#And nobody (even Vesper) knows that her connection to music is largely because of a language barrier and emotional repression

[cryptidcalling]

Thinking about Vesper, language, and music

With the development of Vesper's other hobbies (mechanical repairs, starships, space in general) I think I've let his love of music drift to the sidelines a little bit, but rest assured it's still very important to his character. Vesper's species doesn't really communicate emotion with words. Instead, their antennae take different positions and vibrate at different frequencies to communicate their feelings. These frequencies are complex and varied. It's kind of comparable to tonal languages I think, where slight variations in the tone can communicate totally different things. The Lanaptera have a verbal language as well, but it's used to communicate information. The emotion of the statement comes from the frequency paired with the verbal words. Vesper's quiet even for a Lanaptera. Some of the emotional tones come naturally to him. The basic ones, like alert tones (warnings of danger) or basic emotions like very happy or very sad, are instinctual. The rest of them are not. Vesper may be a Lanaptera, but he doesn't speak the language. It's created a situation where Vesper feels the full range of emotions but doesn't know what to do with them. He's been presented with a language and society that expects things he struggles to give them. He's learned over the years how to express some emotions through his verbal tone. Mainly he's learned how to be commanding and how to express anger because they were the most important for him to function in the military. But the gentler emotions, like joy and sadness and confusion, are still really hard for him to grasp at. Vesper doesn't know about this odd language barrier. He's got no clue that Lanaptera use their antennae to communicate outside of rudimentary survival information. He recognizes that he's different, but he doesn't recognize that it's partly because he lives in a society not designed for creatures like him. He doesn't understand why it's so hard for him to access and express his feelings when others can do it so easily. The emotions are there. They're frequent and persistent and sometimes overwhelming, but they're stuck. They bubble up in his throat but then nothing comes out, because he doesn't even know what shape they're meant to make, let alone how to make it. How is he supposed to put such abstract and intense feelings into simple words? Music does what words can't. Really, is it any surprise that music, the thing which managed to express so many complex emotions through sound, would draw Vesper in? She's no musician. She doesn't know the first thing about making music. But she does love to listen to it. All of it, any of it, she finds its very existence to be impressive. All art really. You could present her with any mature song, poem, or painting, and she'd admire it purely for existing at all. Through music, Vesper's able to listen to songs and find ones that match her feelings. This song is sadness, this one is confusion, this one is joy. This one is the distinct comfort that comes from dressing up in an elegant gown and a touch of makeup. This one is how it feels when Pansa smiles at her. This one is that odd, complicated sensation she gets right where her throat and chest meet when she stares up at the stars and just... yearns. There's a song for ever minor nuance. For once, these abstract and confusing feelings are expressed and tangible to her. It doesn't help her communicate any better, really. It's not like music gives her the words she can't find. But it helps her engaged with and understand her feelings on a very personal level. It helps them feel less like forces out of her control that appear in her body and more like sensations that belong to her. It's not uncommon for Vesper to hum when she's on her own, and one of her favorite things to collect and restore are old broken radios. She also loves to dance. It's much easier for her to improvise dances than it is to make music. Something about it being physical makes it easier for her.

#I don't think Vesper considers 'music' to be one of her hobbies #Because she feels like a hobby is something you have to actively engage in #So only a couple of people even know how much she really likes music #And only Pansa and the LTs know WHY she likes it. Vesper's explained the way it makes her feel the best she can #And nobody (even Vesper) knows that her connection to music is largely because of a language barrier and emotional repression #Vesper tag