#DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK ITS COOL???? or am i jsut out of the loop

[catboyaoi]

im such a stoner but when a song talks about weed i get SUCH second hand embarrassment. ur proud of that??? u think its cool??? no. ur lame as hell.

#DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK ITS COOL???? or am i jsut out of the loop #like this is a classic joke the i’m singing about how cool weed is joke?? #help

[kp2325]

in other news

lets see hmm. .

We are in a world wide pandemic right now due to covid-19. School has been shut down since about (well the girlies since march 12ish) {{and will probably be out for the remainder of the school year (the boys here are out for the rest of the year already))}}. I got booted fm my clinical setting on March 16, 2020.   ...    It was a Monday..   :(    ...... :(  i get it it just sucks... like way suckky suxx.

So this whole thing is getting MUCH worse by the hour. It really is just so terrible. I was in my final clinincal rotation for my PTA school and as fate would have it now, global pandemic and fuckin wait and see what happens...... so the actual shit has kinda been slowly hitting the fan and im not goiong to lie, it has me nervous. trying so hard to stay cool broh.. but holy hell, omg..  smh.

Lets seee what else. ..?. . My litlle babe cave with Kionners is just so bomb i cant even contain myself, i just wish it wasnt SO DAMN LONELY> but wtfe... its fine. I’m lilke low key freaking out because id like to be with my babies but its ()notadvised() for me right now...... >:(.    ***we are in a global pandemic and i dont know the next time i will see my babies***** my fuckin TRY is off the charts right now. I WANT TO BE THERE WITH THEMMMM.   *deep breath, regroup* theyr fine, j’s fine, theyre fine, its fine. theyre happy and excited about their new rooms and really they are doing good.. *deep breaths* ...........smh

We have another (virtual) class meeting on friday to see what the fucki is going on with our clinicals and then i guess ill go from there...... itd be real nice to go see my dang kiddosssssss. This covid bs is just throwing our whole nation for a loop. Its very scary because on one hand, id like to get back to the clinical grind and hash out these last weeks.... I never wanted to get removed.. i wa sbummed beyond words.. I GET IT. its a liability and we are not licensed, but damn that stung. And now.. because i was working in a Long Term Care facility (basically a nursing home) SO im mostlikely NOT returing to my clinical site.....Nursing homes were like ground zeroooo for this covid crap. Coronavirus has literally ripped this country to shreds in a matter of weeks. IT IS SCARY. Medical equip is scarce and  it is hellish madness for other clinicians that are RE-USING MASKS AND GOWNS and tons of other PPE and it  is just straight up horrific. People are dying and all the stinking POTUS can talk about is the damn ECONOMY....like seriously?!?

J and the girlies are over in ohio prepping our first ever HOMEhome. SO that is exciting. I just wish I was WITH themmmm. Im missing them terribly and sitting on my tail just waiting is trying on my mental health. KIckboxing is closed, Grief group has been cancelled, stores close at like 5pm and all entertainment is closed indefinatly. This is just a lot. THANK FUCKK i am with Kionners and the boys because I literally would be an even bigger mess ball just UGH.

KMG bday is soon. I know thatll be kinda rouhg and i know shes already feeling that. I want to do something special for her but idk what yet. Same thing with myTwin-babies Bday.... Its going to be hella hard to make it special and im going to have to figure out how to be like NEXT LEVEL creative....hmm. ..wish me luck  :/

Iliterally have been through SUCH a rollercoaster of emotions. It. is. m a d n e s s s s s s s s. In such a way that I am sick to my stomach with nausea and a panic like anxiety... to chill and optimistic and it is SO EXHAUSTING<<

I’ve been trying to meditate more but i find that it really comes easier to me when im doing somthing like typing or coloring. So i can jsut kind of zone out and do the thinsg without thinking. Its actually easier and much much more attainable when im not sitting and -trying to focus- ...letting go is much easier for me right now.    time for bread now probably.... staying up until 430am is way out of my norm these days, but i guess everything is out of order now...so.... .. yeahhh... bread now.