#Captain America just desecrates a sacred temple and assaults some sacred birds

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #169: If We Should Fail -- the World Dies Tonight

March, 1978.

This is a bit of an odd duck.

As I’ve mentioned, its a filler issue.

It only features Captain America, Iron Man, and Black Panther.

The cover is neat though. Three dooms so the spiked ball pink energy sort of separates the cover into a sort of triptych of the situations where I guess these three Avengers are looking for the three dooms.

Since there’s no last time context that will make this make any more sense, lets get into it.

We start with Iron Man doing a crossword while Captain America and Black Panther help him, moodily.

Considering that they’re enjoying some downtime, they don’t seem to be, well, enjoying it.

So maybe its no great loss after all when the wall explodes and a green-armored man stomps in promising the Avengers a battle to the death!

The battle doesn’t start off great for the Avengers. Perhaps because of poor planning.

Cap jumps at the guy and just gets grabbed and thrown. Iron Man rushes straight at him and gets multiply missiles for his haste. Black Panther grabs him but the dude can heat his suit up to two hundred degrees.

Also, apparently the green armor is a hyper-suit that this intruder spent millions on.

The Avengers get their shit together and start attacking in unison, managing to get some repulsor and mighty shield hits on him.

But then things get... weird.

And a bit uncomfortable.

The guy starts shouting stuff like “Fight me, Avengers -- fight and kill me!” and “Fire your repulsor rays at me -- until I’m dead! Destroy me! That is my last wish!”

The Avengers realize that there’s more going on here and presumably suspect that they’ve been duped into aiding some guy’s suicide by Avenger or extremely niche fetish.

But since the guy will kill them and is breaking their mansion in the meantime, Iron Man knocks the wind out of his sails with some sustained repulsoring.

Iron Man unmasks the stunned aggressor and discovers... JASON BEERE!?

Well, we don’t know who this is but Iron Man recognizes him. Beere is one of Tony Stark’s major competitors.

So what is this all about? Some extremely niche fetish?

Jason Beere: “Because I am dying... because, when my heart gives out -- when I breathe my last -- I -- I want the world to die with me!”

And then he passes out. Because he’s dying.

Iron Man flies Beere to the Stark Industries Flushing plant and tells the Avengers to meet him there.

And by Avengers I mean Captain America and Black Panther.

I don’t know where Thor, Wonder Man, Vision, Scarlet Witch, Yellowjacket, Beast, or the Wasp are. Probably at the opera.

Anyway, to save Beere, Iron Man uses a spare chest plate and an artificial respirator to keep him alive.

When Cap and Black Panther arrive, Iron Man tells them what he’s learned... somehow.

Iron Man: “Listen, Beere’s a megalomaniac -- he’s planted four bombs somewhere in the world, and they’re all set to explode the moment his heart stops. They’re neutron warheads, powerful enough to obliterate all life on Earth. Friends -- simply said -- Beere wants to take us all with him when he goes!”

Wait, four bombs? Then why three dooms? Cover, you’ve lied to me yet again!

Anyway, maybe Iron Man visited Beere’s office after temporarily saving Beere’s life but before Cap and Black Panther showed up. Because as Cap parachutes into Peru, he thinks to himself about the information they got from the notes in Beere’s office-safe.

For example, the location of three of the bombs.

And that Beere’s wife left him and took the children the previous year.

And how to disarm the bombs.

Anyway, this filler has chapters because. So:

Chapter 2: The Temple of Winged Death!

Cap just finds the first spiky orb neutron bomb chilling out in an alcove of a Peruvian pyramid.

Its not even hidden. Its almost too easy.

Oop, spoke too soon. Cap aggroed some locals.

Now these bird helmed fellows are just defending their sacred temple but Cap is trying to save the world. Its one of those unfortunate ‘smoking gun’ things that fiction sets up.

They also don’t speak English so he can’t communicate with them and since he dives in punching and also swivels one of their number into the path of a poisonous dart attack, I don’t think they’d be too keen to listen to him.

Seriously though, Cap? Dick move.

You have a shield.

I mean, sure, they have a cure for their own poisons so the man will live. Provided someone gets the cure to him in time.

That’s how Cap justifies it to himself anyway while patting himself on the back for not being a killer.

I’m being uncharitable.

Anyway, the priest or perhaps falconer of the tribe shows up. He can speak English.

And it transpires that instead of just defending their land, they were paid by Beere to kill Captain America should he show up.

For shame, comic. Turning the bird hatted people into evil mercenaries to justify Cap’s invasion of their territory and indirect poisoning of one.

This does raise questions though.

Beere evidently knew that the Avengers would find his bombs and made contingencies for it. He also knew that Captain America specifically would go for this bomb. And I guess knew that only three Avengers would be in this issue and that they wouldn’t bother calling others.

Truly an unique mastermind, this Jason Beere.

Anyway, Cap swings from a branch, uses some bees to attack the sacred harpy eagles, sproings off a branch, nabs the neutron spike orb and flees for his Quinjet.

Because putting most of your points into Acrobatics works.

Chapter 3: Black Prowler... White Death!

Meanwhile, Black Panther was sent to the arctic circle so he could wax philosophic about being a prince of a tropical country now alone in a world of eternal cold.

Truly he is misplaced wherever he roams.

Oh and Black Panther pretty easily finds his bomb too. Just sitting right inside an ice cave.

Which happens to be the ice cave ice lair of the biggest polar bear Black Panther has ever seen.

Life hack: You don’t have to pay natives to murder an Avenger if you just put a bomb in a polar bear cave. -taps temple-

So obviously, Black Panther is going to wrestle that polar bear. That’s just the inevitable path that this comic set him on.

Plus, the man once put Silver Surfer in an arm bar. He’ll wrestle anything. He’ll wrestle himself.

He kind of goofed up though. He forced the polar bear to stumble off of a ledge, probably to knock it out, but he misjudged the thickness of the ice.

So down they go into the freezing water.

With the cold numbing him and also a lack of oxygen, Black Panther has to abandon his plan to wrestle the bear.

Instead he breaks an icicle over bjorne’s head and then uses his face as a springboard back to the surface.

Like Cap, Black Panther too doesn’t want to kill. Its not the polar bear’s fault that its a killing machine. It needs to kill to eat. Black Panther just doesn’t want to be eaten. But he wishes him luck with the next meal that isn’t Black Panther.

Also, damn, I don’t think he has a change of clothes and he’s soaked to the bone. Also his costume is explicitly freezing due to the water soaked into it. Walking away from this without hypothermia is a testament to something.

Black Panther’s willpower perhaps.

Chapter 4: Madness Over Moscow!

I notice that all three of these bombs were placed so that the Avengers would have to invade someone else’s turf to retrieve them. I wonder if that’s an overall thematic point or Beere’s just being a dick.

Since he wants the world to die with him and he isn’t a sympathetic anime girl with a cape, its probably the latter.

Iron Man actually wanted to call ahead and get the cooperation of the Soviets (because even if he saves the world from Beere’s bombs, ratcheting up the doomsday clock by annoying the Russians is hardly an ideal outcome) but realized that coming to them and saying hey can I ransack your museum for a bomb that my fellow capitalist countryman hid there wouldn’t come off well.

So he figures its better to never have to ask forgiveness than permission and he’ll sneak this shit.

Problem: Beere’s is a dick.

He set up secret messages for the Soviets to intercept that revealed Iron Man was going to invade the country.

So they were watching for Iron Man.

Specifically.

How did Beere’s know that it would only be these three Avengers? Geez.

Iron Man starts pondering along similar lines as Cap. Obviously Beere knew the Avengers would find his notes and go to retrieve the bombs. Its almost as if he wanted them to find his bombs. But why?

And why any of this? If the plan was for the world to die with him, why involve suicide by Avengers at all? Why not just quietly commit suicide? Why alert the Avengers at all to what was going on?

Iron Man finds the bomb but the museum is booby-trapped to prevent burglars from escaping.

Burglars don’t tend to have power armor though. I mean, yeah, they do. But mostly in New York.

So Iron Man just seals his mask from the knockout gas and OH YEAHs through the wall.

He retrieves the bomb but finds himself surrounded by Russian soldiers with heavy ordinance.

Given that, he asks if they want to hear a story.

Chapter 5: A Fateful Decision!

Iron Man returns with his bomb!

There was a bit of a delay as he had to let Soviet officials examine the device but once they did they were more than willing to let him remove it from their country as soon as possible please.

So with all three bombs, its time to stick them together like in the blueprints.

Black Panther asks if they should follow Beere’s instructions. He is the guy that’s trying to blow up Earth. But Iron Man examined the spike balls and there’s no detonator.

Putting the devices together absolutely will not explode in their faces, guaranteed.

And it doesn’t.

Point to Iron Man.

Instead, it plays a pre-recorded message. I guess they’re really spiky tape players.

Jason Beere: “Greetings, Avengers! I congratulate you on locating my first three devices! But then, I knew you would succeed. You see, my diary and notes were planted for you to discover. They were to lure you away from the real bomb! A bomb primed to explode when my heart beats its last. My doctors say I will die within the month. That is not fair for a man who is worth two hundred million dollars. Therefore I decided, when I go -- the world will go with me! You have been duped Avengers -- sent on fools’ errands! And now... now it is too late. I am dying, and the final bomb has been activated. Farewell, Avengers! We shall met again soon... in the great galactic gameroom -- beyond!”

Captain America slams his fist down on a computer bank in frustration for being snookered and maybe even smeckldorfed.

But not so fast: Beere’s may have been one step ahead but Iron Man was half of a step ahead of him.

When he examined the device, he realized it wasn’t a bomb but a tape player. And with that realization, he deduced most of Beere’s plot. And having heard the tape, he’s also deduced the location of the fourth and real bomb.

Because Beere’s is that kind of asshole. Like Iron Man said, he could have quietly committed suicide and nobody would have been wiser to his plan or able to stop it.

He wanted the Avengers to know, to try, and to fail. I don’t know why. The guy is a megalomaniac. Its not enough that the world dies with him. He wanted to beat the Avengers and have someone know how brilliant he was before he died.

So he couldn’t help but drop a clue because thats what people do, I guess, when they think they’re so much smarter.

The fourth bomb is primed to explode when Beere’s heart beats its last.

The bomb is attached to his heart.

And Beere’s didn’t reckon with something else either. Tony Stark keeps his heart troubles a secret. Nobody knows that Iron Man needs the chest plate to live, even though he keeps keeling over anytime anybody so much as lightly bumps into his chest during fights.

The chestplate is keeping Beere’s heart going. And its giving the Avengers time enough to try to disarm the bomb.

Unfortunately, after running some tests, Iron Man determines that the bomb can’t be removed. If they try, it will detonate.

So plan B.

The Avengers put Beere in a cryogenic chamber. Beere’s heart will be slowed down but non-stop.

Maybe one day they’ll find a way to remove the bomb. But until then, Jason Beere will live. Its no life but he’ll live.

Rather than die young, he’ll probably outlive all the Avengers.

There’s a real something feeling about that. Poignant or ironic or some other thing. Lash out in rage over dying young and end up frozen alive forever.

Iron Man: “He is a true Eternity Man...”

Black Panther: “Whose every heartbeat keeps the world alive!”

And I presume that Eternity Man is frozen to this day. Hopefully Tony Stark doesn’t go bankrupt like the three times that has happened and lose the ability to keep the cryogenic chamber going.

Maybe they’d better just have Jean Grey launch the entire facility into space so it can be safely detonated...

Anyway, that was filler.

It was okay filler.

Iron Man basically solves everything off-panel and wraps everything up in a hurry on the last page but so it goes.

I’ll forever wonder why the other Avengers didn’t get involved but there’s no refunds on opera tickets. And the Ring Cycle was playing.

Next time we get back to the Korvac Saga. Or as I like to think of it Part One of the Peter Henry Gyrich Ruins Everything Saga.

#Avengers #Eternity Man #Captain America #Iron Man #Black Panther #Essential marvel liveblogging #Essential Avengers #three crossword enthusiasts save the world #Black Panther will wrestle anything #Iron Man makes a good persuasion roll #Captain America just desecrates a sacred temple and assaults some sacred birds