#ANYWAY. babs im sorry that ur unique magic is custom made for triggering a panic attack in piper

[exceptone]

@fluminas​ : “come on , take a deep breath . it’s gonna be alright.”

NO.  NOT AGAIN.  It’s unforgiving, the way it pounds in their skull, they way their hands can’t stop shaking and they can’t stand up, the way they can’t make their eyes focus.  NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN.  Sitting on their knees against the dirt where they’d collapsed, Barbara kneeling before them, saying something but they can’t hear it, it’s all white noise past the roaring in their ears.  They stare through Barbara’s chest, can’t raise their eyes, can’t stop shaking.  They taste salt and bile and blot.  NO AGAIN I’D RATHER DIE I’D RATHER DIE I’D RATHER DIE.

“Come on, take a deep breath.”  Barbara’s voice breaks past the haze of static, muffled and far away, and Piper flinches away from the girl, eyes finally darting to her face.  NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN I’D RATHER DIE I’LL DIE I’LL DIE.  The tears won’t slow.  “It’s gonna be alright.”

IT’S NOT.  I’D RATHER DIE.  I’D RATHER DIE.  Got hurt, a bad fight / a very bad fight / Piper started it, wanted it, wanted to get her teeth kicked in.  But Barbara found them trying to stand and failing and and and and and and ———

THEIR BRUISES ARE STILL VISIBLE ON HER COLLARBONES.

Barbara reaches out, to touch, to heal, to help, and Piper’s eyes widen and they jerk back and hands fly too fast and grab Barbara’s wrists, grip tight / no, no, stop it, you know this, NOT AGAIN I’D RATHER DIE / and she gasps raggedly, “never fucking do that for me again.”

NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN NO ONE GETS HURT FOR ME AGAIN NO ONE SUFFERS FOR ME AGAIN NOT AGAIN NOT LIKE JEAN NOT AGAIN I’D RATHER DIE I SHOULD HAVE DIED.

Barbara looks scared / later, Piper will be sorry, will feel like a monster, but for now they’re drowning and they’re afraid and they’re a child again AND THEY’RE THE REASON SOMEONE THEY LOVE IS BLEEDING.

#fluminas #main verse. #answered. #suicidal ideation ment / #only briefly but #self harm implied / ??? #ANYWAY. babs im sorry that ur unique magic is custom made for triggering a panic attack in piper