#Gah also don't have any idea with drawing older people

[gunkbaby]

Hello! Non-Queued post! (what a World! what a World!)

Happy May, my friends! I am busy at work, doing practice exams - and somehow, doing well? (ish!) I have passed a few of my mocks, and I am honestly in shock! I am a most massive failure, my friends, and I always just think, no matter how hard I try, I will always fail. Because I am not allowed to be happy. But. I did it! I have passed at least one practice! Me! I did that! Me! Huzzah! Me! Steph!

It's my birthday next week - I will be 19! It would be exciting, but I do not my birthday! I have had most traumatic things happen to me on my birthday, so. I don't like it. I also have no plans, it's like my family has forgotten! Oh well! If they've forgotten, then it's not like they can hurt me next Tuesday, can they! Well. Probably! They find a way! Getting older when you haven't achieved a single thing in your life is also very demotivating! Like! Other people finished school, they have friends, they go out, get shitfaced, they don't starve themselves, and they can just go out and order coffee by themselves like it's nothing! Gah! I wish that was me! Why not me? Why can't I be normal? I want to be a real 19 year old! I don't want to be me!

But! But! But! Anyway!

Because next week will be hard, I thought perhaps, I could do something fun. My options are limited, because exams! Exams! Exams! Gah! Existential horror!

But I would like to have something to look forward to. My first thought was, maybe I could draw Bunny or something lovely, or even host a DTIYS or something! But. I have just 33 followers, who am I kidding! A DTIYS? with under 50 followers? Think again, you scrub!

SO I am Quite Stuck! Quite Stuck indeed! Oh! Did I tell you guys I am making a Muppet for an art project? oh, last week was so hard.

But I am stuck! So, maybe you guys have some ideas? What can I do to celebrate my birthday? I am hard at work trying to finish writing requests too, you know! I'm not being lazy, I Swear!

Yes. I need ideas. Inspiration. I would host my little Shuu event next week but oh, exams, so much to do, so much. Overwhelmed. Terribly so.

Please let me know if u guys have anything fun for me to perhaps do for my birthday. At least so it will not be terrible. I think it is such a pretty day. Imagine, being lucky enough to be born on May 9th! Isn't that a pretty birthday? I should be lucky, and yet! All i can think about is how offensive it is that something as wretched as me was born on such a pretty day. Maybe that is why I am so unlucky! Bad! Bad Steph, how dare you, ugly little you, be born on something so pretty. Ew! Ew! Ew!

Yes. Anyway. I am rambling. I have an English mock exam today. English! I am somehow not good at English! I'm a so-called writer, a so-called British person, and yet! English sucks for me! I can't answer questions the way they want. Not very autism friendly, these questions. Oh well. I need to go.

Please do tell me if anyone has any ideas for my birthday. I am ok. I am so scared of it being bad. Birthdays are my fear. Birthdayphobia. Is that such a thing?

#gunk #ramblings #tw personal