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[lady-o-ren]

Sorcha

Previously

LAST TIME

"Is everything alright, Sorcha? You look pale as a fetch."

Murtagh with the barest of movements, shook his head in silent plea.

"I'm fine." Claire replied, tearing her eyes from the older man to Jamie's concerned face.

"Must have been the sun."

                                                        _____

Claire smiled awkwardly as all eyes were on her, searching for the lies she was sure were written plainly on her face.

"Indeed. Folk all over have been touched by it, keeling over like flies out in the fields. Dangerous it is to be out in it's full glare and on horseback no less." Ellen gave Jamie a look of disapproval that went unnoticed, as his eyes were fixed on Claire.

"Ye do look faint, Sorcha." Jamie brushed his knuckles to Claire's cheeks, a fevered tinge of pink from brow to nape that he found alarming.

"A lie down will do her well, aye lass?" Murtagh interjected, his tone leaving no room for disagreements as Claire felt the pull of submission to one as high as he.

"Yes, that's just the thing." Claire nodded, assuring the two redheads who seemed ready to throw her in a chilly loch.

"I'll put ye in Jamie's room." Murtagh insisted which Jamie began to protest wanting to take her himself, but Claire held up her hand in protest. He had come home for a reason, she reminded.

With a begrudging acceptance from Jamie, Claire excused herself and with a wary eye allowed Murtagh to guide the way.

_____

Claire was brought to a room that smelled of fresh, sharp pine and faintly of a cat who 'happened' upon an empty bed for his taking. There was a chest along the wall peppered with bits and bobs from youthful exploration. Colored pebbles and stones, chipped spiral shells of whitish pink and an oval speckled one of green crossed with yellow. Not to mention the balls of tangled string. Why he would need any of it was a mystery but she couldn't help but wonder what hid behind the drawers. Charms against malevolent spirits or oddities like a withered moles foot hidden amongst the shirts?

Books were in every corner - on the windowsill fading the leather with spines of loosened stitching, stacked on shelves threatening to fall just to be read and what looked to be one tucked under a pillow of a long bed in the corner. A favorite he hoped to dream of, perhaps?

Claire felt the awful need to touch every point in the room to share the secret that had been at Jamie's side all along. But the door closed behind her with a soft thud and the presence of another prevented her from unburdening the knowledge that stabbed sharply at her breast.

The man's face looked to have aged five times over since they were in the kitchen when Claire turned to him. His mouth was so thin a line his coarse bush of beard covered them whole, black brows so tightly knit they seemed unified in their worriment, and the familiar steady beat of fingers that she had the sudden urge to hold steady.

"A 'Bhrian?" Claire asked in a hush even though she knew the answer.

Without a word Bhrian silently nodded, the fingers at his side losing their rhythm.

Maybe it was the vulnerability he displayed or how changed his appearance was to her but Claire felt the tumble of words fall out of her mouth not caring that he was a God and she, but a speck in oblivion.

"How could you be so reckless to defy his law again? He was being lenient with you before but now…" Claire felt her throat restrict and dry thinking of the two in the other room, where Jamie was sharing an unknowing lie of his father's fate.

"Tis none of your concern, Rionnag bheag. You will do as I say and quiet yourself." Bhrian warned her all but losing his thick brogue. His eyes darted to the door and beyond to the people it did involve and shouldn't, couldn't know.

"None of my - " Claire glared at the command and what to her was a belittling endearment even as her chest pounded erratically at a being who could cease her living with a glance.

"Whenever your son's heart is gripped with sorrow he calls out to my own. To speak to me, pray to me. I would give Jamie all that I am to relieve him of any anguish. So yes, it is of my concern."

"And who do ye think his mother prays to?"

The glistening rays that streamed through the window faded  to a solemn dusk as Bhrian's voice cracked. "I will speak no more of this and neither will you to they. My time here is short as well as yours is now. We both must go to our lives as they were meant to be."

A 'Bhrian left her standing alone, heart lurching in a chaotic beat, with Adso scratching fervently at the door.

______

Jamie walked quietly to his room careful of creaky floorboards and the clank of the iron handle as he turned it. Inside the dim room he saw a candle was lit, the flame too small to cast out the shadows but enough to lend it's sparse light to the ruffle of Claire's soft hair and outline the sweep of curves that sat atop the quilts. Adso was smug in her lap, experiencing waves of affection fit for a braw cheetie such as himself.

"Did ye have a fine time nosing 'bout my room?" His eyes narrowed in accusation but the turn of his lips suggested otherwise. "Anything catch yer fancy?"

Claire couldnt help the tug at her lips and replied matching his features.

"Nothing much I didn't know already. You have a mind for worlds set elsewhere, though your taste in literature is something to be desired. As does your interest in rocks."

Jamie walked over to the chest, thumbing the objects that had caught his eye for their colors or how the smooth or jagged shapes felt in his hand.

"Weel, my heid is made out of solid stone like my brethren here." Claire agreed emphatically while the corners of Jamie's mouth twitched. "And elsewhere seemed to have more promise for salvation. I was right about that, aye?" This time his answer was the flush of Claire's cheeks that the shadows couldn't conceal.

Seeing her disarmed Jamie was ready to broach the subject of her well being but Claire queried about his mothers, her voice sounding booming in the quiet stillness. Jamie sat on the edge of the bed facing her, his hands stretched out on his knees.

Ellen, he began, with multiple swipes of his head when he told her of his true intent when he left the farm followed by wide-eyed awe of the kindle that had laid dormant inside his blood. Then came the pour of drink with the dispiriting answers of He, who despite all the years she had hoped to see again. She sat stoic with questions here and there that did nothing to diminish the blow she had received until it came to Claire.

"She finds ye to be most wondrous, Claire and would like to speak more to the lass who has been such a blessing to us Fraser's over supper."

Adso's ears perked at the mention of food and curled closer to Claire, who continued to stroke the silver silkiness behind the cats ear as he purred in encouragement and stretched for more.

"Beware, my wee glutton is trying to sweet ye out of yer helping." Jamie teased his cheetie along it's paw, the nails unsheathing and then quickly retracting as Claire ran her fingers along his spine that arched in response.

"Adso can have my share, I haven't much of an appetite." She couldn't bear with praises to pile on the bubbling guilt.

Jamie caressed her cheek while the pad of his thumb skimmed along her smooth skin. Claire assumed Jamie was merely feeling for a fever as her palm met his wrist and where his pulse was surprisingly fast as a long exhale escaped her lips.

"Why must ye lie?"

"I'm not lying." She stated adamantly, regretfully, as Jamie removed his hand to join her other in the warm fur that raised with blissful breathing. He waited a beat, choosing his approach before answering.

"You are." Jamie insisted as his mouth upturned at the corners even if the humor didn't wholly reach his eyes. "You eat without a second thought to breathing and verra near savaged my hand when ye had the buttered bannock sopped in honey at Moubrey's."  

Claire searched his face and found his sworn word from days before that he would not press her for more, even if it drove him to frustration. Taking the branch he extended she returned the smile, however small, as the memory left a sweetness inside her.

"You tried to steal from my plate, thief and suffered the consequences that I have yet to regret." Claire gave Jamie a faint pinch at the back of his hand and he shook it away from her in mock injury.

"It was thievery or starvation and I'll gladly risk a digit when it comes to my stomach. We have that in common." This time his smile was true and Jamie took one last shot of persistence.

"At least have some to tea to soothe ye, aye?" He gently offered." You may find it to yer liking as much as any ale or whiskey ye've downed. Or have all three and drink us under the table."

There was no escaping the inevitable without  further sending his nerves on edge and Claire relented with a sigh that sent Jamie to go cat-eyed in victory.

"Well, now you have enticed me. Lead the way, Jamie and take note my warning of idle hands."

With a parting scratch to Adso, Claire grabbed Jamie's hand where his long fingers entangled with hers.

______

Supper however was not to be.

An argument was boiling from the kitchen down to the corridor, nothing new to the walls of Lallybroch. Jamie raised a hand for Claire to stay while he went to try to diffuse whatever mess his godfather stepped in.

"Ye've been out all day and you won't sit with us for supper?" Ellen sounded baffled and Jamie could imagine her hands at her waist standing at full height that even to him could be intimidating.

"Is it her that's the cause?" Jamie paused at the doorway and to his dismay Claire had followed right behind at his side.

"Jamie it's nothing, come away from there please." She pulled at Jamie's forearm to no avail, the rising fervor of him under her hands startling her to dig her her nails deep enough to mark.

"I ken you have a distrust of anything ye can't eat but I dinna think ye an ill mannered - "

"Will ye let me gi' a word in woman, It's no'  -"

Jamie came in then, dislodging himself from Claire's iron grasp and would have his own fisted with his godfather's collar if it weren't for the hindrance of a table between them. "If Claire hadn't risked herself at my plea, our fields would be a wasteland still with nothing but weeds to sustain us and I would no' have what is burning my veins raw towards ye now." The burning manifested itself in the crackling hiss of the wooden surface to black under Jamie's palms.

"I will no' have you shaming us, Goitsdh."

"Shaming?" The very word a scathing brand delivered to him from his fair haired sire. "Aye that's me. A blight to any souls happiness. A stain to look down on by ones just as she." And him. Murtagh's eyes were of an onyx gleam directed towards his kind with a star unjustly caught in it's path.

"Dinna look at her that way." Jamie's voice was dangerously low as angers ignited in a flash and ran like a current across the table catching on Murtagh's sleeve enveloping instantly.

Ellen was first to grab the pitcher, Jamie crying out in a panic as he was set to leap over the table - all for naught as Claire could only watch as the events unfold.

Murtagh's arm, encased in a furious red hued in blue at it's core, was extinguished by a downward stroke of his hand. His skin unmarred, only the sleeve was a burnt up nothing. Blue eyes all round staring in open mouthed shock.

The billowing smoke slowly dissipated to the open window as silence hung in the air until only one was brave enough to disturb the quiet.

"Who are ye?" Ellen's voice quivered as she held the pitcher still. Unaware? Ready to throw? Didn't matter it would break in a moment.

"Am I much changed from our first meeting?" The corner of Bhrian's mouth lifted most pitiful as his shoulders sagged. "Not so young. Not so resplendent as when I came to ye, mo chridhe, dying for your touch?"

Ellen's hands reached for Jamie's, hers now free as pieces of porcelain scattered the floor and water pooled at her feet. Her eyes brimming with tears searching his face for recognition of the man who left her longing in memories and dreams.

With his head lowered from Ellen's scrutiny of his degraded state, he bowed it further to Claire, who hovered just beyond the settling grey.

"Forgive me, Claire." He sounded remorseful, ashamed. "It's wasn't you my vile temper was towards. The only blame lies within me, my own weakness."  

Claire didn't know if she spoke or nodded her head in acknowledgement, her focus was on Jamie. Pale faced, jaw clenched shut that sent the vessels in his neck to rapidly pulsate and firmly at his mother's side keeping her upright.

She stepped away from him and they - the family Fraser.

"From the beginning. Now." Ellen demanded.

Bhrian slunk down into the chair as his legs numbed, the stench of the scorched oakwood, nauseating as he was the target of it's fury. He picked up the story as Claire knew it, that had been passed on from every God and high being to fallen star and man.

He had been given a punishment from the God that was all at once his father, brother, friend. To be imprisoned with haunting dreams so vivid of what was lost to him - where in the span of a heartbeat he had once held and loved holiness herself. It became a torment worse then death that festered and rotted at the core of his molten self. Bhrian begged the high one whose very name meant mercy, to exile him to the low lands of man to the woman who held the cure. But His high one, with a shuddering breath had passed his judgement that could not be overturned even for his firstborn.

Then in Bhrian's endless mourning surrounded by his own diminishment whispers crawled up his spine and circled him with promises of alluring hope…

And so Bhrian found himself inhibiting the mortal world as a man his beloved wouldn't recall. Every few years he was able to serve his family as any man would, in a body that strained with labour no longer effortless, to earn what paltry sum he could. Yet even when his joints stiffened to a gnawing hurt and he was soaked in sweat he felt the poison cease in his blood

"I am a cowardly man as ye can see my loves. I wasn't brave enough to exist without ye and put myself at stake just to be near you both." He finished in a voice so small and hoarse.

"All this time," Ellen murmured. "I thought of you as my one true kin when all my family forsake me. My - who would never lie to me…" Her lower lip was bloodless and trembled. "And now ye'll leave us again?"

"It's no' my will or choice. I'm only allowed so much time here lest the world boil from my happiness and others grows suspicious if they aren't already." A faint weakly smile crossed Bhrians face. "I have a few days, less if ye want me out in the dirt, mo ghràidh."

A few days. Less…

"Gods, I dinna ken what I want to do to ye but stay so I can scream til yer ears bleed and thrash ye till your raw." With words of vowed violence, Ellen then spoke most longingly -

"Stay, mo Bhrian, mo sheann duine."

His name on her lips, a scarcity hardly breathed that relit him close to ash. Bhrian was set to weep.

With a sharp intake of air he spoke to his son a child no more.

"And you, Jamie? I know you harbour a justified resentment of me, of that I will not deny. Shall I pick up my sword or will we settle this with fists?" He rubbed his arm, while unblemished, was still reeling in the rare sensation of physical pain and was prepared for more and worse.

"Your gift of sword melted and forged with the earth, unfortunately. Nor have I found it necessary to invest in another, considering." Jamie set his hand on the table palm up."I have no cause to fight ye. I forgave ye by a brook at sunrise." Where his - Jamie swerved his head in search of a pair of amber eyes finding empty space. Did his flash of violence cause her to flee?

"You should go after yer rionnag." Bhrian urged seeing his sons distress, a pain all too familiar." In my haste to keep myself from the two of ye I may have broken her heart. A sin to do so to a daughter of the moon for they lose their radiance." And fall from grace endless till their no more then dust. But Bhrian withheld such dour information to himself.

"I take no offense, mo mhac." Bhrian spoke at Jamie's loyalties splitting him down the middle. "We will have our own time after your mother has her vengeance." Ellen's eyes flared as she smirked and Bhrian felt a shiver go down his spine. With an exchange of words Jamie headed out the door.

"He gets that tenderness from you, ever since he was a bairn, bringing any injured creature his wee hands could grasp. But ye ken that."

"And the strength mightier then a God from ye, mo chridhe. But ye know that."

Then a shyness creeped in that talk could not alleviate- still too great a many conversation that needed to be had - the only resolve was most upfront in Ellen's mind. She rose from her seat to be at Bhrian's side, whose breathing was ragged at her being so near. She touched his hands, nicked and splintered, furred black at the backs with knooby nuckles, hiding their elegance that had at once held her as if she were as holy as he. Ellen pulled them to her now giving him permission to touch her as he pleased.

They stayed where they were, fingers twitching at the fabric, palms broad at her thighs.

Ellen regarded the features of her beloved that lay hidden in a hardened face and underneath a mangy beard she'd swear to shear before dawn. She traced his face from temple to chin and with a grin pinched his longer nose. No, he didn't resemble much of the being of ancient perfection - yet, his eyes and hair were still dark as the veil of night that was overhead, with lips -now thinner - still holding promises of unending delight. Beckoning to her still as he burned rich in adoration, boundless and consuming to the bone.

"May I ask ye for a kiss to take with me to my lonely existence?"

"If ye had'na the scruff I would, but I see have no choice, mo ghraidh."

______

Claire was walking along the fence covered in sweetly honeysuckle vines and the odd sprout of violet buds that twirled with the white. She hoped all inside Lallybroch were not at one another's throats and as the potent smell of fire had yet to pierce the crisp air, she took it as a sign that all was well.

But still she lingered and would have stayed so, reluctant to interrupt the family finding their way, if it weren't for a heated touch at her shoulder that ran down to cup her elbow, turning her, drawing her near.

Jamie's natural ruddiness was dulled in the twilight, and his brows furrowed with a heavy crease between that gave her heart a stutter. Had it all gone wrong with his father? The hurt of the deceit too deeply rooted?

"Did it not go well with your father?" Claire raised her hand letting her fingers gently grazed the barely there stubble at his chin. "Is there anything I can do?"

Jamie shook his head, keeping her hand firmly to him by her wrist.

"It went more then well and I can hardly believe the truth of it. But you, mo Sorcha, took to the wind and had me worrit that I frightened ye with my temper. Ye must ken I had'na meant for it to happen, that I would never do such a thing."

"I know it, Jamie. A man who has empathy for trees would do no harm to a living soul. But thank you for defending my honor, even if it wasn't necessary." Her fingers had been brushing the curve of his jaw, with every stroke reeling him closer and closer so that he breathed his relief against her face. But only briefly.

"He - my father told me all, Sorcha. Of how ye knew who he was once you saw him, what he asked of ye and -" Jamie paused, trying to repress a forming frown. "Of how he could take ye home. I did vow I would see ye safely to yer proper place, though I figured it would be a ways from now." Months, maybe a year or more. Not days if even that.

Jamie tucked an errant wisp of hair behind her ear that the breeze had whipped about her face. Letting his fingers thread through her brown curls, already missing the way they made her huff in irritation and grow riotous in excitement.

"So did I." Claire croaked not meeting his eye, letting her own fall to the shriveled blades of grass beneath their feet."I never even got to see the ocean with you, see you pickled green with sick from it's briney waves." A smile faded just as it appeared at his spite towards moving waters. "We barely - and to never… " Her voice hitched as her ribs contracted, squeezing her lungs, suppressing words too painful to speak.

But her falter gave Jamie a surge of courage to ask his star for once what she wished for, no matter the answer. His arms came around her tenderly emanating warmth that thawed the vise at her ribs.

"You never asked to be here, to be torn away from all ye knew. Tell me, Sorcha, what does yer heart yearn for and I'll shower ye with all the glory of such a thing."

A choice of path no longer clouded with confusion and doubt or fear of what stirred at her breast.

"All my heart desires, that overwhelms me with such wanting, such happiness and so much love is you, Jamie. The only soul who ever looked upon me and saw hope, you who gave me second life." A confession so freeing even as it left Claire's heart hammering with breathlessness.

An ache so acutely echoed in that very same soul whose eyes of blue so like the core of impassioned fires sought hers and Claire had the dawning realization that she was never to be alone.

Her heart began to hum.

Jamie's hands splayed at Claire's back throbbed hot and gathered her to him till their heads were bent to one another. Where their chests heaved together, breath dizzied one another and all else was blotted away.

"Even if I canna adorn ye with the hallowed rings of Satárn? For all that my two hands are capable of they only offer ye a farmers life or of a wanderer sleeping in heather."

Did he truly think she cared? Her hands made their ascent up his chest that caused his lips to part for air and one went further still to cradle the back of his head to press it firmly to hers.

"The rings of Satárn are of rubble and I'd rather be with you in the freezing rains climbing a cursed mountain or in fields of sweltering heat. I love you more then any barren abyss."

A love that welled under the skin.

Where a hum became a hymn, so rousing. Reflecting starlight, so lustrous to be the envy of every star dotted above.

That set a another to burst in brilliant firelight and for all that bathed in it's beauty- every stalk, every blade and petal to flourish in magnificence.

"And I you, mo prìseil Sorcha. And I will -" Claire rudely, impatiently, boldly silenced Jamie with a kiss that he didn't seem bothered by as the roiling blaze sunk deep into their veins.

They saw one another in every flaw, every perfection They saw the span of their life intertwined past the time of Earth past the point of time where all that stood was he and her.

Even then we're they engulfed in whiteflames.

                                                      ______

And so it was that the night was long and peaceful. A gift bequeathed by the moon goddess herself, the keeper of all secrets for ones so deserving.

They who sought eternity in a lovers embrace.

A boy held his precious starlight close to his breast as consciousness stirred her to wake. A whimper was heard, a dreamy sigh responded and further they melted into one another with whispered reverences of love.

Another sigh was heard as Ellen shut the door to the room filled with a gauzy glow.

She was met with a crooked curious smile from her other half. With a shake of a head and wave of a hand, the red haired lass pulled 'Bhrians bare cheek, no beard to tug.

No cinders to smother just yet.

Ellen clasped her arms fiercely around his middle craving every lost touch as he crushed her to him as well. He rocked her back and forth where he reassured her again and again -

"We will have this day and many more to come."

Even if he be damned for it.

*The gaelic word for the sun is A'Ghrian but there is no emotional attatchment there and rather than going between three names I switched the G to a B for Brian. *Murtagh means Sea and skilled or skilled navigator which is close enough to water to be the suns opposite. *The High God is Lord John Grey who isn't evil just a stickler for the rules!! I mean Bhrian sent the world to chaos what was he supposed to do. John also means grace and mercy. Very fitting. *There is no scottish gaelic word for Saturn so I took it from the irish gaelic.

*Rionnag is star

* Mo sheann duine is my old man

*And I always forget- Mo preseil sorcha is my precious light I'm probably forgetting other tidbits too...

Sorry for another late update. I had this outlined this as fast paced and blunt when it was paired with the last chapter but separately just didn't work. So i had to rewrite this from the ground up and really struggled and drowned in the juggling act of two important conversations and emotions, when to be dramatic and when to be light. Love confessions that are a headache to write... Urgh! I hope it all makes sense I tried to keep the essential stuff (I deleted alot of convo between Jaime/Bhrian and Claire/Ellen..)

And finally, THANK YOU to every single person who read this little fantasy story that I thought literally no one would read and to every kind comment i recieved.

I hope you enjoyed the journey!!!

#Freedom to catch up on fanfics and podcasts like a nerd #Outlander #outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #jamie x claire #this storymay not be done...