#GUESS IM NOT GONNA EAT FOR A WEEK BECAUSE GOD FORBID I INTRODUCE A PATHOGEN INTO MY SYSTEM

[rithmeres]

whenever i have absolutely nothing going on and don’t need to be anywhere or do anything, everyone around me is perfectly healthy but when i have huge things that i absolutely cannot afford to miss then half my family gets sick at once with different diseases

#WHY ARE THEY SICK ALL THE TIME BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY WHEN I DESPERATELY NEED TO STAY HEALTHY #i’m gonna start killing. i have a big thing on friday and a concert next week and a tattoo coming up and i need to be okay for all of those #and i’m running things at the community house for two weeks straight. i cannot afford to be out of commission for even a few days. #& nobody gets it. for me being sick is not just unfortunate it is literally hell on earth. the worst possible thing that could happen to me #i’d rather break a bone or sprain my ankle or have an ibs flare or crash my car. literally anything else #AND DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON OTHER TYPES OF ILLNESS. I WILL KILL EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE AND THEN MYSELF. #tell me. why. when i was living with 4 roommates in a cramped apartment for 4 years. i only got sick twice. #but living with my family. for 9 months. i have gotten sick 4 times. and most times it was directly traceable to someone else in the house. #i am filled with such unspeakable violence i need to leave i need to leave i need to leave #GUESS IM NOT GONNA EAT FOR A WEEK BECAUSE GOD FORBID I INTRODUCE A PATHOGEN INTO MY SYSTEM #<- i know this is not how it works but that is how my brain has rationalized it for decades