#GOD BLESS THIS BEAUTIFUL PLANET WE ARE SO WONDERFULLY HERE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shhhselah · 3 years

Text

The Pride & Worship of Life

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

12:33pm

Comparison is the idolizing of creation over Creator.

Yikes. Jumping right in, aren’t we?

Selah.

Take some time to prepare your heart & sit before God. Now, when He’s given you the go, continue-

*This post is not to discredit the existence of mental illness or PTSD which creates & perpetuates these habits/mindsets in us, but it is simply to educate- spiritually- about the issue of Comparison & its roots.

Now, allow me to say it again, Comparison is the idolizing (worship) of creation over Creator.

You worship others or even yourself, but begin to trust, disbelieve, dislike & even hate the Crafter.

You reverence & love the one, yet despise the Other for not creating you the same. (Matthew 6:24) You worship- in awe- the creation, setting up a pillar to offer incense of adoration. Yet your heart grows bitter, doubtful & resentful towards the Creator for not making you the same. For not molding you as you believe He should have. You judge Him for poor use of His time & supposed sovereignty. You accuse Him of carelessly using His time, putting you & your life together haphazardly. You question what you feel you lack in comparison to them- exasperated that He as God should have known better during the drafting process. You belittle His wisdom & intelligence, surely He should have taken into account the various factors of "such a time as this," to have better formed, equipped & provided for you. We place His other handiwork on a pedestal & worship its beauty, its flawless skin, colored eyes, long hair, favorable figure, fabulous clothes, excess wealth, stunning vacations, spare time, skills & talents & on & on & on. Or, Possibly you stand at the opposite extreme- where you haughtily applaud the Lord for His diligent use of time in crafting you. Perhaps, you are one of the many who have fallen into a nature of pride, arrogance, loftiness. You may even be unaware of it, simply seeing yourself as faultlessly confident, and that's what God wants for His children, isn't it? For them to be content, in love, thoroughly thankful for His "handiwork?" You may feel, "I am only acknowledging that I am fearfully & wonderfully made." And if that, my friend, is your sincere heart, then Amen. What a blessing. However, I'd raise to you to venture out & seek the Creator's verification that your heart posture is truly that of reverence for Him & not for you. Allow me to elucidate, I can tell you that Ezekiel 28 reveals to us that Lucifer's (Satan) fall was because of Pride. The kind of pride that was birthed from falling in love with himself. Utterly. He was created to reflect the glory of God. He was made of every kind of beautiful stone & gem, & crafted into his physical make-up, was also piping, as he himself was made to not simply orchestrate, but create beautiful melodies of praise & worship unto the Most High.

Yet... What went wrong, was that Lucifer began to believe that the beauty of his countenance- the sparkle, shimmer, brilliance of his being as he reflected the very majesty of God- was because of his own doing, his own nature & being. Hubris. It escaped him, that without the magnificence of God's beauty to shine upon him, he had no light, there was no brilliance, & his “splendor," disappeared. He was merely another object left in a dark closet- dull & purposeless. Lucifer became so entranced by the way his body responded aglow to the presence of God, he became so drunk with the power of witnessing how the worship he created & conducted moved the beings of Heaven, that he became utterly convinced that he himself was not just God, but higher. He was so utterly convinced, he began- for an unknowable length of time- to conspire against God within His own ranks, seeking allegiance with fellow angelic beings. He meticulously went about convincing them that he was truly higher than the King of kings they lived eternally to worship & serve. He was successful in what was an ultimate misleading- he officially recruited 1/3 of Heaven to revolt against God, in conviction that the wrong Being was on the throne. "Pride goes before destruction & a haughty spirit before a fall (*stumble)." Proverbs 16:18 In brevity, I'll tell you that Lucifer met his "destruction," in being utterly cast from Heaven, evicted from the presence, glory & true splendor of God- & so became Satan. And as for his followers (the 1/3 of Heaven), they became the very demons tormenting us, our families & the world as we have & currently do know it today. Why is this story important? It is the danger of self. Of pride. Of Idolatry. Idolatry is the act of placing another object or being before/above God & worshipping it. How many things do we place before God in our lives? Our jobs, money (Matthew 6:24), our partners, our dreams, friends, family, school, sex, habits & addictions, zodiacs, our indulgences & desires. We place things on a pedestal constantly! We seek them for security, protection, validation, love, understanding, confidence, power, purpose, wisdom, advice, direction, income, success. We have replaced God with so much. And sometimes, we put ourselves on the throne. We lean on our own wisdom & understanding, we pursue our desires, fulfill our plans, suffer for our dreams but not His purpose, marry & date who we see fit, hustle & grind to “make it happen by our d*** selves," lavish ourselves, pray to & answer ourselves, consult ourselves & the list goes on. Some of us search all our lives to fall in love with ourselves. Some of us spend all our lives in love with ourselves. In the latter, like Lucifer, you have fallen in love with "your splendor," worshipping your beauty & solidness of character, praising yourself, your talents, determination, strength & resilience. You toss measly claps at God for "doing His thang." You exalt yourself above others, putting them down or simply questioning how they could ever “compete.” Your admiration is not in that the perfect, sovereign, eternal God knew you before He formed you, & then with all love, purpose & attention, crafted you with the intimate knowledge & will He had for you. No, your admiration is, “How could something this divine exist?" Rather than, "I am formed by the Divine Himself."

May the twinkle in your eye at yourself be the admiration of knowing you are touched by the Most High, but not that you yourself are the touch. Be careful, family. The search for self & self love can be dangerous. It is only natural to want to know more about your time on this planet & how you connect to history or other parts of the world through purpose or genetics, but remember that you are not just here- you were placed. God placed each one of us in a specific space & place in time, for a reason. We do right to seek the Creator & His purpose for us, one that lays into an extraordinary plot that has been at work since before the foundations of the world. My dear, it is simply not about us you & never has been. Neither yourself nor I, dear darling. It is & has always been about the Creator. Seek His face, not your own. You will never know why you are here if you do not acquaint yourself to the One who purposefully placed you here. May we never feel that humans are the most important factor in this plot. That perfectly rounds us back to Insecurity, Pride & Arrogance, which are the Idolizing Worship of Humans. Let us remember that Idolatry is the practice of placing, worshipping & exalting something or someone before, above or instead of God. Idolatry in itself is a horror, mistake, sin & blasphemy. A provocation of the Lord's anger. He speaks of the a multitude of times throughout the Old & New Testaments. In Romans 1:25, He specifically rebukes the act of "worshipping & serving the creature rather than the Creator who is blessed forever. Amen." In the space of Insecurity, Arrogance & Pride, we look to the creation to govern how the Creator should rule. We begin to believe fellow man is the end goal, the aspiration, leaving behind that God set the goal long before we existed in the Commandments & later, Christ. We begin to exalt man to the deity of "God," "god," or "Goddess" rather than servant. We fail to acknowledge or realize that the title or authority of being a small god is only through what Jesus secured for us. We place our fellow beings or ourselves on a throne & bow down to them in the form of endless scrolling, RTs, saved screenshots that we pine over & pick at ourselves because of, photoshopping our images to look like them, STAN culture, vision boards that leave us wallowing in pity & self hate, vanity that utterly consumes us with our image constantly, etc. We worship them in awe & covetousness, desiring who they are, what they have, what they do, what they look like, where they're from, how they live, how they talk, what degrees they have, the list goes on. We allow them to inspire & stir a worship of both them & ourselves in the form of inferiority, insecurity, inadequacy, resentment, self consciousness, pride, bitterness, discontentment, arrogance, hubris, entitlement, loathing, envy, depression. The center of our attention in all of these- is us & them. What we lack, what they have- what they lack, what we have. All of this, darlings, utterly takes the attention off of who this whole thing is about- God. Our Father in Heaven. The Most High. Emmanuel. YHWH.

All of these demonic & evil reactions place us in a position of lowliness or superiority before others. They make us feel beaten down or built up about ourselves. And we harp all day everyday about how much less we are than others or how much greater we are than others. Instead of Confidence & Humility in, through & before God, you have been walking in Hubris or Insecurity. Both of them a constant state of self consciousness- an utter awareness & focus on self. A care & concern of self. This is how Satan fell. These states of being define you & your movement in the world. You're not just humble. You're insecure. That's why you won't accept compliments or "praise." Or, you’re prideful. You fake it because that's what people like to see & you know how to play the role. You're not just meek. You're terrified of the world & those in it, seeing everything as a danger to your mental, emotional & physical stability. So you stay quiet & agreeable. You're not just gracious- You're people pleasing. You'll do anything to get their validation, likes, smiles, attention. Maybe you're too scared of disappointing them to say, "No," or maybe you have a hidden agenda because every opportunity can be used to serve yourself. You're not just easy to get along with- you're just hiding by fitting the mold. Fitting in to get on. You fear rejection. You hate tension. You're not just charming. You're manipulative. You know exactly what to say or do to ace people's approval, avoid conflict, or get what you want out of them. You're not just being honest; you're defensive & throwing it all out there to control reactions to you & rejection of you. You don't wanna be hurt, so you make sure to get the jump on them. This allows you to be transparent without vulnerability; for you to say no to them before they can say no to the most fragile parts of you.

You're not just helpful; you don't know how to say "No." You were rebuked, scolded, bullied, raped for saying, "No." It's transformed you into a, "Yes man." Or, you feel pridefully that you're the only one who can do the job "right." You're not brave; you just don't feel like you have anything to lose anymore. Or, you feel unstoppable, invincible, the greatest there is.

You're not at peace; you're numb. You're self medicating. You don't acknowledge hurt, weakness or areas needing growth- it's for losers, you have no time, there's nothing wrong with you anyways. We turn to others or ourselves & worship- idolize. In this, the devil has molded, contorted, & permanently twisted us out of a godly shape through shame in being who, where, what & how we are. He has inflated some of us with a boastfulness & love for "self" that pits you against the Sovereignty of Most High. The way we move in this world is more influenced by people than God, the posture of our motivations one of worship to satan. If we could see some of ourselves in the spirit, we'd look like the bent over woman whom Jesus touched in Luke 13:12-13. She was bent over 18 years & couldn't stand up in any way.

Some of us have been bent over in the demonic driven posture of envy, hate, insecurity, rejection, discontentment & depression for 18 years now. For 4 years or 12 years or 37 years. All because of comparison. Some of us are as inflated as Lucifer in Ezekiel 28. Think about your goals. So many want to be the best at what they do. Some don't believe they can or deserve the best of anything. Selah. Ask yourself, dear one. Why? The Scriptures tell us that we are to be excellent in that which we do. 1 Peter 2:12 1 Corinthians 12:31 Philipians 4:8 For we serve an excellent God (1 Peter 2:9) & are meant to be a representation of such excellence (Colossians 3:23-24). Whatever we do, we are meant to do in fullness of heart as unto Him. So ask yourself, does your motivation for greatness have anything to do with Him? Are you working as unto the excellency of the Lord, or are you setting up monuments, legacy, notoriety & infamy for your own self & name?

Do you want His name to be remembered through you when you go, or yours? Are you here for clout, or do you want to use every last breath pointing back to the One who gave it all? And for those who suffer with smallness, worthlessness, unbelief- what is behind this? Who told you that you did not deserve the best? God gave you His very best when He sent His only Son & unleashed the fullness of His wrath upon Him. Revelations & 2 Kings shows us how Satan tried to devour the seed of David that his lineage (prophesied to give way to the birth of the Messiah), would end far before Jesus came. Satan sent fear into King Herod, who called for every male baby under 2 to be murdered across the lands. Again, even after His birth, satan was trying to foil the unfolding of God's best for you. He tried to tempt Jesus in the desert without success, so that Jesus could sin & forfeit His role as Messiah. God ensured, protected & saw through to completion His very best for you.

Do not be dejected & downcast in your motivations & aspirations. Do not refuse prophecy or exhortation in unworthiness. Do not reject your mantle in fear & unworthiness. Do not pray small. Do not avoid disappointment by practicing hopelessness.

Do not refuse what God tells you to save face & rely on yourself to protect your heart.

God is the Lover & Mender of that heart, dear baby. Likewise, to those who assume they are entitled to all the riches God has to give, humble yourselves before Him as Jesus says in Luke 14:7-11: "So He told a parable to those who were invited, when He noted how they chose the best places, saying to them: 8 “When you are invited by anyone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in the best place, lest one more honorable than you be invited by him; 9 and he who invited you and him come and say to you, ‘Give place to this man,’ and then you begin with shame to take the lowest place. 10 But when you are invited, go and sit down in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you. 11 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Do not assume God's plans for you are luxury, riches, fame, notoriety, convenience & constant spoils. That they are to fulfill your every demand. His call may, for you, to be a hidden figure history will never know outside of the ones He called you to impact. We do not know God's master plan, so assume yourself neither to be a grand plot not a brief mention.

We are here as a part of His plan, not our own. We are all meant to shine for the glory of God yet pale in holy comparison to only Him. The only throne we are ever supposed to look to is God's, my darling. The only image that should ever make us to feel small, inferior, inadequate & humble is that of the glory of God. The only boasting we should have is in our weakness & the might of Jehovah. If we are to feel unworthy, may it be a natural reaction to the deep love of the Cross. If we are to revere anyone, it should be Jesus. If we are to doubt or question anyone, it should be the enemy & creation. May we never put God on trial in a trick of the enemy. Repent for coming against your Maker. Accept forgiveness. Bind every demon in the name of Jesus that has contorted your very nature into a satanic posture of worship through Comparison in the various forms of: Insecurity, Envy, Depression, Resentment towards God & others, Unforgiveness towards God, Hate, Discontentment, Rejection, Inadequacy, Low Self Esteem, Self Consciousness, Inferiority, Suicidal, Hubris, Gloating, Superiority, Vanity, etc. Loose yourself in the name of Jesus of every habit, mindset & way of operating adopted & created that came with those demons & their influence in the form of- Distance, Refusal to form Relationships, Isolation, Self Medicating, Addictions, Endless Scrolling, Nit Picking at yourself & others, Self Harm, Suicide, Refusal to Trust, Refusal to Accept Compliments, Refusing to Acknowledge Feelings or Care, Self Blame, Refusal to Accept Help/Support, People Pleasing, Deflecting, Rebellion Against Authority, Bullying, Fighting, Recklessness, Selfishness, Greed, Hoarding, Vain Ambition, etc. Renounce every Vow in the name of Jesus- both spoken & unspoken- you made that came from those things: vows to always rely on yourself, vows to never accept compliments, to always have enough money, to never have kids, to never be like "them," to always work harder than everybody else, etc. There are vows you made to yourself in hurt, anger, or arrogance, & they are a sin. They are mindsets, principles you have called your own self to worship, bow down, follow & adhere to.

They have shaped your life: your interactions, relationships, & perspectives. It is time to let them die & live only by the authority, Word & Spirit of the Most High.

For too long you have operated in the power of your own resources, strength, understanding, belief, desires, opinion, etc, all because of how you saw yourself, others & through that- God. You let others become God. You let yourself become God. He is a jealous God. He does not share. He does not submit. Free yourself from ever worshipping creation over Creator through worshipping the perceived lowliness or highness of yourself. Restore yourself to trusting in God alone, resting in His majesty. Our eyes are to be on the Father of Heaven, dear baby. Not on what we perceive we lack, what others have or what we want & have ourselves. But let us look to the Rivers of Living Waters, the Fount that won't run dry. Listen to this song & bask in the Creator who made you fearfully, wonderfully, intentionally, patiently, carefully, lovingly, devotedly, for such a time as this ♥️

Selah.

Matthew 6:24 Esther 4:14 Luke 13:10-17 Psalm 139 Jeremiah 1:5

"I Am Loved/There Is Nothing Better" Maverick City Music feat. Naomi Raine

#selah #idolatry #john 316 #worship #Jesus #comparison #insecurity #pride #arrogance #satan

0 notes

theworstbob · 7 years

Text

yellin’ at songs: 1997, part one

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart between 11 january and 8 march 1997

that may seem like an arbitrary cut-off, and that’s because it is, my sleep got hella fucked and i couldn’t focus on listening to these songs for more than like three at a time (bob we know sgdq was last week) LET ME BELIEVE I TRIED MY BEST, but i have a soft deadline of tuesday for these posts and DIDN’T WANT TO SHORT YOU so here are 50+ reviews and i will do my darndest to catch up with 1997 by the end of the week

1.11.1997

65) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill

oh gosh this just kicks it off right. this is the epitome of '90s cheese: an absurdly talented man singing a song about heartbreak and/or lovemaking over a thousand chimes. bravo, everyone that could have made this happen. i expect i'll get as tired of slow-jam r&b tracks a thousand chime noises as i am of dumb meathead trap songs by the time i get to week 27 of 1997, but right now, it's a treat to hear a singer who is legitimately good at singing.

85) "What They Do," by The Roots

You know, I've never actually checked out a full The Roots album. I've always understood they would be something I like, and I understand it's something of a tragedy they're relegated to a sideshow for Jimmy Fallon (of all people, Jimmy Fallon), like, I'm familiar enough with them that listening to this song was like... Like, I went to a friend's birthday party a few months back, and it was at this bar I hadn't heard of. I'm not usually the sort of person who goes to bars, and I haven't been back since, but something about that bar just instantly felt like home to me, like, maybe the tacos, or maybe the atmosphere, or maybe the fact I nearly smoked weed for the first time with the chef, but I left that bar thinking, "This is the sort of place I'd like to be a regular." That's what listening to a 20-year-old Roots song is like. It's like instantly knowing you're home.

96) "Tears," by The Isley Brothers

"God so loved the world/That he blessed us all with you/Then he gave me a heart/And now I'm giving it to you" THAT IS AN AMAZING LYRIC AND THAT SINGLE-HANDEDLY SALVAGED THIS SONG AND THIS REVIEW. Like I was struggling with how to say this song was boring, but then that line just dropped into my lap, and it... It's as if the Christian god God so loved the world that he gave this lyric to us all, and then he gave me a heart so I could give it to this song. That is quality corniness, right there.

1.18.1997

62) "It's All About U," by SWV

1997 is batting 1.000 right now. This isn't quite an absolute jam, but there's some solid harmonies, a really fun funk-influenced track, and what sounds like Jay-Z going "unh" once every few seconds. This is a good time! 1997 is so much more fun than the other years, is the snap judgement I am making twenty minutes in. 2017 is the confused goth kid who mistakes being dark with being interesting, and 2007's a chill dude with the right person but kind of a stiff sometimes, and 1997's just the life of the party.

84) "Firestarter," by The Prodigy

Pobody's nerfect, 1997. Solid start, but even the best fall down sometimes. This dude describes himself as twisted in the chorus and in one of the verses, and when someone has to insist that they're twisted, that's how you know they're crazy. Oooh, this dude loves fire, that's not a trait this dude shares with a thousand teenage boys who all think they're funnier than they are. (Speaking from experience.) Such a wondrous mind to be so tortured! Truly the Kanye of his generation!

90) "Colour of Love," by Amber

OK. OK, so, this was an unpleasant thing to listen to, but man, listening to this song while having the video on in the background was an assault on the senses. The video is pastel in all the wrong ways, and I was heretofore a believer that there is no such thing as a wrong way to use pastel, but ye gods, the awful color scheme and the aggressively cheery song (LOVE IS GOOD. YOU WILL AGREE THAT LOVE IS GOOD. THIS IS HAPPY NOISES FOR HAPPY THOUGHTS.) made this potentially the most unpleasant listening experience i've had so far for YAS. 1997 has established a high ceiling and a frighteniningly low floor.

1.25.1997

11) "Wannabe," by Spice Girls

This song has 58,236 dislikes on YouTube. Mind you, this song is 20 years old. YouTube, to the best of my knowledge, does not allow you to view a video at random, though I'll cop to not knowing the full extent of YouTube's features. But to have listened to this song on YouTube, you had to go to YouTube intending to listen to this song, which means there are nearly 58,236 people on this planet who intentionally went to the official "Wannabe" music video on YouTube dot com solely to hit the dislike button. There are, obviously, more worthless people; I doubt that the entire Republican party is on YouTube. Hitting the dislike button on this video, though, is still a demarcation of general worthlessness. Anyway, this song, it's not as good as you remember or as bad as you want it to be. It's just a bad pop song elevated by memory. Also, none of these girls could sing. Like I didn't expect SWV-level work, but man, this was disappointing to listen to. Like, I watched Space Jam once as an adult because I was awake at 1 AM and wanted to fire off some tweets, only to learn that Space Jam wasn't like an amazingly bad movie it was just a lazily-written and poorly-acted and boring-bad, and hearing this song made me feel the same disappointment I felt watching Space Jam.

32) "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down," by Puff Daddy ft./Mase

I talk a lot about The Game's 1992 because it's an amazing album, but like the entire time I was listening to this song, I couldn't stop hearing the hook for "Orange Juice." Mostly because it's easy to ignore Mase. Not a good rapper, this man! Nor is P. Diddy! It's a classic track, and I am glad someone else made a better home for it.

33) "On & On," by Erykah Badu

This seems like one of those songs that sort of defies the point of this whole enterprise, because it demands a deeper listen and more thought than I, needing to cram hundreds of pop songs into a few hours spread across a few days, an able to give. This seems like a track that'll reward multiple listens, and Erykah Badu's on the same musical to-do list as The Roots, and it does not seem like a good track to gloss over so we can get to whatever trash is next. Leah Andreone, always a good sign when you don't recognize the name.

79) "It's Alright, It's OK," by Leah Andreone

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. MOM WHERE DID YOU PUT MY ALANIS CDS. OH MY GOD DON'T EVEN JOKE, IF YOU REALLY THREW THEM AWAY I'LL BE SO SAD. UGH, YOU'RE RUNING MY LIFE! This song is as wonderfully bad as I wanted "Wannabe" to be. Like, some of the pained noises she makes with her voice are making me laugh out loud. My goodness. SHE WAS 24! Man, I mean, this really puts Tay Tay into perspective a little bit, y'know? Like, Tay Tay wrote a lot of bad songs, but she never wrote anything so dumb as "Her ideas need expression/Her wounds never bleed/Her beauty lives in my eyes/Too bad she can't see." Like, the same age this woman was when she made this song, Tay Tay made "Style." We take Tay Tay for granted, is what I'm trying to say. "Cloudy diamonds freebase fun house." Just say meth, dude.

87) "Setting Sun," by CHEMICAL BROTHERS

You could give me a thousand hours and I wouldn't be able to tell you how this was meaningfully different from "Firestarter."

89) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe

This is a dance track I can get behind! Not some awful thing with noises meant to evoke darkness and mosery, a song that says "Hey, dancing is fun! Get out there and do it! Don't feel bad about it!" It's still Eurotrash, but at least it's the fun Eurovisiony side of the genre, not trash trying to disguise itself as recyclable materials.

91) "Another You, Another Me," by Brady Seals

...You know, I don't like that I had to listen to a Charlie Puth song for YAS 17, because Charlie Puth is a boring dude and his songs are bad, but at least Charlie Puth has something akin to a personality. "Marvin Gaye" is a song devoid of creativity, but at least I can identify Charlie Puth as someone who enjoys Marvin Gaye. Milquetoast white dudes in the '90s were just boring fucking white dudes. They didn't have to have ANYTHING like a personality, they could have a nice haircut and sing about love and that was it! I can't believe someone out there loved this song enough to keep it with them and uploaded it to YouTube. I can't believe someone remembered this song and uploaded it to YouTube.

92) "Don't Stop Movin'," by Livin' Joy

So all the dance tracks have been boring and don't really move my needle, but at least electronic music in the '90s wasn't trying to infuse itself with sensitivity or artistic ambition. It was just trash to dance to. None of these songs are "Something Just Like This." The Livin' Joy Wikipedia page states, "Sadly Livin' Joy never managed the same level of success from their first two singles," and I am glad there is a page on Wikipedia being so neglected that some subjectivity can sneak in. That "Sadly" speaks volumes about the state of Livin' Joy's Wikipedia page.

2.1.1997

19) "Every Time I Close My Eyes," by Babyface

This was fine. It's nice to dip back into the sexy R&B slow jamz, it'd been a week, I was worried maybe the trend was over, but nope, here it is, slow and sexy as ever. Well met. ...I think I might be exaggerating the slow jamz, looks like it may be a couple weeks before we get another one, I dunno, I just couldn't come up with anything fresh to say about this song. Guy loves his girl and sings well about it. Great!

52) "Things'll Never Change/Rapper's Ball," by E-40 ft./Bo-Rock

As a longtime enjoyer of podcasts on the Maximum Fun network, I have long been aware of E-40 from all the times Jesse Thorn has upheld the virtues of San Francisco rap. This is probably not a great introduction to E-40. I would not have guessed E-40 would have made a message song based on all the descriptions of him I had heard. It's not a great message song, it's like "What It's Like" but with a weirdly bouncy beat and a weaker condemnation of the listener ("some things will never change/that's just the way it is/when will we ever learn" are we supposed to, what, accept that things don't change? what do you want from me, song. how am i supposed to help).

76) "Watch Me Do My Thing (From All That)," by Immature ft./Smooth & Ed from "Good Burger"

It's kind of amazing that All That was ever a thing. It's a show that presumes that: 1) children would want to watch sketch comedy, 2) specifically sketch comedy performed by other children which are just incredibly silly things to presume. No child should be watching sketch comedy that isn't going to grow up to be a sketch comedian. This song, made with one of All That's most beloved recurring characters, is about as good as any song made by 10-year-olds for 10-year-olds is ever going to be. Well done, congrats, oh hey Marques Houston you pop up ten years later great for you!

77) "Let Me Clear My Throat," by DJ Kool

This song is one verse and then a man shouting at people for three minutes. I thought I listened to the live version on accident, but nope, this is the actual song, this is the canonical version, one verse and then A THOUSAND EXHORTATIONS. Ah! Ah! Ah ah ah! That means I want to party like DJ Kool and his friends. Ah! Ah! Sorry, sorry, he just told me to say "Ah!" after he said "Uh." He said that when he says freeze, he wants me to stop on the dime, so I guess I have no choice to obey him! I feel involved in th

93) "Runnin'," by Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Radio, & Dramacydal

oh whoa a song with tupac and biggie on the track, that's crazy, i wonder if anything else happens in 1997 that would bring tupac and biggie together? Technically, this song is a 1995 release that people happened to purchase in 1997 for whatever reason, so despite being rather dope, I do wish I had found a reason to disqualify it from any consideration. I wouldn't have heard this song, but I would've saved five minutes and also not had to make the decision on whether I, someone mostly ignorant of hip-hop history, should write about the Tupac/Biggie feud. ...I mean, we're not done, not by any stretch of the imagination, but one less Tupac/Biggie-centric song would've been nice.

94) "My Baby Mama," by QT

So okay. Okay. This song, okay, this song? It's amazing. Like, let's get this out of the way, this song is the awesome bad the '90s knew I would one day need, like criminy, but this song? This song. This is a song about a man telling the mother of his child that she can always count on him, but also he pretty clearly left his baby's mama at some point, so she can't actually count on him. This song is so weird! This is the most loyal disloyal man alive. He sees his baby's mama at the mall with another man. "He was touching my baby/I went crazy/I shoulda beat that." DON'T BEAT UP YOUR BABY'S MAMA'S NEW LOVER AT THE SHOPPING MALL FOR TOUCHING YOUR CHILD, JEEZY PETES. Maybe QT isn't the greatest male role model for his kid to have. Gosh, I'm glad this song got put into my life.

96) "Whateva Man," by Redman

nothing like enjoying a classic hip-hop song and then they describe the effect the marijuana they are smoking is having on them by declaring themselves "chinky eyed." that's such a delightful turn of phrase, i hope we never get rid of it, it's so comfortable to think about and consider. also, "I smoked with a lot of college students/Most of 'em wasn't graduatin' and they knew it." that's a quality line. it's no chinky-eyed! it's still pretty great.

2.8.1997

66) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy

This is absolutely solid. It's a fun Latin twist on the standard '90s pop song, like not 100% Latin pop, just a normal pop song with enough Latin influence to make it more unique than that Amber nonsense from a thousand years ago. Just a grand old time, better than most of the things I've had to listen to so far to be sure, if maybe not great enough to justify the enterprise. We will unearth a classic, and not an ironic one like "My Baby Mama," we will find something that didn't deserve to be forgotten, and we will find it in this post!

75) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Ice Cream Man (Master P) & Mia X

If you'll permit me to grade this song based on what it isn't, this song was not a cover of the Rockwell song with a lazy rap verse attached, and I am ever grateful for that. As for the track: neat! All involved did fine work! Mia X's verse was particularly worthy of note, that young woman was out her mind, and I appreciated it. Good work! This also is not the classic I was hoping to unearth, this isn't the nugget we're hoping to find, but flakes in our pan are nothing to sneeze at.

78) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter

Hey! Country! Welcome! This is pleasant. Week 5 of 1997 has just been pleasant, not great, just nice songs by nice (hopefully) people that I can accept.

95) "Fired Up!" by Funky Green Dogs

House music, you just have to ruin everything good, don't you? Quick note about YouTube comments: the YouTube comments under every other genre are "man, my preferred genre of music was way better back when music still sounded good to me," but for house, you don't see people trashing the Chainsmokers or whatever, you just see comments like, "Man, this song was playing the first time I took mushrooms. What a trip!" and it's like, good on ya, house music people. Your music is horrendous, but y'all good people.

98) "Passion," by K5

YouTube Comments Under Shitty Dance Music, Vol. I Commenter: I shuffle skate to this almost every Saturday, the high point of my week Uploader: Wish they still had skatin rinks around here man. Miss those days. Someone in this exchange is the sadder person, but I can't tell if it's the only person whose single-greatest joy is derived from a weekly trip to the roller rink or the person who can't make time in their schedule for the roller rink. We had a good thing going with this set of five songs, and now I'm just sad for these people who love roller skating too much.

2.15.1997

56) "What's on Tonight," by Montell Jordan

"I pray that you're wearing Victoria's Secrets/Oh, that blows my mind" That's acceptable! I enjoy the image of a woman wearing lingerie that this song brings to mind! I agree with this song so far. "Now what should I bring/Strawberries I'm thinkin/Or some honey for your toes" I'm out. Nope. You can't get me to sway to your foot thing. I refuse. I'm not gonna do it. How dare you even try, sir. Gosh. We had something really great going, and the -- don't talk about toes! Not on the single, man! Sir, this is NOT how we do it.

78) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z

BABY JAY! This song is phenomenal. I don't really think about how deep the roster of female rappers was in the '90s, but man, the woman on "I Always Feel Like" and Foxy Brown have both killed it. Like, I defy anyone to come away from this song thinking Jay-Z badly overshadowed Foxy Brown. He overshadows her, yeah, it's Jay-Z in a moment where he was getting mighty close to the peak of his powers (if he wasn't already there), but Foxy Brown more than holds her own, and the realtive equality at play makes this song a complete jam. Highlight of the year so far!

79) "It's in Your Eyes," by Phil Collins

Ugh.

87) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone

this was cool and also it faded from memory as soon as the song ended also i'm trying to find out more information about Tre but apparently the band doesn't exist and they have a name with really poor seo. like, the wikipedia page for krayzie bone's discography doesn't even mention this song, and i find it hard to believe this was the most forgettable song krayzie bone ever featured on. the wiki lists two songs where some entity named Damizza is the lead artist, but omits tre from the complete record of krayzie bone history. this is weird, like the song is forgettable beyond the "take. your. tiiiiiiiiiime" chorus, but it deserves better than complete erasure!

88) "The Theme (It's Party Time)," by Tracey Lee

This is chill. It's as disposable as any of the rap tracks in 2007 or 2017, no one is pointing to this basic party jam when arguing the virtues of '90s hip-hop, but not every song is going to be a classic, and this song wasn't intended to sound like something more than a red Solo cup. OK work, sir. Congrats on making an accpetable song.

92) "Without Your Love," by Angelina

...look, i've been writing these posts for 27 weeks, and i'm more than a month deep into 1997. i don't claim to know every word i write, but i know i have not used this word before, because i don't believe it has critical value, but i'm listening to this song, and i can't tell if i have the right version, but i'm with this song, and, like, the beat sounds like farts. i'm sorry. but that's the most accurate descriptor available. there are fart noises on this track. people played this song on the radio! it has been seven months and i've made myself listen to multiple piles song, i am entitled to point out that a song sounds like farts when it legit sounds like farts. i'm sorry, angelina. you seem nice. your song is unpleasant.

93) "Drop Dead Gorgeous," by Republica

ye gods, it's as if they mashed everything bad about '90s music into one song. all it's missing is an allsuion to a foot fetish, and it would've checked every box on the list of things i hate about doing this to myself so far.

2.22.1997

10) "Discotheque," by U2

You can't tell me white privilege doesn't exist when we live in a world where U2 was allowed to continue making music after making this song. What the hell is this. If Apple tried to put this on our Apple-brand devices, they would have gone bankrupt. This is... How is dance music so fucking hard? You make a fun song that sounds like it'd be fun to dance to. That sounds simple. I don't get how every single band in the '90s trying to make dance music got it so wrong. Oh no he just went "ha! ha! ha! ha!" in the awful Bono falsetto. Mistakes were made.

17) "Don't Cry for Me Argentina," by Madonna

Man., at least when 2007 gave us Broadway, they gave us Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." Who asked for this. Who was buying Madonna singing Andrew Lloyd Webber. I mean, I guess that's not the craziest decision one could make with their money, but like these people probably also paid for the full soundtrack and for tickets to see the movie and likely the VHS copy, specifically to see Madonna performing Andrew Lloyd Webber, and like, I get it, but also, I don't.

37) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera

There's a riff about halfway through the song that nearly made me get out of my chair and shout, like I don't usually feel that way about people doing things with a collection of voices outside of Pentatonix songs, but there is absolutely a moment in this song that gave me chills. I miss this! I miss when people could sing, when the most impressive vocal feat on a song wasn't someone trilling their rs when they say "skrrt."

47) "Barrel of a Gun," by Depeche Mode

DAMNIT EVEN DEPECHE MODE IS BAD. All electronic-influenced music in the '90s was bad, and they even infected Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode is an entity I always understood to be good! This is disappointing. I thought this would at least be something I could get into the Brandi Carlisle or Paramore song I could claim was #1 over far more deserving or iconic tracks, but nope, it's just pointless noise. I'm bummed.

53) "Just Another Day," by John Mellencamp

So a ton of these songs have been absolutely awful. I don't think there's a single week in 1997 so far that would win, and despite weak weeks for the 21st century, it's not looking good for 1997. But this song is a reminder that what doesn't kill me doesn't kill me, so fill me up for just another day IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I BRwrong "Just Another Day" sorry, sorry. This "Just Another Day." It's OK. Look, it's John "Cougar" Mellencamp with another rockin' jam about small town America, I'm sorry, I don't, fuck do you want me to say about this? Just, like, some days I feel like dying, when I'm really only trying to get through "Just Another Day."

57) "Say... If You Feel Alright," by Crystal Waters

Every single house song has the exact same goddamn drum line and it's the fucking drum line from "I'm So Sexy" and it makes me angry every time it starts playing. Everyone who feels nostalgia for this is wrong. There's a comment under the video that just says "The Streetboys," and it has one like, so I'm glad someone agrees with Nairda on this topic.

73) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele

I haven't made the Top 20 yet but I wouldn't be surprised if the entire 1997 Top 20 is just R&B. This year got one thing right, and man, it got that thing incredibly right. Even the slow jamz, they're endless, but only one of the many has been outright awful so far, and even that was tolerable until the allusion to the foot thing, which is still incredibly upsetting I know it's 2017 and I should be desensitized but maybe let's not mainstream foot things, 1997? I'm not focusing on this song, which is amazing and I love it and is '90s in all the best ways. There's a spoken outro! A SPOKEN OUTRO! An absolute classic. It's criminal this only peaked at #44 on the US charts, absolutely criminal.

80) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe

Is this legit the first alternative rock song? How about that, I thought 1997 would be teeming with this sort of thing. Depending on the day, this is either the pinnacle of post-grunge or a combination of everything silly about the genre. It can be all things to all people. The guy has a pleasant growl and it's a song on a heavy subject that treats that subject with respect, and at the same time, it is exceedingly dour and there's 30 seconds of the dude just going "yeah" like in every '90s alt-rock song.

94) "Here's Your Sign (Get the Picture)," by Bill Engvall ft./Travis Tritt

Sometimes I think I'm not where I'm supposed to be in life, and then I remember that Jennifer Lawrence used to be a series regular on The Bill Engvall Show, and I remember I'm supposed to be on a journey home. Oh, this song? Well le -- oops! My fingers accidentally typed "electrolite" into the search bar, well no sense arguing with fate!

96) "Electrolite," by R.E.M.

This is slight. Like, I was worried I was judging this against the rest of R.E.M.'s ouevre? Because obviously, if I haven't heard of an R.E.M. song before, it's because it's not good, but judging any song based on whether or not it's better than "Losing My Religion" is dumb. But like this is just a nice alt-rock song that isn't packed to the brim with Meaning. It was a pleasant four minutes and I'm sure it made a fine closing track for whatever album it was on, but it wasn't really much of anything.

3.1.1997

31) "I Want You," by Savage Garden

Yo this song is kind of perfect? The "chic-a-cherry cola" in the verse is instantly memorable, I thought I hadn't heard this song before but then he said "chic-a-cherry cola" and I shouted "I TRIED TO MAKE THAT NOISE SO MANY TIMES!" which was a fun thing to do at 4:30 AM on a Tuesday, neighbors were happy. That's also a really dope bass line, maybe I just get irrationally excited every time a bass does more than exist on a song, but that bass kills. This was great. I'm trying to put into Smart Words what makes this song great, but I keep writing "something something propulsive," but I'm having trouble, which is usually when you can tell a song is great, because your brain doesn't want to think about why it's great, it just wants to accept it's great. But this song just, I dunno, it moves forward. It's up-tempo, but with these rap-like verses and that bass line, it's like the song is trying to rush through the wanting stage and actually get to the person? I need more time but I gave myself a deadline of Wednesday MOVING ON love this song

42) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison

In the eighth week, 1997 delivered two absolutely perfect songs, and I am so pleased. This is one of the best "HELL YEAH, I'M SINGLE!" songs of all time, like it's up there with "Since U Been Gone," except it's a little more well-rounded. There's an actual story arc in this song -- a man who used to be a real playa found a woman he could settle with, build a life with, but then she broke the trust, and after allowing himself to be depressed, Mark Morrison has regained his confidence and is determined to show that living well is the best revenge. He is ready to return to his former self. Like "Since U Been Gone" is just "fuck you, dude," this song is "STRIKE ME DOWN AND I SHALL RISE STRONGER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN." I honestly don't know why we've been wasting our time listening to other songs, this is it, this is The Song.

62) "Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)," by Aerosmith

The true miracle of "Return of the Mack" is that it's a song that could be a novelty. Like, I had to kind of make sure I wasn't treating the song like pure '90s kitsch. It's, as far as I can tell, a debut single with the word "Return" in the title, and it's made by a dude who had top ten singles in the UK called "Moan & Groan" and "Horny." But "Return of the Mack" absolutely holds up, it's not just some '90s ridiculousness, it is a legitimate masterpiece of a pop song. Everything works well. It's just, y'know, perfect. I want to think about it forever.

76) "Cupid," by 112

Because who wants to think about love songs? The people in love songs have lives outside of the love songs. How did they get in that bed? Who is that person they brought to bed? Is it really true love? "Return of the Mack" answers those questions for any slow jamz he might've made (because he's The Mack, it doesn't matter, and probably not but he will love her truly for a night), but when I listen to 112 say that Cupid doesn't lie, it sort of sounds like Cupid was just haphazardly spraying his arrows any which way and one of them happened to land on these people and I don't know who they are but I'm certain they're finna fuck. And that's OK. But, again, I hate to belabor the point, I could have listened to "Return of the Mack."

79) "Do G's Get to Go to Heaven?" by Richie Rich

This dude looked at the VHS cover for All Dogs Go to Heaven and before his eyes the word "Dogs" separated and he saw "Do Gs Go to Heaven" and he was struck with inspiration, and now that I know the song title is a pun I am fine saying this song is awful. It's a song about how bad life in the street is, but as long as there's reason to believe the song title is a play on All Dogs Go to Heaven, there is no reason to listen to it. There are no puns in "Return of the Mack," FWIW.

81) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid

The bronze medal this week is nothing to be ashamed of. Hey: how come there's only one girl group of note in 2017? We have plenty of boy bands (or maybe it just feels that way because of all the many directions), but only Fifth Harmony holding the mantle for girl groups. Seems silly. 2017 could be doing a lot of things better, but specifically the girl group thing is something to be highlighted for at least one second.

90) "King Nothing," by Metallica

Metal music is impressive on a purely technical level -- I mean, have you fucking heard "Through the Fire and the Flames?" That's amazing, that people can make music that sounds like that. But this is post-"Enter Sandman" Metallica, which isn't metal music as I understand it, is just shitty slightly-darker buttrock, so I'm not even listening to a sick as hell guitar solo, I'm just getting some bullshit I could get from Candlebox or whatever else was active.

3.8.1997

21) "Big Daddy," by Heavy D

"What do people like about The Notorious B.I.G.?" "That he's arguably the best rapper of all time at this point in music history?" "Hm... Maybe... But what else?" "I dunno, he's a big dude?" "That's it! Just find me a big dude, and we'll make him a STAR!" And this is why I'm listening to a Heavy D song 20 years later.

55) "Let It Go," by Ray J

This is a six-minute song and I just, I don't understand why this would need to be six minutes? I only got, what, three and a half minutes with "Return of the Mack," and yeah I understand I could've said nuts to this project and been listening to "Return of the Mack" this whole time, but it seems unfair I would have to put in effort to listen to "Return of the Mack" for six minutes but just let this song mosey along while looking at Prime Day deals. Happy belated Prime Day, everyone.

72) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection

1997 Week 9 is all about songs that play at a pleasant clip that are extremely listenable, not outright classics, not songs to sing from the tops of mountains, just great soundtracks for the rest of your day. I say this knowing full well it's going to make me listen to Kenny G, but hey, three B+s are nothing to complain about.

83) "Call Me," by Le Click

...I guess if I have to dive into Europe's garbage, I should be thankful to find something which either possesses some value or is edible. This song is OK, and yeah it kind of sounds like "Hamsterdance" or "Axel F" or whatever early-Internet meme you prefer, but there's a solid vocal performance and it's not aggressively awful, it's subtly awful, the awful takes a backseat to things that sound like music on this one. I am glad to have found a dance track that didn't make me want to quit.

95) "Havana," by Kenny G

You know, Kenny G is something of a cultural punchline, but I gotta say, he earned his status.

Top 20 for weeks 1-9 (33% of the way there!) 20) "Call Me," by Le Click (3.8) 19) "Whateva Man," by Redman (2.1) 18) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe (1.25) 17) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection (3.8) 16) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone (2.15) 15) "My Baby Mama," by QT (2.1) 14) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter (2.8) 13) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe (2.22) 12) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Master P & Mia X (2.8) 11) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera (2.22) 10) "It's All About U," by SWV (1.18) 9) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill (1.11) 8) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid (3.1) 7) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy (2.8) 6) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 5) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 4) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 3) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 2) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 1) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 1997 looks pretty thin, but hey remember when 2017 had two Big Sean songs in the top 20? THE BEST IS YET TO COME apart from the fact it probably has, seriously y’all “Return of the Mack” owns but then again “Hypnotize” okay scratch that i ever scratched that THE BEST IS YET TO COME because THE BEST IS YET TO COME

1 note · View note

carlerinle · 4 years

Text

Patterns And Information

Sunday 24th May 2020

Ps. 19:1-2 – “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork. Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge.”

Have you ever looked a heap of clothes dropped randomly on the floor and seen the outline of a face or some other shape? Or looked at the clouds and seen the outline of what looks like someone you know? There is a kind of art that is being produced today where random objects are placed strategically close to each other and at a specific angle, and only at that angle, all the objects will align to produce an image of a face, or a map, or something relatable? We find that nature produces patterns usually randomly. As beautiful and awe inspiring as these patterns we find in nature are, ultimately they are random and are not useful for anything than for wonderment. What is non-random in our world, the truly inspiring thing about the works that God created, is that nature carries specific information that could never be the product of a random galactic event called the Big bang.

Evolutionists teach that all that exists is a result of a huge explosion that happened just over 13 billion years ago. They suggest that this explosion began the process of evolution from the simplest forms of matter to the complex forms like rocks, mountains, which also evolved into the simplest life forms and from then to the more complex life forms. They fail to recognise the absurdity of their teaching, failing to explain how evolution could cause a rock to start breathing. They concoct all sorts of other absurd beliefs just to try and deny the truth that God is the Creator of all that exists. They reject the concept of intelligent design which says that design anywhere is evidence of a designer somewhere. Design here is not the random patterns we find in nature, but patterns that have structure and contain information. Our focal text declares plainly that God’s creation contains information that can be deciphered.

Science itself concludes that the conditions of life are fulfilled on the planet earth to the nearest billionth, that if any of those variables were off by even a billionth, life would not be possible. If the oxygen were just a tiny bit altered, or the hydrogen and other gases in the air altered even in the most infinitesimal way, we wouldn’t have the right kind of air to support life. Consider the incredulity of DNA. The DNA of any living being contains specific and precise instructions for everything about that being’s makeup – height, weight, color of skin, eyes, hair, etc., righthanded, lefthanded or bipedal, albino or not, every single detail of the being is captured in its DNA and nothing can alter this code written into each being’s sub-cellular makeup. The fact that no two humans who exist or ever existed on earth have ever had the same fingerprint or tongueprint is another amazing information that nature teaches us.

Only a master Designer could have put all this together, and no matter how hard science or atheism tries to deny it, there is only one Creator, and that is Jehovah! He created the birds from which science learnt to make planes, the eye from which cameras and lenses were designed, and everywhere we see signs of man’s ingenuity, we find a lesson from nature. How could all this be random? The Bible tells us all this for free, that in seven days God created the heavens and the earth. He is the One who created you, formed your body, and made you a living soul (Isa. 43:7). The same God who put so much thought into the intricacies of creation made you fearfully and wonderfully. What a reassurance we have that this God is our Father. The Creator of heaven and earth is our God and King. We, like all His creation, exist to give Him praise and pleasure (Rev. 4:11), and this is the ultimate purpose of our being.

Have a blessed day.

#Devotional DiligentBibleStudy GrowingInFaith TheDailyWord

0 notes

proverbesdamour-blog · 4 years

Text

200+ Birthday Wishes for Sister

Birthday Wishes for Sister: Sisters are the foremost adorable members in every family. We all love our lovely, fun-loving, cute sisters such a lot that when it involves their birthdays, it becomes our responsibility to bring smiles on their faces by wishing them a warm happy birthday. Happy birthday wishes for sister allows you to uplift her mood and increase her happiness on her birthday. Your hearty birthday wishes to your sister will double the enjoyment of today and make her feel the heat of the connection that each sibling share. Here are some samples of wonderfully crafted birthday wishes and birthday quotes for your sister.

Birthday Wishes for Sister

I am very fortunate to possess such a caring and loving sister such as you . i would like to many thanks for everything and happy birthday sister.

You are the simplest sister anyone ever had. and that i am lucky to possess you. It’s a big day . Happy birthday sister!

Happy birthday to the loveliest and most gorgeous woman within the world. You mean the planet to me, dear sister. May you’ve got a joyous celebration of this day!

It feels good to ascertain you getting more mature and delightful per annum . you’re growing up sort of a princess. Happy birthday dear!

It’s great to possess a sister such as you , who, regardless of what goes wrong in life, will always be there to support and shelter me. Happy birthday dear!

People have idols who are celebrities, famous personalities. But I found my idol in you. i really like the way you’re and that i respect it. Happy birthday to the amazing sister within the world.

We weren’t born from an equivalent womb but i think we share an equivalent soul in two different bodies! Happy birthday to the opposite a part of my soul!

When I first saw you huddled during a green blanket. Right from the instant that cute little bundle with doe eyes created an area in my heart. Happy Birthday my sister .

How time flies! I remember you started walking with those little legs, it felt a bit like yesterday. And now you’re finishing highschool . Happy Birthday sparrow.

May you be showered with countless good wishes and lots of beautiful gifts. I wish you a cheerful birthday sister from the deepest corner of my heart!

You are the person who I hold closest to my heart. there’s nobody within the world that I look after quite you. I wish you a stunning day today. Happy birthday!

On this big day , i would like you to understand that you simply are the sweetest and loveliest sister within the world. i really like you such a lot . Happy birthday!

There is nobody within the world more adorable, fun-loving and caring than you my sis. Take my warm wishes as you add another year in your life. Happy birthday!

You have always bee the source of inspiration on behalf of me . You understand me like nobody else. Happy birthday to you. May you’ve got a cheerful life ahead!

Today all I wish for you is that your life be showered with plentiful happiness and abundance of success and glory. Have a pleasant time. Happy birthday!

You are undeniably the foremost influential person within the family and undoubtedly my most favorite person. Happy birthday to my lovely sister!

Thank you for being the amazing person you’re . For me, you’re the right gift from God anyone could ever invite . Happy birthday!

I am sending you plenty of hugs and good wishes on this very big day . many thanks for being my one and only ally . Happy birthday sister!

Sweet Birthday Message for Sister

Happy birthday, dear sister! you create everything feel comfortable . I always wish that each one your dreams come true. Enjoy your day to the fullest!

Happy birthday, sis! you’re the one run to whenever anything is occurring to me! you’ll always be my secret keeper! you’re my one during a million!

Thank you for being such and supportive sister and best friend! i really like you! Happy birthday, dear! i will be able to forever be by your side regardless of what, Sis!

Happy birthday to you, you appear as if a monkey and you belong to the zoo! i might always choose you as my sister, forever. Happy birthday.

You have been my inspiration since day one and can remain so throughout life! Happy birthday! Have many fun today, dear sister-blister!

I hope this year you get blessed earning an enormous fat account and your required slim body! Happy birthday to the simplest sister ever.

Even though I cannot take you from time to time, you’re my favorite sibling and that i don’t need anyone else once I have you!

Happy birthday, you’re awesome! many thanks for being the person I can run into whenever i’m having some issue. i really like you so much!

You’re quite different from me but you’re the closest to my heart. many thanks for being the sole one that sees greatness in me! Happy birthday!

If there’s one person during this world who can see me through and know what’s wrong in my life without me saying a word, that’s you! Happy birthday sister!

Birthday Wishes for Younger Sister

Younger sisters are the happiness of the house. they’re the source of a smile for everybody . Birthdays of your younger sister should be celebrated with the sweetest birthday wishes ever. These are a number of the foremost unique and exceptional birthday wishes for your sister . Your younger sister will surely fall crazy with these birthday wishes:

Though you’ve got grown into a gorgeous woman you’re still that cute little panda. You wont to stick with my side a bit like a baby panda. Happy Birthday panda.

You are the tiny little package of a precious gift. Small yet the foremost valuable person in my life. Happy Birthday kiddo.

Dear, sister . Though we fight like cat and mouse over little things, within the end, i will be able to always give mine to you. Because you’re my heart. Happy Birthday sweetie.

Happy Birthday Messages for Sister

Despite being the younger one, sometimes you act such as you are the older one. I’m proud to possess a sister such as you who knows everything. Happy Birthday. May God bless you.

You may be my sister ; it doesn’t mean you’ll come short of my love. i really like you with all my heart. Happy Birthday my sweet sister .

You are not older than me, but surely you’re more beautiful than me. I wish I knew the key of ageing so beautifully. Happy birthday!

It doesn’t mater what proportion older you become; you’ll always remain to be my sweet sister . Have an excellent day. Happy birthday!

Some people are so nice that the world feels blessed to possess them in it. you’re one among them, little sister. Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to my amazing little sister! Remember that regardless of what proportion you get older , you’ll always be my baby girl!

Happy birthday, dear! May God bless you and every one your wishes and dreams come true! Very happy returns of the day, sweetie!

Can you recall how annoying and immature you wont to be? I’m so pleased with the amazing person you clothed over the years! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday my favorite sister! Unfortunately, you’re my only sister, or i might have had an choice to pick my favorite. i really like you anyway!

Happy birthday, you punk! One friendly reminder: you’ll always be my baby sister, and that i will always have your back! Mind that!

I still remember once I first visited you within the hospital and now check out you! Happy birthday, dear sister! i really like you to the moon and back!

Birthday Wishes for Elder Sister

Elder sisters are like our shelters. they’re caring and type hearted. nobody understands you better than your elder sister. When it involves her birthday, it is you, who should be ensuring that she features a great time. It doesn’t matter what percentage gifts you purchase her, or how big of a celebration you throw for her, at the top of the all which will interest her may be a heart-melting birthday wish from you:

Elder sisters are the shadow of mother. you usually took care of and guarded me as a mother does. i really like you and need you the simplest Happy Birthday.

Thank God! that you simply have come first. Otherwise, I had to travel through the Bulldogger of mom and pop . I many thanks for that. Happy Birthday sissy.

Happy Birthday my partner in crime. I miss those days once we were small and helped one another doing pranks on others.

sister birthday messages

Good looks run in our family. i’m glad to possess such a tremendous and delightful sister such as you . Happy Birthday sister.

The celebration of this big day isn’t complete without a delicious dessert prepared by you. Happy birthday! come home!

Are you coming home this point or I even have to chase you there? Save me from the wrath of Mom. you recognize i really like you; sister and that i wish you’ve got the simplest birthday.

No one understands me better than you. On today , I wish you a really enjoyable birthday. I’m getting to confirm you’ve got tons of fun. Happy birthday!

May God bless you wisely and knowledge. you’ve got been a blessing for all folks , especially on behalf of me . Happy birthday sister!

Thank you for being the foremost loving and caring sister of the entire wide world! Wishing you a really happy birthday, dear sister!

Happiest birthday to the one I search to the most! many thanks for being my savior and warrior! I’m so lucky to possess you in my life.

Happy birthday to my one and only sister! many thanks for always inspiring me together with your positive thoughts and actions. May you’ve got a particularly fun day, Sis!

I cannot imagine my life without you, big sister! Wishing a really happy birthday to at least one of the foremost special people in my life!

Dear sister, I hope you recognize that you simply mean the planet to me. many thanks for saving my ass and taking care of me. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday, sister! with none doubts, the planet would be a tremendous place if there have been more people like you! you’re one among the kinds! i really like you.

The post 200+ Birthday Wishes for Sister appeared first on proverbesdamour.

https://proverbesdamour.com/?p=1131

0 notes

firelightsglow · 7 years

Text

Hearthfire

~*~ A second tale of those who carry the flame, and a follow-up to Fireflies. Originally written 1/27/17. ~*~ In the darkness, we find light where we can. From the blazing bonfires of heroes and saints, to the mere glinting embers of those who walk beside us, to the cold light of distant stars, who we gaze upon in wonder long after they’ve gone out. This is a tale of those who did not quite succumb, or overcome, but those who survived the dark, who found light where they could- and were themselves a light to those beside them. This is a tale of those who endure the cold of the long night- a tale of those who carry the flame… ~*~

Twenty years ago, war came to my planet. And then, just as suddenly, it left- leaving behind a horde of mindless ghouls in our streets, and a sandstorm that never ends. My friends and I are the first generation born into this ravaged world- a world where monsters roam the streets and pockets of humanity hold on to what safe zones they can. Somehow, we manage to scrape a living. It’s not an easy life; but it’s not all bad, either. Twenty years ago, the sky fell in, and monsters descended upon us, but the world did not end. We’re still here, despite everything. We’ve made it this far. And we’ll make it further. My name is Eliza Beauchene, and this wretched world hasn’t killed us yet. Today is a new day. Let’s survive. ~*~ After the Fall came the winter that would never end. I guess that’s what happens when an otherworldly sandstorm blocks out your sun for twenty years. You can see it, if you look out past the shimmering white light of the Halo protecting the city. Sometimes, you can even hear it, howling against the barrier, nicking and scratching and scraping, like hail on a windshield. The Halo gives us light- a pale light that makes it look constantly overcast. But it doesn’t give much in the way of heat. That means every morning is cold, dark, and gloomy- which would already be bad enough even if I didn’t have to go to church first thing in the morning. “Eliza? Babe. Babe, get up.” Normally I’d love to wake up to Yasmin like this, but the urgency in her voice snaps me awake- to my instant irritation. “Are we under attack?” I croak, my voice hoarse. “No. But we’re going to be late for bell service.” Ugh. Again? “What happened to our alarm clock?” I ask, sitting up in bed. My blanket slides down my shoulders and I shiver immediately. I hug myself, my bare forearms prickling. “Power’s out,” Yasmin says. She’s sitting at the foot of our bed, already dressed and ready to go. She watches me silently wonder where the hell my work clothes are, before passing them to me in a neat, tidy pile. I make a face, and then scatter them haphazardly on the bed. Yasmin rolls her eyes. “Why’s the power out?” I ask, gratefully pulling on some long sleeves. “It’s freezing in here.” “I dunno,” Yasmin shrugs. “Maybe they’ll announce it at bell service.” Just hearing about it gets on my nerves. I groan, pulling on my jacket, my boots. I grab a hair tie off the dresser and pull my hair into a ponytail. Normally I look forward to spending a nice few minutes every morning having Yasmin brush and braid my hair, but we’re already late. Thanks, church. We step outside and into the snow- real, powdery snow, not the slushy shit we had to slosh around in yesterday. The sight of it actually gives me pause. Demeter never got cold enough for real snow. I look up, past the shimmering light of the Halo. There are clouds up there, somewhere. Past the shield, past the storm. And past the clouds, the sun. “Hey,” I ask absently, as Yasmin locks the door behind me. “Yeah?” “Why does the Halo let snow in, but not the sandstorm?” I turn around, and I can see her smartass answer on her face. “It’s a miracle,” she says. “Shut up.” I stuff my hands in my pockets, indignant for having walked right into that. We start making our way up the road to the chapel, past the skimmer on our curb that’ll just sit there uselessly until we manage to find a working battery. Until then, we’re hoofing it. The snow is already starting to stick to the sidewalk. Part of me is annoyed, because that means we’ll have to shovel it later, and snow on the ground is going to make Hunter patrols a pain. But there’s just something about it that feels… I don’t know. Normal. Just, refreshingly, wonderfully normal. “Hey,” I murmur, surrounded by the fairy tale quiet of falling snow. “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?” “I thought you could use some extra,” Yasmin smiles. “Yeah?” “Beauty sleep.” “Hate you.” I love her. ~*~ I’ll tell you what I don’t love: showing up late for bell service for the second day in the row and having to see the Professor judging me from the foyer. “You’re late,” he says. “I know.” “Wipe your feet.” “I know.” We move into the chapel and settle in beside the Shimizus. Mika saved us our seats, as usual. Brother Eli is at the altar, looking tiny beneath the grand mosaic of the Saint behind him. Brother Eli isn’t small by any means; he’s tall, taller than any of us, broad-shouldered, with a strong build. But in his vestments, loose on his lean frame, he just looks incredibly young, with the Saint looming over him- over all of us. Beside him, at the lectern, is a woman with the straight-backed and regal air of career military- Satya Singh, founding member of the Elk Lake Hunter’s Association. She’s wearing the wheat-gold uniform of Demeter PDF- tunic, breeches, cap, and coat. She’s stunning, even if she’s probably old enough to be my mom. There’s nothing like a woman in uniform. “My friends,” Commander Singh says, in a voice trained to carry far. “An announcement from the Association, while we’re all still here. I’m sure some of you have noticed some, shall we say, inconsistencies in regards to the electricity. Due to recent power shortages, we have been experiencing scattered blackouts across the city. This is troubling, no doubt, because of the unusually cold weather we’ve been having lately. I’m afraid I must ask for your patience while the Hunter’s Association restores power- but I assure you, this problem is being addressed. In the meantime, stay safe, stay warm, and stay vigilant. Brother Eli?” “Thank you, Commander Singh,” Brother Eli says, rising to the altar. “Brothers and sisters, let us pray…” The Commander steps down from the lectern, slipping in amongst her entourage of officers and veteran Hunters. They make their way out while Brother Eli is still doing his closing prayer. She nods politely to the Professor on her way out, which he acknowledges; but after she leaves, he starts stroking his beard, his expression clouded. What was that all about? Yasmin squeezes my hand. “You okay?” she asks. “It’s nothing,” I shrug. It’s probably something. I just don’t know what yet. “...We raise our souls like candles to thee,” Brother Eli was saying, “our Lady who first lit the flame. In honor of the Saint, Elizabeth Beauchene. Bless her name!” “Bless her name,” the crowd echoed. “Bless her name,” I mutter, feeling my jaw tighten to a scowl. Yasmin and Mika flash me the same look of concern they do every morning, every time- and I quietly hate them for it. The congregation starts dispersing around us, off to their respective duties. I know I wouldn’t mind having greenhouse duty. At least that’d be warm. I’m not exactly looking forward to an eight hour patrol. But it’s the mention of my mother that really fouls my mood. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, since I have to hear it every day. “That’s kind of an awkward way to end service,” Mika’s saying, just a little too quickly. “I feel like we should sing, or something.” You’re trying too hard, Mika. Still, I bite. “Do you sing, Mika?” “Why, Eliza? Do you think I’d have a nice voice?” She bats her eyelashes at me. I snort. “I think you have a lovely voice, Mika.” Yasmin, ever the diplomat. “She, of all people, enjoys the sound of her own voice.” “Thank you, Miki.” Mika huffs, before wandering off into the crowd to make small talk with her neighbors, Miki silently at her heels. I suppose she knows that the moment we step outside the chapel, we have to go to work, so she might as well milk it. We mill around in the gradually emptying chapel, watching our procrastination-enablers slowly filing out the door. Yasmin smiles at me, for no particular reason. I smile back, because, god, just look at her. And then, it seems, we’ve slacked off long enough, because who do I find in front of me than Brother Eli himself. “Eliza,” he says, with a tip of his head. “Brother Eli,” I begin, but he stops me with a raised palm. “Just ‘Eli’. Please.” Eli, changed out of his vestments and not standing before the mural of the Saint, is a completely different person. He’s huge, for one thing- probably a full head taller than me. For another, he’s… I’m not sure what the word is. Mellower? He still carries himself with the air of the religious, but it feels more genuine, a humble piety beneath the bells and whistles. Then, as if he’s reading my mind: “I’m sorry,” he says. “About your mother. I just can’t go off the script, you know?” “It’s fine,” I shrug. “I just get tired of hearing about her all the time. Like, hey, your mother saved the planet and is literally worshipped by your friends and neighbors, but no pressure or anything.” “I understand,” Eli says, but I really, really doubt it. “That must be difficult.” “You don’t have to be your mother,” Yasmin says quietly. “She was a legend,” I say. “I’m just… a person. I just want to be a person.” “It is the legend that endures,” Eli says. “People need the legend.” “No,” I say, adamant. “People need other people.” I guess that came out stronger than intended, since Eli looks away, sheepish, apologetic. It’s interesting seeing him in this light- as a person, not a pastor. Occasionally we’ve shared sentry duty with him, but we weren’t really friends. There was plenty to like about him, though. Dark skin. Soulful eyes. He looked pretty good. For a guy, anyway. “I apologize,” he says, carefully, “and I digress. I simply wanted to offer my congratulations.” “For what?” He blinks. “...I… your assignment. The Commander-” “-hasn’t made her final decision.” I feel a rough hand on my shoulder and go rigid for an instant before realizing it’s only the Professor. He draws up behind us, one hand on my shoulder, the other on Yasmin’s- in a gesture that was almost fatherly. Not that I would know. “Professor Maxwell,” Eli says, bowing his head. “Eli, my boy,” the Professor nods. “Nothing’s set in stone. Not yet. So let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” “Of course, Professor.” Someone catches his eye from across the chapel, likely some elderly couple seeking benediction. Eli smiles and bows, courteously. “If you’ll excuse me.” We let him go, and the Professor watches him leave, with the same pinched, troubled expression he had when Commander Singh passed him by earlier. He taps his cane on the floor, just once, the sound echoing strangely in the chapel’s confined space. Mika and Miki wave goodbye to one of their many cousins before rejoining us near the doorway. Bell service has been over for almost twenty minutes, so we really should have started our patrols by now. But there’s a murkiness to the Professor, a melancholy, that tells me he’s not just worried about being late for work. “Something wrong, Professor?” Yasmin asks. “It’s nothing,” he says. Oh, it’s something, alright. But what? ~*~ Whatever it was, the Professor wasn’t talking. Or, well, he wasn’t talking about what was bothering him. He was perfectly happy to talk about plenty of other stuff. Because if there’s one thing that sunshiney Mika and Professor Dour have in common, it’s that they talk away their discomfort. We’re patrolling the garden district, on our way to the Conservatory- one of our town’s primary food sources, now that the sandstorm’s cut off our fields and the weather’s too chilly to grow much of anything. It’s been a quiet day on patrol. Like I’ve said, it’s not as exciting as you think- mostly just a lot of walking. I’d love to get our skimmer up and running again, save us from hoofing it everywhere, but in the middle of a power shortage, that’s not looking likely. I mean, I’d also love to get our skimmer running and just take Yas on some spontaneous, devil-may-care road trip, but that’s even less likely than just bringing it to work. But, hey. It’d beat walking. And at least we could listen to some music. Instead, we’re listening to the Professor lecture us about military-grade body armor or some shit. Yawn. I look at Yasmin and she spares me a commiserating look. Her arm bumps into mine. It’s probably her nagging me, her way of saying I should try to pay attention. Even so, I smile without meaning to. God. I love her. “...of thermal-weave fabric, designed to disperse the heat transferred by laser weapons over a larger area, reducing their penetration and thus, their lethality,” the Professor was saying, while Yasmin and I eye-flirted behind his back. “So what happened was, you had the PDF wearing uniforms designed to resist lasbolts, being overrun by ghouls who could tear through their armor with just their teeth.” “So,” Mika chimes in, “against ghouls, you’re better off just wearing a nice thick winter coat.” “Practical,” Miki offers, “in this weather.” “And don’t you forget it,” the Professor says, his breath fogging the air. The Conservatory loomed ahead. With its ambient amber glow and lush, green interior, it looked deliciously warm- much warmer than the cold gray outside, anyway. We were approaching the steps when Mika, up ahead, stopped short and held up her fist. We all stop with her. She drops low, into a crouch, and raises her pocket scope to her eye, cool and professional in an instant. “Enemy spotted,” she says, adjusting her scope. “Ghoul, on the steps, eighty-five meters…” The Professor taps his cane on the ground, not waiting for Mika to call out the enemy position. A shadow snakes out along the pavement, opening into a puddle of inky blackness beneath the wandering ghoul. It vanished into the hole, crying out in confusion and surprise. It was almost comical, like something out of an old cartoon. Then there was an awful wet, crunching noise and a huge spray of black blood just appeared on the snowy grass, and the ghoul’s cartoonish demise didn’t seem all that funny anymore. We’re all looking at the Professor. He looks sheepish, if anything. “Sorry. I didn’t much want to wait,” he smiles, through chattering teeth.. “Let’s get inside, shall we?” ~*~ The Conservatory is a palace of glass in the central district of Elk Lake. It’s only a short walk away from the chapel, town hall, and the Armory, which is serving as the headquarters of the Hunter’s Association. After swinging out to the perimeter of the Halo, our patrol had led us back to the center of town, in one big sweep. Now, when I say the Conservatory is “a palace of glass”, I mean it. This place is goddamn enormous. It’s like somebody hollowed out a shopping mall, replaced a bunch of the walls with glass, and turned it into a giant greenhouse… shit. Maybe that is how they made this place. Yasmin’s dad, Joe Quintana, works here in the Conservatory. I like Joe. He has a truly impressive mustache, and he gets flustered when I call him ‘Dad’. Today, Yasmin and I got to see him for approximately two seconds before the Professor whisked him away to talk about Adult Things. The Conservatory is big, big enough to get lost in. It kind of has to be, if it has to feed everybody in town. But more than that, it’s warm. Blissfully so. Here I am, surrounded by foliage, and the only thing reminding me that I’m not in some steamy jungle is the fact that I’m sitting on a bench and not some fallen log. Yasmin is saying something. Something about how she’s worried about what’ll happen if the Conservatory loses power. About how losing our alarm clock is one thing, and losing Elk Lake’s primary source of food production is another. Shame on me, because I’m not really listening. I’m laying on the bench, hooking my knees over the armrest, dangling my legs over the side. I lay my head on Yasmin’s lap, and then she’s petting my hair, her touch so gentle even while she worries and frets above me. It’s all I can do not to just fall asleep right here. Between the heat, today’s patrol, the relief of our shift finally being over, and something else- my nightly melancholy, my personal storm cloud conjured by a frustratingly misfiring brain. I grit my teeth, thinking about Yasmin, enveloping myself in her warmth, her scent, her voice, her aura. You’re here, she’s told me, more times than I can count. You made it. And I did make it. I made it to the end of my workday, even though I feel like I didn’t contribute much. But there’s another thing here that gives my depression pause. And it’s a thought, so simple, so idle, as I lay on Yasmin’s lap and gaze up past the glass roof, to the shimmering white fire of the Halo shining above the town. Yasmin says something above me, and I miss it, my attention focused on chasing that thought: Somewhere above us, beyond the Halo, beyond the sandstorm and the clouds, is the sun. The sun, whose light and whose warmth gave Demeter the fields of plenty for which we became famous. The technology exists for alternative farming, of course. In hive cities, where space is a premium, indoor vertical farms are the norm. Demeter’s idyllic farmland made us the breadbasket of the Olympian cluster, all because we were blessed with good sunlight and good soil. Then Seth came, and his sandstorm with him, and all that went up in smoke. Only it didn’t. Even when we were cut off from the sun, we found a way. When we thought the world had ended, we made our own light. ~*~ Somebody out there, please yell at me for not paying attention to my girlfriend. One, because it’s a shitty thing to do. Two, because Yasmin won’t do it herself. And three, because while I was spacing out in the Conservatory, staring up at the ceiling, Yasmin was telling me how her dad had invited us over for dinner at her parents’ place, which still had power, and more importantly, heat. Right now, I’m helping Yasmin’s mother, Gloria, do the dishes., stuffed to the gills with rice, beans, and stewed vegetables. Yasmin’s draped across the couch, complaining about how I shouldn’t have to do the dishes in her house, while Mika and Miki are in the living room, trying to see if they can get the Quintana’s old lithocaster working. “How was the food, mija?” Gloria’s asking me. “It was amazing, Mom- ma’am!” I blurt out. Gloria chuckles. “It’s always a joy to have my other daughter around,” she smiles. “You’re embarrassing her, dear,” Joe says from the dinner table. “It’s what parents do,” Gloria shrugs. Joe’s sitting at the dinner table, reading the news on a dataslate. I can’t imagine it’s that good of a read- it’s all Hunter mission reports, anyway. Why would you want to read a dozen entries of “we found a ghoul on this street, but we killed it, so it’s all good”? Miki and Mika have given up on the lithocast. As amusing as it would have been, a full-size, 3-D hololith filling the living room would probably have eaten up too much power. They settle on setting a dataslate on the mantelpiece, above the Quintana’s old-fashioned fireplace. “What are we watching?” Yasmin asks. Miki shows her the data tile. “I brought one of my favorites,” he says. Yasmin holds the tile up, squinting in the firelight. It’s one of those classic, corny, transforming masked superhero shows. Yasmin looks delighted. “Oh my god,” she says, grinning from ear to ear. “This looks terrible.” “I know.” Miki nods, his expression deadly serious. “It demands to be seen.” “Now, Yasmin,” Gloria puts in, from the kitchen. “Don’t forget to thank your father for stocking the fireplace for you kids.” “Thanks, Mr. Quintana,” we chorus, just like we would a decade ago. “Oh yes,” Joe says. “By all means, enjoy that pre-cut firewood that I bought.” Yasmin and the twins are on the couch, watching the heroes don their crime-fighting costumes in a contractually obligated thirty-second clip of stock footage. I should be having fun. Logically, I see this. I’m in a cozy household, with my girlfriend, her parents, who might as well be my parents, and my best friends. Even so, I’m distracted, and not just by my nightly melancholy, either. I linger by the kitchen, apart from the others. My eyes keep being drawn away from the slate on the mantel, to what’s mounted on the wall above it- two Mk.-III lasrifles, standard issue for Demeter Planetary Defense. “Did you two fight in the war?” I ask, idly. Joe and Gloria share a glance. “We did,” Joe says, carefully. “We served with the PDF, as part of a volunteer company.” “But not after that?” “We weren’t soldiers. We were just desperate people,” Gloria says. “The PDF was losing control. They passed out what spare weapons they had, taught us the basics of how to use them, and had us hold street corners, civic centers. Just bunker down where we can.” “It was lousy work,” Joe says, sighing. “Volunteer militia, sent out to hold city blocks for just a few more precious hours. It didn’t look good, Eliza. Colonel Afolayan, he told us: defend ourselves. Defend your homes. Defend your neighbors. I don’t think anyone thought we could actually win. We just wanted to go down swinging.” “And then?” Joe bites his lip. “Then… your mother saved us,” Joe says. “She saved us all.” I grit my teeth and look away. I can’t help myself. Hearing about her just sets something off inside me, some wordless dread or anger that I can’t fully explain. I clench my fist and stare down at the dining table, just trying my best to breathe. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Joe almost reach out and touch my shoulder, before reconsidering. There’s a knock on the door behind me. Gloria goes to answer. “Brennan?” “Gloria,” says a voice. The Professor. “It’s been decided.” “No…” “Believe me, I tried to get it overturned. But the Commander wouldn’t budge. I-” I hear the Professor stop, check himself, realize who else is here. I’ve never heard him like this- harried, urgent, deathly serious. The laugh that follows is hollow, forced. “H-Hello, kids! Having fun, are you?” He swallows. “Joe, Gloria, a word?” Silently, I scrape my chair back and stand up, leaving the three of them to huddle in the kitchen and talk amongst themselves. The feeling of exclusion- of being the only one not in on the secret- closes around my chest like a vice. I shuffle into the living room, plop down on the couch. Miki is transfixed by his show, and I’m amazed by his ability to talk so animatedly and so passionately about something without his face expressing any emotion at all. Yasmin catches my hand immediately, squeezes, but says nothing. Mika glances curiously at me, at the Professor disappearing into a side room at Yasmin’s parent’s heels. “Something wrong?” She asks. “It’s nothing,” I lie, and not very well. I know damn well that it’s something, now. ~*~ There I was, having a nice, cozy night with Yasmin’s folks, and then the Professor and my mother had to spoil my mood. Anxiety clouded the air, suffusing it, poisoning it. When Mika and Miki decided to call it a night and head back to their place, Yasmin’s parents still weren’t back. They gave us awkward, stifled goodbyes, leaving me and Yasmin alone by the hearth. I watched the fire burn, light and shadow playing across us both. A sea of wordless, pent-up emotion churned around in my gut. Half of me wanted to cry. The other half, to hit something. Another half just feels trapped and angry at not knowing what to do, and yes, I know that’s three halves. We’re not on the couch anymore. I’m sitting with Yasmin on the floor, sharing a blanket, like we used to when we were kids. But I kiss her, then, in a way that’s certainly not like a child. I kiss her, again, and again. There’s an urgency to me, a heat and a want, but there’s a desperation, too, a lingering fear. She’s my escape from the worry, the melancholy. She is the edge of my world, the shore of my tangled thoughts, and if I just dive into her and swim far enough down then no more fear can reach me. Yasmin must feel my desperation, must feel the tangled knots of my brain scraping against her like steel wool. She stops me, holds me, takes my cheek as if she could hold my mania in her hand like a butterfly. “What is it, Eliza?” she asks me, and the fire glints in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” “It’s nothing,” I say, and she can see the lie, feel it drip down my cheek, taste the salt of it on her tongue. It’s something, alright. But it’s nothing I can explain, nothing that’ll make sense. My anxiety has my chest up in knots, and Yasmin holds me as I cry, as I whimper nonsense into her shoulder, fixated on the fireplace and on the light of the Halo outside. Yasmin holds me tight, running her fingers through my hair, talking me through the roiling panic. “You’re here,” she says, like she always says. “You’re right here.” No, Yasmin. You’re right here. You’re here, when my parents- my mother- aren’t. You’ve been here, through every bell service, through every trudge through the city on patrol, through every evening when I have to wrestle with my own brain. You’re here, my hearth, my home, and if I hold you tight enough now then you’ll still be here in the morning. What can the Saint say to that? What has my mother done for me, except loom above me, above everyone, with the cold light of a distant star? A star’s light endures long after it’s gone out. But that hardly matters now. Through the Halo, through the sandstorm, and even through the clouds above… No one on Demeter has seen the stars. Not for twenty years. ~*~ Morning comes, with a new day, and a new life. I wake up, tangled in a blanket, tangled in Yasmin, on the floor, with a few lingering embers still crackling in the fireplace. The heady rush of last night’s anxiety is gone, and I feel strangely light without it. I take a deep breath, and look up, at the shimmering glow of the Halo outside. I can’t help but sigh. Yasmin stirs, half-asleep, pulling me closer into her. I feel her breath ghost across the back of my neck, feel her lips brush against my ear just so. I shiver with a smile. I roll over, and kiss her on the nose. I watch her lips curl up at the edges, just so. “I love you,” I breathe, more sincere than anything I’ve ever said at service. “You’re so…” Yasmin stirs, before laying back and stretching, her arms over her head. She glances back at me, opening one sleepy eye. “...dramatic.” I bite my lip. “Sorry.” “That’s not what I mean,” Yasmin shakes her head. Her eyes meet mine. “I love you.” I’m about to kiss her, an apology kiss for last night- one bright and lucid and loving, not harried and desperate. But her mother has to ruin the moment, as good mothers do. “Mija. Mija, are you awake?” “Are we under attack?” Yasmin wonders idly, not getting up. “Are we late for bell service?” I drawl, smiling. It was supposed to be a joke. But when I sit up and see the gravity in Gloria Quintana’s eyes, the smile vanishes from my face, and from Yasmin’s. “You’re not going to bell service today,” Gloria says, and in her eyes I see an echo of the dread I felt last night. “Eliza, you’re going to the Hunter’s Association headquarters. Commander Singh wants to talk to you. Alone.” I look at Yasmin, and my eyes carry words I don’t say. Outside, the Halo’s light shines down; pale, and cold, like a distant star. ~*~

#original character #original fiction #writers on Tumblr #post apocalyptic #Those Who Carry the Flame #Hearthfire

0 notes