#And idk now I'm low key freaking out mostly because I'm scared sh1tless of the side effects of the antidepressant

[enjoltrwolfstar]

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#I need to vent for a bit but I don't want to make a post cause somehow I'm more comfortable in the tags idk whdjsjs #I might start doing this kind of post from now on just ignore them if you want it's just gonna be personal stuff mostly #But I really need to vent cause like some stuff have happened today and i hate twitter #And tumblr tags always seem more appropriate for psychological deep™ thoughts idk #Basically my mental health has been to an all time low for the last 2 years but I didn't do anything about it #Cause I don't like leaving the house even if it's for a medical exam #But lately I had some symptoms that added to some other physical symptoms I had could be the sign of a really BAD disease #So I freaked out and I convinced myself I had it so I convinced my mom to go to the hospital to check with a neurologist #Basically 5 minutes in the room with the neurologist and she not only excluded it was that disease #But she also after talking for a bit about other stuff in my life she understood it was all psychological #Basically bad bad anxiety that is ruining my life #Which I already kinda knew but I didn't really wanted to do anything about it cause self hate and self sabotage #Basically now she prescribed me antidepressants and Xanax for start #But I also have to start a journey with a psychiatrist and then once I'm a bit more stable also with a therapist #And idk now I'm low key freaking out mostly because I'm scared sh1tless of the side effects of the antidepressant #Especially gaining weight and extreme sleepiness #I can't afford to sleep too deeply cause I need to be on guard in case my dog isn't feeling good #Which happens a lot at night and it's the main reason I haven't slept well for the last 2 years #And my body is like the only thing I don't actively hate about myself #And when I say the only thing I mean it cause the self hate is strong about EVERYTHING #Also idk if it makes sense but I'm kind of used to feeling like sh1t all the time I wouldn't know how to feel any other way tbh #I kinda find comfort in being miserable cause I feel like I deserve it so like feeling bad makes me feel comfortable idk if it makes sense #But anyway I'm scared and I just needed to vent a bit so yeah #Might do this again writing in the tags is free therapy yay