#DEVASTATED AND DISTRAUGHT OVER BRAM

[storytime-reviews]

Love, Simon Movie Review

I had been looking forward to seeing Love, Simon for so long, that getting to see the advanced screening last night was all kinds of awesome. From the very beginning I noticed that the film really encapsulated the essence and tone of the book, even though it differed in many of the scenes. I love a good book to film adaptation, and Love, Simon worked brilliantly as a different version of Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda. Love, Simon worked on every level–from the incredible acting, to the score and soundtrack that fit perfectly with each scene and simply enhanced the experience. 

Yet, I was so excited and hyped for this movie that at times I felt like I was just on the outside looking in, noticing every little detail, that it hasn’t quite sunk in. I’m looking forward to a second viewing that should rectify that. 

I loved that Love, Simon began with Simon introducing himself as well as his family and friends. Whilst the book could jump right into the action, the much more limited time frame of the film and ability to be inside Simon’s head means it wouldn’t work here. Similarly, although the emails could exist on their own amidst other chapters in the novel, I enjoyed how the film embraced the idea of Simon imagining who Blue was depending on who he thought it could be at the time. It truly allowed for the secret of Blue’s identity to be kept, whilst at the same time increasing the tension. Simon and Bram interacting properly from the very beginning and being quite good friends was a great addition, although I wish we had seen more of Bram throughout the rest of the movie. I also think it was unfortunate that the movie essentially ended once they got together, and we saw very little of them as a couple. 

Love, Simon featured so many powerful performances, which included the response of Simon’s parents to his coming out. The movie did one better than the book with Emily’s (Jennifer Garner) speech to Simon, telling him that he can exhale now. In this moment, Simon’s struggles are fully recognised by his mother, and in the most beautiful manner accepts him for who he is. Just as importantly however, Simon’s dad is not only allowed to be emotional for all that he missed about his son, he also apologises for the micro-aggressions that Simon suffered due to his jokes. Simon’s family life perfectly exemplifies why even in the most ‘perfect’ family situation it can be difficult and uncomfortable to come out. Yet, this film also demonstrated the reality that there is no single coming out moment. It happens over and over again, not always on your own terms, and how much easier it can be to come out to those you haven’t known as long. 

However, the single most powerful performance in Love, Simon has to be the moment in which Simon completely releases everything he is feeling towards Martin. Nick Robinson dazzles in this moment of absolute devastation for Simon. He is unapologetically enraged and resentful, disgusted and distraught. The single use of ‘fuck’ in the film highlights the absurdity of Martin’s pathetic apology. Most significantly, the narrative does not vilify Simon for his reaction, in fact it stands with him. This scene is so emotional, it is impossible not to feel for Simon and understand completely where he is coming from. 

There were some great new characters that didn’t exist in the book, from the hilariously awkward principal who wore a pride pin immediately after Simon was outed, to the openly gay Ethan. Though we hear of gay and lesbian students in the novel, Simon doesn’t interact with them and we don’t get to witness their different experiences. Ethan demonstrates a totally different story and emphasises that a wide variety of experiences exist. I also loved how Mrs Albright immediately shuts down the homophobic students, and it’s a perfectly glorious example of what everyone hopes a teacher would do for them. But I think it’s also important to acknowledge that in this situation, Simon also stands up for himself. 

Yet, it was difficult to sit through Simon’s friends ignoring him through all of this. I guess I found everything that happened in the book more palatable, and maybe that was the point, to truly emphasise the risk that Simon felt–that he might not be backed by his friends. Of course, I understand why they were upset, particularly Leah (and don’t get me started on how much I hate they made Leah be in love with Simon), but it was downright awful to sit through the three of them give Simon the cold shoulder as he was bullied, and leave him to deal with being outed at school on his own just because they were hurt by a few actions of his. Actions that he took because he was viciously blackmailed about his sexuality. It was especially difficult to stomach because we see no real apology from his friends. I missed the scenes in the book with Abby and Leah fiercely glaring at anyone that looked wrong at Simon, I missed other students defending him–such as when Taylor and Abby almost punch the two homophobes. Perhaps the film upped the scale of the blackmail to facilitate a situation in which Simon would feel completely alone after he was outed to increase the tension, but I must admit to preferring how the book handled it. 

With Martin posting the screenshots of emails between Simon and Bram, the dynamic completely changed and caused a lot more tension and suspense. In this moment, Simon has to take a leap of faith to get their relationship back on track. The entire ferris wheel scene was absolutely gorgeous–from Bram showing up at the last minute to the shock and excitement of everyone watching, to the truly emotional and heartwarming moment when they are finally on the same page. What stood out to me most in this scene was how incredibly nervous Bram was that Simon wouldn’t want him, and Keiynan’s understated movements here precisely explain why it took Bram so long to come forward. 

I wish that we got to see more of their relationship apart from them getting together (and of course that final scene at the end), which I think the book handled really well. And yes, maybe some of the aspects of this movie that I wasn’t a fan of might not have been a problem if I didn’t have the book to compare it to. But I also recognise that in Love, Simon we got a different version of Simon’s coming of age story and his budding relationship with Bram. Both versions give us something different, and I truly enjoyed a lot of the changes made in the movie. 

I’m sad that it’s all over. But I’m definitely going to see Love, Simon again. And if you hadn’t planned on seeing it, I highly recommend that you do. 

#love simon #love simon spoilers #svthsa #simon vs the homo sapiens agenda #nick robinson #keiynan lonsdale #jennifer garner #movie review

[mnm-inc-miles]

JUSTIN. The day my daughter was born my life changed entirely. I had been so uncertain of everything I ever did before her but when I held Isabella Justice for the first time I knew that despite all the trials and tribulations, everything happened for the sole purpose of bringing her into my life. The moment was bittersweet because unbeknownst to myself and my wife at the time, my youngest sister whom my parents adopted when she was six years old, had taken her own life at only fourteen. Jordan and I had gotten pretty close because my parents also adopted me, so when the news came through I felt my heart drop to the floor. My sister Gabriela who was only sixteen at the time, was in charge of watching her. My other sister Megan lived with her fiancée and my brother was married and had his own children to look after, twins only a year old. My parents were at the hospital with me when they got the phone call about Jordan. The atmosphere changed for the worse. I remember holding Isabella while her mother, Lindsay was sleeping. I cried. While I had tried so hard to not show this to my infant daughter, it happened and I felt like she understood. She held my finger in her tiny hand and kept squeezing as her dark eyes stared into mine. She had my eyes. This tiny creature that I held, that I was now responsible for protecting, I had played a part in creating her. As I held her close, stifling my tears I couldn’t stop thinking of Jordan. With the timing I wondered if perhaps a piece of her spirit was still with me now. The last time I had lost someone so important to me I was in the service. I was on basic training when my sister Megan called me to tell me that Remi was missing. The first time I had met Remi was when she slept over our house, she was a friend of Megan’s. They were both twelve which was two years younger than I was but she was unlike any girl I’d ever met. I remember the first words she said to me. “You have the most hypnotic eyes.” She said this point blank to my face and I remember Megan joked she was going to puke but Remi was fearlessly honest. In truth, she was the one who hypnotized me. They ran to her room giggling and I didn’t hear from them the rest of the night. We would start talking in the halls, getting to know each other in tiny blips of time, and maybe to doesn’t sound like a fairytale but moments with her were always the highlights of my day. One night when she was fourteen she slept over, it would turn out to be the last time her parents would allow it, I found her crying outside. “Remi, what are you doing out here?” I hadn’t noticed she was in tears until she turned away, saying something about needing some air. Like an idiot I asked if she was okay when clearly she was not. “I can’t talk about it Justin. I just...I can’t.” Then she broke down. I held her close and told her it would be okay. Then I lifted her chin and our eyes met. “You still have the most enchanting eyes I’ve ever seen...so much warmth. Like I’ve known you all my life...” I kissed her. I was nervous because I had only ever done it once before. She melted in my arms, more tears suddenly streaming down her face. “What happened, I’m sorry...did I do something wrong?” I held her close as she shivered, and she just cried herself to sleep. We were nearly inseparable since that moment. I wasn’t able to get her to talk to me, she wouldn’t let me kiss her either. I could hold her, she always said I made her feel safe, but she just couldn’t be with me, she couldn’t be with anyone. She didn’t give me a reason until I was about to ship off to basic training. I was almost nineteen and she was a junior in high school. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you Justin,” she confessed. “Find another sucker to woo, I imagine.” “You act like you’re a love sick puppy, you have the freedom, it’s not my fault you broke up with your girlfriend.” “Yeah I know, but nothing beats your best friend. You are irreplaceable, Remi.” “You don’t want to date me though. That would be different, things would change...you wouldn’t like it...” “What why?” I had always fantasized about dating her but it never came up again until now. “You just wouldn’t like the things you’d learn...I can’t be with anyone, I told you. I’m...dirty.” “What? Remi, what...what are you saving?” She was in tears as she kissed me, asked me not to ever forget about her, then she ran away. I never saw her again. When Megan told me she went missing I was devastated. When I came back from training I tried to talk to her brother, her parents, the police. No one had any leads. I was heartbroken. When I turned 24 I had my first deployment. The tragedy of 9/11 had just happened and we were going to war to stop terrorism. I was terrified I had never been overseas or even in the line of action yet. That’s when I met Sargent Bram De Vries. He was in charge of our unit. He kept me safe. He had taken a liking to me, he felt I was too sensitive to be in the service even if I did physically fit the bill. He had a great sense of humor but he was moody, there was something dark within him. He never scared me though, and he was the bravest man I’d ever met. There were a number of times he put his neck on the line for me. Countless actions that made me admire him even more as a person. Beyond that, he was an adoring husband. He told me the story of he and his wife meeting in the service, she was a medic. He told me about how he was orphaned by his parents during some tragic accident that he can barely remember, he grew up in and out of foster care but mostly in the orphanage itself. He felt lucky enough that a family came for him when he was seventeen and he went to a public school where he met recruiters and that’s where he joined the army. He had a lot of stories to tell, you could easily see he’d lived a long hard life and he was only in his mid twenties. We saw a lot of horrors during the war, it changed a lot of people for the worse. Civilians didn’t believe we were helping them so they weren’t kind to us, not in the beginning. This caused a lot of the soldiers to be needlessly aggressive back, we saw children with bombs on their chests, men hiding in bushes waiting to blow up anyone who walked by, women and their young ones running or hiding, it was so hard to tell who was dangerous and who was a victim. I will admit I was scared, I tried my hardest to do my duty and serve my country, because I was proud of it, that’s part of why I joined the army to begin with. However, it was hard work. I respect a lot of my platoon, especially the higher ups, because they were in this for life. It was their job and they had so much pride for their work. I knew when my time was up there’s no way I was going back. I would take my time served and value the lessons I learned, but I was going to take the benefits and get a college education. I always loved theater and film, and I would try my hand at that during off time in the service. I had some small time success on some daytime soap operas but figured a good education in theater would go a long way. I decided as well to double major in history. It was always my strongest subject in school, and I felt it was never boring. There’s always so much to learn from history. When I left the service I kept in touch with Bram. We wrote letters to each other every week and we would talk on the phone maybe once a month, sometimes even video chat. Our relationship grew deeper and I learned a lot that he’d never opened up about when we were over seas. Over time I learned how he and his wife lost six children and finally I got a letter stating some bittersweet news, the seventh child conceived was born. It was a miracle she survived because she had a condition that left her nearly defenseless to the world but in the process of delivery he’d lost his wife too. Now his daughter, Benni was all he had left in the world. Bram confessed he had to leave his daughter when she was first born because he was still part of the army, but was told this could be his last deployment, and that his daughter was in the hospital receiving special treatment until he could return home and learn how to properly care for her. When he returned he could retire from the army altogether. I had always planned to visit him and meet Benni but it simply never happened. Time kept getting away from me. I kept getting small roles on television, enough to keep me busy and afloat at least. And of course then I had Isabella only a few years after Benni had been born. Which brings us close to full circle. As I’ve already made clear, my daughter was a huge turning point in my life. Somehow having Isabella made me think about Remi. I started dwelling on her a lot and decided something didn’t sit right with me. I needed to find out what happened. I returned to my hometown and knocked on her parents door. Her brother answered, though he seemed less than thrilled to see me. “I wanted to talk about your sister, Remi.” “I know who she is,” he snapped as he pushed by me. Apparently he was on his way out with a handful of bags. “Where are you going?” “Away, leave me alone. My sister is gone, she has been for nearly five years. So just fuck off.” “Can’t I just talk to you about what happened?” He turned quickly, “I don’t know what happened. She just disappeared. I’m going to college, I’m moving on with my life and I’m getting the fuck away from here. If you keep me any longer I’ll miss my flight. It cost nearly all my savings so back off.” Dallas wasn’t quite like I remembered him, he’d always been a funny kid. Good looking, charming and always pleasant. This was an entirely different person. Something wasn’t right, but I dismissed the feeling and returned home to my family, defeated. Now let me tell you, being a parent wasn’t easy, especially married to a woman that, although I loved and admired her, she had changed so much and no longer loved me as she once had. Needless to say we got a divorce. I was distraught. I felt like a failure. I wrote Bram about it. It was the first letter I’d written him in a few months. He had taken more time to respond to letters now too. We were falling out of each other’s lives. Funny how distance can do that. Surprisingly he responded very quickly. Now Bram wasn’t always the most literate person, he was more street wise then anything. However, this letter sent red flags up all around. His thoughts were very scattered, and although some of the messages were clear it was evident that something was very wrong. Some of what he wrote sounded almost paranoid. He spoke a lot about Benni and even included a picture of her. She was about eleven at this point, had this cute boy cut and a baggy t shirt with overalls. She had her fathers eyes, this grayish blue with a dark ring around the outside. But there was no return address. I tried to write him back with the address I had originally, thanking him for the advice but also asking if I could come over for that long over visit we had once both been excited for. He never responded to that letter. I was laying in bed at night, my mind reeling over the events in my life, specifically the ones that left me in question. Remi and Bram both disappeared out of my life. I impulsively hired a private investigator and found out that Dallas too had gone missing. My sister suggested contacting Cory, since the boys had been best friends but that was a dead end. He had no idea what happened to Dallas, like he magically didn’t exist anymore. For over five years so far I’ve searched for answers and have come up stale. My original PI gave up on me after four years of no leads or simply dead ends. The second one I hired worked with a team and in nearly two years we haven’t found much. But I made a promise to Remi that I wouldn’t forget her. And I owed it to Bram to find out what was happening, to save him for a change. So I knew I would never stop trying. I decided in addition to these cases I would give the team another job, I wanted to speak with my birth parents. I wanted to know my story. I was beginning to feel abandoned, which is common for most adopted children but had never truly been something I’d struggled with having had such a loving family. But the weight of loss was too much and I needed some answers, of any kind.