#AND AT THIS MOMENT HE ALMOST EMOTIONALLY CONFESSES WITH TEARS HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE HER AGAIN BECAUSE WORST COMES TO WORST HE'LL NEVER SEE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chanandlersstuff · 3 years

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Summer isn't the only thing that breaks

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader.

Summary: Sometimes loving the other person it's not enough.

Word count: 2.545.

Author’s note: I don't take charge or pay psychologists for what you may feel reading this. I was in my feelings and needed to write something to get all out of my system. English is my second language so sorry for the misspellings. Sorry if the title doesnt make sence but its the only things that comes to my mind.

Part two

You were walking through the airport suitcase in one hand and phone in the other. His number appears on the screen and a smile on your lips. His raspy voice telling you that he was waiting for you in the parking lot, just like you agree, even without seeing him you can sense his smile while he was talking. You hop on the passenger seat and he didn't let you close the door that he was already kissing you like his life deppen of it. His hands on your neck bringing you imposible close to him.

-Hi to you too.- Your voice sounds happy and your eyes close in case this was a dream, again.

-I miss you so fucking much.- Your breath mixing with each other and your noses touching.

-Me too, Charles.- No pet names were needed, that was the deal.

-Come on, the summer break await for us.- A little peck on your lips and the car was moving.

The ride to your destination was full of low music, your hand in his while Charles was driving and now and then he leaves kisses in your knuckles. No work related talk, it was too painful that way. In a moment of your relationship, even when you were friends, the two of us could talk about everything. Even a look could say all that was on your mind and the other would knew exactly what to do.

You two met so many years ago that you lost count. The chemistry was undeniable, the same silly jokes and pranks, the way you move in sync when you were together and even when you weren't together but in the same place, the fond smiles and shiny eyes. It was a matter of time for you two to end up together, or a matter of putting everything on the table. Either way you confess your love for each other the same day, even in that you were connected.

The memories bring a bittersweet smile to your face. In another time those exact memories would make you the most happy person on the planet but right now, after all those years, it didn't. From the corner of his eye Charles could see you and he could bet he knew what was on your mind, because of the look on your face. Because he had the same look when he thought of the two of you.

Everyone knows that you two love each other. Your familys, your common friends and the ones that were not common, even his fans kwen it. But sometimes love isn't enough, sometimes loving the other person so much that it doesn't fit in your body isn't enough. A whole year of relationship where you only saw him in his summer break, in his home grand prix and two other races where it. That was how long the relationship lasted.

You try to make those memories leave your head and live the moment. Your hand in his, Levitating from Dua Lipa playing in the background, your head moving side to side in sync to the rhythm of the song, his hair moving thanks to the breeze and the summer in the air. It was he and you for a couple of weeks. Nothing else, nothing more. You tell yourself that everything was going to be alright.

The first days were amazing, like always. Traveling from here to there in Europe, days with his family that love you like you were their own, nights with your mutual friends clubbing and having the time of your lifes. Dancing glue to each other, drunk kisses and hot sex all night in every sourfaces that you were capable making up for all those days that you weren’t in his arms.

His mum love you, love both of you and was the first one to be over the moon when you were together, but also was the first one to knew that this agreement or this kind of relationship, if you could call it like that, wasn't healthy and it will end bad.

Maybe it was that the two of you were growing up, becoming more mature persons or maybe you were more nostalgic than normal. But seeing him driving the boat with that bandana in his head, that one time it was yours, made you walk down memory lane and end up on the day that the two of you called it quits.

Your relationship was based on constant facetimes, calls and that was it. It was like you were 13 again and it was a virtual boyfriend. His busy schedule and your first year in the job of your dreams didn't let you see him often. You knew he needed someone that was free to be with him travelling the world, encouraging him, giving him a shoulder to cry in his bad days and to be there applauding him in his best days. In a few words he needed someone that was capable of being there for him all the way in his career, not on the other side of the word in a 4 walls office 24/7. You knew that person he needed wasn't you. But the blame, if there was someone to blame, wasn't all yours. Charles also knew that you need someone to be there for you when the days in the office weren't the best, when you arrive at your house exhausted and not on the other side of the phone, traveling across the world, when you cried your eyes out from stress. When you belittle yourself thinking you weren't enough and capable for your job. He knew that you deserved some better, someone who could be there for you.

When the words “I think that we should take a time apart.” were said and the other nodded . When the moment was so fucking sad, so fucking heart breaking, because the two of you came to the same conclusion. Sad tears running in your faces and salty kisses. A whole day to make the mourning of the love that wasn't enough holding each other in your arms agreeing to be friends and love each other no matter what. Only to find you in his sheets a couple of months later agreeing to be together only in the summer break and love you all those days and when the summer ends the two of you would go to their worlds with the memories of the summer. Because the thought of not being together at all hurt much more than being together only a season of the year.

A little peck on your lips brought you back to the present and his smiley face melted your heart. Out of impulse you cup his face and kiss him love and tenderly. From outside that scene appear to be two people who love the other wholeheartedly and were happy and it was true but at the same time you were two persons who had to accept the fact to love the other only in summer time.

Charles knew you were a clingy person when the two of you were alone, but not in public. So it came to his surprise that you were holding his hand all the time and stolen kisses here and there but he didn't complain about it. Moreover he was happy and a little sparkle ignite in his interior.

Days pass like leaves falling from trees in autumn. One day he took you for a ride on his bike, because he knew how much you like it, and to have a picnic to see the sunset. Cute date nights and walks on the beach. Breakfast in bed and coffee spilled on the white sheets thanks to a hot kissing session that ends in sex. Everything was like a fairytale but those only exist in books and movies. Real life hurts like hell and not everything could be like we want.

You made up your mind two days before when you woke up and his arms were hugging your naked body to his firm chest. You couldn't put it into words the feeling that ran through your body and that was when you knew what you had to do. This day was the last one before you had to leave for the real one, it was always bittersweet.

For some reason Charles woke up feeling the most lucky man in the world, he was happy. Walking from here to there in the yacht humming songs and loving the way the sun kisses his skin. A complete breakfast on the table and kisses all over your face to wake up. Sex before and after breakfast, swimming in the cristal water and photos of the other in their galleries that would never leave your phones. You walk around with your hair wet in his favorite t-shirt and a red bandana in your ankle, nothing else nothing more.

After lunch you were sleeping in the front of the yacht with that red bikini that made him lose his mind and he was by your side. His legs flexed, his arm in your waist and his face hid in your neck. Your legs on top of his, your arms on top of his and your head lean on his. The two of you were like a puzzle that fit perfectly, but that didn't mean anything. Hour passes and you wake up, his left hand in your boob and yours on top of it, his face in your chest and your legs tangled. His face is clear of concern, smooth features a little sunburned, and you run your fingers tracing paths with his moles. The same feeling of two days ago appeared again and the only thing you could do was swallow the lump in your throat.

Charles seems to wake up and get you closer to his body, so close that you end up on top of him. Talking in his native language and raspy voice almost made you break into tears. He senses it and looks at you concern. -Il y a un problème, ma belle?

You shake your head with your eyes closed. -Don’t do that Charles, no pet names. We promise.- If you were with your eyes oppended you could see how he rolled his.

-Tell me what's wrong, please.- His seat up with you on his lap. His hands on your back and your chest close. The worry in his voice breaks your heart.

-We can't keep doing this. It's breaking us inside. Is breaking me inside.- Your words make him move away and frown his brows.

-What are you talking about?- You tried to get up from his lap and he grabbed your waist so you stayed still. -Don't do this for a second time, please.

-You need to let me go emotionally and physically, Charles.- He put his hands up and you started walking around, something you do when you are nervous.

-Why?- His eyes burning your figure.

-Because it's the healthiest thing to do. We can't keep doing this to each other. We can't keep fooling ourselves and you know it. You mean everything to me but I can't keep doing this. Every time I leave you after summer, I rip my heart out and I don't think I can keep suffering it.- Your eyes full of tears and your hands shaking a little.

-You think that it's easy for me? That all this it's easy?- You shake your head. -It 's not! Sometimes I dream about us and it seems so real, and when I fucking wake up I see the harsh reality THAT I DONT HAVE YOU COMPLETLY.- He was standing up and looking at you with red eyes.

-That is what I’m saying. Don't you see? This fucking situation is killing us. I know what you want from me and you know what I want from you but wanting something and having something it's not the same thing.- He looks at you without saying anything.

-Do you still love me?- You almost laugh at his question.

-How could you ask me that?- Charles looked at you in disbelieve.

-Because you are standing there, breaking my heart all over again that's why I’m asking you that.- You were trying so hard not to cry.

-Of course I still love you, just like the first day. But sometimes that's not enough. We agreed something years ago hoping that that way it didn't hurt that much but the only thing we agreed on was to prolong the heart break and make it bigger.- You took little steps towards him.

-I know you are right but don't want you out of my life. I dont think I’m capable of that.- His voice was so low and the look in his eyes was like a lost puppy.

-Its for the best Charles. I don't want to keep hurting you and me. It's not fair that we can only love each other for a couple of days out of 365 days a year.

-There’s nothing we can do?- His and your eyes were full of tears and his words broke you and seeing you cry made him cry.

-I won't let you give up your career to be with me and you won't let me give up my career to be with you. We love each other that much and we are fools for thinking that this would end well.- He closes the gap between the two of you.

-I can't believe I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. Will you let me love you the time we have left?- Charles put his hands in your face and you nod.

The hours left of that day were spent with salty kisses, tears in each others body and sad and slow sex where not even an inch of distance could be beetween you two, your skins touching trying to became one or trying to remember the other for the rest of your lives, hands running through your bodies to remember it even with the eyes closed. You kiss his tears away and his kiss yours. The ride to the airport was in silence and fast but Charles held your hand in his glued to his chest, he was lost in his thoughts and you in yours. Getting used to the idea of not seeing or being with the other anymore, just the couple of minutes that you got together in the car and then that was it, all over again.

He parked the car, took your suitcase out and without saying anything you started walking to the airport door. He watches you walk away from his life but his brain screams to kiss you just one more time. Just like an addict, one more fix and that was it. Charles grabs your wrist and stamps a kiss on your lips like he did at the start of the summer break in his car, all those days ago, but this time it was full of sadness and love. He holds you close, but not too close. Just enough for you to count his slowing breaths, but not too much so that you’ll hear the slow cracking of his heart.

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