters verse #baldur’s gate 3 #halstarion #astarion #halsin #rambles #Halsin loves Astarion like a Hozier song

[secret-smut-sideblog]

Distances Melded (Part 5)

18+ implied drug use (Tav smoking the slutweed babey), edging, restraint, merciless teasing, oral (m!), p-in-v, sub/dom if you squint, tenderness

Astarion X F! Plus Sized Tav

listening to: Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier, We're In Love - boygenius

-

He was discovering more and more surprises about his lover.

One late night, after a particularly dreary and painfully boring quest Halsin made a rather interesting offer.

"It'll help us.. relax. Feel more in tune with the world, you know."

"Relaxing herbs..." Shadowheart said, her tone dubious.

"Drugs, yes." Lae'zel said flatly.

"Thank you, Lae'zel."

"Well, I'm going to bed."

"No one asked, Gale."

Halsin began packing his pipe, unbothered. "Well I'll be partaking, if any of you feel like joining in dont be afraid to-"

"I'll have some, sure."

Everyone looked at Tav with shock.

"What? I'm not allowed to unwind?" She raised her eyebrows playfully, sending a wink to Astarion.

"Our fearless leader? Imbibing in substances?Well, well, well..." She wiggled her eyebrows at him with a wide smile. Gods he adored her.

Within an hour those who had stayed were all laying around the fire like house cats. Seems they weren't so resistant after all, Astarion thought, unimpressed.

He found Tav particularly.. distracting. The herbs had made her languid and sensual. Stretching her lower back, arms out in front of her. That delectable line of her hip creasing, the roundness of her ass on full display. She leaned back and flopped over into his lap.

The others were too busy with their own experience to notice her but it almost made him blush.

She stared up at him, a relaxed smile splitting her face. "Hey there, lovely." Reaching up to play with the ties of his tunic.

"And how are you feeling?" He said, smirking. His hand unconsciously trailing through her hair.

She pushed into his hand. A small moan leaving her at his touch.

"Good, really good." She purred, pulling his hand to her mouth, nipping at it a bit. Giving him a mischievous smile. Gods she would be the death of him.

She threw her hands above her head and stretched again, arching her back deliciously over him. Letting out a little relaxed whine.

"Darling, you seem rather tired." He coaxed, mouth dry. "Would you like to retire to my quarters? You can use my tent for the night."

"Oh can I?" She said eyes sliding over to him, arms still above her head, bringing her legs up into a cheeky curl. Teasing him. "That's awfully nice of you." Her eyes lidding, a cat with a saucer of milk.

He had never seen her so haughty and it was making him crazy. "You little viper," He said so low that only she could hear. She bit her lip at him, smiling.

He stood up, quicker than he meant to, taking her hand and leading her away. She practically skipped behind him, giggling. "Uh-oh.. I'm in trouble~" She sing-songed.

He only made it as far as a distant tree until he was pushing her against the bark. She moaned into his mouth.

Looping both of her legs around his thighs she pulled, forcing him off balance to press his hips into her.

"Oh you've got tricks, do you?" He said low into her ear, heard her giggle and took the chance to nip at his lobe. He groaned, Gods how did she know his weaknesses already.

She took his chin in her hand, immobilizing him as her mouth was still trained on his ear. Pushed her hand up his shirt, brushing her fingers over his nipples. He whined, trying not to grind into her. Fuck.

She pulled back, a wicked smile on her lips. Her eyes lidded and knowing only made him feel hazier.

She moved her thumb to his lips, still holding his chin in the same hand. Slowly drug it back and forth across his bottom lip, asking for entrance. He opened his mouth and she slid it in, dragging it hard along his fang. Drawing blood.

He moaned, tongue working. Already lapping up the rivulets that poured out. Her heady taste overwhelming.

She cocked her head to the side, a satisfied smile on her flushed face. "So hungry," She breathed.

Her thumb still in his mouth she snaked her hand down his front, her hand palming him over his clothes.

His eyes hitched back in his head, could already feel himself straining hard. The realization that they were still out in the open only making it worse.

Her mouth found his neck, nipping and licking. Her hand moving so slowly, sliding up and down his length over his leathers, applying pressure.

Strong legs still hooked around his he had nowhere to go, he was at her mercy. The realization making him shiver, bracing his forearms next to her head against the tree.

Blind with lust he began grinding into her hand. She pulled away in response and he resisted whining. Her fingers slipping teasingly along the inside lining of his leathers, the backs caressing the sensitive skin there.

He didnt know how much more of her heavenly torture he could take.

She pulled her thumb out of his mouth with a wet pop, hand resting on his clavicle. Still teasing the sensitive skin of his pelvis. Fingers oh so gently wrapping around his throat.

"Astarion," She said, as if in thought. "I've realized that I've been the only one to have gotten off between us."

"Have you now?" He tried for suave but he couldn't hide the pant in his voice.

That cat smile. "Would you want me to rectify that, my perfect Star?" She said low in his ear. He felt her hand loosen, her legs released him slightly. An offer to stop.

He was on fire, pushing her hands above her head, holding them there in one hand. She smiled and squirmed beneath him cheekily.

"Not here," He breathed, hot with need.

In one motion he leaned down and caught her waist on his shoulder, flipping her onto his back. Her wrists still trapped in his hand. She squealed in delight as he braced her waist with the other.

He walked as fast as his long legs would take them, pushing open the entrance to his tent.

"In such a rush, are we?" She admonished, hot into his ear. The herbs were making her so much more vocal and it was making him wild.

"My sweet, you're playing with fire," He warned, she shook her ass in response. Incorrigible.

He threw her down on the cushions on his bedroll, pulling his tunic off. Her hand drifted under her own, pulling it up just high enough that he could see the underside of her breasts. Her other hand slipping into her leggings, the outline of her fingers working.

"Tell me what you want." She whispered.

He crawled down to her, kissing on the exposed skin of her stomach. He never got used to her considering of him, what he desired. Through the thick haze of his lust he felt his heart flutter.

"I.. need to be inside you, sweet girl." He murmured into her skin, surprising himself. Gaining in his sureness, "I've waited for you. For this."

He saw her eyes soften, pulling his face up to hers. "If it becomes too much I want us to stop, okay? You'll tell me?" She whispered to him.

He nodded, kissing her deeply. She sighed into the kiss, leg hooking around him. Pulling him up to her. His hand slid over her mound, thumb making lazy circles. Her breath hitched and she reached for the ties in his leathers, her need rising again.

She held onto them as if to untie, then pushed his hips causing him to fall back, knees bent. Right into her trap. He gasped and his breath hitched into a groan as her hand quickly slid inside his trousers. Mouth meeting his stomach, licking hungry strokes up the lines of his hips. He shivered and threw his head back, already feeling the wetness of precum in his small clothes.

He was not going to last long at this rate.

His hands made quick work of the ties and he was blissfully free. She smiled at the length of him, finger trailing up the vein he already knew was throbbing.

With no warning she took him entirely into her mouth, tongue working. He gasped and braced himself against her shoulder, gripping hard. One hand behind him, barely holding him up.

She was making lewd sounds, groaning and slurping. He thought he was going to go mad.

Oh Gods he was already close. She pulled back as if sensing this and shimmied down her leggings. He pulled them the rest of the way off with more force than he intended. "What a gentleman," She purred.

The words made his head spin. He pulled her onto his lap, sitting in a kneeling position. She looped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him deeply, sliding her core back and forth against him. He gripped her thighs and helped her onto him, letting her weight down slowly. She hissed out a moan into his ear as he filled her. Her body adjusting to him. He groaned, his eyes rolling slightly at the molten pressure around him.

They stayed still for a moment, their joined breathing. Then she planted her feet.

Slowly she rose and fell, rolling her hips.

He looped an arm around her back, pulling her closer. Nuzzling his mouth into the crook of her neck, silencing himself there. Her smell intoxicating.

She leaned her head back as she rode him, all slick inside her. She felt like velvet, like heaven, his eyelids fluttering as she picked up speed.

Tight breaths left his lips as his undoing approached, eyes screwing shut in concentration. She smiled diabolically, grinding down harder. Suddenly grabbed a fistful of his hair, pulling his head back taut. Her voice low in his ear as he gasped raggedly.

"I want you to come. Now."

Blinding white light behind his eyes. Gripping onto her back he strangled out a cry, her hips still rising and falling into him. Shaking and whimpering, his face crumpled in near painful ecstasy.

She held her wrist to his mouth and eyes wide, he sank into her. The blood bringing him to new heights. Uncontrolled he bucked his hips, her wrist flesh muffling the high moan that left him. Mercifully her hips started to slow, the overstimulation making his eyes water.

She smiled fondly at him, straddling him. Still buried inside her as he drank. The spreading warmth of her blood mixed with his comedown, a delicious exhaustion overtaking him.

He fell back, hand holding her wrist to his mouth. She came down with him, laying on her side. Her free hand drawing designs on his stomach as he licked at the wound. "How do you feel?" She whispered.

He looked over at her, eyes wide. "I cant even begin to describe it." He panted. "You've killed me, blessed me. Thank you, thank you." He turned and buried his face into her neck, holding her tightly. His body still trembling.

She smiled, wrapping herself around him. Planting kisses all down the side of his neck.

Laying in the gentle haze of morning, Astarion looked over his lover.

Adored how she slept, all limbs and abandon. Flat on her back, still bare to him she breathed low and steady. He had been melded into her blissfully but had pulled back. Taking an indulgent moment to fully take her in, the wild beauty of her.

The hooked curve of her nose, the elegant slant to her eyes, the height of her cheekbones. The waves and waves of her ebony hair. So thick, she always complained, pulling it away from her overheated neck. Lips dark and flushed, the way they would purse when she was trying to hold back a smile.

She was of the heavens, of the sweet dark.

In the growing light his eyes drank her, words failing him. Knew no words would be enough. Scooped her up into his lap and held her as close as he could.

~

Part 6

#remember when i said my Tav was a top. smiles #she said is anyone gonna fuck this man's brains out and didnt wait for an answer #astarion x plus sized tav #astarion smut #astarion

[roguegrove]

halstarion wip

okay so i have been writing this for a little while, my first ever actual fanfic. annnnnd i have the beginning "done" and i was wondering if y'all would be so kind as to give it a little read and feedback, let me know if i am heading anywhere interesting?

ETA: i left half the fic out for like three minutes lololol sorry

astarion/halsin, pg at this juncture, definitely won't be at one point. very first draft, inspired by hozier's "first time"

summary: Canon-led look at a relationship between Astarion and Halsin, exploring further, following the arcs in the Hozier song, “First Time.”

Astarion learns about life, death, love, and freedom in his relationship with Halsin.

“Little star,” slipped from scarred lips that first time, sounding easy as a summer’s breeze. 

The words instead dunked Astarion into a frigid river, startling awake parts of him long since laid to rest. Terrifying, encompassing, heart stopping. It settled into a little shiver and something else. Oddly…refreshing? It made his skin feel like it fit funnily, worming its way underneath every dead layer and making a home within him, not unlike the tadpole, changing him irrevocably.

He, of course, was aware of the different possible meanings of his name. An old mark once waxed poetic about it to him, assuming the vampire had chosen it himself as most elves his age did. Being as it was one of the few remnants from his past, Astarion was a bit protective of his name. It was one of the only vulnerable spots he knew himself to still have. Someone, somewhere gave him that name. Someone looked at the baby he once was and deemed him sweet enough for his name and its meaning. 

Maybe at one point he was someone’s little star, something bright and twinkling in the darkness. He was out of the habit of imagining who gave him the title, though this wasn’t an unexplored dream. There was a time when he imagined the soft arms, soft eyes, soft words of his nomenclator whispering to him in a language he barely remembered, cradling him in the darkest depths of Cazador’s cruelty. He was once held with the kind of reverence reserved for a long hoped-for child, and that thought had sustained him for nearly half a century at one point, pulling his mind from the experience of his body and taking him into that parental embrace. 

Spoken so boldly, so nonchalantly in the open air of the camp left him emotionally naked where he stood. Astarion imagined the last time he heard it might’ve also been the last time he stood in the sun as he did now. Fitting, he supposed, as his current life experience felt as foreign and unreal as the memories he made up in his dissociations. It didn’t escape him that the gentle way the druid Halsin spoke his name was as close to the way it was always supposed to sound as anything he could imagine. 

Halsin’s voice sounded like the smell of campfire as it went out, like the ground shaking from thunder far away, like the way rough bark feels on a smooth palm. Practically everything he said sounded beautiful, and Astarion’s name was no different. Halsin’s lips didn’t just form the words, but cradled them, placing them lovingly into the world as if they were worthy of care. 

The sound of his name had never sounded so sweet, not after centuries of morphing into a curse. More than spoken with care, his name was treated as a command, as a tug on a leash or a noose. Cazador’s voice poisoned Astarion’s name with his venom, whether delivered within a puncture or a masked sweetness. He began regarding it as a scourge, the sound of it acting as a warning for what awful things followed. A necessary distance from his name formed, leaving it behind with his suffering body most days. At camp, he tentatively allowed ‘Astarion’ to settle back into him as his companions spoke it without malice, without inflicting pain. It was with more indifference, informality than anything else, but maybe that was the casual way most people regarded their own name when they had anything else besides it. 

Halsin turned his curse of a name back into a prayer, but his kindness was such a practiced part of him that Astarion wondered if it was even intentional. Maybe it was a druid thing or just a Halsin thing, but the natural respect and care he gave to all living creatures was difficult for the younger elf to understand. He could understand if it was a rouse, hiding an ulterior motive, sure, but he wasn’t sure Halsin even had the capacity to lie let alone manipulate him. 

A hand reached for him as the words did, Halsin’s big paw tentative as it came toward Astarion like he was some injured small creature or something. It was clear that the older man was trying to find the best way to get him to feel comfortable, and the thought stirred something in his belly. Annoyance, trepidation, butterflies? The hand came with a request, not just to offer Astarion the sweet version of his name.

"Little star,” he’d called, as if his request was simple, as if it didn’t shake Astarion to his core.

  Blinking himself out of the momentary reverie, Astarion turned on his heel to take in the scene. Halsin was seated at one corner of his little camp, on the bare ground, large legs folded beneath him. It was only then that Astarion noticed the curls of wood scattered around him, the knife in his hand, the mangled bit of twig resting on his thigh. Was he whittling? How...quaint. Feigning casual, Astarion cocked a hip and an eyebrow, drawling. 

“What was that, dear druid?” 

“I was wondering if you would do a lazy bear a favor and hand me that bit of basswood just out of reach,” Halsin answered, a chuckle below the surface of the sound. “If it’s not too much trouble, of course.”

There was a glint to his eye that made Astarion feel like he’d been caught doing something more nefarious than simply walking past. The request was innocent, if not a possible ploy to just get his attention, and yet the vampire felt like he must tread carefully. Those hazel eyes saw more than most, Astarion knew. Beyond the wizened age of the former First Druid, Halsin had the unique ability to see what many others overlooked, and Astarion’s carefully crafted masks did nothing to deter him. He often wondered if in that sweet nature hid a schemer who kept tabs as weapons; after all, that would be what he’d do, what he did do. 

With careful, graceful movements that did little to hide the truth of the disarmament he just experienced, Astarion plucked the wood from the ground and offered it to Halsin with a flick of his wrist. 

“Is this what you’re after?” 

“Ah, yes,” Halsin beamed when he got the frightened animal to eat from his palm. “Many thanks, my friend.” 

Friend? Astarion barely grasped the concept let alone considered this lumbering teddybear of a man one of his. He could scarcely bring himself to trust Halsin, so warm affection was definitely not on the table yet. 

Still, being in Halsin’s good graces could be nothing more than an asset. 

On went the charm, an enticing smile tugging at Astarion’s lips as he peered down his nose curiously at the older man’s project. 

“And what, pray tell, are you doing? Not carving stakes, I hope?” 

At that, the laugh that burst from Halsin both startled Astarion and warmed something in his bones, his smile slipping into something less practiced without his knowledge or permission.

“Gods, no,” the bear replied, holding up the wood to show how easily it would fit in his palm. “Not unless we’re going to chase down your kin in bat form.” It was Astarion’s turn to laugh, the image of the large Halsin chasing after his master as a tiny vampire bat with his hand-carved toothpick delighting him. Gesturing to the space beside him with his carving knife, Halsin invited, “come, join me if you are not busy. I’d be happy to keep your company a while longer.” 

Astarion couldn’t say why he sat down beside him, or even what they wound up talking about until Halsin left to join the rest of the omnivores in camp for supper. The sun had shifted across the sky without his noticing for the first time since he’d been able to see it again, the passage of time seeming to rush by. This, too, was a new experience. For nearly two centuries, Astarion had felt time trickle past him like molasses. His existence was pain, isolation, and forced servitude, and anything beyond that had been a rouse. Time passing quickly would have been a blessing any moment of his life except for today. Today, when he allowed himself for a moment to believe in the sweetness of another, the world moved faster around him than it ever had before. Typical. 

#halstarion #bg3 fanfic #astarion/halsin #halsin/astarion #bloodbear #bloodoak #honeysuckle #? #ursa minor #first fic #also if you're interested in betaing or just kickin around ideas lmk #halstarion fic #idk how to tag this #mine #writing #i'm so nervous i have never done this lol bye #first draft #wip #ETA I LEFT HALF THE DRAFT OUT OMG BYE

[astarionsilverbough]

okay my loves.

big update.

firstly, i want to thank all of you for all the support you’ve given me and tlogm. NO, it’s not being canceled or deleted or put on hold! I’m going to be moving to an every other week drop. this fic is TOO dear to me to give up on, so don’t worry your pretty heads about that.

but on to personal news: post breakup, i have realized i myself am romantically monogamous. we do a lot of strange things to hold onto what is familiar to us, i think; change and possible loss are scary things to face, but after moving through this breakup…. i know what i want more than ever.

that being said, our boys are still going to be falling all over each other. i love writing them, i love the way they’re all falling in love, it’s fun and fictional and i’m realizing i can actually be monogamous myself whilst also enjoying non-monogamy in fiction. strange, how two things can be true, right?

beyond that: i’m very happy to announce that after ten arduous years of running away from not only myself but my story, i am going to be reworking and delving into the world of the novel i self-published ten years ago. it’s grown up with me, and i’m tired of running. it is called the hellstrider trilogy, and is a novel series about killing the christian god. very queer, very trans, very angry. if you love my raphael, you’re going to LOVE my darling dominic.

these past three weeks have been very hard for me, personally. i’ve realized how fucking lonely i’ve been and how much i’ve neglected myself in favor of taking care of everyone around me. i became a bit boy obsessed, i will admit; i’m a devastatingly hopeless romantic and i want so badly to be loved like a hozier song - to be loved the way halsin loves astarion, the way gale does raphael.

i’ve always been punished in love, probably because i’ve always been so desperate for it i accept the bare minimum of fondness and call it love. but it wasn’t. i didn’t love myself enough to realize that i’ve never been loved the way i want or deserve - the way fifteen year old me always dreamed of.

but i’m going to wait. i’m… content to wait, i think. i’m still very sad and very lonely - but i’m ready to make the effort not to be.

i cannot express enough gratitude to all of you. your support has been my guiding light through all of this. i love you all so so very much. thank you, thank you, thank you.

💕💕💕

#updates #the land of gods and monsters verse #rambles #personal